Sunday, July 09, 2006

True Wife Confessions #15 - Spicy noodles with egg roll

Confession #141

I hate how you never clean up the bathroom sink. You leave hair all over it. You spit in it and don’t bother to rinse. Once, when you were being a jerk, I took your toothbrush and cheerfully cleaned the scum from the sink. Then I laughed on the inside when you told me how nice the sink looked. And I laughed even harder because you were brushing your teeth while you told me.

Confession #142

Dude, when you use the master bathroom with the door open without the fan on and your stench bubbles the paint on the walls? That's just disgusting. So when you emerge from your nightly shit and start to rub on me and breathe all heavy in my ear? I turn you down because you made our room reek and romance is the last thing on my mind, not because of the ailment du jour I pretend to have. A word or two of advice. Shut the door, turn on the fan, and Oust spray. You might get more action that way.

Confession #143

I wish you'd get some friends of your own so you didn't just sit around the house all weekend being bored.

Confession #144

It cracks me up how you've been on my ass for YEARS to work out and lose weight. Now that I have lost weight and work out almost every day? You don't. Does this mean I can start making noises about how much weight you've gained and how big your ass has gotten? Have some more ice cream, honey.

Confession #145

You asked me if I wanted to be a swinger four weeks after our son was born. what the fuck do you think the answer was going to be? bet you didn't think it was gonna be yes. why? because I think you watching me fuck someone else will break your heart as much as you have smashed mine in the past. besides, you are a lousy lover. always have been.


Confession #146

I am having an affair with someone that I meet. It is COMPLETELY about the sex. Quite honestly, I am getting a little bored with you and I needed a little something different. I am not planning on leaving you. I meet him during my lunch break for a quickie 2-3 times a week. He never complains and he doesn't whine when I don't call him or when I tell him I am too busy to meet him that day.

Confession #147

If I come home from work early because I don't feel good it's because I DON'T FEEL GOOD. It doesn't mean YOU get to take a three hour nap and I get to take care of the baby. It also doesn't mean you get to throw a temper trantrum because I fall asleep at 10:30 when I've been up since 5 a.m.

Confession #148

If I tell you I have started my period that morning, leave me alone. No, I don't want to have sex. No, I don't want to do ANYTHING, I just want to lie still and wait for the ibuprofen to work. Your best bet? Tip toe out and leave me alone with a book. Or offer me a candy bar.

Confession #149

Taking a shower once a week because you want to get laid does not make you attractive. Take a shower daily for more than three days and then we'll talk.

Confession #150

That time you took care of me after I had my wisdom teeth out? That was love. Changing the dressing in my mouth? True love. I can't tell you how much ground you made up in that week. I needed you and you came through. Plus you never complain about buying tampons. Yes, I'm noticing.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG the first one about scrubbing the sink with his toothbrush...I thought I was the only one.

I figured if he wasn't going to help with the housework, he could at least be part of it.

Anonymous said...

# 150 is refreshing to see. I'm glad someone's man is being a sweetheart and earning our love and respect. Hope he keeps it up.

Alex said...

I agree about #150. Very nice change of pace.

Elizabeth said...

Numbers 145 and 146 made me gasp out loud. And I had no idea there were so many husbands out there that don't take showers. What, are they waiting for their Moms to call and remind them?

Thanks whomever sent in #150. I wasn't sure if we should be confessing stuff we're happy about here or not.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

I think my husband sent in #143 - about me.

Anonymous said...

Who else is addicted to this site? Someone started true husband confessions on blogger.com but there are no posts yet. I cringe to think what men will submit about their wives.

I submitted a positive confession about my husband to this site. I think it's nice to see some good along with the very very bad.

What's the deal with husbands who want their wives to be swingers, anyway? Why bother getting married in the first place?

Dawn said...

There are some others coming up - I generally take them as they come in, so they just fall in the random order - but yes. It's ok to say nice things too. #150 was actually mine....

Dawn said...

I also giggled at the True Husbands. I wondered how it will do....and imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery -is it not?

Jaelithe said...

One of the main reasons I left the man I was in an LTR with before my husband (I mean, besides the fact that he was a controlling psychopath), is that after we had been together for a couple of years, he stopped showering more than twice a week AND stopped brushing his teeth on a regular basis, yet still expected to get laid every night. Um, no.

(To this day he still tells people I must have been having an affair in the final months of our relationship because I'd stopped sleeping with him. I suppose that could be considered true, if you think a vibrator is a lover . . . heh)

Anonymous said...

Ditto - WTF is up with the not showering? Don't these men have to go to work and be presentable (let alone take care of themselves and not stink up the house)?

I didn't know there was a True Husband Confessions site now. LOL.

And I think confessions like #150 (yay Dawn!) are wonderful, but they still qualify as confessions.

Anonymous said...

ahhh the swinger suggestion, been there, didn't do that...
wonder what he'd say if I said yes next time???

Anonymous said...

145 is mine. thank you for posting it. you have no idea what it meant to me.

NoNonsense said...

Okay the not showering issue. EWW. I can't even begin to imagine living with a man that doesn't shower.

I've just started reading this blog and can relate to a lot of the confessions posted and have several confessions to make myself. I'm glad I was introduced to it, nothing like a good emotional cleansing.

Vulgar Wizard said...

I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who gets outdone with her husband now and then. I'm also relieved to know that there are worse things he could be doing, from the sound of the posts here. I know that sounds a little selfish, and I don't mean any harm when I say it. I feel badly for many of the women who've posted. It must be horrible to live so miserably. I hate being unhappy.

Thora said...

Calling all husbands!
It's your turn to confess:

http://truehusbandconfessions.blogspot.com

Nut's mom said...

I love this site.

I.LOVE.IT.