Confession #2321
I have spent countless hours taking care of your mother's health, advocating for her at the hospital and with doctors, persuading her to go to the ER when she's on the verge of heart failure, and making sure her prescriptions are filled. I consider this my filial duty as her daughter-in-law since you have no siblings and she trusts my judgment better than she does yours. But every time I bring her home repaired from the hospital, I have an anxiety attack as I realize anew that she's going to keep on living in our basement for years if not decades to come. I hate her so much. I wish for her to fall under the wheels of a bus every single day.
Confession #2322
Dear Fiance,
I am unhappy with you. I feel that you always choose your friends over me. I feel that you are always angry at me. We rarely have fun together anymore. Things used to be soooo much better. You never smile at me the way you used to. It's like being with me is a chore for you. Why do you think we've been engaged for 13 months and I haven't made any moves to plan our 'wedding?'
I don't think I want to marry you anymore. But I will go through with it. Why? Because I don't think I would ever find anyone else who would want to be with me. It astounds me that you're still with me. I totally don't get it. You are the first guy to love me. The only guy. When we met, I was in my late twenties, never had a boyfriend, never been intimate with anyone, overweight, ugly, unhappy....and then you came along. Things were great for the first few years, but now I am miserable. I guess I'd rather be miserable with you than miserable all alone. I know I will be a old maid if I walk away from this relationship.
So I'll go on doing what I do: working hard, taking care of our home, taking care of you. Letting you get away with treating me poorly and then crying when you're not around. Because every once in a while I get to see you smile, I hear you really laughing with me, feel you kiss me with meaning, enjoy some time spent together...and I'll use those moments to get me past all the other times when you're walking out the door or drinking your 10th beer, or complaining about me.
I don't know how you do it, but everytime I try to confront you, you turn it around and make it sound like I'm a nagging, hovering, bitch who has no life and wants you to have no life either. How the hell do you do that? You totally turn it around until I don't even know what to say anymore.
I hate you and I love you. I never thought I'd feel so torn. This sucks.
Confession #2323
Honey, for the most part we get along pretty well. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Sure, you do things that annoy me from time to time, but nothing I can't get over.
I suggest you get over me cleaning the house. I just don't care if there is laundry to be done. I don't care if there are dishes in the sink. I don't care if the dust is thick on the coffee table. I don't care if my home office isn't as clean as you would keep yours.
You knew when you met me that I wasn't a neat freak. You lived with me for a year before we got married. You shouldn't be shocked four years in the marriage that my shoes still land where I take them off and the newspaper doesn't hit the recycle bin except on Sunday night when the garbage goes out.
If you want the house to be Martha Stewart clean I recommend that you do it yourself. Or hire Martha. Either way.
Confession #2324
I recognize that you work hard - I do too. I know that our child is a challenge and can be unreasonable and difficult to manage - But when I come home from work to find you screaming - with a bloody nose from your blood pressure rising so much - and her in her room sobbing OVER NOTHING - I can not understand what is wrong with you. When you yell at her about homework, YOU DO NOT HELP. Yelling at her does not help her understand the problems OR ease her already sizeable anxiety about school. I know you were pissed off when we went to the student conferences ( which you refused to attend) and your child told her teacher that "Daddy makes her really nervous about homework". You were more angry when I responded "That sounds accurate" to the teacher.
SHE IS NOT YOU. School is not easy for her and you are making it a billion times more difficult.
Confession #2325
Dear Husband,
Falling in love with you was beautiful. It was natural, organic, and simply amazing.
You were the kindest man I knew.
You did every little thing for me to make my life better.
You made me want to be a better person.
We fought about communication a little, but eventually got over that hurdle.
But now it's back.
And we're married.
And I can't take it anymore.
When we argue, I NEED to talk about it.
You don't want to talk.
EVER.
I don't understand this.
How can we overcome a problem if we don't talk about it?
This isn't the first time.
But this is the last time.
I'm filing for a separation.
And you know what?
I DON'T want to talk about it, although I think you might since I'm getting the house
and the kids.
Good luck.
Confession #2326
I'm sure you don't have all the time in the world to read the words I write to you. I'm sorry I asked you to join. You're over there, because I told you to join. The nights get lonely, and with every breath I wish to kiss you. With every shiver of cold air on my bare skin, I want to be held. With every heartbeat, I say I love you. I miss you. I see you everywhere. I find myself talking to you at night. I wish you could hear. But you can't. I keep it together during the day, but at night... at night is when I miss you the most. I'm sorry that we took the time we had together for granted. I 'm sorry that we would fight about stupid things. I love you more than words can say. I don't want to be your distraction. And I am sorry about the thing with Melissa. I really am. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like that. I've been keeping the house (fairly) clean. I still have alot of work to do. I miss you something awful. I hope you and Walls can work something out. If you could, please tell him that I am sorry and it won't happen ever again unless I am directed to do so. I keep the front light on for you. I know its stupid, but you're not home, so I can't shut off the light. You know, I've never found myself to be a religious person. I see the only reason one should bother god is if its very important. So at night the girls and I talk to the god.
"Dear God,
Please bless Amanda, and Rebecca ,and Mommy, and Daddy.
Please watch over Daddy and the soldiers that are far away
So we can see them all again some day, amen"
And that's it.
The clock keeps on ticking and I keep on thinking about you. Night after night, I look out to the stars wondering if you see the same ones I do. I want to sleep but my thoughts keep returning on how we were, before I held you so tight. Before I had to say good bye, before I saw those tail-lights. I love you and I miss you. I keep on trying and my eyes keep on closing, but I just can't sleep. The scent of your skin, even after two weeks, lingers in our sheets. I hold your pillow like I am trying to hold you, but you can only hold a pillow so tight all through the night. I guess tonight is a bad night, its the worst by far. How I wish there was no ocean, I'd drive to where you are. I'd look into your eyes and then I'd just smile, the I'd say "I told you the miles wouldn't keep me from loving you." Then I'd kiss you as I'd close my eyes and then when I'd open them again, you'll be gone. Because finally I would be able to fall asleep and I'd know that I don't just love you eveyday, but I love you with every beat of my heart, with every lonely tear on my cheek, every time I see the flag that you serve under so proud. When I hear the bugles played so loud, my heart swells with pride knowing that I am your wife. I'll be loving you for the rest of my life. So if I do sleep tonight, I know that I will dream of a time when 4 am was a time for me to love you when you were with me. You're really not gone, you're just away. I'm still beside you, and there I will stay. I'll love you and support you the best that I can, and believe me when I say I'll hold your hand. I'm still here infront of this blinding screen waiting to see your name to tell me that you are still here. Don't take this the wrong way, but the miles do hurt, but every minute brings me closer to you. So I'll go upstairs and lay by your side, and I'll close my eyes so all that I can see is you.
Confession #2327
My Darling Husband,
I love you so much. And yet, I hate you at the same time. I can never work up the nerve to tell you this to your face, because of the fear that you won't listen. Well, actually, I know you won't listen to me. I completely love you sometimes, and I can't think of any one but you, but honestly? I get tired of you being selfish, I'm tired of you being mean to me, I'm tired of you being....you. I could never tell you this, and I've almost yelled it a few times "I WANT A DIVORCE!" and honestly, most of the time? I do. I want to pack up the kids, I want to pack up my things, and I want to leave and never come back. Ever.
You are selfish, you complain all. the. time, and I can't stand it. I get tired of your mom calling every other day wondering why she hasn't seen her grandkids, on her terms. There are things that I want to do, I want to get a degree from the school that I've had my heart set on, but since I am the "young one" in our relationship I don't get to make those decisions. Ask you to make a sacrifice? Pfft. Right.
I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!!!
Confession #2328
You darling, have a serious problem. For some odd reason, you honestly, truly, believe that you are ALWAYS right. Always. Doesn't matter what we are talking about. You. Know. It. All. From the temperature outside, to who the next president is going to be, to how I should cook a pork chop...anything-i am surprised you don't tell me that i don't do my hair right, or my bra size is wrong. Now, if you did know everything, or were usually right, then fine. I would deal with it. But you are usually WRONG! But what really, really fucking irritates me, is that if i say something, annnnnnything that disagrees with what you say...before i have no more than 5 syllables out, you cut me off. Today, I told you I had an appointment that I had to go to. You wanted me to stay home to take care of something less important. I tried to tell you that I had to go...what did you do? Cut me off and loudly told me to "just call them! Get the number!!! See when they close! What is so hard? Are you retarded??" No, love of my life. No I am not retarded. I am irritated and I can feel my blood pressure sky rocketing with every word you say. So i turn around, get the number and call. Calling was irrelevant though, because I needed to make it to this appointment by a certain time, regardless of when the place closed. So I don't say a word to you just yet, I let you cool down (cool down from what, I don't know) The I casually tell you,
"Hey, I need to leave soon so-" --you cut me off here--
"Are you retarded??? What is so hard, why didn't you call like I said???"
This was where i reached my boiling point. I said....
"I DID CALL!! IT CLOSES AT NINE, butt--"
"OK IT CLOSES AT NINE?? SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM! JUST GO LATER!"
At this point i try to calm down, and say,
"it doesnt matter what time it closes because--"
"why are you so retarded??"
"WILL YOU LET ME TALK???"
"Yeah, go ahead...."
"I said that I did call, bu--"
"Then what is the problem if you called????"
"OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"fine i don't give a shit anyway, BYE!"
So I left the house and went to my appointment. 30 minutes later you call me. "did they come yet???" I tell you AGAIN....I am not home. I had to go out. You say "oh you went, why?" I might as well speak another language. You are so annoying that I feel like my body is going to explode. I can feel the blood rushing through it.
You tell me all i do is argue, and I always think I am right. How do you argue without speaking??? I don't understand. How do you know that I always think that I'm right, if i never get to tell you what I am thinking? I hate fighting, and arguing, and I hate yelling. But ill be damned if I'm gonna sit back, let you babble on, and cut me off, tell me that I'm wrong, and an idiot when you honestly do not know anything about the situation that you are talking about. Communication is a give and take. You talk, I talk. You listen, I listen. Its not rocket science. And having discussions, about anything doesnt include you calling me stupid!, or retard, or idiot. Do i do it to you? Do I try to demean you? Never. Because it fucking hurts to have someone that you love (despite all of this craziness) insult your intelligence to the point that you honestly believe that they think you are, actually, kind of stupid. I know that I am smart, and I have much better reasoning and communication skills than you. I don't know how else to say it. You need to relax when we disagree. It isn't the end of the world. Didnt you ever hear the corny saying from grade school...God gave you two ears and one mouth. So that you can listen more, and talk less. You need to listen to that, it isn't hard. 2nd graders learn it!
Oh, and the next time that we have a blowout fight and you call me and ask me to warm you up food for your lunch break..im not doing it, you can. I'm a fucking retard, remember??
Confession #2329
You have no idea, although you would if you paid the least bit of attention to what's going on around you, but tomorrow I am going to see a lawyer to draw up a separation agreement and figure out what it's gonna take to get you out.
See, you're gay.
I know you say you aren't. But a man who fucks other men is gay.
You would think someone as smart as you are would figure that out.
Confession #2330
The following is for my wife, I know that she checks your site -
I know you read this web site. I want you to know I read every entry, just in case one is from you. You are and have always been the most wonderful woman I have ever met, and not a day goes by without your beautiful smile on my mind. I read all the entries just in case there is something I could do to make your life more like a fairy tale.
I know I am not the perfect husband. I know you were offended by the things I did and the thoughts I had years ago, and still are to this day. I wish I had never said anything, never acted on any of it. Througout all of it, though, you have remained the same to me. Sharing my life with you has been the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.
Its true. Those thoughts of mine you found so offensive are still with me. I know how you feel about them, so I keep them to myself. But they have never left. Even with all the years of marriage between us, I look at you or imagine you, and my body responds. It has always seemed like I have no choice. The thought of you sharing any of that with another man makes me crazy. I don't know why I am that way. And I will forever keep those thoughts to myself from now on. But they are still there.
I apologize for ruining your friendship with him. I thought, because of the selfish way I had of thinking about only what I wanted, that he had those same kinds of thoughts. I would imagine you on top of him, satisfying yourself and him the way you do with us. The image of you like that blocked out any other rational thought that might have entered my mind. I know that neither you nor he were part of that or wanted to be part of that, that it was only part of me and the way I am.
I know there are times when we are together that you are reminded of it all. I see it in your face, and the way you withdraw from me. I am truly sorry, I wish I had never said anything, kept it to myself. I hope the years will dim your disappointment, or I will make up for it with the love I show you. I was blinded by my own desires. I know it seems odd to you that I can love you and respect you and then think of you that way, but that is the strangeness that is me. I will never mention or suggest such a thing again. Even though I still think of those things, I do not need them, and because of the way you feel, I no longer want them. All I need is for you to be happy.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
True Wife Confession 232 Standard
Confession #2311
I love you.. God knows i love you... And i know that you love me too.. with all your heart of course you do.. But dammit would it kill you to take the initiative once in a while.. Would it kill you to ask me out once in awhile instead of me asking you out. Would you burn in hell to surprise me with romantic dates once a blue moon. What the hell is wrong with you...??? Is that huge brains of yours all dried up when it comes to thinking about how you can make me happy... How much hints do you need.... I've even resorted to telling you that i want surprises, romantic dates.. Something you put your heart and mind to plan and execute.. But time and again... NOTHING HAPPENS... seriously.. if you want me this marriage to work.. Get your damn socks pulled up and do some work dammit....
loving you always,
Your wife
Confession #2312
I've always been one to just read what everybody
else writes. And I've felt blessed, knowing I wouldn't need to write a
confession. That is, until about a month ago. We usually go and hang out with
our really good friends every weekend and stay pretty late. And I loved finally
having a couple to hang out with. That one night, everybody was tired and
left. I thought I was fine because we were just talking. And we were, until he
decided to confess all this shit about him having feelings for me and about
how he was afraid he would do something about it. I have to admit that I was
attracted to him, because there are going to be people outside your marriage
that you have chemistry with. We didn't do anything. I told him I wouldn't
because you are my heart and there is no way in hell I would do anything to hurt
you or jeopardize what we have. But hell, that was the closest anything has
come to coming between us, and it scared me shitless. I'm sorry I put myself in
that position and I'll never do that again, regardless of how innocent something
seems. It still hurts that we pretty much lost their friendship. His wife was
the only one I have to talk to out here, and now I feel like I lost a best
friend. Two actually, because I did value both of their friendships. But, we
still have each other and the kids
I love you with all my heart.
Confession #2313
I know this is not your fault. But I still want to throttle you. We've been seperated 7 months and you still some how manage to cause me grief. Our friend gave me and our little girl his cat because he was moving somewhere he couldn't have her. My understanding was she was now my daughter's cat. But the day he dropped her off you apparently talked to him and told him I was only going to keep the cat until my friend could take her back, you don't even live with me. My friend did not confirm this with me, that's his fault I know but why you opened your mouth about something you weren't even involved with kills me. So here it is 5 months later and our little girl loves that cat to pieces, and my friend just called to say he wants the cat back and you said it was only temporary. At this moment I think you're both idiots and I'm trying to determine whether to tell him to go get a new cat or give the cat back. This is a conversation I do not want to have with a 3 year old.
Confession #2314
Dear Honey,
I worked my way through college, and met you halfway through. I let you move into my home, and then a year later let your children move into my home, although we didn't have nearly enough room. When you car died, I agreed to let you use my SUV for a few months until you could get another car. When your business's lease was up and you wanted to move your mail-order business into my garage, I let you - after all, you said you were doing it so that you could help out with bills at home, and so that you could watch the kids while I was working full time after I graduated with my degree. You agreed that with me making the lion's share of the money and paying all the bills in this house (including providing a cell phone for you, plus electricity, phone, and internet for your business), you should pick up some of the housework and help with the kids, as well as pitch in a little each month toward the bills.
Well, It's been more than 2 years now. You are still driving my SUV everywhere, leaving me without a vehicle. When I leave work, I come home to a messy house and dirty dishes strewn all over the place. The kids are still up, even though it's the middle of the night and they have to get up in 5 hours for school. The laundry that you chose as your "job" to take over is always laying in heaps everywhere and the kids and I are sick of digging through baskets only to find that whatever it was we wanted to wear is dirty. You spend most of your time on the phone with your buddies or on the internet posting in forums. I'm still paying all the bills, and now I'm also paying for groceries too, even though that was supposed to be your area. You let the kids run wild and provide minimal supervision. You say you're going to handle it when I bring up something that needs to be done, but you never do. You go for days without shaving and wear the same stupid pair of pants every day, even though I still put on makeup and do my hair every day to look good for you. The sex is good - when we have any! Once every few weeks may be okay for you but I need more. And when your daughter graduates this spring, you are in for a surprise if you think she is going to continue living here rent-free - I'm not going to continue supporting your kid for you once she is out of school.
And guess what? I'm not going to support your ass much longer either. You may not know it, but I have a future date in mind and if you don't shape up somewhat by then, you're outta here. No matter how much I love you - and I do love you - I can't do this anymore. I don't want my kids thinking this is what a relationship is supposed to be like. You have no idea how much it hurts when I stop talking in the middle of a sentence and you don't even notice, because you weren't listening anyhow. Or when you lie to me - yes, I have caught you in more than one, and after the first time I called you on it and you continued to look me right in the eye and lie, something just broke inside of me. Oh, and I know about your little internet friend too. I'm tired of having a roommate instead of a committed partner, lover, and friend. I want someone I can trust and depend on, someone who will love me as much as I love them. So, my darling, I will try to talk to you one more time this coming weekend about all your pathetic bullshit - one last chance to clean up your act. And then if things continue on as they have, I will kick your butt out and find someone who treats me as well as I treat them.
Sincerely,
Finally Wising Up
Confession #2315
I want you to be happy again. I no longer want to be sad. I wish the answer was simple but it's not because I still love you with all my heart.
Confession #2316
In my mind, I knew that we were most likely going to be each other's one night stand. But that one night with you was pure heaven. I figured I'd be quite happy being friends-with-benefits and looked forward to hanging out with you again.
It's been weeks since that night and I can't stop thinking about you. I've sent a couple messages which I know you've read but you haven't answered. I've checked your Myspace profile daily to see if you've logged on or added anything new. I was really surprised to see an update today: "Status: Engaged".
Nooooo!
Confession #2317
Why are you so wonderful?
I honestly do not know how I got so incredibly lucky. You are the most
thoughtful, kind, considerate person I have ever been with. You
remember every little detail of every conversation we have, which
means that, for once in my life, someone actually cares enough to
listen. Everything about you is just perfect. Everything about US is
perfect.
Thank you so much for coming into my life. I love you.
Confession #2318
There have been three great loves in my life. You are not one of them, though you're a better husband to me than any of them would have been. I am seeing one of them this week - for a couple of hours in a public place with no intention of nor prospect for hanky-panky - and I am not going to tell you.
Confession #2319
There will be no sex as long as there is no honesty. I have been waiting for over two decades for you to get this message. I am sick of waiting. Are you dead? Wake up asshole? You are wrecking both our lives!
Confession #2320
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I'm bitchy. How dare I be affected by hormones and, you know, life?
I'm sorry that I don't add any income so that you can not work all the fucking time.
I'm sorry that I "allow" myself to be sick. How dare I?
I'm sorry that I don't do a better job keeping our family clean, happy, fed, educated and healthy.
I'm sorry that I can't tell these things to your face.
I'm sorry for the faces that I make. (I can't help it. I can't)
I'm sorry for the envy I feel toward you and your freedom.
I'm sorry for not spending enough time trying.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough.
I'm sorry that I'm too much.
I'm sorry that I'm not just right.
I'm sorry that I can't get it together.
I'm sorry for complaining.
I'm sorry that I'm not a better wife and mother.
I'm sorry for not fixing myself.
I'm sorry I'm such a sarcastic shit.
I'm sorry for not being better in bed.
I'm sorry for the way I look and that I'm not blonde... like the woman your nasty ass mother wanted you to marry.
I'm sorry I'm not more supportive.
I'm sorry for my lack of skills in so many areas.
I'm sorry for not being everything you need.
I'm sorry for whining.
I'm sorry for having the balls to want anything.
I'm sorry for not standing up for myself.
I'm sorry for not doing more.
I'm sorry that we don't understand each other better.
I'm sorry that I think you lie to me... that I doubt your honesty at all.
I'm sorry for being tired.
I'm sorry I asked you to move back to this shithole of a state so I could be closer to my "supportive" family.
I'm sorry for asking for anything.
I'm sorry for not asking.
I'm sorry for not being thankful enough.
I'm sorry that I don't work harder.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry that I get mad.
I'm sorry for it all.
I'm sorry that I feel this shitty and can't really explain why... or really, that I can't explain to YOU why because I fear the lecture I'll get about how stupid it all is and how I should just get over it because 'I'm the one that allows it all to happen'. How "It's all about MY choices". You know, you may be right, but you have no idea how high you've set the bar for me. I'm afraid I'll never be able to clear it and that you'll get fed up and leave and I'll be all alone with the girls with no income. That's not a good place to be, you know? To feel completely fucked no matter what I do. Not good.
Yeah, here I am, 6 years into this Stay Home Mom gig with no friends. Not good.
Life right now? Not good.
I love you.. God knows i love you... And i know that you love me too.. with all your heart of course you do.. But dammit would it kill you to take the initiative once in a while.. Would it kill you to ask me out once in awhile instead of me asking you out. Would you burn in hell to surprise me with romantic dates once a blue moon. What the hell is wrong with you...??? Is that huge brains of yours all dried up when it comes to thinking about how you can make me happy... How much hints do you need.... I've even resorted to telling you that i want surprises, romantic dates.. Something you put your heart and mind to plan and execute.. But time and again... NOTHING HAPPENS... seriously.. if you want me this marriage to work.. Get your damn socks pulled up and do some work dammit....
loving you always,
Your wife
Confession #2312
I've always been one to just read what everybody
else writes. And I've felt blessed, knowing I wouldn't need to write a
confession. That is, until about a month ago. We usually go and hang out with
our really good friends every weekend and stay pretty late. And I loved finally
having a couple to hang out with. That one night, everybody was tired and
left. I thought I was fine because we were just talking. And we were, until he
decided to confess all this shit about him having feelings for me and about
how he was afraid he would do something about it. I have to admit that I was
attracted to him, because there are going to be people outside your marriage
that you have chemistry with. We didn't do anything. I told him I wouldn't
because you are my heart and there is no way in hell I would do anything to hurt
you or jeopardize what we have. But hell, that was the closest anything has
come to coming between us, and it scared me shitless. I'm sorry I put myself in
that position and I'll never do that again, regardless of how innocent something
seems. It still hurts that we pretty much lost their friendship. His wife was
the only one I have to talk to out here, and now I feel like I lost a best
friend. Two actually, because I did value both of their friendships. But, we
still have each other and the kids
I love you with all my heart.
Confession #2313
I know this is not your fault. But I still want to throttle you. We've been seperated 7 months and you still some how manage to cause me grief. Our friend gave me and our little girl his cat because he was moving somewhere he couldn't have her. My understanding was she was now my daughter's cat. But the day he dropped her off you apparently talked to him and told him I was only going to keep the cat until my friend could take her back, you don't even live with me. My friend did not confirm this with me, that's his fault I know but why you opened your mouth about something you weren't even involved with kills me. So here it is 5 months later and our little girl loves that cat to pieces, and my friend just called to say he wants the cat back and you said it was only temporary. At this moment I think you're both idiots and I'm trying to determine whether to tell him to go get a new cat or give the cat back. This is a conversation I do not want to have with a 3 year old.
Confession #2314
Dear Honey,
I worked my way through college, and met you halfway through. I let you move into my home, and then a year later let your children move into my home, although we didn't have nearly enough room. When you car died, I agreed to let you use my SUV for a few months until you could get another car. When your business's lease was up and you wanted to move your mail-order business into my garage, I let you - after all, you said you were doing it so that you could help out with bills at home, and so that you could watch the kids while I was working full time after I graduated with my degree. You agreed that with me making the lion's share of the money and paying all the bills in this house (including providing a cell phone for you, plus electricity, phone, and internet for your business), you should pick up some of the housework and help with the kids, as well as pitch in a little each month toward the bills.
Well, It's been more than 2 years now. You are still driving my SUV everywhere, leaving me without a vehicle. When I leave work, I come home to a messy house and dirty dishes strewn all over the place. The kids are still up, even though it's the middle of the night and they have to get up in 5 hours for school. The laundry that you chose as your "job" to take over is always laying in heaps everywhere and the kids and I are sick of digging through baskets only to find that whatever it was we wanted to wear is dirty. You spend most of your time on the phone with your buddies or on the internet posting in forums. I'm still paying all the bills, and now I'm also paying for groceries too, even though that was supposed to be your area. You let the kids run wild and provide minimal supervision. You say you're going to handle it when I bring up something that needs to be done, but you never do. You go for days without shaving and wear the same stupid pair of pants every day, even though I still put on makeup and do my hair every day to look good for you. The sex is good - when we have any! Once every few weeks may be okay for you but I need more. And when your daughter graduates this spring, you are in for a surprise if you think she is going to continue living here rent-free - I'm not going to continue supporting your kid for you once she is out of school.
And guess what? I'm not going to support your ass much longer either. You may not know it, but I have a future date in mind and if you don't shape up somewhat by then, you're outta here. No matter how much I love you - and I do love you - I can't do this anymore. I don't want my kids thinking this is what a relationship is supposed to be like. You have no idea how much it hurts when I stop talking in the middle of a sentence and you don't even notice, because you weren't listening anyhow. Or when you lie to me - yes, I have caught you in more than one, and after the first time I called you on it and you continued to look me right in the eye and lie, something just broke inside of me. Oh, and I know about your little internet friend too. I'm tired of having a roommate instead of a committed partner, lover, and friend. I want someone I can trust and depend on, someone who will love me as much as I love them. So, my darling, I will try to talk to you one more time this coming weekend about all your pathetic bullshit - one last chance to clean up your act. And then if things continue on as they have, I will kick your butt out and find someone who treats me as well as I treat them.
Sincerely,
Finally Wising Up
Confession #2315
I want you to be happy again. I no longer want to be sad. I wish the answer was simple but it's not because I still love you with all my heart.
Confession #2316
In my mind, I knew that we were most likely going to be each other's one night stand. But that one night with you was pure heaven. I figured I'd be quite happy being friends-with-benefits and looked forward to hanging out with you again.
It's been weeks since that night and I can't stop thinking about you. I've sent a couple messages which I know you've read but you haven't answered. I've checked your Myspace profile daily to see if you've logged on or added anything new. I was really surprised to see an update today: "Status: Engaged".
Nooooo!
Confession #2317
Why are you so wonderful?
I honestly do not know how I got so incredibly lucky. You are the most
thoughtful, kind, considerate person I have ever been with. You
remember every little detail of every conversation we have, which
means that, for once in my life, someone actually cares enough to
listen. Everything about you is just perfect. Everything about US is
perfect.
Thank you so much for coming into my life. I love you.
Confession #2318
There have been three great loves in my life. You are not one of them, though you're a better husband to me than any of them would have been. I am seeing one of them this week - for a couple of hours in a public place with no intention of nor prospect for hanky-panky - and I am not going to tell you.
Confession #2319
There will be no sex as long as there is no honesty. I have been waiting for over two decades for you to get this message. I am sick of waiting. Are you dead? Wake up asshole? You are wrecking both our lives!
Confession #2320
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I'm bitchy. How dare I be affected by hormones and, you know, life?
I'm sorry that I don't add any income so that you can not work all the fucking time.
I'm sorry that I "allow" myself to be sick. How dare I?
I'm sorry that I don't do a better job keeping our family clean, happy, fed, educated and healthy.
I'm sorry that I can't tell these things to your face.
I'm sorry for the faces that I make. (I can't help it. I can't)
I'm sorry for the envy I feel toward you and your freedom.
I'm sorry for not spending enough time trying.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough.
I'm sorry that I'm too much.
I'm sorry that I'm not just right.
I'm sorry that I can't get it together.
I'm sorry for complaining.
I'm sorry that I'm not a better wife and mother.
I'm sorry for not fixing myself.
I'm sorry I'm such a sarcastic shit.
I'm sorry for not being better in bed.
I'm sorry for the way I look and that I'm not blonde... like the woman your nasty ass mother wanted you to marry.
I'm sorry I'm not more supportive.
I'm sorry for my lack of skills in so many areas.
I'm sorry for not being everything you need.
I'm sorry for whining.
I'm sorry for having the balls to want anything.
I'm sorry for not standing up for myself.
I'm sorry for not doing more.
I'm sorry that we don't understand each other better.
I'm sorry that I think you lie to me... that I doubt your honesty at all.
I'm sorry for being tired.
I'm sorry I asked you to move back to this shithole of a state so I could be closer to my "supportive" family.
I'm sorry for asking for anything.
I'm sorry for not asking.
I'm sorry for not being thankful enough.
I'm sorry that I don't work harder.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry that I get mad.
I'm sorry for it all.
I'm sorry that I feel this shitty and can't really explain why... or really, that I can't explain to YOU why because I fear the lecture I'll get about how stupid it all is and how I should just get over it because 'I'm the one that allows it all to happen'. How "It's all about MY choices". You know, you may be right, but you have no idea how high you've set the bar for me. I'm afraid I'll never be able to clear it and that you'll get fed up and leave and I'll be all alone with the girls with no income. That's not a good place to be, you know? To feel completely fucked no matter what I do. Not good.
Yeah, here I am, 6 years into this Stay Home Mom gig with no friends. Not good.
Life right now? Not good.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
TWC Saturday Sex Chat January 19, 2008 Edition
Anal sex? Does it hurt, will i lose control? is it worth it?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
True Wife Confession 231 songs in my bossa nova collection
Confession #2301
From this day forward I refuse to be the doormat. I want to control my life again. I should be
the one that decides what happens in my life. Not the people I work with, not my friends, not
anyone in my life. From this day forward I put forth my own freedom. My strength. I make the
choices. I am the strong one. They tried to beat me down but I refuse to compromise anymore.
And I'm in love. And I will tell him and I won't be afraid. I know he loves me too. I know he's
afraid to tell me and I will take the lead and show him the love and compassion he
deserves...hell...that I deserve. We belong together and I want to start that life as soon as
possible.
I want my own life back. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. So to hell with all of you who
are trying to drag me down. You won't win. You won't beat me. You will be lost without me because
you didn't appreciate me and the work that I do. When you fail without me, when things fall
apart, that's when you'll see what a prize I am. And in no way is this me bragging...or my ego
talking. That's been bruised and beaten but it got up and said...I am the winner. I am me. And
you can never, ever, ever have that or take it away. And that's the power you chase and never can
have. Me.
Confession #2302
Sweetie, I really love you. I would not have left my country three
years ago, and learned a new language to be with you.
Your family and friends, who have become my family and friends are
some of the best people I have met in my life.
Just a couple of things bother me.
Your mother.
Well, that is it really, I just thought about the other tiny things,
and really they are no big deal. But your mother. OMFG. I have met
loads of neurotic people in my life (I would recognize this by the
fact that I am neurotic myself. (but at least I am "polite" neurotic,
polite, southern New Orleans neurotic.)
I would never expect someone to wait 3 hours for me when I am running
late (on a freaking SATURDAY!, HELLO, precious free time!! And I know
you were excited about when we got the new place and it came with like
5 complete sets of keys, and when we were moving in you said something
like, "OHH, KEYS, and handing one to your Dad (and your
stepmom...incidently, LOVE her, she is NORMAL!) and to your MOTHER:
HELLO this is the woman who looked in on our pets when we were out of
town last year and RE_ARRANGED MY kitchen...MY kitchen! You gave her
a set of KEYS and we live only like 10KM from her. Were you taking
some kind of medication that gave you a temporary mind fart?
And the fact that when my friends were in town visiting us and the
FIRST time we are showing them our new place, your MOM was inside
(AGAIN IN MY KITCHEN) scrubbing the floor. (I know this could
potentially save us time and energy on cleaning, BUT this is OUR home,
we pay the rent, she can go clean her own place, and my floor was not
dirty.)
Honey, I think there may be something wrong with this picture. I know
you talked with her. And she has improved. I know she is suffering
from tremendous guilt for letting your father and stepmother raise you
while she went back to University. She gave you up at three (as a
full time parent). And I love your mother. But honestly, a lot of
the time, I don't like her. She is chaotic and incredibly self
centered and she is sick. She is in her mid 50s and wants to look
18. She clearly still has anorexic issues. (while she is not too
thin, her attitude toward food is boarderline. She is attracted to men
who are occupied with either girlfriends or wives. She has this need
to be seen as this "femme fatale" by EVERY man in the room. And it is
NOT healthy that she wants her son to think of her in this way.
I know you recognize this, and I am a very patient woman, but hey,
your mom needs professional help. I don't mind listening to her and
sharing some of my stories. But I know her type, she will try to use
this against me someday. I saw her ROLL her eyes at you ABOUT me that
one time. She is manipulative and has a kind of talent for making men
follow her. And she is NOT afraid to use it. As I said, I love her,
but I do NOT and never will trust this woman.
She needs to keep her distance (a resonable distance) and YOU need to
be the one to set the appropriate boundaries.
Confession #2303
You invent all sorts of excuses to not have sex. You even pick fights to avoid having sex with me. How can I NOT get the message that you prefer to jack off when you avoid sex so much and yet, I find you jerking off? On a Saturday morning when I'm awake and downstairs?
Its not like I require alot of foreplay (you don't even try) and its not like it takes me a long time to reach the "big o." (what, a few minutes? 10 at most?) I'm pretty low maintenance sexually. When I caught you, I suggested that I'd slip in a video for our child and we'd lock the bedroom door and have some fun. You got pissy.
Most men jerk off because their wives don't want to have sex or are too tired. I've turned you down MAYBE 6 times in more than 10 years. I have even told you that if you want some lovin' in the middle of the night to wake me up. I'd be happy to service you. But no, I wake up to find you jerking off. In fact, I'm pretty sure you have more sex with your hand in one week than we have in one month.
And you know what really HURTS? When I'm with some girls and they start complaining about how their husbands want sex. I want to scream, "I'LL TRADE YOU!"
I try to look my best, stay in decent shape, and not "bitch at" you. You pretty much come and go as you please. I still attract some men's attention when I go out.
I just wish I could attract yours. I wish you'd find me sexually attractive.
Hell, I'd even trade sex for a few minutes of hugs and some kind words.
Confession #2304
I have moved across the country for you. I have up-rooted my entire existence to be with you. Knowing how you are, but hoping you would change. Of course, I know you'll never really change but I do expect some things out of you. You went on a business trip this week, and you were broke. I lent you money because I felt bad. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around co-workers. So where do I end up finding out you wentin your'e spare time? A porn convention. A fucking porn convention. I do not care if it was next door, or in the next room. I don't care. I am so tired of hearing you say, 'Well i don't want to look stupid in front of my co-workers.' What about me? What about what I think? You are so concerned with how other men feel all of the time. Does it matter how I feel? How I view you? It's a big fucking deal if some man you barely know says 'you're gay' (your words, not mine) if you don't go to a strip club, or better yet porn convention. But if i tell you that i am so disappointed and disgusted and hurt by your actions, well that's ok. That was emergency money BTW...I dont think glossy 8x10's are an emergency. You tell me you didn't want to go, weren't there long....well you must think I'm a real moron. i saw what was in the bag that you so quickly snatched from me. Signed pictures from porn stars. Very classy to bring home. Now porn doesn't really bother me, but knowing that you are there, while I was calling you, panicking about a job interview, because again...I QUIT MINE TO MOVE AND BE WITH YOU!...and when i am BROKE because i gave you all of the money i had saved up because you are apparently sooooo in need of money...and what do you do with it?? YOU BUY LAME PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN! And I am soooo embarrassed for you by what they say, really. Do you think its cool? This women probably think you are such a fucking idiot. A dollar sign, that's all you are. A big dumb dollar sign. They're the smart ones. A few flirty words and you assholes think they like you. Everything bad you do, I find out. I don't know why you think that you're slick. Youre a fucking joke. If you're career ever goes belly-up, get a job in the CIA. You be fucking fantastic, 007. And when I brought up the pictures today, you laughed..i said ok show me whets in there (Becuase you really think I don't know) and you tell me no no...then when you think i might go get the bag, you get mean. Im 'fucking psychotic'. Yeah Im psychotic because my boyfriend has cheated on me, lied to me, gotten phone calls he shouldn't, and I still find evidence that makes me wonder about you all the time...but I am psychotic to wonder and question you. Start being sweet to me, affectionate. Maybe if you acted like you gave a shit about me, then some naked pictures wouldn't bother me so much. I try to do it all. anything to make and keep you happy. I cook, I clean, I work full time, I baby you, and I always want sex.... more often then most women i know. 99% of the time you just sit back and enjoy. You never initiate it. EVER. I don't know if its my fault, or if spoiled you, but I cant remember the last time in 2 and a half years that you grabbed me and fucked me. Or even gave me a passionate kiss. It kills me. I know you say you aren't affectionate and never have been. But my god...you're killing me. I don't know what else to do. I love you so much but I feel like I'm going crazy. And I don't understand why you act so interested in other women (i.e porn stars, strippers, pretty women on tv, pretty women on the street-i dont care if you say you're joking or not) and I am nothing. I have men say things to me all the time...I know Im not ugly. And i know i am good to you. Please open you're eyes ans realize that you're pushing me away.
Im starting to hate you as much as I love you-and that's a lot.
Confession #2305
I wasn't upset because you made us late on Saturday, I
was upset because every time I get you to go somewhere
or do something with me, I feel like you'd rather be
at home playing your stupid video game, especially
when you drag your feet and play up until the last
second when we need to leave, and then make us late by
doing all the things you should have been doing for
the previous half hour. I've been asking you for over
a year to play less-- not quit, just play LESS-- and
guarantee me some time with you each week, but every
time I've brought it up, you've dismissed me. I get
the sense that you avoid the issue because you're
embarrassed, because you recognize that playing a
video game 50+ hours a week is not normal or healthy,
but why aren't you willing to confront it or do
anything about it? When your wife tells you she's
jealous of a video game, SOMETHING IS WRONG.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a
low-maintenance wife; I don't ask for much, and being
rebuffed when I DO ask for a little attention is
incredibly demoralizing. Don't you understand that I
want you to WANT to talk to me and spend time with me
the way you used to, besides just the cursory
attention you dole out when you want to get laid? I
feel like a whore lately, because when you're horny is
the only time you seem even remotely interested in me
anymore. I feel like I'm getting the bread crumbs and
the crusts instead of the full-meal deal I thought I
was signing up for. Lying in bed with me for twenty
minutes before we fall asleep doesn't count as
spending time with me. Neither does talking to me
about your game for three minutes when you come
downstairs to get another beer. I want us to be
friends again. Don't you miss me? I miss you so much.
Confession #2306
You have made my world safe for me. You listen to my fears and you soothe me. I honestly believe that everything will be all right when we are together. Thanking you loving my battered soul.
Confession #2307
We've broken up now and I AM very sad about it, but I know that it's for the best of both.
Our different schedules and your unwillingness to change yours has made both of us so lonely. I was always this puzzle piece fitting into your life, never would you do anything to fit into mine or combine the two. I was so lonely and so stressed out because of it, I felt so alone but I didn't want anyone besides you.
You have a fetish that broke my heart and made me fear that you were gay. I don't really believe that straight men would have a fetish for dressing in women's clothes and panties. The fake breasts that I found tipped it over the edge but we never spoke about it and I bottled it all up inside. I was always afraid that you would cheat on me one day with a man and I would be the one to end up with a disease, that is why I stopped having sex with you. Not because I didn't want you, but I was too scared and I don't think it would have been worth it.
The saddest part is that you are such a terrific man, you are wonderful and I still love you with all of my heart, but I am glad that I don't have to spend the rest of my life worrying and walking around on egg shells.
I hope that you'll find that person that makes you happy so you won't be alone but I'm just so happy that I'm finally single again.
I love you though, you are a wonderful man.
Confession #2308
To my mother in Law:
I swear to God if you come into my home and criticize me about one more thing, I am going to lose my shit. Your asshole of a son tells me to blow it off and that's just how you are. But honestly? I already have one highly selfish, overly critical asshole in my life (that would be YOUR SON) I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT FROM YOU TOO!
I am SO SICK of you bitching about how I have too much sugar in the house only to have you make a beeline for our candy stash within the first 10 minutes of your visits. See, the thing of it is.... Most of the time, the candy is set out in a pretty dish. If anyone wants a piece, they can take one. It rarely gets eaten. In fact, a month ago, I threw out a bunch of easter and Halloween candy.
But before you come over, we hide the candy stash because you've made such a big deal out of the damn candy being out. But you always manage to sniff it out and find it. And you always manage to eat half the stash then bitch about how much sugar is in our house.
And while we're on the candy issue. I'm SO SICK OF YOU GIVING ME WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE. I'm not on a diet. I'm not asking for advice. My weight is fine. YOU are the one who's 40 pounds overweight. NOT me!
You know what might help you? You might want to turn off your tv. I've never seen a person watch so much tv. You can sit there for hours upon hours. And you only get up to go to the bathroom or get a bowl of low-fat ice cream or something else to eat. And of course after eating that bowl you get up to get another. And then you bitch about how you just blew your diet. And then you sit there another two hours watching more tv. And then you eat an entire meal AND THEN another bowl of fucking ice cream. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Everytime I hear you bitch about how hard it is for you to lose weight, I want to slap you. I have thyroid disease. I only eat about 1,000 calories a day to MAINTAIN my freaking weight.
There are people who seriously do have a difficult time losing weight. And they have my sincere sympathy and compassion. Because I completely understand how difficult it is to lose weight.
And honestly? I don't give a shit what you or anyone else weighs. I just don't really want to hear you bitch incessantly about what I keep in the fridge and what YOU think I should keep in the fridge.
Confession #2309
I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to be my rock, even if we both are in crisis. Thank you for supporting me so much these past 18 months. When I was hospitalized because our son was going to be born 12 weeks early, you weren't there. But since that night, through my week in hospital hoping he wouldn't come, through the 8 weeks he was in hospital and the times we weren't allowed to hold him or talk to him, when he came home with the apnea monitor screaming at us that he'd stopped breathing and I was at my wits end because the doctors wouldn't allow me to socialize for fear of him getting sick, you have been there as a rock. You make sure I know I matter and my contributions to our family matter even if they are no longer financial. You are a wonderful father and are thrilled to have time alone with our son so that I can have a break.
And yesterday, you helped me find closure. I spent the almost half of a year preparing. In the process, and even though it was my goal, we gave back to the hospital that gave us a living and thriving son. And you, despite being injured, jumped on the marathon course and ran the last 6 miles with me to offer me support. Then you let me run the last tenth of a mile to the finish by myself. Whether you know it or not, that was an awesome gift. Despite all your support and love, I have felt so much guilt because my body was weak and failed our son. Now, my body did something that required strength and endurance. While you were there supporting me, I ran it to the finish line myself. I didn't fail. I wasn't weak. That gives me so much hope for the future.
I don't know if you understand exactly how much that means to me but it was a great gift. Thank you, my love.
Confession #2310
Another confession to my MIL
This past holiday season you spent the night at our house. Well... I know you were snooping through my office. I am STILL pissed about that.
I don't know what you were looking for. But I hope whatever you found quenched your curiosity. I know this isn't the first time you've nosed through my stuff. You've tried doing it on and off for years.
But the next time you spend the night, I'm going to put a sign on my computer telling you to get your nosy, fat ass out of my office. And let's see how you react to THAT.
OH and just so you know... I don't have any sex toys or porn in the house. Not that I'm against that stuff. Just that you're so freaking nosy, there's no way I'd chance having it in my house for you to find. And I KNOW that no matter how well I hid it, you'd find it.
Oh and you also want to know what I don't like. I don't like you coming over and saying things like, "Why are you acting so STUPID" to my son. He's your grandson. Its Christmas. He's a little boy who was so excited to see you. He was excited you were spending the night. Geez! You should be happy at least ONE person in your life was excited about your long-ass visit to our house.
From this day forward I refuse to be the doormat. I want to control my life again. I should be
the one that decides what happens in my life. Not the people I work with, not my friends, not
anyone in my life. From this day forward I put forth my own freedom. My strength. I make the
choices. I am the strong one. They tried to beat me down but I refuse to compromise anymore.
And I'm in love. And I will tell him and I won't be afraid. I know he loves me too. I know he's
afraid to tell me and I will take the lead and show him the love and compassion he
deserves...hell...that I deserve. We belong together and I want to start that life as soon as
possible.
I want my own life back. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. So to hell with all of you who
are trying to drag me down. You won't win. You won't beat me. You will be lost without me because
you didn't appreciate me and the work that I do. When you fail without me, when things fall
apart, that's when you'll see what a prize I am. And in no way is this me bragging...or my ego
talking. That's been bruised and beaten but it got up and said...I am the winner. I am me. And
you can never, ever, ever have that or take it away. And that's the power you chase and never can
have. Me.
Confession #2302
Sweetie, I really love you. I would not have left my country three
years ago, and learned a new language to be with you.
Your family and friends, who have become my family and friends are
some of the best people I have met in my life.
Just a couple of things bother me.
Your mother.
Well, that is it really, I just thought about the other tiny things,
and really they are no big deal. But your mother. OMFG. I have met
loads of neurotic people in my life (I would recognize this by the
fact that I am neurotic myself. (but at least I am "polite" neurotic,
polite, southern New Orleans neurotic.)
I would never expect someone to wait 3 hours for me when I am running
late (on a freaking SATURDAY!, HELLO, precious free time!! And I know
you were excited about when we got the new place and it came with like
5 complete sets of keys, and when we were moving in you said something
like, "OHH, KEYS, and handing one to your Dad (and your
stepmom...incidently, LOVE her, she is NORMAL!) and to your MOTHER:
HELLO this is the woman who looked in on our pets when we were out of
town last year and RE_ARRANGED MY kitchen...MY kitchen! You gave her
a set of KEYS and we live only like 10KM from her. Were you taking
some kind of medication that gave you a temporary mind fart?
And the fact that when my friends were in town visiting us and the
FIRST time we are showing them our new place, your MOM was inside
(AGAIN IN MY KITCHEN) scrubbing the floor. (I know this could
potentially save us time and energy on cleaning, BUT this is OUR home,
we pay the rent, she can go clean her own place, and my floor was not
dirty.)
Honey, I think there may be something wrong with this picture. I know
you talked with her. And she has improved. I know she is suffering
from tremendous guilt for letting your father and stepmother raise you
while she went back to University. She gave you up at three (as a
full time parent). And I love your mother. But honestly, a lot of
the time, I don't like her. She is chaotic and incredibly self
centered and she is sick. She is in her mid 50s and wants to look
18. She clearly still has anorexic issues. (while she is not too
thin, her attitude toward food is boarderline. She is attracted to men
who are occupied with either girlfriends or wives. She has this need
to be seen as this "femme fatale" by EVERY man in the room. And it is
NOT healthy that she wants her son to think of her in this way.
I know you recognize this, and I am a very patient woman, but hey,
your mom needs professional help. I don't mind listening to her and
sharing some of my stories. But I know her type, she will try to use
this against me someday. I saw her ROLL her eyes at you ABOUT me that
one time. She is manipulative and has a kind of talent for making men
follow her. And she is NOT afraid to use it. As I said, I love her,
but I do NOT and never will trust this woman.
She needs to keep her distance (a resonable distance) and YOU need to
be the one to set the appropriate boundaries.
Confession #2303
You invent all sorts of excuses to not have sex. You even pick fights to avoid having sex with me. How can I NOT get the message that you prefer to jack off when you avoid sex so much and yet, I find you jerking off? On a Saturday morning when I'm awake and downstairs?
Its not like I require alot of foreplay (you don't even try) and its not like it takes me a long time to reach the "big o." (what, a few minutes? 10 at most?) I'm pretty low maintenance sexually. When I caught you, I suggested that I'd slip in a video for our child and we'd lock the bedroom door and have some fun. You got pissy.
Most men jerk off because their wives don't want to have sex or are too tired. I've turned you down MAYBE 6 times in more than 10 years. I have even told you that if you want some lovin' in the middle of the night to wake me up. I'd be happy to service you. But no, I wake up to find you jerking off. In fact, I'm pretty sure you have more sex with your hand in one week than we have in one month.
And you know what really HURTS? When I'm with some girls and they start complaining about how their husbands want sex. I want to scream, "I'LL TRADE YOU!"
I try to look my best, stay in decent shape, and not "bitch at" you. You pretty much come and go as you please. I still attract some men's attention when I go out.
I just wish I could attract yours. I wish you'd find me sexually attractive.
Hell, I'd even trade sex for a few minutes of hugs and some kind words.
Confession #2304
I have moved across the country for you. I have up-rooted my entire existence to be with you. Knowing how you are, but hoping you would change. Of course, I know you'll never really change but I do expect some things out of you. You went on a business trip this week, and you were broke. I lent you money because I felt bad. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around co-workers. So where do I end up finding out you wentin your'e spare time? A porn convention. A fucking porn convention. I do not care if it was next door, or in the next room. I don't care. I am so tired of hearing you say, 'Well i don't want to look stupid in front of my co-workers.' What about me? What about what I think? You are so concerned with how other men feel all of the time. Does it matter how I feel? How I view you? It's a big fucking deal if some man you barely know says 'you're gay' (your words, not mine) if you don't go to a strip club, or better yet porn convention. But if i tell you that i am so disappointed and disgusted and hurt by your actions, well that's ok. That was emergency money BTW...I dont think glossy 8x10's are an emergency. You tell me you didn't want to go, weren't there long....well you must think I'm a real moron. i saw what was in the bag that you so quickly snatched from me. Signed pictures from porn stars. Very classy to bring home. Now porn doesn't really bother me, but knowing that you are there, while I was calling you, panicking about a job interview, because again...I QUIT MINE TO MOVE AND BE WITH YOU!...and when i am BROKE because i gave you all of the money i had saved up because you are apparently sooooo in need of money...and what do you do with it?? YOU BUY LAME PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN! And I am soooo embarrassed for you by what they say, really. Do you think its cool? This women probably think you are such a fucking idiot. A dollar sign, that's all you are. A big dumb dollar sign. They're the smart ones. A few flirty words and you assholes think they like you. Everything bad you do, I find out. I don't know why you think that you're slick. Youre a fucking joke. If you're career ever goes belly-up, get a job in the CIA. You be fucking fantastic, 007. And when I brought up the pictures today, you laughed..i said ok show me whets in there (Becuase you really think I don't know) and you tell me no no...then when you think i might go get the bag, you get mean. Im 'fucking psychotic'. Yeah Im psychotic because my boyfriend has cheated on me, lied to me, gotten phone calls he shouldn't, and I still find evidence that makes me wonder about you all the time...but I am psychotic to wonder and question you. Start being sweet to me, affectionate. Maybe if you acted like you gave a shit about me, then some naked pictures wouldn't bother me so much. I try to do it all. anything to make and keep you happy. I cook, I clean, I work full time, I baby you, and I always want sex.... more often then most women i know. 99% of the time you just sit back and enjoy. You never initiate it. EVER. I don't know if its my fault, or if spoiled you, but I cant remember the last time in 2 and a half years that you grabbed me and fucked me. Or even gave me a passionate kiss. It kills me. I know you say you aren't affectionate and never have been. But my god...you're killing me. I don't know what else to do. I love you so much but I feel like I'm going crazy. And I don't understand why you act so interested in other women (i.e porn stars, strippers, pretty women on tv, pretty women on the street-i dont care if you say you're joking or not) and I am nothing. I have men say things to me all the time...I know Im not ugly. And i know i am good to you. Please open you're eyes ans realize that you're pushing me away.
Im starting to hate you as much as I love you-and that's a lot.
Confession #2305
I wasn't upset because you made us late on Saturday, I
was upset because every time I get you to go somewhere
or do something with me, I feel like you'd rather be
at home playing your stupid video game, especially
when you drag your feet and play up until the last
second when we need to leave, and then make us late by
doing all the things you should have been doing for
the previous half hour. I've been asking you for over
a year to play less-- not quit, just play LESS-- and
guarantee me some time with you each week, but every
time I've brought it up, you've dismissed me. I get
the sense that you avoid the issue because you're
embarrassed, because you recognize that playing a
video game 50+ hours a week is not normal or healthy,
but why aren't you willing to confront it or do
anything about it? When your wife tells you she's
jealous of a video game, SOMETHING IS WRONG.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a
low-maintenance wife; I don't ask for much, and being
rebuffed when I DO ask for a little attention is
incredibly demoralizing. Don't you understand that I
want you to WANT to talk to me and spend time with me
the way you used to, besides just the cursory
attention you dole out when you want to get laid? I
feel like a whore lately, because when you're horny is
the only time you seem even remotely interested in me
anymore. I feel like I'm getting the bread crumbs and
the crusts instead of the full-meal deal I thought I
was signing up for. Lying in bed with me for twenty
minutes before we fall asleep doesn't count as
spending time with me. Neither does talking to me
about your game for three minutes when you come
downstairs to get another beer. I want us to be
friends again. Don't you miss me? I miss you so much.
Confession #2306
You have made my world safe for me. You listen to my fears and you soothe me. I honestly believe that everything will be all right when we are together. Thanking you loving my battered soul.
Confession #2307
We've broken up now and I AM very sad about it, but I know that it's for the best of both.
Our different schedules and your unwillingness to change yours has made both of us so lonely. I was always this puzzle piece fitting into your life, never would you do anything to fit into mine or combine the two. I was so lonely and so stressed out because of it, I felt so alone but I didn't want anyone besides you.
You have a fetish that broke my heart and made me fear that you were gay. I don't really believe that straight men would have a fetish for dressing in women's clothes and panties. The fake breasts that I found tipped it over the edge but we never spoke about it and I bottled it all up inside. I was always afraid that you would cheat on me one day with a man and I would be the one to end up with a disease, that is why I stopped having sex with you. Not because I didn't want you, but I was too scared and I don't think it would have been worth it.
The saddest part is that you are such a terrific man, you are wonderful and I still love you with all of my heart, but I am glad that I don't have to spend the rest of my life worrying and walking around on egg shells.
I hope that you'll find that person that makes you happy so you won't be alone but I'm just so happy that I'm finally single again.
I love you though, you are a wonderful man.
Confession #2308
To my mother in Law:
I swear to God if you come into my home and criticize me about one more thing, I am going to lose my shit. Your asshole of a son tells me to blow it off and that's just how you are. But honestly? I already have one highly selfish, overly critical asshole in my life (that would be YOUR SON) I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT FROM YOU TOO!
I am SO SICK of you bitching about how I have too much sugar in the house only to have you make a beeline for our candy stash within the first 10 minutes of your visits. See, the thing of it is.... Most of the time, the candy is set out in a pretty dish. If anyone wants a piece, they can take one. It rarely gets eaten. In fact, a month ago, I threw out a bunch of easter and Halloween candy.
But before you come over, we hide the candy stash because you've made such a big deal out of the damn candy being out. But you always manage to sniff it out and find it. And you always manage to eat half the stash then bitch about how much sugar is in our house.
And while we're on the candy issue. I'm SO SICK OF YOU GIVING ME WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE. I'm not on a diet. I'm not asking for advice. My weight is fine. YOU are the one who's 40 pounds overweight. NOT me!
You know what might help you? You might want to turn off your tv. I've never seen a person watch so much tv. You can sit there for hours upon hours. And you only get up to go to the bathroom or get a bowl of low-fat ice cream or something else to eat. And of course after eating that bowl you get up to get another. And then you bitch about how you just blew your diet. And then you sit there another two hours watching more tv. And then you eat an entire meal AND THEN another bowl of fucking ice cream. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Everytime I hear you bitch about how hard it is for you to lose weight, I want to slap you. I have thyroid disease. I only eat about 1,000 calories a day to MAINTAIN my freaking weight.
There are people who seriously do have a difficult time losing weight. And they have my sincere sympathy and compassion. Because I completely understand how difficult it is to lose weight.
And honestly? I don't give a shit what you or anyone else weighs. I just don't really want to hear you bitch incessantly about what I keep in the fridge and what YOU think I should keep in the fridge.
Confession #2309
I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to be my rock, even if we both are in crisis. Thank you for supporting me so much these past 18 months. When I was hospitalized because our son was going to be born 12 weeks early, you weren't there. But since that night, through my week in hospital hoping he wouldn't come, through the 8 weeks he was in hospital and the times we weren't allowed to hold him or talk to him, when he came home with the apnea monitor screaming at us that he'd stopped breathing and I was at my wits end because the doctors wouldn't allow me to socialize for fear of him getting sick, you have been there as a rock. You make sure I know I matter and my contributions to our family matter even if they are no longer financial. You are a wonderful father and are thrilled to have time alone with our son so that I can have a break.
And yesterday, you helped me find closure. I spent the almost half of a year preparing. In the process, and even though it was my goal, we gave back to the hospital that gave us a living and thriving son. And you, despite being injured, jumped on the marathon course and ran the last 6 miles with me to offer me support. Then you let me run the last tenth of a mile to the finish by myself. Whether you know it or not, that was an awesome gift. Despite all your support and love, I have felt so much guilt because my body was weak and failed our son. Now, my body did something that required strength and endurance. While you were there supporting me, I ran it to the finish line myself. I didn't fail. I wasn't weak. That gives me so much hope for the future.
I don't know if you understand exactly how much that means to me but it was a great gift. Thank you, my love.
Confession #2310
Another confession to my MIL
This past holiday season you spent the night at our house. Well... I know you were snooping through my office. I am STILL pissed about that.
I don't know what you were looking for. But I hope whatever you found quenched your curiosity. I know this isn't the first time you've nosed through my stuff. You've tried doing it on and off for years.
But the next time you spend the night, I'm going to put a sign on my computer telling you to get your nosy, fat ass out of my office. And let's see how you react to THAT.
OH and just so you know... I don't have any sex toys or porn in the house. Not that I'm against that stuff. Just that you're so freaking nosy, there's no way I'd chance having it in my house for you to find. And I KNOW that no matter how well I hid it, you'd find it.
Oh and you also want to know what I don't like. I don't like you coming over and saying things like, "Why are you acting so STUPID" to my son. He's your grandson. Its Christmas. He's a little boy who was so excited to see you. He was excited you were spending the night. Geez! You should be happy at least ONE person in your life was excited about your long-ass visit to our house.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
True Wife Confessions 230 Rat Expression Set
Confession #2291
You hate your job, I get it. We both know you "can" do so much better, but you don't. You keep telling me how happy you'd be if you could start your own business. What have you done towards that goal? Saved some money for living expenses while you get started? Looked into bookkeeping and tax laws for small business owners? Maybe looked into small business loans? Done some market research and scoped out good locations? Started a business plan? Picked a name for the business so we could get some cards printed and a website up and running?
Or were you waiting for ME to do it for you?
This is your dream. If you can't be bothered why should I? If I wanted to blow a ton of money on a pipe dream I'd buy lottery tickets.
Confession #2292
I just wanted to confess that I have nothing to confess at this moment.
You have completely shown me that no matter how upset or angry or excited or scared I am about anything – you will always be there to listen, not judge, and accept me.
I’m so happy that you are the one, and I’m so honored that you allow me to be the one for you.
Thank you.
Confession #2293
So I talked, cried, and bared my soul to you about your online porn habit. You apologized and hugged me...blah blah blah.
But either you don’t get it or just don’t effing care. You still do it. You know it bothers me and you know how much it bothers me and you still do it as if what I said to you didn't mean a damn thing at all. THAT is what hurts the most. I feel like my feelings don't mean a damn thing to you. It feels like you made your choice to continue looking at other women online rather than to honor my wishes and have any kind of concern for my feelings. This is something that bothers me so much...and I feel like you don’t even care. I can't understand why you seem to NEED to look at other women online...and I can't understand why you would choose that over me and my feelings. Feeling like you have such disregard for my feelings makes me feel differently about you and makes me feel like I can't trust you. And it affects our sexuality as a couple. The more you look at porn, the less I want to sleep with you. You never seem to want to have sex with me anyway…at least you never initiate. I guess looking at other woman online is good enough for you. I am left unsatisfied. Your habits are damaging our relationship and I don't know if you even care. It's also damaging my health, because I can tell you right now that my blood pressure at the moment is through the effing roof!
If I were doing something that bothered you, I would certainly stop doing it...because I care about your feelings. I feel like I have made a huge mistake in marrying you because I cannot feel happy as long as you continue doing this. I can't have a relationship with someone who makes me feel this way...I wasted 7 years of my life feeling this way with my ex and I don’t want to waste any more of my life feeling this way.
And I don’t care how much you say that looking at online pictures has nothing to do with me because it has EVERYTHING to do with me. It has everything to do with making me feel like crap. It says to me that what I am is not what you want and that you don’t think I am good enough...you need something else, and you seek it out online daily. I would’ve hoped that my feelings would mean more to you than this obsession you have with these teen-looking skinny bitches that you look at online. Your online obsessive habit and your lack of concern for my feelings is making whatever self esteem that I have left in me totally melt away.
Confession #2294
I wish I could give you my heart. I wish I could love you with all my soul. Hell, I wish I could muster up an ounce of love for you. But I can't. I've told you my deepest secrets over the years. You've used them against me. I've shared with you my fears and vulnerablilities. You've thrown them in my face during arguments. When I've shared my dreams with you, you've told me all of the reasons why those dreams would never work out.
You complained a few weeks ago that you don't feel I'm your friend.
You aren't my friend. In fact, I wonder if you ever were. I no longer think you even know HOW to be a friend. The biggest thing you seem to care about is winning the argument. And honestly? We've been together more than 11 years now. Do you seriously think that in all of these years, ALL of our problems were because of ME? Do you seriously think that you have NEVER been at fault?
That's what I'm dealing with. I tried to get you to see my point of view for years -- why I felt hurt or why I might need some emotional support. But what you throw in my face is "You know what YOUR problem is? You're too sensitive. Do you know what YOUR problem is? You're too needy."
I try to explain to you that a simple hug would do wonders in making me feel supported. But then you counter with, "Oh yeah? Where's MY support?"
At least I TRY to make you feel supported and loved. At least I ask what I can do to make you feel supported and love. At least I listen to those suggestions, no matter how offensive they are (You say things like, "Stop bitching about how I didn't do what I promised. Get over it.".)
I don't know what to do anymore. I no longer talk to you. We've stopped taking vacations sans child because you like to drink until you throw up and make a mess of the hotel room. (And then when I get mad, you tell me how I'm a horrible controlling nag.) Its gotten to the point where, when you are home, I stay away from you. I remain polite because if I'm pretty sure that if I told you my real feelings -- about how I no longer like you and what you've become, you'd say "Well. There's the door." And that would crush me.
I'm scared out of my wits to leave. I have chronic health problems and don't think I'd be able to hold down a job. And I'm scared of the trash you'd expose our child to. So I stay. I do everything in my power so that our interactions are polite -- especially around our son.
I never thought it was possible to be this lonely and empty when there's someone you used to love -- someone you used to think walked on water -- standing a few feet from you. But I know I can't tell you. I'm pretty sure you don't care enough about our relationship to really listen and work things through.
Confession #2295
You're awesome. You agreed to let me keep the cat even though he has severe anxiety issues . . . and severe issues with where he's supposed to piss. He's been on the kitty prozac for three weeks now, and I THOUGHT he had been accident-free. I found a stinky spot on the couch. I waited until you were asleep to put the throw pillows in the washer, and I hope you don't notice the smell of the cleaning solution on the couch. I'm sorry to be sneaky. I love you way more, of course, but I do love the kitty.
Confession #2296
I told you 2 months ago that a client was GIVING me tickets to the
Kennedy Center for tonight. You simply said, "you know I hate those
things, I'm not going"
I was alone for 15 years - I got sick and tired and embarrassed going to
all these work functions by myself. One reason I started dating again
was because I wanted someone to go WITH ME to these events. I have put
up with all of your crap, your parents' crap, your brother's crap, your
kids' crap because I thought this was a partnership. I go places and do
things that I hate, but I do it to support you - you needed me to be
there.
You do things you like to do, WE do things you like to do....things I
like to do, I either don't do them or I go alone. There is something
SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. Especially since we have only been
together for 2 years....what happens in 30 years....will I just be doing
everything alone?
For the millionth time, I look at our marriage and wonder if I should
just get out now and save myself years of disappointment and pain.
Lately, there has been very little in this relationship that is for me
or about me.
Confession #2297
We're So Tired of you telling us to be quiet so you can watch the friggin' news while we eat dinner.
Why is it so hard to grasp the concept that WE LOVE YOU and want to interact with you after you've been at work all day?
Last night when you said to me, "I really wish you would just SHUT UP," I didn't know what to say. I just felt a little bit of my love and respect for you slip away.
When our teenage son is in the middle of a story about himself, his day at school or his friends and you unmute the TV and drown him out, I just want to cry when I see that crushed look on his face. Then I want to punch you in the face.
And when you tell our preschool age daughter that she 'talks too much' ... how do I respond to that? Kicking you in the balls would be an appropriate response, I think.
You bring out the mean in me and I hate it.
WHY WHY WHY do you do this? The news isn't that fucking important, I promise.
Confession #2298
I love you but I'm not ever going to change how I feel about this problem we have, so I think we shouldn't be so serious anymore. We really don't have a future anymore. I am at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do. I don't want you to look at Porn anymore.
I know I can never marry you if you don't stop. I love you and I am afraid that this is something that is going to go on for a long time I'm never going to be ok with it and you are never going to stop. I wish you'd take me seriously. I feel weird and you lie about it, like you tell me you look because you are bored like once a while but that's a lie. We have been together a long time, and there was a point where I knew I wanted to spend my life with you, you were the one for me, my half, but you had all the doubts and now I am thinking you cant be the one because I cant spend my life with you because when we are married or even living together I am not turning on the computer and having a porno pop up on me like the other night.
Tell me you will stop for me, tell me something
Confession #2299
You are everything I could ask for in a partner. You have been so thoughtful and caring, taking care of me while I recovered. I just wanted to say thanks for being so great. I wish I was more grateful to you all of the time. I am an ass sometimes, I know. I’m going to try better ok? I’m going to make this work.
Confession #2300
Last night while out with some friends, I found out one friend is pregnant. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. And then I started to really hate you. Do you know why?
Well for starters... People don't seem to know WHY we've had problems getting pregnant. It would be because of your very, very heavy tobacco use and horrid coffee/soda consumption. You also refuse to eat any sort of remotely healthy foods to help your body produce healthy sperm. You KNOW that if you'd just give up the tobacco and eat right, we could have a decent shot.
Oh wait, we STILL wouldn't have a decent shot. That would be because you prefer to jack off. ASSHOLE!
Oh and now I've told everyone we're done trying. That would be because you're a shitty father and an emotionally stingy man. You're incredibly selfish too. You are the biggest disappointment not only as a husband but as a father. You made so many promises when I was pregnant about how you'd spend time with our child and you talked about all of the things we'd do as a family. But you hardly ever spend time with us. We only seem to exist when it is convenient for you.
So while I would LOVE to have more children, I just don't want them with YOU! I can't put myself in that vulnerable place with you again.I can't let myself be that disappointed yet again.
You hate your job, I get it. We both know you "can" do so much better, but you don't. You keep telling me how happy you'd be if you could start your own business. What have you done towards that goal? Saved some money for living expenses while you get started? Looked into bookkeeping and tax laws for small business owners? Maybe looked into small business loans? Done some market research and scoped out good locations? Started a business plan? Picked a name for the business so we could get some cards printed and a website up and running?
Or were you waiting for ME to do it for you?
This is your dream. If you can't be bothered why should I? If I wanted to blow a ton of money on a pipe dream I'd buy lottery tickets.
Confession #2292
I just wanted to confess that I have nothing to confess at this moment.
You have completely shown me that no matter how upset or angry or excited or scared I am about anything – you will always be there to listen, not judge, and accept me.
I’m so happy that you are the one, and I’m so honored that you allow me to be the one for you.
Thank you.
Confession #2293
So I talked, cried, and bared my soul to you about your online porn habit. You apologized and hugged me...blah blah blah.
But either you don’t get it or just don’t effing care. You still do it. You know it bothers me and you know how much it bothers me and you still do it as if what I said to you didn't mean a damn thing at all. THAT is what hurts the most. I feel like my feelings don't mean a damn thing to you. It feels like you made your choice to continue looking at other women online rather than to honor my wishes and have any kind of concern for my feelings. This is something that bothers me so much...and I feel like you don’t even care. I can't understand why you seem to NEED to look at other women online...and I can't understand why you would choose that over me and my feelings. Feeling like you have such disregard for my feelings makes me feel differently about you and makes me feel like I can't trust you. And it affects our sexuality as a couple. The more you look at porn, the less I want to sleep with you. You never seem to want to have sex with me anyway…at least you never initiate. I guess looking at other woman online is good enough for you. I am left unsatisfied. Your habits are damaging our relationship and I don't know if you even care. It's also damaging my health, because I can tell you right now that my blood pressure at the moment is through the effing roof!
If I were doing something that bothered you, I would certainly stop doing it...because I care about your feelings. I feel like I have made a huge mistake in marrying you because I cannot feel happy as long as you continue doing this. I can't have a relationship with someone who makes me feel this way...I wasted 7 years of my life feeling this way with my ex and I don’t want to waste any more of my life feeling this way.
And I don’t care how much you say that looking at online pictures has nothing to do with me because it has EVERYTHING to do with me. It has everything to do with making me feel like crap. It says to me that what I am is not what you want and that you don’t think I am good enough...you need something else, and you seek it out online daily. I would’ve hoped that my feelings would mean more to you than this obsession you have with these teen-looking skinny bitches that you look at online. Your online obsessive habit and your lack of concern for my feelings is making whatever self esteem that I have left in me totally melt away.
Confession #2294
I wish I could give you my heart. I wish I could love you with all my soul. Hell, I wish I could muster up an ounce of love for you. But I can't. I've told you my deepest secrets over the years. You've used them against me. I've shared with you my fears and vulnerablilities. You've thrown them in my face during arguments. When I've shared my dreams with you, you've told me all of the reasons why those dreams would never work out.
You complained a few weeks ago that you don't feel I'm your friend.
You aren't my friend. In fact, I wonder if you ever were. I no longer think you even know HOW to be a friend. The biggest thing you seem to care about is winning the argument. And honestly? We've been together more than 11 years now. Do you seriously think that in all of these years, ALL of our problems were because of ME? Do you seriously think that you have NEVER been at fault?
That's what I'm dealing with. I tried to get you to see my point of view for years -- why I felt hurt or why I might need some emotional support. But what you throw in my face is "You know what YOUR problem is? You're too sensitive. Do you know what YOUR problem is? You're too needy."
I try to explain to you that a simple hug would do wonders in making me feel supported. But then you counter with, "Oh yeah? Where's MY support?"
At least I TRY to make you feel supported and loved. At least I ask what I can do to make you feel supported and love. At least I listen to those suggestions, no matter how offensive they are (You say things like, "Stop bitching about how I didn't do what I promised. Get over it.".)
I don't know what to do anymore. I no longer talk to you. We've stopped taking vacations sans child because you like to drink until you throw up and make a mess of the hotel room. (And then when I get mad, you tell me how I'm a horrible controlling nag.) Its gotten to the point where, when you are home, I stay away from you. I remain polite because if I'm pretty sure that if I told you my real feelings -- about how I no longer like you and what you've become, you'd say "Well. There's the door." And that would crush me.
I'm scared out of my wits to leave. I have chronic health problems and don't think I'd be able to hold down a job. And I'm scared of the trash you'd expose our child to. So I stay. I do everything in my power so that our interactions are polite -- especially around our son.
I never thought it was possible to be this lonely and empty when there's someone you used to love -- someone you used to think walked on water -- standing a few feet from you. But I know I can't tell you. I'm pretty sure you don't care enough about our relationship to really listen and work things through.
Confession #2295
You're awesome. You agreed to let me keep the cat even though he has severe anxiety issues . . . and severe issues with where he's supposed to piss. He's been on the kitty prozac for three weeks now, and I THOUGHT he had been accident-free. I found a stinky spot on the couch. I waited until you were asleep to put the throw pillows in the washer, and I hope you don't notice the smell of the cleaning solution on the couch. I'm sorry to be sneaky. I love you way more, of course, but I do love the kitty.
Confession #2296
I told you 2 months ago that a client was GIVING me tickets to the
Kennedy Center for tonight. You simply said, "you know I hate those
things, I'm not going"
I was alone for 15 years - I got sick and tired and embarrassed going to
all these work functions by myself. One reason I started dating again
was because I wanted someone to go WITH ME to these events. I have put
up with all of your crap, your parents' crap, your brother's crap, your
kids' crap because I thought this was a partnership. I go places and do
things that I hate, but I do it to support you - you needed me to be
there.
You do things you like to do, WE do things you like to do....things I
like to do, I either don't do them or I go alone. There is something
SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. Especially since we have only been
together for 2 years....what happens in 30 years....will I just be doing
everything alone?
For the millionth time, I look at our marriage and wonder if I should
just get out now and save myself years of disappointment and pain.
Lately, there has been very little in this relationship that is for me
or about me.
Confession #2297
We're So Tired of you telling us to be quiet so you can watch the friggin' news while we eat dinner.
Why is it so hard to grasp the concept that WE LOVE YOU and want to interact with you after you've been at work all day?
Last night when you said to me, "I really wish you would just SHUT UP," I didn't know what to say. I just felt a little bit of my love and respect for you slip away.
When our teenage son is in the middle of a story about himself, his day at school or his friends and you unmute the TV and drown him out, I just want to cry when I see that crushed look on his face. Then I want to punch you in the face.
And when you tell our preschool age daughter that she 'talks too much' ... how do I respond to that? Kicking you in the balls would be an appropriate response, I think.
You bring out the mean in me and I hate it.
WHY WHY WHY do you do this? The news isn't that fucking important, I promise.
Confession #2298
I love you but I'm not ever going to change how I feel about this problem we have, so I think we shouldn't be so serious anymore. We really don't have a future anymore. I am at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do. I don't want you to look at Porn anymore.
I know I can never marry you if you don't stop. I love you and I am afraid that this is something that is going to go on for a long time I'm never going to be ok with it and you are never going to stop. I wish you'd take me seriously. I feel weird and you lie about it, like you tell me you look because you are bored like once a while but that's a lie. We have been together a long time, and there was a point where I knew I wanted to spend my life with you, you were the one for me, my half, but you had all the doubts and now I am thinking you cant be the one because I cant spend my life with you because when we are married or even living together I am not turning on the computer and having a porno pop up on me like the other night.
Tell me you will stop for me, tell me something
Confession #2299
You are everything I could ask for in a partner. You have been so thoughtful and caring, taking care of me while I recovered. I just wanted to say thanks for being so great. I wish I was more grateful to you all of the time. I am an ass sometimes, I know. I’m going to try better ok? I’m going to make this work.
Confession #2300
Last night while out with some friends, I found out one friend is pregnant. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. And then I started to really hate you. Do you know why?
Well for starters... People don't seem to know WHY we've had problems getting pregnant. It would be because of your very, very heavy tobacco use and horrid coffee/soda consumption. You also refuse to eat any sort of remotely healthy foods to help your body produce healthy sperm. You KNOW that if you'd just give up the tobacco and eat right, we could have a decent shot.
Oh wait, we STILL wouldn't have a decent shot. That would be because you prefer to jack off. ASSHOLE!
Oh and now I've told everyone we're done trying. That would be because you're a shitty father and an emotionally stingy man. You're incredibly selfish too. You are the biggest disappointment not only as a husband but as a father. You made so many promises when I was pregnant about how you'd spend time with our child and you talked about all of the things we'd do as a family. But you hardly ever spend time with us. We only seem to exist when it is convenient for you.
So while I would LOVE to have more children, I just don't want them with YOU! I can't put myself in that vulnerable place with you again.I can't let myself be that disappointed yet again.
Monday, January 07, 2008
True Wife Confessions 229 seeds under my bird feeder
Confession #2281
Your loud audible sighing is driving me crazy. I have never seen or heard an adult sigh as much as you do. But the worst is that you do it - and if I ask what is up, you say "nothing" and then sigh AGAIN. It is as if you are an 86 year old woman.
Confession #2282
I bought you a Moto Q smartphone for Christmas. I just found porn sites on it in your internet history. Jerk.
Confession #2283
Sometimes when you get mad at me I wish I still cut myself. It's hard
not to, especially when you do things like telling me "shut the garage
door" and then when i go to shut the door, saying "Not THAT door! The
other door!" I can't read your mind and know you mean the side door on
the garage. You say "garage door" and I go to shut the one on the front,
the big one. And then you get upset with me and I want to cut myself.
Why am I the one to doubt myself? I'm pretty sure you've never wanted to
cut yourself.
Confession #2284
I love you with all my heart, but i really feel that you are holding me back in all i want to do. I want to have a clean house, but you wont pick up after yourself. i am tired of doing it for you. I want to be a lpn, but you gripe at me when i have to study instead of spending time with you. don't you get it jackass? I am doing this to better ours and our kids lives. I feel like I am just a piece of ass to you. we only have sex when its convenient to you, never when I want it. I want it all the time because thats the only way you ever show you care about me. You never do anything for me anymore, you don't open doors and you don't get me off. After we have sex and you roll over and pass out, i get out my toys and pleasure myself. I want to get intimate with another female but you say no, your afraid you would loose me to a woman. I have respected your wishes so far, except for one time, but you know what? Maybe you are right. Maybe a woman could show me emotion alot better than you can, and I bet give me better pleasure. You have no idea how tempted I am to find me a woman and see. But I do love you with all my heart. You just don't do anything anymore. Its you that has changed, i still go out and have fun, you used to go with me, but not anymore, and its not because I don't want you too. i do. And you say its because we have kids. Well guess what ass hole! I take the kids with and do stuff with them, not those losers we used to hang out with. Like today, I took the kids to the park, you wont even do that with us, you say that why should we go to the park, we have a yard. Its something to do, a change of scenery, and away from your depressing ass. I want this marriage to work, and I am willing to try whatever it takes, but that don't matter if you aren't willing, so get your head out of your ass and figure out what you are going to do about it before I am gone!!!
Confession #2285
I confess that I don't know how to help my daughter. She's 18 and has been going out with a piece of shit boy one year older than her for 2 1/2 years and he has consistently broken her heart over and over and over again. I never liked him from the start. It took months before I'd even start to look him in the eye and then after a few months more and a few heart-to-hearts with him I began to except him (but always suspicious of him). Well, she goes away to see my family in another state for 4 days, and he cheats on her. She's hysterical and devastated. And after hours of her crying and me trying to say all the right things she starts talking about how she's going to take him back if he does X & Y. I told her she's crazy to even think of taking him back once again and that I will never except this boy again, and I called his father who was so apologetic for his sons awful behavior and told him to tell his son not to ever call my daughter again. I don't know what to do. I just hold her, and say "I know, I know" over and over. Please, anyone? OPh, and this drama comes on the heels of her bio dads recent rejection, and her bio dads family's rejection as well. My poor kid. Shit.
Confession #2286
Sometimes I'd rather have chocolate than sex. Well, not really sometimes...more like most of the time.
Confession #2287
Have you noticed that every time you and your husband come to visit that he, at some point, turns on our television and peruses the pay per view porn stations? It is possibly the strangest thing I have ever seen - and it isn't that I am personally offended by porn - just that he is doing this in some one else's home.
Confession #2288
You stupid stupid woman, don't you realize that if you don't stop dwelling on the fact that your husband had an affair, you're gonna lose him forever.
You chose to stay with him, even though you know in your heart that he loves me and that he'll always come back to me. He stayed away from me for almost 2 years, but now he's back cause you can't stop harping on him. He's with me several times a week telling me how you're driving him insane with the accusations. At this point, he just figures if he's getting in trouble for it, he might as well be doing it.
You've had ample time to move on from this, you could have gone to therapy, and moved on with your life. You could have been happy in the fact that you won, he chose you as you call it, but instead you've stalked me in some way, shape, or form for 2 years and paid absolutely no attention to your husband. If you took all of the energy and put it into loving your husband, he wouldn't keep coming back for more.
If he and I ever do end up together, I will be happy to tell you to your face, "Thank you for giving me the one thing I really wanted."
You need professional help in a serious way. Go get it or get out!
Confession #2289
I know I told you that I would love you regardless of what kind of job you did - but it isn't true. You are wasting your intelligence in these mechanic jobs. You are depressed and withdrawn. What worked for you and me when we were 25 doesn't work so well at almost 40 with 3 kids.
Confession #2290
You are a punk ass bitch and I hope you get everything you deserve in life. I hope all of your holier than thou statements come back to swallow you up someday.
Your loud audible sighing is driving me crazy. I have never seen or heard an adult sigh as much as you do. But the worst is that you do it - and if I ask what is up, you say "nothing" and then sigh AGAIN. It is as if you are an 86 year old woman.
Confession #2282
I bought you a Moto Q smartphone for Christmas. I just found porn sites on it in your internet history. Jerk.
Confession #2283
Sometimes when you get mad at me I wish I still cut myself. It's hard
not to, especially when you do things like telling me "shut the garage
door" and then when i go to shut the door, saying "Not THAT door! The
other door!" I can't read your mind and know you mean the side door on
the garage. You say "garage door" and I go to shut the one on the front,
the big one. And then you get upset with me and I want to cut myself.
Why am I the one to doubt myself? I'm pretty sure you've never wanted to
cut yourself.
Confession #2284
I love you with all my heart, but i really feel that you are holding me back in all i want to do. I want to have a clean house, but you wont pick up after yourself. i am tired of doing it for you. I want to be a lpn, but you gripe at me when i have to study instead of spending time with you. don't you get it jackass? I am doing this to better ours and our kids lives. I feel like I am just a piece of ass to you. we only have sex when its convenient to you, never when I want it. I want it all the time because thats the only way you ever show you care about me. You never do anything for me anymore, you don't open doors and you don't get me off. After we have sex and you roll over and pass out, i get out my toys and pleasure myself. I want to get intimate with another female but you say no, your afraid you would loose me to a woman. I have respected your wishes so far, except for one time, but you know what? Maybe you are right. Maybe a woman could show me emotion alot better than you can, and I bet give me better pleasure. You have no idea how tempted I am to find me a woman and see. But I do love you with all my heart. You just don't do anything anymore. Its you that has changed, i still go out and have fun, you used to go with me, but not anymore, and its not because I don't want you too. i do. And you say its because we have kids. Well guess what ass hole! I take the kids with and do stuff with them, not those losers we used to hang out with. Like today, I took the kids to the park, you wont even do that with us, you say that why should we go to the park, we have a yard. Its something to do, a change of scenery, and away from your depressing ass. I want this marriage to work, and I am willing to try whatever it takes, but that don't matter if you aren't willing, so get your head out of your ass and figure out what you are going to do about it before I am gone!!!
Confession #2285
I confess that I don't know how to help my daughter. She's 18 and has been going out with a piece of shit boy one year older than her for 2 1/2 years and he has consistently broken her heart over and over and over again. I never liked him from the start. It took months before I'd even start to look him in the eye and then after a few months more and a few heart-to-hearts with him I began to except him (but always suspicious of him). Well, she goes away to see my family in another state for 4 days, and he cheats on her. She's hysterical and devastated. And after hours of her crying and me trying to say all the right things she starts talking about how she's going to take him back if he does X & Y. I told her she's crazy to even think of taking him back once again and that I will never except this boy again, and I called his father who was so apologetic for his sons awful behavior and told him to tell his son not to ever call my daughter again. I don't know what to do. I just hold her, and say "I know, I know" over and over. Please, anyone? OPh, and this drama comes on the heels of her bio dads recent rejection, and her bio dads family's rejection as well. My poor kid. Shit.
Confession #2286
Sometimes I'd rather have chocolate than sex. Well, not really sometimes...more like most of the time.
Confession #2287
Have you noticed that every time you and your husband come to visit that he, at some point, turns on our television and peruses the pay per view porn stations? It is possibly the strangest thing I have ever seen - and it isn't that I am personally offended by porn - just that he is doing this in some one else's home.
Confession #2288
You stupid stupid woman, don't you realize that if you don't stop dwelling on the fact that your husband had an affair, you're gonna lose him forever.
You chose to stay with him, even though you know in your heart that he loves me and that he'll always come back to me. He stayed away from me for almost 2 years, but now he's back cause you can't stop harping on him. He's with me several times a week telling me how you're driving him insane with the accusations. At this point, he just figures if he's getting in trouble for it, he might as well be doing it.
You've had ample time to move on from this, you could have gone to therapy, and moved on with your life. You could have been happy in the fact that you won, he chose you as you call it, but instead you've stalked me in some way, shape, or form for 2 years and paid absolutely no attention to your husband. If you took all of the energy and put it into loving your husband, he wouldn't keep coming back for more.
If he and I ever do end up together, I will be happy to tell you to your face, "Thank you for giving me the one thing I really wanted."
You need professional help in a serious way. Go get it or get out!
Confession #2289
I know I told you that I would love you regardless of what kind of job you did - but it isn't true. You are wasting your intelligence in these mechanic jobs. You are depressed and withdrawn. What worked for you and me when we were 25 doesn't work so well at almost 40 with 3 kids.
Confession #2290
You are a punk ass bitch and I hope you get everything you deserve in life. I hope all of your holier than thou statements come back to swallow you up someday.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
True Wife Confessions 228 pieces of confetti
Confession #2271
My Sweet Boy,
Thank you for loving me so completely. Thank you for loving my daughter and doing it through the hardest part of a child's life, and the fact that you aren't her bio dad is astounding and affirms my belief that you really do love her, as hard as it's been. What you have done by loving my daughter is going to shape the woman she will become ,and I cannot express how deeply grateful am to you-- you have un-done the horrible damage cause by her bio dad and given my daughter a role model worthy of her love. Words cannot express. Thank you for this beautiful home. Thank you for listening to me when I knew what was right for our family. And thank you for coming to me afterwards and admitting it. Thank you for the great sex, thank you for loving me when I gained 20 Lbs and thank you for loving me when I lost it. Thank you for loving my family. Thank you, my love. I must have done something right to deserve a man like you. And now, the best is yet to come. Kid in college, money to spare, traveling and enjoying each other........and fat grandbabies to bounce on our knees!! I love you, Sweet Boy. Happy 2008 to us and ours.
Confession #2272
Dear Hubby...
I told you that I wanted a divorce seven months ago, and you refuse to give it to me. You were the meanest ugliest person to me in the last 6 years that I have been married to you. I have done so much for you, and all you have done is hurt my children and me. Well, guess what. You work out of town, and are gone for 6-8 weeks at a time, and I use that time to be with other men. I have dated and even slept with other men. I had to purchase a separate cell phone and use that one to give my number to the guys to call, but hide it when you are in town for those 2 weeks. When I go shopping, I see this one particular guy, that I have been getting close to. I lead a secret life when you are gone. I go out every weekend, all weekend. And I don't feel guilty or ashamed. When I even start to question it, I think of all the times you got angry and came at me to hurt me physically, and all that goes away. I even like that fact that I get to stay home. I don't have to deal with traffic, or office politics. I get all your money....and I shop. I shop to look good for other men. When you tell me you love me, I don't even say it back to you...how does that make you feel? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't love you? Do you not get it?
Sincerely,
Your wife who doesn't love you!
P.S.
Kids also want me to get a divorce...that says alot about you!
Confession #2273
I really don't care for your ex-wife, I think she is a two-faced witch with some very cruel intentions when it comes to being your "baby momma". But I am insanely jealous of her, jealous that she gets a fat check from us every month and none of your BS, jealous that her new finance makes big money and buys her everything and showers her with attention. I don't understand why she got the "goods" and I feel like I got crap. I know its so wrong to think like this, I do love you more than anything and sometimes I wish I didn't. You are mean, you are rude and you can be selfish, no not with money, but with yourself. You don't pay attention to me or the kids and you are always griping at us. I wish it wasn't this way. I sometimes feel like an awful person, but I think if she were miserable too...I would feel better. I know I have issues.
Confession #2274
Don't ignore me. Its not nice. Why do you only get in touch when you want to get laid. Its partly my fault because i allow you, but im sick and tired of it now so you can fuck off.
When you're with me your so kind and considerate, but the minute you walk out the door its like i cease to exist. Well - until the next time you're feeling horny.
Now im taking the control back - FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confession #2275
Confession #2276
Honey, as you very well know I love you more and more as the days go by. But, as each day passes I have a stronger urge to kill you while you sleep, I find myself torn! Fix your shit or else.
Love me XOXOXOXO
Confession #2277
Our long distance relationship is going good but I needed company. I’m lonely baby. I live in this travel trailer, in a campground, alone. Wondering how my life is going to go.
I know you don’t want to have anymore pets. I know you’re not happy about taking care of my son’s dog & the mess she’s made of your house (though your boys had more to do with that but we won’t go there right now). You know I miss my Boxers that my ex took when he left. You know I couldn’t take my son’s dog up here.
And there he was. He’s so cute. And sweet. He’s a good boy. Already house broken. Quiet. He’s a big ol’ lap dog. He’s a good puppy. My friend from work who took care of him over the holidays for me was so impressed with how sweet he is she went ahead and took him to her house with her son & her own dog. And she said he was a really good boy there. He proves that pit bulls are not the monsters they’re made out to be.
So baby, I have another dog. You’ll meet him next week. I know you’ll be mad at me. And we’ll argue. And we’ll have great make up sex. And you know you’ll fall in love with him too.
You’re my baby.
Confession #2278
Every three or four months I have a little too much to drink. And we aren't talking fifths of booze here people , like three or four glasses of wine. Could you PLEASE stop acting like I am a continual drunk on the occasions that I do this. Your disapproval and snide remarks about my "drinking" make me crazy.
Confession #2279
I still don't trust you. I hate feeling this way about you. I check the pockets of your jeans for receipts, I check your phone for recent calls and text messages. It breaks my heart to know what I might find because I want to believe you soooooo badly.
Confession #2280
You are my best friend. You are the father of my child. I will always care for you and want the best for you. But I don't love you. There is nothing inside me when you touch me. All I can think during sex is that I hope you finish quick. While I could list a million things that have contributed to me feeling this way, I wonder - do marriages just have shelf lives? Was that what I set us up for when I chose to marry a man for whom I had no passion? I wonder would it hurt you more for me to end this marriage, or for me to just keep going on - pretending like this. We don't have huge arguments, or screaming matches. Its just like it died. And I don't know what to do.
My Sweet Boy,
Thank you for loving me so completely. Thank you for loving my daughter and doing it through the hardest part of a child's life, and the fact that you aren't her bio dad is astounding and affirms my belief that you really do love her, as hard as it's been. What you have done by loving my daughter is going to shape the woman she will become ,and I cannot express how deeply grateful am to you-- you have un-done the horrible damage cause by her bio dad and given my daughter a role model worthy of her love. Words cannot express. Thank you for this beautiful home. Thank you for listening to me when I knew what was right for our family. And thank you for coming to me afterwards and admitting it. Thank you for the great sex, thank you for loving me when I gained 20 Lbs and thank you for loving me when I lost it. Thank you for loving my family. Thank you, my love. I must have done something right to deserve a man like you. And now, the best is yet to come. Kid in college, money to spare, traveling and enjoying each other........and fat grandbabies to bounce on our knees!! I love you, Sweet Boy. Happy 2008 to us and ours.
Confession #2272
Dear Hubby...
I told you that I wanted a divorce seven months ago, and you refuse to give it to me. You were the meanest ugliest person to me in the last 6 years that I have been married to you. I have done so much for you, and all you have done is hurt my children and me. Well, guess what. You work out of town, and are gone for 6-8 weeks at a time, and I use that time to be with other men. I have dated and even slept with other men. I had to purchase a separate cell phone and use that one to give my number to the guys to call, but hide it when you are in town for those 2 weeks. When I go shopping, I see this one particular guy, that I have been getting close to. I lead a secret life when you are gone. I go out every weekend, all weekend. And I don't feel guilty or ashamed. When I even start to question it, I think of all the times you got angry and came at me to hurt me physically, and all that goes away. I even like that fact that I get to stay home. I don't have to deal with traffic, or office politics. I get all your money....and I shop. I shop to look good for other men. When you tell me you love me, I don't even say it back to you...how does that make you feel? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't love you? Do you not get it?
Sincerely,
Your wife who doesn't love you!
P.S.
Kids also want me to get a divorce...that says alot about you!
Confession #2273
I really don't care for your ex-wife, I think she is a two-faced witch with some very cruel intentions when it comes to being your "baby momma". But I am insanely jealous of her, jealous that she gets a fat check from us every month and none of your BS, jealous that her new finance makes big money and buys her everything and showers her with attention. I don't understand why she got the "goods" and I feel like I got crap. I know its so wrong to think like this, I do love you more than anything and sometimes I wish I didn't. You are mean, you are rude and you can be selfish, no not with money, but with yourself. You don't pay attention to me or the kids and you are always griping at us. I wish it wasn't this way. I sometimes feel like an awful person, but I think if she were miserable too...I would feel better. I know I have issues.
Confession #2274
Don't ignore me. Its not nice. Why do you only get in touch when you want to get laid. Its partly my fault because i allow you, but im sick and tired of it now so you can fuck off.
When you're with me your so kind and considerate, but the minute you walk out the door its like i cease to exist. Well - until the next time you're feeling horny.
Now im taking the control back - FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confession #2275
Confession #2276
Honey, as you very well know I love you more and more as the days go by. But, as each day passes I have a stronger urge to kill you while you sleep, I find myself torn! Fix your shit or else.
Love me XOXOXOXO
Confession #2277
Our long distance relationship is going good but I needed company. I’m lonely baby. I live in this travel trailer, in a campground, alone. Wondering how my life is going to go.
I know you don’t want to have anymore pets. I know you’re not happy about taking care of my son’s dog & the mess she’s made of your house (though your boys had more to do with that but we won’t go there right now). You know I miss my Boxers that my ex took when he left. You know I couldn’t take my son’s dog up here.
And there he was. He’s so cute. And sweet. He’s a good boy. Already house broken. Quiet. He’s a big ol’ lap dog. He’s a good puppy. My friend from work who took care of him over the holidays for me was so impressed with how sweet he is she went ahead and took him to her house with her son & her own dog. And she said he was a really good boy there. He proves that pit bulls are not the monsters they’re made out to be.
So baby, I have another dog. You’ll meet him next week. I know you’ll be mad at me. And we’ll argue. And we’ll have great make up sex. And you know you’ll fall in love with him too.
You’re my baby.
Confession #2278
Every three or four months I have a little too much to drink. And we aren't talking fifths of booze here people , like three or four glasses of wine. Could you PLEASE stop acting like I am a continual drunk on the occasions that I do this. Your disapproval and snide remarks about my "drinking" make me crazy.
Confession #2279
I still don't trust you. I hate feeling this way about you. I check the pockets of your jeans for receipts, I check your phone for recent calls and text messages. It breaks my heart to know what I might find because I want to believe you soooooo badly.
Confession #2280
You are my best friend. You are the father of my child. I will always care for you and want the best for you. But I don't love you. There is nothing inside me when you touch me. All I can think during sex is that I hope you finish quick. While I could list a million things that have contributed to me feeling this way, I wonder - do marriages just have shelf lives? Was that what I set us up for when I chose to marry a man for whom I had no passion? I wonder would it hurt you more for me to end this marriage, or for me to just keep going on - pretending like this. We don't have huge arguments, or screaming matches. Its just like it died. And I don't know what to do.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
True Wife Confession 226 moments of silence
Confession #2251
When I left the house last Thursday I was so mad at you. I was planning
on staying out with the girls until you were in bed so I wouldn't have
to talk to you when i got home. And then it happened. Some idiot in a
big truck, going too fast, in a big hurry drove through the back of my
car. I was sitting in the middle of the road crosswise with the back of
my car totally smashed, I looked my girlfriend said call the police, and
I called you, crying hysterical in shock and said you have to come. You
were the only one I wanted. And you came, and it didn't matter anymore,
the car, the being mad, all that mattered was that you were there. I
love you.
Confession #2252
Two days ago you sat down to the pasta with ricotta cheese and fresh spinach that I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have dissolved the sugar in a little warm water before adding it to the salad dressing because the dressing was too vinegar-y. Yesterday you sat down to the chicken enchiladas I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have put spices and fried onions in the rice.
I told you that it was two days in a row that you'd bitched about what I'd set in front of you, and if you wanted to make dinner tomorrow I would happily wait for it to hit the table and then I'd tell you exactly what I thought of it.
If you think you're making a meal tonight out of the leftovers from the past two nights, you son of a bitch, you are so wrong. You are so fucking wrong.
Confession #2253
I'm the smiling, always happy girl, you see & constantly call "sweet", with the "perfect life", perfect "significant other", & "perfect family".
The only thing is, I'm not.
My life is about other people. My life is about hiding me, outta fear that someone will discover this deep dark secret I hold in my heart, but can't tell a soul. I thought "he" knew, the loving boyfriend every other girl is jealous of, but if he does, he doesn't let on. I told him I was almost raped by a man, I couldn't say the whole thing once I started crying, but the thing is, he doesn't know what man.
My father, who everyone rants about being "great", beat the crap outta me behind closed doors. He mentally tears me down, constantly pointing out my every flaw. He punched me in my face once, my lip was enlarged far beyond anything normal. Boyfriend asked about it, so I told him. I opened up. He wanted to go "beat" him in return & I told him no, not to since I'm deathly afraid of him. He didn't. I still hate him for not doing anything, but he made his choice & I made mine. I'll leave him over it eventually - when I get up the guts.
I think my father "raped" me, but I'm not sure. I remember waking up once, half dressed, & him freaking out, making me drink something, then passing out again. I wish I could convince myself I dreamed it. I know I didn't dream it though, that's the sick part. He's constantly in my life, stalking my every move, & making sure I'm what he wants me to be in life. He's obsessed & has nothing else, but he did that to me, I know he did & every time I start kissing a man, I think of that. I freeze up & can't move, I get scared to death the man I'm with will find out I'm not his alone.
I'm in fear of feeling. I pick fights to try to make my boyfriend leave, but he hasn't. Yet, but I know he will eventually. He said he won't, but eventually he'll tire of my ranting & leave. I'm scared to feel, cause I know if I do, I'm going to crumble inside. I'm tired of playing "happy". I'm tired of being something I'm not, but I have no idea how to escape it, so instead, I play "happy", act like the world is roses & candy canes, then move on w/my life.
Someday, things will be better & my life will be what I'm dreaming. That's what I keep hoping for, to have someone to talk to & confide in, but I don't know what to do. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm resentful.
I hate my life & I have positively no way to change it, so I will act like I do until I finally get the courage to end it all.
Confession #2254
I read this a long time ago
a certain sadness
touches me
in thoughts too deep to share
not that you never loved me
but that I cease to care
Confession #2255
The other morning I woke up and was happy because my cold was finally gone. The day before a co-worker had taken me clothes shopping as my christmas gift. I asked if you wanted to see my clothes and you said sure. I know the moment i showed you the pants that you were going to say something about how big they are. But you took it a step further than I thought you would by telling me, "Honey why are you so big? None of my ex wives were that big. I can't believe you are so big!" Well, you know what I have to say? FUCK YOU AND YOUR EX WIVES!!! They didn't live my life and neither did you. You don't complain about how fat I am when you have sex with me. Maybe next time I should tell you, "Honey why is your dick broke??None of my ex boyfriends had broke dicks!!" You are a selfish, self-centered, ungrateful, sleazy piece of crap!!! I know you only married me because I was pregnant and you needed a green card. I am not as foolish as you & your mom think. Everyday my love for you diminishes more and more with all the disrespect you show me. Next time you want ice cream get it yourself, you want a foot massage, oh, well, so do I, do it yourself!!
Confession #2256
I'm not premenstrual. I'm just tired of putting up with your shit.
Confession #2257
I have posted here before, but I feel the need to confess again. I can’t get him out of my mind. I am married and I love him. But………………………
I love another man too. Please don’t bash me. The other man doesn’t want me anymore. I pushed him away and he finally took the bait…… I am so upset. I did this to myself because I am selfish. To every woman that thinks you can have your cake and eat it too, please believe me, you can’t. I miss the “other man”. I hope and pray that all of you take heed in my mistake. I am a fool, I have a wonderful husband……I know I am wrong…….. I will have to live with this and never will be with him again. So here I sit, feeling like a complete fool and I should… so remember when you think about cheating…………. It’s not all what you think… it’s true that your feelings do get in the way.
Confession #2258
Dear Husband,
I know that you love me with all of your heart, especially since I took in your 6 year old son (which has turned my life uspide down) and I now treat him as if he was my own and still deal with the effects of his psychotic mom.... But, how could you not have even purchased a card for me for Christmas?? I know that we said that we wouldn't buy each other anything because we are low on money and we wanted to spoil the kids, but I did go out and buy you a GPS system! I know I went back on my word for not buying you anything, but I love you and I know that you needed it terribly for your new job. But seriously...no card. Come on. They cost 2 dollars, or 50 cents at the Dollar Store! I don't know if you noticed but it took everything in me not to cry on Christmas morning. I had to even buy my own gift from Santa, along with yours (even though you knew what they were). I know now you feel like an ass, but that is not the point. Sometimes you need to think about my feelings. Small things do really matter to me, no matter what I say. I am dealing with so much right now and I don't know when the breaking point will be. I could never leave you because we are meant to be together but you need to start changing some of your ways. I love you...but think about me sometimes and my feelings. I always think about you.
Confession #2259
You are such an ass! I've listened to you whine for days about how ill you are, and I'm right there getting you hot tea, a blanket when you're chilled, more Tylenol, etc, but I've been sick for the same number of days, and still I put on a happy face and hosted a fantastic Christmas Day including a lovely Christmas dinner for you and your side of the family. And what do I get? You being more of an ass. No news there, right hon? Well the news is I've had it with your complaining and self-serving behavior. Get over yourself. You're not the only one who feels like crap. I've had to suck it up and get on with things, now it's your turn. Be a man!!
Confession #2260
How did it ever come to this? I am not a bad person, but you would never know that from my actions. I wonder if everything we are now is because I lured you in somehow. I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships. They all basically end the same. I am a slave to my impulses. I know I am spinning now, I am falling apart. We are falling apart.
We have been through so much. We got engaged even though we had known each other less than a year. We moved in together. We lost our home in the flood after the levees failed in Hurricane Katrina. We lost our jobs. We got married, only a couple of months after the flood. It was a wedding that I threw together in the midst of all that turmoil. I really can't think of to many times in our wedded life that I or even we have been truly happy. We just go through the daily routine. There is no romance. There is no communication. There are really even no common interests. I had to quit my job because of my bad judgment topped with my drinking too much got me in a bad situation. When I was going to that counselor it was to try to sort out what is going on with me in my head. I had to stop seeing her though because she really didn't get me. And now I have no where else for help. I know you think if I get back on meds it would help, but it wouldn't. I can't be a zombie anymore. And now my Dad is dying. He is so frail, and not himself anymore. And I don't know what I am going to do without him.
If you only knew the things that I have done, the men that I have been with. You would be crushed. I cheat on you every time I get the chance. And everyone knows, my friends, family, everyone but you. I have made a cuckold out of you. The worst part is there is only a part of me that is sorry. The rest of me just doesn't know what to think. And the worst part is most are not even nearly as good as you. You work hard, you never complain, and you are a good and honest man, but on the down side you are lazy. I feel like you aren't even concerned with my needs. We used to have great sex. Really great sex. You used to talk to me. You used to hold me. You used to worship me. One day it just stopped. You are too tired. You would rather watch T.V. You would rather spend time with the damn dogs. I feel so alone, especially when I am with you.
I did start to make arrangements for a divorce. I tried to leave. But, with this situation with my family going on I have to wait this out. I really don't want my Dad to find out and go to his death worrying about me. And I really have no where to go. I have no job, though I am really looking. Last night, at the Christmas party that you made me go alone to, I was with another man. You may as well have wrapped me in a damn bow for him. I didn't plan it, but I didn't resist to him at all. Still, I don't think you deserve to be made a fool of in front of all the people who saw us together last night. And I do fell a little bad, but only because this time I may get caught.
I just can't figure out why I can't hold any relationship together. All the major ones all end up just like this. I know it's a pattern. I know I am insanely impulsive. And I know I love the feeling of that newness. I love the feeling of someone who can match my passion. I really don't want to hurt you but I know that I will. That on some level leaves my stomach raw and twisting. I hate being so dishonest. I wish you got my rock and roll soul.
When I left the house last Thursday I was so mad at you. I was planning
on staying out with the girls until you were in bed so I wouldn't have
to talk to you when i got home. And then it happened. Some idiot in a
big truck, going too fast, in a big hurry drove through the back of my
car. I was sitting in the middle of the road crosswise with the back of
my car totally smashed, I looked my girlfriend said call the police, and
I called you, crying hysterical in shock and said you have to come. You
were the only one I wanted. And you came, and it didn't matter anymore,
the car, the being mad, all that mattered was that you were there. I
love you.
Confession #2252
Two days ago you sat down to the pasta with ricotta cheese and fresh spinach that I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have dissolved the sugar in a little warm water before adding it to the salad dressing because the dressing was too vinegar-y. Yesterday you sat down to the chicken enchiladas I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have put spices and fried onions in the rice.
I told you that it was two days in a row that you'd bitched about what I'd set in front of you, and if you wanted to make dinner tomorrow I would happily wait for it to hit the table and then I'd tell you exactly what I thought of it.
If you think you're making a meal tonight out of the leftovers from the past two nights, you son of a bitch, you are so wrong. You are so fucking wrong.
Confession #2253
I'm the smiling, always happy girl, you see & constantly call "sweet", with the "perfect life", perfect "significant other", & "perfect family".
The only thing is, I'm not.
My life is about other people. My life is about hiding me, outta fear that someone will discover this deep dark secret I hold in my heart, but can't tell a soul. I thought "he" knew, the loving boyfriend every other girl is jealous of, but if he does, he doesn't let on. I told him I was almost raped by a man, I couldn't say the whole thing once I started crying, but the thing is, he doesn't know what man.
My father, who everyone rants about being "great", beat the crap outta me behind closed doors. He mentally tears me down, constantly pointing out my every flaw. He punched me in my face once, my lip was enlarged far beyond anything normal. Boyfriend asked about it, so I told him. I opened up. He wanted to go "beat" him in return & I told him no, not to since I'm deathly afraid of him. He didn't. I still hate him for not doing anything, but he made his choice & I made mine. I'll leave him over it eventually - when I get up the guts.
I think my father "raped" me, but I'm not sure. I remember waking up once, half dressed, & him freaking out, making me drink something, then passing out again. I wish I could convince myself I dreamed it. I know I didn't dream it though, that's the sick part. He's constantly in my life, stalking my every move, & making sure I'm what he wants me to be in life. He's obsessed & has nothing else, but he did that to me, I know he did & every time I start kissing a man, I think of that. I freeze up & can't move, I get scared to death the man I'm with will find out I'm not his alone.
I'm in fear of feeling. I pick fights to try to make my boyfriend leave, but he hasn't. Yet, but I know he will eventually. He said he won't, but eventually he'll tire of my ranting & leave. I'm scared to feel, cause I know if I do, I'm going to crumble inside. I'm tired of playing "happy". I'm tired of being something I'm not, but I have no idea how to escape it, so instead, I play "happy", act like the world is roses & candy canes, then move on w/my life.
Someday, things will be better & my life will be what I'm dreaming. That's what I keep hoping for, to have someone to talk to & confide in, but I don't know what to do. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm resentful.
I hate my life & I have positively no way to change it, so I will act like I do until I finally get the courage to end it all.
Confession #2254
I read this a long time ago
a certain sadness
touches me
in thoughts too deep to share
not that you never loved me
but that I cease to care
Confession #2255
The other morning I woke up and was happy because my cold was finally gone. The day before a co-worker had taken me clothes shopping as my christmas gift. I asked if you wanted to see my clothes and you said sure. I know the moment i showed you the pants that you were going to say something about how big they are. But you took it a step further than I thought you would by telling me, "Honey why are you so big? None of my ex wives were that big. I can't believe you are so big!" Well, you know what I have to say? FUCK YOU AND YOUR EX WIVES!!! They didn't live my life and neither did you. You don't complain about how fat I am when you have sex with me. Maybe next time I should tell you, "Honey why is your dick broke??None of my ex boyfriends had broke dicks!!" You are a selfish, self-centered, ungrateful, sleazy piece of crap!!! I know you only married me because I was pregnant and you needed a green card. I am not as foolish as you & your mom think. Everyday my love for you diminishes more and more with all the disrespect you show me. Next time you want ice cream get it yourself, you want a foot massage, oh, well, so do I, do it yourself!!
Confession #2256
I'm not premenstrual. I'm just tired of putting up with your shit.
Confession #2257
I have posted here before, but I feel the need to confess again. I can’t get him out of my mind. I am married and I love him. But………………………
I love another man too. Please don’t bash me. The other man doesn’t want me anymore. I pushed him away and he finally took the bait…… I am so upset. I did this to myself because I am selfish. To every woman that thinks you can have your cake and eat it too, please believe me, you can’t. I miss the “other man”. I hope and pray that all of you take heed in my mistake. I am a fool, I have a wonderful husband……I know I am wrong…….. I will have to live with this and never will be with him again. So here I sit, feeling like a complete fool and I should… so remember when you think about cheating…………. It’s not all what you think… it’s true that your feelings do get in the way.
Confession #2258
Dear Husband,
I know that you love me with all of your heart, especially since I took in your 6 year old son (which has turned my life uspide down) and I now treat him as if he was my own and still deal with the effects of his psychotic mom.... But, how could you not have even purchased a card for me for Christmas?? I know that we said that we wouldn't buy each other anything because we are low on money and we wanted to spoil the kids, but I did go out and buy you a GPS system! I know I went back on my word for not buying you anything, but I love you and I know that you needed it terribly for your new job. But seriously...no card. Come on. They cost 2 dollars, or 50 cents at the Dollar Store! I don't know if you noticed but it took everything in me not to cry on Christmas morning. I had to even buy my own gift from Santa, along with yours (even though you knew what they were). I know now you feel like an ass, but that is not the point. Sometimes you need to think about my feelings. Small things do really matter to me, no matter what I say. I am dealing with so much right now and I don't know when the breaking point will be. I could never leave you because we are meant to be together but you need to start changing some of your ways. I love you...but think about me sometimes and my feelings. I always think about you.
Confession #2259
You are such an ass! I've listened to you whine for days about how ill you are, and I'm right there getting you hot tea, a blanket when you're chilled, more Tylenol, etc, but I've been sick for the same number of days, and still I put on a happy face and hosted a fantastic Christmas Day including a lovely Christmas dinner for you and your side of the family. And what do I get? You being more of an ass. No news there, right hon? Well the news is I've had it with your complaining and self-serving behavior. Get over yourself. You're not the only one who feels like crap. I've had to suck it up and get on with things, now it's your turn. Be a man!!
Confession #2260
How did it ever come to this? I am not a bad person, but you would never know that from my actions. I wonder if everything we are now is because I lured you in somehow. I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships. They all basically end the same. I am a slave to my impulses. I know I am spinning now, I am falling apart. We are falling apart.
We have been through so much. We got engaged even though we had known each other less than a year. We moved in together. We lost our home in the flood after the levees failed in Hurricane Katrina. We lost our jobs. We got married, only a couple of months after the flood. It was a wedding that I threw together in the midst of all that turmoil. I really can't think of to many times in our wedded life that I or even we have been truly happy. We just go through the daily routine. There is no romance. There is no communication. There are really even no common interests. I had to quit my job because of my bad judgment topped with my drinking too much got me in a bad situation. When I was going to that counselor it was to try to sort out what is going on with me in my head. I had to stop seeing her though because she really didn't get me. And now I have no where else for help. I know you think if I get back on meds it would help, but it wouldn't. I can't be a zombie anymore. And now my Dad is dying. He is so frail, and not himself anymore. And I don't know what I am going to do without him.
If you only knew the things that I have done, the men that I have been with. You would be crushed. I cheat on you every time I get the chance. And everyone knows, my friends, family, everyone but you. I have made a cuckold out of you. The worst part is there is only a part of me that is sorry. The rest of me just doesn't know what to think. And the worst part is most are not even nearly as good as you. You work hard, you never complain, and you are a good and honest man, but on the down side you are lazy. I feel like you aren't even concerned with my needs. We used to have great sex. Really great sex. You used to talk to me. You used to hold me. You used to worship me. One day it just stopped. You are too tired. You would rather watch T.V. You would rather spend time with the damn dogs. I feel so alone, especially when I am with you.
I did start to make arrangements for a divorce. I tried to leave. But, with this situation with my family going on I have to wait this out. I really don't want my Dad to find out and go to his death worrying about me. And I really have no where to go. I have no job, though I am really looking. Last night, at the Christmas party that you made me go alone to, I was with another man. You may as well have wrapped me in a damn bow for him. I didn't plan it, but I didn't resist to him at all. Still, I don't think you deserve to be made a fool of in front of all the people who saw us together last night. And I do fell a little bad, but only because this time I may get caught.
I just can't figure out why I can't hold any relationship together. All the major ones all end up just like this. I know it's a pattern. I know I am insanely impulsive. And I know I love the feeling of that newness. I love the feeling of someone who can match my passion. I really don't want to hurt you but I know that I will. That on some level leaves my stomach raw and twisting. I hate being so dishonest. I wish you got my rock and roll soul.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
True Wife Confession 225 number of squares on a Scrabble board.
Confession #2241
Our relationship and marriage started off almost 8 years ago today and I'm in need of something new. I love you but hate to be around you. There is just something about the way you treat me that has caused me to start having these feelings. I pretend I'm doing other things just to not be around you. Now the end is coming I'm afraid. The last time we had sex because it sure wasn't making love I felt nothing. I was numb to everything. I didn't enjoy it I won't even lie. After you finished you didn't even ask me if I was done you just rolled over and went to sleep like I wasn't even there. Well now I'm taking a stand. I've bought my own personal sex toy and I must say it has out performed you in the bedroom numerous times. Does this make you wonder that a silicon vibrator is better in bed then you are. It's sad. You have already lost me and every part of me. Now it's time I should tell you to go and move along. Maybe I'll tell you on Christmas.
Confession #2242
I haven't posted to TWC before, although I've spent longer than I should have, at work, reading through the posts and identifying with many!
I have done something so ridiculous, so utterly not like me and so amazingly dangerous and stupid that despite the fact I know I did it I can't believe myself.
For a long time, well over a year, the husband and I have been talking about separating. We'd had a baby and suddenly, the usual cracks just started to gape and the distances between us got wider and it just didn't seem worth it. I couldn't remember what it was like to be first married, although I was sure it had been wonderful; but the feelings escaped me completely. We were tied up in footling minutiae and sniping at each other, scoring points and being generally horrid. I was more horrid than him.
For a very long time indeed I've had a male friend who had also been a sometime lover before I was married - definitely unfinished business. For some reason I have never yet been able to explain to myself I let this man seduce me by email, really believed what he was saying to me, actively participated in making a fool of myself in print, and then, god help me, met up with him and had sex.
Suddenly, the moment I got home, I realised with horror what I'd done and what I had to lose. A husband who loves me and understands me, someone who doesn't get mad or shut himself off or make himself emotionally unavailable, someone who doesn't play mind games. Someone who is actually THERE, at home and there for me. I stood to lose my child, at least for half the time. I stood to lose my home, which we've worked so hard for and at, and which is so much more than a house. My garden.
I guess I could have avoided the issue and tried to forget it - I'm not built like that. Come what may, admitting the crime means at least you care enough to take the flak. I did admit the crime, and it was terrible... days of talking and crying and knowing that the man I married was bitterly disappointed in me and that he would never look at me the same way again. That's hard to live with. Every day I wake up feeling as though there was something terrible that I've forgotten - and then I remember that there is. I am an adultress.
My thoughts constantly turn back to 'why?'. Why go there at all? Why indulge in this pseudo-spiritual email nonsense? Why let this person fool and bamboozle me again after all the times they've done it before? Why believe in them, when they so patently don't believe in me? What was I hoping to gain? I knew this person would never leave their parter for me - there was no chance at all. Was that even what I wanted?
All I can think was, it was like a suicide. I threw myself off the bridge, under the car, whatever; in the second or two before impact I suddenly changed my mind because the important things suddenly jumped into focus. It's not a very good explanation I know. But it's all I can come up with.
I am now struggling to get back to some semblance of normality, shaking with disbelief that I've been offered a chance to continue being married, straining to think of things that will show how much I care, how much I cared but didn't show it. Trying so hard to keep the petty, small-minded, pointless badgering inside. I don't need to treat this man among men that way - in the end, he's proved himself the spiritual and emotional equal of anyone else on the planet; he's proved he has a generous, forgiving and loving nature, and he's proved he loves me.
Just need another 75 or 80 years now to try and make up for even one iota of this stupid, sordid, pathetic, self-inflicted mess. I'll do it or die trying.
Confession #2243
My days are spent at a computer engaged in technical writing, so I am not as verbal or eloquent about my feelings as you are. When I do have something sweet to say, I wish you'd stop interrupting me with your own compliments. They're lovely sentiments, but they derail my train of thoughts and I end up irritated. Just listen and give me a kiss when I'm done.
Confession #2244
Dear Husband,
When I went away a few months ago to visit my girlfriend, I did. But I spent all of the nights with another man in my hotel room. It wasn't what I'd planned on. I'd talked to him some before, there were certainly sexual undertones, but I never dreamed either of us would cross that line. We didn't sleep together, but we came awfully close. He took me to dinner. He paid my taxi fare. He made me feel beautiful, sexy and absolutely like the only woman in the room.
And I realized on my way home that I didn't feel bad for lying in his arms, and not yours. I realized that this man made me feel inheritantly female. And you stopped after our child was born. You don't like the way I look. You tell me if I would only lose this or that, change this or that, you'd want to sleep with me again.
This man ran his hands all over my body, past the imperfections, and made my world spin madly around.
He is asking me to fly back out, but I am refusing.
I still want that feeling with you.
Confession #2245
My Husband:
I love you more than I can express. I can't imagine my life without
you. I love the life we have. I love that we have a beautiful 3
month old son. I love that you only want me to be happy and want to
do anything in your power to make me happy even though I am suffering
from postpartum depression. I love that you work hard everyday to
allow me to be a stay at home mom. I love you that you think I am
sexy even though I don't feel like it. I love that I feel safe
with you. I love that my friends are jealous of me because I have a
husband isn't afraid to show his love for me. I am one of the
luckiest women I know. I love you, My love biscuit.
Your Wife
Confession #2246
I think I might be pregnant.
I already know what you will say if I am. My answer is already no. If I am pregnant, we will be having this baby, so I wish I could tell you somehow to not even bother asking.
Confession #2247
I cannot believe how much you disrespected me in front of my coworkers. Every time you were telling me to shut up I would look up and someone would be staring at us and then give us an awkward smile. It was embarrassing, I was having a good time and you ruined it. YOU ASS, I work all year long and don't ever get a raise or a bonus or even a thank you, except for the Christmas party, and you turned it into treat me like shit night. You're an ass.
Confession #2248
Given the opportunity, I will have a Lesbian experience. I love you. I love being with a man. But, I can't help but think that I am missing out on something by not exploring my Bi curiosity.
Confession #2249
I really, really hate you. You are putting nails in the coffin of our marriage, one by one, slowly but surely. Do you not see how selfish you are? Do you not notice that I do nothing extra for you anymore, when I used to enjoy doing so many things for you, going out of my way to be nice and helpful to you. It's not just because I'm a bitch, it's because I'm sick and tired of doing for you and doing for you and getting nothing in return.
It's a shame that your job, hell, everything is more important to you than your family. You can't put our family or me first and it's sad. You're going to be one lonely guy and it's going to be all of your own doing. Your job is sucking you dry and you're letting it happen. The place would survive without you being there putting in all the long hours that you do, that amazingly you don't get paid for, as you're salaried and get no comp time.
I have so very little respect for you. Your kids know how you are and contrary to what you think, I don't talk bad about you to them. They can see how you are, how you have no time for them and don't want to spend time with them ever. Sad.
Confession #2250
There's a reason it's called "work". If it were fun, we'd pay THEM to do it. I'm sick of hearing you complain about it.
Our relationship and marriage started off almost 8 years ago today and I'm in need of something new. I love you but hate to be around you. There is just something about the way you treat me that has caused me to start having these feelings. I pretend I'm doing other things just to not be around you. Now the end is coming I'm afraid. The last time we had sex because it sure wasn't making love I felt nothing. I was numb to everything. I didn't enjoy it I won't even lie. After you finished you didn't even ask me if I was done you just rolled over and went to sleep like I wasn't even there. Well now I'm taking a stand. I've bought my own personal sex toy and I must say it has out performed you in the bedroom numerous times. Does this make you wonder that a silicon vibrator is better in bed then you are. It's sad. You have already lost me and every part of me. Now it's time I should tell you to go and move along. Maybe I'll tell you on Christmas.
Confession #2242
I haven't posted to TWC before, although I've spent longer than I should have, at work, reading through the posts and identifying with many!
I have done something so ridiculous, so utterly not like me and so amazingly dangerous and stupid that despite the fact I know I did it I can't believe myself.
For a long time, well over a year, the husband and I have been talking about separating. We'd had a baby and suddenly, the usual cracks just started to gape and the distances between us got wider and it just didn't seem worth it. I couldn't remember what it was like to be first married, although I was sure it had been wonderful; but the feelings escaped me completely. We were tied up in footling minutiae and sniping at each other, scoring points and being generally horrid. I was more horrid than him.
For a very long time indeed I've had a male friend who had also been a sometime lover before I was married - definitely unfinished business. For some reason I have never yet been able to explain to myself I let this man seduce me by email, really believed what he was saying to me, actively participated in making a fool of myself in print, and then, god help me, met up with him and had sex.
Suddenly, the moment I got home, I realised with horror what I'd done and what I had to lose. A husband who loves me and understands me, someone who doesn't get mad or shut himself off or make himself emotionally unavailable, someone who doesn't play mind games. Someone who is actually THERE, at home and there for me. I stood to lose my child, at least for half the time. I stood to lose my home, which we've worked so hard for and at, and which is so much more than a house. My garden.
I guess I could have avoided the issue and tried to forget it - I'm not built like that. Come what may, admitting the crime means at least you care enough to take the flak. I did admit the crime, and it was terrible... days of talking and crying and knowing that the man I married was bitterly disappointed in me and that he would never look at me the same way again. That's hard to live with. Every day I wake up feeling as though there was something terrible that I've forgotten - and then I remember that there is. I am an adultress.
My thoughts constantly turn back to 'why?'. Why go there at all? Why indulge in this pseudo-spiritual email nonsense? Why let this person fool and bamboozle me again after all the times they've done it before? Why believe in them, when they so patently don't believe in me? What was I hoping to gain? I knew this person would never leave their parter for me - there was no chance at all. Was that even what I wanted?
All I can think was, it was like a suicide. I threw myself off the bridge, under the car, whatever; in the second or two before impact I suddenly changed my mind because the important things suddenly jumped into focus. It's not a very good explanation I know. But it's all I can come up with.
I am now struggling to get back to some semblance of normality, shaking with disbelief that I've been offered a chance to continue being married, straining to think of things that will show how much I care, how much I cared but didn't show it. Trying so hard to keep the petty, small-minded, pointless badgering inside. I don't need to treat this man among men that way - in the end, he's proved himself the spiritual and emotional equal of anyone else on the planet; he's proved he has a generous, forgiving and loving nature, and he's proved he loves me.
Just need another 75 or 80 years now to try and make up for even one iota of this stupid, sordid, pathetic, self-inflicted mess. I'll do it or die trying.
Confession #2243
My days are spent at a computer engaged in technical writing, so I am not as verbal or eloquent about my feelings as you are. When I do have something sweet to say, I wish you'd stop interrupting me with your own compliments. They're lovely sentiments, but they derail my train of thoughts and I end up irritated. Just listen and give me a kiss when I'm done.
Confession #2244
Dear Husband,
When I went away a few months ago to visit my girlfriend, I did. But I spent all of the nights with another man in my hotel room. It wasn't what I'd planned on. I'd talked to him some before, there were certainly sexual undertones, but I never dreamed either of us would cross that line. We didn't sleep together, but we came awfully close. He took me to dinner. He paid my taxi fare. He made me feel beautiful, sexy and absolutely like the only woman in the room.
And I realized on my way home that I didn't feel bad for lying in his arms, and not yours. I realized that this man made me feel inheritantly female. And you stopped after our child was born. You don't like the way I look. You tell me if I would only lose this or that, change this or that, you'd want to sleep with me again.
This man ran his hands all over my body, past the imperfections, and made my world spin madly around.
He is asking me to fly back out, but I am refusing.
I still want that feeling with you.
Confession #2245
My Husband:
I love you more than I can express. I can't imagine my life without
you. I love the life we have. I love that we have a beautiful 3
month old son. I love that you only want me to be happy and want to
do anything in your power to make me happy even though I am suffering
from postpartum depression. I love that you work hard everyday to
allow me to be a stay at home mom. I love you that you think I am
sexy even though I don't feel like it. I love that I feel safe
with you. I love that my friends are jealous of me because I have a
husband isn't afraid to show his love for me. I am one of the
luckiest women I know. I love you, My love biscuit.
Your Wife
Confession #2246
I think I might be pregnant.
I already know what you will say if I am. My answer is already no. If I am pregnant, we will be having this baby, so I wish I could tell you somehow to not even bother asking.
Confession #2247
I cannot believe how much you disrespected me in front of my coworkers. Every time you were telling me to shut up I would look up and someone would be staring at us and then give us an awkward smile. It was embarrassing, I was having a good time and you ruined it. YOU ASS, I work all year long and don't ever get a raise or a bonus or even a thank you, except for the Christmas party, and you turned it into treat me like shit night. You're an ass.
Confession #2248
Given the opportunity, I will have a Lesbian experience. I love you. I love being with a man. But, I can't help but think that I am missing out on something by not exploring my Bi curiosity.
Confession #2249
I really, really hate you. You are putting nails in the coffin of our marriage, one by one, slowly but surely. Do you not see how selfish you are? Do you not notice that I do nothing extra for you anymore, when I used to enjoy doing so many things for you, going out of my way to be nice and helpful to you. It's not just because I'm a bitch, it's because I'm sick and tired of doing for you and doing for you and getting nothing in return.
It's a shame that your job, hell, everything is more important to you than your family. You can't put our family or me first and it's sad. You're going to be one lonely guy and it's going to be all of your own doing. Your job is sucking you dry and you're letting it happen. The place would survive without you being there putting in all the long hours that you do, that amazingly you don't get paid for, as you're salaried and get no comp time.
I have so very little respect for you. Your kids know how you are and contrary to what you think, I don't talk bad about you to them. They can see how you are, how you have no time for them and don't want to spend time with them ever. Sad.
Confession #2250
There's a reason it's called "work". If it were fun, we'd pay THEM to do it. I'm sick of hearing you complain about it.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
A Thank you to the TWC community
My name is Ida and I had previously posted to TWC concerning my husband’s fetish and desire to cum on my face, a practice I felt was totally disgusting. These feelings existed between my husband and me for quite a while and finally I got to the point where I needed to vent my frustration and is where TWC entered the story. My posting generated quite and stir and so much feedback that it is what gave birth to Dawn's initiation of the Saturday Sex Chat feature. At the time of the original posting, some of the comments posted opened my eyes to certain aspects associated with my issue that I hadn't considered, so I had committed to post a follow up to describe how the issue was finally resolved. For those of you who are not familiar with the original post, I would recommend before you read this post any further, visit and read the original post and associated comments. It was posted on Monday, November 19 under the Group titled "True Wife Confessions 221 B Baker Street", post number 2208. For those of you who are familiar, the following describes what happened after the original posting and how things turned out. As mentioned in my comments to the 2208 posting, your comments made me pause because there were many aspects associated with my husband desiring to cum on my face that I hadn't thought about and frankly, my hard stance of disgust and anger became muted and allowed me to evaluate the overall situation and my feelings and reaction to the act. The first thing following the posting to TWC was to tell my husband I had major issues with him cumming on my face and until I was able to resolve those issues (and yes, I told him he would be involved in the resolution process), I would not allow him to do this to me. At first he didn't take it very well and pouted like a little boy but after a few days he got over it and gave me the space I needed to bring the issue to closure. The first revelation had to do with my aversion to the practice of a man cumming on a woman's face, specifically due to my lack of knowledge on how much this was accepted as "normal" sex for couples in the bedroom, and not just something done to porn actors and prostitutes. This eliminated the "I am all alone" feelings I had about this. The next breakthrough was associated with my feelings that this act was totally for him and from which I derive no pleasure. When he would cum on my face there were two things I had to deal with. The first was my disgust for the act and my belief that it is an abnormal practice for married couples and the second (which is directly tied to the first), I would not be in any way sexually aroused when the act occurred. The two ingredients in this recipe guaranteed the same outcome every time my husband came on my face, anger and disgust. Basically, I would just lay there and he would do it to me and that would be that. No satisfaction, just anger. Two weeks ago, I sat down with my husband and told him I was ready to discuss the issue with him. At that time, I told him he didn't understand the feelings I was harboring when he came on my face even though I told him I didn't enjoy and didn't really like him doing it to me. I then told him about TWC and how I posted as a means of venting my anger and frustration. He initially became upset about me making our personal sex life public, but when I told him the posting was anonymous, he calmed down. I went to the computer and pulled up TWC and my post and asked him to read it. He did and when he finished reading, he just sat there in silence, staring at the screen. He eventually got up from the chair and we embraced for what seemed like eternity and yes, we both did shed a few tears. He did not realize the depth of anger I had been feeling over this. I told him I would be willing to once again allow him to cum on my face but I still had a difficult time with it being a "one way" act. I told him we needed to figure out a way for me to get pleasure out the act along with him so we can share vice one giving and one receiving. We did find a way and here's how. We have tried this several times and each time it worked with no negative feelings. We lay and bed and fondle one another, getting each other sexually aroused. I would bring him to the point of erection and gently stroke him to keep him erect but not to the point of cumming. He would rub my pussy, working me with his fingers until I am very wet and nearing the point of orgasm. Next, he would leave my side and stand alongside the bed where I would suck his penis while he would be rubbing my clit with his finger. The next part takes a little practice because I want to be nearing peaking but do not want to orgasm before he cums so we signal to one another when there is a need to slow down. When he is ready to cum, he lets me know and removes his penis from my mouth and grasps it with his hand allows it shoot wherever he desires. While he his bringing himself to orgasm, I am continuing to rub my clit to keep myself near peak arousal but not to orgasm. After he finishes cumming on my face, he goes down between my legs and brings me to orgasm using his tongue. It is amazing on how my feelings about having cum on my face changed when it occurred when I was sexually aroused. I no longer focused on what his cum felt like or its smell while on my face because my mind was totally fixated on my own pleasure. I guess it proves the fact if you say and think you hate something long enough, when you try it you will hate it. As for the cleanup, he goes to the bathroom to get a warm wet washcloth and gently and lovingly wipes his cum from my face so I don't even have to get out of bed. We've even tried this method of parallel arousal for blowjobs finishing with him cumming in my mouth and me swallowing. Even though I've done it for him in the past, I found the taste of his cum objectionable and really had to force the swallow. Once again, having him cum in my mouth and swallowing while at a peak state of sexual changed my whole reaction to the feel and taste of his cum. Now, I am not particularly about the aftertaste of his cum but I found having a glass of wine next to the bed easily solves the problem.
With all of this said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank TWC and all of you who provided comments to my original posting. You have changed mine and my husbands life by, bringing us closer together, eliminating destructive anger that had entered our lives and helping us make our sex life more fulfilling. Who says one person cannot make a difference? Ida
With all of this said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank TWC and all of you who provided comments to my original posting. You have changed mine and my husbands life by, bringing us closer together, eliminating destructive anger that had entered our lives and helping us make our sex life more fulfilling. Who says one person cannot make a difference? Ida
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday SexChat at TWC Dec 15th edition
One of the holy grail of sex questions:
"So what is the secret to giving a good blow job? "
and
"What do you advise for somebody (male or female) whose partner will not perform oral even if requested."
"So what is the secret to giving a good blow job? "
and
"What do you advise for somebody (male or female) whose partner will not perform oral even if requested."
Monday, December 10, 2007
True Wife Confessions 224 happy holiday memories
Confession #2231
I want to ask you to have an open marriage, but I don't know how. I think it would hurt your feelings too much and I don't want to hurt you or leave you.
Confession #2232
So, let me start off by saying that I am not proud of my behavior, nor am happy with myself about what I have done. But in my defense, it’s not like I’m cheating or stealing or secretly a hooker or anything. With that said, when he left for work the other day. I found myself enjoying the quietness of our place and how I had all day to plan what I wanted to do that day. When it quickly hit me that he wasn’t home and maybe I could snoop for a bit.
You see, folks, he and I have been talking about marriage and all the pretty things that go along with it. I will admit that most of those conversations were brought up by myself, but the point is that I find myself thinking of the wedding, my dress, our honeymoon, kids, our future house, us growing old together, holidays together happy with both families – and it’s all I can think about. I am also #2188 (annoyed with people asking when we’re getting married), so even when I try not to obsess about it – walking into our grocery store and having the cashier ask me when we’re getting hitched sends me into a tailspin of wedding colors, house hunting, money managing and so on. None of this is an excuse for my behavior, just some understanding for my craziness.
I found a receipt for a ring. Yep, he bought it. He did it. So, there’s a ring and it’s here somewhere and he doesn’t know that I know and I can’t tell him I know because I found it by snooping, and even though he knows I’m a snoop I still won’t confess to him because I don’t want to ruin anything about that moment.
So, I confess that I am a little crazy and couldn’t stop the snooping and really wish that I would have stopped for one second and asked myself what exactly I was snooping for. I confess that all those thoughts of “Maybe he’s just not ready?” “Maybe he’s seeing how long he can take this?” “Maybe it’ll be another few years?” have gone away, but they are replaced with new thoughts of, “What does it look like!!!”. So, I’m sorry to my honey. I’m sorry that I snooped and found out something that deep down I would have loved to have been totally shocked and surprised about.
Been since I fucked that up for me – now I can just concentrate on out future together knowing that you are entirely on the same page as I am and with no doubts at all. Unless, the ring was bought for your secret girlfriend……….
Confession #2233
We almost never sleep in the same bed anymore and I miss you. It seems like a small thing, but it is really not helping our marriage - I forget what it feels like to have you next to me and when you do come to bed, I can't get comfortable.
Confession #2234
What on gods green earth do you have against Fresh fruits and vegetables? Every time I ask you to pick up anything, you come back with canned, processed or frozen food. I mean Honestly. Real apples do not cost more than applesauce
Confession #2235
Dear Husband,
I see the magazines are back. I'm so disappointed in you. When I was pregnant with the baby this summer, and I told you I was leaving you, you finally realized how much you were hurting me with them, and you lit a huge bonfire and thew them in. I really thought we would be ok then. You've recently told me not to go snooping through your stuff because you had my x-mas gift hidden away. I'm smarter then that, I know you better then that. Now I know the magazines are back, And I found them. I left a note telling you how disappointed I was in you on them. We shall see if you are man enough to admit it to me. I'm betting you aren't. And for the record, I rarely say no to sex, you usually do. So I made up my mind yesterday, if you want sex, go and have it with your hand and those paper girls. It gave me unending pleasure to say no to you last night and this morning. I'm still smiling about it now.
Your wife,
Confession #2236
You make me laugh in bed like no one I have ever known. Who knew that sex could be so intimate?
Confession #2237
When I didn't buy you a birthday present you confronted me about taking you for granted and I cried. It's true. I do take you for granted often and I am sorry. I told you then that I would try harder and I think I have been - but when I ask you what kind of gifts you want - stop saying "nothing". I don't want to get you something that you hate or will return. Give me a hint, point out something that you like - Anything.
Confession #2238
I like porn. When you aren't home, I watch some - especially gay male porn, which I could never watch around you without you calling me disgusting or a pervert.
Confession #2239
The fact that I can tell you to trim you nose hair and eyebrows and you don't get mad at me makes me love you all the more.
Confession #2240
I am so glad that I divorced you. You are a psychotic monster. And that's not just sour grapes on my part. That's a diagnosis given by two separate mental health professionals, both of whom treated you, and both of whom you ended treatment with, accusing me of "poisoning their minds." Whatever.
My life is so much better without you. I am laughing for the first time in years. I've made new friends and spent a blissful seven days over theThanksgiving holiday in Jamaica with my son...something I could never have done when we were together, because you were actually jealous of the time I spent with my own son. And if you and I had ever gone to Jamaica together, I would have had to pay for the entire trip and then listen to you complain the entire time, and pick fights with me because of your psychotic delusions.
I love my job and have been promoted twice since I left you. I haven't had to spend my workdays worrying about the dreadful evening waiting for me at home, and I haven't had to stop working 3 or 4 times a day to call you, so that you wouldn't harrass me with your paranoid accusations.
My relationship with my son has not only healed, it's soared to new heights. After seven days in Jamaica, he didn't want to leave. How many 12 year old boys can spend a week alone on vacation with their mother and not want the week to end? Yesterday he came out of his room, walked over to me, gave me a hug, told me, "I love you, Mommy," and went back into his room.
After a particularly bad day at work a few days ago, 2 of my coworkers called me at home just to check on me and ask if I was OK.
And three men have told me that they love me since I left you. I'm not interested in another relationship right now, I've got too much going for me to mess it up by bringing the wrong man into my life again. As I told you some time ago, I never make the same mistake twice. But I have to admit, it's nice to know I can still turn someone's head once in awhile.
You'll never read this. I suspect you're too busy looking at online porn and of course I made sure when I left you that you could no longer hack into my computer.
I'm writing this for all the women who are going through so much pain in their relationships, as evidenced here. I'm writing to let you all know that you CAN get past the pain and live the life you've always wanted to, the life you yearn for now. I know it sounds like a cliche, and that words are meaningless and cannot give you what you need, but I promise....the pain of loss is only temporary. And the benefit is a reality that words cannot touch.
Being alone is the greatest gift I've ever given myself.
And being so extremely egomaniacal and abusive that I felt forced to leave, even when I didn't really want to, was the greatest gift my ex-husband ever gave me.
I want to ask you to have an open marriage, but I don't know how. I think it would hurt your feelings too much and I don't want to hurt you or leave you.
Confession #2232
So, let me start off by saying that I am not proud of my behavior, nor am happy with myself about what I have done. But in my defense, it’s not like I’m cheating or stealing or secretly a hooker or anything. With that said, when he left for work the other day. I found myself enjoying the quietness of our place and how I had all day to plan what I wanted to do that day. When it quickly hit me that he wasn’t home and maybe I could snoop for a bit.
You see, folks, he and I have been talking about marriage and all the pretty things that go along with it. I will admit that most of those conversations were brought up by myself, but the point is that I find myself thinking of the wedding, my dress, our honeymoon, kids, our future house, us growing old together, holidays together happy with both families – and it’s all I can think about. I am also #2188 (annoyed with people asking when we’re getting married), so even when I try not to obsess about it – walking into our grocery store and having the cashier ask me when we’re getting hitched sends me into a tailspin of wedding colors, house hunting, money managing and so on. None of this is an excuse for my behavior, just some understanding for my craziness.
I found a receipt for a ring. Yep, he bought it. He did it. So, there’s a ring and it’s here somewhere and he doesn’t know that I know and I can’t tell him I know because I found it by snooping, and even though he knows I’m a snoop I still won’t confess to him because I don’t want to ruin anything about that moment.
So, I confess that I am a little crazy and couldn’t stop the snooping and really wish that I would have stopped for one second and asked myself what exactly I was snooping for. I confess that all those thoughts of “Maybe he’s just not ready?” “Maybe he’s seeing how long he can take this?” “Maybe it’ll be another few years?” have gone away, but they are replaced with new thoughts of, “What does it look like!!!”. So, I’m sorry to my honey. I’m sorry that I snooped and found out something that deep down I would have loved to have been totally shocked and surprised about.
Been since I fucked that up for me – now I can just concentrate on out future together knowing that you are entirely on the same page as I am and with no doubts at all. Unless, the ring was bought for your secret girlfriend……….
Confession #2233
We almost never sleep in the same bed anymore and I miss you. It seems like a small thing, but it is really not helping our marriage - I forget what it feels like to have you next to me and when you do come to bed, I can't get comfortable.
Confession #2234
What on gods green earth do you have against Fresh fruits and vegetables? Every time I ask you to pick up anything, you come back with canned, processed or frozen food. I mean Honestly. Real apples do not cost more than applesauce
Confession #2235
Dear Husband,
I see the magazines are back. I'm so disappointed in you. When I was pregnant with the baby this summer, and I told you I was leaving you, you finally realized how much you were hurting me with them, and you lit a huge bonfire and thew them in. I really thought we would be ok then. You've recently told me not to go snooping through your stuff because you had my x-mas gift hidden away. I'm smarter then that, I know you better then that. Now I know the magazines are back, And I found them. I left a note telling you how disappointed I was in you on them. We shall see if you are man enough to admit it to me. I'm betting you aren't. And for the record, I rarely say no to sex, you usually do. So I made up my mind yesterday, if you want sex, go and have it with your hand and those paper girls. It gave me unending pleasure to say no to you last night and this morning. I'm still smiling about it now.
Your wife,
Confession #2236
You make me laugh in bed like no one I have ever known. Who knew that sex could be so intimate?
Confession #2237
When I didn't buy you a birthday present you confronted me about taking you for granted and I cried. It's true. I do take you for granted often and I am sorry. I told you then that I would try harder and I think I have been - but when I ask you what kind of gifts you want - stop saying "nothing". I don't want to get you something that you hate or will return. Give me a hint, point out something that you like - Anything.
Confession #2238
I like porn. When you aren't home, I watch some - especially gay male porn, which I could never watch around you without you calling me disgusting or a pervert.
Confession #2239
The fact that I can tell you to trim you nose hair and eyebrows and you don't get mad at me makes me love you all the more.
Confession #2240
I am so glad that I divorced you. You are a psychotic monster. And that's not just sour grapes on my part. That's a diagnosis given by two separate mental health professionals, both of whom treated you, and both of whom you ended treatment with, accusing me of "poisoning their minds." Whatever.
My life is so much better without you. I am laughing for the first time in years. I've made new friends and spent a blissful seven days over theThanksgiving holiday in Jamaica with my son...something I could never have done when we were together, because you were actually jealous of the time I spent with my own son. And if you and I had ever gone to Jamaica together, I would have had to pay for the entire trip and then listen to you complain the entire time, and pick fights with me because of your psychotic delusions.
I love my job and have been promoted twice since I left you. I haven't had to spend my workdays worrying about the dreadful evening waiting for me at home, and I haven't had to stop working 3 or 4 times a day to call you, so that you wouldn't harrass me with your paranoid accusations.
My relationship with my son has not only healed, it's soared to new heights. After seven days in Jamaica, he didn't want to leave. How many 12 year old boys can spend a week alone on vacation with their mother and not want the week to end? Yesterday he came out of his room, walked over to me, gave me a hug, told me, "I love you, Mommy," and went back into his room.
After a particularly bad day at work a few days ago, 2 of my coworkers called me at home just to check on me and ask if I was OK.
And three men have told me that they love me since I left you. I'm not interested in another relationship right now, I've got too much going for me to mess it up by bringing the wrong man into my life again. As I told you some time ago, I never make the same mistake twice. But I have to admit, it's nice to know I can still turn someone's head once in awhile.
You'll never read this. I suspect you're too busy looking at online porn and of course I made sure when I left you that you could no longer hack into my computer.
I'm writing this for all the women who are going through so much pain in their relationships, as evidenced here. I'm writing to let you all know that you CAN get past the pain and live the life you've always wanted to, the life you yearn for now. I know it sounds like a cliche, and that words are meaningless and cannot give you what you need, but I promise....the pain of loss is only temporary. And the benefit is a reality that words cannot touch.
Being alone is the greatest gift I've ever given myself.
And being so extremely egomaniacal and abusive that I felt forced to leave, even when I didn't really want to, was the greatest gift my ex-husband ever gave me.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Saturday SexChat TWC Dec 8th Edition
Another excellent Question:
"How do you know if you would be able to handle a threesome? We've talked about it several times and thinking of it certainly turns me on. I wonder if, come show time, i would be able to watch my husband (of five years) be sexually intimate with another woman. I wouldn't want to go through all the trouble of planning it and inviting someone to join us only to freak out."
And in other news, I suspect that Google/Blogger has deleted Desperately for being "too racy", although I have not gotten any official notification.
Sorry for my "lag" last week - papers to read, child out of school for all but two days - You know. Same old, Same old.
Keep sending in those confessions!
"How do you know if you would be able to handle a threesome? We've talked about it several times and thinking of it certainly turns me on. I wonder if, come show time, i would be able to watch my husband (of five years) be sexually intimate with another woman. I wouldn't want to go through all the trouble of planning it and inviting someone to join us only to freak out."
And in other news, I suspect that Google/Blogger has deleted Desperately for being "too racy", although I have not gotten any official notification.
Sorry for my "lag" last week - papers to read, child out of school for all but two days - You know. Same old, Same old.
Keep sending in those confessions!
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Saturday SexChat at TWC Dec 1st edition
Our first question is from a husband:
"I am not a wife but a husband who enjoys TWC which has helped me
recently evaluate my own marriage and relationship with my wife. We
have been married for 25 years with no prior marriages which seems at
time like an oddity in todays world. We are DINKs are marriage has
been good with many of the ups and downs I'm sure many couples face
(and observed by TWC posts). The problem is our sex life is almost
non-existent, not because we do not enjoy sex, but because our
schedules are so different, it is difficult to find a time when we're
in the mood. I work two jobs, get up at 4AM and her job works her
into the early evening (7:30 - 8PM). We share tasks so since I arrive
home before her, I walk and feed the dog, work my 2nd job (business
startup) so I can work from home fortunately. This schedule normally
has us eating dinner around 8:30 PM and frankly once we're done with
the meal and cleanup, I'm exhausted and am lucky to make it to 10PM
before heading off to bed. At that point I not physically or
emotionally prepared for sex. Our weekends are normally as hectic and
sex always seems to not on either of our minds but we both desire to
have a physical relation with one another. I am open to any and all
recommendations on how to get out of this rut and still be capable of
juggling all of the other balls in our life."
"I am not a wife but a husband who enjoys TWC which has helped me
recently evaluate my own marriage and relationship with my wife. We
have been married for 25 years with no prior marriages which seems at
time like an oddity in todays world. We are DINKs are marriage has
been good with many of the ups and downs I'm sure many couples face
(and observed by TWC posts). The problem is our sex life is almost
non-existent, not because we do not enjoy sex, but because our
schedules are so different, it is difficult to find a time when we're
in the mood. I work two jobs, get up at 4AM and her job works her
into the early evening (7:30 - 8PM). We share tasks so since I arrive
home before her, I walk and feed the dog, work my 2nd job (business
startup) so I can work from home fortunately. This schedule normally
has us eating dinner around 8:30 PM and frankly once we're done with
the meal and cleanup, I'm exhausted and am lucky to make it to 10PM
before heading off to bed. At that point I not physically or
emotionally prepared for sex. Our weekends are normally as hectic and
sex always seems to not on either of our minds but we both desire to
have a physical relation with one another. I am open to any and all
recommendations on how to get out of this rut and still be capable of
juggling all of the other balls in our life."
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