Sunday, January 13, 2008

True Wife Confessions 230 Rat Expression Set

Confession #2291

You hate your job, I get it. We both know you "can" do so much better, but you don't. You keep telling me how happy you'd be if you could start your own business. What have you done towards that goal? Saved some money for living expenses while you get started? Looked into bookkeeping and tax laws for small business owners? Maybe looked into small business loans? Done some market research and scoped out good locations? Started a business plan? Picked a name for the business so we could get some cards printed and a website up and running?

Or were you waiting for ME to do it for you?

This is your dream. If you can't be bothered why should I? If I wanted to blow a ton of money on a pipe dream I'd buy lottery tickets.


Confession #2292

I just wanted to confess that I have nothing to confess at this moment.



You have completely shown me that no matter how upset or angry or excited or scared I am about anything – you will always be there to listen, not judge, and accept me.



I’m so happy that you are the one, and I’m so honored that you allow me to be the one for you.



Thank you.


Confession #2293

So I talked, cried, and bared my soul to you about your online porn habit. You apologized and hugged me...blah blah blah.
But either you don’t get it or just don’t effing care. You still do it. You know it bothers me and you know how much it bothers me and you still do it as if what I said to you didn't mean a damn thing at all. THAT is what hurts the most. I feel like my feelings don't mean a damn thing to you. It feels like you made your choice to continue looking at other women online rather than to honor my wishes and have any kind of concern for my feelings. This is something that bothers me so much...and I feel like you don’t even care. I can't understand why you seem to NEED to look at other women online...and I can't understand why you would choose that over me and my feelings. Feeling like you have such disregard for my feelings makes me feel differently about you and makes me feel like I can't trust you. And it affects our sexuality as a couple. The more you look at porn, the less I want to sleep with you. You never seem to want to have sex with me anyway…at least you never initiate. I guess looking at other woman online is good enough for you. I am left unsatisfied. Your habits are damaging our relationship and I don't know if you even care. It's also damaging my health, because I can tell you right now that my blood pressure at the moment is through the effing roof!

If I were doing something that bothered you, I would certainly stop doing it...because I care about your feelings. I feel like I have made a huge mistake in marrying you because I cannot feel happy as long as you continue doing this. I can't have a relationship with someone who makes me feel this way...I wasted 7 years of my life feeling this way with my ex and I don’t want to waste any more of my life feeling this way.

And I don’t care how much you say that looking at online pictures has nothing to do with me because it has EVERYTHING to do with me. It has everything to do with making me feel like crap. It says to me that what I am is not what you want and that you don’t think I am good enough...you need something else, and you seek it out online daily. I would’ve hoped that my feelings would mean more to you than this obsession you have with these teen-looking skinny bitches that you look at online. Your online obsessive habit and your lack of concern for my feelings is making whatever self esteem that I have left in me totally melt away.

Confession #2294

I wish I could give you my heart. I wish I could love you with all my soul. Hell, I wish I could muster up an ounce of love for you. But I can't. I've told you my deepest secrets over the years. You've used them against me. I've shared with you my fears and vulnerablilities. You've thrown them in my face during arguments. When I've shared my dreams with you, you've told me all of the reasons why those dreams would never work out.

You complained a few weeks ago that you don't feel I'm your friend.

You aren't my friend. In fact, I wonder if you ever were. I no longer think you even know HOW to be a friend. The biggest thing you seem to care about is winning the argument. And honestly? We've been together more than 11 years now. Do you seriously think that in all of these years, ALL of our problems were because of ME? Do you seriously think that you have NEVER been at fault?

That's what I'm dealing with. I tried to get you to see my point of view for years -- why I felt hurt or why I might need some emotional support. But what you throw in my face is "You know what YOUR problem is? You're too sensitive. Do you know what YOUR problem is? You're too needy."

I try to explain to you that a simple hug would do wonders in making me feel supported. But then you counter with, "Oh yeah? Where's MY support?"

At least I TRY to make you feel supported and loved. At least I ask what I can do to make you feel supported and love. At least I listen to those suggestions, no matter how offensive they are (You say things like, "Stop bitching about how I didn't do what I promised. Get over it.".)

I don't know what to do anymore. I no longer talk to you. We've stopped taking vacations sans child because you like to drink until you throw up and make a mess of the hotel room. (And then when I get mad, you tell me how I'm a horrible controlling nag.) Its gotten to the point where, when you are home, I stay away from you. I remain polite because if I'm pretty sure that if I told you my real feelings -- about how I no longer like you and what you've become, you'd say "Well. There's the door." And that would crush me.

I'm scared out of my wits to leave. I have chronic health problems and don't think I'd be able to hold down a job. And I'm scared of the trash you'd expose our child to. So I stay. I do everything in my power so that our interactions are polite -- especially around our son.

I never thought it was possible to be this lonely and empty when there's someone you used to love -- someone you used to think walked on water -- standing a few feet from you. But I know I can't tell you. I'm pretty sure you don't care enough about our relationship to really listen and work things through.

Confession #2295

You're awesome. You agreed to let me keep the cat even though he has severe anxiety issues . . . and severe issues with where he's supposed to piss. He's been on the kitty prozac for three weeks now, and I THOUGHT he had been accident-free. I found a stinky spot on the couch. I waited until you were asleep to put the throw pillows in the washer, and I hope you don't notice the smell of the cleaning solution on the couch. I'm sorry to be sneaky. I love you way more, of course, but I do love the kitty.

Confession #2296

I told you 2 months ago that a client was GIVING me tickets to the
Kennedy Center for tonight. You simply said, "you know I hate those
things, I'm not going"

I was alone for 15 years - I got sick and tired and embarrassed going to
all these work functions by myself. One reason I started dating again
was because I wanted someone to go WITH ME to these events. I have put
up with all of your crap, your parents' crap, your brother's crap, your
kids' crap because I thought this was a partnership. I go places and do
things that I hate, but I do it to support you - you needed me to be
there.

You do things you like to do, WE do things you like to do....things I
like to do, I either don't do them or I go alone. There is something
SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. Especially since we have only been
together for 2 years....what happens in 30 years....will I just be doing
everything alone?

For the millionth time, I look at our marriage and wonder if I should
just get out now and save myself years of disappointment and pain.
Lately, there has been very little in this relationship that is for me
or about me.


Confession #2297

We're So Tired of you telling us to be quiet so you can watch the friggin' news while we eat dinner.

Why is it so hard to grasp the concept that WE LOVE YOU and want to interact with you after you've been at work all day?

Last night when you said to me, "I really wish you would just SHUT UP," I didn't know what to say. I just felt a little bit of my love and respect for you slip away.

When our teenage son is in the middle of a story about himself, his day at school or his friends and you unmute the TV and drown him out, I just want to cry when I see that crushed look on his face. Then I want to punch you in the face.

And when you tell our preschool age daughter that she 'talks too much' ... how do I respond to that? Kicking you in the balls would be an appropriate response, I think.

You bring out the mean in me and I hate it.

WHY WHY WHY do you do this? The news isn't that fucking important, I promise.

Confession #2298

I love you but I'm not ever going to change how I feel about this problem we have, so I think we shouldn't be so serious anymore. We really don't have a future anymore. I am at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do. I don't want you to look at Porn anymore.
I know I can never marry you if you don't stop. I love you and I am afraid that this is something that is going to go on for a long time I'm never going to be ok with it and you are never going to stop. I wish you'd take me seriously. I feel weird and you lie about it, like you tell me you look because you are bored like once a while but that's a lie. We have been together a long time, and there was a point where I knew I wanted to spend my life with you, you were the one for me, my half, but you had all the doubts and now I am thinking you cant be the one because I cant spend my life with you because when we are married or even living together I am not turning on the computer and having a porno pop up on me like the other night.
Tell me you will stop for me, tell me something

Confession #2299

You are everything I could ask for in a partner. You have been so thoughtful and caring, taking care of me while I recovered. I just wanted to say thanks for being so great. I wish I was more grateful to you all of the time. I am an ass sometimes, I know. I’m going to try better ok? I’m going to make this work.

Confession #2300

Last night while out with some friends, I found out one friend is pregnant. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. And then I started to really hate you. Do you know why?

Well for starters... People don't seem to know WHY we've had problems getting pregnant. It would be because of your very, very heavy tobacco use and horrid coffee/soda consumption. You also refuse to eat any sort of remotely healthy foods to help your body produce healthy sperm. You KNOW that if you'd just give up the tobacco and eat right, we could have a decent shot.

Oh wait, we STILL wouldn't have a decent shot. That would be because you prefer to jack off. ASSHOLE!

Oh and now I've told everyone we're done trying. That would be because you're a shitty father and an emotionally stingy man. You're incredibly selfish too. You are the biggest disappointment not only as a husband but as a father. You made so many promises when I was pregnant about how you'd spend time with our child and you talked about all of the things we'd do as a family. But you hardly ever spend time with us. We only seem to exist when it is convenient for you.

So while I would LOVE to have more children, I just don't want them with YOU! I can't put myself in that vulnerable place with you again.I can't let myself be that disappointed yet again.

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sad reading these latest postings. i really truly wish that the people who wrote them could be happy somehow.

Anonymous said...

I must be an exception, but I really don't get why people get so upset over porn. Every guy I have ever been with looks at porn, heck I look at porn with them, it makes for a more open and wild relationship. I'm overweight and spotty but I've never felt threateded by porn. But then maybe it's because the guys I've had in my life get that porn is fake and is just something for a fun time and real women aren't like that. If porn is the worst thing you have to worry about, you're lucky. I had a pot/x/acid Tart on my hands who wouldn't give it up for his daughter.

Anonymous said...

#2298: I'd tell him. In fact, I did. I told the man I was dating, when I discovered his porn habit, that it was the porn or me and he had one week to decide. I made it perfectly clear to him WHY it bothered me, and told him that if he chose me, and I ever found it again, I would leave regardless of how long we'd been together or whether or not we had children, anything, because there was no way I would allow porn in my home. He chose me and 9 years later I've never seen even the suggestion of that crap in my home. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your stance on this (even with all the "you're too uptight" postings that will surely follow) - whether or not someone else is okay with porn is irrelevant. You're not, and you don't have to be. Hang in there and stand up for yourself.

Anonymous said...

12:21 - I know how you feel. I'm the one who confessed about the cat. Now I feel sort of guilty about my trivial confession, in the midst of all these weighty ones. I guess I'm fortunate that that's all I had to confess.

MP said...

2293 & 2298 - I agree with anonymous 12:58. It does not matter how many people try to say "porn is no big deal, every guy does it" if it bothers you and your spouse or boyfriend knows but continues to do it anyway he is being disrepectful of you. If it is truly no big deal for him then he would stop because your feelings should be more important to him than online nudie pictures. Don't lower your standards to accept something that makes you feel uncomfortable or unloved.
My personal experience is that it is an addiction but unless he realizes that it is he won't be able to stop. He may not even want to stop.

Anonymous said...

whine whine whine about porn, jesus h christ people. You DO realize how needy and fucked up that makes YOU don't you?

Anonymous said...

10:33 - I'm glad you're so secure in your own skin. Some of us aren't. Some of us have issues that go beyond the scope of just not liking one's significant other looking at other women. I know I have some serious self-image and confidence issues. I'm working on it and my spouse looking at porn - looking at women who are thinner, younger, prettier then me - isn't helping. For me, it has less to do with the porn itself then it does the absolute, utter lack of respect that is showed after we've talked about WHY it bothered me in the first place. Whether or not someone else might be ok with it is mute. I am not ok with it and he should love me and respect me enough to stop looking at it. It's that simple.

#2293 - I could be you. We're working through it now and he swears he's done - but I don't believe him. Not really.

Anonymous said...

I think the bottom line is that Porn - like any other thing which starts to take over a position of privledge in a relationship is something to be discussed and negotiated.

Some people have no issue with it, for others it is a Major trust issue. Replace Porn with Golf, or having drinks with the boys - and the issue is fundamentally the same.

Something else is taking dominance over BEING with your partner.

Furthermore - If I tell you I don't like Mushrooms in my pasta sauce and you then proceed to put mushrooms in my sauce for the next year, I can only assume that you don't respect me enough to listen to my opinions or desires. Why else would you willingly engage in something your partner has requested that you abstain from?

Finally, I can empathize with the idea that I want to be the person you are fucking/making love to when I am in bed with my partner - Not some airbrushed image of some unknown woman. ME. With all my flaws and humanity.

Do I think ALL guys look at porn? I have no idea. But it is clearly a big issue in lots of peoples relationships - so we should continue to talk about it.

Anonymous said...

2298 and 2293: Thank you! It's a problem for me for exactly the reasons 2293 put it... I must not be what he wants if he has to look at skinny teenage sluts to get ready to have sex with me. This hurts. I'm sorry, but my definition of "emotional cheating" includes developing relationships with collections of naked girls... he keeps them in folders sorted by their names... and leaves me alone in bed while he stays up all night searching for more. It's not porn I have a problem with. My problem is that the way he treats porn makes it more important to him than I am or than my feelings are, and I'm not being an uptight prude to feel rejected when he's very clearly rejecting me.

Anonymous said...

I think it's important to ask why exactly it upsets you why he looks at porn.

I was upset because we were having a dry spell and after a while my insecurities started to rise up and every day that passed where we didn't have sex, I started to get more resentful of the fact that I knew he was jacking off to porn before I got home from work.

I finally talked to him about it, told him that I can't tell him not to look at it or do it at all because I have never thought that it was something to be ashamed about. I help myself out when I need to and he's not around, and he's essentially doing the same.

I only asked two things of him and that was that I never wanted to go on the computer and see that he had been there when I'm trying to check my email or some other innocent internet search, and that I wanted him to try to wait until I got home from work before he took matters into his own hands.

Opening that type of communication, without crying (it was hard) or yelling or trying to make him feel dirty about it, really helped the both of us.

Him looking at porn had more to do with how I felt about myself and how our sex life was going at the time then anything else.

Do I think people can be addicted to it? Of course. Do I think every person that looks at porn online is addicted? Of course not.

LIZZIE said...

2298 right here, i am so glad to read so many women having the same issues and feelings as me. especially 2293.
and I dont feel like disliking porn and him looking at it makes me needy or fucked up

Anonymous said...

As a girl who is bordering on a porn addiction myself, I just want to say that it is in no way replacing my honey. I enjoy watching certain things done to other people that I don't want done to myself. It is just very erotic to me to see it. I would even venture to say it is a bit of self medication, after I get off, I am in a much better mood. My honey is wonderful and perfect, it is just that I sometimes need a little self love as well. I guess what I am trying to say is, please try to understand that you partner looking at porn isn't anything to hurt you deliberatley. It is sometimes a really basic need to give yourself a little pleasure. Perhaps you could try setting limits or ground rules instead of banning it completely.

Anonymous said...

I am a man who really enjoys this site. So I thought I would offer my perspective.

I started to look at online porn about a year ago while we were pregnant with our son & my wife didn't want to have sex. After he was born, I kept up my habit. My wife does not like it *at all*.

Our deal is I have to acknowledge when I am surfin it. She is allowed to give me a hard time if the time spent in front of my laptop cuts into other family time or ANY other responsibility or ANY time she feels could be better spent.

I am okay with all of that b/c she is right. Plus, in my mind, it keeps me from begging for sex all of the time & it prevents me from ever looking for outside 'entertainment'. All of my needs are met.

Anonymous said...

I don't like alot of women LIKE their man looking at porn, but many of us understand the need for it.

Men are visual creatures. While we can close our eyes and get off by ourselves, men usually need a little something get those images flowing and when it's a quick tug - looking at your wedding photo usually isn't going to do it for him.

I think the point is, if one person has a problem with something in the relationship then it's a problem in the relationship as a whole and all sides of the problems need to be addressed. If it's something that he CAN'T give up, then maybe there is a problem, or maybe forcing him to choose just made it that much more irresistable.

D said...

man...it is so great to see women with sense commenting today. giving a man instructions on how he can masturbate and what he can think about or look at while doing it is control freak wacko nonsense. "honey please don't enjoy looking at young, hot, naked women taking pictures and having uninhibited sex. stop liking it, pretty please."

if it's an addiction, of course it's a problem and he should stop and get help. but whatever self-esteem problems or image issues you have don't automatically trump HIS feelings.

in other words, you might be more emotional, but YOUR FEELINGS ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS.

try to remember that.

Anonymous said...

2297, sorry your guy's such a self-absorbed jerk. Here's hoping the TV doesn't "accidentally" fall out the window into the path of an oncoming truck.

Anonymous said...

I am a long time reader, confessor, and hater of D and I completely agree with what he just wrote.

While I don't think every women who has a problem with porn is a bumbling, insecure, mouse - I find it hard to believe that the hate for the porn comes from no where.

If everything else is fine and dandy and you are in a loving relationship and the one thing wrong is the porn, then how could that be the end all by all of your entire relationship?

I definetely think that your man looking at porn and also being a butthole, negectful partner, lazy-ass, and/or uncaring person can easily turn it into THE problem for which you base everything else on because it's easier to pin point something like that then realizing that maybe there's work on both sides to be done in a relationship.

Lizzie said...

TO the WOMEN READING D's comments

NO WOMAN should ever feel that they are idiotic or stupid for their feelings on PORN or any other topic that bothers them in the relationship.
You feelings are not senseless or selfish or without reason. Do not feel that you are wrong for asking your husband or partner to give up something that makes you feel bad/uncomfortable/wrong/ugly, but only ask if you would do the same for him if he asked you in the same situation.
I am hurt by my boyfriends internet sites, I hurt for many reasons AND because it makes me feel ugly and bad about my body but that is not the only reason. I would stop doing something that hurts him but he will not do the same.

Anonymous said...

To lizzie, et. al.,

I'm all about the kink. I love it. LOVE it.

My husband does not. So we do not do it.

Do I miss it? Yes. Do I wish he got off on it? Hell yes. Do I bug him about it, pester him, hassle him, or go behind his back to get it? I do not. Because sex is no good if both people aren't happy, and a household is no good if both people aren't happy.

This isn't about one person's feelings being more important than the other's. This is about both of you sharing a place where you can be okay.

I see sex and household issues as a Venn diagram -- if you're going to be open and honest, you have to live in the middle where the circles overlap. If you're not going to be open and honest, then go for whatever you like, but realize that your world will come apart at the seams if your partner finds out.

So, yeah. Porn's gotta be in the part of the Venn diagram where both circles overlap. If there's no way you can move porn into the overlap between you two, and he can't move it out of his circle, then that's a dealbreaker, same as any other habit or characteristic one of you can't tolerate about the other.

Anonymous said...

Porn can grow into a huge problem. My husband stopped going to work because he spent hours and hours looking at porn. He ran his own contracting business. He'd go in at 11 pm. stop for lunch and then come home early to look at more porn. This meant his jobs took longer than they should. He STILL does not think his porn addiction caused problems but hmmm.. why wasn't anyone coming to him for business. Well, because who wants to hire a contractor that doesn't show up to work and takes twice as long to complete a project??!!!!

Porn can also grow into an abusive issue.

Some men even spend all their money on it.

My husband couldn't get work and consquently could not provide for our family. It is a heavy price to pay!

Dana - W for Whatever said...

Is no one else flabbergasted that cats have Prozac...

I had no idea that was even a possibility.

Ah well!!!! You learn something new every day

omnia_vincit_amor said...

The pr0n drama has been done to death. I personally have no problem with it. If I was in a relationship where there was another problem (not pr0n) that was causing as much stress for me as pr0n seems to be causing the original posters, I WOULD STRONGLY CONSIDER LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP. You CANNOT change a person. If they aren't giving you what you need, and you can't deal with what they're doing and they are unable to change, then find someone who you're more compatible with. It's not going to go away, and you don't need that kind of stress in your life.

***
On to what I really wanted to say:

To 2291:
Part of being in a relationship means supporting your partner in his/her ventures and dreams. Have you ever asked your SO about these things you list here? Have you drawn up a list and asked him what he wants to tackle first?

Sure, people's dreams are ultimately their own responsibilities. But when you attach your long-term goals to someone else, there's this "partnership" thing that comes into play. If you want both of you to succeed, you'll do whatever you can to help your partner succeed.

If that means nudging them in the right direction, drawing up an action plan and working together to make the dream come true, then so be it.

It would be another story entirely if he shot down your ideas. But it seems like you're mad at him for not knowing how to get started, which is pretty unfair. It seems like you have a good vision for how he can get started... why not pass those ideas along to him? Write them down so he won't forget.

Marriage/relationships aren't a competition, they're a partnership. Work together if you want to see something get done. Your resentment seems unwarranted.

Jes said...

Dana--two of my cats are on Prozac too (technically, it's no different than regular Prozac, just is a very small dose). It works, but some cats' doses need to be adjusted if they don't quit the behavior. Prozac keeps my two formerly badly abused cats from peeing on my couch. Yippee!

Anonymous said...

What kind of cat needs prozac? Hehehe. This is FASCINATING to me.

Is it just to keep them from ripping, shredding, peeing or is it more complicated like....it helps them balance their sense of depression? Hehe. I'm DYING to know more about this.

Anonymous said...

@ omnia_vincit_amor re: #2291.

That was really well said. Great constructive advice about looking at the situation objectively and not discounting their feelings, but also not just offering a blanket acceptace of what someone is confessing. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

@ omnia_vincit_amor re: #2291.

That was really well said. Great constructive advice about looking at the situation objectively and not discounting their feelings, but also not just offering a blanket acceptace of what someone is confessing. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Crazy cat lady confessor here - I always thought people who put their pets on meds were a little nutty - then I got the kitten and totally understood. I don't know what happened to him before I adopted him, but he was terrified of everyone but me (even my husband) and he peed all over our furniture and laundry . . . I was at my wits' end. Several people recommended meds to me, so I took him to the vet, where they ruled out a physical problem and prescribed Elavil (not actually prozac, but it's an anti-anxiety medicine). He's really made good progress. He has been letting my husband pet him, which is huge, and he (husband) told me yesterday, in a tone of pure wonder, "I walked by him on the steps . . . and he didn't even run away!"

LOL

As for the porn issue. . . . didn't I leave my 10-foot pole around here somewhere?

D said...

yes omnia.....great advice. it's good to see a solution that doesn't involve supporting women who browbeat men into feeling like perverts for enjoying porn.

and so many posters are quick to discount the husband's or boyfriends feelings in favor of the women's feelings. it's good to see you not doing that.

Anonymous said...

FUCK THE HUSBAND'S OR BOYFRIEND'S FEELINGS. FUCK THEM, FUCK THEM, FUCK THEM!!! This is a confession site for WOMEN. This is a place for WOMEN to say the so-called unsayable and unthinkable. To vent. To get it off their minds. For most of us, 24/7, it's always about worrying about the man's precious ego and feelings and all that shit, lest we emasculate them. About "submitting" to his so-called superior self. Well, fuck that. Your XY chromosome already gives you first pick in this misogynistic society, where women are treated like second rate, second class, Adam's rib. I'm not your fucking rib, asshole, and if I'm angry because my husband acts like an entitled jerk, and it makes me feel better to verbalize it here so I don't then go and smash him with a frying pan, why the hell do you care?
Fuck off.

Anonymous said...

Re omnia: why the hell does she call it "pr0n"?
All and all I guess I agree; leave the man if he's got a problem, sounds very neat and simple. But what if you're married and have kids? Does the advice still apply?
And why is it okay, in a marriage, to do something over and over again, something that has been discussed and the behaviour is clearly hurting the other partner, why is it okay to let her suffer and let him continue hurting her? And what do feelings have to do with him watching porn? Her feelings are hurt, lonely, embarrassed, self conscienceness, worthlessness, inadiquiecy and I'm sure many more.And his feelings are horniness. WTF? What if he were an addict of a different color? What if he loves heroin? It has nothing to do with her, and it makes him feel good, right?

To me, pr0n, I guess we're calling it, is the same thing. If it's upsetting the other person and hurting the relationship, then it's gotta go.
What I don't understand is why it's so important to some men? How come getting off while looking at other women is more important than their wives feelings? Everyone masterbates but it doesn't have to be a smack in the other persons face? I can't imagine doing that to my SO. I really cannot imagine my SO knowing I'm getting off by looking at someone else that clearly out-does them physically and doing it over and over and over again while hearing them tell me it hurts them. This is a problem, and I feel for the women who are dealing with it. I hope they can leave. If they can they should, because it's not normal if it's destroying the balance of the harmony in their family. Believe me I'm not a prude. But there is a clear problem when viewing porn becomes a topic of conversation, feelings about it are stated, and the viewer knows it and still continues.

Anonymous said...

7:50!!!!!!!! A freakin men. That's exactly how I feel. Who the fuck cares about anything but OUR opinion here! Good on you!!!!

D said...

ya'll are funny.

Anonymous said...

8:06 - exactly! It's not about the porn, substitute any other addiction/habit in the world and the issue is the same. It's about one partner NOT being okay with it, and the other partner NOT caring enough to fix it. I wouldn't be with someone who had so little respect for me that they'd just brush off my strong feelings on any given topic as "lack of self confidence" or "being uptight". WHY I feel the way I do doesn't matter. How he reacts when I ask him to stop doing something that hurts me, does.

Anonymous said...

Yah, see, d just doesn't get it. All we hear d is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and fucking blah! You really are missing some brain cells aren't you? MORON!

sarah said...

10:17

for gods sake, do YOU not have anything worthwhile to contribute about the confessions? Your crap is just as annoying to wade through as D's is. You are the only one who is refusing to ignore him.

If you have nothing relevant in response to either the confessions or the comments that have something to do with the confessions will you please shut it?

Anonymous said...

10:17 - D gets on my nerves too but I would rather read one of his misogynistic diatribes than your idiotic blah blah bullshit. If you don't have something intelligent to say to him then shut the fuck up!!!!

Anonymous said...

Well gee Sarah, I think 10:17 mimicks d perfectly. And aren't you the pot calling the kettle black? I think, blah, blah, blah, sums up d quite nicely. And I don't understand how blah, blah can be as much to wade thru as d's heaping piles of shit. Why don't YOU shut YOUR trap. Where is your relevant comment to confessions? Hypocrit! You go, blah, blah lady! Because that is what I hear when d talks too.

Anonymous said...

Then don't read the blah, blah lady. You idiots are as bad as d!

Anonymous said...

So angry 10:55, take a pill. You are very rude, and that is kinda what makes you like d. Like everybody says, "don't like it, don't read it." But maybe you should take your own advice and "Shut the fuck up."

Juliegrrl20 said...

Really do you all have to be mean to one another? If you don't like something, skip it. That goes for D's posts, the blah posts, or any other comment that doesn't peak your interest. It is a site for people to vent, yes I agree with that, but do you have to be so hateful to one another?

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with D's stance on anything really, except some of you ladies on here. You are really ruining TWC for the people who want to confess and want to comment. I am not sure how many times we have been asked to ignore him in order to keep the community feel of this site, each and every one of us who ignores that request is basically slapping Dawn in the face, including me when I make comments such as this, or the one before. The only difference is that I take responsibility for it. I hate D as much as the next person, but it really isn't that hard to ignore him, and everyone who does would only be contributing to getting this site back to what it was meant to be. Do you really not realize that the reason he keeps coming back is because people like 10:17 continue to throw gas on his dwindling fire? That is the kind of person he is, Dawn realizes that and has asked us to act accordingly, why don't we? Why do so many of us choose to continue egging him on, it does nothing for anyone. This place really is as bad as a high school cafeteria. Idiots.

Anonymous said...

When it comes to porn, I tried to be understanding. I tried to accept that men sometimes just need a visual. I get it.

The problem arose when sometimes became often. And often became always.

Nightly internet porn surfing was taking over and everything suffered. Time spent with me, our sex life (which prior to this event was FABULOUS), and time spent with his kids. He slept all day because he was busy surfing for porn all night. It was starting to become an ugly routine. It had to stop. I gave him an inch, he took a mile.

Basically, I think OCCASIONAL porn use is completely acceptable, but once it becomes a routine that interrupts the harmony and balance of the home, then its got to go.

I think it's a balancing act that every couple needs to find. Some couples can balance porn in quite nicely, others cannot.

Anonymous said...

D-

don't you just love all the attention you get from these poor fools who somehow have gotten their hands on a computer that holds your eyelids open with toothpicks and forces you to read every single thing. I wonder where in the world they picked up such a thing and WHY they would even want it in the first place. If I were them I would trash that computer and get one that gives you the option of reading the things you want. Thats just me I guess, I have one of those new fangled ones and I just choose not to read your comments, or the ones relating to you as I don't care a thing about you. Enjoy all the attention you have been graced with, lets hope some new computers make there way into their hands soon.

D said...

11:30, i never asked for anyone to comment regarding me. if you feel so inclined go back to my first posts. they were entirely directed towards the confessors. suddenly "anonymous #1" decided she didn't like what i wrote and began attacking me in every thread. she converted a couple of other donkeys and they began following me around, too. i ignored all of them only addressing the confessors and people STILL are blaming me for causing drama.

all of you who think i'm seeking your attention truly show you know nothing about men. all i care about is shoving the male point of view down your throats so some woman doesn't come in here and read your nonsense about things like porn and take that home to her man and lose an otherwise good relationship just to get high-fives from a group of online man-haters.

Anonymous said...

dear d-

i am 1130, you took my sarcasm the wrong way. It is directed to the ladies you are talking about, not you.

D said...

my bad. apologies.

Anonymous said...

Everyone gets so uppity on this comment sections. it's crazy to me.

I come here for the same reason I'm sure many do, maybe even the reason why D does, which is to unbore myself from the daily grind of my day. I've even sent a few confessions Dawn's way myself and it felt great to see my words staring right back at me, kinda confirming how I felt and making my confession matter a little bit.

But it seems like alot of people come in this section to simply look for a reason to get angry and bitch out someone. If you can get that passionate and upset about someone's comment, then you must have a pretty trouble free life. So, uh, congratulations on that, I guess.

Layers of Everything said...

Wow, 7.50. I guess it does not matter if you are a wife, girlfriend, partner, friend, FELLOW HUMAN BEING, part of living on this planet involves respecting others and caring for them. Try the concept of treating others how you wish to be treated. I am sure you can deduce by the confessions on this site that theses women want their feelings heard by the people they are writing about, so why should they not be concerned with other's feelings? Feel free to verbalize your feelings, but understand, please, they are not the only feelings that matter in any situation.

Anonymous said...

"All I care about is shoving the male point of view down your throats."
Wow. That's nice and violent. And what makes you think any of these women who confess, or those of us who read these confessions, think your point of view is so blessedly important? Or that the confessors aren't already having that pov shoved down their throats continually, and are very frustrated by it, and feel like no one listens or cares?
For the record, I am not a man-hater, and I have been married many years to a really good guy who only occasionally drives me nuts. I come to TWC mainly for entertainment, but am often moved by what these women have to say. Who are you to silence them, belittle them or shove anything down their throats??

Anonymous said...

"Feel free to verbalize your feelings, but understand, please, they are not the only feelings that matter in any situation."

Oh, I understand. I understand that very well. I have that information echoing in my head all the goddamn time.

To release tension and get away from the constant need to think of someone else all the time, can I go into a room and shut the door and scream into a pillow? I cannot. I cannot because I am almost never alone in the house.

Can I go to the gym? Well, not and do what I want to do. I have to be polite and safe.

So I come here.

Politeness and safety is not bad, you understand. Thinking of others is not bad. But perhaps you will understand if some of us are ... heated on here. I hope you do understand. Since you are so fucking fixated on others' feelings.

Anonymous said...

Well said 7:26 AND 7:34! Awesome!

Anonymous said...

i ignored all of them only addressing the confessors and people STILL are blaming me for causing drama.
See, this is why a lot of us are annoyed and disturbed. This isn't a true statement. He makes it seem like we "attack" and he just very maturly focuses on the confessor when the reality is, and one only needs to read just a few of his posts to see, he bates and loves to have the attention on him. If he's going to try to portray himself as a mature man with valuable insight and sound advice, then he needs to really make an effort to look back at his past behaviour and take responsibility for the heated arguments he had just as much part in, if not more: he has admitted to on one occation to purposely writing posts that would bate a member of this community into an argument. Now how is this helpful? This isn't his playground. It isn't anyone's playground. I know this isn't "therapy" but it is a place where women are coming to with some very real problems in their lives and I don't think it should be seen as a place where you can be flip because one finds it so. Yes, some are funny and some are a no-brainer but not all. Some need an ear or really thoughtful responses with helpful advice and yes, sometimes they just need to hear "I hear you. I understand you. You aren't wrong for feeling what you do." Why is that so complicated? Well, it wasn't until a few months ago, anyway.I guess my point is woman need women. A lot more than men need men. I guess that's hard for a some men to understand, but it's true. If one can make such a blanket statement as "men are visual, we need porn" then why is it so hard to accept "women are hurt by it, and they don't understand why he keeps doing it?". Why do men think their way of thinking trumps ours?
And don't you think TWC, a place for us to bounce ideas off each other, should be left to us? Aren't we more qualified being women ourselves? No group of any kind wants the opposite group to come into our camp and " shove their opinion down our throats". this is where the problem of you lies, d. It lies in here. A place that is not for you to challenge our thoughts or force us into your way of thinking, but for women to help women. We as women can't know everything about what it's like to be a man. And if we want to learn, well then we'll go to a blog that addresses those issues. But here? No, here we want to vent, we want to know if we're aline in our feelings or do other women feel the same. And if they do, what did they do to change how they feel. A mans pov is something that can be useful, if he directly has experience with a specific problem, but other than that, no. That's not meant to be censoring, it's just common sense.

I love TWC and I think Dawn is fucking brilliant for conceiving it. And I'd really like to hear her take on this.
I appoligize for the many many misspelled words, I blame dislexia and my father.

D said...

i should say i used to ignore the attacks but after a couple of months i began to respond forcefully. that's a fact. now i admittedly have fun responding to the critics, the same way i occasionally enjoy verbally sparring with teenagers and shooting down their naive view of the world.

now, i said in another post i would fall back because i learned this place was designed for women's senseless meanderings. that's why i only responded to one confession instead of most like i usually do. even so, it seems every comment section from now until the end of time will be hijacked by people who can't conquer their obsession with me and focus like lasers on my opinions...despite dawn and others pleading with all of you to ignore me. for that i am sorry.