Saturday, December 15, 2007

Saturday SexChat at TWC Dec 15th edition

One of the holy grail of sex questions:

"So what is the secret to giving a good blow job? "

and

"What do you advise for somebody (male or female) whose partner will not perform oral even if requested."

52 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's hard enough to deal with a gag reflex, so the gentleman seeking a good blowjob should be CLEAN. If I want cheese I'll order nachos.

Anonymous said...

Tip # 438:

Stop holding the shaft of his penis. Let your tongue out and take as much as you can into your mouth and throat.

D said...

1) enthusiasm and spontaneity. specific techniques will vary from man to man, but there is a huge difference between a woman who sees it as a chore and one like superhead, who craves it...or at least pretends to. but if you're looking for specifics, one rule to always keep in mind is to always be doing more than one thing at a time. in other words (not to get too graphic), don't just suck. talk dirty, tease with your hands, lick, jerk and suck at the same time, etc. as for spontaneity, nothing is better than coming home from work and being met at the door and.........

2) thankfully this is a very rare problem nowadays. if it's a dealbreaker for you, like it is for me, tell your partner. don't demand it. just let them know it's something you expect but you're willing to wait a while until they are comfortable. then wait. usually people come around. for those who don't, you have to decide if you can live without it.

Anonymous said...

I am one of those who won't give oral, even when it's requested. This is because I have temporomandibular joint syndrome and it is EXCRUCIATING for me to give oral. I can't chew gum for the same reason.

The last time I tried to give oral, it was after lots of begging from my partner. I ended up in tears, he ended up feeling like an ass for asking in the first place, and it's not a part of our sexual relationship any more.

My point is, there might be a reason oral is being refused. If it's just that the person doesn't want to, that's one thing. But there might be a reason that goes far beyond "I don't wanna". So ask why.

Anonymous said...

The only "secret" to giving a great blowjob is knowing you're giving pleasure to your partner. If you're focused on your performace, you'll never relax enough to enjoy or convey a sense of willingness to your partner. Before my husband and I were together I'd only given one BJ and that one felt pretty much forced. I hated the act and the man for demanding it.

With my husband, I've been able to relax, and to see the intense pleasure I bring him. Technique comes from practice and by simply asking your man what he finds pleasurable.

As for being with a non-giver, that's a deal breaker for me. No, sex isn't always 50/50, and yes, sometimes I have to remind my husand that it's been awhile. But if he refused, well, that's a two way street.

oneman said...

I can only speak from the perspective of a person who has never received oral in his life.

Did I know about this before I got married 10 years ago ? Yes.

Did I expect her to change her mind ? Maybe I thought with trust and time things would change but they have not (does not say they won't change in the future).

Is it a deal breaker for me ? Hell no. There are bigger things in my relationship then oral. Our sex relationship is pretty good apart from this one thing. Frequency, variety and a willingness to try new things within the boundaries we have mutually set.

Do I feel cheated ? Sometimes when I speak about it to my friends. I would like to know what it feels like but I can live with it. Every person is different and I am grateful for the stuff we do get up to which I suspect is more then most couples after 10 years of marriage.

Do I give her oral ? Yes, my choice not hers. It helps her cum which makes me happy so I do.

What does she think ? She blames it on psychological problems. Yes she feels bad, she jokingly tell me to go pay for it if I am that desperate for it (something I would never do). I have told her not to worry about it as I don't want her to feel bad about it.

Is it worth seeking counselling on ? No, if it was we would have bigger problems.


Sex in general, I would say try the unexpected in terms of timing. Any sexual act will feel better if your partner feels its spontaneous.

As for technique, try the following web link which has been recommended to us by several people,

http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/fellatio.html


Finally, yet again D shows his inexperience in life. This is not an uncommon issue as D states. There are PLENTY of men and women who do not wish to give oral. I know this from speaking to real people and from various adult forums that we are part off.

Not giving oral is 100% within somebodies right, I would never push somebody into doing it if it makes them uncomfortable. How can you receive any pleasure knowing that your partner is being forced into an act they do not want to participate in ?

If you are a person who cannot stand to give oral and you want like to to please you partner and it is a deal breaker for them then please speak to a sex councillor. There could be a simple underlying route cause (such as previous bad experience or abuse) and they will be able to give you more help for your specific situation.

Blake said...

As a man, this is going to come as a shock, but I could care less about receiving a blow job. I won't turn one down if that is what a woman does enjoy. I get the most pleasure out of is going down on a woman. Pleasing her is what pleases me the most.

I know this isn't relevant to the chat, but I just had to say something to mix things up a bit.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last two male posters. It's not a deal breaker for me. I'm a woman, and like to recieve but I'm fine without it, but giving is just okay. I don't dislike it, but I feel I'm not very good at it. I'll check out the website (thanks, oneman) but I don't think my husband is going to leave me over bjs! And swallowing. Sorry, guys, I think it's gross.

downtown said...

I have recently started to enjoy going down on my husband. I did it before, but not with the excitement and gusto as of late. I have 2 things to recommend.

First, something to numb the gag relex. A product called Good Head. I'm sure there are others, but that is what I am familiar with.

The second thing I have found helpful is hand technique. I adapted an idea from an erotic massage book that I call the Corkscrew. While he is in my mouth, I turn my hand up and down his shaft with the rhythym of my mouth. This way, I don't have to gag myself going the whole length, but my hand gives him the sensation of me fully taking him in. The turning of my hand gives him more pleasure because it isn't a straight up and down motion. Think of the red stripe on a candy cane and that is the path your hand takes.

As for climax, it's really up to you what you are comfortable with. He may really want you to swallow, but some just can't do it. The Good Head comes in helpful there too. Of course it also depends if he releases a lot of semen. Small amounts are much easier to handle.

He recently told me that I had given him the best blow job ever and I have been trying to top it for 3 weeks.

SaKi said...

For me, I really try to project to my hubby that I LOVE doing it (but I really do so I don't have to "act"). I also hum and moan while he's in my mouth, while using enough saliva to cover his entire member, corkscrewing my hand up and down his shaft in rhythm with my mouth. I also look up at him so he knows I know he's watching me. I give his "berries" some attention to with the other hand...cupping them....sometimes leaving his "twig" to kiss and lick his "berries".

I don't swallow....not really my thing, but I will let him cum on my face or boobs. The visual aspect of it turns him on....and he reciprocates very nicely. :) :)

D said...

oneman, it's not common. the great majority of people give and receive head. you know, i would respond further but with this information i feel like i have a whole new understanding of you now.

oneman said...

D,

Please check the following link.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_4_36/ai_58459532/pg_13

It indicates between 35% to 50% of women do not give oral sex. 10 minutes of searching in google with produce collaborating data.

My comments are not based on hear say or rummer but actual data.

D said...

lol..i love google geniuses. bruh, 75 percent of women will tell you they don't give head or they only do it in relationships. if you ask most women their number of partners, you will get a number between 3 and 5 most of the time.

in short, women aren't honest about sex...not even on anonymous surveys.

"Women are so sensitive about being labelled 'whores' that they are very reluctant to be honest about their sexual behaviour, even in supposedly anonymous surveys," said Terri Fisher, who headed the study at Ohio State University in the US.

that's from this link.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-5728593-details/Women+lie+about+their+sex+lives/article.do;jsessionid=5jJnHkpKHFxjJQ3QTqkXpvQNL1dLYc848PYRrnJZ0lGCjqfhfTZM!-1911777640!-1407319224!7001!-1

with all your life experience i'm sure you know this, though.

D said...

my apologies...the full link. http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-5728593-details/Women+lie+about+their+sex+lives/article.do;jsessionid=5jJnHkpKHFxjJQ3QTqkXpvQNL1dLYc848PYRrnJZ0lGCjqfhfTZM!-1911777640!-1407319224!7001!-1

D said...

the whole link won't paste for some reason but you're good at google...just search on "lying sex surveys".

Anonymous said...

I just googled "huge asshole know-it-alls who have to be right about everything and like spending a lot of time on womens sites who clearly wish he wouldn't" and D's name came up!

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ 11:45....so true!

I think the secret to giving good BJ's is to truly enjoy doing it (which I do) and to be spontaneous about it. Also, mix up what you do! It seems to work for my man. But I don't/won't/can't go all the way. I pleasure him up until he's ready to cum then back off. Vomiting is a sure fire way to kill the mood. We're both ok with this, and he cums in or on me.

As for part 2....well I'm on the non-receiving end of that. And although I have been in past relationships where I did receive and much enjoy, I have been married for 12 years now and it's okay for me. to not receive. I do miss it, but he makes up for it in other ways. We have talked about it, and he did go down on me once. He may come around, he may not. It's ok either way. As long as it's something he WANTS to do, I'm ok with either way. It's not cool to make someone do anything they don't want to do.

But here's the Holy Grail of marriage secrets, whether it's your sex, emotional, or any other facet: Communication. Comminucate your needs, wants, desires, and have your partner do the same. It'll lead to true happiness for both of you. Fix your small issues before they become huge.

I don't understand the poster who said it's a deal breaker in a relationship if there is no oral given to them. Is your life really that empty? There is much more to life than sex and oral sex. Much, much more. Get over yourself, get out of the bedroom, and realize that.

oneman said...

D,

I read the article and I still have to say from my own experience that oral sex may be in over 50% of relations but definitely not everyone. Maybe its the circles we mix in or cultural difference but I still stick with my observation that not uncommon for one partner or the other not to give oral.

Anonymous said...

I agree with oneman, I think there are a lot of people who don't do oral. Big deal. And why would it be a deal breaker? You mean to tell me, D, that if you met the perfect woman for you in every way except that she doesn't get on her knees, you'd dump her? Maybe your gay and you don't know it yet.

D said...

1:57, i would never face that choice to dump her because it wouldn't get past the initial dating stage. but if a woman i was already in love with/married to decided to stop giving head, no, i wouldn't dump her and no i wouldn't cheat. i don't know how i'd handle it beyond that because i've never experienced that as an adult.

oneman said...

11:59

Totally agree 100% that communications and trust are the foundations of any successful relationship.

I also cannot believe that oral would be a deal breaker for a relationship. That would have to be a pretty shallow relationship if oral was that important.

D said...

it's not a dealbreaker for ending a relationship. it's a dealbreaker for starting one.

Anonymous said...

I hated giving BJ's to my ex-husband,and rarely did, but thoroughly enjoy giving 'em to my current partner.

I think it has everything to do with communication, respect, and I love to turn him on like that. Truly, I love what it does to and for him more than anything else. It excites me.

Anonymous said...

But D, when do you bring up this delicate topic? Maybe it's not delicate to you. I'll use my POV..(I don't know what the "beginning of a relationship" means to you) Your first date, she's great. Pretty, smart, charming, same interests, great job. Second date, she's caring, sweet, compassionate, shares same political views. Definite chemestry here. Third date, she shares your weird interest in UFO's or fill-in-the-blank, she wants a family and is close to hers, she has no addictions. Forth date, she's a great cook, has a nice place, you have great sex. Fifth date, you ask for a BJ and she says she doesn't do that, she doesn't feel comfortable with that.

Well. There ya go, Mr. That's-a-dealbreaker. Are you that fucking shallow/stupid that you'd let the perfect girl for you go because she won't blow you?

oneman said...

9:19

ITA. I cannot understand how not getting a BJ in relationship is such a big deal. OK from a physical point of view I cannot tell you from personal experience if it has an amazing level of orgasm. From what other people have told me, yes its good but to be honest, not a huge difference between that and other organism (maybe they were doing it wrong). Plus I read and talked about how many men CANNOT cum during a BJ.

So my guess its about the power in the relationship ?

To be honest, I don't sex of any kind is not the be all and end all of a relation. Yes it send good feeling chemicals in to your brain but in a loving caring relationship there are just so many other aspects that give you the feel good factor.

Speaking from personal experiance, after my wife has our first baby we did not have 'sex' for 6 months. Was I going to leave her because of it, was I going to have an affair. Hell no, through communication I understood what she was going through (PPD) and why she did not feel up to it. It was a time we actually got closer because we could enough kissing, cuddling, massages and close physical contact without the pressure of it ending in sex.

Sorry, I know this is getting away from the orignal topic so I will stop here.

Anonymous said...

No, Oneman, you're not getting away from the topic. What you're doing is adding a real husbands view, from experience. You're sharing your feelings, and that helps us, especially because your a good guy who loves his wife. Thank you.

D said...

9:19, i would ask for head the first time we have sex. and it probably wouldn't take four dates. and before you have sex with someone you have to discuss it to find out their sexual history, the last time they were tested, etc....so blowjobs come up in that discussion.

sex is important to a relationship. to be happy, i need a completely uninhibited woman. if wanting that is shallow, then i'm puddle-deep.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit! This is better than Christmas. You're fucking handing yourself on a golden platter, D.
So... your THAT guy. A total player that expects sex before even a 4th date. Nice. ( But all women are whores, right?) A fucking would be carrier of an STD, and fucking women of the like. Okay, this so explains so much,there's lots of porn sites you can google to find your"nitch".
Mkay. Listen. This is a site for True Wives to confess about our husbands or our lovers. Married men that comment get a pass, unmarried men that want to learn and ask respectful questions, I think we do well with them, too. For the tenth time, this is not your place, D. Why don't you get that? You comment that I , et al, spend too much time responding to you? Then quit it! We were great before your ass started up talking shit about was is rape and what isn't. Get it yet? Our shit, Our problems- we don't need your opinion anymore than a fish needs a bicycle. And definitly not your misogyinistic, obviously obtuse idea of women. I am so fucking sick of you, and I really hope my fellow sisters a TWC will back me on this and drive you back to your weird world that was before you found Dawn's site.
Yeah, you're in a puddle alright. Of your own shit. Sod off.

Girls, please back me here, I really love this site, I really do. But just like watching a bad TV show I gotta quit it if this fucking tool keeps commenting. He's a cancer here, he doesn't belong. I'm not commenting any further to him. If your with me, he'll eventually get bored and go on to further bother some other site that he knows nothing about and let them deal with him, God help them. This guy is pathetic, lonely, and is in desperate need of attention from strangers and I am guilty of feeding him.
No more. d ( now I get it why your name is in lower class, sorry case)You are done. You suck at life, you suck at love. On behalf of all of the women you have insulted : Fuck You.

D said...

great anonymous...please ignore me (though you've promised that before). i don't post for the approval of you or other commenters. please focus on the confessors like i always do. i'm sure that would be appreciated. everyone will see that without your rabid personal attacks and brainless profanity, this board will go right back to the respectful forum of ideas it always was. then all your sisters can decide if my opinions or your non-stop psychotic ranting and raving FOR MONTHS did more to disrupt the site than me.

see you in the next post.

flaccidpeanuts said...

The key to good oral is communication, the old standby solution to many relationship quandaries. A pairing that is perfectly matched in all areas is an anomaly. For most of us it’s a lifetime of striking a balance between your needs, the needs of your partner, and the comfort zones of both people. That extends to the boudoir. What works for one won't necessarily for another. Take the time to ask what your partner is keen on. Encourage your partner to tell you when you are doing something pleasing as well as when you are doing something they don't care for.

Overall, don’t take sex too seriously. I’ve had some of my best laughs in bed and I don’t mean at the expense of the other person.

Anonymous said...

The problem with giving directions to someone how to give a good BJ is that every guy is different. Some guys like their balls played with, some like the shaft held onto with your hand, someone like you to just use your mouth.
My suggestion is to just ask what feels good. Try some new simplier things and see how he responds.

My BF never had a girl that would ask him what he wanted, so he was very shocked, and turned on that I cared enough to ask and then would try different things.

PaganBaby said...

Some guys just do not do oral. Try to find a way to compromise.

As for giving an awesome bj, do some research on techniques. Practice makes perfect. If its not something that you fully enjoy, make him think that you do. Work on your gag reflex, no you don't have to deep throat continuously just every now and then is more than satisfactory. Most men are just thrilled that you will even go down on them.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you 11:17! Piss off d!

Anonymous said...

In my first sexual experiences (ages 16-22), I would say that I was - while not afraid of the penis - VERY wary of it. Plus when you are fooling around with people as wary and inexperienced ( by that I mean worldly or having had several longish term partners) you can't really judge what feels good - what feels REALLY good and what is just OK.

OK - so. You also have the fear of semen. The taste. The consistency. Every man tastes VASTLY different - from mild and almost sweet to something that might be battery acid. I have, however, heard the same about women. I remember bracing myself for the spurt , fearing my high school boyfriend would be too far in the back of my mouth and I would gag. I did not want to gag and the fear of gagging became all consuming. Then the anticipation of gagging and the taste became worrisome.

So you have all this fear and anxiety and "will I be called a whore if I do this?" stuff that rolls around in the mind of a Young woman.


So - and this is the truth - after not giving a blow job in almost a decade - I decided to throw myself back into it. I found partners to practice on - and I did - with enthusiasm. I Read articles - I asked gay male friends. I wanted to figure out what it was that I could do.

And here is what I have found. My previous technique was hard on my mouth. I was stressed and my mouth made a tight "O". This meant I never relaxed my mouth and lips enough to play with my tongue. I was worried I would hit the penis with my teeth, so I was constantly in my head thinking about what I was doing. Good head can't be given if you are in your own head. So, I think I essentially acted like I was bobbing for apples - Up and down, Up and down. Tight lips. No play.

Not anymore. I use hands, lips, tongue, fingers. I lick up and down. I pay lots of attention to the testicles. I tickle the choad with my tongue - If my partner is open to it, I throw in a little fingering the ass play.

The tongue tickles, teases and flicks - then back to licking like an ice cream cone - bottom to top. Move the cock around in your mouth - push it against your cheek while flicking your tongue along the side - slide it to the back of your throat ( I haven't tried to truly deep throat, but I slide it back as far as I can) I can feel my gag reflex almost kick in,so I push it back and move through it.

Suction should be varied - not too hard, not too loose. Sometimes I just apply suction to the tip for a little bit, while using my wrist at the base in a twisting motion.

I don't mind hands on my head - but don't push me down - I've got a rhythm [ The caveat is when I have agreed to be face fucked - which is different and was something that was asked for, so I was in a kneeling position] I appreciate some verbal warning "I'm getting close" etc, just so I can anticipate the swallow and not be in the wrong place in my mouth.

I once gave a partner a Bj that was so good he cried afterwards.

But yeah. If you don't want to do it - don't.
But truly - I think it is because I actually enjoy it. Swallowing doesn't bother me in the least. I like to look up and see the man I am with enjoying my hard work. ( and I know when a guy doesn't like giving a woman head- I mean, don't even bother going down if you aren't really into it...It feels rotten)

Carolina said...

Wow, d. "Suck my dick or hit the road", huh? Good luck getting anyone to respect your opinions now.

I personally don't mind giving blow-jobs. I don't receive a physical thrill from it, but it is a mental turn-on to know I am making my man feel that good. As far as how to give a great blow-job? It has already been said but I will repeat it. Communication. Ask him how he likes it. Try something new and get his feedback. If he is one of the good ones he will do the same for you. Let's face it, if you are not comfortable enough with a person to talk about these things, you probably shouldn't have your mouth on his or her genitals in the first place.

Just my opinion.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

..."d" is for "dastardly"...

Dear d:

Just because you require a partner that is on the same page as you
sexually doesn't mean that *that* kind of inhibition is necessary for
every other person to have a fulfilling relationship.

There's more to life than sex and a helluva lot more to love than sex. I'm not saying that sex isn't important, nor am I saying that getting your needs met isn't important.

One of my questions for you is this: You require oral sex in a partner. Do you require them to receive oral sex from you as well?

My point is that having a laundry list of requirements for a partner (sexual or otherwise) is unrealistic and often stems from a self-centered world-view, one that oftentimes refuses to take the other person's wants and needs (let alone their *requirements*) into account.

I'm also curious as to whether you reciprocate with the action is such a dealbreaker if you don't get it. Does your partner get it just as often as you do?
My point of view is such that if you're going to require something like that, you'd damn sure be ready to reciprocate in kind just as often, if not more often than you receive. And if you can't bring yourself to do that, you have no business requiring something from your partner that you can't bring yourself to do.

Now, requirements are tricky things. When life throws you a curveball, what's in the fine print there? What happens when the woman you're with, game as she is, isn't able to perform for whatever reason-- just had a baby, just had surgery, etc.? Life happens. How do you plan on dealing with that?

I mean, you can do whatever you'd like and set whatever limits you'd
like for yourself-- but I learned a while ago that great sex and no
conversation is not as fulfilling as great conversations and a great
emotional connection. Now, you may cite "man-ness" as a reason for seeing your cake as being all icing and no substance-- but even the sweetest tooth will get a tummy ache if all he eats is icing-- so too, will the asshole man who gets sex sex sex without real, true, abiding love.

The way I see it, sex is sex, and it'll end up being as good as it can be-- it's the icing on the cake, not the substance that holds a relationship together-- and it actually won't be a dealbreaker if the relationship is founded on good communication, genuine respect for one another as people (not simply objects of affection), and a real emotional connection.

If respect is lacking, the partner seeking sex as the "icing/glue" for
his/her relationship will likely end up alienating and hurting the
other partner.

Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you want or what you seek in a relationship, but there *is* something wrong with the way you try to push that view on everyone else you respond to.

Also, I'm mostly curious as to what the limits are to your personal philosophy. Some people are offended by your views, but I'm not -- I just want to see where you're coming from.

Not everyone is you, and not everyone sees the world the way you do. A little tact and grace goes a long way. You may not care what others think, but what harm would it do you to think about what things sound like to others? What would it hurt to take other people's feelings into consideration?

A little bluntness from time to time is a good thing, don't get me wrong... but you might do
better to preface your uber-bold suggestions with the fact that these are just your thoughts-- that you don't think less of others for not being just like you-- because that's really how you come across to me a lot of the time.

Just some friendly criticism.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, 3:37, 1:02, et al. I appreciate the backing. I think I may have gotten my Irish up, but I just can't stand that guy. I really think he's got some serious issues and I'd hate for a vulnerable woman to come here and read any of his "advice" or opinions and get hurt further from them. Enough of that!

1:49, Awesome advice! Very well explained.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha. D is annoying because he won't shut it but...I'm a woman who doesn't consider herself shallow, and I agree with him.

He knows what he wants. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Hope you find her, man. I love sucking dick but the vast majority of women that I know don't. Good luck. She's out there.

D said...

i had a whole long speech for osnia but came up with something better as i typed it. everyone thinks requiring oral sex is so shallow. i thought of some things MUCH more shallow...like requiring a potential partner to be a certain height.

lots of people (women) disqualify lots of other people (men) simply for being too short. for them, that's just a dealbreaker. others only date men who make a certain amount of money, another shallow dealbreaker for them.

i say, more power to them. they know what makes them happy. we can all agree that there a 1,000 other shallow dealbreakers. and all of them are probably just as shallow as requiring oral sex.

Anonymous said...

I am a women and I think a guy not giving oral would be a TOTAL deal breaker for me. That is the only way I can have a good orgasm... and seriously if you don't think that is important...then I don't even know what to say. So, I can understand that d would require that.

As for giving bj's. I like it simply because they enjoy it so much. My advice would be to get everything as sloppy wet as you can , dry is not good.

D said...

*waits to see how hard everyone comes down on a woman requiring oral sex*

q said...

Hey, Blake, good to hear from you. I thought I was the only guy in the world who loves going down on his woman, but really could care less if she ever goes down on him. I love everything about cunnilingus - the smells, the taste, her response, the way that the first orgasm can 'open the door' for the next few. . . all of it. . .

To be honest, I don't think my wife likes BJs, and it may be that she's not all that good at it (no one besides her has ever given me one, so my range of experience is pretty limited), but I've never felt like I've particularly missed all that much. Our sex is so good most of the time, that it doesn't occur to me all that much that, 'hey, I could be getting BJs'.

For a long time, my wife didn't want me to go down on her, either, and I didn't push it all that hard. Then one day (after 20 years of marriage, mind you), I asked, and she said OK. And you know, she kinda likes it. In fact, there was a period of time when she asked for a 'moratorium' on oral, because her orgasms from oral were good enough that she didn't want to lose track of coming from intercourse.

So - would no oral be a deal-breaker? It hasn't been so far; but I'm so glad that she'll finally let me go down on her.

oneman said...

D,

If you read the comment she said the only way she can cum is through oral which is why it is a deal breaker for her.

I would say to her that hopefully she can meet the right person who she trust and explore other options as from what I hear, many women could not achieve orgasm through penetration until they found somebody they where comfortable with.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

d,

The big difference between men and women is this:

Men can come during intercourse, no holds barred. It's not difficult for men to come.

A large percentage of women cannot come during intercourse, or with intercourse alone.

That's where oral sex comes in for women, often as foreplay, generally as the thing that makes it so the woman can enjoy herself throughout the experience.

Men receiving oral sex? It's superfluous. Sure, it's different, and sure, it may be "better than sex" ... but unless it's the only way you can come, I don't think it's okay to make it a requirement.

Men requiring oral sex from their partners is like women requiring spa days or shopping sprees.

***
Also, in regards to your comment regarding the "height" dealbreaker-- height is a stupid, utterly ridiculous and callous reason not to date/fuck/marry someone.

Your blowjob requirement falls under the same category.

You're certainly entitled to your requirements, your things that make your world work for you.

But it's not fair, it's not just, it's not balanced, and it's certainly something I would never allow. I love giving head, but if someone told me they required getting head, it would make me not want to do it anymore. It's no fun if it's just part of the "job description". When it's just part of expressing love and affection, it's perfect. But if my partner was expecting it on a semi-regular basis, I'd balk a bit.

Sex should be open and uninhibited, and placing either requirements or restrictions is dangerous-- it can really affect the health of the relationship, especially long-term.

thatgirl said...

I dislike receiving oral. I find it really boring. I know. I'm weird. And for everyone who says that the guy I'm with isn't doing it right - ALL of them did it wrong?!?! I don't think so.

I love giving oral. When I started dating my husband, he didn't ask me to give him head . . . apparently he'd dated a lot of girls who didn't like it and he didn't want to put me in an awkward position by asking. So it's NOT uncommon for women to not like to give oral.

Finn McCool said...

Someone else's deal "breaker" often sounds stupid. Like one I heard from a woman. Too much saliva when she is kissing someone. We all have them. They may seem foolish, but so would yours, if you were honest about it. We all have them. Some are good, some are stupid, some are silly.

Maybe they are not dealbreakers as much as preferences that we would drop, given the right person. Either way, the BJ dealbreaker is far from the worst I have heard.

Plus, It seems to me it is the refusal to meet a need is the dealbreaker, more that the act itself.

My 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

Well put, 9:24

omnia_vincit_amor said...

finn,

My two dealbreakers are these:

1. When a man decides he's really a woman inside and wants to have the operation.

2. A partner who cheats.

That's it. I have no height rule, no sex quota, no $$$ requirement. Nothing superficial.

I go for people who respect me and people who are beautiful inside, because that's what I like.

Just because other people have ridiculous, selfish dealbreakers doesn't make that line of reasoning a good argument to back up your own shallow desires.

I'm not saying you can't have them, I'm only saying that they aren't fair. No matter how much people do it, making those kinds of demands are not healthy and not reasonable.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

Thanks, 6:05.

Finn McCool said...

Omnia,

Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm not saying others are right. I'm just saying that is how the world seems to be. You, nor I, are going to change it. People will have dealbreakers that since none of us are truly objective.

It for each of us to decide if that is right or wrong, and we can't decide that for another, what is a dealbreaker for them. But, I would challange you, to some degree. You have two deal breakers, which would seem to say that you have, almost never said no to a date with someone. Seems unlikely. It seems that you are obligated to go on a date with anyone who asks, based on your non existent preferences.

Preferences and dealbreakers are only a slight degrees of difference.

coladiola said...

WHY is it not ok for d to say his truth just because not everyone agrees with him?

On topic: i usually like giving. I usually hate getting. (am female) I'll put up with it if it's decent, but how about my ex-h, who INSISTED on giving but would under no circumstances quit doing all the things that make me hate it?

I have had ONE partner who gave good head - I'd walk five miles for that mouth.

As regards giving, am I really supposed to stick my finger up his ass? I guess I would if specifically requested, but yuck. Is that at all a true story?

Anonymous said...

What the secret to giving a good one? Suction and keeping the teeth tucked.

And every guy is different in what he wants from a bj. Some want a LOT of suction, some want less suction but more handwork.

And mostly, men just like that you're willing to do it. Bonus points for style but you've already won this one.