Saturday, January 19, 2008

TWC Saturday Sex Chat January 19, 2008 Edition

Anal sex? Does it hurt, will i lose control? is it worth it?

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

My advice is: Everyone should try anal sex once. You might like it. If you don't, at least you'll have tried.

Anonymous said...

Can it hurt? absolutely but if you use lubrication, take it slow and relax it will be ok. Relax is the main thing, if you are tense it WILL hurt, you need to trust your man, just relax, breath easy, he is not there to hurt you, he is there to be adventerous with you. So I'll say it again.......RELAX and trust your man. Allow him to show you a good time. If you don't like it then atleast you know you tried it and genuinely don't like it.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

I don't understand part of your question.

Lose control how, exactly?

D said...

yes. you should definitely try it. lots of lube, don't tense up and it won't hurt as much as you think.

many people like it. i'm not a big fan of it myself, but if a woman insists...

Anonymous said...

My one and only experience: yes it hurts, no it's not even remotely worth it, even with a loving and gentle partner. Exit only.

Alison said...

I truly feel anyone that says they like it is lying. There is nothing pleasurable about it. You can use a whole barrel of lube and it wont take away the horrible feeling. I am all about trying something once but I seriously would be fine had I never tried THAT.

Happy decision making.

Larry said...

tried it twice first and last she didn't like it neither did I and it didn't hurt.

Anonymous said...

My husband loves it. I don't mind it, but I have to have had a bit to drink first. I agree that being relaxed is the key. Lube is also required. So, have a few to drink, lube up and you're good to go.

Anonymous said...

Omnia: I am not the poster but assume she means loose control of her bowels.

Anonymous said...

Let's be honest, even intercourse can hurt if you're not ready (lubricated). Anal's no different. Lube, relaxation, trust and a desire to experience something new are all important aspects of any new sex act. Don't EVER do something just to please your partner. You'll end up not enjoying the sex and you may resent your partner. If you're curious about anal, I suggest starting with a relaxing bath (both for the relaxation and so you'll feel clean) then perhaps a cocktail and some good lube. And I cannot stress the importance of honest communication with your partner enough. Let him know it's your first time, and if you're apprehensive. Ask him to go slow and if you want him to stop SAY SO. My husband and I have had anal only twice in 6 years, both times at MY instigation. Yes it can be painful but it can also be pleasurable. Yes, really!

Anonymous said...

It can be very pleasurable, if you trust your partner, relax, and take it very slow at first. I second other posters' suggestions of a nice bath, a cocktail, and lots of lube. Make sure to incorporate whatever foreplay or other activities you like best-- when I tried it the first time with my current SO, he threw in the dirty talk that turns me on, but is rare because he doesn't always feel comfortable doing it, and it was pretty damn hot.

If you aren't interested in the idea for yourself, though, don't push yourself into it just to please your partner! If you are tense it will surely hurt.

Give it a try, and if you hate it, well, at least you know!

Anonymous said...

trust me....some women do like it. i am one of them. the first time that i tried it, i cried it hurt so bad. now, 4 years and a different man later, i love it. the first time with him was a little uncomfortable, but no pain...then it got easiar. its to the point now that ill ask for it. its actually quite fun bc its so naughty!

Anonymous said...

You can find out ahead of time whether it's worth it. Don't put his dick inside you the first time you try -- have several sessions of playing around first. Have him pet your asshole and rub lube on it the first time. The next time, he can slip his (very well lubed) fingertip in. Third time, he can move his fingertip in and out. Fourth time, he can put his finger in a little farther ... you get the picture. Get your asshole gradually in the habit of being teased and loved rather than just wiped and forgotten :)

After he's played with you (and you ahve played with him, if he wants it) for several sessions, you can tell whether you want to go to two fingers, a dildo, his penis, etc., or whether it's just not any fun for you. If it's not any fun, you haven't lost anything. If it is fun, then you can experiment farther.

Oh, and when he pulls his finger, or a dildo, or his penis out, it will feel like you're having a bowel movement. It's okay. You're not. It's a shock at first, like you're suddenly losing control, but it's just the signals your body is used to sending you: "Something coming out. Must be poop." If you can tell your partner that that's what you're afraid of, then he can say "It's okay, nothing's coming out."

And if something does come out? So what? Layer the bed with towels and you're in business.

Anonymous said...

I tried it with a partner who wasn't very kind, went too fast & without enough lube, and it hurt like a b*tch. I hated it so much.
That said--I believe it's a lot more pleasurable for men on the receiving end (ie, gay men, or men whose female partners are wearing a strap-on). Men have this thing called the prostate... when it's correctly stimulated it causes great pleasure. Women don't have one so our enjoyment of this act is likely to be less. If you're like me and don't enjoy taking it, you could consider offering to give it instead. He might find it's right up his alley, so to speak.

Anonymous said...

Tried with three partners to date.

First two were like described above -

They "pretended" to go slow until they were in and then all bets seemed to be off. Apparently they confused me with the women they had seen in the videos and thought the harder the better. It was Awful.

Third one - MUCH better. Slow - relaxing - lots of lube. He knew better than to get inside and start pounding away - It was amazingly gentle and pleasurable. He was sensitive to my cues and did not go further than I wanted.

Anonymous said...

I like it very much and anal sex has become a weekly thing. My advise: missionary position, lots of lube, and GO SLOWLY. Like anon 4:08 said, start with teasing to get you used to the sensation of something being "up there".

As for "will I lose control"...it's very possible. If you're ok with it, chances are he will be too. Talk about it first, and make sure.

Basically, once both you and your partner are comfortable, relaxed, and lubed it can be wonderful. If you decide it's not for you that's fine. At least you can say you tried.

Anonymous said...

I highly reccomend the spooning position!!...a little modified though...its a tad bit hard to spoon when youre doing that, but you get the idea!

Anonymous said...

Tried it once with my ex-husband. I hated it and will never do it again. He had been pressuring me for years to do it and we tried several times over the years. It hurt so much I always made him stop. And yes, we used plenty of lube and I relaxed as much as I could. I finally gave in because I was desperate to do anything to try to make our marriage better. It was one of the most uncomfortable and ungratifying experiences of my life. It was a huge mistake. When I refused to do it again I was accused of being a prude and a selfish lover who was insensitive to his sexual needs.

I guess some women enjoy it and I say more power to em, but I will NEVER allow myself to be pressured into that again.

Anonymous said...

I recently began enjoying anal sex again. For years, I absolutely hated it. My husband wanted to try it years ago and he did not use enough lube and thought it was okay to "pound" away once he was in. To this day, I cannot have anal sex with him. However, I do have an FWB (whole other confession) who has opened me up to anal sex again. As others have said, teasing and playing should be first with plenty of lube. If you are comfortable with the finger/dildo, etc. then let him use his penis. But remember, you are in control and that if you are not comfortable, then by all means, stop. I for one enjoy double penetration. His penis penetrating my anus and the use of a dildo or vibrator stimulating my clitoris and/or vaginal opening. But, one other piece of advice, please make sure his penis is clean before allowing vaginal sex again. Best bet would be to end with anal sex.

Anonymous said...

After 9 years of marriage, my husband finally talked me into trying it. And SURPRISE!! I like it! Like the previous poster, I find DP very satisfying.

Like everyone else said, relax and lots and lots of lube. You HAVE to be able to trust your partner, too. Don't try it if you don't have open communication.

Anonymous said...

DP is amazing! My BF loves it bc a vibrator in me, feels awesome for him too, when hes in my ass. I also find that if you bear down a little bit (kinda like you have to poop) it slides in even easiar bc it opens everything up. Just make sure you dont have to go when you do it! As far as "losing control"...you have to know your body. I mean, if you eat burritos and beans that day....not a good idea. Eat foods high in fiber, some dairy...things that will make everything i dont know...firmer, haha. You can even use an enema right before if you are really nervous...dont use the solution though, just warm water. if there happens to be a mess, then i would tell them tough shit, no pun intended. it comes with the territory!

IT Barman said...

I can only agree with all the advice given here but have one more, instead of letting him pump away as he will want to (its an instinct) you push back on to him and move forwards and backwards, then you know how far you want to go and how fast. It just helps with the stress and worries of what if he pushes to hard etc.

Anonymous said...

The best guide with reality thrown in for good measure (by a woman apparently)

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/63921265.html

Paul said...

After a few suggestions from myself followed by several bottles of wine and a HEARTY recommendation from a trusted female friend my darling wife decided she was ready for her first anal sex experience. I was stunned and started very gently and easy. Being nice and easing into this new realm. Well the wine was doing the talking and the drunken wife alter ego appeared. She was yelling "Harder, Faster! Pull my hair" "Harder Faster" So I stepped up the pace under this constant verbal barrage of performance demands. In the end I am sure I looked like a blurred jackhammer trying to meet her drunken demands.
Well after a while I was exhausted and we finished through more "conventional" means. In the morning she was quite sore from her jackhammering and the back door has been off the menu since. She very much enjoys sensations and I am sure would enjoy DP but no dice. For me it is not a favorite but it is a nice dirty diversion and some butt play would add to our otherwise varied menu.
I shared that I saw this thread and suggest that maybe that wasn't the best first experience to have completely ruled it out. So we'll see maybe I just need to chill some more wine..LOL

Anonymous said...

Let her take a hot bath, give her whatever her favorite cocktail is, then give her a really good massage. Plenty of foreplay, KY for lube seems to work best. Start with one finger, rub clit, then two fingers, lick clit. About 5 minutes of this and she will be ready for your cock. Go really slowly, rub that clit gently the whole time if possible. Her body will tell you when you can go a bit deeper and she will tell you when it's ok to pump that rump. If it is her first time, try very hard to make sure she comes. This greatly increases your chances of getting in there again. Best of Luck.