True Wife Confession 130 Hercules

Confession #1291

Sometimes I feel like I could do better than you. Someone more sophisticated, smarter, someone who likes to read the latest bestesellers like I do and wants to take me to plays. Someone who doesn't think it's hilarious to shoot beer cans and that a good Friday night date is going to the drag races. But then I realize that if I was married to someone like that he probably couldn't make me laugh the way you do, he probably wouldn't load the dishwasher or take clothes out of the dryer without being asked, and probably would be too busy with his corporate job to go to our son's preschool Halloween party (you were the ONLY dad there:) He would probably never understand my emotional baggage and roller coaster mood swings and deal with it all in stride like you do when you wrap your arms around me and just tell me you love me anyway. We are VERY different people in so many ways, but that doesn't mean we aren't perfect together. I'll make you a deal - if you will smile and nod when I want to go see a movie with subtitles and I buy 5 new books from Barnes & Noble because I can't decide which one to read first, I will go to the drag races and sincerely try to enjoy it and I will sit with you in the garage while you "tinker" on that car you've had since high school.

Confession #1292

When your best friend of 30 years was going through a rough time with
his divorce I listened to him. I looked forward to the time I spent
online chatting with him after you went to bed. I found myself
getting more and more attracted to this man I used to barely
tolerate. Oh - the thought did race through my mind about how
exciting it would be to have a fling with him. But never did I let
him know that I secretly was attracted to him, while I listened and
listened to him night after night. Now he is pretty much healed from
his breakup and actually dating again. It has been months since I
have had the feelings of attraction towards him. My dear husband, I
love you very much and I hope that we will eventually fall madly in
love with each other as we did 15 years ago when we were first
married. I wish I could tell you that my heart strayed for a bit but
I never will because I love you so much and I would never want to
hurt you. You are a very good man but you just don't know how to
fulfill my emotional needs. I'm not giving up on you yet.

Confession #1293

Pumpkin,
If you are not going to listen to a word I say, please don't stand there and swear up and down that I didn't say something. Worse yet, don't swear up and down I said something that I didn't. You are deaf as a door nail. Everyone else knows that you are going to be the spokesperson for Miracle Ear in a couple years.You are just in denial. You may know what you think you heard, but I know what I said! That is so arrogant! If you are playing playstation (or whatever), don't ask me "huh?" if you have no intention of listening to me a second time.
Oh and one last thing, I don't call that often. If you cannot pay attention to my call, turn of the f(@#*$ television while I am on the phone. As much as I'd like to tell myself you have adult ADD, I think you are truly just self absorbed and inconsiderate.
Now that I have addressed your inability to listen, next time I'd like to confess how much your inability to relay information to me make me crazy!
Other than your communication skills (or lack of), I love you very much!

Confession #1294

You don't have to strong all the time, you know. Admitting you are human, expressing fear or doubt - these things don't make me love you less. It is when you hold it all inside and pretend like you are invincible that I don't like you very much.

I want to be married to a human male, not a superman. Letting me shoulder some of this stress would help.

Confession #1295,1296, 1297,1298 and 1299

im not your wife or girlfriend or your partner, but you feel like everything when i see you.

i didn't want to see you at the reunion. you hurt me more than any person ever, and i gave you another chance after 2 years of not speaking because I couldn't NOT do it. What's between us felt so strong, and I had to believe it was mutual. Who knows if it is or not.

I have to give up the idea that you are so much of everything to me. My feelings for you are inextricably tied up in the pain and emptiness I felt when we became such close friends. I think there is something distinct about the "between-us" ness...though, because when i was with you, i didn't need to or want to make you my "Everything," i just enjoyed living IN the stuff that was between us. I felt naked and transparent besides having just learned that I should never be so. I knew i SAW you and I didn't deny it for fear of being presumptuous. It just was. Even though i couldnt look at you when you looked at me the way you did for two years and I wasn't ready to return the glance.

Now i return the gaze and when you look at me my heart stops.
it feels trite and fake to talk about it. this between-ness between-us thing that i can't explain. that i can't entangle from my other feelings of pain and need that were woven into our friendship and relationship.

But you didn't act the way I felt. And I thought you should be lucky I was even willing to be open to you. But I was. Am? I probably shouldn't be. I don't want to be holding a door for you. But I can't deny that when you come back around it feels like I've been waiting. Even if I think I've forgotten you and us. It hurt so bad to have to close back up again.

I know it didn't make sense because I was moving out of state in a few weeks, but even I couldn't stop myself from feeling what I was feeling. I guess you could. You were hampered by your past. And I can understand that because I often am too. But don't tell me, and don't tell yourself that you were acting for ME. if you think you were thinking of me, you need to reexamine yourself. Because thinking of me really means you THINK you know whats best for me (which you don't) and your acting on that defies my dignity as a person, to know what is best for myself. As if I needed you to act in my best interests because I'm not capable.

And so your apology this weekend stung. It was an accidental apology - you might have guessed you'd see me at the reunion. I was subconsciously dreaming of you out of the blue the week before. I figured just as we'd ignored each other a year ago, you'd stay away from me and I'd inevitably stay away from you. I can't understand how you can keep hurting me and then claim the ball is in my court. I'm only too willing to forgive but you need to GIVE me an apology and more than just lip service.

You came over to say things were awkward and you wanted to open the lines of communication. I asked you who was the one who said I'd stil be around for you to come back and talk to when you were done with the mess of a girlfriend who told you you couldn't be friends with me. Ok...but you asked me to take your number and call if "I needed." Why? What would I call you for? I don't NEED anything from you. I'm the only one that can make sure my needs are fulfilled. Everything else is just icing and sprinkles. Part of that is my piece - I never realized how much I have craved for my needs to be fulfilled. But don't lock me in that story.

What about what YOU need? If you want to talk to me, why not act for YOU, and not try to act for other people. When you try to act for other people, you patronize them. You told me you pushed me away because I was moving. I told you you made me feel like I was crazy. You nodded and said you were sorry.

You took too MUCH responsibility,. made me feel like that passive victim. As if stuff is just always done to me. And you're happier and wiser and can grandiosely apologize because you just so sympathetically wish I could be happy too.

Well cut it out - you're not just the asshole and I'm not the victim.

You hurt me, but maybe you didn't want what I want. Maybe you didn't feel what I feel. If you did, you couldn't have done what you did. Years ago you responded that "the opposite was true." Yet you still hurt me worse than anyone.

This weekend you were in front of me. And looking at me I looked at you and I swear all that STUFF was there in between us and I wish it wasn't. It felt like blades stabbing into me. I didn't want to be touched that close. Especially for you to remove the knife and just float away.

Do you feel absolved because you apologized? And now you can sleep well knowing that if poor me needs something, I can have someone to call? Of course you couldn't call me because you want to make sure I feel comfortable and let me do what I feel?! STOP DELUDING YOURSELF that you KNOW how to take care of other people. You don't. What kind of gift is that? The best gift you could give me is to do what YOU feel. Call ME if you want to, DON'T, if you don't. Don't do me any favors. I don't NEED anything from you.

but I have wants.

You told me "I KNOW you. I know you had to leave...I didn't want to ...I couldn't have you staying like..."

Well then you DIDN'T know me. You were thinking of your last girflriend. (you nodded when I told you this.) So then, it wasn't about me. It was you convincing yourself it was about me when really it was your idea of me that was distorted and confused with YOU and your ideas from your past.

I'm not your exes. I wasn't about to stay for you. Plus you can't control my decisions. You can say you want me. You can say you want me to stay. You can say you want to be with me. You can say you don't want to be with me, and you can say you don't want to do distance. But allow me the DIGNITY to make my own decisions and choices. Don't flatter yourself that they are so tied to you that if you say what YOU feel and need, that I will buckle to that.

Honor me.

But you didn't. I'm not sure that you can or know how.

And I want. I don't know what I want. I don't want to just say I want YOU. Or that I want that FEELING. (a girlfriend asked - do you want that feeling with him or with anyone?) It's not about a THING, its not about wanting an object or having a tangible desire. I just WANT. That betweenness. BETWEENUS. I can't even rationalize and think my way around it. It was just straight raw feeling. Consuming feeling and being.

And you taunted me with the idea of contact with you, of having "lines of communication open"...the idea of that friendship, that closeness we had, before the mess or before I even returned the romantic feelings. The intimacy back before codependency. Just having someone to talk to and feel close with and share with. WIthout me feeling entangled in them or by them.

I'd forgotten that feeling. I'd forgotten ever having had that or felt that. And how I mourned last night for that feeling. Because in comparison I feel barer, emptier, this big space around me. I have deep emptiness inside me as well, and instead of trying to fill the space outside of me, connecting me to other people, I got tangled up trying to pull everything outside me within. I tried to populate the wrong space ended up losing myself in the midst. Now that I'm healing my insides (an insider job), I haven't noticed the space between myself and others. I'm not ready for that yet. I'm busy healing myself, filling my own outlines. But seeing you reminded me of that space outside myself between me and others. And it seemed so gaping and huge. So cavernous and barren. Because I suddenly remembered what it was like to be close. When I didn't have to focus so much internally, when I was fuller inside and out.

And oh jesus it hurts, because you were there. I remember when you were there. And i really don't think you had even leaked inside. I think it was healthy, for the most part. Us. Despite the fact that individually both of us have stuff. Lots of similar self-abusive stuff.

SO you tried to bestow this great gift of "open communication" which really meant - you get to feel better knowing poor me can call you if I NEED. You asked if I still had your number and I didn't so you put it in my phone. Then you found a funny and awkward way of mentioning you had a "kinda new girlfriend." Flag #1.

I had to ask - how does she feel about you having friends? "We're working on it." Flag #2. Why don't YOU take MY number (did he not just communicate that me calling him wasn't really an option. had we not been through that before??) He hesitated. FLAG #3. RUN, RUN LIKE HELL. (But of course I can't because I'm caught in the gaze. It's by far the strongest adhesive I've ever had contact with.)

He took my number. (He won't use it.) He'll have convinced himself he's done good. He's apologized, he's been the bigger man to take all the responsibility and feel pity for the poor girl who seems to always bear the brunt of it. And now, she knows she can call him if she NEEDS. But of course she can't. I can't. We hug and it feels tense. Not like the feeling I see/feel in the gaze. But like I said, he must not feel what I feel or he couldn't do what he does. Maybe he looks at everyone that way.

I leave the place bleeding from my wounds. Like a faulty nail gun. Posing to put in a nail -- as if to accomplish something productive and practical -- he actually retracts the nail just as soon as it is shot through. Leaving bloody entrails and the sad remains of a failed attempt to make contact. I only wonder if he carries my blood with him or quickly wipes the apparatus clean.


Confession #1300

I wanted your husband because I've known him since we were kids. He's the first one that made me speechless at the sight of him.

I joined a gym without knowing that he was a member. He flirted, made me feel human. And wanted. The more that I ignored him the more he came running to me. Subtle (haha) things, jumping on the machine next to me, wacking me with the towel playfully.

Then I confessed my feelings to him. Then I heard from your son how (when asked by a classmate) why his dad wasn't working out any longer, and he said (without him seeing me) "my mom won't let him."

I wanted his child, but invitro- you know, science can do that these days.

Then I saw how whipped he was and I saw a scared little boy who was so afraid of you that he jumps before you even say anything.

Anybody that is that much of a wimp is NOT the kind of guy that I want nor need. Besides, it's all been a game the whole way, from the start of your marriage. He had a friend (he's the last person your husband should know is is "best friend" even when we were kids. )

People pulled my strings but not any more. And I see people for who they are. The puppetmaster is a pothead that has such a boring life that we were his/her entertainment. He told me you were thinking about becoming engaged when I wrote you that letter. You were - in reality unknown to me - married for a couple of years. And it is those two people (one female, one male) who have undermined your marriage from day one. Why would your husband show you the letter to begin with? That was unnecessary, and I'm sorry he was the one who put that fear in you. Not to mention that I'm sure the people responsible jokingly told you all about me and how I was the butt of everyones' joke.

But I have the last laugh. I feel sorry for you because you don't realize how much you've been played. Why else would your husband keep all of my emails and let you see them if they meant nothing from him. Worse yet, why did he never block my emails?

I realized that one) thank Heaven that we never slept together. He wouldn't have been worth it.

two) I feel young again (you really need to tone down on the makeup). Renewed in spirit, because I am now free.

three) it's kind of pathetic and endearing at the same time, that 6 people would spend so much time, effort and time into how my life was going.

four) I realize that I deserve someone much better. In so many ways and on so many levels.

I wrote you an email telling you how much he loves you. I was being nice. Anybody that would abuse me emotionally like he has done to you may or not deserve you, but he certainly doesn't even enter my radar any longer.

Now as I grab the reigns of my life, I laugh at the irony of it all - riding away with my steed and looking back only to see all of you in my dust. And the mess that you have all made of your own lives. Pity.

Go see "The Fountain," it may just give you a clue

True Wife Confession 129-LZ Aka The Hindenburg

Confession #1281

Sweetheart, I love you, you are my everything! I wish I could give you the confidence you deserve because you are awesome. A wonderful father and a loving husband, I couldn't have asked for more. I was blessed when God gave you to me. We've been through alot, ups and downs but in the end we love each other with all our hearts and souls. I thank God for you and for the boys and want you to know how much I love you, always and forever.

I write this because after reading all these confessions, I realize how truly good I have it. I will always cherish what we have. I Love you!


Confession #1282

Before we got married, my parents warned me that you probably would never be able to support us. I told them they were wrong, and even if they were right, I didn't care, because I could support us. Five years later, I'm beginning to think they were right. And I was wrong... I do care.

Confession #1283

I love you with all of my heart and I understand the type of job that you have. We have only been with each other for 9 months now and within them months we have made so much with each other. We have invested into each other life and understand each other. But, I hate when people ask you “ When are you going to get married” and you look at them like never, why in the hell are we in a relationship if it is not leading up to that. I have supported you and respected your vision with everything that you wanted to do. I have been there for you, but please tell me if we are not working up to that, because I don’t want to waste your time and please don’t waste mine.

Confession #1284

Darling; I love you. We have been with each other for 15 years. I've never
been with anyone else and I want to. I want to feel another man inside me. I
used to be happy that you were my only one. But now I hate it. I want to
know what it is like to be touched by another man. To be loved by him. I
think I want to know what it is like more than I want to be with you. We are
more like room mates than husband and wife. But I have our babies to think
of. That is the only thing that keeps me with you. The first chance I get.
I'm going to find out what it feels like.

Confession #1285

we've been friends for so long now that I can't remember a time when you weren't. I adore you to pieces and I know you feel the same. We also have a 'history' that is becoming more and more a regular part of our present. It's good, and your kisses make my toes curl and every nerve in my body alive, but if I'm being completely honest... when it comes right down to it, you're a selfish lover. I ALWAYS make sure you have a fantastic orgasm. You? You always make sure you do too.
Me? Well, let's just say that today on this thanksgiving day, I'm thankful for my silver bullet... because unlike you, HE always makes sure I'm SATISFIED!

Confession #1286

This morning you were so sweet; cramming your butt into little one's chair to have a 'tea party' with him, singing "Twinkle, twinkle..." with him while you explained the importance of socks too him. These are the days I love you so much!

I wish you would be so patient with me and my fatness. It disappoints me, too, that I keep gaining weight! I do feel bad that I am so fat and feel sorry that you have to have such a big fat wife; but I hope one day to finally get my ass together and lose this lard. I hope that you stick around long enough to appreciate it.

I'm sorry, Honey, I hate it too...

You are such a sweet daddy...

We both deserve so much better!


Confession #1287

I killed the fish. It wasn't mine, I never wanted it, It became my responsiblity after our daughter killed the first one from neglect. I killed it in a very hunane way. I feel tremendous guilt. I was pushed to do it after I saw that you used our strainer to clean its bowl. I can't live, eat, cook, with the same utensisls that you have been using to clean the fish bowl -- and I had no idea you were doing this until I saw pebbles in the strainer. that is just gross, and unhealthy and our health as a family comes first. I asked, sooo many times to find that fish a new home and nobody stepped up. So, now he's dead, and God forgive me. I just can't deal with another responsibility..... I am so very sorry, I feel like shit. Then again, I always feel like shit.

Confession #1288

O I hate walking the dog with you. If I never had to walk the dog with
you again I would throw a party with champagne and little pointy hats.
It is boring, it makes my feet hurt, and it uses up way too much of my
free time. But I do it because it makes you happy, and I don't even
bitch the entire time about how I hate it. I am pleasant and
non-confrontational.

DO NOT THINK THAT MEANS I LIKE IT.

Confession #1289

I've already bought your Christmas present, it's perfect and I know it's exactly what you want. And I know you haven't even given 5 minutes of thought toward what you should get for me. I have a wish list on Amazon, and I drop hints when we are talking about Christmas and somehow it will still be a miracle if I get something I actually really want from you.

Confession #1290

Sometimes I check your email. Not because I suspect anything or think you might be hiding something - just because I know I can. And you know what, there's nothing to find. You get funny jokes from your brother, and sappy forwards from your grandma, and junk mail about ordering new contact lenses. And I love you because there is no porn, no questionable emails from mysterious women, no solicitations from chat rooms, etc. Thank you.

True Wife Confession 128 MB Zip Drive

Confession #1271

No. I don't miss you. I don't miss the constant drama, the feeling like it wasn't really me that you wanted to be with. Since I left, I have been feeling a million times better about myself and life in general. You say you haven't even wanted to "do anything" and that's great if it's really true, but you don't get it. I DO NOT CARE. Go meet up with every skank you can find on the internet, do it till it falls off. I don't care!

Oh, and I figured out your password. So go ahead and lie to me about how much your new job will pay, but the courts don't just take your word for it. Dumbass. And tell your ex-wife I said hi.

Confession #1272

I met you when I was 16 - you know me better than anyone else. That being said, how can you be so clueless as to why I cheated?

I tried to accept the porn addiction as part of the norm of being married - it helped you through my post-partum and while I didn't discover it until months later, clear of the depression and fog, I was at least fortunate that you hadn't become obnoxious.

You also ignored me completely. I was just this person living with you, working full time, taking care of the house and baby. Yes, you helped...but you did absolutely shit about us.

When I found out, we fought and yelled and cried. You promised to give it up. I believed you. What an absolute, naive fucking moron I was. We had another baby...you continued, I let you though I knew about it the entire time.

You degraded me. I degraded me. If I was really beautiful and sexy, you'd want me instead of the porn, right?

THAT'S WHY I FUCKED HIM. Given the opportunity, I'd carry on another half-year affair with another verbally and physically abusive man just to be fucked the way he fucked me. It wasn't all fucking...we actually made love. I'm not even sure you and I ever did that.

I'm glad I left you 7 months ago and I'm glad we're still friends. The biggest thing I can't tell you is how glad I am that the 6 months before I told you I wanted a divorce...is that I tramped myself from bar to bar getting kissed and fucked in all the ways you never saw fit to show me. Too bad -- I'm pretty damn awesome at what I do.

Confession #1273

When I started sleeping in the guest room all I ever wanted was for you to
ask me to come back. Tell me you still loved me.

When you didn't, I started sleeping with someone else. I still wanted you to
ask me to come back.

When I started looking for an apartment, I wanted you to ask me to stay. You
didn't.

Everytime we talked during that period I just wanted you to hold me and tell
me we could work things out and that it would be okay. You never did.

When I got that package with the new mailing lable that told me you were
remarried, I cried. I knew you wouldn't ever ask me to come back.

What did I do wrong, why did you stop loving me, why can't I stop loving
you?


Confession #1274

I love that you make me laugh. I love that you pick your nose when you think I'm not looking. I love that you will carry the heavy things becuase you know it's hard for me to walk. I love that when you start to tell me about something and somehow we veer off topic, you will go back a few minutes later to make your point, becuase God forbid I don't hear your point. I love that you are so generous and kind. I love that you fart at the most inopportune times. I love that you are scatterbrained and distracted and more than a little ADD. I love that you snore like a train going through a tunnel. I love that you love wrestling, even if I think it's fake and pretty stupid. I love that you don't even for split second hesitate to offer me help when I am in a financial mess, even if I don't take the help. I love being mad at you when you do something stupid becuase I know no matter how the petty things make me feel, I will never leave you over them. I LOVE that we are getting married. I love that you are so imperfect, and I think most of all, I love that I can be imperfect and still, even when I am whiny and moody and irresponsible, you love me too.

Confession #1275

Every time I think that there is a possibility that this marriage will work, you slap me in the face with the reality that it never, ever will.



Here's a hint, you clueless fuck, when you're disrespectful, demoralizing and degrading you aren't going to get laid. Not at home anyway.



Here's another hint you ignorant bastard, when you act like a jackass and continue to do the same ignorant shit over and over again you aren't going to get any dinner either.



When you can act like a husband, I'll act like a wife.

Confession #1276

I know I’m going to lose my father soon. None of us talk about it much and that’s fine with me—I don’t want to spend all my time going on about it, I’d rather enjoy the time we have.

You were very kind, the day I broke down, offering to hold me while I cried. I know this is what a great husband does. I just wish in this one way that you were less perceptive, or less interested in sharing. I don’t want anyone to see me when I feel that way. Not you, not anyone. I don’t like seeing myself, and it makes me feel so much worse when I’m seen by someone else.

I understand what you said about wanting to share in my life. And I held you last year when you cried for your grandfather, and it didn’t make me think any less of you, of course—it even made me feel closer to you, and I can see that this is what you want from me right now.

I just find it really hard to give it. And I’m kind of pissed off that although it’s my dad who is ill, I’m the one who has to be giving here. I need, need, need some privacy to deal with this. It has nothing to do with you. Maybe I can tell you about it later when we know how the story ends.

Confession #1277

This morning, I smiled at you. I said "Good Morning Honey". You said nothing. You walked into the other room.

That is when I understood. I am not in love with you anymore. Sure, we maintain a home and a family, but the spark is gone. I can't even remember a time when it was there.

Then I think, am I wanting too much? Is this what every marriage becomes? Two people living in the same house, raising children, becoming strangers?

I don't know. I don't know what will become of us. But, this is why I think of my last love before you. I want someone to look at me with desire, with passion, with wonder. And you don't look at me with any of those things anymore.

Confession #1278

My confession is that I do not thank you nearly often enough. Thank you for cooking. Thank you for cleaning. Thank you for doing so much with our kids, for supporting me emotionally and financially while I go through college. Thank you for putting up with my moods and indulging the cravings I get with PMS every month. Thank you for being understanding that I get bitchy when I'm tired, and loving me anyway. Thank you for thinking I'm beautiful even when I'm not, and loving me even when I'm not acting particularly lovable. Thank you for being my husband. I love you, and I don't tell you so nearly often enough.

Love, me

Confession #1279

To all the wives, girlfriends, etc., I pose a question and a confession.

Why are all of our guys signing up for these random sex/dating websites? Worse, how is it that we all know that they are?

I found out a while back (because I too checked his account without his knowledge) and found out he was registered on such a site. After figuring out his sign on/user id, I found he'd registered for many of these websites with the same name/email, all as single, looking for fun, even sex, etc. And he too hadn't just registered and looked, he emailed and chatted with various other women (heck, they might even be men--how does he know??). My world came crashing down on me. Now not only do I not trust him, I'm constantly monitoring his usage of these sites. I thought I should just end the relationship, but after reading our confessions, I'm starting to wonder if its an epidemic. It seems they're all doing it, while we ladies are busy invading their privacy to make sure they're faithful and crushed to find out they're cyber cheating.

Husbands (and wives too if you're doing it), it is cheating. It's one step below adultery. Talk to us and tell us what you're missing.

Wives, we should stop stalking and start trusting. Today I stop cold turkey and will talk to him to see what needs fixed. If it can't be fixed and he won't stop, I'm gone. But I can't be all high and mighty when I'm violating his privacy. It's a never ending circle.

Confession #1280

Tonight, buddy, you put the last nail in the coffin of our marriage. When you screamed at our daughter to "shut the fuck up", and when I tried to tell you to calm down, you came after me. You grabbed me by the arm, and pulled and dragged me from the kitchen table. You were pulling and dragging me and screaming that I was a "fat, lazy, selfish bitch" and you were trying to push me into our daughters room.

At first, I was in shock. You have never put your hands on me, and as I twisted and squirmed, and you shoved me towards the door, I could hardly believe that this was happening. I yelled for you to stop it, to take your hands off of me, and when I finally got my arm free, I shoved you as hard as I could in your chest. I told you to leave. Leave the house. You asked how the fuck I planned on making you. I told you I would call the police and have you removed. And you said if I did that it would be "the last fucking thing I did".

Our daughter was screaming from her bedroom for you to stop it, for you to leave mommy alone. And that is when I decided that can not stay married to you. You have become a bully and a sick man. And yes, I am planning on leaving...again. But I have to stay for awhile, to get things ready. To get my life in order and untangled from yours. You have successfully made sure that I am dependant on you financially.

And I sent emails to my friends telling them...and including pictures of the bruises on my arm...

So go ahead, mother fucker. I'll keep up the picture of perfect marriage for a little while longer, but I will clean you the fuck out at our divorce. And sure - go ahead and kill me, I've made sure that enough people know about this that they will take you down.

My wedding rings are off for good.

True Wife Confession 127 Corridor...Worlds longest Yard Sale

Confession #1261

I do my best to keep a smile glued to my face when you're here, but inside I'm counting the minutes until you go. And when you go ... I get out my vibrator and bring my body back to life. I've gotten so good at faking, you never have a clue, and sometimes I almost fool myself. The hell of it is, when we were dating you seemed to care whether or not I experienced pleasure. Now all you care about is pushing my head down to your crotch so that YOU feel good, and the hell with me. So, how'd you like it the other night when I got MY pleasure and then (pretended to) fall asleep while you rolled over all frustrated? How'd you like that taste of your own medicine? Not a lot of fun was it honey? Like I said, you used to seem to care if I felt good or not. Was that just an act to get what you wanted? Maybe those escorts you keep blowing money on put up with that crap, but I won't.

Confession #1262

Sweetie, when I am telling you a story...I don't want your opinion. I want you to listen to the story, not tell me how to fix it, or what is wrong with my friends, or your take on how petty I am for being interested in "gossip". Just listen to the Story!!!

Confession #1263

The doctor told me recently that I might have cancer. Although it would certainly explain why I feel so awful, I can't get in for a biopsy until January. When I complained the other night that I wasn't feeling so good, you asked me again what day my appointment has been scheduled. I would love to think you were concerned about me and worried that I would be suffering until then, but I know you were really trying to figure out how long before I'll be in the mood for sex again. Oh yes, your daily ejactualtioons are so much more important than your wife's possible cancer. Sometimes I fucking hate you.

Confession #1264

I know you don't understand my relationship with my mother. Hell, I barely understand my relationship with my mother. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not defend her when I get off the phone and am frustrated or pissed off about something. Just accept that it is complicated and nothing like the relationship you have with your family. Rational has nothing to do with this!!

Confession #1265

Baby, I love you. From the very first day we started going out, my love and appreciation has grown. I love learning about you, your interests, your dreams, your logic and intelligence. The more I learn, the more interested I become. You are not the best looking guy, but I would chose you over Brad Pitt anyday.

When we have sex, it is like you and only you belong inside of me. You know me that well. You are so much more to me than just 'the man I love'. You are my best friend, someone I admire and look up to for guidance. I am proud to have someone like you by my side.

Even my family can see how good you are. My father called you a 'fine, young gentleman' the other day, and I swelled with pride, because I know he spoke the truth.

My confession is this: I want nothing more in the world than to be able to spend the rest of my life by your side. I am devoted to you, and I don't care if we never walk down that isle. All that matters is that I can be there sharing a wonderful journey with you.


Confession #1266

I'm sorry I'm so undesireable that you have resorted to the porn thing again. What can I do? I'm going to the gym. I'm back in therapy. I'm sorry. Heaven help me if you're exchanging emails again.

Confession #1267

Let me say this ONE MORE TIME.

I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU.

What don't you understand about that? I haven't and I won't, as that's not the type of person I am and never will be.

But, to be totally honest, if someone thinks that their wife is cheating, don't you think they'd be doing everything in their power to keep the wife happy so she won't stray? I've known that you thought this for quite a while but what's so sad is that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. You're still selfish, you still think only of yourself and what you want, you don't do anything thoughtful for me or the kids, you don't spend any time with us, you do nothing to make me not want to cheat!

Do you want this marriage to last or not? You are slowly but surely pushing me to that point. I can't live like this any more, being under a constant cloud of suspicion and not doing a damn thing to deserve it, as well as not being treated like a loved wife, a friend, someone who's cherished. Throw in the fact that you don't want to do anything with our kids and it's a dealbreaker.

Sad.

Confession #1268

You complain about how much money I spend on our child's clothes, but I also know how secretly proud you are when other parents comment about how mice she looks, or ask you where we got that outfit.

Confession #1269

I want you so desperately.
After 13 years. I still want you. I still feel butterflies.
I want you so bad it hurts.

Why can't you want me?
All the other guys want me. Try to have affairs with me. Fall in love with me.
I want to love them. I want to want them.

I can't cheat. I have too much integrity.
I can't leave because it hurts so much.

Why can't you just want me?
You say you want me...why do you lie?

Confession #1270

I had plans to leave you until last night. Last night as a couple we found out that I have breast cancer. An aggressive cancer. I saw the man in you that I had always known was there but you never let him out, until last night when you held me as I cried. Last night you made me feel safe within your arms for the first time in over a year. You made me believe that we could confront this together, as a couple, as a husband and wife, and defeat it, we could win. You turned into my hero last night, my rock, and I told you so. Thank you.

Flippin the Script

All right. I can't tell you how much I have loved all of the stories. Seriously. I was in my Curriculum Ideologies class last night laughing HARD with a friend as we read through these again.

In the interest of "fair and balanced", let's here the stories of the moment when they got you. You know what I mean.

The hook. The line. The sinker and she's reeled in!

It's only fair that I start out with mine, right?

For the first boyfriend, it was his leather jacket. God, he smelled so good. And he was funny. And maybe a little dangerous. (OK, OK - I liked bad boys...)

The next one, oh, he was a quiet one. He put his time in and his groundwork was amazing. I barely knew that I was being snagged until I was head over heels in love, even though he drove a Camero ( which I called the Disco sled). To this day, I think he could make my heart leap were I to see him.

And then there is Terrance. Smelled good...Hell Yes. Older? Yep. But the moment? He had asked me to go to a friend of his wedding for our first "real" date. All right, seems honorable enough. He has to pick me up at 7 in the morning to get to the part of the state where the wedding is being held.

I open the door and he is standing there is a Beautiful suit (with snakeskin shoes) holding a bag and a Large cup of tea. He says, "It's really early and I thought you would be hungry, so I brought you a croissant and tea. You look amazing, by the way."

I was a goner.

Spill the gushiness...

Let's play a game....

In the spirit of the almost holidays, I decree we all need to laugh a bit more.

I started this on I am Doing the Best I Can, and it still makes me laugh every time I read them. As I am in the midst of finals, I need to laugh, Friends. Else I will be digging a nest into the Education library and hibernating for the next several months.

Yes, the moments during a budding "relationship" when you know it is D-O-N-E. Of course, alot of the ones I detailed on my blog were the moments during sex when the guy Lost me. Just Lost me. You know, smacking your ass at the WRONG moment. Or being too "Toothy". Or wearing socks. Or the guy who told me over drinks how he needed to have a great blow job in which the woman swallowed in order to have a truly satisfying sexual experience. Thanks for the info, Next!

Soooooo, Friends, Romans, Countrywomen (and men too - I know you are out there reading), Lend me your tales of doom.

True Wife Confession 126, the last Magic Number in Physics

Confession #1251

im so glad that i got to talk to you tonight. its always a pleasant treat when i get to see you unexpectedly. we cooked dinner tonight and i told you about the new orleans trip. i found out tonight exactly what trust means. i told you about the girls at the bar tonight. i told you that i liked the attention, which is true. i know im not always the best at sharing my feelings. but tonight i really feel like it didnt matter what i said, you just knew what i was saying, and somehow found another branch of me to accept and love. i was afraid to share what happened to you. i know this probably sounds ridiculous, but you have to remember... im just getting used to being with my soulmate. i was transparent with you and you understood. i think what you shared with me was much more than that though. you shared with me the fear of being transparent. i was honest and you embraced my emotions as your own. i could only hope you know that i would do exactly that for you. you must know that i would never cheat on you. when i said you filled my "love tank", i meant you quenched my every imaginable thirst. more than that, you satisfied me and continued on to enrich me and build me up. the love i have for you is simply amazing to me day after day. is there temptation? its all around me...but you consume me and im left with no hunger for these things whatsoever. im also not upset that the power went off at the dorm. slipping into bed with the warm center of my every thought and heartbeat is the stuff that dreams are made of. my dreams come true when i am sleeping next to you. i am thankful for you for every day, and every day you make me more thankful.

Confession #1252

The Pastor at church wants to meet with me, but I don’t think I will. I truly love you, I really do. However, I can’t see myself going back with you. It really breaks my heart to say that. You have no idea. I go home and cry at night –when I don’t break down during the day. I just can’t take it anymore. I deserved to be treated nicely or at least with a tiny bit of respect. I take excellent care of the kids, I take pretty good care of my house, I take pretty good care of whatever animals we have. I’ve never done any of the horrible things I was accused of doing – truly. I have NEVER cheated on you – either while we were married or before. It has been years since I went out with anyone else. I don’t play mind games. I am pretty basic, I think. I need more than you are able to share with me at this point in your life. Looking back, we shouldn’t have gotten married just because we were expecting our son. It was a poor way to start a marriage – especially since you didn’t trust me from the get-go. You chose to believe those horrible people you used to work with - the ones that were nice to my face and trashed me to you behind my back. I am thrilled we have such wonderful children. They are pretty neat people. Our son is my special prince. Our daughter is my she-devil.



I’ll always remember the first time we made love as husband and wife. I complemented you and you said that you performed well because you wanted to make sure I didn’t cheat. I should have taken action then and not waited….my heart wouldn’t be as battered and bruised as it is.

Confession #1253

Although I sometimes complain about it, I don't really mind so much when you don't come to bed right away. It gives me a chance to get some sleep before you come in and hog the covers and snore and fart on me and stuff.

I do like having you around. A lot. But I like my sleep too.

Confession #1254

Stop reading all those websites that collaborate
stories on how awful corporations are being to the
little man. It's just a bunch of angry dorks who
don't try and be smart and you get upset when I point
out that their own stupidity worked against them and
that corporations very rarely care that much to spend
time and energy on one little customer.

It only makes you angry about the world and us annoyed
with eachother for no reason.

And stop bitching so much about the government- you
didn't vote.

And please turn into an adult. Maintaining your
childhood pleasures is fine- on an occasional basis.
Watching cartoons on a daily basis doesn't give me an
impression that you want to grow up.

Confession #1255

I know about the pill you stashed in your wallet ... even after promising me you wouldn't ... and I removed it. I know about the money hidden there too. And I know why you hide money. The hell of it is, it doesn't freak me out anymore, I don't spend hours crying over it after you've left, I don't call my best girlfriend to cry on her shoulder either. I guess you've done it so many times that it no longer shocks me. I've come to expect nothing more from you.

There are no words for the depth of the pain your betrayals have caused me. But I also recognise that life is full of compromises, and sometimes we all have to settle for less than we want in order to have what we need.

You see, your secret life isn't a secret anymore, but I have my own secrets, and I'm so much better at hiding them than you. You can continue to try hiding your betrayals, and I will continue uncovering them. It's the sad, sick game we've become locked in, you and I. It's a game with no winners. I suppose we'll both just keep losing until there's nothing left.

Just remember ... you made the rules of this game.

Confession #1256

Thank God it is duck season again. I love you but it's nice to see you making plans to get out of my hair. I know some wives bitch and moan about it but hey it's only 2 months and you are home by noon anyways. See how good you've got it.

Confession #1257

You were right. I was having an affair. For more than two years and you didn't notice because we're all so busy, mostly you. You are so very busy. You didn't notice until I made a small blunder that made you suspect. Not know, only suspect.

About then you said something like "I only hope you like me more than him," in a small voice that I hadn't heard before--at that moment I knew it really was over with the other guy. I denied it, of course. Cowardice on my part, certainly--but also I made the denial because you deserved not to get hurt.

The affair happened because he was a friend (not someone you know, thank god) and I'm bored and you're busy (did I mention that?) and our sex is no great shakes. We've been together 25 years, married 21. There are the kids and the mortgage and the animals. But all of that's not why I'm staying. It's because I'd be a fool to leave someone like you. You still make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I wish I could tell you about the pain of leaving him. I still feel alone and sad. I wish I could tell you about the guilt I felt. But saying anything would be selfish beyond belief, perhaps even more selfish than the act of infidelity. Because you and I are basically okay. As usual. As always. And at least now I get what happened with you all those years ago when you strayed.

Confession #1258

I will lose 40 pounds like you told me too and then I will dump your ass


Confession #1259

Hey husband,

When did you become such a DICK?
Seriously!!!!


Confession #1260

I love you, I really do but I am 22 yrs old. Marriage
has turned out to be so very different to the way I
imagined it would be. I used to be so sure of myself,
confident and beautiful, I felt like the world was
mine and I could do and achieve anything I wanted to.

I have now realised that I dont feel that way anymore,
I havent for a while and I hate the way I am feeling.
I have found that there are so many things I feel I
cant share with you(and dont want to share with you),
>so many things you dont understand about the way I
feel. We dont want the same things in life and I think
that is a huge problem.

I want so much more then the life I am living now and
I dont want to have regrets in my life. I want to be
some of the person I was before marrying you. I love
you, honestly I do, but I want to be ME! I want to
keep my own secret throughts hidden from you and I
want to keep a piece of my heart for me. I dont want
to give you everything and I dont want to feel like I
dont exist.

The funny thing is that I cannot imagine being
satisfied without you. You are so special to me, I
just want you to understand me more. I want you to be
more like me....

True Wife Confession 125cc Sports bikes

Confession #1241

Husband when it is my day off of work do not come home for a 3 hour break. Yes it is great that your job is so flexible but damn it is my day off. I don't want you home taking over the TV and the whole house. I want to clean or sleep or whatever without you being around. Go to work already.

Confession #1242

Here is my confession:

Dear Hubby,
Everytime I have a really great TWC to write; a juicy one describing how inconsiderate you are, how much you don't appreciate me and ignore all my needs and wants. But then, you do the most incredible things. You buy me dinner because I'm tired and I don't want to cook. You cook dinner both days of the weekend without me having to ask. You do the dishes, buy me flowers and tell me how much you appreciate all I do around the house for the family, all without me having to drop even a hint. Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. But there is no one else on this Earth who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you!

Confession #1243

This morning, when you made me laugh - out of the blue - by being silly? Those are the moments that I fall in love with you again.

Confession #1244

I've never told your mom to shut up, but I really want to.

Confession #1245

Friend to friend –

I will never divulge another secret of mine to you ever. Ever. My trust in you is completely gone. For good.


Confession #1246

I'm sorry I hurt the way I did. You never gave me a reason to cheat on you. It's just that you were not the man I intended to marry. I can't lie you have always made sure the children and I have all that we needed. You have always made it a point to make me feel the best that I can, when we are together but still I miss the way he would say good morning to me, how he smells. Did you ever stop to think why I asked you to change cologne. So, you could smell like him,and all i had to do was close my eyes and image him there with me instead of you.

You have forgiven me, and I thank you every day for that. I realized I was wrong in doing what I did. Let's make this new year coming the best one we have ever had.

I LOVE YOU.

Confession #1247

Sweetie, when people make that face at you, it's because you are talking to fast. We live in the South. People don't talk that fast here. I can understand you only after seven years of practice. Slow down, okay?

Confession #1248

They are your kids. Yes, they really are. Don't ever suggest otherwise, again. I will ask for DNA testing if you do. I remember having that conversation a long time ago. I promised I'd leave if you ever brought up my alleged promiscuity again. You cried and I thought you were sincere. Remember that? All of that crap really built up because it never stopped. I can't stop thinking how much you disliked me in order to say the stuff you've said to me. The relief you must have felt when I moved out.

Confession #1249

I owe you my life. Without the years of being there for me at 3 am when i
could barely talk, i would be dead, or worse. I could be the same broken
child i was when you met me (and you loved me anyway.)

I can't believe you still love me.

I don't know if we can keep this, but i would do anything and everything for
you. I'm scared of giving up my future. I'm scared that I'll make the worst
mistake of my life either way.
But nothing scares me more than losing you.

I guess we'll find out.

Confession #1250

To my "ex" man:

You really thought you had pulled the okey-doke on me, didn't you? You had it all, a nice home, friends, everything. I was the woman who helped you take care of your exwife's child support issues, your IRS issues, etc. I was the one that helped you clean up your credit on the promise that once it was done, we'd take care of mine. I allowed you to tell MY kids that you were the only "daddy" they had ever had, and they could call you for anything. Then you cheated. But what was worse was you cheated and lied and made ME feel like I was losing MY mind. I knew something was going on, but all you could say is I was crazy. Really? I'm crazy for thinking something is up when your dumb stupid ass wasn't coming home until 1 or 2 in the morning if at all? You know, it took a long time to let you go emotionally. But I've done it- so while you still, 5 years later, try to call and send all these nice text messages to me everyday on the phone SHE pays for- you have no idea I'm gone emotionally. I wouldn't give a rats ass if you left her TODAY- there's no way in hell I'd ever get back with you. It would be different if you had played the game different and not humiliated me running around town with that beast of a woman where all my friends and coworkers saw you when I knew nothing. It would be different if you knew how to fuck right. But you don't. So keep giving me money, keep bringing me lunch, keep doing for my kids- it's payback.

To "Her":

You know, there are many things I could say to you- but the one main thing is this- you wanted that mother fucker and now you have him. And it's funny as HELL that you are NOW having the same problems with his bitch ass that I did. Boy, I tell ya- that Karma is a bitch, huh?

If I were one of your few friends, I'd tell you that try as you might, you can't buy a man. You also can't get mad at him because he's out there fucking around on YOU- know why? You didn't have any problems when he was doing it with you, did you? Oh no, you thought that shit was cute, didn't you? He had an entire fucking wardrobe at your house before I made his cheating lying ass leave- what kind of fucked female are you? Who does that? I mean, don't get me wrong- you look like a man- with makeup- but that's here nor there. I think it's hilarious that you have gotten in enormous debt trying to 'buy' him into staying with you....please. Girl, he does not want you and never really has- he ONLY moved in with you because I put him out. Had I not done that? He'd still be in my house. Girlfriend, catch a clue and get some self esteem. You give females a bad name.

True Wife Confessions 124 Application for Australian Citizenship

Confession #1231

Even though you have caught me deceiving you in the past, and I have apologized over and over again, swore that it would never happen, I think about it happening again all the time. I think about men I meet at work and friends from home. I think about how I can be sneaky enough this time to get away with it. I love you so much, but I can't help wanting the pleasure from someone else. To wrap my legs around someone else and have him enter me...even the very thought gets me more wound up than you could do in a life time.

I'm sorry I feel this way. I love you so much. I want to have your children and grow old with you. I just want them too.


Confession #1232

Sometimes when I am mad at you and you go to take your shower, I turn all the faucets to hot and flush the toilets just to give myself some satisfaction, and it works because when you get out of the shower, I am not mad anymore.

Confession #1233

You tell your friends that you think I'm going to leave you. Yet, you do nothing to prevent me from wanting to leave. We've had discussions many times about what's going on in our relationship and I've told you very plainly what I need from you. But, you choose to do nothing. It makes me wonder why. Do you want me to take our kids and leave? Do you want to be alone? Do you want to be able to do what you want to do to your heart's content without worrying about what I'm thinking?

It's sad. You deal with things by ignoring them and hoping that they'll go away and that's what you're doing with me and have done for all the years we've been together. But, in this instance, by ignoring me, it will eventually make me go away.

Do you realize in the entire time we've been together that you've never once told me that you think I'm pretty or sexy or complimented me on anything? I feel like a dried up sponge and can't take it anymore. My selfworth is in the negative state and it would certainly help if I thought that my husband was proud of me, thought I was pretty and sexy and appreciated me, but I don't. I don't feel like I can ever come up to your unrealistic standards and never will.

Confession #1234

Very simply...

I am a woman
Married to a man that is bipolar and verbally abusive
I am in love with a women that I've had a relationship with for 3 years.

You moved us 3 states away from her but it doesn't change the fact
I will always love her
I will always need her
I will one day be with her.

I can't divorce you because I'm afraid you will go off the deep end and hurt yourself
I can't divorce you because I do love you but I'm not in love with you
I can't divorce you after everything I've put you through
I can't divorce you because I finally figured out I'm a lesbian - it would destroy you.

We're trying to make a new life in our new state.
We don't know anyone and you are so antisocial we probably never will
We will pretend to be happy
We will fight when you have yet another manic episode.

I will stand by you and take care of you
I will continue our sex life and fake climaxes to make you feel accomplished
I will make dinner, clean our house and keep you as happy as I can
I will continue to long for her....

Confession #1235

I truly believe you never wanted a wife but wanted a 2nd mother.

Confession #1236

Telling me that I "smell" is a sure fire way to make sure we don't have sex. And yes, of course I showered today.

Confession #1237

I will not be attending any of your families functions voluntarily. I am so embarrassed we had to borrow money again.

Confession #1238

I am not a leech. I am not a piece of shit. I am not a bitch. I am not a train wreck.I am a beautiful, loving, kind, creative person. I have spent the past three years taking your shit because of our baby boy. You tell me..."oh, I used to be just like you." Um, you used to be living at your Mom's on a drug cocktail because you could not cope. I am nothing like YOU. I have lived my life to the fullest until I met you and you sucked all of the life and spirit out of me. You drink, oh how you drink. You abuse me verbally and then make me feel like it is my fault. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this position.I don't even know what is real anymore. I am caught up in your web of bullshit. I hate who I am when I am with you. I just do not have the guts to leave. I am afraid of being a single Mom. I lost my Mom and I don't want my baby boy to lose his Mom to this turmoil. I want him to have a family. A Mom and a Dad. A family. Some family. No matter what I do I am screwed. Trapped.

Confession #1239

I can't believe how fucking stupid I was...letting my loneliness get the best of me. I sought you out, you came running like it's your first piece of ass and it was the lamest fuck ever. I got a yeast infection. Oh, since then you've proved yourself a great lover. But, a selfish one. You want it when you want it. You text me, you tell me you love me, you miss me and all that other good stuff. Yet, I never know where I stand with you. I told you I loved you just so you'd keep coming back for more. I don't love you, hell I hardly know you. I should have known better picking some young kid who is not experienced in life, who wants the best of both worlds. Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I have a wonderful life with great kids and awesome husband but yet I can't seem to get you out of my mind. But, I'm not playing this game. It's over. I can't risk my married life which is secure with a kid who doesn't know his ass from his shoulders. It's been fun but not real fucking fun. Grow up.

Confession #1240

From a Man
to the ladies at twc:

please please PLEASE stop with the self-pitying and sad, "I can't lose the baby weight, so if I tell you I look like Sara Ramirez enough times you'll start to believe it."

True Wife Confession 123, Not so easy as

Confession #1221

Dear husband;

I once loved you, rather, I do love you, but not like I should. I love
you because you are the father of my children. However, I can't put
anymore into this 10 year marriage, I can't. I have started seeing a
therapist because my life is slowly crashing down on me. I love him,
not you. I want to be with him, not you. Yet I can't leave because of
the kids, it would kill me.

I'm slowly killing myself inside because i'm torn. I don't hide you
from him, you know all about him, but what you don't know is how much
I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. How he
wraps me in his arms and kisses my forehead and tells me "Everything
will be okay, baby." How when I lie in bed with him it's like heaven.
I've never felt like this before, but yet I can't leave you. I haven't
slept with you since I met him 2 years ago.

You do everything for me, you treat me like a goddamn princess and all
I want you to do is shut me out...kick me out, anything, but you
don't. You still love me as much as that day when we said "I do." I
wish I could say the same.

I've lost myself, yet when i'm with him I have my strength back and
I'm the person I used to be. I love the person I am when i'm in his
presence, because i've found me. I'm sad when i'm not with him, I know
you see that. He has not once judged me for what i've done, or what
i'm doing. He wants to be with me too and I know it frustrates him
that i'm still here living under the same roof as you.

Please, please let me go.....that's all i'm asking.

Confession #1222

You're selfish. You don't think about anyone but yourself. Yes, you do provide for the family but that's about it. You spend no time with your kids or with me. You think that because you "work so hard" that that entitles you to sit in front of the tv most of the time you're home. Your kids are dying for some attention from you and they would love to spend time with you.

We've talked and talked and talked and it all comes back to nothing changing. I've told you what I need, to feel loved by you, to feel appreciated, to think sexy, to think that you might actually want to spend time with me. Nothing has changed and it's sad. I don't expect much and maybe that's the problem. I've expected and gotten so little from you in the past that to you, this is ok. It's not. How hard would it be to think of someone other than yourself for once? You have a family and you need to think of them sometimes. It's not all about you, despite what you seem to think.

We won't be here forever if things don't change. It's sad that it's taken me this long to realize that how you've been acting for as long as I've known you isn't ok. I deserve more and our kids deserve more. They deserve a father who wants to spend time with them, wants to do things with them, wants to be in their lives and wants to make them a priority. I deserve a husband who acts like he loves me, who makes me feel pretty and sexy, who tells me that he's proud of me for my accomplishments, who makes me a priority in his life.


Confession #1223

Yesterday I read your email (duh! change your password or if you're going to be doing this, create a new account!) and found a "response to your profile" posted on that gross "dating/sex" site. So I went and signed up for that site so I could search for your profile. Sure enough, I found it and what I read disgusts me. You signed up for the site, and posted a profile about how all you want is just sex - the language you used was very vulgar. It hurts me because we do have a lot of sex. I'm way smarter than you; you will never be able to get away with things like this with me. The day last week you got home early - I know you lied about what time you got home (but I don't know why). The pictures you took of yourself - I've seen them. You've set your browser to record no history, yet you don't delete cookies. You will not get away with anything.

2 hours after signing up for that site, I got an email stating someone had responded to my profile (which was totally fake, by the way).....it was YOU, wanting to see a picture of me. I was shocked, but I did not respond. I don't know if I will. Because getting angry about it at all makes me a hypocrite since I haven't been entirely faithful either--but at least for me, it is about so much more than just sex. I have not had sex with anyone else, but I've wanted to because of how they make me feel emotionally.

We're in trouble. I love you a lot, and I want us to be happy especially for our children, but we both obviously need things we are not getting from each other. We are in trouble and it scares me. I'm scared of the honesty that will be required if we confront this. I'm terrified of what will happen if we don't.

Confession #1224

You're right -- I really am not at all interested in having sex with you ever again. You're a lazy lover who has no interest in his partner's satisfaction. Who in their right mind would want to have sex with that kind of lover?

And you're right about something else -- I have no interest in sleeping in the same bed with you ever again. You snore and you move around a lot, and those things wake me up and KEEP me awake. I get really cranky when I'm kept awake like that. Neither one of us needs that.

So I confess. You're right on both counts. But to tell you that and have you hold it over my head? No way.

Confession #1225

I really must confess that I could be alot nicer, and lot happier if you'd just carry your own weight. You are 37 years old. You are good at math. You can surely figure out that if you don't have money to fix your boat, motorcycle, or truck it is because you need to GET

A JOB! Duh! Just quit your belly aching, get a job and don't sit there and complain once you get a job. It is a job. It you enjoyed it, it would be a hobby and they wouldn't have to pay someone to do it. Life is not that complicated. I am sick of either being a b*tch or martyr.

Confession #1226

I love you, and I love your family. But I find it infuriating that
your mother calls me only to complain. Mostly about your dad, and
when I have input or a tiny complaint about you--in effort to "dish"
or have an actual two way conversation--I get informed that you are SO
much easier to deal with than your dad. And that's because of her.
Of course. And then she's right back to her rant. I can appreciate
that in your all-male family, your mother now feels like she finally
has someone to listen to her. But I am seriously at the end of my
rope. I am in medical school, yet she'll still call, and I tell her
I'm studying, and she still drones on for an hour. Seriously, next
time she calls, do NOT give me the phone.

Confession #1227

You've broken my heart in a million pieces. I ache.

Confession #1228

My Sweet,

I would never have been a lover to you. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you either. I shouldn't have bared my heart and soul to you. I was too young, you were old enough to know better. I am still too young, still too in love with you. Why did you let this happen? Why me?

I have to say good-bye to you, and I don't know how. This friendship doesn't Compare to what we had and it will never be the same again. You are married and I'm left here to rot.

I don't wish you to be in hell. I just wish to find happiness and forgiveness for myself.

Good-bye.

Confession #1229

I really hate your job. But what I hate even more is that you don't care that I hate it. You don't care that we're broke because you make shit money. You don't care that you're home maybe 2 evenings out of every week. You don't care that you work every Saturday. You don't care that I'm miserable because I have to have a job I HATE just so you can have a "career" that doesn't pay jack and has high school kid hours. I wouldn't dream of giving you the ultimatum "me or your job," because truly, I'm not sure which you would choose.

Confession #1230

My being sick does not equal you being sick. It is possible for one person to be sick without the spouse automatically being sick. I know you find this hard to believe, because as soon as you know I am sick, you start laying the groundwork for your own "Illness" days later.

Oh, and I understand you don't want to "catch" what I have, but running after me and wiping down the phone and handles I touch with rubbing alcohol, or the bed with Lysol? Makes me unreasonably angry. I don't have the fucking avian flu, I just have a cold. Deal with it.

True Wife Confession 122 Performance Space

Confession #1211

i know when i left you i made the right decision. i did what was best for me. you turned me into someone i didn't like. you belittled me, made me feel unimportant, didn't want to put any effort into us EVER. you crushed my self esteem and it's been over a year and i'm still not who i used to be before YOU came along.

a mere three months after i left, i heard you already had another girlfriend, while i'm still alone over a year later. even though i don't miss you and i know i did the right thing, it still pisses me off when i hear that you treat her better than you ever did me. why did i not deserve to be treated well by you? i did everything for you, i put up with so much shit, i tried to make our relationship better. i tried until i couldn't anymore and after that the only thing i tried to do was make you as miserable as i was. why, a year later, does it still make me jealous to think of you with her, to think of you treated her the way i'd always wished you'd treated me? it still gets to me that you've already found someone, that you're happy, and i'm still here, miserable and alone. waiting for someone better than you to come along (and sometimes wondering if i made a mistake, because maybe there is nobody better). i hate you for making me hate myself. and i hate you for telling her she's beautiful and how much you love her every day. i hate you because i still have enough feelings left for you to hate you.

Confession #1212

I love the fact that you cooked and cleaned, but I
wish you'd put bad food from the fridge in a sealed
plastic bag instead of dumping it in our trash as is.

Our entire apartment smells like the dumpster and you
still haven't figured out why yet. Sometimes I wish
you'd use common sense instead of needing me to bitch
it into you - over and over again

Confession #1213

I can't confide in you, and I hate it.

If I tell you something that upsets me, you get upset too, and you yell when you're upset.

If I tell you something that worries me, you'll get worried, too, so much that you won't sleep.

I never asked you to take on my burdens. I just want you to be supportive and help me work through them. By taking them on yourself, you create bigger problems, and that's twice the shit I have to deal with!


Confession #1214

To my soon to be ex husband
I don't know if I ever really loved you like a wife should love her husband. I honestly now think I only married you because I didn't think anyone else would want me. You did so many things to hurt our relationship while we were dating and then after we got married and you wonder why I want a divorce. You quit a well paying job because you said didn't get along with your boss 10 months before our wedding. Instead of looking for a job you sat around watching tv and hung out with your friends until I threatened to call off the wedding THEN you got a crappy job making half of what you were while I was busting my ass to pay for the wedding.
We found out I was pregnant a week after our wedding. You were so excited but yet again quit your job. Instead of looking you were online constantly talking to young girls until I caught you and you LIED to my face. You didn't even look for a new one until I was taken out of work by the doctor. Then only found something parttime. Who did you think was going to pay for the baby stuff when I was not allowed to work????? You helped out with our beautiful daughter while our son was in the hospital, and then that all changed when he came home. I told you that if things didn't change I was leaving you, and you really didn't think I would did you?
Your mom took you in and of course you told everyone how horrible I was to unfairly leave you. Can I just say F You buddy! I put up with your crap for wayyyyyyy too long and now that mom is gone you think I will take you back. FORGET IT! You went around bitching to your friends that I wouldn't work when in fact I couldn't go to work because our son needed around the clock care. But anything to make you look better to your friends right? I really feel sorry for any woman who gets involved with you because no matter how much you say you have changed, you really haven't.
The sex was good in the beginning but then you started saying you weren't in the mood, you would turn down my advances. You are a total fool..plenty of men want someone like me in their bed, and I have found a wonderful man who gives me what I want and actually has a sex drive to match mine.

Confession #1215

I don't love you and I have never loved you. In THAT way. I love you like a dear friend. I have a soft spot in my heart for you, because I believe your heart is good. I married you because I wanted to take care of you, help you have a good life, because I felt like, without me, you would have ended up in a bad place. You had such a hard childhood. The abuse, neglect, and the string of asshole stepfathers.

Can people be happy without THAT kind of love? The "soul mate" kind of love. I have known that kind of love. There is someone who made me feel that way -- who made me feel like I was home when I was with him -- that there was no one else in the world when I was with him. But he didn't return my feelings. So I married you. I still long for him and cry every day about him.

Confession #1216

I know about your MySpace account.

You've listed yourself as single, and younger than you really are.

Why?

You know about my ex, and his predilection for online chats with women, and my resulting phobia about cheating.

If you cheat on me, I'll make your psycho ex look like a Girl Scout. That's a promise.

Confession #1217

Husband,

Right before I moved away from our friends and family to be with you again in our new town and state, I went out and partied hard. I flirted with a man and found a way to go with him that appeared to be innocent. I'd like to say I was still drunk, but I wasn't. I fucked him hard three different times that night. I am sorry that if you ever find out about this that it will destroy you, but the sex was amazing. It was hot and wild--what our sex has rarely, if ever, been. I think of that sex almost everytime we make love. I wish your libido was as great as his and that you would match me for wanting sex.

I do love you. I will never tell you, and I won't ever do it again.

Your whore wife

Confession #1218

Thank you. Thank you for supporting this new job even though we don't need the money. Thank you for understanding that after 6 years I just need to get out of the house. Thank you for not making me feel bad that we'll have to put the girls in daycare and we might need to buy a new car so I can get to work. Thank you for not pointing out that the housework and other household chores I take care of everyday will likely suffer after I start working. All these things play in my mind every hour of every day and I'm almost ready to have a panic attack just thinking about it so thank you for just saying "hey, it's ok.. this is what you want remember," this morning when I needed a reminder. This is what I want. So thanks.

Confession #1219

Yesterday I made a fool of myself over you again. It
has been more than a year since I broke up with you,
but I still can't let you go. I love you, and you
don't love me. Well, you love me sometimes--when
you're feeling insecure, when you're sick. Yesterday
you tried to be nice, but it was so obvious you just
wanted me to go away. And it hurt so much.

Confession #1220

Here I am again. I hate you. I love you. You drive me
nuts. You are in an inapproiate friendship with your
friend's wife. When I tell him just how much you two
talk, and the way you talk about her, I doubt he would
have much trust left for you. You take my feelings for
you and ignore them, reject them, and make me feel
like shit. You don't love me. You only want me around
when your dick gets hard. You are the reason why I am
so unstable now. You are the reason now why I have
tried to kill myself twice in the past two years. Not
my exhusband but YOU. You are the reason why I am now
seeing a counselor. You are the reason why I am on the
verge of quitting and moving away. I hate you, yet I
love you. I cannot keep letting you take advantage of
me the way you do. I will not do your laundry anymore.
I will not let you use my cameras anymore. I will not
buy you food anymore. You do not know how good you had
it when you were living with me. You do not know how
much I loved you and how much shit I was willing to
put up with. You have no idea how much you hurt me
when you chose to ignore me, my feelings, my pleads,
and my cries. You have no idea how bankrupt I feel
now.

And if you ever read this, I hope you know this is me
referring to you and I hope you take this and move
very very far away from me.

True Wife Confessions 121Cribbage Victory!

Confession #1201

When you sit up doing who knows what on the computer all night, don't get hateful with me when I wake you up early because I have to be at work. If you would go to bed at a decent hour, you wouldn't feel so awful in the mornings, genius.

And also? When I am busting my tail trying to clean AND trying to watch our rambunctious (that's an understatement) 2 year old, and you just sit on the computer and watch TV....it makes me hate you a little more each time. I know you grew up with a nasty mother, but you are almost 30 now, AND you know how much it bothers me.....so WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can you not clean up after yourself????? GROW UP ALREADY!

Other than that, I love you :)

Confession #1202

To my husband:

I hate you more than words can say. Our anniversary just passed and you didn't even acknowledge it. FUCK YOU!

I think you are crazy an never should have married you. I hate the way you look, the way you smell, everything. I wish a truck would run you over, and I hope you suffer terribly first. You are stupid and always were, which is why you'll never get anywhere in your job you loser.

I dream about meeting someone else who can be my companion, who I can talk to, who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I long to walk hand in hand with someone, to hug them without being immediately groped, to have an intelligent conversation with them. I want to be taken out to dinner and a movie, something you would never do you cheap bastard. And let me tell you something, if I ever meet him, I will be out that door in 5 minutes, and if you ever bother me again, I hope he beats the crap out of you.

Confession #1203

It's day three of you not talking to me, ignoring the kids and basically pouting. You know what? I'm not caving. I know it's childish- but you're being childish too. Whatever. I don't know how else to make my point to you. The way you've been acting lately? It' s.not.okay. But you won't listen until you know I'm mad.

Also, google history keeps a history of searches even when you delete them from the computer. I saw the search for bang my wife please. I know you went there. What the hell were you thinking??

Confession #1204

You seem to have changed your ways after four years of being kind of a douche bag. You are still drinking too much and wetting the bed sometimes, but you've been being patient and loving with me after years of blowing your stack at me on the slightest of pretexts. You actually stood up for me (for the first time in the almost 10 years we've been married) to your wacko mother when she insulted me for the umpty-umpth time. I am starting to consider you an emotional refuge again instead of just another source of tension in my life. This is huge.

Alas, I consummated the emotional affair I embarked on nine months ago two weeks after you stopped being a douche bag. Two wrongs totally do not make a right - now I'm having panic attacks and I know it's my conscience rearing up. I am never going to tell you about this but it's eating me up inside.


Confession #1205

I called you a prick because you refuse to acknowledge ME, MY FEELINGS, MY EMAILS, and the CD I sent you because I was feeling SO BAD FOR YOU! And I can't believe that you are so cold and unfeeling that it doesn't bother you in the slightest that by doing this, you continually hurt my feelings...that's why I called you a prick!


Confession #1206

Sometimes I am just too damn tired to clean up before you get home. I see you roll your eyes at me, as you look around. But I can't do everything, I just can't.

Confession #1207

Stop using me as an excuse because you don't want to hang out with your friends. I could care less if you spend a weekend with them. Telling them that you have to be around to help me out makes me want to fall over laughing...or that I am sick, or that the kiddo is sick. How about this: "No thanks, I'm busy."

What's the worst they will say? That you're pussy whipped? Please, their old bachelor asses WISH someone would pussy whip them, but they are all still too juvenile to be attractive to any adult women.

Confession #1208

When you want to, you can make me laugh so hard. I wish you would want to more. I miss that.

Confession #1209

I want to congratulate you on picking up on the fact that I needed a break from our child and booking her for a playdate tomorrow, which YOU will be taking her to. I know that you feel a little nervous about hanging out with the moms, but I also know that you are doing this for me so I can have a little slice of peace.

Confession #1210

Why do we play this game? Why do we do the dance of "Who will call for the (fill in the blank)"? Its everything...Doctors appointments, hair cuts, birthday party rsvps, pizza...You name it. You try to hand me the phone. I didn't see "Event Scheduler" included in my wedding vows. THEN, you try to get me to go and pick up the pizza you have gotten me to order?!?!?

What is up with the pathological fear of the phone? Plus, I hate calling to order food for you cause you keep changing your order and I feel like an asshole as I repeat word for word what you are saying to the person on the other end.

True Wife Confession 120 Alcohol Soft

Confession #1191

The other day, when I told you I was too sick to get out of bed? Well, I was sick, but I really just wanted to stay in bed. How does it feel to run your ass off all day?

Confession #1192

I love you more than anything. And I am happy that you have a new job that you love. I know that things will calm down when your restaurant opens and I know that these long hours are only temporary. I know that everything will be worth it.

But I am so fucking lonely. I feel like I have a part time husband. I miss you. It doesn't help that when you are home you are talking about work, drinking, or so exhausted that you are a zombie.

I am at the point that if an opportunity came up (and I know that it won't), I would probably cheat on you. Just to have the emotional connection to someone again. Just to feel loved and desired, and to have someone look at me in that way. And just so that I could touch someone without him pushing my hand away.

Confession #1193

You do not know that I used to carve bloody trails in my arms with razorblades. When the canyons started to heal, I'd scratch them open again. I'd never heard of self-injury; I thought I'd invented it. When I realized it wasn't an option for me any more, I wept in public. You don't know this.

You don't know the joy I felt with another woman's pubic hair scratching my chin.

You don't know that one of my most consuming orgasms came from anal sex with someone who repelled me. Another came when I was chained up and every time I moved in response to her lips, the chains clinked. The sound tipped me over the cliff.

You have no curiosity about these things. How can you have no curiosity? How can you possibly not want to know, even when I try to tell you?

You do not know that when I was 18 I carved canyons into my arms and scratched them open week after week to keep them from healing.

You do not know that two of my most intense orgasms came when I was chained up with a woman tasting me, and during anal sex with a man I loathe.

You do not know how close I've been to suicide how many times, and you do not know how antidepressants have given me my life back.

I've tried to tell you these things and you aren't interested enough to listen. How can you not want to know? If you said anything to me like I've said to you, I would put down whatever I was doing and come sit knee to knee with you and hold your hands until you were finished telling me. But when I've tried to tell you, you just stare past me. How is it possible?

Confession #1194

You suck! You brag about all the jewelry, clothes and big ticket items you bought your ex wife for her birthday, Christmas, valentines day, etc. What did I get? After 9 months together, first you couldn't remember my birthday, although it conveniently fell on a holiday this year. I got a last minute gift of a whatever was on sale at Hallmark. At least I did get a card. That made it seem less crappy I guess. I don't expect big expensive gifts, but when you bring it in and say its nothing fancy, I just stopped and got it on my way here, it makes me feel like crap. I would rather have had dinner and a movie than a last minute thoughtless gift that you made me feel like you had to put yourself out on.

I don't need or want fancy stuff, but for god's sake don't call me the night before my birthday and ask if tomorrow is my birthday and then proceed to tell me that you didn't get me anything. It makes me feel like crap that you can't even take 5 minutes out to find something special for me. I just wanted you to remember and make it a little special. I haven't had anyone make my birthday special in YEARS! I guess I expect too much from you.

Confession #1195

When you told me that I was fatter than most women that you have dated and that I was much more bigger than the woman you married, well what can I say....
You ripped my heart out and stepped all over ever insecurity that I have.
May I bring it to your attention that you are shorter than most men that I have dated and are about a foot shorter than the man I married. For the love of God, I could eat soup off the top of your head with out to much effort.
If there is someplace else you need to be, I would suggest you get there because I have had enough!!!!!!
Go be with the woman who smarter, who understands your passion about the water, and who is skinnier than I could ever be.
I'm done.....it's time to be ME!!!!!!!

Confession #1196

Here we go again. Another holiday season with all of your fucked up ex's to deal with. Why is it so hard to schedule things with the kids. Nothing has changed. Why do we have to battle over a simple family meal every year!!! Grab your balls and tell these women that you want to enjoy some time with your kids. While your at it tell the second ex(not wife - just girlfriend for 1 year) to get her own damn family to make miserable- stop using yours.

Or if you feel like the discussion is not worth it- then shut the hell up. Your not going to be assertive with them for the benefit of the kids over a few measly hours then tell me so I can quite caring.

I hate it when you are spineless.


Confession #1197

Why won't you propose already? I know you love me, but it hurts that it's been six years and you keep putting it off. You have told everyone we know that you want to marry me and you've told me many times, but actions speak louder than words. I can't wait forever and I told you that fourteen months ago-how much longer should I wait?
Every holiday/birthday that goes by I get excited and then let down. I told you I never wanted to be one of those women that had to beg or give an ultimatum for marriage, but I have inevitably become one.
I hate that I have to ask my grandfather if we can sleep in the same bed when we visit, it makes me feel like such a child. I hate that my sister and her husband have been married for 4 years and they've only been together 5 months longer than us.
I gave you my grandmother's ring almost 3 months ago and after our anniversary weekend last week when you didn't propose I came home and looked at the ring hoping that you had it in your bag and just got nervous, well it was exactly where I put it 3 months ago-with dust all over it.
It's really starting to affect my self-esteem, I catch myself saying things like 'why would he marry me-I'm boring or I've let myself go a little' I know this is unhealthy and I really don't need this added insecurity. You have no idea how close I am to leaving, I can't imagine my life without you, but every day that goes by I resent you a little more and respect myself a little less.

Confession #1198

I love you, but if you don't stop pissing and moaning about the dog I'm going to strangle you. Leaving him outside in the cold rain for 2 hours until I got home from work is not cool. Especially when he spent those 2 hours rolling around in MUD! Yes, giving the dog a bath at 10 o'clock at night is just what I've been missing from the past two days of hell I've had. I should have made you give him the bath, but I was so mad that had you come near me when I was getting the tub ready, I would have drowned you.

Seriously.

Confession #1199

Darling, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will always love you unconditionally.

But for chrissake, is it that hard to RINSE your dishes then PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER when you say you will? If I see one more greasy dish sitting out on the counter - just ABOVE the dishwasher - I'm going to upend it on your face while you're sleeping.

Confession #1200

You want to marry me in January? We JUST started dating! I've barely gotten to know you and you act like we've been together, forever! You're wonderful and so supportive of my child but you're so obsessed with me it becomes a turn off. And then there's the porn that you can't live without. Your, "deal breaker". You want to be able to look at pictures and watch movies of 1,000's of women having SEX, totally naked yet you want to make sure that I don't look at ANY men when we're out. I'm not even remotely a flirt but it's a bit of a double standard...don't you think? You also want me to have a flat tummy. I'm in pretty good shape for a 40 yr old woman. I don't smoke or drink. Good with money and a devout Christian girl....yet you want that flat stomach. I had a BABY! I have arthritis in my BACK! You want a woman with a flat stomach because all you've done FOREVER is looked at airbrushed women in magazines! They aren't REAL! Most of them DON'T enjoy what they do! Wake up and smell the coffee.

Join reality. Unless you change, we have no future....go get a blow up doll.

True Wife Confessions 119 Trees

Confession #1181

Baby, I am sooo glad you understand! I never wanted to hurt you. I just needed so badly for someone to love and appreciate me. But I was scared to leave you because of the kids. You were gone so much. I know it's your job and I know we both knew it from the beginning. And if things had been good between us.... but they weren't and I was miserable. So I told you I wanted a divorce and baled out of our relationship. And I met men who treated me like a princess and made me realize I really was worthwhile.

And then you came home. My biggest fear was you'd go off the deep end when I finally came clean. I didn't want to hurt you. But I was tired of hurting. I won't be a martyr.

So I told you everything. We talked and cried and talked some more. And now, you not only embrace this new "lifestyle", you have met and approve of my "friends". You know they're the reason you didn't come home early for my funeral. We can be parents together to our boys. We're becoming friends again, slowly but surely. I didn't have to give up the people in my life who love me and care about me. And you're happier too. And you have your own friends now too. We're both happier. And everyone who knows thinks we're nuts. But it works for us. Our friendship, relationship, marriage is better than ever.

I love you. And I love them. And we're one big happy family.

Confession #1182

I know you want to get married, and you know I can't commit to it.

What I can't tell you is that primary reason I won't marry you is that I can't fucking stand your parents. You know as well as I do that when they retire in the not so distant future, they will have to move in with you because they never planned for retirement and piss their money away on electronic gadgets, vacations and expensive cars. Your father is a nasty drunk and your mother is a doormat.

They're your problem. I would rather be without you in my life than having them become my problem.

Confession #1183

I have something utterly sinful and delightful to confess. After years of not wanting sex at all in marriage, I am finally, finally free to indulge the person I used to be. I met a really wonderful friend-of-a-friend in a bar a week ago. He was leaving town soon. So. I got his number. After a fun group "send off" we decided we should have some fun. He kissed me, in the bar, in front of everyone! We took FOREVER to get home because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We got home and clothes just flew in every direction. I don't think I've ever seen a man built like that before. We had the most wild, amazing sex ... I loved it. I have been grinning about it ever since. I know that those butterflies don't necessarily last. But I can't settle for a life without any passion. I can't, and I'm sorry. I won't go back now that I can see the light on the other side. Know what that light is? It's me. I knew that girl looked familiar.

Confession #1184

A funny thing occurred to me the other day. I am over you. I found the off button and pressed it. I knew I would, I just didn't know when it would happen. Unfortunately, I also don't know how long the lust will remain quiet - maybe a month or two, or perhaps six months?? I really have no idea. Something usually happens, to kick it back into gear. Often all it takes is a little extra attention from you, maybe you'll rub my arm, hug me tight or simply give me an innocent kiss "hello", and the next thing I know the lust reappears in full force. You say you don't like it when I have these feelings for you, but I know that's bullshit. Your ego swells knowing that I am attracted to you. You just never want to have to deal with the fallout should my husband, who's also your good friend, ever find out.

Confession #1185

At least twice a week I am not where you think I am. But who would ever suspect your wife of sneaking off to meet another man?

Confession #1186

At my friends wedding when I was a brides maid, the guy who walked me down the isle WAS SO DAMN FINE. he was the first guy I have looked at since we've been married and thought about the things I would do to him. I would NEVER ever cheat on you - but it felt good to have a man look at me and see that he'd do me if he had the chance, even though I know you look at me like that all the time too. Its kinda like maybe my husband isn't just talking shyt when he tells me he finds me attractive. And maybe he didn't settle any more than I did. Maybe I just need a little self esteem boost. By the way I love how proud you looked to have me on your arm, I wonder if you noticed him looking at me too....

Confession #1187

You are a Christian man who wants to teach our kids Christian values, but
you lie to me and tell me you don't look at porn on your computer. I have
seen your history and I KNOW what you're looking at. WHY did you tell me
just the other day that you NEVER do that because it's SO wrong? I just
looked and you are always looking at porn online!! What a liar. How can
you teach our kids values when you have NONE?

It would be nice to hear the truth come from your mouth every once in a
while. I know you're lying about SO many things but I never tell you
because it's almost comical to listen to you lie when I know it's a lie.

Confession #1188

November the 8th is our anniversary. The anniversary of the day that you promised "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse". We promised in front of our families and our friends. Our father's stood together with their eyes bright and shinning and married us. That is the date that I will never forget. The date that our lives were joined at our beautiful wedding. Now we are divorced and you live with her and her kids. I wonder if you will remember November the 8th like I will and cry? Will you even remember it all? If I could make it not hurt like this after all of this time I would give up all of those memories.

Confession #1189

A year ago you asked me to marry you. We were not ready; you know that we weren't ready. Another year has passed, and now, you know that I am ready (more than ever) to get married. Instead you tell me that you "want to marry" me but that you aren't ready today. You continually make references to getting married, which, gets me revved up and thinking you are going to ask me, but then months pass and I wonder: what the hell was that conversation about? Last night when you said something about me being your wife? And I turned away and didn't respond? That's your last chance, buddy. I'm not following you anywhere without a ring when you switch bases, and that's that.

I'm close to ending this relationship because I am doing everything that a wife does without the benefits. And also without having the intimate marital relationship that I want so badly with you. I don't care about a ring, I could care less about an actual wedding (though I would like one) but if you don't make a move soon without dangling those words in my face? I'm going to leave you.


Confession #1190

You left me for another woman when I found out I was pregnant. You abandoned me to raise a newborn by myself so that you could start a life with that red headed skank who pretended to be a friend. I had to go to work every day, fat and pregnant and look at her smug face. 2 years later, you come back. We have the best sex I’ve ever had. So good it makes my body shake for a good 30 minutes afterwards. I need you to do one thing for me.

Ask the skank how it feels AFTER you ask her how I taste.

TWC Roots Revisited

It is no secret that I "owned" these confessions as mine. Rather than continuing to encourage our young guest in his quest to defend his wronged manhood (and as the wife of a black man from Detroit, I know how very stubborn and single focused they can get), I offer the original confessions to the new audience. But, as all of you who read my other blog(s) know, I temper these with the pieces on my love of my husbands cooking ability...or his waking me up with coffee on our 10th wedding anniversay..or his love and attention for our daughter...or the way he made me laugh this morning when he drove by me as I walked back from dropping Emily off and leaned out the window to make a rather salacious comment.


Confession #001

Maybe the scratches on the top of car weren't caused by the car wash. Maybe they were caused by your daughter cheerfully clearing the car off with the steel tipped snow shovel. Maybe.

Confession #002

I know that you do loads of your own laundry when I'm not home. I know that you ignore the stack of the family laundry and wash your own personal load. I know this cause I find them in the dryer, and there is no coincidence large enough to convince me that this is "just what you happened to throw in". Especially as it has happened repeatedly for 15 years. This makes me unreasonably mad. That's why I leave all your clothes for the end, sometimes.

Confession #003

Your electronic organizer? The one you loved in 1998? Yeah. That didn't fall out of your car and get run over by your tire. I washed and dried it in the laundry , then tried to get you to think you'd done it by wedging it under your tire, in the rain.

Confession #004

I always spend more than I've told you I've spent. ALWAYS. No one gets this many shoes for what you think I've spent. That's the beauty of my own checking account.

Confession #005

I know where your belt, glasses or wallet are. I just think it's funny to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for them.

Confession #006

I WANT you to go out with your friends. Please. Get out of the house. Plus you always come home awfully grateful for what you have at home after listening to your friends bitch and moan about their wives.

Confession #007

When I say, "I don't care", sometimes I don't care. Sometime I do. Listen for the tone. It's been 15 years, it shouldn't be this hard to figure out.

Confession #008

When you go out of town, I play video games like a maniac. I also leave the bathroom door open when I pee, cause you aren't there to get all freaked out. And I don't do the dishes until right before you come home. Basically, chaos reigns.

Confession #009

I'm not really sleeping when I bump you at night. You're snoring Loudly and I have got to do something to stop the noise.

Confession #010

Your mother and I talk about you. When you are being a shit, I call her and she convinces me to stay married to you. You don't know how much you owe to your mother. Seriously.

Confession #011

Oh yeah, I hear her calling my name. But it's 2 a.m. and you’re awake anyway.

Confession #012

I was going to leave my hair in the tub drain. You’re right. But I’ll die defending that I wasn’t.

Confession #013

Your chili isn' that good. Really. I’ve just never had the heart to tell you. Your coffee isn't either.

Confession #014

I hate dancehall music. I just don’t get the appeal for you. But I have smiled as you have played it for a long ass time.

Confession #015

I love that you have more colognes than I do. I love that the Macy’s mens cologne woman knows your first name.

Confession #016

Yes, I washed the chicken. I have been rinsing the chicken for 15 years. You do not have to ask me EVERY TIME if I have washed the god damn chicken. If my plan were to give you salmonella, it would have happened a long time ago.

Confession #017

I know how much you detest Chinese Art Cinema. So it makes me love you more when you sit through three-hour movies in subtitles next to me, whilst I weep uncontrollably at the beauty of the story. And yes, I DID know that “Farewell My Concubine” was going to be three hours long. I just knew if I told you that, you wouldn’t come.


Confession #018

I will never tell you what my girlfriends and I really talk about. You’re my husband, but they are my girlfriends. Iron Curtain, Baby. And yes, we talk about you. And they know EVERYTHING.

Confession #019

Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough. Ditto for the shoulder massage. You’d get a hell of a lot more if you took note of this.

Confession #020

I know you didn’t read this card you gave me. You just picked the first one you came to that said “To my wife”. That’s why I quiz you on the sentiment behind the words on the card. To see you squirm.

Guess What?

Another (male) blogger has decided to use TWC to vent his personal frustrations about women. You know? Us women? Cheating, Lying, Whorish women?

Dear God. I wonder how any of us got married to such petulant babies.

If the blogger in question had taken the time to read ALL the confessions AND the FAQ, he may have understood that this site is not about "cheating, lying women." It is about the complexities of being married...the complexities of maintaining a relationship in a society that expects women to either be "happy wives and mothers" or "career driven, lying whorish bitches".

Alas, unnamed male blogger. It's not that easy. It's not that simple.

I know you wish that "communication" would solve everything. Your "armor" is dented. You are a "warrior" who has emerged from dealing with lying women.

Get over yourself.

The bottom line is that marriage and relationships are HARD. Not just a little bit, but H to the A to the R to the D. I was one of those who confidently told the world that I would "never" allow my future husband to ..... or that he will "never" talk to me that way....or "if you're not happy, just leave"......

Until I got inside. With a Child. And a Home.

And I realized that I compromise bits and pieces of myself to maintain my marriage, my home, my family. That to pretend that I didn't was lying to other women. Lying to myself.

So please. Save your righteousness for your next partner. I'm sure she'll love it.