Tuesday, December 05, 2006

True Wife Confession 128 MB Zip Drive

Confession #1271

No. I don't miss you. I don't miss the constant drama, the feeling like it wasn't really me that you wanted to be with. Since I left, I have been feeling a million times better about myself and life in general. You say you haven't even wanted to "do anything" and that's great if it's really true, but you don't get it. I DO NOT CARE. Go meet up with every skank you can find on the internet, do it till it falls off. I don't care!

Oh, and I figured out your password. So go ahead and lie to me about how much your new job will pay, but the courts don't just take your word for it. Dumbass. And tell your ex-wife I said hi.

Confession #1272

I met you when I was 16 - you know me better than anyone else. That being said, how can you be so clueless as to why I cheated?

I tried to accept the porn addiction as part of the norm of being married - it helped you through my post-partum and while I didn't discover it until months later, clear of the depression and fog, I was at least fortunate that you hadn't become obnoxious.

You also ignored me completely. I was just this person living with you, working full time, taking care of the house and baby. Yes, you helped...but you did absolutely shit about us.

When I found out, we fought and yelled and cried. You promised to give it up. I believed you. What an absolute, naive fucking moron I was. We had another baby...you continued, I let you though I knew about it the entire time.

You degraded me. I degraded me. If I was really beautiful and sexy, you'd want me instead of the porn, right?

THAT'S WHY I FUCKED HIM. Given the opportunity, I'd carry on another half-year affair with another verbally and physically abusive man just to be fucked the way he fucked me. It wasn't all fucking...we actually made love. I'm not even sure you and I ever did that.

I'm glad I left you 7 months ago and I'm glad we're still friends. The biggest thing I can't tell you is how glad I am that the 6 months before I told you I wanted a divorce...is that I tramped myself from bar to bar getting kissed and fucked in all the ways you never saw fit to show me. Too bad -- I'm pretty damn awesome at what I do.

Confession #1273

When I started sleeping in the guest room all I ever wanted was for you to
ask me to come back. Tell me you still loved me.

When you didn't, I started sleeping with someone else. I still wanted you to
ask me to come back.

When I started looking for an apartment, I wanted you to ask me to stay. You
didn't.

Everytime we talked during that period I just wanted you to hold me and tell
me we could work things out and that it would be okay. You never did.

When I got that package with the new mailing lable that told me you were
remarried, I cried. I knew you wouldn't ever ask me to come back.

What did I do wrong, why did you stop loving me, why can't I stop loving
you?


Confession #1274

I love that you make me laugh. I love that you pick your nose when you think I'm not looking. I love that you will carry the heavy things becuase you know it's hard for me to walk. I love that when you start to tell me about something and somehow we veer off topic, you will go back a few minutes later to make your point, becuase God forbid I don't hear your point. I love that you are so generous and kind. I love that you fart at the most inopportune times. I love that you are scatterbrained and distracted and more than a little ADD. I love that you snore like a train going through a tunnel. I love that you love wrestling, even if I think it's fake and pretty stupid. I love that you don't even for split second hesitate to offer me help when I am in a financial mess, even if I don't take the help. I love being mad at you when you do something stupid becuase I know no matter how the petty things make me feel, I will never leave you over them. I LOVE that we are getting married. I love that you are so imperfect, and I think most of all, I love that I can be imperfect and still, even when I am whiny and moody and irresponsible, you love me too.

Confession #1275

Every time I think that there is a possibility that this marriage will work, you slap me in the face with the reality that it never, ever will.



Here's a hint, you clueless fuck, when you're disrespectful, demoralizing and degrading you aren't going to get laid. Not at home anyway.



Here's another hint you ignorant bastard, when you act like a jackass and continue to do the same ignorant shit over and over again you aren't going to get any dinner either.



When you can act like a husband, I'll act like a wife.

Confession #1276

I know I’m going to lose my father soon. None of us talk about it much and that’s fine with me—I don’t want to spend all my time going on about it, I’d rather enjoy the time we have.

You were very kind, the day I broke down, offering to hold me while I cried. I know this is what a great husband does. I just wish in this one way that you were less perceptive, or less interested in sharing. I don’t want anyone to see me when I feel that way. Not you, not anyone. I don’t like seeing myself, and it makes me feel so much worse when I’m seen by someone else.

I understand what you said about wanting to share in my life. And I held you last year when you cried for your grandfather, and it didn’t make me think any less of you, of course—it even made me feel closer to you, and I can see that this is what you want from me right now.

I just find it really hard to give it. And I’m kind of pissed off that although it’s my dad who is ill, I’m the one who has to be giving here. I need, need, need some privacy to deal with this. It has nothing to do with you. Maybe I can tell you about it later when we know how the story ends.

Confession #1277

This morning, I smiled at you. I said "Good Morning Honey". You said nothing. You walked into the other room.

That is when I understood. I am not in love with you anymore. Sure, we maintain a home and a family, but the spark is gone. I can't even remember a time when it was there.

Then I think, am I wanting too much? Is this what every marriage becomes? Two people living in the same house, raising children, becoming strangers?

I don't know. I don't know what will become of us. But, this is why I think of my last love before you. I want someone to look at me with desire, with passion, with wonder. And you don't look at me with any of those things anymore.

Confession #1278

My confession is that I do not thank you nearly often enough. Thank you for cooking. Thank you for cleaning. Thank you for doing so much with our kids, for supporting me emotionally and financially while I go through college. Thank you for putting up with my moods and indulging the cravings I get with PMS every month. Thank you for being understanding that I get bitchy when I'm tired, and loving me anyway. Thank you for thinking I'm beautiful even when I'm not, and loving me even when I'm not acting particularly lovable. Thank you for being my husband. I love you, and I don't tell you so nearly often enough.

Love, me

Confession #1279

To all the wives, girlfriends, etc., I pose a question and a confession.

Why are all of our guys signing up for these random sex/dating websites? Worse, how is it that we all know that they are?

I found out a while back (because I too checked his account without his knowledge) and found out he was registered on such a site. After figuring out his sign on/user id, I found he'd registered for many of these websites with the same name/email, all as single, looking for fun, even sex, etc. And he too hadn't just registered and looked, he emailed and chatted with various other women (heck, they might even be men--how does he know??). My world came crashing down on me. Now not only do I not trust him, I'm constantly monitoring his usage of these sites. I thought I should just end the relationship, but after reading our confessions, I'm starting to wonder if its an epidemic. It seems they're all doing it, while we ladies are busy invading their privacy to make sure they're faithful and crushed to find out they're cyber cheating.

Husbands (and wives too if you're doing it), it is cheating. It's one step below adultery. Talk to us and tell us what you're missing.

Wives, we should stop stalking and start trusting. Today I stop cold turkey and will talk to him to see what needs fixed. If it can't be fixed and he won't stop, I'm gone. But I can't be all high and mighty when I'm violating his privacy. It's a never ending circle.

Confession #1280

Tonight, buddy, you put the last nail in the coffin of our marriage. When you screamed at our daughter to "shut the fuck up", and when I tried to tell you to calm down, you came after me. You grabbed me by the arm, and pulled and dragged me from the kitchen table. You were pulling and dragging me and screaming that I was a "fat, lazy, selfish bitch" and you were trying to push me into our daughters room.

At first, I was in shock. You have never put your hands on me, and as I twisted and squirmed, and you shoved me towards the door, I could hardly believe that this was happening. I yelled for you to stop it, to take your hands off of me, and when I finally got my arm free, I shoved you as hard as I could in your chest. I told you to leave. Leave the house. You asked how the fuck I planned on making you. I told you I would call the police and have you removed. And you said if I did that it would be "the last fucking thing I did".

Our daughter was screaming from her bedroom for you to stop it, for you to leave mommy alone. And that is when I decided that can not stay married to you. You have become a bully and a sick man. And yes, I am planning on leaving...again. But I have to stay for awhile, to get things ready. To get my life in order and untangled from yours. You have successfully made sure that I am dependant on you financially.

And I sent emails to my friends telling them...and including pictures of the bruises on my arm...

So go ahead, mother fucker. I'll keep up the picture of perfect marriage for a little while longer, but I will clean you the fuck out at our divorce. And sure - go ahead and kill me, I've made sure that enough people know about this that they will take you down.

My wedding rings are off for good.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

1280-It only takes one time. One slap, one shove, one punch, one kick. Don't stay too long and let him start this cycle against your daughter or she may think that's ok when she is a wife and mother. I wish you nothing but strength and courage.

Anonymous said...

1280-- Honey GET OUT!!! It's only going to get worse. Protect that precious girl and GO.

Anonymous said...

1280: way to go. I hope you can get your things together quickly and get out. Good luck...

Anonymous said...

1280 - Worry about fiances later. Get out of there with your baby girl. Stay with family, friends, anything, just get out of there. It's not worth it just to get things in order. Pack up and go.

1223 said...

To 1279: Will you please post an update after you talk?

To #1277: You're not alone.

Denise said...

Confession #1280:


Call the police and file a report. Get a restraining order and an order for temporary spousal support. Make him support you until the divorce and AFTER if you can get alimony in your state. Don't wait. Your daughter will only suffer and so will you.

Anonymous said...

1280 - Protect yourself. Your daughter needs you.

Anonymous said...

i'm so sad for 1280. My prayers are with you and take heed to what "Denise" said. Sound advice right there. Please keep us all updated.

Anonymous said...

#1280:

Go file a police report. Depending on where you live, you can do this without him knowing and then you will have a paper trail of proof when you file for divorce. They will document the bruises and that's more definitive than an email you sent to your friends.

Also, don't wait and make plans. Ask your friends and family for help and just leave now. Trust me on this, please.

Anonymous said...

1279 - I am with you - same thing happened to me, I wish we could talk but I don't dare leave my e-mail because he sometimes reads this blog but know that someone out there knows exactly how you feel.

art said...

#1280-please get out for you and your daughter's sake just leave, go to a friends, mom's, whatever but leave and now. peace~art

Anonymous said...

1279-I'm 1271. And even after all I've been through, I don't believe that it's an epidemic...I think that since you are going through it, you sort of seek it out and are hypersensitive to it, and it starts to feel like "everyone is doing it." There have got to be good men out there that won't make us feel guily for not trusting them because they ARE NOT TRUSTWORTHY. There are, aren't there????

I have many other thoughts and theories on the subject...one of which is our whole culture is just getting oversexed and it's all supposed to be okay and open and modern, but it's just tearing people and families apart.

Anonymous said...

1277, you have defined exaclty how I feel. Is this all there is? Comfortable with no passion? Strangers who live inthe smae house?

Anonymous said...

1280: you HAVE to get out of there. You can be 100% certain that his abuse will only get worse.

Many cities have safe houses for battered women and their children. You can stay for free until you get on your feet. Please check into it. Before it's too late.

Anonymous said...

1277, I can relate!