I do my best to keep a smile glued to my face when you're here, but inside I'm counting the minutes until you go. And when you go ... I get out my vibrator and bring my body back to life. I've gotten so good at faking, you never have a clue, and sometimes I almost fool myself. The hell of it is, when we were dating you seemed to care whether or not I experienced pleasure. Now all you care about is pushing my head down to your crotch so that YOU feel good, and the hell with me. So, how'd you like it the other night when I got MY pleasure and then (pretended to) fall asleep while you rolled over all frustrated? How'd you like that taste of your own medicine? Not a lot of fun was it honey? Like I said, you used to seem to care if I felt good or not. Was that just an act to get what you wanted? Maybe those escorts you keep blowing money on put up with that crap, but I won't.
Sweetie, when I am telling you a story...I don't want your opinion. I want you to listen to the story, not tell me how to fix it, or what is wrong with my friends, or your take on how petty I am for being interested in "gossip". Just listen to the Story!!!
The doctor told me recently that I might have cancer. Although it would certainly explain why I feel so awful, I can't get in for a biopsy until January. When I complained the other night that I wasn't feeling so good, you asked me again what day my appointment has been scheduled. I would love to think you were concerned about me and worried that I would be suffering until then, but I know you were really trying to figure out how long before I'll be in the mood for sex again. Oh yes, your daily ejactualtioons are so much more important than your wife's possible cancer. Sometimes I fucking hate you.
I know you don't understand my relationship with my mother. Hell, I barely understand my relationship with my mother. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not defend her when I get off the phone and am frustrated or pissed off about something. Just accept that it is complicated and nothing like the relationship you have with your family. Rational has nothing to do with this!!
Baby, I love you. From the very first day we started going out, my love and appreciation has grown. I love learning about you, your interests, your dreams, your logic and intelligence. The more I learn, the more interested I become. You are not the best looking guy, but I would chose you over Brad Pitt anyday.
When we have sex, it is like you and only you belong inside of me. You know me that well. You are so much more to me than just 'the man I love'. You are my best friend, someone I admire and look up to for guidance. I am proud to have someone like you by my side.
Even my family can see how good you are. My father called you a 'fine, young gentleman' the other day, and I swelled with pride, because I know he spoke the truth.
My confession is this: I want nothing more in the world than to be able to spend the rest of my life by your side. I am devoted to you, and I don't care if we never walk down that isle. All that matters is that I can be there sharing a wonderful journey with you.
I'm sorry I'm so undesireable that you have resorted to the porn thing again. What can I do? I'm going to the gym. I'm back in therapy. I'm sorry. Heaven help me if you're exchanging emails again.
Let me say this ONE MORE TIME.
I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU.
What don't you understand about that? I haven't and I won't, as that's not the type of person I am and never will be.
But, to be totally honest, if someone thinks that their wife is cheating, don't you think they'd be doing everything in their power to keep the wife happy so she won't stray? I've known that you thought this for quite a while but what's so sad is that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. You're still selfish, you still think only of yourself and what you want, you don't do anything thoughtful for me or the kids, you don't spend any time with us, you do nothing to make me not want to cheat!
Do you want this marriage to last or not? You are slowly but surely pushing me to that point. I can't live like this any more, being under a constant cloud of suspicion and not doing a damn thing to deserve it, as well as not being treated like a loved wife, a friend, someone who's cherished. Throw in the fact that you don't want to do anything with our kids and it's a dealbreaker.
You complain about how much money I spend on our child's clothes, but I also know how secretly proud you are when other parents comment about how mice she looks, or ask you where we got that outfit.
I want you so desperately.
After 13 years. I still want you. I still feel butterflies.
I want you so bad it hurts.
Why can't you want me?
All the other guys want me. Try to have affairs with me. Fall in love with me.
I want to love them. I want to want them.
I can't cheat. I have too much integrity.
I can't leave because it hurts so much.
Why can't you just want me?
You say you want me...why do you lie?
I had plans to leave you until last night. Last night as a couple we found out that I have breast cancer. An aggressive cancer. I saw the man in you that I had always known was there but you never let him out, until last night when you held me as I cried. Last night you made me feel safe within your arms for the first time in over a year. You made me believe that we could confront this together, as a couple, as a husband and wife, and defeat it, we could win. You turned into my hero last night, my rock, and I told you so. Thank you.