Monday, January 08, 2007

True Wife Confession 144 - One Dozen Dozens

Confession #1431

Babe,

I am so sorry, but I found the engagement ring a few weeks before you proposed. I even took it on some test drives while folding the laundry or doing errands around town. I couldn't believe it when I opened that pretty red box that I found hidden in the box of your tools. I had a feeling something was happening, so I went on a quick search. I knew I probably shouldn't. You should have done a better job hiding it! But...it is unbelievably beautiful! And huge! I hope I did a good job acting surprised when you got down on your knee. I'll tell you someday and you'll laugh. You know you can't pull anything over me, buddy!

Also, thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me be a stay-at-home girlfriend (well, now a stay-at-home fiance) for six months out of the year for the past four years. We don't even have kids and you don't mind the fact that I only work six months out of the year. You have no idea what that means to me. You even help me clean and cook and do the laundry. How did I get so lucky? Can't wait to walk down the aisle and see you waiting for me!

Love ya, mean it!

P.S. The only thing you suck at is calling when you are going to be late. Just freakin' call! I won't care ~ I just get mad because you don't tell me...not because you are late.

Still love ya!

Confession #1432

Darling, I just want to apologize for us almost never having sex during the week these days. It's not you. It's the Everything Else that needs to be done or attended to Monday through Friday. By the time junior goes to bed, all I want to do is kick back and relax. By the time we go to bed, all I want to do is pass out. I'm not upset with you, I'm not unattracted to you, I'm not depressed--I'm just tired. And busy. And sorry I'm not the nymphomaniac I used to be.

Confession #1433

I found your gross little swingers porn mag. I have "refiled" it in your
bag, in the midst of those papers about your redesign that you'll be pulling
out at your meeting. Wish I could be there.


Confession #1434

I love you, I truly do, but there is so much going on in my head that you
have no idea about. You remember I broke up with someone else to go out
with, a wonderful guy who forgave me for cheating on him when most others
wouldn't have and stuck it out with me. I dumped him with no warning so I
could be with you. You have no idea how many times since then I have
thought of him, how many times I've dreamed of him, wondered what would
happen if I someday saw him again. The summer we agreed to see otehr
people b4 we got engaged, who did I see, him. I knew I was still in love
with him but I was in love with you too. I met and had lunch with him a
month b4 our wedding, and was totallyr elieved bc I gfelt nothing when I
saw him, it musta been a fluke bc when I ran into him 9 months later I
knew I still loved him. For the first two years of our marriage I dreamed
of him so often, I even called his pager a few times just to hear his
voice. I've thought of him less and less often over the years but he's
still there in the back of my mind. That "book" I wrote, and all those
short stories oh yeah he's the main male character and I'm the female. I
feel guilty every time I think of him. And yet it doesn't stop, and you
wander why I want to start going to see a counselor/therapist.

and that's still not all. Our good friend, your BF and my ex from years
ago, well you know we flirt nonstop, just like you flirt with his wife,
though for you it's a game and with he and I it's becoming a serious
thing. There's still something there between us. I told you over the
summer when he kissed me and you acted like it was nothing, well maybe it
seemed like it to you but as soon as he kissed me I wanted it to happen
again. He apologized said he was out of line and it wouldn't happen
again. Well it did, at our New Year's Eve party, he kissed me again 3
times. I told him we had to stop doing this sh*t, but it wasn't just me
telling him, it was me telling me. You see you tell me "go ahead, sleep
with him" like you really mean it, but you should watch that bc no matter
how many times I tell you I wouldn't, the honest to god truth is if I
thought we could do it and get away with it I'd be in bed with him in a
heartbeat. I haven't told him that, not sure if I will. I really don't
want to screw things up for him, and since things are good with us I don't
want to screw thigns up for us, but you know if you start being a total
ass again this semester I can't promise you I won't make a play for him.
You're not the only person in the world that has school and work and
you're sure as hell not the only person in the world that gets stressed.

And as for you my dear friend and ex, back off for a while will ya. I
love you sweetie, and you turn me on like you wouldn't believe I'm sure
you have no clue how much actually. This is no longer play for me, it is
serious. I want you and it scares me how much. We both have a good
marriages right now let's not screw that up. However if at any time in
the future we find ourselves singel, you're the first person I'm calling
and you can be sure I'm calling you right from where I want you to end
up... my bed.


Confession #1435

To the new girlfriend - your boyfriend has cheated on
you already. Three times, in fact. And the last time,
he said I felt so good, he just couldn't hold back.
And he is the one who made the first move each time.
And knowing that you swear that he is better than your
last boyfriend, I just have to laugh. Honey, he is
not.

Confession #1436

I don’t know who created this blog site but bless you. I have to tell you that I read it and I have found comfort and can identify with so many of the stories. Reading this has been better than any therapy I’ve been too. I am going through a terrible time in my marriage. It’s been such a mistake and I am so unhappy. I am crying my eyes out right now and feel so desperately lonely and God I wish I didn’t feel this burden of pain and I wish there was some relief from this terrible unhappiness. There isn’t. When I got married I thought it was going to last forever. Now 13 years later, 2 beautiful children, one terribly shitty little squat house and more isolation than I can ever describe, oh wait don’t forget the multiple mid life crisis and the overdose of religion my Knight in Shining Armor is was never was is a cold unemotional boring non sex intitiating man/ child peter pan.



I hate you

I hate everything about you.

I hate the way you don’t brush your teeth before you go to bed

I hate the way you brush your teeth when you go to church

I think you are a hypocrite no I know that you are a hypocrite

You give all of your money to the church but won’t buy a decent house for your own family.

You have constantly let me down you have let your children down

You have made me a single mother and I hate you for doing that to me and to us.

I hate the way you walk around the house with your hands in your pockets. You are lazy. Your mother made your bed for you one too many times

You throw your clothes on the floor. I would like to burn them in front of you.

I hate the fact that you went to Iraq instead of staying with your family, you volunteered to go to Iraq don’t tell me your were forced to go. You put your family through hell so you could have your midlife crisis and go help those Iraqis

If you like those people so much maybe you should move to that nasty country.

I hate the fact that you left me alone during my pregnancy and I had to rely on our 8 year old daughter for help

I hate the fact that you let us live in a terrible house.

You never slayed my dragons. You never stand up for your family. You never lift up your family. You never ever honor your wife.

I will never forgive you for being a drunk.

I can never count on you for anything ever.

You have taken all the joy out of our marriage

You have taken all the dreams of travel and happiness too.

You have taken too much from me. I have held this family together.

You put on a good show for the public……………………it’s time to tell the truth and it will set me free.

You threaten to take my children. Who would raise them, your mother? Hmmm I see what her product looks like

I don’t believe in letting wolves raise my children, like you do

You drink too much

You are an alcoholic

You should drink at church

You think you are great, you are not

You are a liar, you tell half truths and think you are telling the whole truth

You are a devious mean spirited man

You make me feel horrible

You ruined Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve

You have eaten my soul and taken all you are going to take.



Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for creating this site. Thank you for the honesty



Confession #1437

Would you please stop getting off on my butt or leg when I am asleep! I woke up the other morning and rolled onto what you had left behind. It is so disrespectable and I hate it. SO STOP IT!

You know who I am


Confession #1438

Do not blame me when you run out of clean boxers. I do not monitor how many are left in the drawer. If you're running low, do a load of laundry!

Confession #1439

I hate when you are telling stories to new friends and you are lying about things we haven't done. Why the fuck do you do that? They don't care. And I feel like I am now trapped into agreeing to some shit I know we didn't do because I don't know these people well enough to call you a liar in front of them. Why not just whip it out and measure his penis against yours and be done with it? At least that wouldn't involve me!

Confession #1440

Well, today I found out not only do you have 2 credit cards, but 3.
Sure, I could probably have dealt with the combined balances of the two:
1200.00. But when I found out that you have another Visa and the
balance was over 5K?

How dare you. You KNOW I swallowed my pride at the end of 2005 and
went to consumer credit counseling. Got it all squared away. I was so
happy for us. There was a light at the end of the financial tunnel. I
recently told you, "Imagine! We've been living on a cash-only basis for
1 full year! I'm so proud of us!" All the while you had been lying to
me. To my face. With such ease. It's disturbing how well you lie.

Well, I was living on a cash-only basis, not you.

The proverbial shit hit the fan when I got the mail one night and found
your two statements for the cards. I was still in the process of
forgiving you and then wham! Here comes another one. With that HUGE
fucking balance.

You say the first two were for tools for your new career, farming. You
wanted out of the kitchen. Okay, okay, I get that. But the second one?
You said it was because I was controlling and breathing down your neck
with the money issues. You wanted to be like a "normal" person and have
a credit card. WTF? You are a man who cannot keep a 5.00 bill in his
pocket for two seconds. You KNOW this and have admitted it to me
multiple times. You've got to spend it NOW! And all of it. You used
to constantly put us in the red w/our bank using your debit card when I
distinctly asked you not to. Then I had to pull a Supernanny and take
your debit card away until you needed it for gas and cigs.

You know I pride myself on being able to stick to a budget, and meeting
my financial obligations is my #1 priority. Good credit will get you
far in this world.

WAKE UP! You're 35 years old, for cryin out loud. Grow up. You're
not a normal person. And what makes you think that it's normal to have
a ginormous amount of debt like that? It's NOT normal.

I feel so betrayed and used. Here I was clutching my coupons and
calculator at the grocery store, not wanting to go outside our budget.
I went months and months with shin splints because I didn't want to
spend the money for new tennis shoes for my exercise class. We
desperately need a new bed and two doors for our house.

And here you are, traipsing to Cabellas and spending 2K in one night,
buying food and liquor for you and the boys while camping, and buying
video games. AT 21% INTEREST! OMG, I'm nauseous again.

I am so torn up over this. Because just by principle alone, I have to
break up with you. After 7 long years. All down the tube. All for
nothing.

You say it's your debt alone and you can "take care of it." Feh. I'll
believe it when I see it.

Actually, I won't be around. You're toast, buddy. I'm too old for
this shit. I want a man who is mature and knows how to handle his money
and not need a babysitter to handle his finances.

I'm sitting here crying because I just lost my best friend of 7 years.
I don't want to be alone at age 38. I don't want to start all over
again. I don't want you to go. I still love you beyond measure. But
you have to go. Just on principle alone.

I hope you find the life you're looking for. But you'll have to do it
without me.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

#1440 - You are doing the right thing. I married a man who can't keep $5 in his pocket without spending it either. And he lies through his teeth about $$. I wish I had done what you are doing. I applaud you.

Anonymous said...

#1433 - That's hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you 1440! When we got married he was 20k in the hole and I should have known then to run fast. As soon as we paid everything off he immediately ran us back up- double!! I think he keeps us broke in some lame attempt to keep me with him (If we're too broke she can't leave). It's not working, it only makes me want to leave more.

Wendy Richards said...

#1440-It will hurt for awhile. I just left a 2 year relationship, and it seems the long you're with the person, the more it all feels like such a waste. You will be in such a better place financially and emotionally once you are able to get past him.

Anonymous said...

#1433-Grow up.

#1435- What a whore.

Anonymous said...

Why do the whores come here to confess/profess what whores they are? Sickening!

Anonymous said...

#1440, I started over again at age 38. I ditched a spendthrift manchild who couldn't keep promises and preferred to wallow in his own fucked-up-ness rather than growing up and getting past the pain. And the morning after I moved out, I felt free for the first time in years. It was the best decision I ever made.

I also met the man I'm now married to. But I didn't need to meet him to make that the best decision of my life.

DO IT. GO. You can do it. You really, really can. It won't always be easy. Sometimes you'll be in so much pain you can hardly see straight. But it's so so so so so much better than trying to fill up a bathtub that he keeps emptying ...

Anonymous said...

1440 - I have no idea who you are but I'm so proud of you. You are absolutley doing the right thing and I hope you inspire others to take control also.
xx

Anonymous said...

1433-damn girl, you got balls!

Lizzie Lou said...

#1433 - sweeeet! ROTFLMAO! Wish to hell I'd thought to do that to my ex!

Anonymous said...

1433: priceless.

1440: you are unbelievably strong. so many women would just let a man ruin them financially. best of luck!!!

KimberlyDi said...

#1440

I found out that my husband had run up $20,000 on his credit cards. I gave him the ultimatum and gave up the extra money from my last few paycheck raises to start paying it off.

It sucks. And I'm afraid he's managed to get yet another card w/o my knowledge. I would get a credit monitoring service on his SS# if I could afford it.

Maybe the piece of mind would be worth the extra money.

I'm taking a huge gamble by staying with him. I hope it isn't all for nothing.

Good Luck

Anonymous said...

1440 - Separate yourself from that sinkhole and don't look back. IMHO, lack of honesty stems from being cowardly (or too lazy to face consequences) and disrespectful towards themselves (no pride) and others. Hearing the words "I love you" from a liar's mouth is difficult, and could potentially lead you to think less of yourself or become suspicious of anyone else's affection. You've got LOTS of life ahead of you, gather your strength and keep looking forward.

Anonymous said...

1433: that is great! you should send in another confession letting us know how that turned out :)