Wednesday, January 31, 2007

True Wife Confessions 152 degrees below zero

Confession #1511

You are the most wonderful man! I love that you cook
and clean, you do laundry, you vacuum (my most hated
chore) When I have the day off you tell me to just
relax, when you come home and see I've done work
around the house you tell me I shouldn't have, and
maybe I didn't need to to but you do it for me when
you have the day off and I don't. I love that you
grab our little man and change his diaper as soon as
you smell it, that you insisted in taking one turn
getting up each night to feed him when he was a
newborn. Watching you two play melts my heart. No
matter what you say, getting your degree 15 years
after you started is still a huge accomplishment and I
am so damn proud of you. Yes I like my job where I
am, but no I do not want you to give up your dream of
vet school so that I can stay there, this is a two way
street, we need the money so I'm going to find a
better paying job. I know it drives you crazy when I
spend hours online and you don't get it, but you let
me, you complain once in a while and tease me but you
never get obnoxious about it/. Other little things
like the way you take the time to make breakfast
sausage patties exactly like I like them, is the
reason I'm making the cookies today exactly the way
you like. I know I don't tell you often enough that I
appreciate you and all that you do for our family but
I do. I love you now and always.

Confession #1512

you were the boy i truly loved all of high school.
we both knew we were meant to be together, but for some never happened.
i dated others to make you jealous.
maybe it worked.
now, here we are, miles apart...
you think you've found the one.
and she is not me.
when you and i are together...
the chemistry is still as alive as the beginning.
even your mom asked me why we can't work out.
she loves me.
you tell me what an amazing wife i will be and ask me how many kids i want.
it breaks my heart. to know that i will never have you.
if you ever read this:
it's not too late.
come find me.
i still love you.

Confession #1513

dear you,

i will never understand your need to get away for a night. nor the fact that you can't go out and not drink. why is it so hard to say "no i'm driving" ? instead of not drinkin you think not comin home is a better option. well thank you for that. and you wonder why i would rather stay up at night than have sex with you. might have something to do with the fact that you act liek you dont want me around half the time. yesi realize you live here and we see each other everyday but we dont talk like we used to we just sit and do other things. i jsut dont understand you at all.

love me

Confession #1514

Open letter to my love:

Sometimes I worry that you love me more than I love you. We've been together
3+ years and I would never leave you. We're not married or engaged but I
we will be one day. I want it so badly and you do too,but we both agree the
timing isn't right right now...I'm also so scared of our futures, together
and separate.
I don't want you over there and I'm terrified that something will happen to
you. Mentally
and physically. Regardless, if worst comes to worst, I will be here for you
like you have for me.
You talk to me, you listen, you'll buy me things because they remind you of
me. (I really love the books!) I guess I'm just scared for us. I don't want
my doubts to bring us down. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm missing
something...But I know if I wasn't with you, I would be devastated. No one
else can measure up. Thanks for bearing with me, I love you.

Confession #1515

I married you because I loved you, because you said you loved me and you loved my daughter. I married you because I thought you were my best friend. I married you even when I knew we might have problems. I married you even after I found those magazines. I stayed even after I found them again. I stayed even after I started thinking you were cheating, after all of the "I'm tired's" "I have a headache's" You used to want me. You used to want me all of the time. I stopped making advances because I've had enough of being turned down. I haven't cheated. I wonder if you have, I wonder if you are. I'm pregnant with our child. Sometimes I wonder how you even managed to knock me up. I think we only had sex twice that month. I would leave you if I could afford to raise two kids by myself. We are supposed to start counseling next week. All I can think is "why bother, you are never going to be the man you promised you would be"

Part of me still loves you, but you are killing that part with each of those pictures.

Oh, That time I finally said something about how you would rather jack off to jessica simpson than to be with me, and you told me you werent attracted to me anymore, all I could think was, Hey, I'm not the one who's packed on 20 lbs since we got married.

I'm thin, intelligent and beautiful. When the fuck did you stop seeing it?

Confession #1516

You made love to me this morning for the first time in over three months, and it felt so good.

Please, please, please -- let's not wait that long ever again!

Confession #1517

I am so tired of your job taking so much out of you
that I have to take care of you (and our two children)
when you get home.
You give so much to your job and I am feeling short
changed to say the least.

Confession #1518

I am confession #374. It seems forever since I wrote in, and even
longer that it weighed down my heart and spirit. Finally, after
dealing with it by myself for so long, tonight I broke down to my
husband. I wanted to tell him before, but never quite knew how to. I
told him about the credit cards and the debt I had racked up. I
showed him the bag with the cut up cards in it. I showed him the new
budget I made for us. I was so afraid he was going to be incredibly
angry or even leave me. Instead he held me tight as I cried and said
he still loved me and always would. He thanked me for telling him and
said he had some suspicion of it. He held me and said he felt closer
to me now than ever before. It was such a wonderful feeling to be
wrapped up in his arms knowing my secret was out. I feel as though a
weight has been lifted off my shoulders now. We're going to overcome
this together. I'm so thankful for him, he's my everything. I love
you. Always and forever.

Confession #1519

That scratch on the truck I pretended not to have seen before... it
was me- I did it.... I knew when I did it and I didn't care. It was
a shopping cart that would barely fit between the curb and the side
of the truck. It was cold and the wind was blowing and I had to get
our daughter into her carseat. I didn't feel like wrestling with a
rolling shopping cart so I forced it and OOOPS it scratched the
truck. I don't care about it, I don't feel badly, and now I think
it's kind of funny. Now, since you are so anal about the truck, why
don't you get it fixed. You passive-aggressively suggested I should
find out what we need to do to fix it and I promise you that you
really don't want me to be in charge of that. Suggest it again and I
will takes a fucking sharpie marker and color it in!

Confession #1520

Okay – Here’s something from a guy. Yes I read those “confessions” and I must say that I have learned a lot from some of them. My ex could have actually written several. Some people are mean for no good reason.

My wife of 18 years wouldn’t talk to me about anything that bothered her. Her moods, her tone, her harsh words all told me something was wrong (or that I messed up somehow), but when I’d ask her, she’d reply, “I shouldn’t HAVE to tell you!”

Hello! I’m a man! When it comes to women, we’re stupid by nature! Seriously ladies, if you won’t tell us, we won’t know. I wanted to know so I could be the best husband any woman could ever want. But she wouldn’t talk about it. So I went to seminars, counseling, read books, attending men’s bible studies and retreats, all to learn how to be the man and husband and father that God wanted me to be. I even tried to learn her “Love Language”. Anything at all to please her. I learned what I could from her actions and comments and snide remarks and the way she’d talk about me in front of other people. What I learned was that I wasn’t successful enough – so I went back to school, got my degree, and got a better job. Still not enough, so I changed jobs to make more money and decrease our cost of living expenses. Still not enough so I studied by butt off and passed all the exams to get my professional license. I bought her houses, cars, horses, anything she asked for. Nothing worked. Don’t get me wrong – I was nobody’s lacky, but I did everything I could think of to please her. Her happiness was my number one priority. I helped out around the house and spent a lot of time with my kids. I actually enjoyed doing all of that. You see, I didn’t just learn all those things from the courses and studies, I actually became that man and applied all of it to my life to be the best husband and dad and man that I could be. It is now who I am.

The sex part? Well, after two kids and some medical issues, I learned to wait for her to initiate intimacy. Sometimes I waited as long as four years for her to warm up. (the kids are 7 ½ years apart) I never pushed, and I never once forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do. But I was always there if and when she needed me. For any reason. When she would finally initiate something, she let it be known quite clearly that this was a real chore or her and that I should be eternally grateful. She’d make comments like, “(sigh) Time to service my husband”. And then, “Will you just hurry up and finish!?!” “There. That should hold you for a while.” This really hurt since I was concentrating on her needs, not mine. It wasn’t long until I became very UN-interested. I know I wasn’t perfect. I’m no saint and made plenty of mistakes along the way, but I certainly didn’t deserve this!

Some people just don’t want to be happy. I continually asked her what it is that she wanted. What could I do to please her. She said she didn’t know. Then one day, she told me what she wanted by way of serving me with divorce papers. During the divorce, I learned quite a lot that I didn’t know before. Maybe I should have known, but I trusted her with everything. She had a couple of affairs, she ran up credit debt in excess of $125,000, and she had been funneling money away from our joint accounts for at least a year before serving me with those papers. Then she began spreading some rather horrendous lies about me to our friends, family, and even to my children. The kids figured it all out though, and they know their mom is a mean-spirited and vindictive person. They keep quiet out of fear. But everyone, including the courts, believe her stories. Now she’s moved to a different house with my daughter and refuses to tell me where. She actually neglected to tell me that they’d even moved at all.

So there you have it. The truth from the guy’s side of things. A lot of guys are just plain jerks. They deserve the bashing some of you are giving them. Some guys are actually decent. Ladies, if you really love your husband, please stop flirting and messing around with someone else. Get those ideas of a fling out of your head and focus all that energy on your husband. You’ll both be so much more the better for it.

My story does get better, though. I met someone knew and have since remarried. She’s the truest friend I have ever known. We can and do talk about anything and everything. I haven’t changed. I still treat my wife just like I believe God wants me to. The only difference is now I am married to someone who appreciates it and loves me back. She accepts and appreciates my love for her. There’s times when I believe that I never really knew what love was until I met her. She’s that amazing.

I believe that all of you women who write these confessions, or could have written some of them (you know who you are) should have your husbands read what is written here in this blog site. Then tell him that YOU wrote one of them, and let him try to figure out which one. Whether you actually posted here or not, very few of those men will recognize themselves. At least you’ll have something to talk about.

“Who, me?” “Oh baby, it ain’t that bad”. “Aww, c’mon, you’re over exaggerating!”

Of course, some may read something, think it is you, and start a nasty fight. (If that happens, I suggest letting him off the hook and calming him down).

My point is that some guys don’t realize what jerks they are being until someone tells him. If you, his wife, can’t tell him, then who can? I wasn’t a jerk in the early years of my marriage, but I could have been a lot better husband had my wife told me how she felt about things.

By the way, if you honestly communicate your feelings to your husband (talking, NOT nagging or bitching or complaining), but honest-to-God heart to heart sharing your feelings with him, and he still doesn’t care, then get help. You may need to get out. Also, if you’ve invested 8 years into the relationship, are living together (as husband and wife) and he still won’t marry you – then why are you wasting your time? (unless, of course, you don’t mind being used and taken advantage of).

Just something from a guy…….


Anonymous said...

To #1520 -

That was one of the best damn confessions I've ever read on this site. Thank you for giving us women a man's point of view.

Last but not least, congratulations on finding your true friend, love, and wife.

Anonymous said...

Confession #1513 I think this is about me, think I need to re-evaluate my home life. And to the guys confession well done

Anonymous said...

Terrific post, #1520 -- thanks for sharing it.

Anonymous said...

Does 1520 have a brother?

That was one of the best confessions in a long time. Congrats on finding the right woman.

Anonymous said...

1520: Thank you for your perspective.

I've confessed some things here, a couple of nice things about my husband and a couple of frustrated vents. But I didn't stop with the confessions and not say anything to him and let my frustration build. The things that have bothered me, I've talked to him about. The good confessions I've told him about. I want him to know when I appreciate him and when I get aggravated. It's helped. I just wanted to say that even though I've used this anonymous forum, my confessions didn't remain secret. I sort of figured my confessions were a dry run of a future conversation. Many women on here may not tell their husbands. But not all of us are silent to our sig others.

and 1518: Awesome. So glad you told him. And good for you coming up with a plan of action as well. You're a strong woman.

Anonymous said...

#1511 - does he have a brother?

Anonymous said...

To 1511: You are one lucky lady. Glad that you know that too!

to 1520: Even though it was a terrible ride for the years you were together, it made you a wonderful man to the very lucky woman who has you now! Wish there were more like you.

Anonymous said...

To #1520 I really enjoyed reading what you wrote. Great eye opener that all man are not dogs, and there are some good men out there. God bless you and your wife!!!!

Anonymous said...

#1520 - your post was terrific. Unfortunately there are just as many mean women out there as there are mean, nasty men. However, not all of us hate the men we are with. But sometimes you just can't fix what is broken. Even though you try and try and try. Doesn't mean you don't love him with all your heart and soul and more. Often women expect men to make them happy. It doesn't work that way. We have to make our own happiness before we can be happy with someone else. And some women are just bitchy because they never grew up and learned how to be a full-grown, independent woman. I am glad you finally found someone who loves you and appreciates you. Everyone should experience that type of friendship. Now, if you do have a brother, I do everything except cook.....

Anonymous said...

#1511 - Aw! Sweet. You made me re-appreciate some things my hubby does for me. Thanks.

#1518 - I'm so glad for you that you and your husband are working through this together!

#1520 - I think your point about communication is KEY to any successful relationship.

Anonymous said...

#1520 - your ex sounds like my SIL. My brother treats her the way you described, and she is still miserable. Did your ex start fights or always complain about other family members (your parents, siblings, etc...)? I'm curious.

#1513 (or whoever was talking about the husband not coming home) - honestly, I think you need to do some snooping. My first thought is that he may be cheating. I'm's just what you're describing is something I went through and I was gullible enough to believe he was just "too drunk" to drive home. He was actually just fine and sleeping at another woman's house. :(

Anonymous said...

#1520 - Amen brother! Glad you found happiness. I have wondered in the past few days about the women who post some of these things. Today it was #1531 - with an attitude like that, no wonder he wants to go away and drink.

It's funny that so many women want to complain about stuff and the next post is "Oh no I had an affair and my husband doesn't know but my husband is the best man ever."

It disturbs me.

Anonymous said...

why don't you call him?

Anonymous said...

#1518: Congratulations to you!!! That post brought tears to my eyes. I know how hard it is to come clean. You have a wonderful husband. I wish you many more years of hapiness!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm #1520.

Thanks for the kind comments. I was really surprised to see it posted.

Yep. She'd complain a lot and start a lot of fights. Then get even more angry when I would just walk away. I'd rather she think me to be a coward than to stoop to her level and say or do something I may regret later. She's the most negative person I had ever met.

My wife now? Absolutely amazing.
When she smiles at me with her eyes - oooo - I melt.

Amanda Nellie said...

Yes, the "I shouldn't have to tell you" problem.

As my husand puts it, he's waiting for me to tell him what I want. But if I tell him then it doesn't count because I'm asking. Therefore, I'm being a demanding bitch.

What's the solution? Hell, when I figure that out you can hear me talk about it on Oprah.

Anonymous said...

Amanda - it is all in how you tell him. Open up those lines of communication. So, "What does Amanda want?"

Try telling him while using your "Sexy Voice". You know which voice I'm talking about. I'll bet he hasn't heard it in a while. The best way to communicate with your spouse is to make it fun.


barefootblogger said...

To #1521:

I had a similar incident happen to me at 15 & even then I was scared shitless! A man told me he was in the house behind mine & could see what I was doing & when I was changing my clothes etc... I hung up on him & immediately called my Father, who came home from work & took over. Never did find out who the bastard caller was HOWEVER, I will never EVER forget how scared I was & how terrorized I felt over that loss of normalcy. You're brave to share that with us...
From the minute I heard about those poor boys I knew why they didn't run or attempt any sort of escape... it's a rough thing to be so scared that you're paralyzed with terror.
God bless that woman who helped you, God bless my Father who came to my rescue & God bless both those boys that they are now safe & sound in the arms of families who LOVE THEM!