For months, my heart was bogged down by the idea that I had made the biggest mistake in letting you go. I pined for you, yearned for you, whispered your name in every song I sang-regretted ever saying goodbye to you.
Now that I think about it, I wasn't in love with you. I was in love with the person you could've been. I was in love with the possibility that you were changed.
But really, I couldn't care less, anymore. I don't need you. The only thing you were good for was to teach me a lesson that I had been taught a million times before, but didn't really know or have the strength, to apply it into my everyday life.
After saying that final goodbye and shaking myself out of my grief, I came out stronger.
Thank you for not knowing how good you had it with me. Thank you for letting me down time and time again. I emerged a hell of a lot smarter and stronger because of it.
I may have been bruised, but I was not broken.
If anyone here is broken-it's you. Whether you realize it or not, whether you get fixed or not, I don't care because I'm not coming back. And you shouldn't waste my time coming back, either.
This is me, waving goodbye to your name entering my thoughts, goodbye to the hold you had on my heart, goodbye to your name rolling down my tongue and out my mouth. Goodbye.
Darling, when you helped me out with the garden on the weekend, I loved every minute of us working hard and creating something together. I just hope you did too and want to do more things like that, and not sit on your computer ignoring me.
I may have ended things with him. I am trying hard to forgive you and rebuild things. But I will always love him. I will always feel like I may have missed a wonderful chance at happiness.
OMG She just told me that I am going to be a grandmother. She is only 18. Where did I go wrong? I can't tell anyone yet. Not till we go to the Dr. on the 24th.
I want to tell you that:
I appreciate that you asked me to move in with you.
That you let 2 of my kids move in too.
That when I get in a huff about something and don't want to talk about it, you don't get in a huff too or pressure me to talk until I'm ready.
That you are trying to change your "been an old bachelor too long" habits for me (see above, huffy)
You have some annoying habits too but I think the good is outweighing the bad.
I really like like you.
I love you but sometimes when your off I just wish you'd go back to work
i love you and i want you to know that. we have close to the perfect life. you call me beautiful and sexy even when i feel disgusting and gross. i love being with you,and we sometimes spend hours just talking. after all these years, i can't imagine being this close to another human being.
but i'll always have that little voice that wonders if this is it. is this all it's supposed to be? isn't there supposed to be mad passion, and crazy lust? shouldn't bells ring and angels sing? did we settle at some point and are we cheating each other out of that kind of life? maybe it's me, maybe i'm not passionate or giving enough. i don't know. but i think i'll always wonder.
To my husband,
Sometimes I wonder if you really know who I am.
What is important to me? What is my favorite part of the year? Holiday?
What makes me really happy or sad?
Buying me things won’t make it better – loving me will.
It’s the simple things.
We don’t fight about the big things like money or sex.
It’s all those little things and I appreciate that lately you’ve been making an effort.
Thank you for trying and I hope I can try to be more forgiving
I am trying to love you for you. I don’t know why I am the way I am – why I over think things.
I do love you – help me fall back IN love with you
I know you love me.
I love you too. I love you more than life itself.
I know that you are scared of some things in our relationship.
So am I. But thats what makes us strong, overcoming our fears TOGETHER.
But I don't know how many more times i can "subtly" drop hints to you!
I want to get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and you know what, lately, I have started wanting to be the mother of your children.
I wish I could sue you for false advertising.
You made yourself seem like a great guy, the type that all woman love, The type that really listens to what I have to say, affectionate, horny, hard worker, helpful, respectful of my career and love for my child (from previous relationship), cleans after himself, takes care of himself and always says sweet things to me such as "Your so pretty, I'm so lucky to have you, I want to be with you forever", good at comminication.
I was stupid and married you when you asked, so quickly. I was so in love and blind. I thought finally, finally I met a real man. Boy was I wrong. Your the laziest, most inconsiderate, selfish, sloppy disgusting asshole I have ever met. That sure was a good show you put on to get me to marry you.
You fucked up my career. I had to wait so long to get licenced when we moved. I am getting licensed in a couple months. No thanks to you.
Each time we pay the bills down, you find some stupid expensive purchase that you do not need. Do you really need a 300.00 Razr phone with a blue tooth headset? That costs 300 and change. How do you have the balls to make a purchase like that when we all need health care and dental care? When we have all second hand furniture that has served its purpose and all of it is falling apart? Your phone was just fine. Just worn because you do not take care of things. You could not buy the 100.00 phone, could you?
You shave your face once per month or so and leave all your beard clippings all over the sink. I don't understand how your boss does not mind you showing up to work looking like a grizzly bear? You throw your clothes all over the floor when you take them off, and the toilet?
We had several fights about your toilet manners. How are you not embarrassed? I even hint now. There is a box of disinfectant wipes sitting right on the floor next to the bowl! You are a lazy useless piece of shit. It's not bad enough that you leave your piss and shit under the lid of our toilet, but you even have to go into my childs bathroom and do the same. You will not pick up one dish to wash, you will not wipe a counter or ever clean up your mess in the kitchen.
The only laundry you will do is your own.. and even that is a rarety. You will go out of your way to pick through the clothes in the dryer that you need to wear that day and leave the rest sitting in there unfolded.
Everytime we have gone out to eat. (which is rare) I always have had to pay because your pathetic ass is soo broke all the time. You are constantly ordering parts for a piece of crap truck. Yes I said it!! and it feels soooo good. Grow up you fucking loser!! How many 33 year old men do you ladies know, that ride around in falling apart a mini trucks ??? It's time to give it up and go buy a real car or truck. One that you do not have to fix every other fucking week! One that you can take your family out in. can you say... LOSER? Your truck looks so fucking dumb with the spray paint job you spent a week giving it. Maybe should have spent the 300.00 on a real paint job instead of a motorola RAZR phone?
Speaking of going out to eat, when your at work and I take my child out to eat and tell you about it. you whine that you did not get to go or get anything. I'm sorry but I do not need to only take my kiddo out when you can go. So now I lie about that. My child and I go out to eat every Friday. :) That is our time together. Kiddo and Me! It's not like you take us anyplace. The only reason why I do lie about taking kiddo out is because than you will see that I have money and you will do your best to drain it from me.
Everytime you think I have some money, your truck falls apart or something happens and you try to make me pay more bills. Guess what loser ass? I have been getting child support for my child again for a few months now. I put it away and you do not know. The statements go to a PO BOX I opened up. Hahahaha! Hey I have to do what I have to do for my child. Awhile back when I was owed alot of child support from ex, you said you sure could use some of that too that you help support my child too. YEAH right... This is how you help support my child financially. ............... exactly. You really don't do shit. The monthly bills (the ones you try to cheat me into paying more on) you would be paying anyways regardless of a child being around or not. I pay for the child's clothes and food. Once in a blue you buy groceries for him, or a shirt or two after I have to beg, but you try to wiggle out of groceries now by saying your never home to eat.. Than your stupid ass comes home and eats them all! yeah. So yes. The child support is buying him his clothes and things he may need and its NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, YOU FUCKING LEACH. The child support is something your dumb ass will never know about.
Do you remember that money I was owed? Yes, the one that was owed to me from even before I met you? The one that I told you when I get it, it would go to my school? The one that finally came when you were unemployed. Oh I bet you thought you hit the jackpot and would be able to wiggle out of your share of the bills. I bet you thought you were going to be rewarded for being an unemployed loser for one entire month and not look for a job until the last week of the month. I told you that I lost the the money. I LIED. The money is in a very safe place and I have been holding onto it for schooling and "just in case I need to leave you ASAP"
When we argue, you act like a complete idiot making your stupid faces. I hate when you are home. I wish you would just leave!
Sex? hahaha What sex? I have not had sex with this piece of garbage in over a year and one half. We never really had sex technically. He lasted 10 -20 seconds each time. He promised to get help and work on it and never did. That's right. I have been married close to 2 years and have not had sex in one and half years. There is no intimacy, no private shared moments. No effort to please your wife at all. Plenty of time for you to do things with your friends though. I stuck with you hoping you would change. What real man does not want to come home and fuck his wife? Not you, It's too much effort for you apparently to learn how to hold your load.. Your cock is nothing to write home about anyways. It's the smallest I have ever seen actually. I married you for your personality and you don't even have that anymore. If I wanted a roomate, I would have placed an ad in the paper, not got married.
Even if you were to after all of this time try to give me a good fucking.. I would turn you down. At this point, so late in the game, I'm not even the least bit attracted to you sexually or otherwise. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed (yes that is broken too) with you. You snore and cough and breathe your hot breath at me all night. Can't you be considerate and turn the other way? I mean I have to sleep the opposite way from you cramped in the same spot with the pillows up so that I don't feel your breeze on me.
I am sick and tired of you and your selfish loser ways. I have spent the last 2 years going without so that you can spend all of your money on bullshit! You could not even look for a job that has health insurance for you and your family? We all have to suffer for your stupidity.
If I am the one doing all of the cleaning plus paying half of the bills. (more than half) Can't you at least provide insurance? I am tired of my health not being cared about.
I am emotionally through with you and have been for some time. I hope to be rid of you very soon. but not until some health needs of mine are taken care of and I have all of the money in the bank that I need to get a place without you and have money for furniture. I am just going through the motions and trying to be nice to you in the meanwhile. You and your Losermobile of a truck can be happy all on your own.
had you been like this before you asked me to marry you, there is no way in hell that I would have married you and I am sure that you know this. That is what I call false advertising.