Friday, January 05, 2007

True Wife Confessions 143 resolutions already left behind...

Confession #1421

You know that guy in my course at Uni, with the long, blonde hair? He
was up for it, we talked about it, and I would have had sex with him if
the opportunity arose. I know it would have been mindblowing too.

Confession #1422

Honey,

You are amazing!

You cook. You clean. You change diapers. You are responsible with your money and your choices. You are faithful. You love your family. You enjoy spending time with mine. You support me and encourage me and are there for me. You go out of your way for me. You make the bed. You call to say you love me. You never complain. You are incredibly patient. You keep up-to-date with my Crohn's treatments.

We rarely fight and when we do, you always make sure that we touch each other while we talk it through and that we resolve it before we sleep. We never storm out or leave angry and you've been late to work before so that I knew that you loved me and would never leave me and everything would be okay. You are thoughtful and loving, sweet and considerate, affectionate.

You volunteer romance - taking dance classes with me, learning a language together, moving to France one day, going to dinner, having a picnic, taking a hike, re-creating our first date, etc. You have a fun spirit: our first two dates were rock climbing. You are handy - you love fixing things and what's better is that you are GOOD at making things work better than they did before. You do incredible wood and metal work and you are excessively creative. You write a breathtaking love letter, you bound a beautiful book, you take a lovely photograph, you are wonderful and inventive and original and artistic. You give good sound advice. You are a good friend.

You are a giving and generous lover. You rub my feet and go down on me and massage my back and kiss my neck and touch me tenderly...just because. You constantly are astounded when you orgasm after a blowjob, thanking me for hours and telling me how good it was. I love to make love to you and to touch you and be yours.

I love you more than life itself.

And I am so excited that we are getting married in just a few short months. We took our time getting to this point in our relationship - living in separate countries, exploring our own dreams, going to college, the like - and I think that it's made us stronger and given us a healthier relationship.

I love you, honey. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Confession #1423

Do you remember when we were dating, and I
discovered porn on our computer? We had the
biggest fight we've ever had. I almost left you
that day. I told you in no uncertain terms that
you needed to choose between porn or me. I told
you that that is someone's baby girl on that
video, being victimized and raped by the industry
in which she works. I told you that I would not
be with a man who could overlook the
victimization of the porn "stars" and I demanded
that you make a choice.

You chose me, and here's my confession. I
checked up on you for a long time. I went
through your computer with a fine-toothed comb,
making sure you had taken me seriously. I don't
check any more, though, because you meant it when
you chose me and now are just as anti-porn as I
am.

Thank you.

Confession #1424

Deleted by author's request

Confession #1425

reading #1416 was soul affirming. I read and read and think WOW sometimes, and I am so appreciative that's not me. She, on the other hand, hit too close to home. Where is the line where you settle for what's not what you dreamed of but what you can live with? I remember when life had a guilded glint of gold to everything, even the bad, but it seems you give and give until there is no more you or them. All that's left is some idea of what you thought love, and life was supposed to be like, and WHAM! guess what you have settled. Don't want to start over and don't want it to end. Huge conundrum. I love my man, I just question the line-where I forgot to love myself first and him last.


Confession #1426

I am sick of you taking no part in decorating or taking down the Christmas tree.

Confession #1427

I hate myself for feeling this way. Please know that I never could have predicted this. My mother didn't raise me to want to be a traditional wife and mother. She despised that role. She made me believe that ALL women hated it and were merely pretending to enjoy it. She worked as much as she could to escape us. To escape what she perceived to be the drudgery and the loss of herself.

So when we married I was career girl. I made twice as much money as you and could care less that you weren't financially successful. I had my own money, right? You were everything else I could want, a thousandfold over. And to this day you love me more than I could have dared even dream a man would love me.

But now we have three kids and I don't want to work, I want to be a traditional wife and mother. We rent in an expensive neighborhood so our children can get the best education possible. I am a minority at the school when it comes to working. Most of the moms are stay-at-home moms and can devote the attention to their families that I cannot. And as our amazing children have grown all I want to do is quit my job and take care of you all. You too!!! I find myself WANTING to clean up after you, to cook for you, to spend time thinking about how I'm going to please you at night. But you just don't make enough money for that to be possible. We NEED both of our incomes to survive. Not for luxuries...to survive. And I'm so utterly exhausted and resentful. I want what all the other mothers around me have. I want it so badly that it makes me cry. Because I know I can't be both breadwinner and the mother/wife I want to be. I just don't have the literal time in a day it would require.

I feel like a man in a sexless marriage who is constantly surrounded by men who are getting it all the time. The envy, the jealousy can just consume me at times. This is not who I want to be. I want to appreciate what an amazing, wonderful man you are. Because you ARE. I should be thanking my lucky stars every day that you're with me for another day. But instead I angrily obsess on your lack of ambition and wonder what my life would be like if I actually had the time to devote to my family that I want. It's not that you aren't brilliant. It's not that you aren't a hard worker. You just aren't ambitious and you don't chase better opportunities like I do.

If it makes you feel any better I do hate myself for feeling this way. And sometimes I really hate my mother for not preparing me for the heartache of leaving my children to go to work. Clearly it didn't bother her one bit. But every time I do it, a little bit of me dies.

Signed,
Wanna be traditional wife

Confession #1428

I love you. You are my best friend and our relationship is great except for this one thing.

Since I got pregnant, you are not in the least bit sexually attractive to me. In fact, I could care less if we ever have sex again.

But I still masturbate all the time.

Confession #1429

To all readers:


Tomorrow my 30 year old friend will be buried. She was a stellar mom, and wife. She was not sick. It was just a freak thing.

The point to all of this-Perspective. Make everyday count. If you are in a unhealthy or just plain bad situation, CHANGE IT.

If you are like me and have it pretty good, just get a little frustrated some times, do not take the people in your life for granted. Trust me I get sooo pissed off at my husband sometimes (last night he actually got mad at me for not wanting to have sex in the middle of all this-dickhead!!!!).

Strangely my friend had talked to her husband about what her wishes would be if she were to die. This eliminated any tough decisions he and her family had to make.

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT YOUR WISHES ARE. Make sure your kids are protected.

Lastly- do not wait for someone to make you happy. Do it yourself. You never know when your number is up.

Confession #1430

My dear husband:

I write this here because I don't think I can ever tell you all of this. I just don't think I'll be able to make you understand why I feel this way, but I hope by writing it, I'll be able to move forward. I guess I think it will seem trivial to you, so I'm scared to tell you because I'll be disappointed in your reaction, but hasn't this always been the case? Our pattern has been to bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is OK, so I don't know why this should be any different.

We've been married for 15 years. You are a wonderful husband and father. Our kids are so lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you, but (and there always is a "but", right?) I've seen things in you this year that have made me re-evaluate my "vision" of who we are. You know how you think there are things about each other that you know are true? I used to think I knew, to a certain extent, who you were, but I was wrong. Now I understand why planning a vacation every year was tense. Now I know why it always ended up in a fight. You finally, after all these years, admitted that vacations stress you out and it's not something you look forward to. All these years you let me think we were on the same page, but we weren't. All these years I thought you enjoyed them as much as I do, but you don't. Now that I know this, how can I even think about doing it again? I realized during our trip this summer that you would rather hang out with the children than get to know my family. I learned that you just can't have a good time away from home - and it showed. I should have known that convincing you to go would create problems. It was embarrasing to have to tell everyone that, yes, you were having a good time, even though I knew you weren't. Your ambivalence shows, even though you don't think so. I don't think I can ever ask you to visit family again, because you obviously don't find it enjoyable. I could definitely understand this if they were unstable or weird, but even you say that this isn't the case. I don't think we'll ever go on a "family vacation" again because I don't have the strength to push the issue.

I'm hurt that you don't trust me enough to tell me how you really feel. I'm very angry at myself for not figuring this out a long time ago.

I learned that I can't count on you to tell me when you disagree with me. You just let me think that you agree, but then you do what you want anyway. I never know what happened or what you're thinking. I get no feedback from you, even when I ask. You say you're happy, but you don't act like it. I watch you with the kids and you're so good with them it makes me jealous sometimes. You are so funny, tender and loving with them that I hurt because I know that you can't be like that with me. You used to be, but now even you say that it's easier to deal with the kids than with me. I refuse to be the kind of wife who always picks and nags. You should be thankful for that. But by not nagging and continually trying to get you to talk to me, I end up isolating myself and feeling so alone. Once the kids go to bed, all conversation stops and the television is the only thing that you seem to be interested in. I can't tell you the number of times I watched you and wondered if you really care about me, or just need a babysitter when you go to work.

The children won't need us much longer. They'll move on with their own lives and then what do we do? You don't want to travel, you don't want to have any adult friends to socialize with, you don't even want to take me out for dinner alone. I convinced myself that you were ashamed of me because you stopped telling me about invitations to parties or social events. You simply turned them down and now we don't get invites anymore. You never asked me if I would like to go. I told you how I felt about this one time and you never denied it, so I figured I was right. Now, I think that maybe it's you. Maybe I should feel better knowing this, but I don't. I'm angry that you let me believe that I somehow embarrased you, even though I couldn't understand why. I'm angry because I convinced myself that I must have been doing something wrong or you would be proud of me, like I am proud of you.

So - this is why I've been sad. This is why the new year scares me. I'm so scared about what our future holds. The uncertainty of where I stand with you and where we stand together is frightening. This is why I fight back tears at some point almost every day. I hope that you can understand me, even though I don't think you want to. I think that examining these kinds of issues is way outside your comfort zone and this is something you simply refuse to do. Even so, I'll never leave. I love you with all my heart. I know the kind of man you are capable of being. I want to feel close to you, but now I think that it will never happen. Now I think it was all just an illusion and that I never really was as close as I thought. So, I'll continue to be respectful, loving and polite, which is what seems to be the "status quo" with us, but you have to know that we could be so much more, if only you could let me in. I really do love you.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

To 1428:

I'm not sure it will be the same for you but maybe by reading this, it will give you some hope. I am pregnant with my second child. Both times (and actually worse this time around) I have felt the same as your confession expresses. Even if I try to please my husband and vice-versa, I am not satisfied. I would rather masturbate to get off. However, at least the first go round, my drive and reaction to him returned.
For now, love your BOB (battery operated boyfriend) or other accoutrements !

Anonymous said...

thank you for telling me these things
i hope to see you soon.

Anonymous said...

#1427 - I feel you, sister. I cried every single morning I left our daughter at the babysitter's for her entire first year. It breaks my heart to think about starting that cycle all over in April when our son will be born. I hate that our house is never as clean as I would like it to be, that I only get to play outside with our daughter on weekends--which means I've missed millions of opportunities for sledding, swinging, gardening, and kite-flying. I would love to have long tea parties with our daughter, play Candyland, can produce, make jams and jellies, sew a little more, in short, do all the things my mom and grandmothers did with/for their families. But instead I trudge to and from my full-time job so we can have decent housing, health insurance, and food. I certainly don't resent what my husband does. In fact, I can't imagine him being anyone else--he has a unique set of talents and abilities and ambition that make him perfect for farming. I just wish that farming paid enough to support a family. Maybe once we get out of the 'just getting started' stage, things will improve. Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who's working out of need and hating every single second of it. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Confession #1423
"that is someone's baby girl on thatvideo, being victimized and raped by the industry in which she works"

I don't want to start an endless debate but women working in porn is a choice. You may not like it, but it is a choice. Sure it isn't the greatest job in the world, but neither is working minimum wage at a burger place.
----------------------------------
Confession #1428

It's I couldn't care less.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very glad I'm not married to #1423. With the pronounced difference between me and my wife's (hell, most women's) sex drives, beating off to porn is the one thing that prevents me from going completely, utterly insane.

miracle seeker said...

#1430

My heart aches at the loneliness in your post. Is there any chance that your husband is depressed? The way he doesn't want to go anywhere, doesn't find much joy in any interactions other than with the kids....makes me wonder. Sounds like he doesn't go anywhere with anyone, not just you, since you mentioned the lack of friends too.

I'd bet good money that this guy is depressed as hell and the kids draw him out better than anyone/anything else.

The question is, if he isn't very communicative, getting him to even verbalize that much.

Anonymous said...

to 1427

Most of us who say home instead of working outside the home, afford to do so because we've made the choice to give up some of those luxuries and perks of the two-income household.

It comes down to what is necessary and what isn't. What is worth the money and what isn't.

Money, impressive houses, and expensive schools won't magically make your children better than other kids, nor will it ensure they have some guaranteed posh future.


The argument so many of you working mothers use "I can't afford to quit my job" rings false to those of us who make do with less. It would be different if you were living in a non-expensive subdivision and had your kids in regular, free public education, and were barely making ends meet. But you're not. So quit whining.

Anonymous said...

I love coming here to read all of these posts - but the ones that are SO LOOOOOOOOOONG are killing me. Is anyone else thinking of skipping those? WOW.

Anonymous said...

1422: i wish all men were that way. count your blessings you've found one and never let him go!

1429: i completely agree.

Anonymous said...

To 1427
Ditto, ditto, ditto!

To 1:44
I'm glad that you have the opportunity to stay home. Please try to understand that some people truely do not have that opportunity. My husband has minimal education and earns relativly low wages. If I were to quit my job, our family income would fall by 65%. We absolutely could not "make do" on my husband's income alone.

Anonymous said...

To 1427. Ignore the heifer that previously posted. She is a pompous judgmental windbag. She apparently did not read the part where you stated that YOU are the primary breadwinner. Some stay at home mothers are very judgemental, as are some working mothers. I've seen it now from both sides.

My husband and I worked our asses off to be able to afford a home for our children in a high end housing market. That home was a two bedroom condo. Moving to a "cheaper neighborhood" would have added hours to our respective commutes. As it is/was 40 to 90 minutes each way depending on traffic to jobs that had living wages. We are scrimpers, savers and cupon cutters, vegatable growing in our backyard family.

I get very angry when someone sputters such drivel as "well if you just made some sacrifices..."

Newsflash: we all make choices and sacrifices for our families. I too was raised believing that I should be happy as a working mother. I tried and I worked and I have a retirement account now which is good, but best of all we have gotten to a point where my husband works just one job, and we can live on his primary wage and I am home with the kids- and am questioned almost daily about "when are you going back to work?"

I don't plan to until my kids our out of high school. I want to be available to take them to sports practice without sweating how I'm going to make up the time that I miss or tossing a coin to see who gets to stay home with the sick kid this time.

1427, I hear ya, been there, done that. My suggestion to you is to see if your hubby can find a job with benefits even if they suck. Then you find a way to take a cut in pay and work part time, or become a contractor and work from your home. If you can find some way to cut the Daycare costs for your kids, you can afford that cut in pay. Plus with that extra time, you'll cook more, have more time to shop sales and save money.

Talk to a financial planner, bring all your expenses and cash flow to the table and ask them to help you find a way. You may not be able to quit, but you may be able to scale back how much you work.

Take care and keep your chin up, I'm in your corner.

Laura aka Supermom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Burn in hell all you SAHMs who think I work so we can afford fancy things. FYI, our home was a bank foreclosure (good price), my car will turn over 200,000 miles next week, our children will definitely be going to public school, we only occasionally eat out, I am a careful grocery shopper/meal planner, have never taken an actual hotel-staying, eating-out vacation--we go camping every year though. And as far as furniture/appliances, we have purchased one chair, a (used) refrigerator, a computer (so I could work at home two days a week when our dd was born), a new washing machine, and a new mattress set (full size) for ourselves. Everything else is hand-me-downs. Neither my DH or I make enough to live on alone--it takes both of our incomes. So shut your holier-than-thou, know-it-all, bitchy traps and come walk in my shoes for a month before you spout your 'it's all about the choices you make' drivel.

44 years of choices said...

5:27, who is holier than thou? You did make choices, too bad they were a lot earlier in life. Did you take your high school studies seriously? Did you continue your education and get a degree? Have you encouraged your spouse to take classes at night to get a degree? Did you really make all the "right" choices from the time you were in high school and soon there after? More importantly at this point are you ensuring your children are making the right choices and will continue to do so as they mature so one day you won't be reading your daughter's, or daughter in-law's, post on a website like this? You make choices, some are immediate such as what to eat or wear, others are more long lasting such as whether to pursue an education and advance degrees to add value to yourself and you marketability in a career. Before going off on others look in the mirror and honestly say you have made the "right" choices, including education, career and spouse, for where you are right now, this moment. If so then what do you care what others say. If not, do something about it.

Anonymous said...

I don't read the real long ones either.

Anonymous said...

To 1424:

Get out. Now. As fast as you can. If he hurt you once he will hurt you again guaranteed. There is no excuse for physical violence from either side and no reason for anyone to have to take it. If your relationship is at that point then it's over. Period. End of story. Run. I don't care how much money he makes or how good the sex is.Or how much he apologizes. Nothing is worth it. He hurt you once. He will do it again and again. You don't have to live in fear. There are too many nice guys out there who are sweet and gentle and kind and you don't have to be afraid of. Call a friend. Call a shelter. Call a therapist. But get the hell out of that house and that relationship.

Anonymous said...

6:09 - Yes, actually I have made good choices. I graduated third in my high school class and have a bachelor's degree from a prestigious Jesuit university. I've been offered jobs that pay more than what I'm making now, but they would require me to sacrifice far too much family time. (Besides, if I had accepted those jobs, I would have been typecast as a career woman who didn't care about her family) My husband has two agriculture degrees. He works hard, is very good at what he does and has a definite, workable vision for the future of our farm and family. We have very little personal debt (mostly mortgage and a few thousand dollars left of my student loans). So yes, with the exception of one minor bad purchase (a car), we have made the right choices for our family. And our daughter is doing just fine, too. I didn't mean to be projecting a 'poor me' attitude, and I don't usually pay attention to what other people think. But after having been flamed for voicing my heartaches and wishes, I couldn't help myself. I guess that's what I get for trying to affirm #1427 and let her know she's not alone. I apologize for my previous name-calling.

12:02 and 5:27

Anonymous said...

This is 1427. This was my first and hopefully only confession. I want to thank all the wonderful women who let me know I wasn't alone. Just knowing you are out there and that you understand really comforted me.

I won't go into lengthy details about my situation but suffice it to say we already cut every available corner we can (we live in the 2nd most expensive city in the US--it's HARD to be middle class here but we were both born here and love our families too much to move).

I'm sorry that some SAHMs have to be so mean in order to justify their own decisions--I don't fault any mother who is doing the best *she* is able to do. 1:44 my kids ARE in public school already, just one that's better than some of the horrible ones in my county.

My confession was about the guilt I feel because I (bitterly at times) resent my husband--who is a good, decent man and unfortunately chose a career-of-love (teacher) in an area where the AVERAGE cost of a home is $700k. We're talking 1200sq ft here.

Ironically, the only people driving SUVs and drinking Starbucks around here are the other SAHMs--not me! (Yeah--I'm just jealous of that part, I admit it).

And also--we all come from different backgrounds with different expectations. I honestly was taught my whole life that SAHMs were lazy freeloaders. I do not believe that at ALL now and I fully understand the sacrifice women make for their families and how much children and family can benefit from it. Why presume I didn't plan or make right decisons? Why assume I didn't go to school? I spent my early 20s doing nothing BUT working hard and going to school. And now, my student loan payments are as high as a mortgage--my unbankruptable student loans. So it wasn't poor planning. This WAS my plan. This was who my husband married, who he is proud of and who he is happy with.

*I* was the one that changed.

I respect all of you as mothers--even ones that insulted me. With all the neglected and abused children in this world I can never get mad at women who are so passionate about their babies.

Sorry this got so long. It's the first time I've really said any of it outloud. I'm sure I will reconcile this in my heart and figure it out somehow. We all have our regrets to live with.

And to Laura--he did stay home when our daughter was an infant and our marriage almost ended. He felt emasculated and was miserable and says he just cannot do that again.

Anonymous said...

To 7:19:

This is 1424. I've posted here before, under another number - 1375. It kills me that the two posts are so different, yet they go from an underlying issue, to a full-fledged dangerous PROBLEM.

How it started was, he called me a bitch (common coming from him when we fight), I snapped and tried to smack him in the face, he blocked the smack, and grabbed my neck like he was going to strangle me. He pushed me hard to the bed, held me down with both arms, and called me a bitch again screaming in my face.

He has since apologized profusely, and I have no worries that it will happen again, but I am keeping my guard up. If he so much as raises his hand to me again, I'm gone.

Anonymous said...

You think it wont happen again? Yeah right. You're a victim of domestic violence. Have some respect for yourself and leave before he kills you.

Anonymous said...

I'm giving him one last shot. He's not going to kill me, he's not even going to do anything like it again - but like I said, if he does, I'm gone. Out the door. We have no kids, so that won't be a concern. But I will seriously be out the f*cking door if he ever did anything like it again. He didn't hit me, he just grabbed my neck and shoved me down. There's a difference.

Isn't there?

Anonymous said...

No!

Anonymous said...

2:10 AM (1424)

No. There is no difference. You are afraid of him. Enough said. He will do it again....harder and meaner and much nastier. By staying you are letting him know that it's OK to abuse you.....both emotionally and physically. I wouldn't spend 2 seconds with a man who called me a bitch. Some things you just don't put up with. Ever.

Anonymous said...

I'm a SAHM, and I am SO SORRY for you (the one who said she wishes she could stay home) I know how lucky I am that I get to stay home. There have been a efw times when I thought I would have to go to work because we got into some tight financial situations. I've been lucky so far and haven't had to do it. The only advice I have is to ask if there is a possibility of maybe working from home (you would still need childcare--but maybe a nanny that came to your house for a few hours?) Anyway--also, where we live, a lot of moms do job sharing. Two people split one job. The company wins, because neither is a full time employee, so they don't have to provide benefits, and the two people just split the salary (I don't know if that would be enough with your husband's salary to make it). Other than that, you might be able to make staying at home work, but not right this minute. It might mean you have to wait until you finishing paying off whatever (like for us, we needed to pay off a car to have some extra cash each month). So, it could be several years before you could make it work. I don't know what industry you are in, but you are probably pretty good with money, since you are the main breadwinner--so all of this is probably stuff you have already thought of. It is just really hard when you feel differently than you did when you got started (I thought I would LOVE being married to a military guy. Now I want him to get out--too late) But that doesn't mean it is bad for you too feel that way. It is TOTALLY OK for you to be sad, resentful, angry etc. You can work on those emotions and try not to let them affect your family, but that doesn't mean that they aren't valid. Your feelings and frustrations ARE valid, and it is ok for you to vent them. Good luck to you. I will pray that you win the lottery this month (really--I am going to pray that!) I hope you find a way to work it out! DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WHATEVER YOU FEEL!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could job share and the person you share with could switch off child care with you? (Wouldn't it be so GREAT if it was JUST THAT EASY to make it happen?) Good luck. Cut yourself a break. And, give your husband a chance to prove to you that he loves you no matter what. Maybe he fell in love with the driven career girl, but I bet he would love you even if you said you wanted to stay home. If he is as great as you say (I'm sure he is), he wouldn't have less respect for you if you wanted to quit your job! I'm not saying you should (because right now it doesn't sound like you can) but I think you should talk this over with your husband. Just kind of tell him they way you wrote it. You don't even have to mention that you feel angry at him for not making more money. Just say you are angry at your mom for not preparing you for the feelings, and that you wish you could stay home. Even if you can't do it, I think your relationship might benefit from sharing the feelings with him. Who knows? He might come up with some genius idea to make it work. Or together, you might think of something.

Anonymous said...

I'm a SAHM who was raised by a very capable single mom. I know both sides of the story and really hate that there is a rivalry between the two. Some women choose to stay at home while other women (like my mom) never had that choice. I feel lucky that I have the opportunity to be with my children while they are young and can spend as much time with them as I do. There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding as to what it takes to be a SAHM, though. Since I don't want to come off as condescending or irreverent, I will only say what MY experiences have been.

Staying at home has been only a partial choice for me as the cost of daycare for two children would eat up most of what I would make. Being a single-income family has left us with little extra money to do things that many two-income families can do- like go on a vacation every year or have a semi-decent wardrobe. Not that those things are at the top of my priority list, but on occasion they would be nice.

Also, we live at least 1000 miles from ANY family. We're transplants in the Midwest. That means half the year it's freezing cold outside. These two things have made my life very lonesome at times. The other SAHM's I have met generally are scary-religious or wealthy thirty-somethings. There aren't too many like me around and it's been real hard to find anyone with similar interests as me. When I do meat another nice mom, the topic is almost always about child rearing. For someone who is interested in things like philosophy and politics this can be frustrating. I initially started taking classes in college again just to talk to adults!

While being a SAHM can be very rewarding, it can also be very lonely and at times mind-numbing. I don't begrudge any working mom for working because I do understand that sometimes it just isn't a choice. I wanted to respond to this because there seemed to be some mud-slinging from both sides. For me it is important to keep in mind that each side has it's upside and downside and that neither is right for everybody.

Anonymous said...

Wowie! For women who are all guilty of partaking in at least one guilty pleasure (TWC), there sure are some awfully self-righteous people on here, eh?
I'm currently a SAHM. I've been a working mom. I hated working, but can't say I "love" staying at home. But I know it's what's best for my family. And I am fortunate to be able to. Yeah, we have made a lot of sacrifices and we've also made a lot of mistakes. All of us have. Some of us just have to pay for them in different ways. Everyone feels passionately about their decisions. Just because you can stay at home, doesn't mean everyone can. You and your family are completely different from everyone else's family. My family can live decently on $40K per year. In other areas, that would put us in the ghetto on welfare.
My point is, if you don't know all the facts....Quit judging. Your life is screwed up somewhere, too.

Anonymous said...

#1424 - leave now, find a way, beg for help from friends, family, anyone. I lived in fear for almost 10 years...I still get scared when I see someone that looks like "him". Leave leave leave. No matter how many times he says sorry, he will do it again.

Anonymous said...

Just went back and read the comments FROM 1424. You're wrong. He will do it again. I didn't even get a neck hold for about 3 years, just pushes and shoves.. RUN RUN for your LIFE!

Anonymous said...

1424 -
I don't think there is much difference between your first post and 2nd post (1375 and 1424). You need to get out of that relationship girlfriend. He probably already has another woman....

Anonymous said...

1424, please leave. Trust me, he will do it again. I've been doing domestic violence cases for 20 years. I have never seen a case where the violence STOPS. Unless there is counseling that HE SINCERELY WANTS TO PARTICIPATE IN. Forced counseling does no good and only breeds more anger.

Three of my clients lie in lonely graves right now. They all stayed through escalating violence.

But you won't listen, and he will do it again, and you'll look back sadly at the wasted years or months that you could have been putting your life back together with a kind, gentle man. That is if you are lucky and he doesn't kill you.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I agree with 6:45 and 11:02 I question my ability (as a person)to have kids or not to have them almost every day. I thought I made that decision a long time ago. Things change, and so do people. Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

This is 1424 again.

I can't leave him right now, I'm trapped, in more ways than one - that I can't explain here because he now reads this. I've asked the creator of this site to take down my posts to save myself more trouble.

Plus, I love him and I've taken a vow to love him for the rest of my life. One fight that turned physical can't be enough to end my marriage. One more will though, as i said. Just one more, and I'm gone, forever.

Thank you, girls, for your feedback. I appreciate every one of you.

Anonymous said...

1427 et al. What does it say that a teacher can't afford to live in the same community in which he teaches? Our country's priorities are so lopsided.

Anonymous said...

5:27

"Burn in hell" is a bit harsh, don't you think?

And "dd" and "dh"? Am I the only one who is FUCKING ANNOYED with that shit?

Who talks like that?

Oh, my dear husband...blah blah blah.

Ugh.

Anonymous said...

1424 - he will do it again! My daughter was in an abusive marriage. He started by punching holes in the walls, last Christmas he broke her glasses, later pushed her - she eventually left for a little, she took him back and he broke her arm!!! IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE!!!!!!! LEAVE BEFORE YOUR FAMILY HAS TO PLAN YOUR FUNERAL!

Anonymous said...

1430:

It is almost like I wrote this. I am not as angry as I used to be. I just go with the kids and leave him home. Sometimes it hurts a little but I refuse to stop visiting my family because of him. I accept that it is just his nature. He is anti-social. I am not. I hope you can get pat it too.