You know that guy in my course at Uni, with the long, blonde hair? He
was up for it, we talked about it, and I would have had sex with him if
the opportunity arose. I know it would have been mindblowing too.
You are amazing!
You cook. You clean. You change diapers. You are responsible with your money and your choices. You are faithful. You love your family. You enjoy spending time with mine. You support me and encourage me and are there for me. You go out of your way for me. You make the bed. You call to say you love me. You never complain. You are incredibly patient. You keep up-to-date with my Crohn's treatments.
We rarely fight and when we do, you always make sure that we touch each other while we talk it through and that we resolve it before we sleep. We never storm out or leave angry and you've been late to work before so that I knew that you loved me and would never leave me and everything would be okay. You are thoughtful and loving, sweet and considerate, affectionate.
You volunteer romance - taking dance classes with me, learning a language together, moving to France one day, going to dinner, having a picnic, taking a hike, re-creating our first date, etc. You have a fun spirit: our first two dates were rock climbing. You are handy - you love fixing things and what's better is that you are GOOD at making things work better than they did before. You do incredible wood and metal work and you are excessively creative. You write a breathtaking love letter, you bound a beautiful book, you take a lovely photograph, you are wonderful and inventive and original and artistic. You give good sound advice. You are a good friend.
You are a giving and generous lover. You rub my feet and go down on me and massage my back and kiss my neck and touch me tenderly...just because. You constantly are astounded when you orgasm after a blowjob, thanking me for hours and telling me how good it was. I love to make love to you and to touch you and be yours.
I love you more than life itself.
And I am so excited that we are getting married in just a few short months. We took our time getting to this point in our relationship - living in separate countries, exploring our own dreams, going to college, the like - and I think that it's made us stronger and given us a healthier relationship.
I love you, honey. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
Do you remember when we were dating, and I
discovered porn on our computer? We had the
biggest fight we've ever had. I almost left you
that day. I told you in no uncertain terms that
you needed to choose between porn or me. I told
you that that is someone's baby girl on that
video, being victimized and raped by the industry
in which she works. I told you that I would not
be with a man who could overlook the
victimization of the porn "stars" and I demanded
that you make a choice.
You chose me, and here's my confession. I
checked up on you for a long time. I went
through your computer with a fine-toothed comb,
making sure you had taken me seriously. I don't
check any more, though, because you meant it when
you chose me and now are just as anti-porn as I
Deleted by author's request
reading #1416 was soul affirming. I read and read and think WOW sometimes, and I am so appreciative that's not me. She, on the other hand, hit too close to home. Where is the line where you settle for what's not what you dreamed of but what you can live with? I remember when life had a guilded glint of gold to everything, even the bad, but it seems you give and give until there is no more you or them. All that's left is some idea of what you thought love, and life was supposed to be like, and WHAM! guess what you have settled. Don't want to start over and don't want it to end. Huge conundrum. I love my man, I just question the line-where I forgot to love myself first and him last.
I am sick of you taking no part in decorating or taking down the Christmas tree.
I hate myself for feeling this way. Please know that I never could have predicted this. My mother didn't raise me to want to be a traditional wife and mother. She despised that role. She made me believe that ALL women hated it and were merely pretending to enjoy it. She worked as much as she could to escape us. To escape what she perceived to be the drudgery and the loss of herself.
So when we married I was career girl. I made twice as much money as you and could care less that you weren't financially successful. I had my own money, right? You were everything else I could want, a thousandfold over. And to this day you love me more than I could have dared even dream a man would love me.
But now we have three kids and I don't want to work, I want to be a traditional wife and mother. We rent in an expensive neighborhood so our children can get the best education possible. I am a minority at the school when it comes to working. Most of the moms are stay-at-home moms and can devote the attention to their families that I cannot. And as our amazing children have grown all I want to do is quit my job and take care of you all. You too!!! I find myself WANTING to clean up after you, to cook for you, to spend time thinking about how I'm going to please you at night. But you just don't make enough money for that to be possible. We NEED both of our incomes to survive. Not for luxuries...to survive. And I'm so utterly exhausted and resentful. I want what all the other mothers around me have. I want it so badly that it makes me cry. Because I know I can't be both breadwinner and the mother/wife I want to be. I just don't have the literal time in a day it would require.
I feel like a man in a sexless marriage who is constantly surrounded by men who are getting it all the time. The envy, the jealousy can just consume me at times. This is not who I want to be. I want to appreciate what an amazing, wonderful man you are. Because you ARE. I should be thanking my lucky stars every day that you're with me for another day. But instead I angrily obsess on your lack of ambition and wonder what my life would be like if I actually had the time to devote to my family that I want. It's not that you aren't brilliant. It's not that you aren't a hard worker. You just aren't ambitious and you don't chase better opportunities like I do.
If it makes you feel any better I do hate myself for feeling this way. And sometimes I really hate my mother for not preparing me for the heartache of leaving my children to go to work. Clearly it didn't bother her one bit. But every time I do it, a little bit of me dies.
Wanna be traditional wife
I love you. You are my best friend and our relationship is great except for this one thing.
Since I got pregnant, you are not in the least bit sexually attractive to me. In fact, I could care less if we ever have sex again.
But I still masturbate all the time.
To all readers:
Tomorrow my 30 year old friend will be buried. She was a stellar mom, and wife. She was not sick. It was just a freak thing.
The point to all of this-Perspective. Make everyday count. If you are in a unhealthy or just plain bad situation, CHANGE IT.
If you are like me and have it pretty good, just get a little frustrated some times, do not take the people in your life for granted. Trust me I get sooo pissed off at my husband sometimes (last night he actually got mad at me for not wanting to have sex in the middle of all this-dickhead!!!!).
Strangely my friend had talked to her husband about what her wishes would be if she were to die. This eliminated any tough decisions he and her family had to make.
PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT YOUR WISHES ARE. Make sure your kids are protected.
Lastly- do not wait for someone to make you happy. Do it yourself. You never know when your number is up.
My dear husband:
I write this here because I don't think I can ever tell you all of this. I just don't think I'll be able to make you understand why I feel this way, but I hope by writing it, I'll be able to move forward. I guess I think it will seem trivial to you, so I'm scared to tell you because I'll be disappointed in your reaction, but hasn't this always been the case? Our pattern has been to bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is OK, so I don't know why this should be any different.
We've been married for 15 years. You are a wonderful husband and father. Our kids are so lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you, but (and there always is a "but", right?) I've seen things in you this year that have made me re-evaluate my "vision" of who we are. You know how you think there are things about each other that you know are true? I used to think I knew, to a certain extent, who you were, but I was wrong. Now I understand why planning a vacation every year was tense. Now I know why it always ended up in a fight. You finally, after all these years, admitted that vacations stress you out and it's not something you look forward to. All these years you let me think we were on the same page, but we weren't. All these years I thought you enjoyed them as much as I do, but you don't. Now that I know this, how can I even think about doing it again? I realized during our trip this summer that you would rather hang out with the children than get to know my family. I learned that you just can't have a good time away from home - and it showed. I should have known that convincing you to go would create problems. It was embarrasing to have to tell everyone that, yes, you were having a good time, even though I knew you weren't. Your ambivalence shows, even though you don't think so. I don't think I can ever ask you to visit family again, because you obviously don't find it enjoyable. I could definitely understand this if they were unstable or weird, but even you say that this isn't the case. I don't think we'll ever go on a "family vacation" again because I don't have the strength to push the issue.
I'm hurt that you don't trust me enough to tell me how you really feel. I'm very angry at myself for not figuring this out a long time ago.
I learned that I can't count on you to tell me when you disagree with me. You just let me think that you agree, but then you do what you want anyway. I never know what happened or what you're thinking. I get no feedback from you, even when I ask. You say you're happy, but you don't act like it. I watch you with the kids and you're so good with them it makes me jealous sometimes. You are so funny, tender and loving with them that I hurt because I know that you can't be like that with me. You used to be, but now even you say that it's easier to deal with the kids than with me. I refuse to be the kind of wife who always picks and nags. You should be thankful for that. But by not nagging and continually trying to get you to talk to me, I end up isolating myself and feeling so alone. Once the kids go to bed, all conversation stops and the television is the only thing that you seem to be interested in. I can't tell you the number of times I watched you and wondered if you really care about me, or just need a babysitter when you go to work.
The children won't need us much longer. They'll move on with their own lives and then what do we do? You don't want to travel, you don't want to have any adult friends to socialize with, you don't even want to take me out for dinner alone. I convinced myself that you were ashamed of me because you stopped telling me about invitations to parties or social events. You simply turned them down and now we don't get invites anymore. You never asked me if I would like to go. I told you how I felt about this one time and you never denied it, so I figured I was right. Now, I think that maybe it's you. Maybe I should feel better knowing this, but I don't. I'm angry that you let me believe that I somehow embarrased you, even though I couldn't understand why. I'm angry because I convinced myself that I must have been doing something wrong or you would be proud of me, like I am proud of you.
So - this is why I've been sad. This is why the new year scares me. I'm so scared about what our future holds. The uncertainty of where I stand with you and where we stand together is frightening. This is why I fight back tears at some point almost every day. I hope that you can understand me, even though I don't think you want to. I think that examining these kinds of issues is way outside your comfort zone and this is something you simply refuse to do. Even so, I'll never leave. I love you with all my heart. I know the kind of man you are capable of being. I want to feel close to you, but now I think that it will never happen. Now I think it was all just an illusion and that I never really was as close as I thought. So, I'll continue to be respectful, loving and polite, which is what seems to be the "status quo" with us, but you have to know that we could be so much more, if only you could let me in. I really do love you.