Even though I have told you that it grates on my very last nerve, you continue to chew huge glasses of ice. When I try to leave the room, you follow me and keep crunch crunch crunching ice. I want to stick an ice pick in my ears when you do this.
I often wonder if you are staying with me because it's the right thing to do, not because you want to be with me. I also sometimes think that you don't really love the baby, that you're just going through the motions. I hope I'm wrong. When I think of the way your father behaves towards you, I know that I will do whatever it takes so that our child does not feel that kind of neglect. I do not want her, even once, to doubt that both of her parents love her and that she comes first in our lives. Please don't become your dad. His church-going does not make him a good man, and I really wish I could tell him that. I hate that he hurts you.
I love you for understanding when I just needed to cry and mourn the loss of
my fertility. I love you more for telling me not to worry that we will find
a way to pay for the IVF treatments. I love you the most for telling a
friend that the boat the two of you were going to buy has to go on the back
burner for a bit because us having another baby is the priority now. I am so
happy knowing that you want this as much I do. I am glad you are my husband
and I love you more everyday.
I love you.
I don't like you.
Don't respect you.
Damn sure don't trust you, but I love you.
Because "I love you" is a lifelong commitment to me.
Even when I can't stand your sorry ass
I knew what I was doing. I set it all up without letting myself think about what I was doing. I took him to our favorite restaurant and I let him buy me drinks. I continued drinking when I knew it was a bad idea. And when we went home, I let everyone else leave so that we were alone. I let him think that he was making a move on me when I was vulnerable. And then I took him to your bed. It wasn't great. It wasn't even good. And I hated myself after it was over. I wish I had been a stronger person and not needed it. But I did need it, and I needed him. You deserved better. I'd like to say that I'd never do it again, that it made me a better, stronger person. But I don't know. How can I know? I didn't plan it.
I'll never tell you. I owe you that. And I love you.
ode to my ex-
i know you're not truly happy.
i can see it in your eyes.
i know i'm the best you ever had, and in the end, you just didn't deserve me.
i hope cheating was worth it, and that you never forget me.
don't worry, i'll ALWAYS be around to remind you of what you could have had.
I really love the fact that you are trying to lose weight. It's great that you are getting on the exercise bike each night. I appreciate that you take the bike back down to the garage when you're done. However, sometimes just changing clothes is NOT good enough! You have some pretty potent sweat glands. Sweat smells...and yours isn't any different. Please...stop re-using those boxers the next morning AFTER you take a shower...they have absorbed some of the stink. I wouldn't want your co-workers (or me for that matter) to smell it and think you are a dirty guy. It's not a good smell, I promise you!
I wondered about you for so long. Where you were, who you were with, and I thought maybe someday our paths would cross again. You got married and divorced, I got married and had 2 kids. Once, before my wedding I wrote you a letter and mailed it to your parents' house. It had my address and email and I hoped you would try to contact me. That was 6 years ago, and when I never heard from you I started to move on. And then you found me online. And now my heart has butterflies when I see that you left me a message. I love my husband and my life and none of that will change, but I feel like I found something that has been lost for a very long time.
Why do I want to, need to, see you again? I tell myself it is just one more
time, just for closure, but somewhere inside I know I am looking for more, I
need more. I need you back in my life. How did this happen after all these
years? I haven’t seen you in so long, I didn’t realize that I missed you
until you came back into my life. How is it that you occupy my thoughts all
day again? I have become consumed. These thoughts are the only ones that
push away, even if just for a little while, all those other memories.
Memories of hospitals and funerals. Why do I feel like I am 18 years old?
Is it because you are the one I couldn’t fix, the one who got away, the one
I wonder what could have been?
Why is it so important to see you, to talk to you, to find out you are still
single. I’m not. I’ve been married, happily, for a long time, to the man
who picked up the pieces and showed me that I could trust a man, that all
men don’t cheat, that there are good men out there. Who has taken care of
me through the good times and now these horrible, awful times. Why do I
still need you? I think it is because you have no tie to what has happened,
you had no loss, the way the rest of us did, maybe you can comfort me
without me watching everything I say and having to worry if I am upsetting
you. Maybe I can grieve with you. I don’t know.
Oh and I do NOT like cleaning up/taking care of things that you don't have the time or energy to finish. I've told you for 6 FREAKIN' MONTHS ago that the tires on the car needed to be changed (I've kept up on all the other car stuff and 1/2 the oil changes for both of our vehicles). Now that you finally get it done...what happens??? I have to solve the problem that you didn't know WHAT time the store closed and we were too late to pick it up. I had to figure out how you were going to pay them after 'stealing' our car from their lot. You found out that the car had a 'wobble' after they did do the tires. You decided to take some leave to pay them Tuesday morning when they opened and to have them check-it out. Well, you decided you didn't have time to have them check-it out....now that's safe. Nope, you want ME to fix it on Saturday while you take the gas-guzzler on a 4-hour trip each way...and leaving me with no transportation. Oh fun fun. Now I am left telling my boss last minute that I am taking a few hours off this morning to fix what you haven't. Much fun. I hate when you don't follow through with crap. This shouldnt' have been my mess to clean up or look bad for at work. It isn't right. You should have found out what time they closed Saturday, gotten there when they were done, and taken care of this...this sucks. Thanks a lot.
P.s. I swear if you leave a mess in MY car today after driving it, I am going to be a stark-raving lunatic. I'll admit it, but it literally takes you less than 2 hours to make MY vehicle look like a freakin' trash dump. Ugh.