It's been seven days
I want him to miss me... I hate that he doesn't.
When you say “you don’t like my mother, do you?” and I deny it, I am lying. It’s the only thing I can’t be honest with you about. I don’t like her. She is the most manipulative woman I have ever met. We will probably never move back because of her.
To My Dear Sweet Husband...
You are the kindest, most gentle, most understanding
man I have ever met. You treat me like I'm a
princess. However, I slept with my best friends
husband, twice. Worst yet, I fell in love with him.
I'm still with you and will be with you until the end.
But I thought you should know..I still think about
those times every night before I go to sleep. If he
would have asked, I would have stayed in our home
state with him.
I have deleted you from my email - everything - the messages, the chats, the pictures. The mess you made in my life for being in it such a short time should have clued me into your potential to disrupt everything I have worked so hard to make.
But, every other time I have done this, you come back. "Be patient", you say and I feel silly. So, I open the door again. And wait. And wait and wait until I finally say no more and begin the process again. It has been two days since I deleted everything and you still haven't seemed to notice my silence. I hope that I can resist you when you come back.
oaky, i still love him but i don't i don't want to lose you
you have been by my side thru the toughest things
and when he came i felt so different inside and out.
you with you it was the sam eevery single day
with him it was something new every. but you stood by myside os now i will
stand by yours even if its killing me a little every day
to my husband:
you were right, i was still sleeping with him. it did end when i told you. and i tried soo hard to stay away, but he is like a drug to me. i caved in after 14 months and it's been going on ever since. so, yeah, i've been lying about it for 2 years, and i'm sorry. i called it off again about 2 months ago, this time hopefully for good. these past couple weeks with us almost splitting again have made me realize how much i love you & want to be with you.
to the other man:
i'm sorry. i did love you, and the fucking was hott, but it's over. i need to grow up and and get over you, and i can't do that if i'm still sleeping with you. i doubt you'll ever change, but go back to your family. your little girl needs you.
I confess to being EXTREMELY relieved that we aren't having sex anymore. You haven't initiated since last June, so you must be pretty relieved, too. It wasn't any good anyway. You're a lazy lover who never paid any attention to my pleasure. I hope we never have sex again.
Your relieved wife
we are good. we really are, and I know how much you have on your plate. I know how everything and everybody is asking you to be there for them. I know finding out we were pregnant wasn't exactly the happy moment we each wanted it to be. i know I'm too tired to help much in the evening. I know you can the kid both need me. We both lashed out and said some hurtful things. But this is it. I don't care about anything except making us the best we can be. We have the best family we could ask for, in each other and the kids. That is not something I am willing to lose or allow be damaged by outside forces. You are the man you think I see. You are perfect for us. You really are. Just stand with me. please.
I know I told everyone that I regret getting involved with you, but the truth is, I don't. I regret that you didn't pick ME over her more than anything. I regret that I let myself get so wrapped up in someone who wasn't available (and not even that cute, now that I look at it..... although amazing in bed.) But I don't feel bad for betraying another woman, even though I know I should. That makes me feel bad, but it's the truth. And I'll never do it again, but not because I don't want to hurt another woman, but because I don't want to get hurt like that again. Now that you guys are engaged, and I tried to tell her about us, I can honestly say that I did want to warn her. That is true. But I also wanted to get you one last time because you really did break my heart. I don't know if you intercepted the email, if she doesn't care, or if she already knew, but since everything seems like it is still fine with you two, I guess you won. Again. At least it's over.
I must have been color blind to have not seen these red flags in our "relationship". These are just a few of your *misdeeds* in the 6 years and 8 months we were together (in no particular order.)
1. You told me you were going to visit your Aunt T for the holidays, instead you went to Amarillo with Chris.
2. I paid for a Valentine's weekend getaway (when we were broke college students,) and you said, "I'm going to call Chris, and see what he's up to." And you got mad when I asked if you were fucking him?
3. You told me, "If we're not having sex, we're just friends." I wish I'd taken you up on that friendship offer.
4. You went on a vacation WITH CHRIS that you couldn't afford and then told me it was MY fault that you were overdrawn from your checking account because I wouldn't give you my income tax return to cover the trip.
5. My favorite grandmother died, and you wanted to have sex. And you didn't let the fact that I wasn't participating stop you.
6. You refused to brush your teeth if you were not leaving the house. Though you would gargle if you thought you might have sex - I cannot have an orgasm without kissing. I could not kiss you if your face smells like your ass.
7. You gave me a one day crash course in how to drive a stick shift because you wanted to borrow my car because it was impossible for you to accomplish anything manly - like moving - with that two-seater deathtrap you had to have. You gave Helen intensive lessons until she got it because "*A* is a loser and won't teach her." Um, yeah, right. I stalled out in rush hour traffic. Nice.
8. I drove two hours to visit you almost every weekend, and most times you went to play poker with your buddies. You didn't tell me you were going to play poker because you didn't think I'd come if I knew you wouldn't be home.
9. You NEVER drove out to where I lived to see me because, "There's nothing out there." Guess that makes me nothing in your eyes. Obviously, seeing ME was not worth the drive. It was so nice to feel loved. NOT.
10. I paid for my own dinners - and usually yours - and you were okay with that. Unless we were out with other couples, then you put on the act like you spoil me or something.
11. You told me continually how unattractive Helen is (I could tell that from looking at her myself, you didn't need to keep saying it) - this was really a sign that you wanted to be with Helen, but you were trying to throw me off. I am convinced that you cheated on me with her while we were still together. I hope you treat Helen as great as you treated me. But be careful, she might divorce you while you are deployed like she did * A*.
NOT marrying you was the best damn thing I never did. Towards the end, the thought of sex with you made me sick - mentally and physically. I am convinced you are an egotistical, cheating, racist jackass. If you were afraid of having biracial children, you should have been a man and told me that upfront. It wouldn't have broken my heart one bit. Instead, you chose to act so unbearably horrible to me, that I was running to get away from you.
Oh, by the way, I can't have kids. I could have told you that when you tried to used "not wanting kids" as a way to get out of the relationship, but that was my out, too. So, I kept it to myself. Besides, if I had told you, you would have turned it around on me. Probably said you had a change of heart, and I couldn't accommodate that. Since Helen is pregnant, I'm pretty sure you did want kids all along.
I am with a person who really cares for me now. All that time, I thought it was me. Nope, you're the weirdo freak. It's normal to take a shower after sex. It doesn't make me crazy or unromantic. And most of the basically hygienic population of the world brushes their teeth before bed - that wasn't something I made up to antagonize you.
And another thing, when you emailed me back saying, "Happy New Year, I hope 2007 brings you all your hopes and dreams." Well, I hope you die a painful death, and I dream about it every night!!! Well, not really because you're just not worth my time anymore but if you do end up dead, I'll smile.