Thursday, December 14, 2006

True Wife Confession 133 Blaster Worm

Confession #1321

I am the girl you married, I haven't changed a bit. So just remember you thought it was cool when I cheated on him with you.

Confession #1322

Last night I felt like getting up and leaving to see him. If you can’t take care of my needs, then I just go back to my old ways. Fuck it!!! I tried but its not working come now. Let’s get busy when I want to not just when you want too. Every 4th day is not working for me I want it every day.

Confession #1323

Thank you, for being the loving forgiving man that you are.
I don't deserve you, but I am truly glad that I have you. I would
be completely lost if I didn't have you. I know that I have done you wrong
in the past and you have forgave me, and I know it will take some time to forget
but I know in my heart that one one day you will.

Honey, I love you

Confession #1324

We are in the process of divorcing. You haven’t spent anytime with OUR children in weeks. Yet, you say I am selfish because I’d like you take them one day this weekend. Yes, I know you have Guard drill next weekend. Yes, I know you had it last weekend. Don’t forget I have Guard drill as well. We have one weekend off from Guard in December, but you make plans all weekend. Who’s the selfish one here?

While we are at it…you have been pretty crappy about providing child support. Your lawyer says you don’t have to since I didn’t ask for temporary support. Hmm…so that means your children go into suspended animation?

Also, you say you don’t have enough money to help out. But, you have enough money to throw a party this weekend. It shows where your priorities are…..wonder why I left?

Confession #1325

We seem to have a perfect life. Great house, great yard, 2 kids, one of each, exactly two years apart. They're sweet and sassy and fun to take care of most of the time. We don't fight about money, family - OOoo but that leaves the big one - SEX! Why do I have no desire for you? Why do I dream about reclaiming passion I know I had within at other times in my life, but I can't summon it up for you at all? Is it because you like to watch porn on the computer, not just the act but a scripted scene where a young girl (legal) gets "taken advantage" of but eventually comes to like it. Is it the weird sex toy you bought for yourself? You tell me I'm beautiful, and sexy, and everything you've ever wanted, but you don't enjoy making out with me. Snuggling makes you feel too cramped. Public Displays of Affection offend your propriety. I lay there waiting for you, knowing I ought to be "paving the road" so I can seem more into it for you, but I don't feel like it. It's just not me, using all those tools so I'll be ready when you come for me. Is any of that your job?

Did it start our second date, when I said I wanted to hold off on sex, and you said you didn't think the relationship would work. And I was so desperate to not be old and alone that I chased you, and made you into the right one. So I could have the life I dreamed of, dammit.

Is it because you give me used or old or second hand gifts. Or gifts I choose for you.

You don't know why I don't want it. I don't know if I will ever want it again. But I remember what it felt like to really want someone, and it gets me through a lot of gloomy spells.

Confession #1326

I do not know why I care that you did not correct your daughter when she asked why you and her mom got a divorce. You where never married to her. I know the concept of marriage is a bit big for a five year old, but it kind of hurt me. Just because you and her mom where never married does not make her any less of your child, but by promoting her mother to wife status makes me feel less. I know we agree not to burden the kids with grown up topics, but she asked. I have to wonder if it was her mother who started all this. Maybe introducing her to the truth slowly in five year old terms will help her to not make the same more difficult choices her mother, and you have made later in life. You can not change the truth. You people as parents need to learn from this. Your choices effect your kids forever. And I am the only wife. There is some substance to that for me.

Confession #1327

I will never leave you voluntarily, not in a Fatal Attraction kind of a way. Just that I never want to lose you

Confession #1328

Have you even noticed that I took my wedding rings off this spring? Have you wondered why? Do you care?

Confession #1329

With him, I can forget. Forget about the problems, the disappointments.
He tells me I'm sexy, beautiful & when I'm with him, I am.
He makes me forget how self conscious I am about my body, he tells me he loves my curves, then shows me he does.
He makes me feel so powerful, so very female.
I will never leave you, he will never leave her.
I love you, He loves her.
But until him?
I never knew what they meant by CHEMISTRY.
I never knew *I* could be like that, want that bad, move that way.
I know it will end, I know why it will end, & I also know that after, a month or 10 years later, it will start again.


Confession #1330

You will never really understand me.

22 comments:

JJ said...

#1329 ~ You wrote my confession word for word. I know exactly where you're coming from. Right now I've called it off with *him*, but I know we'll hook back up, whether it's in a week or 10 years. Last time I called it off, we hooked back up about 18 months later and kept it up for 2 years til just a couple months ago. There's just *something* there.

Anonymous said...

# 1329 - My thoughts exactly! I know that I have recently re-made my commitment to my husband. But I know that in a few months or years when I see "him" again it will all start back up. Why do I know this.. Because something in me comes alive when I am with him. It is just "something"!!

JSC said...

#1323 - I have a wonderful, forgiving man as well. I can't wait to see my confession posted b/c I know he reads these things!

Anonymous said...

#1324--be glad the SOB doesn't want anything to do with his kids. they're probably better off without him.

Anonymous said...

I am # 1329. Thank you ladies for letting me know you're out there too. I LOVE my husband. I LOVE my Life. I WANT him. I feel that in a fucked up kind of way it is actually helping my marrige. I'm no longer angry @ hubby for not caring enough to satisfy me, or not being able to. it's seperate, it;s diffrent, it's all MINE.

Stephanie said...

Maybe it would be worthwhile to put all that emotional and physical energy you're giving "him" into some therapy or sexual counseling for you and your husband. If you love your husband, it would be worth it.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, what if she's tried? I've tried with mine. I've tried and tried and TRIED. Lovingly, kittenishly, coquettishly, kinkily, straight vanilla, understandingly, warmly, Bettie Page ... you name it, I've tried it. He's really, really, really just not interested, and he can't or won't explain why. "I'm just not interested." And therapy and doctors are absolutely out of the question. He will not. Just won't. I've begged, pleaded, done everything but threatened to leave.

It makes me feel like absolute dogshit. I am willing to do almost anything except with animals or knives, and he won't hear of it. He loves me. He's affectionate. He just won't put out, no matter how attractively I try to propose it.

I'm in a situation where I cannot have sex either within my marriage or outside it, and I cannot imagine going the next fifty years like this.

What if she's in that situation? Because I am. What's the answer? Not therapy. Not medicine. Not corsets, conversation, or reconnecting over a glass of wine. Please, if you have an answer, tell us.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie- I have tried many things. We are a wonderful team in all areas- except sex. He wants it/me (not sure there's a diffrence. Doesn't seem to be.) and i give it to him, how he wants, when he wants. I've asked what he wants & done it. Brazillian wax, multiple body piercings- everything he said he'd like. I tell him what i like, what feels good. What turns me on, what turns me off. I've tried not giving it up. I've tried it all. It was never great, but it was good I /we were both satisfied. I look better - have lost weight & take better care of myself - now than I EVER did. and he has not given me an orgasm in 2 years. Please- what would you do?

Anonymous said...

#1329 - Yeah, you said it. Chemistry, we've both said how surprised we've been by our chemistry, we keep thinking something is going to be "off" but we keep matching up in all the right ways... it's delicious and fulfilling and very, very not right. I can't stop yet, but I too know it'll end someday. I don't know if we'll hook up again or not, but I wouldn't be surprised if we do.

And to your comment, I know that feeling too. My marriage doesn't seem to be any worse for all this that's going on, it is seperate and it's fabulous, and all mine. It sounds like I could be you.

Anonymous said...

8.31 -- i could have written that. It has been 5 years, i am only 40. What am i to do for the rest of my life?

Anonymous said...

8:31, I can understand why you don't want to go outside of your marriage but it can be a workable solution. It's worked for me for over a decade. Everyone keeps: their lives, families, friends. The two of us get: a safe harbor.

Anonymous said...

#1329 and the rest of you anon posters: I'm jumping on that wagon, too. It's like a double life. But it works. And I'm just enjoying the "ride" (pun intended!) for now.

Don't feel alone.

Anonymous said...

Maybe these husbands have discovered they are gay? Maybe they are also having affairs? Maybe something is chemically wrong in their brains and they have zero sex drives left? I cannot understand a healthy male turning down sex from a willing wife. It has to be one of the above to make them not interested. Refusing counseling means the man knows something is very wrong and doesn't want it brought into the open.

Anonymous said...

as another of the women who has an uninterested husband...( I had a confession a while back that said the affairs I am having may be saving my marriage...)

I know he isn't gay - refuses therapy, Just says he has a low sex drive. So after talking and talking and talking and luring and seducing and working so hard at getting him interested - I finally gave up. Fuck it. I started seeing other married men - purely for the sex. I don't want them as new husbands. I am not in love with them.

(yeah, yeah - you've already called me slut whore etc, etc - get over it)

I am too young to be sexless for the rest of my life. I don't think that his low sex drive makes him a bad husband, or person - just who he is. Do I divorce him because of it?

Or do I find a way to meet a need in a way which is somewhat control-able? And don't tell me about vibrators - I have had one for years. It can't kiss you, or interact with you.

So ( and I am not talking to the self righteous chicks out there who will whore/slut etc me) What DO we do?

Anonymous said...

8:31 here. I don't know what we do. I wish to God I did know.

Dear god, 4:23, it's been 5 years? It's been a year and a half for me. I can't live the rest of my life like this. Dear god.

"Maybe these husbands have discovered they are gay? Maybe they are also having affairs? Maybe something is chemically wrong in their brains and they have zero sex drives left? ... Refusing counseling means the man knows something is very wrong and doesn't want it brought into the open."

Mine just says that sex is private and he won't talk about it with anyone else. Anyone. Including a doctor. He. Just. Will. Not.

I can't divorce him; I love him. But I can't stay with him if I want ever to have sex again. Having an affair would end my marriage completely if he ever found out, and I'm such a lousy liar that he'd find out eventually. I'm no good at pretending (I've tried about smaller things ... he figures it out right away).

So I can't see any way this can end happily. And yes, I love my husband very very much, and I'm willing to try anything. But even if I knock him out and take him to a sex therapist, he'd have to *talk* when he woke up, and he wouldn't.

You know what? I think he's bored. With me. He loves me but I think he's bored. That makes me want to put my head on the train tracks.

Anonymous said...

1326, I think you're completely justified. It's hard enough knowing you'll never be the mother of the first child. You deserve to be recognized as the first and only wife and love of his life. Been there, am there, wish I had better advice for you.

Anonymous said...

Mine's not gay, he wants me, frequently. But he DOES NOT CARE about my satisfaction, or even if i enjoy it. We got through lube like crazy- no forplay, nada. just hey, lets fuck. i feel like i'm servicing him. i am. and my *Him*? it's been 7 months, and he still makes me soak my panties through to my jeans.

8:10 AM said...

8:31 if he's bored, it's not that you are boring. This would have happened no matter who he had married,

cherrie said...

1326... please put the needs of a 5 year old above your ego!!! come on...life is hard enough for a child who is in a split family situation....don't add to the problem, by being self cenetered. Allow her to believe she was a product of a loving legal union. And get over yourself....all the important people know your his first and only wife, leave it at that

Anonymous said...

8:10 am, it's 8:31 here. Thank you. You've made me feel better than you'll ever know. Sometimes all it takes is a little encouragement: "No, this isn't all your fault."

Anonymous said...

Oh ladies....I have been there with the other man as well. You start off with that look and next thing you know, you will do anything to taste him again. Yes, I loved my man too. But in the end, I had to make my decision and that was the hardest thing I could ever do. It will come to you all as well. Be sure of what your answer will be.

Baltimor said...

If your man has problems with sex drive why not to give Extagen or other drug to increase his sex drive? It helps a lot! I think that sex drive depends on relationships not relationships on sex.