I am the girl you married, I haven't changed a bit. So just remember you thought it was cool when I cheated on him with you.
Last night I felt like getting up and leaving to see him. If you can’t take care of my needs, then I just go back to my old ways. Fuck it!!! I tried but its not working come now. Let’s get busy when I want to not just when you want too. Every 4th day is not working for me I want it every day.
Thank you, for being the loving forgiving man that you are.
I don't deserve you, but I am truly glad that I have you. I would
be completely lost if I didn't have you. I know that I have done you wrong
in the past and you have forgave me, and I know it will take some time to forget
but I know in my heart that one one day you will.
Honey, I love you
We are in the process of divorcing. You haven’t spent anytime with OUR children in weeks. Yet, you say I am selfish because I’d like you take them one day this weekend. Yes, I know you have Guard drill next weekend. Yes, I know you had it last weekend. Don’t forget I have Guard drill as well. We have one weekend off from Guard in December, but you make plans all weekend. Who’s the selfish one here?
While we are at it…you have been pretty crappy about providing child support. Your lawyer says you don’t have to since I didn’t ask for temporary support. Hmm…so that means your children go into suspended animation?
Also, you say you don’t have enough money to help out. But, you have enough money to throw a party this weekend. It shows where your priorities are…..wonder why I left?
We seem to have a perfect life. Great house, great yard, 2 kids, one of each, exactly two years apart. They're sweet and sassy and fun to take care of most of the time. We don't fight about money, family - OOoo but that leaves the big one - SEX! Why do I have no desire for you? Why do I dream about reclaiming passion I know I had within at other times in my life, but I can't summon it up for you at all? Is it because you like to watch porn on the computer, not just the act but a scripted scene where a young girl (legal) gets "taken advantage" of but eventually comes to like it. Is it the weird sex toy you bought for yourself? You tell me I'm beautiful, and sexy, and everything you've ever wanted, but you don't enjoy making out with me. Snuggling makes you feel too cramped. Public Displays of Affection offend your propriety. I lay there waiting for you, knowing I ought to be "paving the road" so I can seem more into it for you, but I don't feel like it. It's just not me, using all those tools so I'll be ready when you come for me. Is any of that your job?
Did it start our second date, when I said I wanted to hold off on sex, and you said you didn't think the relationship would work. And I was so desperate to not be old and alone that I chased you, and made you into the right one. So I could have the life I dreamed of, dammit.
Is it because you give me used or old or second hand gifts. Or gifts I choose for you.
You don't know why I don't want it. I don't know if I will ever want it again. But I remember what it felt like to really want someone, and it gets me through a lot of gloomy spells.
I do not know why I care that you did not correct your daughter when she asked why you and her mom got a divorce. You where never married to her. I know the concept of marriage is a bit big for a five year old, but it kind of hurt me. Just because you and her mom where never married does not make her any less of your child, but by promoting her mother to wife status makes me feel less. I know we agree not to burden the kids with grown up topics, but she asked. I have to wonder if it was her mother who started all this. Maybe introducing her to the truth slowly in five year old terms will help her to not make the same more difficult choices her mother, and you have made later in life. You can not change the truth. You people as parents need to learn from this. Your choices effect your kids forever. And I am the only wife. There is some substance to that for me.
I will never leave you voluntarily, not in a Fatal Attraction kind of a way. Just that I never want to lose you
Have you even noticed that I took my wedding rings off this spring? Have you wondered why? Do you care?
With him, I can forget. Forget about the problems, the disappointments.
He tells me I'm sexy, beautiful & when I'm with him, I am.
He makes me forget how self conscious I am about my body, he tells me he loves my curves, then shows me he does.
He makes me feel so powerful, so very female.
I will never leave you, he will never leave her.
I love you, He loves her.
But until him?
I never knew what they meant by CHEMISTRY.
I never knew *I* could be like that, want that bad, move that way.
I know it will end, I know why it will end, & I also know that after, a month or 10 years later, it will start again.
You will never really understand me.