I love how I can have a conversation with you about how sexy I think Scott Foley is, and you don't get jealous or try to twist it into anything.
I want to thank you for being a wonderful man. You loved me more than I thought possibled and cared for me and supported me financially and mentally. I wish things could have been different. I wish you were younger, in the same stage of your life as me and could have continued on. I wish you weren't from the another country, which caused issues due to me not working, but... I'd never give up our time together for anything. I still love you, but we'll never be together again. I just wanted to thank you for being such a huge part of my life and still being my friend. I think losing you now would hurt just as much as the day we broke up.
Thanks for giving me such amazing memories and I hope you find someone who appreciates how amazing you are
In my heart I always knew there wouldn't be a trip. Not a honeymoon, not an anniversary trip, nothing. I learned long, long ago never to count on anyone or anything. So I don't. Oh I dream, and I may even hope, but I don't plan. There's no point to it. All the others had their honeymoon, their romantic dinners, words of love. But not me. I'm the one you married for convenience sake. I knew it then, I know it now. I wish I didn't love you. I wish I'd never started.
You wonder why i don't sleep with you anymore.
After years of having my precious sleep interrupted by your horrible snoring, which gets louder and more grating as you get older and fatter, i gave up and moved into the spare bedroom. Yeah... originally it was going to be a temporary move, while i caught up on my sleep and started feeling better, but... i really like having my own room, and sleeping by myself.
I didnt really notice it when i used to sleep with you, but... you stink. When you get up in the morning and open the bedroom door, the whole house fills up with a disgusting 'cloud' of stench: the smell of 7 hours of your farting and bad breath, all pent up in that tiny, over-heated bedroom (you refuse to sleep with the window cracked for a bit of fresh air)... and when that smell travels downstairs where i am sitting having my breakfast, it makes me want to puke, and makes me remember why i dont want to sleep with you anymore.
I have never been very good at expressing my feelings, but with you I feel safe to be open and honest. You make it okay to be who I am because you do not judge me.
I trust you like I have never trusted any other man. You are honest and have a good heart. I never have to fear what your ulterior motives might be.
You have made me realize my value because you value me. To you, I am a complete person. You are interested in my mind and my heart and my soul, instead of just my body or what you hope to gain from me.
You have changed me in a way that scares me because I feel so completely vulnerable. I know that you would never intentionally hurt me, but I feel you are holding back a little just as I am. Probably because you too think this might just be too good to be true.
I have always prided myself on being independent and self-sufficient, but I've always secretly yearned for a man who could be my man. Someone that I could support because he supports me. Someone who's life is richer because I am in it. Someone to build greatness with. My other half.
Every time you take my hand in yours, my soul feels lighter. Every time you hold me in your arms, my heart almost bursts with all of the feelings I have for you.
I am scared. But I do love you. And I will tell you. Someday.
Well you hit me in the face on Thursday night, and when I get up and calmly leave the room you follow me screaming at me that I am just feeling sorry for myself. I don't care if the hit was an accident or not. You did not respond properly to it. Ask me oh honey are you Okay, or sorry I sure never meant to get you in the face with the extension cord. It is so not appropriate to jump down my throat for crying in pain and say I am just feeling sorry for myself. Does it matter if I was? Should it matter if I was? How is it even pertinent? You know I will not be physically abused. I will not. If I ever thought you had done it on purpose you would have been out the door in a split second. Yes that fast. I did not watch my two sisters be beat for years without learning something. And then to have our three year old son in tears and sobbing over witnessing your outburst and my crying put the situation way over the top. Then Friday night when you crawl in bed and want some you are suprised I say no. You shouldn't be. I want an apology for not only the hit but also for your outburst which came out of nowhere.
I decided last night at 7:45pm that I hate you and will never again shed a tear over your DUMB, LAZY, LOSER, ADDICT ASS! I decided that once our bills are paid off, I want a divorce! I can make it on my own with our child, can you LOSER????
Just read this one and I swear I could have written it. We are in the same boat. To the auther let her know she is not alone.
I am not a leech. I am not a piece of shit. I am not a bitch. I am not a train wreck.I am a beautiful, loving, kind, creative person. I have spent the past three years taking your shit because of our baby boy. You tell me..."oh, I used to be just like you." Um, you used to be living at your Mom's on a drug cocktail because you could not cope. I am nothing like YOU. I have lived my life to the fullest until I met you and you sucked all of the life and spirit out of me. You drink, oh how you drink. You abuse me verbally and then make me feel like it is my fault. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this position.I don't even know what is real anymore. I am caught up in your web of bullshit. I hate who I am when I am with you. I just do not have the guts to leave. I am afraid of being a single Mom. I lost my Mom and I don't want my baby boy to lose his Mom to this turmoil. I want him to have a family. A Mom and a Dad. A family. Some family. No matter what I do I am screwed. Trapped.
I don't really know how we got here. I look at you some days and wonder how I fell in love with you. Did I fall in love with you? Or did I let life carry me along until I end up here fifteen years later. Its the ambivilence. I don't really love you. I don't really hate you, but this kind of dull empty feeling most days when I look at you makes me sad. I think people can be truly in love, can find the right person with whom to spend their life. I'm just not sure that it's you, for me.
Well people, I acted on a 'crush' that I wrote about a few weeks ago. It has been now a few weeks of mind blowing sex. Why oh WHY did I ever act on it????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I know I can have such great sex, I don't think I can stop. This man is like sex heroin or something. Oh gawd, he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. And the worst of it - not feeling that guilty...go figure. I'm a slut whore.