Monday, December 11, 2006

True Wife Confession 132 Eclipses of Saros

Confession #1311

To my co-worker,

I know you're married and you'd never say anything. If you did, I'd pretend to be offended. You make me feel attractive. I walked past you several times on Tuesday just to watch your eyes flicker from my breasts to my sexy-as-hell red leather boots with the four inch heels. You really like those boots, don't you? I'll wear them again for you tomorrow.

Confession #1312

I hate the smacky noise you make when you kiss me

Confession #1313

To... I don't know what to call you anymore...

I thought I loved you. I said I did. When you asked me to marry you after we'd been "together" a week, I seriously thought about it. Now? I find it hard to imagine us actually together. You have dreams, aspirations, desires; but I'm getting tired of hearing "It is what it is." Today: "Romance is seriously overrated." Really? Do you really feel that way? You didnt when we got together. Is it because you're comfortable with me and think I'll always be here? Waiting while you get your life together. You live almost a thousand miles away, but the plane ticket is only $250, and you cant take an hour on a plane to see me? I covered for you, telling all my friends you missed the plane in October because you'd had a car wreck going into the airport. Your story, remember? Are you really coming for my birthday in January? You havent bought your ticket yet, and I've got plans already. Just like I've got plans for New Year's Eve. And tomorrow night. I'm just too much a coward to tell you yet.

I love you, I think. But I need a real man to hold me. Not just one who has a great job and a good education. I don't think you can be that man for me. I don't love you, I think.

I knew you were having issues with the mother of a child who is supposedly yours. But face it! She wouldnt let you be there for the birth, she didnt let you be involved with naming the baby. For God's sake! She didnt put you on the birth certificate! But yet, because she keeps telling you the baby is yours, you keep paying more than double the child support I should be getting for both of my children. Yet, she still trys to keep you from seeing the baby.

Where are your real loyalties. I must be stupid. I hope my date tomorrow is worth it.

Confession #1314

You have accused me of cheating for so long and so often that I finally did it, just to have something valid to be accused of. And do you know what? He's so much better than you are. I married you so young (and have been faithful! all this time!) that I never knew what good sex was. But now I do. And I'm going to keep doing it.

Confession #1315

To my ex:

You are the dumbest fucking idiot ever. When we were together you stole
from me, you crashed my brand new car, you wrecked my finances, and on top
of that you beat me constantly. Even after we found out I was pregnant.
You made me feel like I was incapable of deserving any thing better. You
almost ruined me, in fact you did for awhile. But us breaking up was the
best thing to ever happen to me. I have the most beautiful, wonderful son
in the world. I am graduating college in two weeks, my finances are back in fact I just bought a house. And I have a man that loves me so
much that he takes care of your son like his own. All of this I did with no
help from you ever. You have no idea what an opportunity you are missing by
not giving a damn about your son, but you know what I am glad you don't
because it saves me from having to undo the damage you would undoubtedly
inflict upon him if you did spend time with him. So you know what, Thank
you! Thank you for my beautiful son, thank you for teaching me exactly how
I don't want to be treated, so that when I found the man that would treat me
like I deserve that I would snatch him up. You brought us together with the
dumb shit you did and for that I will always be grateful. By the way when
my son grows up to become a better man than you will ever be, you better not
come looking to him for handouts because your life is still fucked up.

Confession #1316

On restless nights, I get annoyed that you are sleeping peacefully while I'm tossing and turning. Some nights, I'll shove you. You wake up and ask whats wrong. I lie saying you were snoring. It doesn't help me fall asleep but it makes me feel better.

Confession #1317

Why do you ask me what I want for Christmas? You never get me any of the things I ask for.

Confession #1318

You are the only man I can see myself growing old with

Confession #1319

I love you so much. Meeting you was like meeting the other half of my soul. We clicked so fast, and so strongly. I've never felt like that before.

That's why walking away from you is so brutal, for both of us. All you had to do was stop using drugs and start acting like the 35-year-old man you actually some financial responsibility, pay your bills on time, grow up.

If you'd have done those two things, and learned to manage your temper, I'd have married you. I would have. And I'd have done anything for you. But after a year, it's clear to me that using drugs means more to me than being with me.

Baby, I'm a mom with kids. I can't have that in my house. I can't have that in my life. I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever meet anyone like you, and I am so sad I can't hardly stand it.

Why couldn't you have loved me more than a little pot, a little ecstasy? Was I worth so little to you?

Confession #1320

I miss you every day. Some days I can almost smell you, or hear your voice again.
I would have laughed at you if you told me I had met the love of my life when I was 20. But today, in the car, I thought about you and I cried. About what we should have built together, about the child we didn't have, about the paths our lives have taken and how I don't think we will ever be able to be together. There are days I wish I never met you, you know. There are days when I wish I had never let you into my heart. Would I have been satisifed with the compromises I have made if I had not known that I could love someone the way I love you? So, I don't contact you - and you don't contact me, because it would be too hard for me, for you too, I think.

I wish I could erase you, because the pain of longing for you is too terrible.


Anonymous said...

1320 - You took the words right out of my mouth.

I'm sorry for you, for him... and for me and the man I love.

Anonymous said...

You have practically wrote my confession for me word for word. My ex has nothing to do with his son either, and I have a wonderful man that for 9/10ths of his life has been his true dad...not the sperm donor wanna-daddy.

Anonymous said...

Do ya all really believe that, "you've been accusing me for so long that I did IT so your accusations would be valid," bullshit? It's a bunch of bullshit, people and hardly a valid justification for cheating.

Amy said...

I *heart* this blog, that I just found today. Oh, I've missed so much. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me realize so many other women have felt the way I have felt, it made me appreciate the husband I have.

Anonymous said...

#1313, here are the red flags in your post:

-- When you asked me to marry you after we'd been "together" a week

-- I knew you were having issues with the mother of a child who is supposedly yours.

-- I covered for you, telling all my friends you missed the plane in October because you'd had a car wreck going into the airport. Your story, remember?

I hope your date tomorrow is worth it too.

Anonymous said...

#1312 - YES!!!!! Thank you!!!!

I have one of those too.

Anonymous said...

1318: your short but sweet confession made me smile :)

1320: your confession made my heart ache, but i'm sure not as much as yours does.

Anonymous said...


I could have written that word for word. I don't know if it will ever get better, but I hope for both of us that it does.