Confession #921
Dear B:
You know I love and respect you with all my heart but I feel extremely
disrespected by your friends and your failure to speak up when the question
is asked concerning our 4 kids "How could I do that to you?" If my memory
serves me correct it's what you were doing to me when I conceived. We made
these kids together so I did nothing to you. I know you love our kids and
take it jokingly when the question is asked, but I am so tired of it now and
I know you recognize it. Be a man and speak up or I will. And I know you
don’t want ME to do that. Now do you?
Another thing, I know you feel that it's your calling to mentor and help the
disadvantaged young men that you come in contract with, but must you invite
them all to dinner at our house. I love what you do for these young men and
how you are trying to make a difference in their lives, but babe it's
starting to wear on me. With no prior notice to me you invite them over and
I am the one left to cook more food and make last minute accommodations. I
have asked you to take them out to eat sometimes. Trust I will not feel
neglected or left out. I understand you try to show them how a family
functions but a boys' only dinner at a decent restaurant every so often will
truly be a load off of my back. I don't want to do anything to discourage
your efforts or make anyone feel unwelcome but you know we do have 4 kids.
Confession #922
904 is back. Thank you, TWC, for giving me somewhere to clear my head and
spill my feelings. I spoke to my husband after I saw how sad and pathetic
and needy I looked in my confession, and we talked about everything I was
feeling.Things aren't perfect, but they are better. He say he will try
harder to give me more of what I need, and I will try harder to remember
that everyone loves in a different way...and even though he shows his love
differently than I do (or would like) he still loves me.
Confession #923
The other night when I tossed the address book your way, it was supposed to be a reminder to put it away when you're finished. I didn't mean to throw it hard enough to make the pages spill everywhere and for that I'm sorry. But when you put it back together in the half-assed way that you did, it's just teaching our kids (who were both watching you, by the way) that it's okay to not do your best. It's no wonder why are having a hard time getting our oldest son to get motivated about pretty much anything. At his age, you're his hero and he wants to do everything like you do, so buck up and do your best. I know you've got it in you, I've seen it. Just let it out at home once in a while like you do at work every day.
Confession #924
I am so very tired of being told every day that I do not do anything. I work full time, take care of the child, the pets, the housework, the yard work and run almost all of the errands. You work full time. That is about it. I know that I do not bring in most of the income, but that is no reason to treat me like your personal assistant. If you want things done, please take care of them yourself. You are an adult, start acting like it. I am not your mother, I am not your maid, and I am definitely not your slave. I am not going to kill myself with work for the rest of my life in a futile attempt to make you happy. I know that no matter how much I do you will always find something to pick at. I can have all the laundry done but you will complain that the living room needs to be picked up. I can pick up around the house and you will complain that I should have cut the grass instead. There is no pleasing you and I am not going to even try anymore. So, if you want a Martha Stewart clean house, I suggest that you tear yourself away from your online gaming, get a scrub brush, get down on your knees and do it yourself. This is not the 50's, I am not June Cleaver and you are not Ward. Housework is no longer the sole responsibility of the woman. Welcome to the 21st century. You can either deal with it, or get out.
Confession #925
As I read confessions from other women, it makes me realize even more how lucky I am. Not a day goes by that you don't treat me with love and respect. After almost five years my heart still races when I know you're coming home. My body fits perfectly into yours when we sleep. Some of my favorite moments are snuggled on the couch doing nothing with you.
You were there for me when my mom got sick and held my hand through my depression that followed. That means the world to me.
You tell me that I'm the woman of your dreams. That we are meant to be. I can't wait to one day be your wife.
Thank you. Thank you for being such a wonderful man.
I love you with my whole heart.
Confession #926
I like living by myself and I'm not sure I want to marry you. We've made plans to get married and I've been waiting patiently, but I'm not sure I want to now. Plus, another reason I don't want to marry you is because I can't stand your crazy ass family. They are a bunch of alcoholics and your mom grabs my boobs. I want to punch her when she does that.
Confession #927
Waking up with your erection in my ass is hardly foreplay. Yes, occasionally I like quickies too, but every time is a bit much. AND while I am talking about it, constantly wanting to fuck me from behind? I like the position as much as the next girl, but variety is welcome. Plus it kind of makes me feel irrelevant to the whole act. You could be fucking anyone.
Confession #928
to the girl in the next cubicle:
Please blow your nose. It's gross that you sit there all day, sniffing that same snot up your nose. You're a pretty girl, have a nice personality, but your manners are atrocious. No wonder you are still desperate and single at your age.
Get some tissue. Oh, and wash your hands every time you use the bathroom. We've all seen you leave there without doing it.
You mom would be embarrassed.
Confession #929
Today I met a man who kissed me like I should be kissed. All the pecks you give me? All the half assed kisses? All the avoidance of kissing during sex?
It isn't me - it's you. This man lit me up inside with a kiss. Nothing more.
I do not plan to divorce you, but I do plan to sleep with this man. I deserve to feel beautiful. I deserve to feel desired and regardless of what you say to me, your actions never tell me this. I've asked and asked, and things never change.
I take responsibility for breaking my vow of fidelity to you in our marriage - but even a plant needs some sunlight, and I have been in the dark too long.
Confession #930
To my Ex-Husband:
I hate you more than I thought it possible to hate anyone. Over the course of 13 years you destroyed my self-esteem, my self-worth, and as a result, my career.
When I finally got up the strength to leave your lying, narcissistic ass, you started with the games-playing. First the "oh-please-don't-do-this-come-home," and when I stood my ground, you got nasty. You turned what should have been a cut-and-dried divorce into a year of hell, and all to get back at me. You hid money from the attorneys. You insulted and belittled me. You neglected our cats until they both had to be euthanized. I will NEVER, EVER forgive you for that.
And all through this, you never once accepted any of the blame for your actions. You never acknowledged that your drinking, pot smoking, and porn addiction - and your lying about it - undermined our relationship. That you might have been wrong to insist that we build that half-a-million dollar house, never mind that we couldn't afford it, but because you wanted it so badly...then all of a sudden you didn't want to work to pay for it, leaving me to work whatever second and third jobs I could find and still scramble to find ways to pay the bills each month. You didn't care - you already had what you wanted. I was just your accountant, maid, personal shopper, laundress, cook, pet sitter, and whore (oh, and BTW, you 15-second wonder...I *hated* having sex with you!!!!!).
And as the icing on the cake, you had the absolute GALL to go around to our friends, even to MY friends, and sweet-talk them, cry on their shoulders, and do your best to convince them that you're not really a bad guy - that this mess was all *my* fault, and I'm the one who's screwed up. It took me a long time to realize that the ones who believed you, and turned their backs on me, were never my friends in the first place.
You're a prick. You're a whiny, weenie, backstabbing, addiction-riddled, selfish, self-obsessed, narcissistic momma's boy who will NEVER be happy. And if you think you can get away with stalking me, guess again. I'll have you thrown in jail so fast your head will spin.
Get out of my life, you worthless LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
TWC 92 Resolutions...part 2
Confession #916
Seriously--stop flushing the freakin' toilet before you are finished peeing.
I get the whole guy thing of "courtesy flushing" when you are doing the
other (although I do NOT get the reason for staying in there for 30 minutes)
but really--do not flush until you are finished. It's weird and it's gross.
No--you DO NOT time it perfectly so that it will all be taken down the
drain. There are still bubbles and a yellow tint to the water when I go in
there. It freaks me out. It makes me want to vomit. There are GERMS in
pee and I don't want you to leave them in there! I have to go to a
different bathroom in the house whenever you do this! It's gross!
Also--I'm pretty damn sure I NEVER get pee on the seat, under the seat,
around the base of the toilet, or on the floor in front of/around the
toilet--clean it the hell up!
Confession #917
There are so many things that suck about our current situation, and I KNOW that they are just that: situational. I know that situations are temporary, and that one day you will have a job and not be sick and I will be able to do at least some of the things I dream about doing. But I don't see an easy solution for now. When I picture the future, I never see the distant future where we can theoretically have a normal life. I always just see the next several months or years where I know things will still suck.
I love you, but I have to confess: I imagine you dying and things getting better. I don't want to lose you, of course, but I imagine myself being much more able to cope with losing a husband than with another year of this crap. And I'm ashamed of my fantasy, but I can't keep it out of my head.
Confession #918
I know I should feel lucky to have you.You are a great dad ,provider and help with the housework but......Why can't you be better in bed? I have never,ever had an orgasm while you were in the room unless a vibrator was involved. Not only do you suck in bed,you rarely even want sex.
You have driven me to meet men online and hook up with them for sex.I wish you would be a little more adventurous.We could be having such awesome sex if only you would quit being so uptight.What man doesn't want to have sex with 2 women at once? Apparently you!
Confession #919
You are a great guy. i love you so much. But dude, when I have a
raging sore throat, fever, and chills and have spent the whole day at
home with our four children, homeschooling them and breastfeeding
them and dragging my sick butt off of the couch to feed them, I NEED
YOU TO COME STRAIGHT HOME FROM WORK!!! Yes, a few minutes does make
a difference. I know you dont get sick very often, but sometimes I
wish you would just so you can remember what it feels like to have a
cold.
Confession #920
I think on divorce decrees they should add the following for reason of divorce:
-Failed to put a new garbage bag in pail (I mean, c'mon...yes, you take out the garbage, good job...but put a new one in , please!!!).
-Left clothing on floor RIGHT NEXT TO basket (Really? Can you not SEE it??)
-Put food in sink after the kids are done eating (I'm sorry, did I forget to mention AGAIN that we do not have a disposal in our sink...sorry.....and I WILL hit you with a spatula every time you do this...you think you would stop...maybe you like it?)
-Takes the highschair tray off, and leaves it on counter (When CLEARLY it would be too much trouble to just PUT IT BACK).
Babe, I truly love you. But these things, and others that don't come to mind are killing me. Yes, I make a mess. But who cleans it up? ME. When you make a mess, who cleans it up? ME.
I'm not your mom. Stop it. Now.
Seriously--stop flushing the freakin' toilet before you are finished peeing.
I get the whole guy thing of "courtesy flushing" when you are doing the
other (although I do NOT get the reason for staying in there for 30 minutes)
but really--do not flush until you are finished. It's weird and it's gross.
No--you DO NOT time it perfectly so that it will all be taken down the
drain. There are still bubbles and a yellow tint to the water when I go in
there. It freaks me out. It makes me want to vomit. There are GERMS in
pee and I don't want you to leave them in there! I have to go to a
different bathroom in the house whenever you do this! It's gross!
Also--I'm pretty damn sure I NEVER get pee on the seat, under the seat,
around the base of the toilet, or on the floor in front of/around the
toilet--clean it the hell up!
Confession #917
There are so many things that suck about our current situation, and I KNOW that they are just that: situational. I know that situations are temporary, and that one day you will have a job and not be sick and I will be able to do at least some of the things I dream about doing. But I don't see an easy solution for now. When I picture the future, I never see the distant future where we can theoretically have a normal life. I always just see the next several months or years where I know things will still suck.
I love you, but I have to confess: I imagine you dying and things getting better. I don't want to lose you, of course, but I imagine myself being much more able to cope with losing a husband than with another year of this crap. And I'm ashamed of my fantasy, but I can't keep it out of my head.
Confession #918
I know I should feel lucky to have you.You are a great dad ,provider and help with the housework but......Why can't you be better in bed? I have never,ever had an orgasm while you were in the room unless a vibrator was involved. Not only do you suck in bed,you rarely even want sex.
You have driven me to meet men online and hook up with them for sex.I wish you would be a little more adventurous.We could be having such awesome sex if only you would quit being so uptight.What man doesn't want to have sex with 2 women at once? Apparently you!
Confession #919
You are a great guy. i love you so much. But dude, when I have a
raging sore throat, fever, and chills and have spent the whole day at
home with our four children, homeschooling them and breastfeeding
them and dragging my sick butt off of the couch to feed them, I NEED
YOU TO COME STRAIGHT HOME FROM WORK!!! Yes, a few minutes does make
a difference. I know you dont get sick very often, but sometimes I
wish you would just so you can remember what it feels like to have a
cold.
Confession #920
I think on divorce decrees they should add the following for reason of divorce:
-Failed to put a new garbage bag in pail (I mean, c'mon...yes, you take out the garbage, good job...but put a new one in , please!!!).
-Left clothing on floor RIGHT NEXT TO basket (Really? Can you not SEE it??)
-Put food in sink after the kids are done eating (I'm sorry, did I forget to mention AGAIN that we do not have a disposal in our sink...sorry.....and I WILL hit you with a spatula every time you do this...you think you would stop...maybe you like it?)
-Takes the highschair tray off, and leaves it on counter (When CLEARLY it would be too much trouble to just PUT IT BACK).
Babe, I truly love you. But these things, and others that don't come to mind are killing me. Yes, I make a mess. But who cleans it up? ME. When you make a mess, who cleans it up? ME.
I'm not your mom. Stop it. Now.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
True Wife Confessions 92 Resolutions
Confession #911
Last night, we sat and talked about your family. I asked you, point blank, how you managed to avoid being insane, because everyone you grew up with is completely insane. I said to you that I know you love me and you love the children. I have no doubts about that. But how you were able to walk away from your birth family, well, it scares me.
It still scares me. I just don’t want you to ever walk away from us like that.
Confession #912
Friends,
I cannot keep going to your candle parties, your stamping parties, your cookwear parties, your purse parties, your scrapbook parties. I know you need to make money. But I can't afford to help pay your bills. Money is tight for us. The products you are selling are ones I can get cheaper elsewhere, IF I even needed them in the first place. You're in a saturated market. You sell the same products as does everyone else on my block, at work, at church. Maybe that's why you have to be so pushy? Most of you are understanding. A few of you guilt trip me so badly that it makes me not want to be friends any longer. If I say no to your candle party, do I have to be guilted into giving an excuse? Or guilted into making the next one? I am just going to eat your food and not buy anything. You'll end up losing money if I attend. Some of you can no longer have conversations without marketing your products. I want my old friends back. The ones whose brains weren't taken over by MLM Madness.
Confession #913
I love you. You are amazing in almost every way. But please don't
tell me that you can't FINALLY finish your extra job (which was your
idea to take) MONTHS AND MONTHS after you said you would (while our
half fixed up house sits waiting for walls to be put up, floors to be
put down) because you really need to go to sleep at 9 pm each night.
Please don't tell me you're tired, and will just rest for a minute.
We both know it's not true. Please don't tell me "Babe, you know I
don't get enough sleep" when between your naps and bedtime, you get
darn near 7-8 hours a night. And, by the way, Mr. Observant--I get
less sleep than you. Every. Single. Night. I take care of the dogs,
the house, everything about 85% of the time. Your 15% comes when I've
asked you to do it about 3 times already. OH, and I'm gone from the
house as much as you, but the difference is I'm in school (med
school), and you're at work. Who has exams? Who is going to be
responsible for lives with whatever knowledge that she does or does
not properly learn because she is so busy keeping life together and
picking up after you?
We've had you tested, and nothing's out of whack. Your thyroid is
fine, your iron is fine. I just don't think you like dealing with
being tired in any way whatsoever. I think you have the mindset that
if you're tired, everything else isn't as important. Like doing your
work. Or spending more than 10 minutes with me at night before I have
to drag your comatose behind to bed after waking you up about 3
million times.
I especially liked the night that I was downstairs in the bathroom,
after "dropping the kids of at the pool", and I needed toilet paper.
You went upstairs to get it for me, and laid down on the bed and FELL
ASLEEP!!! I seriously wanted to hit you as I was screaming over and
over for you to wake up and get me some friggin' toilet paper as you
are snoozing away in the bed.
Everything else is great. You seriously need to work on this problem,
though. I'm not a toothbrush toilet swoosher, but I may hide all of
it one day and fall asleep when you need it the most. POOPhead.
Confession #914
I love you and am truly blessed to have you in my life. But I absolutely hate it when you sing along to EVERY song, especially in the confined space of a car. It's even worse when you don't know the words and just hum the tune. Please stop before I go completely daffy!
Confession #915
A confession to a friend of a friend,
I met you at my friend's house. Our children tried to play together, but didn't get along. You and I had nothing in common, either. We never spoke or saw each other for months after that. Imagine my shock when an invitation to your child's birthday party arrived in the mail. I asked my friend if it was because you didn't know anyone. She said no, she thought about 30 kids would be attending! Did you send me the invite because you're fishing for presents? Does a 10 dollar gift your child will get bored with in 20 mins really mean that much to you? We won't be attending your party.
Confession #916
Confession #917
Confession #918
Confession #919
Confession #920
Hey, did you notice something? TWC has run out of confessions. Yep, you heard me right. Hard to believe, but true. We will rejoin our regularly schedule programming when the inbox brimmith over again....
Last night, we sat and talked about your family. I asked you, point blank, how you managed to avoid being insane, because everyone you grew up with is completely insane. I said to you that I know you love me and you love the children. I have no doubts about that. But how you were able to walk away from your birth family, well, it scares me.
It still scares me. I just don’t want you to ever walk away from us like that.
Confession #912
Friends,
I cannot keep going to your candle parties, your stamping parties, your cookwear parties, your purse parties, your scrapbook parties. I know you need to make money. But I can't afford to help pay your bills. Money is tight for us. The products you are selling are ones I can get cheaper elsewhere, IF I even needed them in the first place. You're in a saturated market. You sell the same products as does everyone else on my block, at work, at church. Maybe that's why you have to be so pushy? Most of you are understanding. A few of you guilt trip me so badly that it makes me not want to be friends any longer. If I say no to your candle party, do I have to be guilted into giving an excuse? Or guilted into making the next one? I am just going to eat your food and not buy anything. You'll end up losing money if I attend. Some of you can no longer have conversations without marketing your products. I want my old friends back. The ones whose brains weren't taken over by MLM Madness.
Confession #913
I love you. You are amazing in almost every way. But please don't
tell me that you can't FINALLY finish your extra job (which was your
idea to take) MONTHS AND MONTHS after you said you would (while our
half fixed up house sits waiting for walls to be put up, floors to be
put down) because you really need to go to sleep at 9 pm each night.
Please don't tell me you're tired, and will just rest for a minute.
We both know it's not true. Please don't tell me "Babe, you know I
don't get enough sleep" when between your naps and bedtime, you get
darn near 7-8 hours a night. And, by the way, Mr. Observant--I get
less sleep than you. Every. Single. Night. I take care of the dogs,
the house, everything about 85% of the time. Your 15% comes when I've
asked you to do it about 3 times already. OH, and I'm gone from the
house as much as you, but the difference is I'm in school (med
school), and you're at work. Who has exams? Who is going to be
responsible for lives with whatever knowledge that she does or does
not properly learn because she is so busy keeping life together and
picking up after you?
We've had you tested, and nothing's out of whack. Your thyroid is
fine, your iron is fine. I just don't think you like dealing with
being tired in any way whatsoever. I think you have the mindset that
if you're tired, everything else isn't as important. Like doing your
work. Or spending more than 10 minutes with me at night before I have
to drag your comatose behind to bed after waking you up about 3
million times.
I especially liked the night that I was downstairs in the bathroom,
after "dropping the kids of at the pool", and I needed toilet paper.
You went upstairs to get it for me, and laid down on the bed and FELL
ASLEEP!!! I seriously wanted to hit you as I was screaming over and
over for you to wake up and get me some friggin' toilet paper as you
are snoozing away in the bed.
Everything else is great. You seriously need to work on this problem,
though. I'm not a toothbrush toilet swoosher, but I may hide all of
it one day and fall asleep when you need it the most. POOPhead.
Confession #914
I love you and am truly blessed to have you in my life. But I absolutely hate it when you sing along to EVERY song, especially in the confined space of a car. It's even worse when you don't know the words and just hum the tune. Please stop before I go completely daffy!
Confession #915
A confession to a friend of a friend,
I met you at my friend's house. Our children tried to play together, but didn't get along. You and I had nothing in common, either. We never spoke or saw each other for months after that. Imagine my shock when an invitation to your child's birthday party arrived in the mail. I asked my friend if it was because you didn't know anyone. She said no, she thought about 30 kids would be attending! Did you send me the invite because you're fishing for presents? Does a 10 dollar gift your child will get bored with in 20 mins really mean that much to you? We won't be attending your party.
Confession #916
Confession #917
Confession #918
Confession #919
Confession #920
Hey, did you notice something? TWC has run out of confessions. Yep, you heard me right. Hard to believe, but true. We will rejoin our regularly schedule programming when the inbox brimmith over again....
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
True Wife Confessions Bride 91
Confession #901
I will never tell you this. But it sorta excites me (or relieves me) to post it on the world wide web! I kissed another man. I was going to have sex with him but I pushed him off, walked away, and scolded myself. It won't happen again. But I'm never going to tell you about it, even though it's killing me inside. Sometimes telling the truth hurts other people more than if you just keep it in and bare the burden yourself. I'm gonna bare this burden, babe. I'm really sorry I let you down. I'll do better next time.
Confession #902
I love you. I knew I wanted to marry you from before we ever even
dated, when we were friends. I knew that if you weren't "it", than I
didn't know what "it" was. I love that you are a man of God, that you
are full of faith that I aspire to. I love that you love me like none
of my multiple dads have, and that you don't judge me at all by my
slightly crazy family history. I love that you can get past their
craziness to see the good things about them too. You see the good in
everyone (which is slightly annoying when I am grumpy, I admit, but
mostly wonderful.) I can't wait to be the mother of your children
someday, because I know you already have the heart of an amazing
father and that you can't wait to be one.
I appreciate so much that we have moved across the country because
this is the grad school I wanted to go to, and you said to go for
whatever my heart desired. I love that even away from friends and
family, we support each other and are all the family we need. I love
that when I was bored this summer, before school started, you let us
get a second dog, even though you didn't want to. I love that you're
upstairs right now giving him a bath so I can get schoolwork done. (I
promise, I'm about to start.) I love even more that you appreciate
the stress I'm under, and you give great back rubs to help me relax.
You're not perfect. Sometimes you drive me nuts. But I'm an avid
reader of this site, and while I feel like some confessions remind me
of you, most of them just make me so thankful that you somehow chose
me to be your wife.
Confession #903
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why.WHYYYYYYYYY????????????????? Why are you irritating me on levels I never thought possible right now. Good grief man, you are SO ANNOYING. Just STOP berating me, stop chiding me, stop talking to me like I am a three year old, stop patronizing me, stop being so goddamn fucking YOU. Ugh! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Words cannot even describe how much I would like to stab you in the throat right now. Just FUCK OFF.
Confession #904
I don't want to be married to you anymore, but am too scared to do anything about it because I don't want to be a single mother, and I don't want to be a failure. And because I love you.
But I never should have married you, I always knew you didn't love me the way I wanted and deserved to be loved, but I thought it would grow. 5 years later, it hasn't. The other night when you pushed me away, I was so hurt. Since then I have not laid a hand on you, and I have realized (well, I always knew, but now I really know) that if I don't touch you, we don't touch...and if I don't say "I love you", it doesn't get said. The only time I touch you now is in the mornings, when you are sleeping, so I can tell myself that you aren't touching me back because you are asleep, and not because you never do (except occasionally when you want sex, but that is NOT what I mean. It is the other touches that matter so much...the stroking and hugging and hand holding and touches on the back or shoulder that I never get)
You are a good man and an amazing father, but you suck at being a husband. Maybe you just suck at being my husband because you don't love me enough or I want too much, but even though we get along fine and don't fight often, this marriage sucks and is only getting worse and sadder.
Confession #905
This confession is from one wife to another...
You are my neighbor. For quite some time I've been very nice to you. I've done many a favor for you. I have watched and fed your child countless times. You have yet to say, "Thank you." You act as if I should be thanking you. You like to brag about how you've ripped off this person, the school district, or some business. You've told me how you didn't really want your youngest child, "But we're Christians, so what else could we do?" (You have said this in front of her.) You say the only good thing about having an autistic child is using getting a handicapped parking space so you never have to walk far. And you park in handicapped spaces when he's not even with you. Your behavior is revolting. I no longer let you in my house. You probably think I'm completely rude. But to be honest, it takes every bit of self control I have to NOT slap you upside the head. God knows, I WANT to.
And now you are scratching your head and wondering HOW on earth your oldest could have gotten into drugs. And I think you suspect what I do -- that your son is the one who stole some of our belongings. I have told you that if we find the little punk who stole our stuff that we'd prosecute and go after the parents. You agreed heartily that we should at the time. I wonder what you are thinking now?
I hope the cops do find out that it was your son who stole our stuff. Because then we can go after your ass. And then my husband won't tell me I'm such a bitch for not being "neighborly" toward you. He feels sorry for your pathetic ass. I don't. Mainly because I don't think you have a conscious. I don't think you have a soul. If you do, it must be vile and black as tar.
I hope you read this site. I hope you recognize yourself in this confession. Because you really need to get a clue, examine your priorities, and get an attitude adjustment.
Confession #906
I've never told you this, but I am preoccupied with the idea of divorcing you and living on my own. I make up scenarios in my mind that begin with you doing or saying something truly awful to me and end in me leaving you and finding an apartment and starting all over again. I just now realized why I do this. It's because I want to prove that I can. I married very young and I never got the chance to be independent so I feel like I have something to prove. My mom never left my dad the many times she should have (and still hangs on to him to this day) and I just want to show her how it's done. A truly awful way to think, I know. But please trust me when I say that I don't really want to divorce you and I never intend to.
Confession #907
We got married earlier this year after almost a decade together. There are times you drive me absolutely crazy--to the point I really wonder what my life would be without you. Should I have married a guy who wears a suit to work and who loves attending events and involving himself in community leadership? And who doesn't leave dishes in the sink every day, eat all the good cereal or come out of the shower with wet feet on the floor. But then I think of the good stuff, the things I focused on when I said yes to marrying you. The way you absentmindedly kiss my forehead in the movies. How you nap spooning the dog. The way you DO dress up for events and send thank-you cards when I heckle you long enough. How you still can't get enough of grabbing my booty and will always tangle up your arms and legs with mine when we sleep. You've been such a loving buddy, you're my very best friend, and you're going to be an incredible father.
Confession #908
I HATED being your wife. Every single time I heard someone call me MRS_____,
it made me want to scream. I only married you because I came from a
community that viewed marriage as the next step in a relationship. Now that
I've broken free of that whole brainwashing religion I'll never get involved
with a sadomasochistic person like you ever again.
I may have been a virgin when we wed but even I know that you were a
complete loser in bed. I had to watch a few erotic films just so that I
could realistically fake it. In fact the only time I came was when I did the
job myself.
I look back at our time together and realize that you hated youself and just
used me as a dumping ground for all of that self loathing. You are a bastard
for doing that to me. I had people telling me that I could have been
Angelina Jolie's twin but I felt like an ugly freak, that is what you did to
me. Besides, you were the hideous person in our relationship, I never once
thought that you were even remotely attractive.
I hated your mother. You'll never admit it but you hate her as well, that is
why you told her to shutup and would sabotage her. The sick part is that you
depended on her to make your decisions for you, that makes you one sick
fuck. So I hope you end up with a beauty queen that almost immediately
gains 200 pounds. That would be true justice. No even better is that psycho
bitch ex girlfriend that you refused to put in her place when she would
harass me. I hope you get back with her and she just shreds you. Then you
would be even less of a man than you already are.
Live in misery and hope that you rot in the same prison of a life that you
made for me.
Confession #909
I know that you're cheating on me.
I love our kids too much to leave you.
I've DONE the whole single-parent thing once before and I don't want to do it again.
I'm afraid to give you the ultimatum because I don't think you would choose me.
I just hope that you realize you are not just cheating on me, you're cheating on our children.
Confession #910
I pick up a gun and load one bullet into the chamber. I calmly shut it and spin. Then, as you watch, put the gun to my head and….click…
The next day I get the gun out and start to put it to my head. You tell me not to do it that you love me and ask me to put it down. That your afraid I will get hurt. I pull the trigger….click
As the days turn into weeks and weeks into months every day I pull out the gun and…click
You begin to have anxiety attacks just thinking about that sound…that…click…and beg me to get rid of the gun. I tell you it isn’t your problem. That you have to just wait for me to be ready to put the gun down but for now I am not…click
Now it is years later and you have tried everything and are physically sick just knowing the gun is in the house…click
The kids are older now. You used to make excuses about the gun, tried to hide it from them or explain it away so they wouldn’t be as scared as you are but now they know, they see and they fear it as much as you. You plead with me to stop for their sakes but I insist they are fine and so am I. It is you that needs the help...click
It is too much for you to bear as I pull the trigger more and more each day. Oh there have been times I have put the gun down for a while but I have never really let it go. You try to physically wrestle the gun away from me when I pick it up again but that only makes me hate you for making it a problem when it really isn’t….click
Your physically falling apart. Spiritually and emotionally your empty when it comes to the gun. You wish I would either give it up for good or just get the one wrong chamber to bring some sort of end to the nightmare. But you really don’t want it to end that way. You want me to get it, to care enough about myself and you and our children to stop but somehow I don’t…click
Just the other day you walked into your baby girls room and found her with a gun to her head…click
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That’s what it is like living with your alcoholism.
It’s the only way I can say it.
You think I wont leave but if you don’t stop I will, and I wont wait until our kids are drunks like you to do it.
I will never tell you this. But it sorta excites me (or relieves me) to post it on the world wide web! I kissed another man. I was going to have sex with him but I pushed him off, walked away, and scolded myself. It won't happen again. But I'm never going to tell you about it, even though it's killing me inside. Sometimes telling the truth hurts other people more than if you just keep it in and bare the burden yourself. I'm gonna bare this burden, babe. I'm really sorry I let you down. I'll do better next time.
Confession #902
I love you. I knew I wanted to marry you from before we ever even
dated, when we were friends. I knew that if you weren't "it", than I
didn't know what "it" was. I love that you are a man of God, that you
are full of faith that I aspire to. I love that you love me like none
of my multiple dads have, and that you don't judge me at all by my
slightly crazy family history. I love that you can get past their
craziness to see the good things about them too. You see the good in
everyone (which is slightly annoying when I am grumpy, I admit, but
mostly wonderful.) I can't wait to be the mother of your children
someday, because I know you already have the heart of an amazing
father and that you can't wait to be one.
I appreciate so much that we have moved across the country because
this is the grad school I wanted to go to, and you said to go for
whatever my heart desired. I love that even away from friends and
family, we support each other and are all the family we need. I love
that when I was bored this summer, before school started, you let us
get a second dog, even though you didn't want to. I love that you're
upstairs right now giving him a bath so I can get schoolwork done. (I
promise, I'm about to start.) I love even more that you appreciate
the stress I'm under, and you give great back rubs to help me relax.
You're not perfect. Sometimes you drive me nuts. But I'm an avid
reader of this site, and while I feel like some confessions remind me
of you, most of them just make me so thankful that you somehow chose
me to be your wife.
Confession #903
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why.WHYYYYYYYYY????????????????? Why are you irritating me on levels I never thought possible right now. Good grief man, you are SO ANNOYING. Just STOP berating me, stop chiding me, stop talking to me like I am a three year old, stop patronizing me, stop being so goddamn fucking YOU. Ugh! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Words cannot even describe how much I would like to stab you in the throat right now. Just FUCK OFF.
Confession #904
I don't want to be married to you anymore, but am too scared to do anything about it because I don't want to be a single mother, and I don't want to be a failure. And because I love you.
But I never should have married you, I always knew you didn't love me the way I wanted and deserved to be loved, but I thought it would grow. 5 years later, it hasn't. The other night when you pushed me away, I was so hurt. Since then I have not laid a hand on you, and I have realized (well, I always knew, but now I really know) that if I don't touch you, we don't touch...and if I don't say "I love you", it doesn't get said. The only time I touch you now is in the mornings, when you are sleeping, so I can tell myself that you aren't touching me back because you are asleep, and not because you never do (except occasionally when you want sex, but that is NOT what I mean. It is the other touches that matter so much...the stroking and hugging and hand holding and touches on the back or shoulder that I never get)
You are a good man and an amazing father, but you suck at being a husband. Maybe you just suck at being my husband because you don't love me enough or I want too much, but even though we get along fine and don't fight often, this marriage sucks and is only getting worse and sadder.
Confession #905
This confession is from one wife to another...
You are my neighbor. For quite some time I've been very nice to you. I've done many a favor for you. I have watched and fed your child countless times. You have yet to say, "Thank you." You act as if I should be thanking you. You like to brag about how you've ripped off this person, the school district, or some business. You've told me how you didn't really want your youngest child, "But we're Christians, so what else could we do?" (You have said this in front of her.) You say the only good thing about having an autistic child is using getting a handicapped parking space so you never have to walk far. And you park in handicapped spaces when he's not even with you. Your behavior is revolting. I no longer let you in my house. You probably think I'm completely rude. But to be honest, it takes every bit of self control I have to NOT slap you upside the head. God knows, I WANT to.
And now you are scratching your head and wondering HOW on earth your oldest could have gotten into drugs. And I think you suspect what I do -- that your son is the one who stole some of our belongings. I have told you that if we find the little punk who stole our stuff that we'd prosecute and go after the parents. You agreed heartily that we should at the time. I wonder what you are thinking now?
I hope the cops do find out that it was your son who stole our stuff. Because then we can go after your ass. And then my husband won't tell me I'm such a bitch for not being "neighborly" toward you. He feels sorry for your pathetic ass. I don't. Mainly because I don't think you have a conscious. I don't think you have a soul. If you do, it must be vile and black as tar.
I hope you read this site. I hope you recognize yourself in this confession. Because you really need to get a clue, examine your priorities, and get an attitude adjustment.
Confession #906
I've never told you this, but I am preoccupied with the idea of divorcing you and living on my own. I make up scenarios in my mind that begin with you doing or saying something truly awful to me and end in me leaving you and finding an apartment and starting all over again. I just now realized why I do this. It's because I want to prove that I can. I married very young and I never got the chance to be independent so I feel like I have something to prove. My mom never left my dad the many times she should have (and still hangs on to him to this day) and I just want to show her how it's done. A truly awful way to think, I know. But please trust me when I say that I don't really want to divorce you and I never intend to.
Confession #907
We got married earlier this year after almost a decade together. There are times you drive me absolutely crazy--to the point I really wonder what my life would be without you. Should I have married a guy who wears a suit to work and who loves attending events and involving himself in community leadership? And who doesn't leave dishes in the sink every day, eat all the good cereal or come out of the shower with wet feet on the floor. But then I think of the good stuff, the things I focused on when I said yes to marrying you. The way you absentmindedly kiss my forehead in the movies. How you nap spooning the dog. The way you DO dress up for events and send thank-you cards when I heckle you long enough. How you still can't get enough of grabbing my booty and will always tangle up your arms and legs with mine when we sleep. You've been such a loving buddy, you're my very best friend, and you're going to be an incredible father.
Confession #908
I HATED being your wife. Every single time I heard someone call me MRS_____,
it made me want to scream. I only married you because I came from a
community that viewed marriage as the next step in a relationship. Now that
I've broken free of that whole brainwashing religion I'll never get involved
with a sadomasochistic person like you ever again.
I may have been a virgin when we wed but even I know that you were a
complete loser in bed. I had to watch a few erotic films just so that I
could realistically fake it. In fact the only time I came was when I did the
job myself.
I look back at our time together and realize that you hated youself and just
used me as a dumping ground for all of that self loathing. You are a bastard
for doing that to me. I had people telling me that I could have been
Angelina Jolie's twin but I felt like an ugly freak, that is what you did to
me. Besides, you were the hideous person in our relationship, I never once
thought that you were even remotely attractive.
I hated your mother. You'll never admit it but you hate her as well, that is
why you told her to shutup and would sabotage her. The sick part is that you
depended on her to make your decisions for you, that makes you one sick
fuck. So I hope you end up with a beauty queen that almost immediately
gains 200 pounds. That would be true justice. No even better is that psycho
bitch ex girlfriend that you refused to put in her place when she would
harass me. I hope you get back with her and she just shreds you. Then you
would be even less of a man than you already are.
Live in misery and hope that you rot in the same prison of a life that you
made for me.
Confession #909
I know that you're cheating on me.
I love our kids too much to leave you.
I've DONE the whole single-parent thing once before and I don't want to do it again.
I'm afraid to give you the ultimatum because I don't think you would choose me.
I just hope that you realize you are not just cheating on me, you're cheating on our children.
Confession #910
I pick up a gun and load one bullet into the chamber. I calmly shut it and spin. Then, as you watch, put the gun to my head and….click…
The next day I get the gun out and start to put it to my head. You tell me not to do it that you love me and ask me to put it down. That your afraid I will get hurt. I pull the trigger….click
As the days turn into weeks and weeks into months every day I pull out the gun and…click
You begin to have anxiety attacks just thinking about that sound…that…click…and beg me to get rid of the gun. I tell you it isn’t your problem. That you have to just wait for me to be ready to put the gun down but for now I am not…click
Now it is years later and you have tried everything and are physically sick just knowing the gun is in the house…click
The kids are older now. You used to make excuses about the gun, tried to hide it from them or explain it away so they wouldn’t be as scared as you are but now they know, they see and they fear it as much as you. You plead with me to stop for their sakes but I insist they are fine and so am I. It is you that needs the help...click
It is too much for you to bear as I pull the trigger more and more each day. Oh there have been times I have put the gun down for a while but I have never really let it go. You try to physically wrestle the gun away from me when I pick it up again but that only makes me hate you for making it a problem when it really isn’t….click
Your physically falling apart. Spiritually and emotionally your empty when it comes to the gun. You wish I would either give it up for good or just get the one wrong chamber to bring some sort of end to the nightmare. But you really don’t want it to end that way. You want me to get it, to care enough about myself and you and our children to stop but somehow I don’t…click
Just the other day you walked into your baby girls room and found her with a gun to her head…click
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That’s what it is like living with your alcoholism.
It’s the only way I can say it.
You think I wont leave but if you don’t stop I will, and I wont wait until our kids are drunks like you to do it.
Monday, October 09, 2006
True Wife Confessions 90 Mile beach in New Zealand
Confession #891
I am having an affair with your husband. The one that you brag to everyone about how he would NEVER cheat on you because he is too "P***Y whipped" and he is SO in love with you and your body and that you fulfill all (and I do mean all) sexual fantasies he has. The one you brag to everyone about how much money he spends on you and doesn't hesitate to buy you something, regardless of the cost, if you want it enough or pout enough. The one that you brag to everyone about how much he loves and takes care of (financially)YOUR juvenile delinquent kids from a previous relationship? The one that "bought you out of" having to wear his wedding ring.
It's YOUR fault. You're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't take enough effort to worry about the things he does. How is it possible that he can come over to my house 3-4 times a week and spend the night? How is it possible that he can stay the weekends with me? How is it possible that he's got my pictures on his cell phone and sends/receives text messages to/from me at ALL HOURS of the day/night?
I have tried to end it but he just won't let me. He cries and constantly tell me how much he loves me and would do anything to be with me. He tells me I am his soulmate and the only happiness that he knows. We are GREAT in bed together.
He HATES your kids but he LOVES the one you both have together. He knows how much that kid loves you and needs you both right now. He knows you will never afford to live on your own. He pays my bills in order to get me to stay. He takes me on trips, concerts, dates, buys me things, helps clean my house. I know he is a liar. I know that regardless of how much he says that he and I will eventually be together, I would NEVER marry him or commit to him, regardless of the mutual feelings that I have for him.
Confession #892
I know you still drink
Confession #893
Dear You,
I want to thank you for being such a wonderful man and accepting the fact that you wanted me and I came with a child. She loves and adores you. You have two from your previous marriage and well, everyone knows that was a mistake. You just don't get married because you get someone pregnant. Granted, that was ten years ago and you thought you were doing the right thing. Many props to you for that. You are a good man, that is a fact.
But....
You know, sometimes you can be a real asshole and I just want to go into some "temporarily insane" rage and pull a Lorraina on your ass. I am sick, I feel like shit and I need you to bring me something to work to make me feel better. Can you? Hell no because you're busy at work. I have learned to deal with the 80+ hours a week and that is fine. It's what you/we signed up for. BUT if this was something you wanted to do, you would do it with NO question.
Stop being such a prick before you come home one night and I give you a much needed iron skillet upside the head!
Confession #894
I hate the fact that you talk too much. Sometimes, I think it's because you have a complex that people thinking you're a dumbass. When you and your friends get together and start talking about politics, religion or random shit, it makes me want to slit my wrist with a fingernail file. It makes my ass hurt to deal with you clowns.
I've tried really hard to stay true and faithful, but I've meet someone and I can't fight the feeling any longer. He makes me smile. I almost slept with him last night, but didn't because I had to go home. We have a plan for later this week to have hot smack sex, something I don't have with you.
Confession #895
Same shit, different millennium. I waited two years after my divorce before
I felt ready to move on and start dating again. I was excited about it.
Last time I was single I was dating boys. Now I would be dating men. HA!
Are there any MEN out there? I am starting to think not. Why will a grown
man choose to tell a woman how much he likes her and that he will call her
and put forth the effort to seem really sincere about it when he could just
say "I don't think this is going to work." I know it is not pleasant , but
just tell me the fucking truth. I am reasonable. I can take it. Instead
you just subject me to the same game of phone watching I played in college
and high school. Someone PLEASE tell me that most men do mature a little
bit between the ages of 20 and 40. I sooo don't have the time for this shit
anymore. I guess I really ought to just board up my windows and get a bunch
of cats.
Note to all single, middle-aged idiots. You really should get some maturity
to go along with your receding hairlines and beer guts. You just aren't
hot enough to get away with being assholes any more!!!!!
Damn, I wish I could just be a lesbian.
Confession #896
Why are you shocked that our young kids like me more
than you? Every time they do something wrong, who do
you yell at? ME. It's my fault for everything they
do wrong and boy do you let me know about it. Then,
you wonder why the girls always run to me for comfort
and don't even want your hugs or kisses.
They are too busy protecting Mommy. Also, don't be
surprised when you are called on the carpet for your
behavior. Our oldest tells all of her Grandparents,
and everyone she can find, that you are "always mad at
Mommy. We have to be good so Daddy won't take it out
on Mommy."
Confession #897
I hate you. I've hated you since December 24, 2004. The night you came
home crying that you hit rock bottom and you didn't know what to do.
Two weeks later, our beautiful little boy was born. While I was in the
hospital where I could barely move because of the Cesarean, I gave
you money for gas money and you managed to take $1,100 from my
checking account. You're big solution? Your daddy paid me back the
money.
I hate you. You let me drown in debt. You knew I was struggling with
the $8,0000 hospital bill and the $2,000 ER bill, and the $2,500
cardiologist bill for OUR son. Yet, you continued to gamble and lie to
me about all the pressure you were under and how you were doing the
best you could.
I hate you. You promised to give me money one Friday night, and the
next day you told me you had gotten arrested for DUI, and the bail was
conveniently your entire paycheck.
I hate you. I hate that you expect me to believe when you went to
court for this, and the "charges" were dropped you told me they didn't
give you back your bail money.
No, I'm not stupid. I know you lied to me.
I hate that you let me get overwhelmed in debt. I hate that my mom had
to bail me out. I hate that you now say what the big deal is, the
bills are paid. I hate that you're teaching my son that it's OK to
bail on your family. I hate that you pay your dad the money you owe
him every month, yet you've only given me $100 this year.
You lazy, sob, I hate you. And I hate myself for letting you stay this long.
Confession #898
This morning when you rolled over to me and said, “Good Morning babe, I love you.” And then asked me to snuggle you until I had to get up for work – was the greatest I have felt in a while and I appreciate it and you so much.
Confession #899
I am angry with you. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to watch our boys grow up and do great things together, school, sports, prom… We were supposed to have a beautiful daughter together. We were supposed to buy our first home together, take our children to Disneyland. We were supposed to love each other so much that we tried everything to make it work. I am angry with you because you aren’t willing to try. What were once our dreams and plans are no more. Instead I have plans on leaving you and making the best life possible for me and our children, putting the pieces together all the while trying not to fall apart. I will survive this, because what is the other option. And despite all this anger and hurt, I still love you more than anything and that hurts.
Confession #900
After months of you accusing me of sleeping with my co-worker, I finally did it. I love you but I needed to get you back for cheating on me.
Oh, and I'd do it again if I had the chance. I'm not sorry that it happened.
I am having an affair with your husband. The one that you brag to everyone about how he would NEVER cheat on you because he is too "P***Y whipped" and he is SO in love with you and your body and that you fulfill all (and I do mean all) sexual fantasies he has. The one you brag to everyone about how much money he spends on you and doesn't hesitate to buy you something, regardless of the cost, if you want it enough or pout enough. The one that you brag to everyone about how much he loves and takes care of (financially)YOUR juvenile delinquent kids from a previous relationship? The one that "bought you out of" having to wear his wedding ring.
It's YOUR fault. You're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't take enough effort to worry about the things he does. How is it possible that he can come over to my house 3-4 times a week and spend the night? How is it possible that he can stay the weekends with me? How is it possible that he's got my pictures on his cell phone and sends/receives text messages to/from me at ALL HOURS of the day/night?
I have tried to end it but he just won't let me. He cries and constantly tell me how much he loves me and would do anything to be with me. He tells me I am his soulmate and the only happiness that he knows. We are GREAT in bed together.
He HATES your kids but he LOVES the one you both have together. He knows how much that kid loves you and needs you both right now. He knows you will never afford to live on your own. He pays my bills in order to get me to stay. He takes me on trips, concerts, dates, buys me things, helps clean my house. I know he is a liar. I know that regardless of how much he says that he and I will eventually be together, I would NEVER marry him or commit to him, regardless of the mutual feelings that I have for him.
Confession #892
I know you still drink
Confession #893
Dear You,
I want to thank you for being such a wonderful man and accepting the fact that you wanted me and I came with a child. She loves and adores you. You have two from your previous marriage and well, everyone knows that was a mistake. You just don't get married because you get someone pregnant. Granted, that was ten years ago and you thought you were doing the right thing. Many props to you for that. You are a good man, that is a fact.
But....
You know, sometimes you can be a real asshole and I just want to go into some "temporarily insane" rage and pull a Lorraina on your ass. I am sick, I feel like shit and I need you to bring me something to work to make me feel better. Can you? Hell no because you're busy at work. I have learned to deal with the 80+ hours a week and that is fine. It's what you/we signed up for. BUT if this was something you wanted to do, you would do it with NO question.
Stop being such a prick before you come home one night and I give you a much needed iron skillet upside the head!
Confession #894
I hate the fact that you talk too much. Sometimes, I think it's because you have a complex that people thinking you're a dumbass. When you and your friends get together and start talking about politics, religion or random shit, it makes me want to slit my wrist with a fingernail file. It makes my ass hurt to deal with you clowns.
I've tried really hard to stay true and faithful, but I've meet someone and I can't fight the feeling any longer. He makes me smile. I almost slept with him last night, but didn't because I had to go home. We have a plan for later this week to have hot smack sex, something I don't have with you.
Confession #895
Same shit, different millennium. I waited two years after my divorce before
I felt ready to move on and start dating again. I was excited about it.
Last time I was single I was dating boys. Now I would be dating men. HA!
Are there any MEN out there? I am starting to think not. Why will a grown
man choose to tell a woman how much he likes her and that he will call her
and put forth the effort to seem really sincere about it when he could just
say "I don't think this is going to work." I know it is not pleasant , but
just tell me the fucking truth. I am reasonable. I can take it. Instead
you just subject me to the same game of phone watching I played in college
and high school. Someone PLEASE tell me that most men do mature a little
bit between the ages of 20 and 40. I sooo don't have the time for this shit
anymore. I guess I really ought to just board up my windows and get a bunch
of cats.
Note to all single, middle-aged idiots. You really should get some maturity
to go along with your receding hairlines and beer guts. You just aren't
hot enough to get away with being assholes any more!!!!!
Damn, I wish I could just be a lesbian.
Confession #896
Why are you shocked that our young kids like me more
than you? Every time they do something wrong, who do
you yell at? ME. It's my fault for everything they
do wrong and boy do you let me know about it. Then,
you wonder why the girls always run to me for comfort
and don't even want your hugs or kisses.
They are too busy protecting Mommy. Also, don't be
surprised when you are called on the carpet for your
behavior. Our oldest tells all of her Grandparents,
and everyone she can find, that you are "always mad at
Mommy. We have to be good so Daddy won't take it out
on Mommy."
Confession #897
I hate you. I've hated you since December 24, 2004. The night you came
home crying that you hit rock bottom and you didn't know what to do.
Two weeks later, our beautiful little boy was born. While I was in the
hospital where I could barely move because of the Cesarean, I gave
you money for gas money and you managed to take $1,100 from my
checking account. You're big solution? Your daddy paid me back the
money.
I hate you. You let me drown in debt. You knew I was struggling with
the $8,0000 hospital bill and the $2,000 ER bill, and the $2,500
cardiologist bill for OUR son. Yet, you continued to gamble and lie to
me about all the pressure you were under and how you were doing the
best you could.
I hate you. You promised to give me money one Friday night, and the
next day you told me you had gotten arrested for DUI, and the bail was
conveniently your entire paycheck.
I hate you. I hate that you expect me to believe when you went to
court for this, and the "charges" were dropped you told me they didn't
give you back your bail money.
No, I'm not stupid. I know you lied to me.
I hate that you let me get overwhelmed in debt. I hate that my mom had
to bail me out. I hate that you now say what the big deal is, the
bills are paid. I hate that you're teaching my son that it's OK to
bail on your family. I hate that you pay your dad the money you owe
him every month, yet you've only given me $100 this year.
You lazy, sob, I hate you. And I hate myself for letting you stay this long.
Confession #898
This morning when you rolled over to me and said, “Good Morning babe, I love you.” And then asked me to snuggle you until I had to get up for work – was the greatest I have felt in a while and I appreciate it and you so much.
Confession #899
I am angry with you. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to watch our boys grow up and do great things together, school, sports, prom… We were supposed to have a beautiful daughter together. We were supposed to buy our first home together, take our children to Disneyland. We were supposed to love each other so much that we tried everything to make it work. I am angry with you because you aren’t willing to try. What were once our dreams and plans are no more. Instead I have plans on leaving you and making the best life possible for me and our children, putting the pieces together all the while trying not to fall apart. I will survive this, because what is the other option. And despite all this anger and hurt, I still love you more than anything and that hurts.
Confession #900
After months of you accusing me of sleeping with my co-worker, I finally did it. I love you but I needed to get you back for cheating on me.
Oh, and I'd do it again if I had the chance. I'm not sorry that it happened.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
True Wife Confessions 89 Percent more truthiness
Confession #881
Every moment that I spend with you I feel a small piece of me die. Every single time you look at me with blank eyes devoid of emotion and love, every time you ignore me, everyday we go without talking, every time you refuse to show me even the smallest bit of intimacy---I die. It is a slow death. A painful death. Much worse than any I could imagine. It leaves me angry. It leaves me wondering when it will be my turn for love. Left by my parents, unloved by spouse. My own personal hell.
Confession #882
I know you think my brother is a sleazy, no-good dropout, but he's still my brother, my family. You were so mad when you found out that I bought him a bit of groceries - I don't give him money or buy him cigarettes, I just buy him a bit of food sometimes. I really don't understand how you can be such an ass to insist that he must fend for himself. He made a choice to live on his own, but I don't think that means that we can let him starve. Now I sneak him groceries - I shop when I'm at work and take them to him when I go out in the evening. It's not worth the fight and you being mad at me for days, so I just don't tell you.
Also, that extra food that you found in the car last week? - I didn't forget to bring it in, it was for him.
Confession #883
Every time your mother visits I realize that you are so much more than how you were raised. Yeah, you have some mildly annoying habits. But compared to her they are nothing. I don't know how you stood it all these years. I know I'm the one who is always pushing to maintain a relationship with her, but when she's here she's so irritating I can barely stand it. How is it possible for one person to turn the conversation to herself over and over so doggedly? Did she train for it?
Confession #884
I know you are sleepy. I am sleepy too. But, when you yell at our child at night and tell her to go back to sleep before you beat the shit out of her? And this makes her cry harder? So you yell louder? I swear, if I had a knife, I would stab you in the fucking heart for that. I don't know where you learned that being a bully works, but it is a piss poor strategy and will lose you your wife and daughter someday.
Confession #885
Although I adore you, your memory loss really tries my patience.
For example, recently I told you all about the amount of fiber in a particular breakfast cereal. You listened intently and said something like, "Wow, I didn't know that." This morning, you took the cereal out of the cabinet and "educated" me on how much fiber it has.
I already know. I told you for Christ's sake.
I know your memory is horrible and I know your memory is horrible for a very valid reason. It just makes me insane that you try to tell me things that 1) I already know and 2) I told YOU about or you wouldn't even know
Confession #886
They always say hindsight is 20/20. I should have listened to my Mother when she told me to slow down and date other people before I got so serious with you. Mothers really are always right. I have feelings for you because you are the father of my child, but I don't love you. I stopped feeling love a long time ago. You only make an effort when you want sex, other than that you don't even act like you care. I'm not even attracted to you any more. The only reason I'm still here is our son. You are his world, and I don't want to crush him. I don't know how long I can live this way, but you can bet that when and if I do leave our son will be coming with me.
Confession #887
Sometimes I fantasize while listening to Brad Paisley's song "She Everything" that you wrote it and you wrote it for me. And then I get mad at you because you didn't write that song and you didn't write it for me.
Confession #888
If you grab at my breasts one more time I am going to cut your hands off. I don't like to be mauled, it is not a turn on at all. You act like they are your personal property and that you can do whatever you want to them. Sometime I am going to grab your penis and do the same things that you do, and I will bet money that you will be rolling on the floor in agony. When I tell you to stop I am not joking around. I mean stop. As in right fucking now. I am a person, not just a pair of boobs.
Confession #889
I was so happy a few weeks ago. Now, I don't know what's wrong with me. I find myself getting angry and annoyed with you for no reason. The things I found most attractive about you, I now find really, really, annoying.
I'm also worried that you'll end up leaving me once you find out that I'm not as sure as I was a few months ago. You've been bettering yourself while I've been staying the same. What if you meet somebody better? I don't think my heart could take it, and though I know, right now, at this moment, I don't deserve you.
The fear, the unknowing, the stress, the agitation-it's all becoming to much for me.
Maybe I'm just scared. Our relationship is getting serious and I think I'm scared of commitment.
I love you. I know I do. But I don't know if I'm ready for the engagement What do I do?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Confession #890
I do so many of the things other wives are confessing they hate their
husbands for and I'm terrified that you are going to hate me for it.
I'm lazy, I'm a slob, I spend most days sitting at the computer, I
never finish anything I start, and I'm a bad mother. When I tell you
that, you say, "Look at our daughter, she's amazing, and that's
because of you!" but I know that it's only despite me. I think Elmo
pays more attention to her than I do. Your family sees what a loser I
am, and I'm sure they wonder why you don't. Sometimes I wonder if I'm
some sort of project for you. Like because you can fix anything, you
want to see if you can fix me. And I do need fixing. But you deserve a
wife who doesn't need to be fixed, or at least one who isn't as
completely broken as I am.
Sometimes I wonder if you like me this way. When I'm at my lowest lows
is when you are the tenderest and give me the most help. Maybe I am
this way because it's working. I can get away with being lazy if I
just tell you how often I think of killing myself, which really is
often, because then you do the dishes that I have let sit in the sink
for a week and order us a pizza so I don't have to do anything. And if
I scream about how overwhelmed I am, you'll come home on your
lunch break and vacuum and tell me that I'm doing a great job. And I
love you so much for that, and I hate myself so much for it.
I know I can do better. I know I am capable of great things. You know
this, and you have helped convince me of it. I'm trying to be better,
and have faced many setbacks. Sometimes it is hard not to give up on
myself when I feel like the only person in the world who HASN'T given
up on me is you. And I'm sure you will too, one day. I don't know why
you haven't already.
Every moment that I spend with you I feel a small piece of me die. Every single time you look at me with blank eyes devoid of emotion and love, every time you ignore me, everyday we go without talking, every time you refuse to show me even the smallest bit of intimacy---I die. It is a slow death. A painful death. Much worse than any I could imagine. It leaves me angry. It leaves me wondering when it will be my turn for love. Left by my parents, unloved by spouse. My own personal hell.
Confession #882
I know you think my brother is a sleazy, no-good dropout, but he's still my brother, my family. You were so mad when you found out that I bought him a bit of groceries - I don't give him money or buy him cigarettes, I just buy him a bit of food sometimes. I really don't understand how you can be such an ass to insist that he must fend for himself. He made a choice to live on his own, but I don't think that means that we can let him starve. Now I sneak him groceries - I shop when I'm at work and take them to him when I go out in the evening. It's not worth the fight and you being mad at me for days, so I just don't tell you.
Also, that extra food that you found in the car last week? - I didn't forget to bring it in, it was for him.
Confession #883
Every time your mother visits I realize that you are so much more than how you were raised. Yeah, you have some mildly annoying habits. But compared to her they are nothing. I don't know how you stood it all these years. I know I'm the one who is always pushing to maintain a relationship with her, but when she's here she's so irritating I can barely stand it. How is it possible for one person to turn the conversation to herself over and over so doggedly? Did she train for it?
Confession #884
I know you are sleepy. I am sleepy too. But, when you yell at our child at night and tell her to go back to sleep before you beat the shit out of her? And this makes her cry harder? So you yell louder? I swear, if I had a knife, I would stab you in the fucking heart for that. I don't know where you learned that being a bully works, but it is a piss poor strategy and will lose you your wife and daughter someday.
Confession #885
Although I adore you, your memory loss really tries my patience.
For example, recently I told you all about the amount of fiber in a particular breakfast cereal. You listened intently and said something like, "Wow, I didn't know that." This morning, you took the cereal out of the cabinet and "educated" me on how much fiber it has.
I already know. I told you for Christ's sake.
I know your memory is horrible and I know your memory is horrible for a very valid reason. It just makes me insane that you try to tell me things that 1) I already know and 2) I told YOU about or you wouldn't even know
Confession #886
They always say hindsight is 20/20. I should have listened to my Mother when she told me to slow down and date other people before I got so serious with you. Mothers really are always right. I have feelings for you because you are the father of my child, but I don't love you. I stopped feeling love a long time ago. You only make an effort when you want sex, other than that you don't even act like you care. I'm not even attracted to you any more. The only reason I'm still here is our son. You are his world, and I don't want to crush him. I don't know how long I can live this way, but you can bet that when and if I do leave our son will be coming with me.
Confession #887
Sometimes I fantasize while listening to Brad Paisley's song "She Everything" that you wrote it and you wrote it for me. And then I get mad at you because you didn't write that song and you didn't write it for me.
Confession #888
If you grab at my breasts one more time I am going to cut your hands off. I don't like to be mauled, it is not a turn on at all. You act like they are your personal property and that you can do whatever you want to them. Sometime I am going to grab your penis and do the same things that you do, and I will bet money that you will be rolling on the floor in agony. When I tell you to stop I am not joking around. I mean stop. As in right fucking now. I am a person, not just a pair of boobs.
Confession #889
I was so happy a few weeks ago. Now, I don't know what's wrong with me. I find myself getting angry and annoyed with you for no reason. The things I found most attractive about you, I now find really, really, annoying.
I'm also worried that you'll end up leaving me once you find out that I'm not as sure as I was a few months ago. You've been bettering yourself while I've been staying the same. What if you meet somebody better? I don't think my heart could take it, and though I know, right now, at this moment, I don't deserve you.
The fear, the unknowing, the stress, the agitation-it's all becoming to much for me.
Maybe I'm just scared. Our relationship is getting serious and I think I'm scared of commitment.
I love you. I know I do. But I don't know if I'm ready for the engagement What do I do?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Confession #890
I do so many of the things other wives are confessing they hate their
husbands for and I'm terrified that you are going to hate me for it.
I'm lazy, I'm a slob, I spend most days sitting at the computer, I
never finish anything I start, and I'm a bad mother. When I tell you
that, you say, "Look at our daughter, she's amazing, and that's
because of you!" but I know that it's only despite me. I think Elmo
pays more attention to her than I do. Your family sees what a loser I
am, and I'm sure they wonder why you don't. Sometimes I wonder if I'm
some sort of project for you. Like because you can fix anything, you
want to see if you can fix me. And I do need fixing. But you deserve a
wife who doesn't need to be fixed, or at least one who isn't as
completely broken as I am.
Sometimes I wonder if you like me this way. When I'm at my lowest lows
is when you are the tenderest and give me the most help. Maybe I am
this way because it's working. I can get away with being lazy if I
just tell you how often I think of killing myself, which really is
often, because then you do the dishes that I have let sit in the sink
for a week and order us a pizza so I don't have to do anything. And if
I scream about how overwhelmed I am, you'll come home on your
lunch break and vacuum and tell me that I'm doing a great job. And I
love you so much for that, and I hate myself so much for it.
I know I can do better. I know I am capable of great things. You know
this, and you have helped convince me of it. I'm trying to be better,
and have faced many setbacks. Sometimes it is hard not to give up on
myself when I feel like the only person in the world who HASN'T given
up on me is you. And I'm sure you will too, one day. I don't know why
you haven't already.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
True Wife Confessions Crazy 88, O-Ren Ishii's Army
Confession #881
Sometimes you tell me that you think I love the kids more than I love you. I would die for them, but would not do the same for you. Does that make it true?
Confession #882
I don’t care if your kids hate me. I don’t care if your family hates me. I don’t want anything more in this world than to be with you, in love with you. My entire world revolves around you. I want to be the reason that you are happy, the reason you smile. I’m tired of constantly fighting with everyone because your “kids” turn everything that I say around to make me out to be a heinous beast. If that’s what they want, I can deliver, but I don’t want to hurt you. I know that it kills you the way they act and the things that they do and I just don’t want to add to that turmoil. I want your family to get their heads out of the mud and realize that these “kids” are adults and it’s time to stop enabling your son to be a drug addict and a thief and it’s time to stop enabling your daughter to be a dead-beat mother. I love our granddaughter more than my next breath and all the things I do for your daughter are SOLELY because of my love for that baby. So what’s going to give? I never wanted things to be like this. I wanted to love those kids and help them and all I get in return is hatred and name calling…I don’t want to stoop to their level, but I’m almost to the point of living as the monster they created. What in the world did we do to deserve this? You are so sweet and mellow and loving and intelligent…I can’t believe these retarded problems came from your DNA.
I love you. I will never stop loving you. BUT my fuse is about to run out and if they think things were ugly before, well they ain’t seen nothing yet.
Confession #883
I am so tired of seeing your porn everywhere i go in this house, tired of
you and your friends opening up to your "favorite" pages and shouting
"YEAH!" or "NICE!", tired of seeing tits hanging on every wall of our
garage. I used to be in the "porn is alright" camp. It never bothered me
before if my s.o. was looking at a Playboy, some internet porn, or watching
a movie - every once in awhile. I knew it was something all men do. I
didn't realize some had to do it EVERY DAY.
Sometimes I think I should be thankful that you don't have anything truly
disgusting around, that you don't spend hours on the Internet or in a strip
club. If someone held a gun to my head and asked what would I rather see for
the rest of my life, strange boobs or unknown shaved snatch, I would
definitely pick boobs. I really wouldn't care about your current magazine
obssession if they weren't in every bathroom, our bedroom, and stacked up in
the spare room. And then the fact that you and all your friends get together
and have some kind of discussion panel about it all. Could you do that when
I'm not around?
And by the way, if you could pull your head out of the biker porn/girls gone
wild shit for just a sec, you would find that you are living with a person
with an awesome rack of natural tits who you could actually hump once and
awhile. What a fucking concept - you live with a size 6 who works out every
day, who spends a fortune on her hair, waxing, and fuck me shoes, AND you
could see her naked - IN THE FLESH. Maybe the alcoholic blackouts make you
forget that is an option and you think I am just a roommate that cooks and
cleans for you.
Just sign me "Titted Out"
PS - Please stop asking everyone's girlfriends when they are going to show
you their "big guns". I know you are drunk when you do it and think it is
very cute and flattering, but you are not a hot, 20 yr old frat guy. You
are a 34 yr old man with the beginnings of a beer gut, and it is unsettling,
not to mention unbecoming.
Confession #884
Honey,
I love you. Absolutely, without a doubt. Love you. Period.
Except...
I love him too. Maybe I love him more, hell I don't know ... I do know that he needs me, that I think about him every day. It's good to be needed. I know you need me, but you never make me feel that way. I'd imagine if I left you wouldn't even notice except that your laundry didn't get done and no one asked you to take out the trash. I have to admit that I wish he'd move to Maryland with us just so I could still be close to him. I know you'd do anything for me, I know you love me and want me to be happy ... I also know you don't deserve this. The most awful part about it is that I think he loves me too. But I don't know ... I'm not sure ... I could very well be blowing smoke up my own ass and I wouldn't even know it. You told me you're uncomfortable with the idea of me spending so much time with him ... You probably should be.
Sometimes (especially at the beginning of our marriage) you used to come to bed drunk and talk about how I loved him more than I love you. You told me yesterday that you thought I was happier with him than I am with you. He makes me happy in a different way than you do. I like having someone around that shares my interests and can listen to the same music, watch the same tv and go to the same movies as me. I want to have a conversation that doesn't involve killing animals. His is the laugh-out-loud-until-milk-comes-out-your-nose, good-feeling-all-day kind of happy. Yours is the feel-good-coming-home, quiet kind of happy. He makes me want to laugh and spin around in circles, you make me want to curl up on the couch at home.
Why?
Why Why Why? Damn it, why? Maybe I don't deserve you and I know that so I'm trying to sabotage us... maybe I married you because it seemed like a good idea at the time ... kind of sporadic and random which is NOT the way a marriage should start but ... there you are. God love you but you got me by pure luck, dearest. If he'd had the balls to come up to me and tell me how he felt I'd be with him. And he loves me in a different way than either of you ... what the hell am I going to do? Love you. Move away. Hide myself.
Confession #885
I’m lonely and I’m hurting. I need you and I keep reaching out to you and you just turn the TV on, can you not feel that this past year could quite possibly be leading to the demise of our marriage? I can’t keep begging you to work with me to fix it, to get back to good. I feel myself becoming resentful, I still love you so much, but I worry, because I know that it could possibly fade away. Please, please hear me. Please pay attention to my words and the silence and tears. I love you and I want us back.
Confession #886
I know that sleeping with other men won't fix the issues of power in our marriage, but it's all I can think of right now.
Confession #887
I know you don't want another child. I know you are scared that I am going to lie and stop taking my birth control. Don't lie to me and say that you don't trust the birth control. It's me you don't trust! I would never intentionally get pregnant without you being on board. If we have another night like last night it will be a damn long time before you get sex again...........if ever! I felt used. I don't appreciate it and I don't deserve it.
Confession #888
I'm in hell. I had an amazing night of passion - an affair, if you will - with a younger man and it was incredible. I thought, no big deal - I'm not attached, this isn't a person I'm having an emotional affair with - it was a one night, strictly physical. I decided, I'd really like to do it again. So recently I had what I thought was a great opportunity. I thought everything would fall nicely into place, and everything was going so well ... I made the suggestion, and after an ackward pause he told me he already had a friend staying with him that night - a pretty girl, his own age (my words, not his). I'm not ancient, by any means, but at that moment I felt every minute of my 28 years. I was so embarrassed, I felt like crawling into a hole in the floor and dying. I made a hasty, ridiculous exit, and spent most of the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, alone, smacking my forehead in disbelief at what a complete ass I could be. I am so, so stupid. I must have left my dignity back in college. And here I am getting ready to start life alone again, as we are separating ... god, I wish I knew what to do. I'm starting to feel like I don't belong in either the married world OR the single world. This whole situation just SUCKS.
Confession #889
Last night as I lay beside you listening to you breathe I felt the first wave wash over me. Today after dropping you off at the airport I drove home listening to music I haven't played since last December, and again I felt the wave. It was a wave of love, warm and wonderful and magical. It pulled me under and enveloped me in the most intense feeling of love, for you.
I haven't felt that kind of overwhelming love for you in quite some time. That's not to say I haven't been loving you, but somehow the intensity had begun to fade, and despite my missing it, I couldn't manage to bring it back. Until last night, your back to me, I reached out to stroke your shoulder and you moaned softly.
I do love you, more than words can say. I love you more than life. And I want this marriage to work, I want that more than I've ever wanted anything. But I'm still afraid of being hurt, of being betrayed. Please don't betray me, don't hurt me. Just love me.
Confession #890
I resent the fact that I am in charge of all Target trips and groceries and when we run out of money tell me "DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!" As though that is even a possibility.
I resent the fact that I am responsible for buying milk, and noticing when we are running low. I resent that fact that when I ask you to pick it up, you just plain forget 50% of the time. AND YOU WORK IN GROCERY STORES. It never even occurs to you to check. Fucking slacker.
I resent the fact that I am responsible for all grocery shopping, all of our child's supplies, clothes, shoes diapers, and when I buy those things, and an occasional extra, you treat me like I AM IRRESPONSIBLE FOR SPENDING MONEY!!!!!!! I MAKE TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU DO!!!
I resent the fact that it is ALWAYS ASSUMED that I will figure out a way to pay for your credit card, which you MAX OUT EVERY TIME I PAY IT OFF!!!!!
I resent the fact that you are supposed to pay our bills, and at the end of the month that I get a commission check, every time I plan a little extra to buy myself something, you slip in that I need to pay a bill or two and I find out you have not paid A SINGLE BILL ALL MONTH LONG!!!! ARE YOU A DRUG ADDICT? WHERE DOES YOUR FUCKING MONEY GO?
I resent the fact that I waited 3 years for a new stove, and when we finally went out to get one because I could afford to pay cash, you decided we needed a new washer and dryer, which we bought that DAY. Now I have to figure out a way to pay off $2,400.00 in 2 months!!!!!
I resent the fact that you start home improvement projects with NO WAY OF FINANCING THEM, again, saddling me with the responsibility of figuring out how to pay for it. You charge things to Home Depot and guess who figures out a way to PAY!!!! ME!!!!!!
I resent the fact that I am responsible for ALL OF THIS, and you still treat me like a CHILD who needs to be met at the door every time I stay out past 10:00 p.m. with my friends!
I resent the fact that I am supposed to be responsible for all of this, and you freak out on me if I don't lavish you with praise for cleaning the house!!!!!
I resent the fact that you require kudos for every pet project around the house you do, while I am the default person for cooking, bathing, feeding, and dressing our child each and every day, making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, all after I have worked full time each day!
I resent the fact that you take a nap every fucking day while our daughter sleeps, and you still want to talk about how tired you are because of how hard you worked on your pet projects that day. I DON'T GET PET PROJECTS BECAUSE I AM TOO BUSY WORKING, COOKING, DRESSING AND FEEDING OUR CHILD!!!!!!
I don't want to have another child because the thought of raising 2 kids plus putting up with all your shit exhausts me. I know I would lose my mind because of all your head-fucking.
I RESENT THE FACT THAT YOU IMPLY I WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS I JUST CAN'T STAND TO LISTEN TO YOUR MARTYR SCHTICK ANY MORE WHEN I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED FROM WORKING TO PAY OFF YOUR SHIT!!!
I resent the fact that you have $300 shoes and I can't even afford 2 pairs of pants for work.
I RESENT THE FACT THAT I AM BEING USED FINANCIALLY, WHILE BEING TREATED LIKE I AM IRRESPONSIBLE., WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS YOU ARE THE IRRESPONSIBLE ONE AND YOU GET OFF ON TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!!!!
I resent the fact that you blame all our problems on me, while you are the one who refuses to go to marriage counseling.
I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SHIT!!!!
Sometimes you tell me that you think I love the kids more than I love you. I would die for them, but would not do the same for you. Does that make it true?
Confession #882
I don’t care if your kids hate me. I don’t care if your family hates me. I don’t want anything more in this world than to be with you, in love with you. My entire world revolves around you. I want to be the reason that you are happy, the reason you smile. I’m tired of constantly fighting with everyone because your “kids” turn everything that I say around to make me out to be a heinous beast. If that’s what they want, I can deliver, but I don’t want to hurt you. I know that it kills you the way they act and the things that they do and I just don’t want to add to that turmoil. I want your family to get their heads out of the mud and realize that these “kids” are adults and it’s time to stop enabling your son to be a drug addict and a thief and it’s time to stop enabling your daughter to be a dead-beat mother. I love our granddaughter more than my next breath and all the things I do for your daughter are SOLELY because of my love for that baby. So what’s going to give? I never wanted things to be like this. I wanted to love those kids and help them and all I get in return is hatred and name calling…I don’t want to stoop to their level, but I’m almost to the point of living as the monster they created. What in the world did we do to deserve this? You are so sweet and mellow and loving and intelligent…I can’t believe these retarded problems came from your DNA.
I love you. I will never stop loving you. BUT my fuse is about to run out and if they think things were ugly before, well they ain’t seen nothing yet.
Confession #883
I am so tired of seeing your porn everywhere i go in this house, tired of
you and your friends opening up to your "favorite" pages and shouting
"YEAH!" or "NICE!", tired of seeing tits hanging on every wall of our
garage. I used to be in the "porn is alright" camp. It never bothered me
before if my s.o. was looking at a Playboy, some internet porn, or watching
a movie - every once in awhile. I knew it was something all men do. I
didn't realize some had to do it EVERY DAY.
Sometimes I think I should be thankful that you don't have anything truly
disgusting around, that you don't spend hours on the Internet or in a strip
club. If someone held a gun to my head and asked what would I rather see for
the rest of my life, strange boobs or unknown shaved snatch, I would
definitely pick boobs. I really wouldn't care about your current magazine
obssession if they weren't in every bathroom, our bedroom, and stacked up in
the spare room. And then the fact that you and all your friends get together
and have some kind of discussion panel about it all. Could you do that when
I'm not around?
And by the way, if you could pull your head out of the biker porn/girls gone
wild shit for just a sec, you would find that you are living with a person
with an awesome rack of natural tits who you could actually hump once and
awhile. What a fucking concept - you live with a size 6 who works out every
day, who spends a fortune on her hair, waxing, and fuck me shoes, AND you
could see her naked - IN THE FLESH. Maybe the alcoholic blackouts make you
forget that is an option and you think I am just a roommate that cooks and
cleans for you.
Just sign me "Titted Out"
PS - Please stop asking everyone's girlfriends when they are going to show
you their "big guns". I know you are drunk when you do it and think it is
very cute and flattering, but you are not a hot, 20 yr old frat guy. You
are a 34 yr old man with the beginnings of a beer gut, and it is unsettling,
not to mention unbecoming.
Confession #884
Honey,
I love you. Absolutely, without a doubt. Love you. Period.
Except...
I love him too. Maybe I love him more, hell I don't know ... I do know that he needs me, that I think about him every day. It's good to be needed. I know you need me, but you never make me feel that way. I'd imagine if I left you wouldn't even notice except that your laundry didn't get done and no one asked you to take out the trash. I have to admit that I wish he'd move to Maryland with us just so I could still be close to him. I know you'd do anything for me, I know you love me and want me to be happy ... I also know you don't deserve this. The most awful part about it is that I think he loves me too. But I don't know ... I'm not sure ... I could very well be blowing smoke up my own ass and I wouldn't even know it. You told me you're uncomfortable with the idea of me spending so much time with him ... You probably should be.
Sometimes (especially at the beginning of our marriage) you used to come to bed drunk and talk about how I loved him more than I love you. You told me yesterday that you thought I was happier with him than I am with you. He makes me happy in a different way than you do. I like having someone around that shares my interests and can listen to the same music, watch the same tv and go to the same movies as me. I want to have a conversation that doesn't involve killing animals. His is the laugh-out-loud-until-milk-comes-out-your-nose, good-feeling-all-day kind of happy. Yours is the feel-good-coming-home, quiet kind of happy. He makes me want to laugh and spin around in circles, you make me want to curl up on the couch at home.
Why?
Why Why Why? Damn it, why? Maybe I don't deserve you and I know that so I'm trying to sabotage us... maybe I married you because it seemed like a good idea at the time ... kind of sporadic and random which is NOT the way a marriage should start but ... there you are. God love you but you got me by pure luck, dearest. If he'd had the balls to come up to me and tell me how he felt I'd be with him. And he loves me in a different way than either of you ... what the hell am I going to do? Love you. Move away. Hide myself.
Confession #885
I’m lonely and I’m hurting. I need you and I keep reaching out to you and you just turn the TV on, can you not feel that this past year could quite possibly be leading to the demise of our marriage? I can’t keep begging you to work with me to fix it, to get back to good. I feel myself becoming resentful, I still love you so much, but I worry, because I know that it could possibly fade away. Please, please hear me. Please pay attention to my words and the silence and tears. I love you and I want us back.
Confession #886
I know that sleeping with other men won't fix the issues of power in our marriage, but it's all I can think of right now.
Confession #887
I know you don't want another child. I know you are scared that I am going to lie and stop taking my birth control. Don't lie to me and say that you don't trust the birth control. It's me you don't trust! I would never intentionally get pregnant without you being on board. If we have another night like last night it will be a damn long time before you get sex again...........if ever! I felt used. I don't appreciate it and I don't deserve it.
Confession #888
I'm in hell. I had an amazing night of passion - an affair, if you will - with a younger man and it was incredible. I thought, no big deal - I'm not attached, this isn't a person I'm having an emotional affair with - it was a one night, strictly physical. I decided, I'd really like to do it again. So recently I had what I thought was a great opportunity. I thought everything would fall nicely into place, and everything was going so well ... I made the suggestion, and after an ackward pause he told me he already had a friend staying with him that night - a pretty girl, his own age (my words, not his). I'm not ancient, by any means, but at that moment I felt every minute of my 28 years. I was so embarrassed, I felt like crawling into a hole in the floor and dying. I made a hasty, ridiculous exit, and spent most of the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, alone, smacking my forehead in disbelief at what a complete ass I could be. I am so, so stupid. I must have left my dignity back in college. And here I am getting ready to start life alone again, as we are separating ... god, I wish I knew what to do. I'm starting to feel like I don't belong in either the married world OR the single world. This whole situation just SUCKS.
Confession #889
Last night as I lay beside you listening to you breathe I felt the first wave wash over me. Today after dropping you off at the airport I drove home listening to music I haven't played since last December, and again I felt the wave. It was a wave of love, warm and wonderful and magical. It pulled me under and enveloped me in the most intense feeling of love, for you.
I haven't felt that kind of overwhelming love for you in quite some time. That's not to say I haven't been loving you, but somehow the intensity had begun to fade, and despite my missing it, I couldn't manage to bring it back. Until last night, your back to me, I reached out to stroke your shoulder and you moaned softly.
I do love you, more than words can say. I love you more than life. And I want this marriage to work, I want that more than I've ever wanted anything. But I'm still afraid of being hurt, of being betrayed. Please don't betray me, don't hurt me. Just love me.
Confession #890
I resent the fact that I am in charge of all Target trips and groceries and when we run out of money tell me "DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!" As though that is even a possibility.
I resent the fact that I am responsible for buying milk, and noticing when we are running low. I resent that fact that when I ask you to pick it up, you just plain forget 50% of the time. AND YOU WORK IN GROCERY STORES. It never even occurs to you to check. Fucking slacker.
I resent the fact that I am responsible for all grocery shopping, all of our child's supplies, clothes, shoes diapers, and when I buy those things, and an occasional extra, you treat me like I AM IRRESPONSIBLE FOR SPENDING MONEY!!!!!!! I MAKE TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU DO!!!
I resent the fact that it is ALWAYS ASSUMED that I will figure out a way to pay for your credit card, which you MAX OUT EVERY TIME I PAY IT OFF!!!!!
I resent the fact that you are supposed to pay our bills, and at the end of the month that I get a commission check, every time I plan a little extra to buy myself something, you slip in that I need to pay a bill or two and I find out you have not paid A SINGLE BILL ALL MONTH LONG!!!! ARE YOU A DRUG ADDICT? WHERE DOES YOUR FUCKING MONEY GO?
I resent the fact that I waited 3 years for a new stove, and when we finally went out to get one because I could afford to pay cash, you decided we needed a new washer and dryer, which we bought that DAY. Now I have to figure out a way to pay off $2,400.00 in 2 months!!!!!
I resent the fact that you start home improvement projects with NO WAY OF FINANCING THEM, again, saddling me with the responsibility of figuring out how to pay for it. You charge things to Home Depot and guess who figures out a way to PAY!!!! ME!!!!!!
I resent the fact that I am responsible for ALL OF THIS, and you still treat me like a CHILD who needs to be met at the door every time I stay out past 10:00 p.m. with my friends!
I resent the fact that I am supposed to be responsible for all of this, and you freak out on me if I don't lavish you with praise for cleaning the house!!!!!
I resent the fact that you require kudos for every pet project around the house you do, while I am the default person for cooking, bathing, feeding, and dressing our child each and every day, making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, all after I have worked full time each day!
I resent the fact that you take a nap every fucking day while our daughter sleeps, and you still want to talk about how tired you are because of how hard you worked on your pet projects that day. I DON'T GET PET PROJECTS BECAUSE I AM TOO BUSY WORKING, COOKING, DRESSING AND FEEDING OUR CHILD!!!!!!
I don't want to have another child because the thought of raising 2 kids plus putting up with all your shit exhausts me. I know I would lose my mind because of all your head-fucking.
I RESENT THE FACT THAT YOU IMPLY I WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS I JUST CAN'T STAND TO LISTEN TO YOUR MARTYR SCHTICK ANY MORE WHEN I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED FROM WORKING TO PAY OFF YOUR SHIT!!!
I resent the fact that you have $300 shoes and I can't even afford 2 pairs of pants for work.
I RESENT THE FACT THAT I AM BEING USED FINANCIALLY, WHILE BEING TREATED LIKE I AM IRRESPONSIBLE., WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS YOU ARE THE IRRESPONSIBLE ONE AND YOU GET OFF ON TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!!!!
I resent the fact that you blame all our problems on me, while you are the one who refuses to go to marriage counseling.
I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SHIT!!!!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
True Wife Confessions 87, total of fourscore and seven....
Confession #871
I know you've been avoiding me and I know you've been lying to me. I think it's hilarious that you assume I am that stupid. If you don't want to be friends anymore at least have the decency, consideration and BALLS to tell me. I've always been there for you. Don't avoid me like a coward. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Confession #872
By doing nothing now you are confirming your daughter's conviction that you are a bad father.
If you were capable of putting yourself in another's shoes, you might realise that this is likely what your own father did: Nothing. Do you honestly think he liked being the bad father? I'm sure he realised in your absence what it was he'd done to drive you away and wished he could have made some kind of reconciliation, but had no idea how to go about it and so did nothing. It may be easier to do nothing, but look at how much you regret not being able to make amends with him. You do want the same thing to happen with you and your daughter?
Confession #873
Dear Husband,
I love you in every way I can imagine. Except the most important. You don't love my child like you love me or like I love her. Having lived without companionship and love and conversation for so long, I had become accustomed to it. Then, I met you and you were those things and more and I welcomed it. I was cautious and I thought I was right. But, when I'm enjoying and loving you, in front of her and she sees you loving me right back, I feel like she knows that you don't love her, even though I see you try, and I feel like a traitor. And, I am, I suppose. I keep thinking that it'll grow on you, that it takes time, because she's not yours. And, you act like her father when you discipline and talk and explain and instruct, but that is all you do with her. She craves your attention and when you come home and take mine, she tries to get in between so that she isn't left out by you AND me and when you think she's being annoying and I tell you that she needs you, the weak attempts and insincerity almost make me not love you anymore. But, they make me hate myself for meeting the almost perfect man. And, I am going to leave you, because I love her more than I love having you in my life. But, I've never loved anyone like you. And, I keep waiting to hate you for something, to make it easier to leave. And, I hate myself for not leaving and for not thinking that your non-existent relationship with my daughter isn't a good enough reason to leave. And, I am angry, because up until we committed to each other, you were a great Dad. And, I am angry, because I let her call you Dad, when she was just fine having a single Mom and now she feels left out of a whole family. I love you. Oh well. Now she'll be a product of a broken home, instead of the one she started with, which was perfect before you came into our lives with all your promises and idealistic dreams masked as truth and love for the both of us. You are worse than her biological father. He didn't pretend to be here, he just wasn't. She's growing up feeling excluded, like an aggravation and that is not good enough. You should not be my husband. You should not be my father's daughter.
Confession #874
Hubby,
I need to quit my job. If you don't understand why, then I will put
it in terms that you can understand: my boss wants to have sex with
me and given the huge amount of time that I spend at the office, I
feel more and more of a pull towards an infidelity that I do not want
or need.
I am scared ... so very scared of what may happen next. I don't even
want to go to the office tomorrow. I want to hop in the car and drive
somewhere, ANYWHERE else but there. There is just so much dysfunction
(you know it's bad when the HR director is the one engaging in
near-blatant sexual harassment) and I just don't know what to do next.
Please believe me when I say that I love you. Please also believe me
when I say that I need to get OUT of that environment!!!
I do love you. I'll be strong, but if things go too far, I'm giving
my notice. The benefits don't make up for the insanity.
Your adoring wife
Confession #875
So we are still under the same roof - we've decided to try. What I don't know how to tell you is that the last thing in the entire world I feel like doing right now is trying. Getting "advice" from our friends and family is driving me into a state of absolute anger and frustration, and I never want to come home to this place at night. I'm SO sick of talking, that every time you start, I want to scream. I don't know how I'll ever get in the right frame of mind to make this work. I'm frustrated and I'm mad at you simply for being you - and you are great. But not for me. Not right now. And yes, I will probably pay for it later when I'm desperately lonely and you've moved on and have the family you've always wanted. But I think I deserve to to be lonely. I've done quite wrong by you, and I would like this to end, so I can go gallivanting about, sleeping with strangers and living my life alone. Sorry. I feel like if we go to counseling, I'll be going through the motions while picturing the amazing sex I had recently that you will never know anything about.
Confession #876
I love you. You are a wonderful husband and a great provider, but today I wanted to ask you if you were crazy and/or stupid.
You have a good chance at getting a job three hours away that will give you a raise that would be the same as me working, but I would get to still be a stay at home mom. My staying home was something that I thought we both wanted. Yes, I know it would mean moving and that idea scares me as much as it does you. However, being afraid of moving is NO reason to turn the job down when your current company offers to change your status from contract employee to permanent employee and give you only five grand a year more. Five grand is duck sh*t compared to what the other company is offering!
What blows my mind is that you are seriously considering it!
I hope you know that I would never leave you over something as piddly as money; I love you too much. However, if you turn down this opportunity without some serious consideration, I am pretty sure that you will live in hell for a few weeks. Just consider this forewarning.
Confession #877
I can't stop fantasizing about a man I almost dated before my husband and I
reunited after a breakup. My husband is an awesome father, the love and
heart of my life and a really lousy lay. He just doesn't get it no matter
how much I try to give him help, guidance, etc. I am so frustrated that I'm
going to spend the rest of my life not having wall slamming, awesome sex.
Most of the time it just feels like mutual masturbation versus lust.
Confession #878
I have to confess -- I am no longer attracted to you. You've gained about 40 pounds during the past year or two, and that huge beer belly has no appeal whatsoever. Your hair has turned completely grey, and while I can take it on your head, grey chest hair is totally disgusting. And those teeth? Geez -- they're about as yellow as any I've ever seen. With that white mustache right on top of them, they look even worse. All that coffee, smoking, and red wine has taken its toll. So every time I look at you, I see flab, white hair, and yellow teeth. Yuck. I'm no longer interested in getting anywhere near you.
Confession #879
I really wish i could leave you. i am so sick and tired of your constant whining and complaining. you are the most negative person i know. i hate you more every day i stay. i hate dealing with your mother, who you get it from. you treat everyone like crap, then bitch when someone treats you that way.
you wonder why our son wanted to kill himself, you are the reason for his rotten self worth.
i wish you would just die.
i am also really sick and tired of you nagging about sex. i have a full time job, two kids, and you to clean up after. i am not in the mood for sex the minute you touch my breasts.
BEAT IT BOZO.
Confession #880
I have always said that actions speak louder then words. I hope my actions show you everyday, how much I truly care for you, and how much I want you to be happy and satisfied. I love you with my whole heart but unfortunately I never realized how much I care about you until after I had a one night stand with someone else. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Everytime you treat me with anything less then respect I feel like I deserve it because I slept with someone else. You don't know I did it and I want to tell you but I don't want to lose you. I know you would never understand that it was the biggest mistake of my life and Iw ould never do anything to hurt you again. I am not going to tell you, I am going to show you every single day how much I love you. Please forgive me for being so awful.
I know you've been avoiding me and I know you've been lying to me. I think it's hilarious that you assume I am that stupid. If you don't want to be friends anymore at least have the decency, consideration and BALLS to tell me. I've always been there for you. Don't avoid me like a coward. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Confession #872
By doing nothing now you are confirming your daughter's conviction that you are a bad father.
If you were capable of putting yourself in another's shoes, you might realise that this is likely what your own father did: Nothing. Do you honestly think he liked being the bad father? I'm sure he realised in your absence what it was he'd done to drive you away and wished he could have made some kind of reconciliation, but had no idea how to go about it and so did nothing. It may be easier to do nothing, but look at how much you regret not being able to make amends with him. You do want the same thing to happen with you and your daughter?
Confession #873
Dear Husband,
I love you in every way I can imagine. Except the most important. You don't love my child like you love me or like I love her. Having lived without companionship and love and conversation for so long, I had become accustomed to it. Then, I met you and you were those things and more and I welcomed it. I was cautious and I thought I was right. But, when I'm enjoying and loving you, in front of her and she sees you loving me right back, I feel like she knows that you don't love her, even though I see you try, and I feel like a traitor. And, I am, I suppose. I keep thinking that it'll grow on you, that it takes time, because she's not yours. And, you act like her father when you discipline and talk and explain and instruct, but that is all you do with her. She craves your attention and when you come home and take mine, she tries to get in between so that she isn't left out by you AND me and when you think she's being annoying and I tell you that she needs you, the weak attempts and insincerity almost make me not love you anymore. But, they make me hate myself for meeting the almost perfect man. And, I am going to leave you, because I love her more than I love having you in my life. But, I've never loved anyone like you. And, I keep waiting to hate you for something, to make it easier to leave. And, I hate myself for not leaving and for not thinking that your non-existent relationship with my daughter isn't a good enough reason to leave. And, I am angry, because up until we committed to each other, you were a great Dad. And, I am angry, because I let her call you Dad, when she was just fine having a single Mom and now she feels left out of a whole family. I love you. Oh well. Now she'll be a product of a broken home, instead of the one she started with, which was perfect before you came into our lives with all your promises and idealistic dreams masked as truth and love for the both of us. You are worse than her biological father. He didn't pretend to be here, he just wasn't. She's growing up feeling excluded, like an aggravation and that is not good enough. You should not be my husband. You should not be my father's daughter.
Confession #874
Hubby,
I need to quit my job. If you don't understand why, then I will put
it in terms that you can understand: my boss wants to have sex with
me and given the huge amount of time that I spend at the office, I
feel more and more of a pull towards an infidelity that I do not want
or need.
I am scared ... so very scared of what may happen next. I don't even
want to go to the office tomorrow. I want to hop in the car and drive
somewhere, ANYWHERE else but there. There is just so much dysfunction
(you know it's bad when the HR director is the one engaging in
near-blatant sexual harassment) and I just don't know what to do next.
Please believe me when I say that I love you. Please also believe me
when I say that I need to get OUT of that environment!!!
I do love you. I'll be strong, but if things go too far, I'm giving
my notice. The benefits don't make up for the insanity.
Your adoring wife
Confession #875
So we are still under the same roof - we've decided to try. What I don't know how to tell you is that the last thing in the entire world I feel like doing right now is trying. Getting "advice" from our friends and family is driving me into a state of absolute anger and frustration, and I never want to come home to this place at night. I'm SO sick of talking, that every time you start, I want to scream. I don't know how I'll ever get in the right frame of mind to make this work. I'm frustrated and I'm mad at you simply for being you - and you are great. But not for me. Not right now. And yes, I will probably pay for it later when I'm desperately lonely and you've moved on and have the family you've always wanted. But I think I deserve to to be lonely. I've done quite wrong by you, and I would like this to end, so I can go gallivanting about, sleeping with strangers and living my life alone. Sorry. I feel like if we go to counseling, I'll be going through the motions while picturing the amazing sex I had recently that you will never know anything about.
Confession #876
I love you. You are a wonderful husband and a great provider, but today I wanted to ask you if you were crazy and/or stupid.
You have a good chance at getting a job three hours away that will give you a raise that would be the same as me working, but I would get to still be a stay at home mom. My staying home was something that I thought we both wanted. Yes, I know it would mean moving and that idea scares me as much as it does you. However, being afraid of moving is NO reason to turn the job down when your current company offers to change your status from contract employee to permanent employee and give you only five grand a year more. Five grand is duck sh*t compared to what the other company is offering!
What blows my mind is that you are seriously considering it!
I hope you know that I would never leave you over something as piddly as money; I love you too much. However, if you turn down this opportunity without some serious consideration, I am pretty sure that you will live in hell for a few weeks. Just consider this forewarning.
Confession #877
I can't stop fantasizing about a man I almost dated before my husband and I
reunited after a breakup. My husband is an awesome father, the love and
heart of my life and a really lousy lay. He just doesn't get it no matter
how much I try to give him help, guidance, etc. I am so frustrated that I'm
going to spend the rest of my life not having wall slamming, awesome sex.
Most of the time it just feels like mutual masturbation versus lust.
Confession #878
I have to confess -- I am no longer attracted to you. You've gained about 40 pounds during the past year or two, and that huge beer belly has no appeal whatsoever. Your hair has turned completely grey, and while I can take it on your head, grey chest hair is totally disgusting. And those teeth? Geez -- they're about as yellow as any I've ever seen. With that white mustache right on top of them, they look even worse. All that coffee, smoking, and red wine has taken its toll. So every time I look at you, I see flab, white hair, and yellow teeth. Yuck. I'm no longer interested in getting anywhere near you.
Confession #879
I really wish i could leave you. i am so sick and tired of your constant whining and complaining. you are the most negative person i know. i hate you more every day i stay. i hate dealing with your mother, who you get it from. you treat everyone like crap, then bitch when someone treats you that way.
you wonder why our son wanted to kill himself, you are the reason for his rotten self worth.
i wish you would just die.
i am also really sick and tired of you nagging about sex. i have a full time job, two kids, and you to clean up after. i am not in the mood for sex the minute you touch my breasts.
BEAT IT BOZO.
Confession #880
I have always said that actions speak louder then words. I hope my actions show you everyday, how much I truly care for you, and how much I want you to be happy and satisfied. I love you with my whole heart but unfortunately I never realized how much I care about you until after I had a one night stand with someone else. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Everytime you treat me with anything less then respect I feel like I deserve it because I slept with someone else. You don't know I did it and I want to tell you but I don't want to lose you. I know you would never understand that it was the biggest mistake of my life and Iw ould never do anything to hurt you again. I am not going to tell you, I am going to show you every single day how much I love you. Please forgive me for being so awful.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
True Wife Confessions Agent 86
Confession #851
Your tightwad tendencies piss me off more than you will ever know. I know that we're not wealthy and that we can't just throw money away. But it would not kill you to let me spend a little money on myself once in a while without following up with the goddamn riot act. You act like I'm demanding that you cut off your testicle!
Confession #852
I'm glad you're not as blatant about looking at porn on our computer as you used to be. But you're still looking and lying to me about it. I'm not stupid. When I look over there and you close the window you're looking at real fast, I know you're doing something that you know I wouldn't like. I know how to go behind you and see what you're doing, and you still do it. God, you're either a total idiot or you just don't give a damn.
Everybody tells me that all men look at porn. "Men are all about the visual." I believe it, and in theory, I have no problem with it. But when it's you, it just makes me feel even less desirable than I already do. I wouldn't have a problem looking at it with you. But you just have to sneak around, and it makes me feel like you'd rather look at anybody but me and don't want me intruding on it. It makes me feel unloved and unsexy.
I know I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing. I know the antidepressant made me uninterested in sex for way too long. I think I probably gained all this weight just so you would leave me alone. I've changed medications and the feelings are starting to come back, but you don't even try to touch me anymore after getting shot down for so long. I'm scared that I've ruined that part of our relationship for good. And you looking at other girls who look like I never will doesn't help.
You're such a good man, and you've put up with a lot from me. I don't feel like I can ask you for anything else. But I will--please, please, if you're going to look at it, keep it hidden. In this case, ignorance is bliss.
Confession #853
I am sorry for what I am about to do. This past year has been so extremely isolating for me and I resent the fact that i didn't do much about it. He makes me feel like I am carefree for the first time in a long time. I feel like anything is possible with him. He makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel hungry. And I know he is hungry for me. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. He makes me feel like I am a woman not just someone's mom. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I cannot stop this from happening because I want it so much...
Confession #854
So how do i make you leave your girlfriend???
Confession #855
I did it. I knew I was going to. I had amazing sex, all night, with a very good friend. In all honesty, I can't wait to do it again
Confession #856
You know we have a diaper pail for a reason
Considering how small this apartment is you think you could use it
I realize you are on strike against using the changing table therefore you'd have to walk 10 feet into his room to throw it away.
Honestly though? I'm going to vomit if you keep throwing our son's nasty diapers in the regular garbage. You know. The garbage you only take out every week or so or until i break down
You know I'd do it if I could. But pregnant, a small child, and health issues restrict me
So you take your sweet time on taking out the trash but for heaven's sake please. Let the rotting diapers rot somewhere that I don't have to smell them. It's hard enough to get an appetite lately but with the rotting shit trash while I try to cook? I've thrown up in my mouth for the last time.
Confession #857
You have made me so crazy these days that I can't even speak without yelling. YOU did this, not me. YOU are a fucking loser, not me. Quit asking the same questions over and over -- it's just confirming that you're an idiot. If you haven't figured "it" out by now, you're never going to figure it out. Grow up and for god's sake get a clue! You've got one thing right: I'm definitely no longer in love with you. Thanks for the assistance with that!
Confession #858
I love you, dear husband. I really do. With all my heart and soul and all that other crap.
But I check your cell phone every single day. I check incoming calls and I check outgoing calls.
Not because I’m afraid there is someone else. I’m not afraid of that at all. I’m afraid someone in your stupid family will call you and make you miserable and upset and I won’t know why you are so unhappy.
I love you. They don’t deserve someone as good and kind as you.
Confession #859
Baby, don't give up your dreams for me, or the kids, or the money. I'll miss you while you're gone, but I'd rather have you gone than sad. So go for it! We can make it work! I'll always be here when you get back home.
Confession #860
I hate your ex-wife, I hate her so much I let it consume me and it makes me want to leave you. I will never understand how she can be so evil and mean, how she can say and do all the awful things she does. Why does she get all the power? I hate myself for letting her get to me and sometimes part of me hates you for having been married to her.
Your tightwad tendencies piss me off more than you will ever know. I know that we're not wealthy and that we can't just throw money away. But it would not kill you to let me spend a little money on myself once in a while without following up with the goddamn riot act. You act like I'm demanding that you cut off your testicle!
Confession #852
I'm glad you're not as blatant about looking at porn on our computer as you used to be. But you're still looking and lying to me about it. I'm not stupid. When I look over there and you close the window you're looking at real fast, I know you're doing something that you know I wouldn't like. I know how to go behind you and see what you're doing, and you still do it. God, you're either a total idiot or you just don't give a damn.
Everybody tells me that all men look at porn. "Men are all about the visual." I believe it, and in theory, I have no problem with it. But when it's you, it just makes me feel even less desirable than I already do. I wouldn't have a problem looking at it with you. But you just have to sneak around, and it makes me feel like you'd rather look at anybody but me and don't want me intruding on it. It makes me feel unloved and unsexy.
I know I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing. I know the antidepressant made me uninterested in sex for way too long. I think I probably gained all this weight just so you would leave me alone. I've changed medications and the feelings are starting to come back, but you don't even try to touch me anymore after getting shot down for so long. I'm scared that I've ruined that part of our relationship for good. And you looking at other girls who look like I never will doesn't help.
You're such a good man, and you've put up with a lot from me. I don't feel like I can ask you for anything else. But I will--please, please, if you're going to look at it, keep it hidden. In this case, ignorance is bliss.
Confession #853
I am sorry for what I am about to do. This past year has been so extremely isolating for me and I resent the fact that i didn't do much about it. He makes me feel like I am carefree for the first time in a long time. I feel like anything is possible with him. He makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel hungry. And I know he is hungry for me. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. He makes me feel like I am a woman not just someone's mom. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I cannot stop this from happening because I want it so much...
Confession #854
So how do i make you leave your girlfriend???
Confession #855
I did it. I knew I was going to. I had amazing sex, all night, with a very good friend. In all honesty, I can't wait to do it again
Confession #856
You know we have a diaper pail for a reason
Considering how small this apartment is you think you could use it
I realize you are on strike against using the changing table therefore you'd have to walk 10 feet into his room to throw it away.
Honestly though? I'm going to vomit if you keep throwing our son's nasty diapers in the regular garbage. You know. The garbage you only take out every week or so or until i break down
You know I'd do it if I could. But pregnant, a small child, and health issues restrict me
So you take your sweet time on taking out the trash but for heaven's sake please. Let the rotting diapers rot somewhere that I don't have to smell them. It's hard enough to get an appetite lately but with the rotting shit trash while I try to cook? I've thrown up in my mouth for the last time.
Confession #857
You have made me so crazy these days that I can't even speak without yelling. YOU did this, not me. YOU are a fucking loser, not me. Quit asking the same questions over and over -- it's just confirming that you're an idiot. If you haven't figured "it" out by now, you're never going to figure it out. Grow up and for god's sake get a clue! You've got one thing right: I'm definitely no longer in love with you. Thanks for the assistance with that!
Confession #858
I love you, dear husband. I really do. With all my heart and soul and all that other crap.
But I check your cell phone every single day. I check incoming calls and I check outgoing calls.
Not because I’m afraid there is someone else. I’m not afraid of that at all. I’m afraid someone in your stupid family will call you and make you miserable and upset and I won’t know why you are so unhappy.
I love you. They don’t deserve someone as good and kind as you.
Confession #859
Baby, don't give up your dreams for me, or the kids, or the money. I'll miss you while you're gone, but I'd rather have you gone than sad. So go for it! We can make it work! I'll always be here when you get back home.
Confession #860
I hate your ex-wife, I hate her so much I let it consume me and it makes me want to leave you. I will never understand how she can be so evil and mean, how she can say and do all the awful things she does. Why does she get all the power? I hate myself for letting her get to me and sometimes part of me hates you for having been married to her.
Monday, October 02, 2006
True Wife Confessions 85 tools on the Giant Swiss Army knife
Confession #841
You tell me you love me.
And I KNOW you do.
And I love you too.
We have a daughter together and a life together and so many memories past, present, and future.
There's just one problem.
I want a freaking engagement ring. A big one that sparkles like a star. And a proposal to go with it.
So hurry up, okay? Cause I'm not waiting forever.
Confession #842
I know that I'm overweight but, it doesn't help that you pinch my stomach
and ask me what we're going to name the baby and you know good and fucking
well that I'm not pregnant. And you wonder why we only have sex once a
month. Get a clue dick head.
Confession #843
I wish we never got married. I’ve had affairs with 3 people in the 6 years we’ve been married. One of them lasted over 3 years. I am not attracted to you and I hate giving you a blow job because I get pubes in my mouth and there’s a bump on your penis. Sex is awful because you just hump forever without taking any interest in how I like it. You put me down a lot, and you do it with a smile on your face, thinking it’s funny. You know full well it hurts my feelings but you still think it’s funny and than you get mad when I’m angry at you. DUH! Some days I can’t stand to look at you and I can’t wait for the kids to grow up so I can leave you. You lack conversation, sensitivity and you are selfish and unsupportive. I don’t feel loved and I am constantly lonely. In all the years we’ve been together, my constant attempts to get these things across to you have fallen on deaf and defensive ears. I think you don’t love me, because if you did you would want to help fix us. Ya, there’s a few good days here and there, but my smile is all a mask to cover the intense loneliness and sadness I feel.
Confession #844
I know I'm supposed to be proud that you're over in Iraq fighting for our
country but, your son is growing and learning tons of things everyday and
you're missing it all.
Confession #845
To my Brand New Husband:
I love you more than you will ever know. I know that I don't deserve your
love and care. I wish I could be a better wife to you, and I try, I really
do. I love that we're expecting our first child, and that you're
practically giddy about it. I love that you take me to all my doctor's
appointments, and watch the baby I take care of while we're there. I love
that you make me chocolate milk when I'm cranky, and being me ice cream
without me haveing to ask. I love that you have taken complete
responsibility for the dog that I had to have before we found out about the
baby, I love that you haven't once reminded that she is my dog. I love
everything about you. I love you so much, and I can't get enough of you. I
hope you feel the same way.
Thanks TWC. . .you're amazing!
Confession #846
I hate dealing with your anger.
I hate it when you come home ranting about how much you hate your job and how stupid your co-workers are. I feel like you're yelling AT me.
When I try to commiserate and offer suggestions, you snarl and get sarcastic and tell me all the ways my suggestion won't work, all the while implying that I'm stupid.
When I say nothing, you snarl and demand to know why I'm being silent.
When I try to touch you or hug you, you push me away and tell me you can't deal with that right now. So what the fuck am I supposed to do??!
You usually apologize to me later, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of dealing with this. STOP TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME, YOU PRICK! What you're doing is abusive, and I won't take much more of it!
Confession #847
I had an abortion 18 yrs ago. I never told you.
I think about that baby every day. My heart breaks over what I did. I don't deserve to live.
This is what all the therapy and medications are for. Not for OCD. (another lie....)I made a flippant choice, and I carry it heavy in my heart for the rest of my life.
I'm really sorry.
One day, I hope I can forgive myself.
Confession #848
I honestly don’t think that we are going to make it. I think that last
night was probably the worst fight that we have ever had. We fight all the
time. I’m pretty sure that you don’t love me anymore. I still love you but
I hate how angry I am all the time. If this thing we’re calling a marriage
ends it’ll be both our faults. I get frustrated too easily and scream at
you even though I know that you hate it; I can’t help it. I don’t know how
>to get you to listen. I tell you what I need over and over again but you
just don’t listen, or you don’t remember and I get hurt and frustrated and
angry and start screaming and that isn’t working either. Today I looked
into how much an apartment would run me if I left you. I hope we can work
things out because I love you so much but I can’t handle this much longer
Confession #849
I wear your shirt and sleep on your side of the bed when you're on
deployments just so the pain won't hurt so much when you're gone.
Confession #850
We waited for years to end up together, you and I. Through all our
separate relationships we managed to maintain a wonderful relationship
and always, in the back of my mind, and yours too, there was the
thought that we could end up together.
Well, it happened. You left your girlfriend, I was still single, and we
ended up seeing eachother. Everything was wonderful. We were even
better as a couple than we had been as friends. But after a few weeks,
she came crying and you took her back. It broke my heart, but I knew I
couldn't compete with the time you spent together and the security she
provided. You stopped talking to me completely. I was devastated. It
felt like everything you had told me for MONTHS had been a complete lie.
I'm pregnant. With your baby. I'm only a month in and I've got to make
a choice. You told me to keep it. You said you don't agree with
abortion and would never pass on the chance to bring a baby into this
world. But you can't support a child, and neither can I. I'm still in
school. I haven't finished my degree and I barely make enough to pay my
own bills, nevermind raise a baby. I don't want to do this, but I'm
having an abortion. It goes against everything I believe, EVERYTHING,
but I can't bring a baby into the world knowing what kind of life it
would have. You left me once, you'll leave me again.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the life I'm preventing. I'm sorry for the
pain I'll always feel and the regrets I will carry for the rest of my
life.
You tell me you love me.
And I KNOW you do.
And I love you too.
We have a daughter together and a life together and so many memories past, present, and future.
There's just one problem.
I want a freaking engagement ring. A big one that sparkles like a star. And a proposal to go with it.
So hurry up, okay? Cause I'm not waiting forever.
Confession #842
I know that I'm overweight but, it doesn't help that you pinch my stomach
and ask me what we're going to name the baby and you know good and fucking
well that I'm not pregnant. And you wonder why we only have sex once a
month. Get a clue dick head.
Confession #843
I wish we never got married. I’ve had affairs with 3 people in the 6 years we’ve been married. One of them lasted over 3 years. I am not attracted to you and I hate giving you a blow job because I get pubes in my mouth and there’s a bump on your penis. Sex is awful because you just hump forever without taking any interest in how I like it. You put me down a lot, and you do it with a smile on your face, thinking it’s funny. You know full well it hurts my feelings but you still think it’s funny and than you get mad when I’m angry at you. DUH! Some days I can’t stand to look at you and I can’t wait for the kids to grow up so I can leave you. You lack conversation, sensitivity and you are selfish and unsupportive. I don’t feel loved and I am constantly lonely. In all the years we’ve been together, my constant attempts to get these things across to you have fallen on deaf and defensive ears. I think you don’t love me, because if you did you would want to help fix us. Ya, there’s a few good days here and there, but my smile is all a mask to cover the intense loneliness and sadness I feel.
Confession #844
I know I'm supposed to be proud that you're over in Iraq fighting for our
country but, your son is growing and learning tons of things everyday and
you're missing it all.
Confession #845
To my Brand New Husband:
I love you more than you will ever know. I know that I don't deserve your
love and care. I wish I could be a better wife to you, and I try, I really
do. I love that we're expecting our first child, and that you're
practically giddy about it. I love that you take me to all my doctor's
appointments, and watch the baby I take care of while we're there. I love
that you make me chocolate milk when I'm cranky, and being me ice cream
without me haveing to ask. I love that you have taken complete
responsibility for the dog that I had to have before we found out about the
baby, I love that you haven't once reminded that she is my dog. I love
everything about you. I love you so much, and I can't get enough of you. I
hope you feel the same way.
Thanks TWC. . .you're amazing!
Confession #846
I hate dealing with your anger.
I hate it when you come home ranting about how much you hate your job and how stupid your co-workers are. I feel like you're yelling AT me.
When I try to commiserate and offer suggestions, you snarl and get sarcastic and tell me all the ways my suggestion won't work, all the while implying that I'm stupid.
When I say nothing, you snarl and demand to know why I'm being silent.
When I try to touch you or hug you, you push me away and tell me you can't deal with that right now. So what the fuck am I supposed to do??!
You usually apologize to me later, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of dealing with this. STOP TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME, YOU PRICK! What you're doing is abusive, and I won't take much more of it!
Confession #847
I had an abortion 18 yrs ago. I never told you.
I think about that baby every day. My heart breaks over what I did. I don't deserve to live.
This is what all the therapy and medications are for. Not for OCD. (another lie....)I made a flippant choice, and I carry it heavy in my heart for the rest of my life.
I'm really sorry.
One day, I hope I can forgive myself.
Confession #848
I honestly don’t think that we are going to make it. I think that last
night was probably the worst fight that we have ever had. We fight all the
time. I’m pretty sure that you don’t love me anymore. I still love you but
I hate how angry I am all the time. If this thing we’re calling a marriage
ends it’ll be both our faults. I get frustrated too easily and scream at
you even though I know that you hate it; I can’t help it. I don’t know how
>to get you to listen. I tell you what I need over and over again but you
just don’t listen, or you don’t remember and I get hurt and frustrated and
angry and start screaming and that isn’t working either. Today I looked
into how much an apartment would run me if I left you. I hope we can work
things out because I love you so much but I can’t handle this much longer
Confession #849
I wear your shirt and sleep on your side of the bed when you're on
deployments just so the pain won't hurt so much when you're gone.
Confession #850
We waited for years to end up together, you and I. Through all our
separate relationships we managed to maintain a wonderful relationship
and always, in the back of my mind, and yours too, there was the
thought that we could end up together.
Well, it happened. You left your girlfriend, I was still single, and we
ended up seeing eachother. Everything was wonderful. We were even
better as a couple than we had been as friends. But after a few weeks,
she came crying and you took her back. It broke my heart, but I knew I
couldn't compete with the time you spent together and the security she
provided. You stopped talking to me completely. I was devastated. It
felt like everything you had told me for MONTHS had been a complete lie.
I'm pregnant. With your baby. I'm only a month in and I've got to make
a choice. You told me to keep it. You said you don't agree with
abortion and would never pass on the chance to bring a baby into this
world. But you can't support a child, and neither can I. I'm still in
school. I haven't finished my degree and I barely make enough to pay my
own bills, nevermind raise a baby. I don't want to do this, but I'm
having an abortion. It goes against everything I believe, EVERYTHING,
but I can't bring a baby into the world knowing what kind of life it
would have. You left me once, you'll leave me again.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the life I'm preventing. I'm sorry for the
pain I'll always feel and the regrets I will carry for the rest of my
life.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
True Wife Confessions 84 -International direct dial to Vietnam
Confession #831
I know neither of us want to have kids. I don't like
the thought of being pregnant or giving birth, and I
don't know how I would do with the daily grind of
raising children. But sometimes when I think of the
possibility that you might die before me, I want to
change my mind because then at least I would still
have part of you with me in the form of a child.
I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to
love someone. I know we occasionally irritate each
other, and I know you sometimes get annoyed when I
want to hang out with you all the time and you just
want to watch sports with your friends. I don't want
to be morbid, but I know that if you were to die I
would give absolutely anything just to spend one more
hour with you and I want to take full advantage of all
the time we've got. I might regret wasting time doing
other stuff but I would never regret spending more time
with you. You are my best friend and my other half
and I hope we have 80 more years together.
Confession #832
I need you to know that I love you with all me heart. I am so afraid that I
will wake up some morning and you will be gone. No not to another woman, but
gone from this earth.
You know what kind of basket case I was after my mom passed away. Her
leaving so suddenly just ripped me open.
Thinking of facing each day without by my side terrifies me.
For the past 24 years you have been my strength. You have been the best
father, step-father and now grandfather.
You have ridden this roller coaster with me and it hasn't be such a bad
ride. But now that we are getting older and talk so much about retiring I
fear that before that day comes something will happen to shatter our plans.
Forgive me for being a worry wart. But you see without that shinning face
of yours, and the gentle touch that you have and the way that you know that
my day just hasn't been quite right I would be a mess.
And what about all of these children?? I know all but 3 are grown and some
are parents now too, but what would they do without you to lean on, to share
with? You the only Mets fan in the bunch. Who would they have to tease about
that?
Please know in my heart you always will be. Jesus brought us together for a
reason and I will never question Him, I will only praise Him and thank Him
for He knew what I needed before I did.
I thank you for everything. No matter how tight money is you always make
sure the kids have what they need. Thank you for keeping me centered and
helping me to put the past behind me and reminding me that not any of it was
my fault.
I send you tender kisses and gentle hugs everyday until you go home to be
with our Lord.
Confession #833
4 and a half years ago, after failing miserably to flirt with you, and then having to almost beg you for sex; you said you'd come through to the bedroom in a minute, and proceeded to keep me waiting 15 minutes.
Then you switched on the bedroom TV and watched football as you undressed. You never looked at me once. Your eyes were glued to the screen. It took you at least 5 minutes to undress, because you were so riveted to the TV. It wasn't even 'your team'. If it had been 'your team' , I would have known not to even bother trying. It was just 'some team from another league'.. not an important game, just a game. I was really annoyed that you were so glued to it when it meant nothing to you. It must have meant that making love with your wife meant even less than nothing.
The sex was average. Bog-standard. Quick and painless. Mechanical. I cant even remember now whether or not i had an orgasm, but i probably didn't.
As we lay there afterward, you watching the football ( you at least had the decency to switch it over to music videos while we were doing it, but then switched it back to the football once we'd finished), I calmly and quietly and with no trace of anger in my voice, said to you, 'Next time, it's your turn to initiate sex. I'm tired of being the one who always initiates it.' I think you said 'ok', but i cant really remember now.
But that time, 4 and a half years ago, was the last time we had sex. Because if i don't initiate it, it apparently doesn't happen.
The first 2 years, after that last time, were tough. I was gagging for it... I'd have jumped on you in a heartbeat if you'd asked me. But i was sticking to my guns. I wanted to see how long it would take you to turn things around... to be a man. And it didn't happen. Gradually, i started getting used to not having sex, and now i don't miss it at all. Now i live in fear that one day you are going to want it. And I don't want it ... not at all.
Confession #834
I like pretending that our big, underlying problems will go away: your anxiety, my attempting eating disorder recovery with you around, the drinking that assuages your anxiety, the anger that's sparked by your drinking, the eating disorder relapses that are sparked by your drinking. I keep telling myself, "We're young. I'll get over being so sensitive when he's anxious about 'bad' food or some big deal at work. He'll get over when other guys talk to me and how he drinks a bottle of wine a night, and slurs his words, and falls asleep before 8:30."
I know I'm a dirty liar. I know I've either got to get you to deal with all this stuff WITH me, or that we're headed for that 50/50 path to divorce.
We're not even going to be married for eleven months yet.
Confession #835
I'm actually glad I found your profile on that nasty website. Now I have a good, concrete reason to leave your sorry ass and never look back. And you're right, I'm not in love with you anymore. You have managed to kill any good feelings I had for you, and instead of being a man and telling me you wanted "passion" and to have those "feelings" (for somebody else) you had to take the cowardly way out. Again. So I'm going to have the balls that you never did, and end this nightmare once and for all.
Confession #836
I love you more than life itself BUT please don't talk to me while I'm sitting on the toilet. We've been married for more than a decade and we've always had a closed door policy. It's bad enough that the kids walk in on me with wild abandon. Don't you start doing it too. It's nice that you want to talk to me and all but please, just give me a minute. Or 5.
Confession #837
Yes, we're anonymous. And we only write because we're sure we'll stay that way.
Were it not so, would I say how much I've come to dread sex with my husband, whom I love but who makes me feel like nothing more than a hole in the mattress?
Confession #838
I need to say this.....when I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares about my childhood, about how I was molested, and I just needed to talk about it, I felt so messed up inside, so hurt and wounded.....you wouldn't take no for an answer. You took off my clothes while I struggled, you did your thing while i lay sobbing, saying no, you got off and said I'm sorry....you raped me. At one of my lowest possible moments you did that to me. You shattered all the sense of safety and security I had left, the safety I thought I had now in my adult life, now that the rest was the past. You made me empty inside. And I stayed for 3 more years and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not being able to protect myself as an adult, I hate myself for thinking so little of myself that I would accept that. I hate you for the hell you put me through in those last 3 years, when I would freeze up during sex, and never want to be with you like that. I used to have panic attacks just praying you would hurry up. And all you could think about was yourself and you treated me like nothing, like i was worthless for not being able to satisfy you. I feel ruined and I hate you. I just needed you to love and support me thru a terrible time, and thats what you did to me. I thank God you will never have the opportunity to touch me again.
Confession #839
to my dearly beloved:
i suppose it would bother you to call me once in a while. (me talkin' selfish)
i stayed home sick from work today. im not feeling well. (and that's true)
i miss my husband and im FUCKING sick of it. (that doesn't even do it justice)
i love you and i cant even tell you. (i want to tell you)
why did it come to this anyway? (the age-old question)
lets examine the situation (hmmmmmmmm....)
i fell in love with you; and you with me (6 years ago)
we got married and had a wonderful --though challenging--time (but worth it)
but marriage was and is the best thing weve ever experienced (seriously)
and yet we decided to put it on the line (why? why? why?)
and test it one more time ( 1 )
the hardest time of all (hard)
and were hanging in there and being strong (we are, i am, are you?)
but were learning a lesson weve already learned (3 times over)
we already knew we love eachother (i always knew)
we already knew we are faithful (i swear i am)
we definitely already knew nothing can break us apart (nothing ever has)
so why are we going through this again? (?)
well i hate it because being away from you is like a prison sentence
not even lethal injection would be worse
when you get home my life will resume from being on pause
and if you still love me ill be the most blessed person on earth
(and quite possibly mars)
(oh, did you hear that Pluto is no longer considered a planet? i swear on us that's true. they demoted it recently and now there are only 8 planets i swear on us)
ok i love you
Stay safe out there and come home soon. Only 8 more months Sergeant!
Confession #840
If you could just PRETEND to take an interest in the wedding planning, it would make me feel so special. I have given up so much for you: My acting, my writing, my independent career. I went to work with you because I'm too spineless to stand up to you and admit that we may have different lifestyle ideals (even though I'm not really sure what mine are at all, or if they're different from yours). Can you please see that I like organizing and planning things, and that our wedding is a hugely important thing to me, and that I need you to act like you think it's important too? Please, please see that. Please see that our wedding planning is more important than one of your problems at work. Please see that our wedding is more important than your fucking fantasy football league.
I know neither of us want to have kids. I don't like
the thought of being pregnant or giving birth, and I
don't know how I would do with the daily grind of
raising children. But sometimes when I think of the
possibility that you might die before me, I want to
change my mind because then at least I would still
have part of you with me in the form of a child.
I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to
love someone. I know we occasionally irritate each
other, and I know you sometimes get annoyed when I
want to hang out with you all the time and you just
want to watch sports with your friends. I don't want
to be morbid, but I know that if you were to die I
would give absolutely anything just to spend one more
hour with you and I want to take full advantage of all
the time we've got. I might regret wasting time doing
other stuff but I would never regret spending more time
with you. You are my best friend and my other half
and I hope we have 80 more years together.
Confession #832
I need you to know that I love you with all me heart. I am so afraid that I
will wake up some morning and you will be gone. No not to another woman, but
gone from this earth.
You know what kind of basket case I was after my mom passed away. Her
leaving so suddenly just ripped me open.
Thinking of facing each day without by my side terrifies me.
For the past 24 years you have been my strength. You have been the best
father, step-father and now grandfather.
You have ridden this roller coaster with me and it hasn't be such a bad
ride. But now that we are getting older and talk so much about retiring I
fear that before that day comes something will happen to shatter our plans.
Forgive me for being a worry wart. But you see without that shinning face
of yours, and the gentle touch that you have and the way that you know that
my day just hasn't been quite right I would be a mess.
And what about all of these children?? I know all but 3 are grown and some
are parents now too, but what would they do without you to lean on, to share
with? You the only Mets fan in the bunch. Who would they have to tease about
that?
Please know in my heart you always will be. Jesus brought us together for a
reason and I will never question Him, I will only praise Him and thank Him
for He knew what I needed before I did.
I thank you for everything. No matter how tight money is you always make
sure the kids have what they need. Thank you for keeping me centered and
helping me to put the past behind me and reminding me that not any of it was
my fault.
I send you tender kisses and gentle hugs everyday until you go home to be
with our Lord.
Confession #833
4 and a half years ago, after failing miserably to flirt with you, and then having to almost beg you for sex; you said you'd come through to the bedroom in a minute, and proceeded to keep me waiting 15 minutes.
Then you switched on the bedroom TV and watched football as you undressed. You never looked at me once. Your eyes were glued to the screen. It took you at least 5 minutes to undress, because you were so riveted to the TV. It wasn't even 'your team'. If it had been 'your team' , I would have known not to even bother trying. It was just 'some team from another league'.. not an important game, just a game. I was really annoyed that you were so glued to it when it meant nothing to you. It must have meant that making love with your wife meant even less than nothing.
The sex was average. Bog-standard. Quick and painless. Mechanical. I cant even remember now whether or not i had an orgasm, but i probably didn't.
As we lay there afterward, you watching the football ( you at least had the decency to switch it over to music videos while we were doing it, but then switched it back to the football once we'd finished), I calmly and quietly and with no trace of anger in my voice, said to you, 'Next time, it's your turn to initiate sex. I'm tired of being the one who always initiates it.' I think you said 'ok', but i cant really remember now.
But that time, 4 and a half years ago, was the last time we had sex. Because if i don't initiate it, it apparently doesn't happen.
The first 2 years, after that last time, were tough. I was gagging for it... I'd have jumped on you in a heartbeat if you'd asked me. But i was sticking to my guns. I wanted to see how long it would take you to turn things around... to be a man. And it didn't happen. Gradually, i started getting used to not having sex, and now i don't miss it at all. Now i live in fear that one day you are going to want it. And I don't want it ... not at all.
Confession #834
I like pretending that our big, underlying problems will go away: your anxiety, my attempting eating disorder recovery with you around, the drinking that assuages your anxiety, the anger that's sparked by your drinking, the eating disorder relapses that are sparked by your drinking. I keep telling myself, "We're young. I'll get over being so sensitive when he's anxious about 'bad' food or some big deal at work. He'll get over when other guys talk to me and how he drinks a bottle of wine a night, and slurs his words, and falls asleep before 8:30."
I know I'm a dirty liar. I know I've either got to get you to deal with all this stuff WITH me, or that we're headed for that 50/50 path to divorce.
We're not even going to be married for eleven months yet.
Confession #835
I'm actually glad I found your profile on that nasty website. Now I have a good, concrete reason to leave your sorry ass and never look back. And you're right, I'm not in love with you anymore. You have managed to kill any good feelings I had for you, and instead of being a man and telling me you wanted "passion" and to have those "feelings" (for somebody else) you had to take the cowardly way out. Again. So I'm going to have the balls that you never did, and end this nightmare once and for all.
Confession #836
I love you more than life itself BUT please don't talk to me while I'm sitting on the toilet. We've been married for more than a decade and we've always had a closed door policy. It's bad enough that the kids walk in on me with wild abandon. Don't you start doing it too. It's nice that you want to talk to me and all but please, just give me a minute. Or 5.
Confession #837
Yes, we're anonymous. And we only write because we're sure we'll stay that way.
Were it not so, would I say how much I've come to dread sex with my husband, whom I love but who makes me feel like nothing more than a hole in the mattress?
Confession #838
I need to say this.....when I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares about my childhood, about how I was molested, and I just needed to talk about it, I felt so messed up inside, so hurt and wounded.....you wouldn't take no for an answer. You took off my clothes while I struggled, you did your thing while i lay sobbing, saying no, you got off and said I'm sorry....you raped me. At one of my lowest possible moments you did that to me. You shattered all the sense of safety and security I had left, the safety I thought I had now in my adult life, now that the rest was the past. You made me empty inside. And I stayed for 3 more years and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not being able to protect myself as an adult, I hate myself for thinking so little of myself that I would accept that. I hate you for the hell you put me through in those last 3 years, when I would freeze up during sex, and never want to be with you like that. I used to have panic attacks just praying you would hurry up. And all you could think about was yourself and you treated me like nothing, like i was worthless for not being able to satisfy you. I feel ruined and I hate you. I just needed you to love and support me thru a terrible time, and thats what you did to me. I thank God you will never have the opportunity to touch me again.
Confession #839
to my dearly beloved:
i suppose it would bother you to call me once in a while. (me talkin' selfish)
i stayed home sick from work today. im not feeling well. (and that's true)
i miss my husband and im FUCKING sick of it. (that doesn't even do it justice)
i love you and i cant even tell you. (i want to tell you)
why did it come to this anyway? (the age-old question)
lets examine the situation (hmmmmmmmm....)
i fell in love with you; and you with me (6 years ago)
we got married and had a wonderful --though challenging--time (but worth it)
but marriage was and is the best thing weve ever experienced (seriously)
and yet we decided to put it on the line (why? why? why?)
and test it one more time ( 1 )
the hardest time of all (hard)
and were hanging in there and being strong (we are, i am, are you?)
but were learning a lesson weve already learned (3 times over)
we already knew we love eachother (i always knew)
we already knew we are faithful (i swear i am)
we definitely already knew nothing can break us apart (nothing ever has)
so why are we going through this again? (?)
well i hate it because being away from you is like a prison sentence
not even lethal injection would be worse
when you get home my life will resume from being on pause
and if you still love me ill be the most blessed person on earth
(and quite possibly mars)
(oh, did you hear that Pluto is no longer considered a planet? i swear on us that's true. they demoted it recently and now there are only 8 planets i swear on us)
ok i love you
Stay safe out there and come home soon. Only 8 more months Sergeant!
Confession #840
If you could just PRETEND to take an interest in the wedding planning, it would make me feel so special. I have given up so much for you: My acting, my writing, my independent career. I went to work with you because I'm too spineless to stand up to you and admit that we may have different lifestyle ideals (even though I'm not really sure what mine are at all, or if they're different from yours). Can you please see that I like organizing and planning things, and that our wedding is a hugely important thing to me, and that I need you to act like you think it's important too? Please, please see that. Please see that our wedding planning is more important than one of your problems at work. Please see that our wedding is more important than your fucking fantasy football league.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
True Wife Confessions 83, a song by John Mayer...sigh.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
True Wife Confessions 82 - The # of games in a regular NHL season (for you, Nancy!)
Confession #811
I'm not positive that I want you for anything more than sex. I have pondered it, and even with our past as a teacher I think there's a good chance we could work as a pair. I'm not obsessing about it this time. If we try to force it, it won't happen. Neither of us can be forced. I can be patient and I know you can too. I admire you, respect you, and even find your "bad" traits endearing. I've never said it out loud, because there's so much bullshit surrounding this stupid word, but I fucking love you (too.) Just for being you. It's never been extremely passionate, but you've always remained on my brain. I just didn't think we'd get this chance again so I moved on. Maybe we won't actually get the chance, and that's fine, but I'm glad we're at least talking. I've never enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoy talking to you. We really get each other and I think we compliment each other in all the right ways. If we end up doing it, we have to do it right this time. I don't want to wonder what could've been anymore. Lets not fuck it up again.
Confession #812
I honestly feel like you have ruined my life. I refer to "my old life" before you, when I actually felt alive and successful. You have made me a worthless failure. I know that I will be a nobody as long as I stay with you. I knew that when I married you. I keep hoping you will change and thank my some day.
Confession #813
You are 9 days away from losing me. I'm not kidding. If you haven't called in 9 more days, you can go find yourself a new best friend. I understand that you are busy and I understand that you work weird hours. But it's been 8 days since I saw you and 6 days since you ended a 5 minute conversation with "I'll call you back." I'm tired of being the one who makes the effort and I'm tired of being taken for granted. We've had this fight before and I've looked past it. But no more. It's going to take way more than a funny comment or a great day spent together to get me back in your life if you screw this up. In 9 days I will begin the progress of getting over the last three years. It'll be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I will do it. It's your call.
Confession #814
Today you brought up your idea of us going away for an extended weekend. At first I thought that maybe you wanted to do this so we can reconnect, knowing how troubled our marriage has become lately. However, the fact that you started to bitch and complain as soon as I oh-so-gently brought up that a seven hour drive to go somewhere for a short weekend (while leaving our toddler for the first time in a very long time), may not be such a great idea for such a short stay, made me not even want to do this. The fact that you sound and act like a child whenever you don't get your way, while lacking all sense of logic, makes me resent and loathe you even more. The truth is, I don't think going anywhere with you is gonna help this shitty relationship. We could go to Mars and you'd still be a dick.
Confession #815
The umpteenth night you wet the bed, I told you: if you didn't at least step to with at least 30 minutes of physical contact a night to compensate for your general alcoholic neglect of my feelings, I was going to have an affair. You vowed to change, but then you had a stressful evening and I was sure your efforts were doomed. I prayed to God that you would at least not be hateful to me, even if you were going to drink yourself into oblivion. You surprised me by mastering your frustrations without drinking that night, and now you've been relatively sober and way more considerate than usual for a whole week. It is so, so pleasant not to be pissed off at you and to think we might get through the rest of our married life without hating each other after all ... please, please keep with it.
But I am kind of sorry I don't have an excuse now for the affair. Oh well. It would have been hot, too.
Confession #816
You are a perfectly nice person, but I do not love you. I want to leave but you are making this very hard for me. We do nothing but fight because we are completely different people with different goals in life. Please stop trying to fix this relationship and let me go. It is the best thing for us and we both know it. I feel so guilty about leaving when you are trying so hard to fix things that can never be fixed. I am tired of sacrificing everything that I want and hold dear for you and not getting much in return. It is just part of your nature and I accept it. But I can't live with it anymore. And I am not going to try to change you because the effort is futile. And you should realize that applies to me too. We are both simply too set in our ways. For once in your life please concede the battle and let it go. Acknowledge that we made a mistake and move on.
Confession #817
I am jealous of you. It makes me sick that you only have a high school
diploma and make more money than me while I worked my butt off for 4 years
in college and can't find a decent paying job. I love that you are able to
support us and our son, but inside it makes me cry that my degree might as
well be a GED because the job market in our town sucks. And I know you are
as dissapointed in me as I am even though you have never said it directly.
I'm sorry I lash out at you, it is my self defense for my very low self
esteem. I have gained 100 lbs since we got married and you deserve better
than a fat wife who can't even get a job to pay off her own student loans.
I love you so much and pray that you will never get tired of putting up with
me.
Confession #818
We've been married for 18 years, that have mostly been great. You are the only man I've ever been with, and I felt like we would always be together.
But guess what I just found out? My last pap smear revealed that I have HPV. How on earth does a woman with one sexual partner for 18 years suddenly get HPV? I can only think of one way, you fucking cheater.
Confession #819
To my ex-husband,
I promised you that if I was ever ready to introduce another man into our children's lives I would inform you. Well consider your self informed. While I am at it let me inform you about a few other things. I have been dating him for three months and sleeping with him for two months. In that time he has given me more orgasms than you did in the entire 10 years we were together. He loves to have sex with me and can't keep his hands off me. Remember how you only wanted sex once every two weeks and then it only lasted like 5 minutes? He wants me all the time. I have finally met my match! He can't believe how Say I am to please. Let's face it. You are not a very tough act to follow. He's tall. Very tall. I can wear my highest heels and he still has to bend over to kiss me. I love that. Remember how I had to wear flat slippers and make sure my veil did not pouf up over my head at our wedding so I wouldn't tower over you. I never minded your height, or lack thereof. I minded that I was made to feel like "Lurch" as you kindly put it. 5'10" is not "freakishly tall" for a woman.
I wanted to laugh in your face last month when you accused me of being jealous of your girlfriend. I actually don't have a problem with her. I am, of course, concerned about anyone who is spending time with my children and I did not think it was appropriate for you to bring her to Parents' Night at our daughter's school but I am not jealous. Why would I be? That poor girl has a lot of disappointment coming her way. I know why she is so crazy about you. I felt that way myself once. You put on a really good show in the beginning. But one of these days she is going to reach for you in the night and you will push her away and say "get off me. I don't want that right now." And then you will do it again and again and again until next thing she knows she will be grateful for any kind of affection you are willing to throw her way. One of these days she will not be feeling well and she will leave some dishes in the sink or will forget and use the wrong kind of rice and you will flip out and tell her she is a lousy girlfriend or wife or whatever. I hope for her sake she is smarter than I was.
You will meet my new man soon enough. You are going to hate him. You always hate people who make you look bad by being better at things than you are. I don't have words for how much better he is at making me happy.
Confession #820
Don't lie to me. Don't offer to get the kids up and take them to
school at some nebulous time in the future and then tell me no when I
ask you to do it. You wonder why I never think to ask for your help?
Because when I do, you either have something else planned or you're too
tired.
Hello? I have twice as many credit hours this semester as you do. Not
only that, but I work. You don't. I know, it was my idea for you to
take your first semester off work so you could concentrate on school,
but I really thought you would help out a little more around the house.
(Shows what I get for thinking, huh?)
If I say I'm depressed, don't act like its all in my head. Don't tell
me 'well, don't'. If it gets bad enough that I'm telling you, I'm not
looking for sympathy- I'm warning you to watch it, because every time I
get this way, I get one step closer to kicking you out. I could do it
on my own. You and I both know I could. You need me. I don't need
you. You're only still here because I choose to keep you around.
Today, I'm wondering why.
I'm not positive that I want you for anything more than sex. I have pondered it, and even with our past as a teacher I think there's a good chance we could work as a pair. I'm not obsessing about it this time. If we try to force it, it won't happen. Neither of us can be forced. I can be patient and I know you can too. I admire you, respect you, and even find your "bad" traits endearing. I've never said it out loud, because there's so much bullshit surrounding this stupid word, but I fucking love you (too.) Just for being you. It's never been extremely passionate, but you've always remained on my brain. I just didn't think we'd get this chance again so I moved on. Maybe we won't actually get the chance, and that's fine, but I'm glad we're at least talking. I've never enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoy talking to you. We really get each other and I think we compliment each other in all the right ways. If we end up doing it, we have to do it right this time. I don't want to wonder what could've been anymore. Lets not fuck it up again.
Confession #812
I honestly feel like you have ruined my life. I refer to "my old life" before you, when I actually felt alive and successful. You have made me a worthless failure. I know that I will be a nobody as long as I stay with you. I knew that when I married you. I keep hoping you will change and thank my some day.
Confession #813
You are 9 days away from losing me. I'm not kidding. If you haven't called in 9 more days, you can go find yourself a new best friend. I understand that you are busy and I understand that you work weird hours. But it's been 8 days since I saw you and 6 days since you ended a 5 minute conversation with "I'll call you back." I'm tired of being the one who makes the effort and I'm tired of being taken for granted. We've had this fight before and I've looked past it. But no more. It's going to take way more than a funny comment or a great day spent together to get me back in your life if you screw this up. In 9 days I will begin the progress of getting over the last three years. It'll be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I will do it. It's your call.
Confession #814
Today you brought up your idea of us going away for an extended weekend. At first I thought that maybe you wanted to do this so we can reconnect, knowing how troubled our marriage has become lately. However, the fact that you started to bitch and complain as soon as I oh-so-gently brought up that a seven hour drive to go somewhere for a short weekend (while leaving our toddler for the first time in a very long time), may not be such a great idea for such a short stay, made me not even want to do this. The fact that you sound and act like a child whenever you don't get your way, while lacking all sense of logic, makes me resent and loathe you even more. The truth is, I don't think going anywhere with you is gonna help this shitty relationship. We could go to Mars and you'd still be a dick.
Confession #815
The umpteenth night you wet the bed, I told you: if you didn't at least step to with at least 30 minutes of physical contact a night to compensate for your general alcoholic neglect of my feelings, I was going to have an affair. You vowed to change, but then you had a stressful evening and I was sure your efforts were doomed. I prayed to God that you would at least not be hateful to me, even if you were going to drink yourself into oblivion. You surprised me by mastering your frustrations without drinking that night, and now you've been relatively sober and way more considerate than usual for a whole week. It is so, so pleasant not to be pissed off at you and to think we might get through the rest of our married life without hating each other after all ... please, please keep with it.
But I am kind of sorry I don't have an excuse now for the affair. Oh well. It would have been hot, too.
Confession #816
You are a perfectly nice person, but I do not love you. I want to leave but you are making this very hard for me. We do nothing but fight because we are completely different people with different goals in life. Please stop trying to fix this relationship and let me go. It is the best thing for us and we both know it. I feel so guilty about leaving when you are trying so hard to fix things that can never be fixed. I am tired of sacrificing everything that I want and hold dear for you and not getting much in return. It is just part of your nature and I accept it. But I can't live with it anymore. And I am not going to try to change you because the effort is futile. And you should realize that applies to me too. We are both simply too set in our ways. For once in your life please concede the battle and let it go. Acknowledge that we made a mistake and move on.
Confession #817
I am jealous of you. It makes me sick that you only have a high school
diploma and make more money than me while I worked my butt off for 4 years
in college and can't find a decent paying job. I love that you are able to
support us and our son, but inside it makes me cry that my degree might as
well be a GED because the job market in our town sucks. And I know you are
as dissapointed in me as I am even though you have never said it directly.
I'm sorry I lash out at you, it is my self defense for my very low self
esteem. I have gained 100 lbs since we got married and you deserve better
than a fat wife who can't even get a job to pay off her own student loans.
I love you so much and pray that you will never get tired of putting up with
me.
Confession #818
We've been married for 18 years, that have mostly been great. You are the only man I've ever been with, and I felt like we would always be together.
But guess what I just found out? My last pap smear revealed that I have HPV. How on earth does a woman with one sexual partner for 18 years suddenly get HPV? I can only think of one way, you fucking cheater.
Confession #819
To my ex-husband,
I promised you that if I was ever ready to introduce another man into our children's lives I would inform you. Well consider your self informed. While I am at it let me inform you about a few other things. I have been dating him for three months and sleeping with him for two months. In that time he has given me more orgasms than you did in the entire 10 years we were together. He loves to have sex with me and can't keep his hands off me. Remember how you only wanted sex once every two weeks and then it only lasted like 5 minutes? He wants me all the time. I have finally met my match! He can't believe how Say I am to please. Let's face it. You are not a very tough act to follow. He's tall. Very tall. I can wear my highest heels and he still has to bend over to kiss me. I love that. Remember how I had to wear flat slippers and make sure my veil did not pouf up over my head at our wedding so I wouldn't tower over you. I never minded your height, or lack thereof. I minded that I was made to feel like "Lurch" as you kindly put it. 5'10" is not "freakishly tall" for a woman.
I wanted to laugh in your face last month when you accused me of being jealous of your girlfriend. I actually don't have a problem with her. I am, of course, concerned about anyone who is spending time with my children and I did not think it was appropriate for you to bring her to Parents' Night at our daughter's school but I am not jealous. Why would I be? That poor girl has a lot of disappointment coming her way. I know why she is so crazy about you. I felt that way myself once. You put on a really good show in the beginning. But one of these days she is going to reach for you in the night and you will push her away and say "get off me. I don't want that right now." And then you will do it again and again and again until next thing she knows she will be grateful for any kind of affection you are willing to throw her way. One of these days she will not be feeling well and she will leave some dishes in the sink or will forget and use the wrong kind of rice and you will flip out and tell her she is a lousy girlfriend or wife or whatever. I hope for her sake she is smarter than I was.
You will meet my new man soon enough. You are going to hate him. You always hate people who make you look bad by being better at things than you are. I don't have words for how much better he is at making me happy.
Confession #820
Don't lie to me. Don't offer to get the kids up and take them to
school at some nebulous time in the future and then tell me no when I
ask you to do it. You wonder why I never think to ask for your help?
Because when I do, you either have something else planned or you're too
tired.
Hello? I have twice as many credit hours this semester as you do. Not
only that, but I work. You don't. I know, it was my idea for you to
take your first semester off work so you could concentrate on school,
but I really thought you would help out a little more around the house.
(Shows what I get for thinking, huh?)
If I say I'm depressed, don't act like its all in my head. Don't tell
me 'well, don't'. If it gets bad enough that I'm telling you, I'm not
looking for sympathy- I'm warning you to watch it, because every time I
get this way, I get one step closer to kicking you out. I could do it
on my own. You and I both know I could. You need me. I don't need
you. You're only still here because I choose to keep you around.
Today, I'm wondering why.
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