Confession #2671
Just how hard is it to change the cat litter box? I mean seriously, I was gone for 4 days. It would take about 3 minutes to scoop out the pee and poop so that when I returned home after driving in the pouring rain for 2 hours, picking up our son, picking up dinner for the three of us that it didn't smell like a goddamn sewer in the house. When I finally got to the cat box later that night I saw it was obvious you hadn't touched it at all.. So unbelievably gross. Oh, and, taking credit for the housework my mother did while I was gone, so uncool. I know you did not make up the guest bed, start laundry, do a load of dishes or sweep the floor. That had my mother written all over it.
Just why is it that you think it is ok to be a lazy ass? a slob? waiting for me to pick up after you? I am so done. Done with being your maid, done with waiting on you hand and foot. The day will come when we separate. You will be in a world of hurt.
Confession #2672
Twenty years we've been together and I've never once been physically attracted to you. It's not that you're not a generous, attentive lover--you are. It's just that without that spark, all I can do is use every image of every porno I ever saw in order to get to the finish line. I love you the way I love my family. I love you for being a great father and a devoted husband. But I will never love you in that passionate, can't-wait-to-see-you-again kind of way. I'll never leave you, and you'll never leave me. We're destined to spend our lives together. We're happy. We're good to one another. We have great kids. But knowing that I'll never feel that spark? That makes me so sad.
Confession #2673
to my baby, the photographer...i'm still winning.
wish it didn't have to be so all or nothing for you.
i'm willing to share every bit of me. within my circumstances.
i love you completely. there has never been and will never be another that i will love like you.
Confession #2674
I have a confession. I love you more than anything. I have put my entire self on hold to make you happy. I worked my butt off from 2am till midnight. Everyday of the week to get us out of debt so you wouldn't have to take a second job. I bought you a new house, a new truck, a new four wheeler. I do all the housework so you don't have to. I don't even make you help with the kids. I'm so afraid of you leaving me and afraid of your unhappiness that I put all my needs, wants and desires on hold -to make your world easy.... so that you wont leave me.
And what do I get in return? You come home every night and yell if things are out of order or the kids aren't ready for bed. You find something to yell about. You want dinner on the table everynight, sex everynight. You say you hate your life and that you feel unfulfilled. I hate it that I can't make you happy. I hate that you don't love me. I hate it that you can't be happy with me. I hate myself for loving you. I hate that I choose you over being alone and divorced and being a single mom. I hate that I need you so much. I hate that I love you more than anything.
Confession #2675
Dear Hubby,
When you wake up in the morning and say that your head hurts, or feel like I have been hitting you all night..your right. I smack your jaw shut over and over again until you stop snoring...I also push you over so that you will stop..so those pains in your back are really caused by me!
Confession #2676
I love you and our family together more than anything in the world. In fact, you and the boys ARE my world. I love that I am your wife, it is what I had wanted since I fell in love with you years ago. My only confession is this, ...as much as I do like to work usually, and as much as I do like to earn my own money and as much as having a job outside of the home boosts my self confidence,...I really secretly wish that we had a good enough income that there would be no problem with me being a full time stay at home mom. I would really love to take care of the house, the dog, our boys, you, pay our bills and make extravagant meals and all that crap that most women seem to loathe anymore. I would absolutely love it. .....*sigh*...but I love you insanely no matter what, and I'll still be happy,...just a bit grumpy at times as having a job outside of the home is really just one more job to add to the other hundred I will have waiting at home regardless:)
Confession #2677
I am so glad your mother is moving I can't even explain it. I'm sorry that you're upset, but she'll be a plane ride away. I'm sorry but when she comes up to "visit" she won't be staying with us. You have 4 other siblings that can have her. I'm not going to be her taxi driver or clean up after her. I'm not going to put up with her insulting me or my family for god knows how long. She's lazy, she could have a desk job but refuses, she could drive, again, she refuses. She needs to quit smoking, she's killing herself and will not be allowed to be around me when I'm pregnant or smoke near our kids. I know she's your mother and you love her, but she should be looking out for you guys, not the other way around. Stop coddling her!!!! I just hope she stays there this time.
Confession #2678
You really are such a JERK!! If only you knew that I wish you'd get some illness and only have a short time to live. As awful as that sounds it's true. You totally suck at communication. I've NEVER seen someone so horrible at it. I've stayed in this sucky relationship for 17 years and now find out that you've been cheating on me for most of the relationship. I hate the fact that I'm NEVER allowed to talk to you. It's either I just got home, I'm tired, wait til the weekend (but then it never happens anyway). I leave messages on your voice mail but you don't even listen to them. You just delete them right away. I really couldn't fucking believe you do that. I so want out of this HORRIBLE relationship. I'm only hear because of the kids and don't plan on being here that much longer. You really SUCK and I do hope you get what's coming to you.
Confession #2679
I wish I could count on you. I asked you to tidy up the house because we were going to have guests tonight. You managed to straighten up the garage, but left me to the dishes, make the beds, make sure the bathrooms were clean, etc. You still have a pile of shit from last week sitting out in plain view. While I made dinner you ran off to take care of your "errands". Why don't you see what needs to be done without being told?
Confession #2680
I am watching "Mad Men" on my computer while you sit on the couch in the other room doing a crossword. I am trying to decide whether introducing you to the show will encourage your drinking problem, or dampen it. I resent this managing role I have to play. Managing your ego (I have to talk about your amazing dinners for more minutes than you talk about mine, or you're despondent). Managing your laziness (oh so gently reminding you to study for the GRE, cautiously suggesting we clean the house, cheerfully insisting we should go to your friends' parties since you told them we would). Managing your drinking (your parents are alcoholics, they had a horrible marriage, you get irrational and mean when you're drunk, so get a grip and stop playing this out, stop blaming it on me, I want to help you, I want you to thrive, I'm on your side, so please remove this toxic element from our lives). Managing your negativity (I was so embarrassed last weekend when my brother called you on your negativity, and how you sulked and didn't speak to my family the whole weekend. I hate that my brother knows I am around a negative person all the time. I hate that I have to admit to myself how inhibited I've become when I talk, because I am too sensitive to handle your naysaying, devil's advocate view, criticism, discouragement, outlandish knee-jerk downer responses that aren't logical).
You and I have sex every day, sometimes twice. It's very good sex usually. Aside from my period (during which I make sure to give you lots on non-intercourse attention) it's very rare for a day to go by without sex. Most strong-libidoed men would be satisfied. Well, on Friday night you had way too much to drink with our houseguests and came upstairs as I was getting ready for bed at 2a.m. and said, "I want to have sex with you." I could smell cigarette smoke and stale alcohol, and I could envision the half-hard bad sex we'd have with you that drunk. I was about to say yes when I thought, no, this is not what I want. I do not want sex right now. I want to sleep. Can I make a reasonable choice here and not be punished for it? Of course, this is my husband, I'm just stating what I want and need. I hugged you and said, "Darling, we don't have very good sex when you're drunk, so not now, but tomorrow we will. Let's sleep." You then accused me of being cold, and said various cruel things. I put my earplugs in, because although it's "all about communication" it's also about self-preservation, and I don't consider immature drunken insults "communication" I need to hear. I no longer feel they will reveal anything.
How do all these women out there who don't have sex everyday get away with it? I feel jealous, like they can say "no" many times a month and not get in trouble. I say no twice a year and I'm branded awful and get the cold shoulder for days. You are such a baby, and so selfish. I used to love men. I have good relationships with my dad and brothers. I have often defended men when women made angry generalizations. But now I get it. I am sick of your selfishness, I am sick of your constant neediness. Where are the real men? These weak, underachieving drama queens are out of control.
You have not spoken to me for two days, and our houseguests think we have a bad marriage. I hate their condescension and pity and judgment. But you three exclude me, and drink too much, and I'm left out of your club. So every time we're around them a little conflict becomes a big awkward thing. You know what? They are lame, insular, undereducated jerks. And it's unacceptable that you to confide in them about what's going on between us, because a) you're not respecting the privacy of our marriage, and b) it's only going to make them like me less, and make these weekends with them even less tolerable.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
True Wife Confession # 267 Infusions
Confession #2661
I hate your mother and I know that you cannot stand mine. Every time I think of your mother I get a scowl on my face. I don’t think that I have disliked anyone as much as I dislike her. She is passive-aggressive, demeaning and just plain shitty. Get her out of my life. I would be happier with you if it were not for her. You are weak when it comes to her, cut the fing strings already! She is not your wife! I am! Can’t you see that? Would you be happier if I took the kids and left, so that way the two of you could like in bliss without me in the way? Most of the time I think so.
Confession #2662
Major confession: I've faked every single orgasm since we started having sex. It's not that you aren't a good lover, but you go too fast and expect me to respond very quickly. It's just easier to fake it rather than trying to give you direction and slow you down. Second confession: I wish you'd just slow down so I could relax and enjoy it.
Confession #2663
I know I said I hated you. I really don't. I have come home because I missed you. The being of you, the smile you have for me and yes, even to watch you sleeep. I wanted the space, to see you on weekends, and you gave it to me. Maybe we really are meant to be....
Love Me
Confession #2664
I leave my car unlocked. No one is ever going to steal it. I have lots of
crap to carry out to the car in the morning, and when I get to the car and
the doors are locked, I know that there is only one reason. You have locked
them. Now I have to lug all that crap back into the house, find my keys, go
out to the car, unlock the doors, go back inside, pick up all the crap, and
walk back out to the car.
STOP LOCKING MY FUCKING CAR DOORS!!!!
Confession #2665
What a mess. A horrible, horrible mess I am in.
I am barely hanging on by my fingernails to my sanity. Sometimes a mere word or thought misplaced sends tears to my eyes. It's frustrating to me how easily I cry now, because I was always the strong one who would never let anyone see my tears fall. Why?
I don't think I'm good enough. I keep getting comments from everyone to "keep reading" when I have barely enough time to sleep. I failed Step 3 and now have to pay another hefty >$700 to take it again. I hope to goodness that I pass.
My family won't help me. After 6 months they finally begged to have the baby over for a week, only to end up asking us to take her back because they couldn't handle her for two days. Two days!! And people wonder why I don't talk to them.
I'm broke. To the point where I can't even buy new shoes even though my clogs are full of holes. And I'm married to a man who doesn't make half of what I do. And then he complains about having two days off a week but not having any time for himself while I work a full schedule plus every 4th night >24h call. On top of that I don't even sleep in the same bed as him for crying out loud. But I'm not even physically attracted to him anymore because he refuses to take care of himself, and then he complains about being sick all the time. I'm a surgeon, damnit, I can't cure diabetes with my magic fingers! I don't know what I am doing with him.
I am head-over-heels in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I think he's gotten what he wanted from me and now he's done. And what he doesn't know is that if he wanted, if he only asked once, I would have given up literally everything just to be with him. Whoever said that lovers can't be friends was right, because every time I even hear his voice, every time I even catch a glimpse of him, and even after all that I've been through with him, I wish all over again that he were mine. He is a brilliant, gorgeous, intelligent man who knows exactly how to make me feel good in so many, many ways, and I hate the thought that I've had a taste of that and can never have it ever again.
All of this is literally driving me insane and I don't know how much longer I can bear it. Every night I cry myself to sleep. It's a miracle I wake up every morning because I go to bed wishing that I would die, just never wake up ever again just so I wouldn't have to bear all of this misery.
Confession #2666
I'm tired enough of feeling hurt all the time, hanging on the hope that you might be sexually interested in me, but finding that even when you promise to work on it, it never lasts for very long. On some level I'm glad I told you no more sex. Ar least I can let the hope die, and when yet another week or month goes by without so much as a flicker of interest, I can pretend that it's because you respect my wishes.
Deep down I'm crushed that you didn't argue with me at all. Just, ok, if it's what you have to do. Like you don't care at all. I recognize some of this is your depression talking, and I am glad you're getting help. But what I really want, more than the sex itself, is to feel like you give a shit about me as a woman, that I am more to you than a best friend and housemate. Remember how I was beyond happy the last time you seemed to want me? Clearly it didn't make an impression.
You're wonderful in every other way, and I adore you in spite of all this mess. I just wish there were a way to bottle that fleeting connection we occasionally find in the bedroom, so I could feel that closeness with you more than once in a blue moon. But I can't have that, so I am walling myself off. I hope I remember how to live in a sexless relationship.
Confession #2667
Stop acting so put out and put upon about my finally FORCING you to get rid of your ex-wife's personalized license plate from YOUR car by refusing to ride in it anymore! Only 19 months after I first started asking you to! It's NOT THAT HARD!!!
Confession #2668
I think I'm finally getting through to you! When you remain absolutely silent during sex it feels like a gynecological exam. You talk during initial foreplay, but once it gets serious I get no feedback at all. It's ain't sexy. It ain't fun. Staring at me with your hand on my clit actually turns me off, like I'm some sort of safe you have to crack before you can poke me. Pumping away until you come with a silent shudder is a little creepy. Clear and simple, it turns me on to hear you moan and breathe heavy. It feels like we're making love, connecting as a couple. I finally got what I asked for last night and the orgasm was mind blowing. I had begun to have doubts, but we may make it as a couple after all.
Next lesson in your sexual education: stop saying "you're so wet!" like I'm a dirty whore.
Kisses,
Your girlfriend
Confession #2669
Wow. I kind of can’t believe you forgot to get me a gift/take me to dinner/make me a freaking card for my birthday. You’ve NEVER done anything like this before, and so as angry and hurt as I am, I feel like I should just get over it because, hey, it could be worse. But STILL.
Confession #2670
I don't dislike you. I think you are a very decent and kind human being. You are a great father. We drifted apart and I worry that nothing can bring us back together. I don't love you anymore. I don't respect your political or religious beliefs. You don't stimulate me intellectually or physically. You are so fucking uptight and boring that I would rather wax my bikini line than spend an evening talking to you. I stay with you because I think it's good for the kids while they are young. I feel bad for you. I feel bad that you aren't any fun and don't seem to have any fun. I feel bad that you seem to still be in love with me. I feel bad that you are trying so hard to make me love you again but that I am in love with another man.
I hate your mother and I know that you cannot stand mine. Every time I think of your mother I get a scowl on my face. I don’t think that I have disliked anyone as much as I dislike her. She is passive-aggressive, demeaning and just plain shitty. Get her out of my life. I would be happier with you if it were not for her. You are weak when it comes to her, cut the fing strings already! She is not your wife! I am! Can’t you see that? Would you be happier if I took the kids and left, so that way the two of you could like in bliss without me in the way? Most of the time I think so.
Confession #2662
Major confession: I've faked every single orgasm since we started having sex. It's not that you aren't a good lover, but you go too fast and expect me to respond very quickly. It's just easier to fake it rather than trying to give you direction and slow you down. Second confession: I wish you'd just slow down so I could relax and enjoy it.
Confession #2663
I know I said I hated you. I really don't. I have come home because I missed you. The being of you, the smile you have for me and yes, even to watch you sleeep. I wanted the space, to see you on weekends, and you gave it to me. Maybe we really are meant to be....
Love Me
Confession #2664
I leave my car unlocked. No one is ever going to steal it. I have lots of
crap to carry out to the car in the morning, and when I get to the car and
the doors are locked, I know that there is only one reason. You have locked
them. Now I have to lug all that crap back into the house, find my keys, go
out to the car, unlock the doors, go back inside, pick up all the crap, and
walk back out to the car.
STOP LOCKING MY FUCKING CAR DOORS!!!!
Confession #2665
What a mess. A horrible, horrible mess I am in.
I am barely hanging on by my fingernails to my sanity. Sometimes a mere word or thought misplaced sends tears to my eyes. It's frustrating to me how easily I cry now, because I was always the strong one who would never let anyone see my tears fall. Why?
I don't think I'm good enough. I keep getting comments from everyone to "keep reading" when I have barely enough time to sleep. I failed Step 3 and now have to pay another hefty >$700 to take it again. I hope to goodness that I pass.
My family won't help me. After 6 months they finally begged to have the baby over for a week, only to end up asking us to take her back because they couldn't handle her for two days. Two days!! And people wonder why I don't talk to them.
I'm broke. To the point where I can't even buy new shoes even though my clogs are full of holes. And I'm married to a man who doesn't make half of what I do. And then he complains about having two days off a week but not having any time for himself while I work a full schedule plus every 4th night >24h call. On top of that I don't even sleep in the same bed as him for crying out loud. But I'm not even physically attracted to him anymore because he refuses to take care of himself, and then he complains about being sick all the time. I'm a surgeon, damnit, I can't cure diabetes with my magic fingers! I don't know what I am doing with him.
I am head-over-heels in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I think he's gotten what he wanted from me and now he's done. And what he doesn't know is that if he wanted, if he only asked once, I would have given up literally everything just to be with him. Whoever said that lovers can't be friends was right, because every time I even hear his voice, every time I even catch a glimpse of him, and even after all that I've been through with him, I wish all over again that he were mine. He is a brilliant, gorgeous, intelligent man who knows exactly how to make me feel good in so many, many ways, and I hate the thought that I've had a taste of that and can never have it ever again.
All of this is literally driving me insane and I don't know how much longer I can bear it. Every night I cry myself to sleep. It's a miracle I wake up every morning because I go to bed wishing that I would die, just never wake up ever again just so I wouldn't have to bear all of this misery.
Confession #2666
I'm tired enough of feeling hurt all the time, hanging on the hope that you might be sexually interested in me, but finding that even when you promise to work on it, it never lasts for very long. On some level I'm glad I told you no more sex. Ar least I can let the hope die, and when yet another week or month goes by without so much as a flicker of interest, I can pretend that it's because you respect my wishes.
Deep down I'm crushed that you didn't argue with me at all. Just, ok, if it's what you have to do. Like you don't care at all. I recognize some of this is your depression talking, and I am glad you're getting help. But what I really want, more than the sex itself, is to feel like you give a shit about me as a woman, that I am more to you than a best friend and housemate. Remember how I was beyond happy the last time you seemed to want me? Clearly it didn't make an impression.
You're wonderful in every other way, and I adore you in spite of all this mess. I just wish there were a way to bottle that fleeting connection we occasionally find in the bedroom, so I could feel that closeness with you more than once in a blue moon. But I can't have that, so I am walling myself off. I hope I remember how to live in a sexless relationship.
Confession #2667
Stop acting so put out and put upon about my finally FORCING you to get rid of your ex-wife's personalized license plate from YOUR car by refusing to ride in it anymore! Only 19 months after I first started asking you to! It's NOT THAT HARD!!!
Confession #2668
I think I'm finally getting through to you! When you remain absolutely silent during sex it feels like a gynecological exam. You talk during initial foreplay, but once it gets serious I get no feedback at all. It's ain't sexy. It ain't fun. Staring at me with your hand on my clit actually turns me off, like I'm some sort of safe you have to crack before you can poke me. Pumping away until you come with a silent shudder is a little creepy. Clear and simple, it turns me on to hear you moan and breathe heavy. It feels like we're making love, connecting as a couple. I finally got what I asked for last night and the orgasm was mind blowing. I had begun to have doubts, but we may make it as a couple after all.
Next lesson in your sexual education: stop saying "you're so wet!" like I'm a dirty whore.
Kisses,
Your girlfriend
Confession #2669
Wow. I kind of can’t believe you forgot to get me a gift/take me to dinner/make me a freaking card for my birthday. You’ve NEVER done anything like this before, and so as angry and hurt as I am, I feel like I should just get over it because, hey, it could be worse. But STILL.
Confession #2670
I don't dislike you. I think you are a very decent and kind human being. You are a great father. We drifted apart and I worry that nothing can bring us back together. I don't love you anymore. I don't respect your political or religious beliefs. You don't stimulate me intellectually or physically. You are so fucking uptight and boring that I would rather wax my bikini line than spend an evening talking to you. I stay with you because I think it's good for the kids while they are young. I feel bad for you. I feel bad that you aren't any fun and don't seem to have any fun. I feel bad that you seem to still be in love with me. I feel bad that you are trying so hard to make me love you again but that I am in love with another man.
Monday, September 15, 2008
True Wife Confession 266 million wireless subscribers
Confession #2651
I have never enjoyed sex with anyone the way I do with you. The way you touch me, the way we actually talk and communicate in bed create the most amazing safe space for us to explore. Not only that, but I was never a fan of getting head, as it never did much for me. But with you? Amazing. You take an hour to lick and tease and just relax me - no other expectations or demands.
This amazing safe space has allowed us to start exploring parts of my - and your - sexuality that we never shared with anyone else. I adore you being dominant in bed - which you did after I asked you to - holding me down playfully, telling me to suck your cock, asking if I am your dirty whore...it sends shivers down me even as I write this.
I always loved sex, but with you it has become almost transcendent. I thank you for opening that door.
Confession #2652
Everyone wants to tell you how great it is to be a dad. Two of our friends who have kids have both pulled you aside in the last couple of weeks to enthuse about it, and they say to you that even though they don't get to come out to rock shows with us much any more, it's all worth it for the feeling of holding their very own children, and that the love between them and their wives is deeper than ever, and that they love being involved dads who know how to change diapers and things. Your boss has done this too. My boss has even done it.
None of this is too strange--I mean, I'm sure it really is great to be a dad, and I'm very happy for all of our dad friends. What I find funny is that their wives, the moms, aren't having the same conversation with me.
No one seems to know that you'd probably be fine with becoming a dad--the real reason we don't have kids is that I don't want them.
Confession #2653
My Confession: I love my husband more than life itself.
I waited to get married until the ripe age of 46. I thought I would make a wiser choice in selecting a spouse if I saw and interacted with a huge selection of people from everywhere to ensure I knew what was out there and to be able to recognize a 1-in-a-million when he came along.
Guess what? My plan worked.
I fell in love with you, dear treasure, sight unseen.
You lived 3,000 miles away from me when we met, yet it was sooo easy to pack up, leave my family, friends, job, my entire way of life, drive 3,000 miles across the country, and move in with you....Not a single second thought, I was that certain.
Today we have known each other for exactly 5 years and been married for 1 1/2 years.
And still, during moments that would seem mundane or lackluster to others, and while you are unaware, I look at you and truly see you, and it hurts. It hurts because I truly see you, all the way into your soul. And it hurts because it is so beautiful. It hurts because I realize how easily fate or 'the gods' could have kept us apart or even separate us in the future. It hurts because you are so incredible, and I love you so completely, but unfortunately, life deems that nothing is forever.
So I just smile to myself, and say a prayer of thanks to God for my greatest gift of finding you and having you for many yesterdays, today, and for however many tomorrows I am blessed with.
I love you, my dearest husband, my greatest love….unconditionally and absolutely…just as you love me.
Thank you, darling.
Confession #2654
I don't understand why you are saying I won't go on the motorcycle with you when you haven't asked me. You take the kids, all 3 of them at once, but not me. BUT you did the right thing today when you went over to the boy's house who made our son cry today. Too bad the father over there isn't a stand up guy like you. I love you, but I am still not ready to tell you.
Love me
Confession #2655
I have to confess. Since we met 8 months ago, I've been watching your online activity. I know you've been checking your mail at 3 online dating sites daily for the past 8 months. Even after we had the "exclusive" talk about 7 months ago, you are still online daily. Even after you told me you love me and only me, you are still online daily. Even after I took my own online profile down (and you commented on it), you are still online daily. Even after we talked about living together and possibly even getting married, you are still online daily. And you think I have no clue. Pffft. I'm just waiting for you to hang yourself with your lies. Then I'll kick your ass to the curb so fast your head will spin. You'll see.
Confession #2656
Ladies - I need your help. I have read many of these confessions because I wanted to try to better understand my wife. She is in the midst of an internal struggle where I believe she is trying to decide if she wants to keep our marriage together or not. She is craving for independence, and I know she still loves me but I am not sure it is enough for her. She has been lying frequently to me about where she is and what she is doing. I know she is lying because of a few things that happened (her friend called the house when she was supposed to be out with my wife, and other things like this) but I have given her the benefit of doubt that whatever she is doing she needs to do for herself. I just wish she didn't have to lie to me. I have not called her out yet on any of these lies because I admit for many of our years of marriage I was way to jealous and made her feel bad for things she didn't even do. She will just think I am being jealous again and I am not now - -- but I am concerned. I have not been snoopy or anything for the few months she has been lying and am trying not to be but these lies are killing me. There was another guy in the picture awhile ago and she also talked to me about ending our marriage. She said not be with him but to be alone and independent. She also said that someone else could make me happier than her. I didn't handle it well and asked her to give us some more time and see if our marriage is the problem of if it is other things going on in her life. For the last 2 months she has shown me wonderful love like the old days and things are good except for ----well all the lying. I believe she is living a double life so to speak.
After doing a lot of soul searching and reading on this site what other women are going through internally I realize and accept the possibility that she may not want to be married to me anymore. I don't understand why because we do get along great but I am willing to accept it. I think maybe she is just loving me out of her responsibility to love me. I feel much like I am one of our teenagers where she does her best to make sure we have everything and are happy but what drives her is the other double life.
What I need advice on is how to talk to her about this. I don't know how to start that will not make her defensive and end up in an argument. I want to let her know that I will be OK, if she wants to leave me even thought I think it would be a mistake. I cannot go on living like this where she tells me she is working the weekend away and I know she is lying and is somewhere else. Believe me - I want her to be happy but I can't handle the feeling of being lied to by the one I cherish so much.
A husband
Confession #2657
I hate my husband's orgasm face. I think he either looks like he's in extreme pain or about ready to go to the bathroom. I always try to make sure he isn't facing me when he comes because it totally ruins the mood for me.
Confession #2658
I want you! Not him, not the man i have been married to for 14 years. You are a shit. I know that. I don't care. I want you. Not him!
Confession #2659
No you never hit me with a closed fist, but you did push me and you have thrown things at me and for some reason you never realized that it was the disrespect that hurt the most, not the pain. I'm glad it has stopped but I still think about it often.
I don't know what to think about that girl you met before we got married. Whether you did or not, I've just accepted that fact that you probably cheated and I've just moved on. I shouldn't have let myself do that.
You are a great Father to your daughter, but part of being a great Dad means helping your wife actually take care of your children. Not just playing and doing the fun stuff all of the time. I'm tired of being the bad guy who gives baths, stuggles to dress her and asks her to sit quietly at restaurants.
You think that money means everything, but it means nothing to me. I was happy when I had none and I wish you didn't think it was so important. It has brought nothing but trouble into out lives.
You have an anger problem and you know it but you won't do anything about it. I can make an appointment for you, but if you don't really want to make the changes yourself then there is nothing I can do.
And for some reason, I still love you as much as I did 9 years ago. I still get excited about you coming home, I love to be with you, we have the most amazing sex EVER and that you still find new ways to show me that you care.
I just hope that is enough to see us through our problems. I really do.
Confession #2660
I dream every night about being with another woman. not just sexual but sensual and sweet and romantic. I wake up sad when I realize that is not my life. I get even sadder knowing I will never have that chance to be with a woman.
I have never enjoyed sex with anyone the way I do with you. The way you touch me, the way we actually talk and communicate in bed create the most amazing safe space for us to explore. Not only that, but I was never a fan of getting head, as it never did much for me. But with you? Amazing. You take an hour to lick and tease and just relax me - no other expectations or demands.
This amazing safe space has allowed us to start exploring parts of my - and your - sexuality that we never shared with anyone else. I adore you being dominant in bed - which you did after I asked you to - holding me down playfully, telling me to suck your cock, asking if I am your dirty whore...it sends shivers down me even as I write this.
I always loved sex, but with you it has become almost transcendent. I thank you for opening that door.
Confession #2652
Everyone wants to tell you how great it is to be a dad. Two of our friends who have kids have both pulled you aside in the last couple of weeks to enthuse about it, and they say to you that even though they don't get to come out to rock shows with us much any more, it's all worth it for the feeling of holding their very own children, and that the love between them and their wives is deeper than ever, and that they love being involved dads who know how to change diapers and things. Your boss has done this too. My boss has even done it.
None of this is too strange--I mean, I'm sure it really is great to be a dad, and I'm very happy for all of our dad friends. What I find funny is that their wives, the moms, aren't having the same conversation with me.
No one seems to know that you'd probably be fine with becoming a dad--the real reason we don't have kids is that I don't want them.
Confession #2653
My Confession: I love my husband more than life itself.
I waited to get married until the ripe age of 46. I thought I would make a wiser choice in selecting a spouse if I saw and interacted with a huge selection of people from everywhere to ensure I knew what was out there and to be able to recognize a 1-in-a-million when he came along.
Guess what? My plan worked.
I fell in love with you, dear treasure, sight unseen.
You lived 3,000 miles away from me when we met, yet it was sooo easy to pack up, leave my family, friends, job, my entire way of life, drive 3,000 miles across the country, and move in with you....Not a single second thought, I was that certain.
Today we have known each other for exactly 5 years and been married for 1 1/2 years.
And still, during moments that would seem mundane or lackluster to others, and while you are unaware, I look at you and truly see you, and it hurts. It hurts because I truly see you, all the way into your soul. And it hurts because it is so beautiful. It hurts because I realize how easily fate or 'the gods' could have kept us apart or even separate us in the future. It hurts because you are so incredible, and I love you so completely, but unfortunately, life deems that nothing is forever.
So I just smile to myself, and say a prayer of thanks to God for my greatest gift of finding you and having you for many yesterdays, today, and for however many tomorrows I am blessed with.
I love you, my dearest husband, my greatest love….unconditionally and absolutely…just as you love me.
Thank you, darling.
Confession #2654
I don't understand why you are saying I won't go on the motorcycle with you when you haven't asked me. You take the kids, all 3 of them at once, but not me. BUT you did the right thing today when you went over to the boy's house who made our son cry today. Too bad the father over there isn't a stand up guy like you. I love you, but I am still not ready to tell you.
Love me
Confession #2655
I have to confess. Since we met 8 months ago, I've been watching your online activity. I know you've been checking your mail at 3 online dating sites daily for the past 8 months. Even after we had the "exclusive" talk about 7 months ago, you are still online daily. Even after you told me you love me and only me, you are still online daily. Even after I took my own online profile down (and you commented on it), you are still online daily. Even after we talked about living together and possibly even getting married, you are still online daily. And you think I have no clue. Pffft. I'm just waiting for you to hang yourself with your lies. Then I'll kick your ass to the curb so fast your head will spin. You'll see.
Confession #2656
Ladies - I need your help. I have read many of these confessions because I wanted to try to better understand my wife. She is in the midst of an internal struggle where I believe she is trying to decide if she wants to keep our marriage together or not. She is craving for independence, and I know she still loves me but I am not sure it is enough for her. She has been lying frequently to me about where she is and what she is doing. I know she is lying because of a few things that happened (her friend called the house when she was supposed to be out with my wife, and other things like this) but I have given her the benefit of doubt that whatever she is doing she needs to do for herself. I just wish she didn't have to lie to me. I have not called her out yet on any of these lies because I admit for many of our years of marriage I was way to jealous and made her feel bad for things she didn't even do. She will just think I am being jealous again and I am not now - -- but I am concerned. I have not been snoopy or anything for the few months she has been lying and am trying not to be but these lies are killing me. There was another guy in the picture awhile ago and she also talked to me about ending our marriage. She said not be with him but to be alone and independent. She also said that someone else could make me happier than her. I didn't handle it well and asked her to give us some more time and see if our marriage is the problem of if it is other things going on in her life. For the last 2 months she has shown me wonderful love like the old days and things are good except for ----well all the lying. I believe she is living a double life so to speak.
After doing a lot of soul searching and reading on this site what other women are going through internally I realize and accept the possibility that she may not want to be married to me anymore. I don't understand why because we do get along great but I am willing to accept it. I think maybe she is just loving me out of her responsibility to love me. I feel much like I am one of our teenagers where she does her best to make sure we have everything and are happy but what drives her is the other double life.
What I need advice on is how to talk to her about this. I don't know how to start that will not make her defensive and end up in an argument. I want to let her know that I will be OK, if she wants to leave me even thought I think it would be a mistake. I cannot go on living like this where she tells me she is working the weekend away and I know she is lying and is somewhere else. Believe me - I want her to be happy but I can't handle the feeling of being lied to by the one I cherish so much.
A husband
Confession #2657
I hate my husband's orgasm face. I think he either looks like he's in extreme pain or about ready to go to the bathroom. I always try to make sure he isn't facing me when he comes because it totally ruins the mood for me.
Confession #2658
I want you! Not him, not the man i have been married to for 14 years. You are a shit. I know that. I don't care. I want you. Not him!
Confession #2659
No you never hit me with a closed fist, but you did push me and you have thrown things at me and for some reason you never realized that it was the disrespect that hurt the most, not the pain. I'm glad it has stopped but I still think about it often.
I don't know what to think about that girl you met before we got married. Whether you did or not, I've just accepted that fact that you probably cheated and I've just moved on. I shouldn't have let myself do that.
You are a great Father to your daughter, but part of being a great Dad means helping your wife actually take care of your children. Not just playing and doing the fun stuff all of the time. I'm tired of being the bad guy who gives baths, stuggles to dress her and asks her to sit quietly at restaurants.
You think that money means everything, but it means nothing to me. I was happy when I had none and I wish you didn't think it was so important. It has brought nothing but trouble into out lives.
You have an anger problem and you know it but you won't do anything about it. I can make an appointment for you, but if you don't really want to make the changes yourself then there is nothing I can do.
And for some reason, I still love you as much as I did 9 years ago. I still get excited about you coming home, I love to be with you, we have the most amazing sex EVER and that you still find new ways to show me that you care.
I just hope that is enough to see us through our problems. I really do.
Confession #2660
I dream every night about being with another woman. not just sexual but sensual and sweet and romantic. I wake up sad when I realize that is not my life. I get even sadder knowing I will never have that chance to be with a woman.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
True Wife Confessions 265 raindrops fallin' on my head
Confession # 2641
You asked me a while back how much pot I smoke. I smoke every night you're at band rehearsal.
So, four times a week. Five if I've had to lead a Brownie troop meeting.
But I get the coffee pot set up the night before, keep the house clean, pay all our bills, make lunches, get the kids to school, lead the Brownies, play with our children and keep our house a happy place for you and the kids. I enjoy my tokes. Shut up about it already.
Confession # 2642
Truth is I'm terrified of ending up like you. You are one of the most negative people I know. You don't like any of our friends, you don't like our family, there's always something wrong, you always expect things to go wrong. I can feel my mood dropping as I approach home each day. It's so hard to stay positive for both of us and I just can't do it anymore. You're right, your life sucks...but only because you make it that way. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Guess what! It's about to suck even more because I'm getting the hell out of this funeral parlor. You have finally managed to push everyone out of your life.
Confession # 2643
Honey, I love you. I really do. But I hate having sex with you. It's terrible. Years ago, I sacrificed great sex for a great man. I tell you that I just don't like sex. That I must have lost my sex drive when I had the baby. I tell you that it will pass. I tell you that we just have to keep having sex and eventually it will come back to me. But the truth is, I do like sex. I just don't like sex with you. That's why when he emailed me today, I thought about having an affair. I really REALLY enjoyed sex with him. But then I remembered why I married you. And the great sex wouldn't be worth losing you. But I do wonder how I will live the rest of my life and never have an amazing sex life again.
Confession # 2644
Yes, I am angry with you. I'm angry because you never asked me. Never mind that it was a non-issue that your daughter is coming to live with us because her mother is - well - not doing her job. Of course she can come, but you did not ask me. You did not discuss living arrangements, or school, or how we're going to pay for anything with me. That shows me, yet again, how much you take me for granted. You do not treat me like your partner. You treat me like some little girl who can't think for herself. You assume that everything here is "ours" - (including my notebooks, but that's another rant). My asking your opinion is me trying to include you, not me asking you to do it for me, so don't get angry. And then when you say you will do something you do not keep your word. How is this going to affect your daughter who, as you just now told me, is coming from a "messed up place"? Her entire security system has just failed and you expect to be able to function as her father when you can't even fulfill your partner's needs? I am afraid it will come down to one or the other and you had better damn well choose her.
Confession # 2645
The "appointment" is this Wednesday..I don't wanna do this. I wouldn't mind just running the hell away and keeping this baby. I want this baby..I wish it wasn't yours so I could keep it. I hate that once I told you, you were so adamant on doing this..you didn't even think about it..Like you don't care..
I know you love me..that isn't the case but I hate this..all of it. And I HATE HER..I don't know her and I don't wanna meet her..I would tackle her (And THAT'S Not hormones)..I'm fine with you dating her and Me..But Still...Don't you understand that it hurts to know that if she gets pregnant..She can keep it? She can be your wife, the mother of your children. I can't. and I can bet you if she got pregnant you'd be happy...
I have So much doubt in this relationship and I've never been like this with any other boyfriend..What the hell is wrong with me? Why do i keep trying to make this work? I wanna hit you sometimes..and scream..but I don't walk away, because you kiss me and I can see your love for me in your eyes..And it's ok again.
Almost 100 pounds lighter than I was a year and a half ago..and I feel uglier than ever...
Confession # 2646
I find your furry body to be amazingly sexy. Yes, some women don't like all that body hair, but I absolutely love it. It turns me on more than any other aspect of your body. Running my fingers through it, rubbing my face across it, just looking at it -- damn, but you are one sexy man. I'm a lucky lady!
Confession # 2647
You can be rougher with me during sex. I keep telling you and you are getting better about not treating me like a doll that will break. I LOVE when you just FUCK me.
Confession # 2648
You really should have been more interested in my life. While we were seperated last time I was messing around with my ex. The one I left for you. I really regret ever leaving him. Now that I have your kids, he doesn't want to "break up a home". It isn't much of a home is it. I'm divorcing you because you stink and have horrible hygiene in general. Your unibrow makes me want to hurl. The way you scrape the gunk out of your toenails when I try to have a conversation with you makes me want to stab you with the paper clip you use! Now that I am getting rid of you, I will no longer have to deal with my stuff being pooped on, or ejaculated on. I can have sex with all the attractive guys I want to now. HA!
Confession # 2649
I got home a lot earlier than you today and I said I'd pack for our weekend away. I still haven't done it. When you get home I'll be at my computer, working on stuff for the office, and I will sigh and tell you I got derailed by my boss. What was I really doing for most of the afternoon? Reading porn in my PJs while eating popcorn. And chatting with our neighbour about the cute shit her kid does.
I'll still do the packing, but it's much more fun to do it when you're in the house, even if you're not helping in any way. And really, if I'd got it all done earlier, I would have missed out on reading porn in my PJs, cause I can't exactly do that while you're about.
Confession # 2650
Yeah, I made the mistake of slowing my husband down when he was "in the mood" yesterday - because he went straight for my crotch. That didn't go over too well.
Honey - when you wonder why I'm not "in the mood", it's because you don't know what a mood is. I tried to tell you nicely that other parts of my body respond to caressing - my neck, throat, knees and more - not just my crotch which feels unprepared for your clumsy assault. And kissing? I used to miss it, but really, you just don't kiss that well anymore. I'd like to change that. really I would. It might be fun trying and I might be in the mood more. Just a thought.
You asked me a while back how much pot I smoke. I smoke every night you're at band rehearsal.
So, four times a week. Five if I've had to lead a Brownie troop meeting.
But I get the coffee pot set up the night before, keep the house clean, pay all our bills, make lunches, get the kids to school, lead the Brownies, play with our children and keep our house a happy place for you and the kids. I enjoy my tokes. Shut up about it already.
Confession # 2642
Truth is I'm terrified of ending up like you. You are one of the most negative people I know. You don't like any of our friends, you don't like our family, there's always something wrong, you always expect things to go wrong. I can feel my mood dropping as I approach home each day. It's so hard to stay positive for both of us and I just can't do it anymore. You're right, your life sucks...but only because you make it that way. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Guess what! It's about to suck even more because I'm getting the hell out of this funeral parlor. You have finally managed to push everyone out of your life.
Confession # 2643
Honey, I love you. I really do. But I hate having sex with you. It's terrible. Years ago, I sacrificed great sex for a great man. I tell you that I just don't like sex. That I must have lost my sex drive when I had the baby. I tell you that it will pass. I tell you that we just have to keep having sex and eventually it will come back to me. But the truth is, I do like sex. I just don't like sex with you. That's why when he emailed me today, I thought about having an affair. I really REALLY enjoyed sex with him. But then I remembered why I married you. And the great sex wouldn't be worth losing you. But I do wonder how I will live the rest of my life and never have an amazing sex life again.
Confession # 2644
Yes, I am angry with you. I'm angry because you never asked me. Never mind that it was a non-issue that your daughter is coming to live with us because her mother is - well - not doing her job. Of course she can come, but you did not ask me. You did not discuss living arrangements, or school, or how we're going to pay for anything with me. That shows me, yet again, how much you take me for granted. You do not treat me like your partner. You treat me like some little girl who can't think for herself. You assume that everything here is "ours" - (including my notebooks, but that's another rant). My asking your opinion is me trying to include you, not me asking you to do it for me, so don't get angry. And then when you say you will do something you do not keep your word. How is this going to affect your daughter who, as you just now told me, is coming from a "messed up place"? Her entire security system has just failed and you expect to be able to function as her father when you can't even fulfill your partner's needs? I am afraid it will come down to one or the other and you had better damn well choose her.
Confession # 2645
The "appointment" is this Wednesday..I don't wanna do this. I wouldn't mind just running the hell away and keeping this baby. I want this baby..I wish it wasn't yours so I could keep it. I hate that once I told you, you were so adamant on doing this..you didn't even think about it..Like you don't care..
I know you love me..that isn't the case but I hate this..all of it. And I HATE HER..I don't know her and I don't wanna meet her..I would tackle her (And THAT'S Not hormones)..I'm fine with you dating her and Me..But Still...Don't you understand that it hurts to know that if she gets pregnant..She can keep it? She can be your wife, the mother of your children. I can't. and I can bet you if she got pregnant you'd be happy...
I have So much doubt in this relationship and I've never been like this with any other boyfriend..What the hell is wrong with me? Why do i keep trying to make this work? I wanna hit you sometimes..and scream..but I don't walk away, because you kiss me and I can see your love for me in your eyes..And it's ok again.
Almost 100 pounds lighter than I was a year and a half ago..and I feel uglier than ever...
Confession # 2646
I find your furry body to be amazingly sexy. Yes, some women don't like all that body hair, but I absolutely love it. It turns me on more than any other aspect of your body. Running my fingers through it, rubbing my face across it, just looking at it -- damn, but you are one sexy man. I'm a lucky lady!
Confession # 2647
You can be rougher with me during sex. I keep telling you and you are getting better about not treating me like a doll that will break. I LOVE when you just FUCK me.
Confession # 2648
You really should have been more interested in my life. While we were seperated last time I was messing around with my ex. The one I left for you. I really regret ever leaving him. Now that I have your kids, he doesn't want to "break up a home". It isn't much of a home is it. I'm divorcing you because you stink and have horrible hygiene in general. Your unibrow makes me want to hurl. The way you scrape the gunk out of your toenails when I try to have a conversation with you makes me want to stab you with the paper clip you use! Now that I am getting rid of you, I will no longer have to deal with my stuff being pooped on, or ejaculated on. I can have sex with all the attractive guys I want to now. HA!
Confession # 2649
I got home a lot earlier than you today and I said I'd pack for our weekend away. I still haven't done it. When you get home I'll be at my computer, working on stuff for the office, and I will sigh and tell you I got derailed by my boss. What was I really doing for most of the afternoon? Reading porn in my PJs while eating popcorn. And chatting with our neighbour about the cute shit her kid does.
I'll still do the packing, but it's much more fun to do it when you're in the house, even if you're not helping in any way. And really, if I'd got it all done earlier, I would have missed out on reading porn in my PJs, cause I can't exactly do that while you're about.
Confession # 2650
Yeah, I made the mistake of slowing my husband down when he was "in the mood" yesterday - because he went straight for my crotch. That didn't go over too well.
Honey - when you wonder why I'm not "in the mood", it's because you don't know what a mood is. I tried to tell you nicely that other parts of my body respond to caressing - my neck, throat, knees and more - not just my crotch which feels unprepared for your clumsy assault. And kissing? I used to miss it, but really, you just don't kiss that well anymore. I'd like to change that. really I would. It might be fun trying and I might be in the mood more. Just a thought.
Monday, September 01, 2008
True Wife Confessions 264 summer memories
Confession # 2631
Please fuck me. Please. I keep having sex dreams about our male friends and assorted celebrities and looking at the men at work and thinking things I don't want to be thinking. I want you. Just you. I don't know what is going on or why you don't seem interested. Nothing I do seems to help so I'm just about to give up. Everything else in our marriage is going well. It's just this one thing that is driving me crazy. It's been a month. Please Please Please. Please. Seriously. Dude. Have sex with your wife.
Confession # 2632
I love you and our daughter more than anyone in the world. The two of you are the only family I have. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, no matter what it took. But I'm not your first love - alcohol is. You are a functioning alcoholic, so that gives you an excuse to deny that you really need to quit. You refuse rehab or any other form of help, and I can't make you change. Your brother was an AA counselor before he died, and even he knew that he couldn't help you because you didn't want to quit. I know he was your best friend and that his death only further fueled your desire to drink. I know a lot of people have mistreated you in your life, and that you had to grow up very quickly. I know a lot of things haven't worked out like you wanted them to, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could change things for you, but I can't. But my main objective now is for our daughter to have a good life. You're a great father when you're not drinking or recovering from a hangover. You're never physically abusive. But she sees you drunk two or three times a week, and you are often very short-tempered with her. And you are very critical of me and demeaning when you are drunk. She's only two, but she knows what's going on. She knows that all you do is drink and then sleep for days, that you never want to go anywhere or do anything. For three years I've made excuses as to why I should stay with you. I swore I was committed to you, no matter what. And I would have been. But I just can't put you before her. I'm scared she's going to think that all men are like you. I don't want her childhood to be this way. And I don't want my life to be this way. I want you to be happy and healthy, and to be with someone you truly love and want to marry. But now I know I'm not that person. I'm not going to wait any longer. I'm not going to jeopardize my daughter's childhood and mental well-being even though I love you deeply. My stomach is sick and my heart is sore and I can't stop shaking. I know I will constantly worry about whether or not you're alright, whether you're eating properly or have taken your medicine or have drank yourself to death. I know that our daughter will cry and ask for you, and that you will desperately miss her. I don't want to go. But it's over. You are my best friend and the love of my life. But it's over.
Confession # 2633
I haven't enjoyed sex this much with anyone, ever. We try so many different things, both of us "bounce" ideas off one another without judgment. That's the way it should be! We went to the park the other day, wandering, found a tree. A hidden tree. Next thing you know I find myself holding myself up, hanging from two tree limbs, legs wrapped around your waist, you are pumping me hard, kissing, sucking my tongue, my GOD could you get any more hotter? I mean if you do I think I would just implode!
Confession # 2634
I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown yesterday!
And you don't even know what you are doing to me....or you don't care.
I will no longer be passive to you. I love you too much to let this all fall apart with out you at least being aware of what you are doing. pushing me away from you more and more everyday with your attitude.
I love you more than life itself!! And it scares me to think about life without you but I cannot let you make me the miserable person that you have become.
I will stand up to you next time, and if it causes end of 13 years together, then maybe it's time!!
Confession # 2635
I asked if you were growing less and less attracted to me last night, in the dark. And you sighed painfully and said, "I love you." So that was my answer.
I'm an ugly cow. I know it. My fat gut hangs over my waistband and my face looks like an ugly, scowly potato. That's not your fault. It's not your fault you don't want to make love to me.
But I do blame you, right or wrong, that I can't feel safe putting my future in your hands, wagering me and the baby's security and comfort on you being able to get a better job that you so blithely insist you'll achieve in a year or two. This one doesn't support us. I mean, it could. Families can live on $1800 a month. But we are only able to have the things we have, like our little house, because of my inheritance.
I know I eat out too much and it wastes money. But that is the only thing I spend on. That is my comfort, improper as it may be. All me and the baby's clothes, almost all her toys, are from Goodwill. I haven't bought a book or something because it just pleased me in years. No, I did buy that half-off body wash. I thought maybe I could start feeling prettier by doing little things. You got mad. "This is why we can't get ahead!" you said. My car is 12 years old and it is my car, yours broke down and you were frightened to fix it.
It's my money, too. From my own account.
I don't have faith that you will achieve and follow through. Because you haven't done any version of that, not really, in the ten years I've known you. Any sentence you start with, "I'm gonna..." I must disregard. Because you won't. Whether it's feed the cat or make a friend or become a nurse or go to law school. You won't do anything you're not forced to do or shamed into doing. I'm so tired of forcing. I feel so dead and sad when the hope that maybe this time you will has to be smashed.
I'm going to have to get a job and take care of us. That wasn't the deal when we got married, but tough. I was wrong about you. You were pretending and I was eating it up. If I want something, I'm responsible for making it happen. I can't keep blaming you.
I love you. I love you because you are kind and seldom add to my hurting. Because you are smart and interesting. I hate myself endlessly more than I even dislike you. You are a good man who is very damaged.
I don't know what to do now. I'm so sad and worried. I don't know how to succeed by myself with a baby under my arm. I'm such a fuck up. I'm on my own.
Please don't ever find this.
Confession # 2636
I want to know how all the "other" people do it. They stay home with their children, are off shopping, eating out, and spending money all the time. Their husbands work at jobs that pay the same or less. Yet here we are, you working overtime so that I can work only 1 day a week and be home with the girls. But since we did that, every penny has to be counted, stretched, and figured out. I spend so much time agonizing over the bills. Trying to figure them out so that everything is payed and we still have a tad left over to live on. And enough for whatever you might buy along the week. Because you feel you "deserve it" because you work so much. And you do deserve it. But we don't have it. We make about 80K a year, have minimal bills, much less than our friends, yet it seems like we are on the verge of going under and everyone else is fine. I would love to see their checkbooks. I would love it if they were in debt up to their eyeballs. Thats so mean of me, but its true. I hope all those perfect moms with perfect outfits going to gymboree to buy their perfect kid clothes are drowning in debt.
Confession # 2637
When we ended it, I was so relieved I thought I would cry with happiness. I waited until you left to let it out. I do not regret for one minute that this shitty marriage is ending. I am scared for our son though. You are a mean sonofabitch to him and I fear we will have words in the future over how you treat him. He is too sweet and too precious for you to break him with your fucked up ways.
Confession # 2638
I said no too. I screamed and cried no. I cried and I cried and I cried and I fought, and he just kept on. But it doesn't matter, because I stayed with him for years afterwards. So it must have not been that bad right? I think a part of my soul died in that moment and the rest of it died when I stayed, but I stayed, so it doesn't matter. I left now, but I can't ever get back that part of me that died. It doesn't fucking matter that I stayed! It doesn't make it hurt any less that he was my boyfriend and the father of my children. none of that changes the years of panic attacks, anxiety, and mental hell I've been through because of what he did to me. but I did stay, so no one cares. It's not a real rape if he's your boyfriend and your childrens father. It's not a real rape if you stay, for years. If I was going to feel this pain, I'd rather a stranger had done it. At least then I would have the love and support of my family and friends. I want to have what he took from me back, and I never will. I shit you not, he raped me after I told him I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares and struggling about being molested as a child. I wanted a hug...I wanted a "it'll be okay"...I wanted someone to make me feel human again and not the disgusting piece of shit I felt like....and instead I was raped. And in that moment, I learned that I wasn't even strong enough to protect myself as an adult. when I was a kid, i had no choice.....as an adult, I let it happen. I didn't stop it. I didn't fight hard enough. I didn't yell for help. I didn't do anything but lay there and die. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for that, and I hate myself for staying. I left, but god that shit hurts, all these years later.
Confession # 2639
OMG I hate you!!!!! Why won't you stop moving and look me in the eye? Are you still cheating? Do you hate yourself, or me, that much, that you find fault in everyone and everything else? I am ready to call it quits. I can honestly say, going home alone without the kids for a few days is stressing me out!! Stop moving and look at me......
Confession # 2640
I say I love you, and I do...what I don't tell you is I am no longer in love with you. I have never cheated on you but I can't say the thought hasn't been there. Our sex life is a joke. No matter how much I try to tell you what feels good and what doesn't, you don't pay attention and do the exact same things every time. I get more pleasure when it is just me and my toys. The only reason I haven't left you is there's no way I can financially. As soon as I am able to finish school and get a good job, I am gone unless there have been major changes. No more putting up with your passive-aggressive shit and thinking the only thing you have to do to show you love me is tell me 10 billion times a day. Haven't you heard actions speak louder than words?? Get off your ass, get a job and take some of the pressure off me. Quit taking me for granted. The fact you do laundry is wonderful...however that fact alone is not a marriage saver.
Please fuck me. Please. I keep having sex dreams about our male friends and assorted celebrities and looking at the men at work and thinking things I don't want to be thinking. I want you. Just you. I don't know what is going on or why you don't seem interested. Nothing I do seems to help so I'm just about to give up. Everything else in our marriage is going well. It's just this one thing that is driving me crazy. It's been a month. Please Please Please. Please. Seriously. Dude. Have sex with your wife.
Confession # 2632
I love you and our daughter more than anyone in the world. The two of you are the only family I have. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, no matter what it took. But I'm not your first love - alcohol is. You are a functioning alcoholic, so that gives you an excuse to deny that you really need to quit. You refuse rehab or any other form of help, and I can't make you change. Your brother was an AA counselor before he died, and even he knew that he couldn't help you because you didn't want to quit. I know he was your best friend and that his death only further fueled your desire to drink. I know a lot of people have mistreated you in your life, and that you had to grow up very quickly. I know a lot of things haven't worked out like you wanted them to, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could change things for you, but I can't. But my main objective now is for our daughter to have a good life. You're a great father when you're not drinking or recovering from a hangover. You're never physically abusive. But she sees you drunk two or three times a week, and you are often very short-tempered with her. And you are very critical of me and demeaning when you are drunk. She's only two, but she knows what's going on. She knows that all you do is drink and then sleep for days, that you never want to go anywhere or do anything. For three years I've made excuses as to why I should stay with you. I swore I was committed to you, no matter what. And I would have been. But I just can't put you before her. I'm scared she's going to think that all men are like you. I don't want her childhood to be this way. And I don't want my life to be this way. I want you to be happy and healthy, and to be with someone you truly love and want to marry. But now I know I'm not that person. I'm not going to wait any longer. I'm not going to jeopardize my daughter's childhood and mental well-being even though I love you deeply. My stomach is sick and my heart is sore and I can't stop shaking. I know I will constantly worry about whether or not you're alright, whether you're eating properly or have taken your medicine or have drank yourself to death. I know that our daughter will cry and ask for you, and that you will desperately miss her. I don't want to go. But it's over. You are my best friend and the love of my life. But it's over.
Confession # 2633
I haven't enjoyed sex this much with anyone, ever. We try so many different things, both of us "bounce" ideas off one another without judgment. That's the way it should be! We went to the park the other day, wandering, found a tree. A hidden tree. Next thing you know I find myself holding myself up, hanging from two tree limbs, legs wrapped around your waist, you are pumping me hard, kissing, sucking my tongue, my GOD could you get any more hotter? I mean if you do I think I would just implode!
Confession # 2634
I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown yesterday!
And you don't even know what you are doing to me....or you don't care.
I will no longer be passive to you. I love you too much to let this all fall apart with out you at least being aware of what you are doing. pushing me away from you more and more everyday with your attitude.
I love you more than life itself!! And it scares me to think about life without you but I cannot let you make me the miserable person that you have become.
I will stand up to you next time, and if it causes end of 13 years together, then maybe it's time!!
Confession # 2635
I asked if you were growing less and less attracted to me last night, in the dark. And you sighed painfully and said, "I love you." So that was my answer.
I'm an ugly cow. I know it. My fat gut hangs over my waistband and my face looks like an ugly, scowly potato. That's not your fault. It's not your fault you don't want to make love to me.
But I do blame you, right or wrong, that I can't feel safe putting my future in your hands, wagering me and the baby's security and comfort on you being able to get a better job that you so blithely insist you'll achieve in a year or two. This one doesn't support us. I mean, it could. Families can live on $1800 a month. But we are only able to have the things we have, like our little house, because of my inheritance.
I know I eat out too much and it wastes money. But that is the only thing I spend on. That is my comfort, improper as it may be. All me and the baby's clothes, almost all her toys, are from Goodwill. I haven't bought a book or something because it just pleased me in years. No, I did buy that half-off body wash. I thought maybe I could start feeling prettier by doing little things. You got mad. "This is why we can't get ahead!" you said. My car is 12 years old and it is my car, yours broke down and you were frightened to fix it.
It's my money, too. From my own account.
I don't have faith that you will achieve and follow through. Because you haven't done any version of that, not really, in the ten years I've known you. Any sentence you start with, "I'm gonna..." I must disregard. Because you won't. Whether it's feed the cat or make a friend or become a nurse or go to law school. You won't do anything you're not forced to do or shamed into doing. I'm so tired of forcing. I feel so dead and sad when the hope that maybe this time you will has to be smashed.
I'm going to have to get a job and take care of us. That wasn't the deal when we got married, but tough. I was wrong about you. You were pretending and I was eating it up. If I want something, I'm responsible for making it happen. I can't keep blaming you.
I love you. I love you because you are kind and seldom add to my hurting. Because you are smart and interesting. I hate myself endlessly more than I even dislike you. You are a good man who is very damaged.
I don't know what to do now. I'm so sad and worried. I don't know how to succeed by myself with a baby under my arm. I'm such a fuck up. I'm on my own.
Please don't ever find this.
Confession # 2636
I want to know how all the "other" people do it. They stay home with their children, are off shopping, eating out, and spending money all the time. Their husbands work at jobs that pay the same or less. Yet here we are, you working overtime so that I can work only 1 day a week and be home with the girls. But since we did that, every penny has to be counted, stretched, and figured out. I spend so much time agonizing over the bills. Trying to figure them out so that everything is payed and we still have a tad left over to live on. And enough for whatever you might buy along the week. Because you feel you "deserve it" because you work so much. And you do deserve it. But we don't have it. We make about 80K a year, have minimal bills, much less than our friends, yet it seems like we are on the verge of going under and everyone else is fine. I would love to see their checkbooks. I would love it if they were in debt up to their eyeballs. Thats so mean of me, but its true. I hope all those perfect moms with perfect outfits going to gymboree to buy their perfect kid clothes are drowning in debt.
Confession # 2637
When we ended it, I was so relieved I thought I would cry with happiness. I waited until you left to let it out. I do not regret for one minute that this shitty marriage is ending. I am scared for our son though. You are a mean sonofabitch to him and I fear we will have words in the future over how you treat him. He is too sweet and too precious for you to break him with your fucked up ways.
Confession # 2638
I said no too. I screamed and cried no. I cried and I cried and I cried and I fought, and he just kept on. But it doesn't matter, because I stayed with him for years afterwards. So it must have not been that bad right? I think a part of my soul died in that moment and the rest of it died when I stayed, but I stayed, so it doesn't matter. I left now, but I can't ever get back that part of me that died. It doesn't fucking matter that I stayed! It doesn't make it hurt any less that he was my boyfriend and the father of my children. none of that changes the years of panic attacks, anxiety, and mental hell I've been through because of what he did to me. but I did stay, so no one cares. It's not a real rape if he's your boyfriend and your childrens father. It's not a real rape if you stay, for years. If I was going to feel this pain, I'd rather a stranger had done it. At least then I would have the love and support of my family and friends. I want to have what he took from me back, and I never will. I shit you not, he raped me after I told him I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares and struggling about being molested as a child. I wanted a hug...I wanted a "it'll be okay"...I wanted someone to make me feel human again and not the disgusting piece of shit I felt like....and instead I was raped. And in that moment, I learned that I wasn't even strong enough to protect myself as an adult. when I was a kid, i had no choice.....as an adult, I let it happen. I didn't stop it. I didn't fight hard enough. I didn't yell for help. I didn't do anything but lay there and die. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for that, and I hate myself for staying. I left, but god that shit hurts, all these years later.
Confession # 2639
OMG I hate you!!!!! Why won't you stop moving and look me in the eye? Are you still cheating? Do you hate yourself, or me, that much, that you find fault in everyone and everything else? I am ready to call it quits. I can honestly say, going home alone without the kids for a few days is stressing me out!! Stop moving and look at me......
Confession # 2640
I say I love you, and I do...what I don't tell you is I am no longer in love with you. I have never cheated on you but I can't say the thought hasn't been there. Our sex life is a joke. No matter how much I try to tell you what feels good and what doesn't, you don't pay attention and do the exact same things every time. I get more pleasure when it is just me and my toys. The only reason I haven't left you is there's no way I can financially. As soon as I am able to finish school and get a good job, I am gone unless there have been major changes. No more putting up with your passive-aggressive shit and thinking the only thing you have to do to show you love me is tell me 10 billion times a day. Haven't you heard actions speak louder than words?? Get off your ass, get a job and take some of the pressure off me. Quit taking me for granted. The fact you do laundry is wonderful...however that fact alone is not a marriage saver.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Three Hundred and Sixty Five
I love this idea and have asked Sarah to be a part of it - some of you may be interested as well. Dawn
Hello TWC Readers
My name is Sarah and I am doing a project called the 365 Project, it consists of women who have committed to come together and chronicle their lives through 1 picture a day for 365 days. These will all come together on a blog that I have created for this venture.
I am looking for more women who would be interested in participating. The more women the more beautiful the project.
If you are interested or would like to know more please email me at....
picturesandpie@gmail.com
Participation will be open until August 31st at midnight, we start our 365 on September 1st.
Sarah
Hello TWC Readers
My name is Sarah and I am doing a project called the 365 Project, it consists of women who have committed to come together and chronicle their lives through 1 picture a day for 365 days. These will all come together on a blog that I have created for this venture.
I am looking for more women who would be interested in participating. The more women the more beautiful the project.
If you are interested or would like to know more please email me at....
picturesandpie@gmail.com
Participation will be open until August 31st at midnight, we start our 365 on September 1st.
Sarah
Monday, August 25, 2008
True Wife Confessions Episode 6
Confession #051
I hate your family. Really.
I hate most of your friends, too.
Confession #052
You know those work boots that you loved and made me move from house to house because they were in such good condition? I threw them out when you weren't looking. And come to think of it, you haven't looked for them for some time, so that proves that you didn't really need to keep them in the first place!
Confession #053
You know how I tell you to roll over when you snore? Sometimes when I am pissed off with you I tell you to roll over even when you are not snoring just so I can watch you mindlessly obey me.
Confession #054
Of course I'm sometimes hungry when we stop by your parents house, but I'll never be able to eat anything from that nasty kitchen.
Confession #055
When I talk about writing my blog and you wave me off with a dismissive sigh? Makes me want to put my foot in your ass.
Confession #056
I will divorce you for leaving wet towels on my quilts. I'm not kidding. I will also cite leaving the toilet paper roll empty, coffee grounds in the filter, and your shoes in every damn place you can.
Confession #057
Getting angry when I cry is NOT the way to comfort me. I'm SAD, I'm UPSET. Being pissed off at me doesn't ease those feelings. Just let me cry and get it over with. I can be reasonable after that! Just look sympathetic and say nothing.
Confession #058
You didn't get a present for Father's Day because you didn't give me a present for Mother's Day. You aren't getting a birthday present either because when mine rolled around you didn't do squat for me.
Confession #059
I want to hire people to mow our lawn because you do such a half-assed job, but I don't want to deprive you of the pleasure of doing your only household chore.
Confession #060
I know that the great "Adding Bleach to my Work Clothes" fiasco of 1995 was your way of insuring I would never allow you to do my laundry again. Mission Accomplished, Chief.
I hate your family. Really.
I hate most of your friends, too.
Confession #052
You know those work boots that you loved and made me move from house to house because they were in such good condition? I threw them out when you weren't looking. And come to think of it, you haven't looked for them for some time, so that proves that you didn't really need to keep them in the first place!
Confession #053
You know how I tell you to roll over when you snore? Sometimes when I am pissed off with you I tell you to roll over even when you are not snoring just so I can watch you mindlessly obey me.
Confession #054
Of course I'm sometimes hungry when we stop by your parents house, but I'll never be able to eat anything from that nasty kitchen.
Confession #055
When I talk about writing my blog and you wave me off with a dismissive sigh? Makes me want to put my foot in your ass.
Confession #056
I will divorce you for leaving wet towels on my quilts. I'm not kidding. I will also cite leaving the toilet paper roll empty, coffee grounds in the filter, and your shoes in every damn place you can.
Confession #057
Getting angry when I cry is NOT the way to comfort me. I'm SAD, I'm UPSET. Being pissed off at me doesn't ease those feelings. Just let me cry and get it over with. I can be reasonable after that! Just look sympathetic and say nothing.
Confession #058
You didn't get a present for Father's Day because you didn't give me a present for Mother's Day. You aren't getting a birthday present either because when mine rolled around you didn't do squat for me.
Confession #059
I want to hire people to mow our lawn because you do such a half-assed job, but I don't want to deprive you of the pleasure of doing your only household chore.
Confession #060
I know that the great "Adding Bleach to my Work Clothes" fiasco of 1995 was your way of insuring I would never allow you to do my laundry again. Mission Accomplished, Chief.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
True Wife Confessions Act V
Confession #041
I'm tired of our lives revolving around the projects you have going on at work. I hate that we can't even plan something on a Sunday because you usually have to do some work that weekend. Why don't you grow a pair and tell your clients "no, I can't work on Sunday. I want to spend time with my child and wife." You certainly have no problem telling your child and wife "No. I can't spend time with you on Sunday. I need to call the client and do a few hours of work."
Confession #042
We've been married for 25 years and I've contemplated leaving you for 23 of them. I stay for the security.
Confession #043
You know how you tell everyone that raw garlic gives you a migraine? I cook with it all the time when you are not looking, and you never get a headache!
Confession #044
You work really hard honey and so do I, BUT because I no longer work outside the home, you and others, think I don't have a 'real job'. So when you sometimes bring home cash and shove it in your sock drawer, I occassionally take $100 bill because you never notice one missing now and again. I figure since I have to turn your smelly work socks right side out to wash them, I deserve it!
Confession #045
When you ask me how much money I have on me at any given time, I'm lying through my teeth. If you ask, and I say that I have $10, I really have closer to $30. If I say that I have no money, it usually means I have about 5 bucks. When you ask how much money we have in the bank, I usually tell you $200 less than what we actually have.
I do this so that you don't bleed us dry financially buy purchasing even more DVDs and assorted guy-crap.
Confession #046
When I want to go out with a girlfriend, last minute, and you happen to have last minute plans as well, I act as though I told you weeks earlier, so I get my way. Half the time you don't listen to me anyway, or you forget about plans, so my convincing act always gets me out of the house.
Confession #047
It's very sweet that you want to build things around
the house and make carpentry repairs and such. I'm
down with letting you feel all manly if that's what it
takes. But honey, this sort of thing is not one of
those skills you have just because you are blessed
with a Y chromosome. If you don't know how to build
it or fix it, just say so! We can hire someone who
can do it right, who won't screw it up or make it look
totally half-assed! Dude, that treehouse...!
Confession #048
If I want you to wear a particular item of clothing for a certain event, then I simply place said item of clothing within easy reach. You will, without fail, wear the pants on the top of the pile, or the shirt that is hanging just within arm's reach. Much easier than fighting with you about wearing that godawful orange linen shirt AGAIN!
Confession #049
Rinsing your mouth with Listerine is not the same as brushing your teeth.
Confession #50
Sometimes I pretend I am not feeling well after a long day at work just so that you will take the kids to their activities. I just want to stay home and read my book.
I'm tired of our lives revolving around the projects you have going on at work. I hate that we can't even plan something on a Sunday because you usually have to do some work that weekend. Why don't you grow a pair and tell your clients "no, I can't work on Sunday. I want to spend time with my child and wife." You certainly have no problem telling your child and wife "No. I can't spend time with you on Sunday. I need to call the client and do a few hours of work."
Confession #042
We've been married for 25 years and I've contemplated leaving you for 23 of them. I stay for the security.
Confession #043
You know how you tell everyone that raw garlic gives you a migraine? I cook with it all the time when you are not looking, and you never get a headache!
Confession #044
You work really hard honey and so do I, BUT because I no longer work outside the home, you and others, think I don't have a 'real job'. So when you sometimes bring home cash and shove it in your sock drawer, I occassionally take $100 bill because you never notice one missing now and again. I figure since I have to turn your smelly work socks right side out to wash them, I deserve it!
Confession #045
When you ask me how much money I have on me at any given time, I'm lying through my teeth. If you ask, and I say that I have $10, I really have closer to $30. If I say that I have no money, it usually means I have about 5 bucks. When you ask how much money we have in the bank, I usually tell you $200 less than what we actually have.
I do this so that you don't bleed us dry financially buy purchasing even more DVDs and assorted guy-crap.
Confession #046
When I want to go out with a girlfriend, last minute, and you happen to have last minute plans as well, I act as though I told you weeks earlier, so I get my way. Half the time you don't listen to me anyway, or you forget about plans, so my convincing act always gets me out of the house.
Confession #047
It's very sweet that you want to build things around
the house and make carpentry repairs and such. I'm
down with letting you feel all manly if that's what it
takes. But honey, this sort of thing is not one of
those skills you have just because you are blessed
with a Y chromosome. If you don't know how to build
it or fix it, just say so! We can hire someone who
can do it right, who won't screw it up or make it look
totally half-assed! Dude, that treehouse...!
Confession #048
If I want you to wear a particular item of clothing for a certain event, then I simply place said item of clothing within easy reach. You will, without fail, wear the pants on the top of the pile, or the shirt that is hanging just within arm's reach. Much easier than fighting with you about wearing that godawful orange linen shirt AGAIN!
Confession #049
Rinsing your mouth with Listerine is not the same as brushing your teeth.
Confession #50
Sometimes I pretend I am not feeling well after a long day at work just so that you will take the kids to their activities. I just want to stay home and read my book.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
True Wife Confessions Volume 4
Confession #031
I knew the food you were cooking was going to burn that time. I didn't
tell you because it bugs the crap out of me that you "cook" by putting
things in a pan and going upstairs to surf the Internet, expecting me to
watch it.
Confession #032
I get so pissed at you, dear spouse, when you are late for dinner because you've been out running with your buddies. Yes, I know I tell you how I agree that your running should be a priority, it's important to get exercise, blah blah blah. But I've been with the kids all day, the baby is screaming for dinner, and I don't give a shit if you develop a pot belly because you're not getting your run in after work. Get your ass home ON TIME!
Confession #033
You kiss like a fish drowning. I don't know who told you to kiss like that, but it is Terrible. I HATE kissing you, which is why I avoid it whenever possible.
Confession #034
Sometimes when I get home from work and I know you have beaten me home,
and I also know that my keys are located somewhere at the bottom of the
abyss that is my bag/pocketbook, I ring the bell and make you come out and
answer the door because I am too tired to be bothered to dig for them.
I'll tell you "I think" I left them in the apartment.
Confession #035
Yes, sometimes when you think I'm helpless and/or clueless as to how to complete a task that gets put off on you, I really know how to do it. Since I cook your dinner and clean up after you after working all day, not to mention cutting the grass when you have to work on weekends, I figure it's your turn to do something besides eat, sleep, play video games, and take a shower at home. Get over it.
Confession #036
I will tell you we cannot afford something for you and then I'll spend twice
as much on something for me and tell you I've had it all along. You owe me
and aren't smart enough to realize it.
Confession #037
Yes, sometimes I make you pay someone to clean house, but since you're no more gung-ho than I am about washing dishes by hand or scrubbing toilets, don't complain. You get to pay teenage boys when you don't want to mow grass, so either bite my ass or clean it yourself!
Confession #038
When you leave to go to the convenience store that I can see from our back yard, and it takes you 2 hours to come home with whatever I asked you to pick up while you are there, I get this amazing urge to choke the life out of you. Especially if I've sent you after food or drink. If I wanted it in two hours, after it's cold, I'd go get it myself in two hours. Quick fucking around and bring me my caffeine and double bacon cheeseburger, you idiot, before the wrath of my period rains down on you full force!
Confession #039
I find your relationship with your mother disturbingly co-dependent. This
is why I don't tell you when she calls and I erase the voicemails. I've
might have also read the mail she sends you before you do.
Confession #040
Yes, I hear our dogs barking at 5 AM Saturday morning, begging to be put out on the leash, but considering you passed out in your recliner as soon as you ate dinner, leaving me to clean up the kitchen, I figure I get to sleep late. Now get up and take the little yapping bastards outside!
I knew the food you were cooking was going to burn that time. I didn't
tell you because it bugs the crap out of me that you "cook" by putting
things in a pan and going upstairs to surf the Internet, expecting me to
watch it.
Confession #032
I get so pissed at you, dear spouse, when you are late for dinner because you've been out running with your buddies. Yes, I know I tell you how I agree that your running should be a priority, it's important to get exercise, blah blah blah. But I've been with the kids all day, the baby is screaming for dinner, and I don't give a shit if you develop a pot belly because you're not getting your run in after work. Get your ass home ON TIME!
Confession #033
You kiss like a fish drowning. I don't know who told you to kiss like that, but it is Terrible. I HATE kissing you, which is why I avoid it whenever possible.
Confession #034
Sometimes when I get home from work and I know you have beaten me home,
and I also know that my keys are located somewhere at the bottom of the
abyss that is my bag/pocketbook, I ring the bell and make you come out and
answer the door because I am too tired to be bothered to dig for them.
I'll tell you "I think" I left them in the apartment.
Confession #035
Yes, sometimes when you think I'm helpless and/or clueless as to how to complete a task that gets put off on you, I really know how to do it. Since I cook your dinner and clean up after you after working all day, not to mention cutting the grass when you have to work on weekends, I figure it's your turn to do something besides eat, sleep, play video games, and take a shower at home. Get over it.
Confession #036
I will tell you we cannot afford something for you and then I'll spend twice
as much on something for me and tell you I've had it all along. You owe me
and aren't smart enough to realize it.
Confession #037
Yes, sometimes I make you pay someone to clean house, but since you're no more gung-ho than I am about washing dishes by hand or scrubbing toilets, don't complain. You get to pay teenage boys when you don't want to mow grass, so either bite my ass or clean it yourself!
Confession #038
When you leave to go to the convenience store that I can see from our back yard, and it takes you 2 hours to come home with whatever I asked you to pick up while you are there, I get this amazing urge to choke the life out of you. Especially if I've sent you after food or drink. If I wanted it in two hours, after it's cold, I'd go get it myself in two hours. Quick fucking around and bring me my caffeine and double bacon cheeseburger, you idiot, before the wrath of my period rains down on you full force!
Confession #039
I find your relationship with your mother disturbingly co-dependent. This
is why I don't tell you when she calls and I erase the voicemails. I've
might have also read the mail she sends you before you do.
Confession #040
Yes, I hear our dogs barking at 5 AM Saturday morning, begging to be put out on the leash, but considering you passed out in your recliner as soon as you ate dinner, leaving me to clean up the kitchen, I figure I get to sleep late. Now get up and take the little yapping bastards outside!
Friday, August 08, 2008
True Wife Confessions Chapter 3
Confession #021
I don't like my husband's coffee either. I pour it down the sink when he labors over a mocha for me
Confession #022
When you piss me off, I use your face wash cloth to wash my lower lady area
and than put it back in it's place where it belongs. Then I smile inwardly
the next morning when you're washing the sleep from your eyes.
Confession #023
One your day off, when you leave the dirty dishes in the sink for me to
wash when I get home from work, I really want to bash your head in with
the frying pan you used to make bacon.
oh, and your pants do not look good when you wear them pulled up to your
chin.
Confession #024
My Paul Smith sunglasses cost $250. NOT the $100 you
thought you heard me say.
When you asked me how much they cost, I actually said,
“One hundred dollars.” And then whispered, “...more
than I wanted to spend.”
Confession #025
When you go out of town, I throw away all the clothes that don't fit you anymore that I think are ugly or out of style. I've been doing this for years and you've never caught on.
Confession #026
Of course I know the baby has pooped her diaper right before I leave the room and breezily suggest that she hasn't been changed in awhile. Do you think I can't SMELL?
Confession #027
Yes, I know that you like go hunting after work. I know that you like to play in the basement with all your power tools after work. But? I totally resent the fact that you have changed precisely twelve poopy diapers in fourteen months because you're either hunting or in the basement. I know that I don't go to work, so I don't have that stress. But, have you seen our daughter? You don't know what stress is, buddy. I resent the fact that you can sleep through nothing except her screaming. I resent the fact that even though I'm the one with her all the damn time, it's your name that she repeats at various volume levels.
Confession #028
I don't like your mom as much as I say I do. I think she's a controlling perfectionist and is part of the reason your sister is so dysfunctional.
Confession #029
After 10 years of being together, I still hope that you will learn how to make me orgasm one day.
Confession #030
Your bizarre fear of white creamy foods is so frustrating to me that I frequently stir yogurt, sour cream or mayonnaise into whatever I'm cooking for dinner just to watch you eat it with gusto when you don't actually know it's there
I don't like my husband's coffee either. I pour it down the sink when he labors over a mocha for me
Confession #022
When you piss me off, I use your face wash cloth to wash my lower lady area
and than put it back in it's place where it belongs. Then I smile inwardly
the next morning when you're washing the sleep from your eyes.
Confession #023
One your day off, when you leave the dirty dishes in the sink for me to
wash when I get home from work, I really want to bash your head in with
the frying pan you used to make bacon.
oh, and your pants do not look good when you wear them pulled up to your
chin.
Confession #024
My Paul Smith sunglasses cost $250. NOT the $100 you
thought you heard me say.
When you asked me how much they cost, I actually said,
“One hundred dollars.” And then whispered, “...more
than I wanted to spend.”
Confession #025
When you go out of town, I throw away all the clothes that don't fit you anymore that I think are ugly or out of style. I've been doing this for years and you've never caught on.
Confession #026
Of course I know the baby has pooped her diaper right before I leave the room and breezily suggest that she hasn't been changed in awhile. Do you think I can't SMELL?
Confession #027
Yes, I know that you like go hunting after work. I know that you like to play in the basement with all your power tools after work. But? I totally resent the fact that you have changed precisely twelve poopy diapers in fourteen months because you're either hunting or in the basement. I know that I don't go to work, so I don't have that stress. But, have you seen our daughter? You don't know what stress is, buddy. I resent the fact that you can sleep through nothing except her screaming. I resent the fact that even though I'm the one with her all the damn time, it's your name that she repeats at various volume levels.
Confession #028
I don't like your mom as much as I say I do. I think she's a controlling perfectionist and is part of the reason your sister is so dysfunctional.
Confession #029
After 10 years of being together, I still hope that you will learn how to make me orgasm one day.
Confession #030
Your bizarre fear of white creamy foods is so frustrating to me that I frequently stir yogurt, sour cream or mayonnaise into whatever I'm cooking for dinner just to watch you eat it with gusto when you don't actually know it's there
Monday, July 28, 2008
True Wife Confession 263 Buffalo Gals
Confession #2621
I know you didn't have to come back this morning and "take care of" that (huge, disgusting, prehistoric) roach in my classroom this morning. And I know you really, really, really didn't want to! I wasn't expecting you to come, I TOLD you it was okay, that I would figure out how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, because roaches make me gag even when I don't have morning sickness, and just looking at this one made me throw up! And then there you were, my hero! No one could have a better husband than you; I can't think of anything you wouldn't do for me, no matter how annoying or trivial. And you don't think I'm a spoiled brat because I wanted my big strong man to come deal with a bug, that is the crazy part. I love you! Thanks a million!!
Confession #2622
You look really hot in you new Utilikilt.
I think you should wear it all the time.
Confession #2623
There are many times that you drive me crazy. Like stick a fork in your jugular crazy. But when the shit hits the fan, you have my back 100 %. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Confession #2624
Our marriage is dying and you don't seem to hear the death knoll. We almost divorced years ago but I agreed to stay and work it out. I sought counseling, I prayed, I rediscovered my passions, and tried to better myself. And you have stayed the same. When I am home you spend the whole evening on the computer or watch television or even play with the dogs...anything but spend time with me. I put up with it for the past few years and continued to live my life, accepting our marriage as is. But now, I think I may be falling in love with another man. And still you do nothing! Do you know how hard it is for me to stay faithful to you? After all the crying and begging and nagging, you still have not changed and stay closed off to me. When I ask for what I need, you will deny me, no matter what the request. Though you will move mountains for your friends and family, you "trust" me enough to give me crumbs and to lash out at me when you are unhappy. Even when you encourage my dreams, it is always with an addendum of how you will profit from them as you proudly brag that you want me to be the "sugar mama". I feel like all you want is for me to sit quietly and be at your call to have sex with you when you want stress relief or to take care of you like a mother. I am giving up and I know if I stop putting forth the effort, this marriage will suffocate since I've been putting forth all the effort so far. I am truly and deeply sorry, my darling. I loved you once and my only wish was for us to be happy together. You are a good man and I hope one day you will be able to find the woman that makes you want to open up and love without limitations. Obviously, that woman is not me.
Confession #2625
Im going to state a fact that i have never stated before........I WAS RAPED!
I never said it before because i always thought that it was my fault or that i remembered it wrong.....but the more i am in therapy for something completly diffrent the more i realize that IT WASNT MY FAULT AND IM NOT REMEMBERING IT WRONG....I FUCKING SAID NO DAMNIT! who cares if i was too drunk to walk away or to put up a fight. I was 19 years old, I was drunk....and you drove me home....SHAME ON YOU FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME! SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS THE SLUT, SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE EVEN THOUGH I SAID NO I WANTED IT ANYWAY!
Why havent I said anything before this you may ask.....I didnt want my husband or my family to think of me as "tainted" and yes in a way i did feel like it was my fault, i was flirting with him and i was drunk, maybe i asked for it!
So there i finally said it I WAS RAPED.....AND NO I DIDNT DESERVE IT!!!
However i think i may keep this inside for a little while longer before telling my husband...or for that matter my therapist! It scares the shit out of me!
Confession #2626
It's great that you want to buy a house for us, but I'd rather you bought me a ring.
Confession #2627
I may sound crazy but hubby, you will never believe it wen i say dat I get off by fantasizing you masturbating or fucking another younger woman.
It turns me on in such a pervasive way tat when i found out abt yr affair wif a younger, sexy girl, I was shocked and amazed. Hurt, yes, but amazed dat my fantasy is now a REALITY,.
I hate you but I can never confess to u openly dat I have been having orgasms picturing you fucking another lady and loving it!!
Confession #2628
Well after 14 years of marriage I did it. I slept with another man. I have no guilt, no fear of getting caught. Do I love him? No, but he gives me what I need. Somehow over the past 5 years my husband has lost his stamina and I got tired. I find myself pondering why I'm still married. I honestly believe it is just easier to stay and get what I need elsewhere. I can only say what I believe and in my heart of hearts I deserved this and needed this. It was so worth it..he put it on me! I feel secure in this so called relationship I'm having with this other man. Funny thing about it he is married too. This is such a dangerous game, this I know. However I life is so short and if I deserve to be happy. If this man can do that for me then to me it is so worth it.
Confession #2629
I am curious about sex. My husband and I have only ever been with each other because of our religious beliefs so my experience is limited. I see on movies and sitcoms that men can orgasm over and over and have sex multiple times, one right after another. Once my husband cums...that's it. We would have to at least a few hours before he's ready to try again. Sometimes I find it frustrating because I'm often ready to go again while he conks out. Even when he wants to try again...nothing happens until he's had a break. I wonder if this is normal or if it's just something that I'm not doing right.
Confession #2630
I am so disappointed in myself. And so jealous of her. We are the same age. We both graduated from high school the same year, went to college and both have a bachelor's degree. She makes $50,000 a year and I make $14.00 an hour. I feel like a failure. That should be me. I'm just as smart, just as capable as her. The difference? I have 2 kids. The position she was given over me requires her to travel 75% of the time. I am not in a position to do that because of my children. I cannot be away from home for extended periods of time and overnight. I love my children so much...so why do I resent them and feel like they are holding me back from a promotion? When I see her in the office (she has an office with a door and I work FOR her from a cubicle), I feel insufficient. I doubt myself. She is going on to get her master's. I can barely afford $200 a week in daycare, I can't even consider going back to school. She immediately got a job in her field of study after college and has 7+ years experience. Me? I worked at a zoo, then for a graphics company, then I had a baby and another baby. Now that I actually have a job relevant to my degree I have zero experience. If I hadn't married young, if I hadn't started a family so soon, if I had chosen a career path and stuck to it - I could be where she is. My husband has a good job, but does not even have a college education and he makes $20 an hour. My self esteem is in the toilet. I know I can't compare the joy of having two beautiful, healthy children to having a career, but I will be fully honest and say I wish I was where she is instead of where I am. And I get even more depressed about feeling that way.
I know you didn't have to come back this morning and "take care of" that (huge, disgusting, prehistoric) roach in my classroom this morning. And I know you really, really, really didn't want to! I wasn't expecting you to come, I TOLD you it was okay, that I would figure out how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, because roaches make me gag even when I don't have morning sickness, and just looking at this one made me throw up! And then there you were, my hero! No one could have a better husband than you; I can't think of anything you wouldn't do for me, no matter how annoying or trivial. And you don't think I'm a spoiled brat because I wanted my big strong man to come deal with a bug, that is the crazy part. I love you! Thanks a million!!
Confession #2622
You look really hot in you new Utilikilt.
I think you should wear it all the time.
Confession #2623
There are many times that you drive me crazy. Like stick a fork in your jugular crazy. But when the shit hits the fan, you have my back 100 %. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Confession #2624
Our marriage is dying and you don't seem to hear the death knoll. We almost divorced years ago but I agreed to stay and work it out. I sought counseling, I prayed, I rediscovered my passions, and tried to better myself. And you have stayed the same. When I am home you spend the whole evening on the computer or watch television or even play with the dogs...anything but spend time with me. I put up with it for the past few years and continued to live my life, accepting our marriage as is. But now, I think I may be falling in love with another man. And still you do nothing! Do you know how hard it is for me to stay faithful to you? After all the crying and begging and nagging, you still have not changed and stay closed off to me. When I ask for what I need, you will deny me, no matter what the request. Though you will move mountains for your friends and family, you "trust" me enough to give me crumbs and to lash out at me when you are unhappy. Even when you encourage my dreams, it is always with an addendum of how you will profit from them as you proudly brag that you want me to be the "sugar mama". I feel like all you want is for me to sit quietly and be at your call to have sex with you when you want stress relief or to take care of you like a mother. I am giving up and I know if I stop putting forth the effort, this marriage will suffocate since I've been putting forth all the effort so far. I am truly and deeply sorry, my darling. I loved you once and my only wish was for us to be happy together. You are a good man and I hope one day you will be able to find the woman that makes you want to open up and love without limitations. Obviously, that woman is not me.
Confession #2625
Im going to state a fact that i have never stated before........I WAS RAPED!
I never said it before because i always thought that it was my fault or that i remembered it wrong.....but the more i am in therapy for something completly diffrent the more i realize that IT WASNT MY FAULT AND IM NOT REMEMBERING IT WRONG....I FUCKING SAID NO DAMNIT! who cares if i was too drunk to walk away or to put up a fight. I was 19 years old, I was drunk....and you drove me home....SHAME ON YOU FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME! SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS THE SLUT, SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE EVEN THOUGH I SAID NO I WANTED IT ANYWAY!
Why havent I said anything before this you may ask.....I didnt want my husband or my family to think of me as "tainted" and yes in a way i did feel like it was my fault, i was flirting with him and i was drunk, maybe i asked for it!
So there i finally said it I WAS RAPED.....AND NO I DIDNT DESERVE IT!!!
However i think i may keep this inside for a little while longer before telling my husband...or for that matter my therapist! It scares the shit out of me!
Confession #2626
It's great that you want to buy a house for us, but I'd rather you bought me a ring.
Confession #2627
I may sound crazy but hubby, you will never believe it wen i say dat I get off by fantasizing you masturbating or fucking another younger woman.
It turns me on in such a pervasive way tat when i found out abt yr affair wif a younger, sexy girl, I was shocked and amazed. Hurt, yes, but amazed dat my fantasy is now a REALITY,.
I hate you but I can never confess to u openly dat I have been having orgasms picturing you fucking another lady and loving it!!
Confession #2628
Well after 14 years of marriage I did it. I slept with another man. I have no guilt, no fear of getting caught. Do I love him? No, but he gives me what I need. Somehow over the past 5 years my husband has lost his stamina and I got tired. I find myself pondering why I'm still married. I honestly believe it is just easier to stay and get what I need elsewhere. I can only say what I believe and in my heart of hearts I deserved this and needed this. It was so worth it..he put it on me! I feel secure in this so called relationship I'm having with this other man. Funny thing about it he is married too. This is such a dangerous game, this I know. However I life is so short and if I deserve to be happy. If this man can do that for me then to me it is so worth it.
Confession #2629
I am curious about sex. My husband and I have only ever been with each other because of our religious beliefs so my experience is limited. I see on movies and sitcoms that men can orgasm over and over and have sex multiple times, one right after another. Once my husband cums...that's it. We would have to at least a few hours before he's ready to try again. Sometimes I find it frustrating because I'm often ready to go again while he conks out. Even when he wants to try again...nothing happens until he's had a break. I wonder if this is normal or if it's just something that I'm not doing right.
Confession #2630
I am so disappointed in myself. And so jealous of her. We are the same age. We both graduated from high school the same year, went to college and both have a bachelor's degree. She makes $50,000 a year and I make $14.00 an hour. I feel like a failure. That should be me. I'm just as smart, just as capable as her. The difference? I have 2 kids. The position she was given over me requires her to travel 75% of the time. I am not in a position to do that because of my children. I cannot be away from home for extended periods of time and overnight. I love my children so much...so why do I resent them and feel like they are holding me back from a promotion? When I see her in the office (she has an office with a door and I work FOR her from a cubicle), I feel insufficient. I doubt myself. She is going on to get her master's. I can barely afford $200 a week in daycare, I can't even consider going back to school. She immediately got a job in her field of study after college and has 7+ years experience. Me? I worked at a zoo, then for a graphics company, then I had a baby and another baby. Now that I actually have a job relevant to my degree I have zero experience. If I hadn't married young, if I hadn't started a family so soon, if I had chosen a career path and stuck to it - I could be where she is. My husband has a good job, but does not even have a college education and he makes $20 an hour. My self esteem is in the toilet. I know I can't compare the joy of having two beautiful, healthy children to having a career, but I will be fully honest and say I wish I was where she is instead of where I am. And I get even more depressed about feeling that way.
Friday, July 18, 2008
So, do ya wanna be a blogger?
Now seeking funny, witty, acerbic, erudite, urbane, caustic peeps to help out on Desperately Seeking...Something
Must not be faint of heart or stomach.
Men, women and any other humans welcome to apply.
Hit me with your best shot at:
balefulregards@gmail.com
or
truewifeconfession@gmail.com
Must not be faint of heart or stomach.
Men, women and any other humans welcome to apply.
Hit me with your best shot at:
balefulregards@gmail.com
or
truewifeconfession@gmail.com
Monday, July 14, 2008
True Wife Confessions 262 pyrrhic victories
Confession #2611
Last night my hubs and I were bringing the laptop into our room so we could watch a "movie" and eat some homemade ice cream. Trying to make it a little more interesting, I put on my sexiest bra and tank-top. When he walked in the room and saw me with my boobs busting out he said, "woah, I thought we were going to watch a movie?"
Guess what the movie was....a frontline documentary on the war....
I didn't want lovin' right then, I was thinking maybe after the "movie." Or perhaps by some SMALL chance he might find me attractive for once and want me more then frontline. I just wanted to be noticed. I stayed in the skimpies long enough to eat my ice cream, but when he didn't look at me the whole time, I changed out and covered up.
He asked, "you changed?" -duh- I was feeling sexy, but that feeling came crashing down when it was apparent you wanted to watch about the war more then you wanted me. I wonder how long it will take me to feel like loving again this time.... and you wonder why I have a hard time initiating sex. you never want it!!!
Confession #2612
I've known you for what feels like my entire life. First we were friends, then we fell out of touch, then we fell in love. We've only been together two years. We've been living together for a year, and we just got a new place. Everything is so perfect, I somehow love you more every day. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You are my best friend, my support, my soul mate. My family and friends think you are perfect. We've talked about marriage and how you know I am the one and someday we will be married and have children. But I feel guilty, because everyday I get more anxious and grow more tired of people asking me "When will you two get married?" "Has he proposed?" "Wait, you moved in with him without a ring?". Instead of enjoying our relationship, I agonize over this stupid proposal and all the white noise. I need to remember that our relationship is wonderful the way it is, and I don't need a ring to prove to myself or anyone else that you and I will be together for the rest of our lives. We'll get there when we get there.
Confession #2613
Two years ago I allowed my dear, sweet, almost perfect husband to sleep with ( well, fuck, really) my cousin. This was my idea and I asked them separately if they would be interested. She was going through a very bad time in her life and needed to feel sexually attractive as well as sexually satisfied. She is a beautiful woman who does not sleep around, and her husband was ignoring her. I love them both so much and trust them both so much. I have never looked back on my decision and my cousin and I are as close as we have ever been. I would never stand for my husband cheating on me but this seemed like something different to me; it was me helping my beloved cousin. We've never skipped a beat since then, and we've never talked about it. It kinda felt like I lent her a really good mechanic, as strange as that may sound. It feels really grown up, to know that I can give my sweet cousin ANYTHING I can to help her and not feel like it has taken anything away from me. And also that my husband can do the same; they are the friends they have always been. This may seem strange to some, but this worked in my family
Confession #2614
Your aunt is the biggest bitch! There I said it. She sent me the nastiest email the other day, implying that I wasn’t grateful enough for the present that #### had made for #####, I said thank you and made sure everyone knew….what the fuck else am I supposed to do…..naked jumping jacks! No one can stand her, everyone talks behind her back about what a mean spirited bitch she is…..and you always think its #### fault for instigating it, well guess what, for once ### is completely innocent. Nothing is ever good enough for your aunt, nothing. And she seems to have absolutely no clue that words can hurt people’s feelings and make them dislike you. I wonder if she even knows that other people have FEELINGS.! She is just bitter. I really think she doesn’t have enough love in her life, she never had children, I think that would have made all the difference, because I know she wanted them but couldn’t and choose not to adopt. I work with a woman that is the same way, she had the desire for bio children and couldn’t, and now that she is in her 50’s she is bitter and mean. I am sick of pretending that I either like or don’t mind spending time with her, cause I don’t even wanna be on the same planet with her.
But the rest of your family I totally love, they are the greatest bunch of people and I’m happy to call them my family! They sure beat the last bunch of in laws I had, my ex-mil would pretend that she didn’t know who I was when I would call her. And my ex-sil told me once that 10 years in the future I would be fat sitting on the coach with no job and a bunch of brats running around me and she would have some great job being a news reporter. Well guess how that turned out, yep, she dropped out of journalism school due to a pregnancy and now sits around the house with a bunch of kids, and I have a wonderful husband, child and a great high paying job. So there bitch, fuck you! HA.
Confession #2615
How sad is it that I was looking forward to going to a funeral just so I could see my ex-co-worker? Since I left that office I think of him more than I think of my husband.
Confession #2616
My sweet angel,
You are the perfect man. I am the luckiest person to have you in my life. I think anyone who doesn't get you or felt the need to leave you behind just doesn't get it. They just don't understand you. And they don't deserve you.
You have a beautiful mind, and heart. I adore you. I can't wait to grow old with you and be next to you every day. I want to have kids with you and a house. YOu make me so happy. I love that I can communicate with you just using my mind. And that I feel the things that you feel, no matter how that is. I love to be with you, no mater how either of us are doing. It's just comforting to know that I have you and you have me.
I love seeing your beautiful face. I love to see you sleep, smile and just look at me. I love the way that you look at me. It gives me butterflies. You have the most beautiful expressive eyes. the most gorgeous, sweet happy smile. I can't tell you how good it feels to touch you or be touched by you. Most of the time, I can't keep my hands off of you. Just seeing a naked body part of yours turns me on. Hell, just being close to you turns me on. I just want to be together with you every minute.
You are everything I could ever imagine wanting in a partner. You are loving, sweet, beautiful, caring. You are amazing. Every minute, I can't wait until the next minute that I can spend with you and touch you and love you.
I hope that we are this in love forever. You are the best thing in the world. Thank you for being my amazing husband. I love you.
Confession #2617
I confess I don't want to be here. After last year and hearing that you 'still loved me, but weren't IN love with me.' I didn't know what to do with myself. It hurt more than I had ever hurt before. I couldn't imagine how anyone could say that to someone. How can you just let something so special get away from you? You never told me you were unhappy or there were things that needed to change. It was just BAM. But, we talked, you said you wanted to be here, we worked on it. We worked hard. At first, it was just me. I felt like a love sick teenager, but i wanted our connection back.
NOW IT'S MY TURN. You took and took and took. You are back to the person that 'fell out of love in the first place. There's no wonder. You 'said' it was because I was being mean. Well, now that I have been watching things closely, I see how it goes. You are completely retarded socially, emotionally. Right near psychotic. If you don't agree with why I am upset or what my need is, then it doesn't exist.
I don't know how much more I can handle. I have tried to teach you how society does things for each other. How not to put too much on yourself. We've talked and talked about what our needs are. I've got to the point where I don't care. I am just angry now. It's been 11 years.
LISTEN. DO SOMETHING. Stop making up excuses. Stop being so lazy. MAKE ME A PRIORITY.
I don't fuss, bitch or anything. We do things your way now. Take your stupid mid day naps. Leave me alone with our kid. We don't mind each other. We just wish you liked us enough to spend that time with us...but NO. It's too hot, or too cold, or too slow, or too....
PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTIES ON AND SUCK IT UP.
Confession #2618
I never use to be the jealous type until I met and fell head over heels in love with you. I'm not even sure why I'm now the jealous type. I am very confident with myself so that is not the issue, hell I just did a commercial and training video for a national wide company. I have game - at least I think I do anyway...
I do trust you fully...however, I do not trust the girls that approach you always asking you where I am, are we still together - if she's not treating you right you know where to find me.
They know the only time I'm not out is when my little boy is with me for the weekend and I refuse to get a sitter unlike them - who could care less where their kids are. They don't care though they still approach you even when I am with you for the night - even though we can be out but not joined at your hip for the night.
WTF is that all about? - We've been dating and living together for over 2 years. All you girls see is a good looking guy who has a great job.
So go ahead beotches - keep looking because that's all you'll be doing!
Confession #2619
After my husband and I were married, his uncle (who loves to dig into family history) informed us that we were distantly related - 5th cousins. It has been a nightmare lurking in the back of my mind ever since. His family thinks it's a huge joke and often will bring it up when discussing family skeletons in the closets. We live in a place where this isn't too uncommon but every once and awhile I will dredge up this horrible secret and it just makes me feel sick. There is no way we could have known this information unless we had researched our family trees beforehand. I sometimes wonder what we would have done had we known before we got married. I always try to talk myself out of feeling horrified by it, but it sometimes makes me cringe. I worry that we get along so well because we have similar genes or something like that. I have never been able to talk about it with anyone. Our first daughter was born with disabilities and although we have gone through countless genetic tests with her and the specialists have all been unconcerned with our related status, I still have this paralyzing fear that her disabilities are because of it. Our second daughter was born with no disabilities but this fear is just lurking below the surface.
Confession #2620
I have to be stand up, all the time. I do everything all the time, but not by choice. I didn't want to be the wife of a traveling soldier, I wanted to be your wife. Thats it, so the other day when I was tearing the carburetor of the lawn mower apart, as instructed by my dad over the phone, I really really just wanted you to be home. Not because you know how to do it correctly, cause you don't- its why you don't do home repairs, but just because you would of been sitting on the ground with me agreeing that the part I shouldn't of pulled off- was probably a fuel line.
Or today when friends took our monkey for a play date then asked if they could keep her over night, I could hear her giggling in the back ground and I know they'll treat her well. But now I'm sitting here by myself at 130 in the morning wondering if the fact that I didn't pack her night time cuddle toys is good enough an excuse to get her right now.
There is stuff I could cuss you about, but thats life. Its not a movie and I don't want it to be, cause its all the bad stuff that makes you better then everyone else. Its why I stand beside your choice to let this be your career path, even if we're only really together every other year. I hate to say it, but I don't think that most men could be half the father and husband you are when you aren't in the country and thats pretty sad for them. Just right now, I wish you were home. I wish that the world was more stable and maybe you weren't such a stand up guy. I know that you are really worried about making sure we're taken care of and I don't think anyone would sacrifice themselves as much as you do to make sure that your family is taken care of.
I just wish you were home, I don't have anyone to talk to about the things I talk to you about. I feel like I have to edit myself for my friends because I know if I could talk to them as openly as I do you, I would lose half of them. But I can't say any of this to them, or you. Cause you all depend on me. They all complain about their trivial things and I know in their lives it is important stuff, just to me its like, "you're still breathing, your husband is in your bed," and I can't say that. And I can't tell you that today I wanted to fly monkey to her grand parents and take the rest of the month off and just sell the house and be free for a bit. I know that this is all trivial to you, it has to be, think of where you are. Its why I can't say it. Its why I can't sleep. Its why I want to cry but don't. No, I never wanted to be the wife of a soldier, I just wanted to be your wife.
Last night my hubs and I were bringing the laptop into our room so we could watch a "movie" and eat some homemade ice cream. Trying to make it a little more interesting, I put on my sexiest bra and tank-top. When he walked in the room and saw me with my boobs busting out he said, "woah, I thought we were going to watch a movie?"
Guess what the movie was....a frontline documentary on the war....
I didn't want lovin' right then, I was thinking maybe after the "movie." Or perhaps by some SMALL chance he might find me attractive for once and want me more then frontline. I just wanted to be noticed. I stayed in the skimpies long enough to eat my ice cream, but when he didn't look at me the whole time, I changed out and covered up.
He asked, "you changed?" -duh- I was feeling sexy, but that feeling came crashing down when it was apparent you wanted to watch about the war more then you wanted me. I wonder how long it will take me to feel like loving again this time.... and you wonder why I have a hard time initiating sex. you never want it!!!
Confession #2612
I've known you for what feels like my entire life. First we were friends, then we fell out of touch, then we fell in love. We've only been together two years. We've been living together for a year, and we just got a new place. Everything is so perfect, I somehow love you more every day. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You are my best friend, my support, my soul mate. My family and friends think you are perfect. We've talked about marriage and how you know I am the one and someday we will be married and have children. But I feel guilty, because everyday I get more anxious and grow more tired of people asking me "When will you two get married?" "Has he proposed?" "Wait, you moved in with him without a ring?". Instead of enjoying our relationship, I agonize over this stupid proposal and all the white noise. I need to remember that our relationship is wonderful the way it is, and I don't need a ring to prove to myself or anyone else that you and I will be together for the rest of our lives. We'll get there when we get there.
Confession #2613
Two years ago I allowed my dear, sweet, almost perfect husband to sleep with ( well, fuck, really) my cousin. This was my idea and I asked them separately if they would be interested. She was going through a very bad time in her life and needed to feel sexually attractive as well as sexually satisfied. She is a beautiful woman who does not sleep around, and her husband was ignoring her. I love them both so much and trust them both so much. I have never looked back on my decision and my cousin and I are as close as we have ever been. I would never stand for my husband cheating on me but this seemed like something different to me; it was me helping my beloved cousin. We've never skipped a beat since then, and we've never talked about it. It kinda felt like I lent her a really good mechanic, as strange as that may sound. It feels really grown up, to know that I can give my sweet cousin ANYTHING I can to help her and not feel like it has taken anything away from me. And also that my husband can do the same; they are the friends they have always been. This may seem strange to some, but this worked in my family
Confession #2614
Your aunt is the biggest bitch! There I said it. She sent me the nastiest email the other day, implying that I wasn’t grateful enough for the present that #### had made for #####, I said thank you and made sure everyone knew….what the fuck else am I supposed to do…..naked jumping jacks! No one can stand her, everyone talks behind her back about what a mean spirited bitch she is…..and you always think its #### fault for instigating it, well guess what, for once ### is completely innocent. Nothing is ever good enough for your aunt, nothing. And she seems to have absolutely no clue that words can hurt people’s feelings and make them dislike you. I wonder if she even knows that other people have FEELINGS.! She is just bitter. I really think she doesn’t have enough love in her life, she never had children, I think that would have made all the difference, because I know she wanted them but couldn’t and choose not to adopt. I work with a woman that is the same way, she had the desire for bio children and couldn’t, and now that she is in her 50’s she is bitter and mean. I am sick of pretending that I either like or don’t mind spending time with her, cause I don’t even wanna be on the same planet with her.
But the rest of your family I totally love, they are the greatest bunch of people and I’m happy to call them my family! They sure beat the last bunch of in laws I had, my ex-mil would pretend that she didn’t know who I was when I would call her. And my ex-sil told me once that 10 years in the future I would be fat sitting on the coach with no job and a bunch of brats running around me and she would have some great job being a news reporter. Well guess how that turned out, yep, she dropped out of journalism school due to a pregnancy and now sits around the house with a bunch of kids, and I have a wonderful husband, child and a great high paying job. So there bitch, fuck you! HA.
Confession #2615
How sad is it that I was looking forward to going to a funeral just so I could see my ex-co-worker? Since I left that office I think of him more than I think of my husband.
Confession #2616
My sweet angel,
You are the perfect man. I am the luckiest person to have you in my life. I think anyone who doesn't get you or felt the need to leave you behind just doesn't get it. They just don't understand you. And they don't deserve you.
You have a beautiful mind, and heart. I adore you. I can't wait to grow old with you and be next to you every day. I want to have kids with you and a house. YOu make me so happy. I love that I can communicate with you just using my mind. And that I feel the things that you feel, no matter how that is. I love to be with you, no mater how either of us are doing. It's just comforting to know that I have you and you have me.
I love seeing your beautiful face. I love to see you sleep, smile and just look at me. I love the way that you look at me. It gives me butterflies. You have the most beautiful expressive eyes. the most gorgeous, sweet happy smile. I can't tell you how good it feels to touch you or be touched by you. Most of the time, I can't keep my hands off of you. Just seeing a naked body part of yours turns me on. Hell, just being close to you turns me on. I just want to be together with you every minute.
You are everything I could ever imagine wanting in a partner. You are loving, sweet, beautiful, caring. You are amazing. Every minute, I can't wait until the next minute that I can spend with you and touch you and love you.
I hope that we are this in love forever. You are the best thing in the world. Thank you for being my amazing husband. I love you.
Confession #2617
I confess I don't want to be here. After last year and hearing that you 'still loved me, but weren't IN love with me.' I didn't know what to do with myself. It hurt more than I had ever hurt before. I couldn't imagine how anyone could say that to someone. How can you just let something so special get away from you? You never told me you were unhappy or there were things that needed to change. It was just BAM. But, we talked, you said you wanted to be here, we worked on it. We worked hard. At first, it was just me. I felt like a love sick teenager, but i wanted our connection back.
NOW IT'S MY TURN. You took and took and took. You are back to the person that 'fell out of love in the first place. There's no wonder. You 'said' it was because I was being mean. Well, now that I have been watching things closely, I see how it goes. You are completely retarded socially, emotionally. Right near psychotic. If you don't agree with why I am upset or what my need is, then it doesn't exist.
I don't know how much more I can handle. I have tried to teach you how society does things for each other. How not to put too much on yourself. We've talked and talked about what our needs are. I've got to the point where I don't care. I am just angry now. It's been 11 years.
LISTEN. DO SOMETHING. Stop making up excuses. Stop being so lazy. MAKE ME A PRIORITY.
I don't fuss, bitch or anything. We do things your way now. Take your stupid mid day naps. Leave me alone with our kid. We don't mind each other. We just wish you liked us enough to spend that time with us...but NO. It's too hot, or too cold, or too slow, or too....
PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTIES ON AND SUCK IT UP.
Confession #2618
I never use to be the jealous type until I met and fell head over heels in love with you. I'm not even sure why I'm now the jealous type. I am very confident with myself so that is not the issue, hell I just did a commercial and training video for a national wide company. I have game - at least I think I do anyway...
I do trust you fully...however, I do not trust the girls that approach you always asking you where I am, are we still together - if she's not treating you right you know where to find me.
They know the only time I'm not out is when my little boy is with me for the weekend and I refuse to get a sitter unlike them - who could care less where their kids are. They don't care though they still approach you even when I am with you for the night - even though we can be out but not joined at your hip for the night.
WTF is that all about? - We've been dating and living together for over 2 years. All you girls see is a good looking guy who has a great job.
So go ahead beotches - keep looking because that's all you'll be doing!
Confession #2619
After my husband and I were married, his uncle (who loves to dig into family history) informed us that we were distantly related - 5th cousins. It has been a nightmare lurking in the back of my mind ever since. His family thinks it's a huge joke and often will bring it up when discussing family skeletons in the closets. We live in a place where this isn't too uncommon but every once and awhile I will dredge up this horrible secret and it just makes me feel sick. There is no way we could have known this information unless we had researched our family trees beforehand. I sometimes wonder what we would have done had we known before we got married. I always try to talk myself out of feeling horrified by it, but it sometimes makes me cringe. I worry that we get along so well because we have similar genes or something like that. I have never been able to talk about it with anyone. Our first daughter was born with disabilities and although we have gone through countless genetic tests with her and the specialists have all been unconcerned with our related status, I still have this paralyzing fear that her disabilities are because of it. Our second daughter was born with no disabilities but this fear is just lurking below the surface.
Confession #2620
I have to be stand up, all the time. I do everything all the time, but not by choice. I didn't want to be the wife of a traveling soldier, I wanted to be your wife. Thats it, so the other day when I was tearing the carburetor of the lawn mower apart, as instructed by my dad over the phone, I really really just wanted you to be home. Not because you know how to do it correctly, cause you don't- its why you don't do home repairs, but just because you would of been sitting on the ground with me agreeing that the part I shouldn't of pulled off- was probably a fuel line.
Or today when friends took our monkey for a play date then asked if they could keep her over night, I could hear her giggling in the back ground and I know they'll treat her well. But now I'm sitting here by myself at 130 in the morning wondering if the fact that I didn't pack her night time cuddle toys is good enough an excuse to get her right now.
There is stuff I could cuss you about, but thats life. Its not a movie and I don't want it to be, cause its all the bad stuff that makes you better then everyone else. Its why I stand beside your choice to let this be your career path, even if we're only really together every other year. I hate to say it, but I don't think that most men could be half the father and husband you are when you aren't in the country and thats pretty sad for them. Just right now, I wish you were home. I wish that the world was more stable and maybe you weren't such a stand up guy. I know that you are really worried about making sure we're taken care of and I don't think anyone would sacrifice themselves as much as you do to make sure that your family is taken care of.
I just wish you were home, I don't have anyone to talk to about the things I talk to you about. I feel like I have to edit myself for my friends because I know if I could talk to them as openly as I do you, I would lose half of them. But I can't say any of this to them, or you. Cause you all depend on me. They all complain about their trivial things and I know in their lives it is important stuff, just to me its like, "you're still breathing, your husband is in your bed," and I can't say that. And I can't tell you that today I wanted to fly monkey to her grand parents and take the rest of the month off and just sell the house and be free for a bit. I know that this is all trivial to you, it has to be, think of where you are. Its why I can't say it. Its why I can't sleep. Its why I want to cry but don't. No, I never wanted to be the wife of a soldier, I just wanted to be your wife.
Monday, July 07, 2008
True Wife Confessions 261 mosquito bites
Confession #2601
Dear (soon to be) Husband,
I'm lying here, recovering from the migraine that struck last night, marveling at how absolutely amazing you are. I woke you up early on your day off to grab something for me, and you didn't complain. I asked you to run and get food, snacks, and medicine, and you didn't complain. You came home, asked if it were okay to run around this afternoon with your brother-in-law, kissed me, and have texted me all day to check in and let me know you love me.
I can be an angry bitch sometimes, and I SUCK at housekeeping, but you put up with me, day in and day out, with a smile. There are times I wish you would be more affectionate outside the bedroom, but you let me know in so many other ways how much you love and value me, that it becomes less of an issue every day.
I have a stronger sex drive than you. We both know it, and you only occasionally tease me about how many batteries I go through. Here's my confession: I tried to fantasize about someone else, once, while playing with myself after work. I felt like I was cheating, and couldn't get off until I switched my fantasy back to you. Yes, sometimes I include other people, or things you wouldn't or don't like to do, but your face is always at the forefront of my dirtiest desires. And you often play those out for me in bed. I still want and need you, and can't imagine ever sleeping in this bed without you (except on nights when you toss and turn and snore, and go sleep on the sofa with out me asking, just to make sure I sleep).
You are the most incredible, loving, caring man.
Thank you :)
Confession #2602
I've been on the road five days now with our three kids in a minivan, taking them to visit extended family. I miss having someone to hand the kids off to at regular intervals, but other than that I am much happier without you.
Confession #2603
I'm a 44 yr. white woman and I have hair on my nipples. Now this may not be shocking but what is,is that normally in the past I'd get one every now and then and I'd just pluck them but now I swear I have to check and pluck every day! WTF? Is this normal because I'm getting older? I'm a blonde with very sparse fine white hair on my arms, white eyebrows, very little leg hair and yet I am plagued by course, dark hairs on my nipples and belly. This is driving me mad and I don't want to talk to my GF's about it because I'm afraid it's just me! Is this a white woman thing or do all women of all races deal with this? What, if anything, can be done about it?
Thanks Girls!!
Confession #2604
I need passion. I need to feel like someone wants me so much that they just might die. I need someone to tell me that I mean everything in the world to them and that in their eyes I am the most beautiful amazing women to ever walk the earth.
I love you with all my heart, but you NEVER compliment me unless I directly ask you to, or unless we are having sex. You are wonderful, and you treat me well, but I need some kind of romance. It would be nice to once in a while feel pretty, or smart, or talented.
The books I read, the shows and movies I watch, the music I listen to, it's all filled with passion, romance, anger, sadness, anything that's completely strong because that is what I am missing. But I want it for real, not just in some fantasy world.
If you can't even find one specific thing to tell me you love about me then what does that say about me?
Confession #2605
The simple truth is that I do love you, but your behavior hurts me and I don't know if it's worth it any more to hang in there and wait for this issue to pass. I don't know if I want to stay in hopes that we work things out. I don't know if I even want to try.
Confession #2606
Your decision to give me the silent treatment may be giving you great satisfaction, but it is helping me realize that I can live quite happily without talking with you. If you never come back to my bed, I think that is all right. 1
Confession #2607
Sometimes I want to call your ex-wife and ask her why she divorced you, just to see if you did the same stupid shit to her that you do to me.
Confession #2608
I am trying very hard to forgive you, but you keep showing bits of the behaviors I don't want to be around anymore. I am not sure how to explain it to you because I know you are trying, but I am not sure how far I can go with all of this. Honey, this is bad, real bad because when I look at you all I see are the choices you made in the past and not the man I want to be with. Anyway, I love you but I am not sure if I want to be with you. Let's enjoy the holiday and try not to yell the whole time because we can't see eye to eye on the kids, the dog the bbq or anything at all right now.
Confession #2609
Maybe your inability to get an erection does mean something is wrong between us.
Confession #2610
Thank you for giving in to my desire to adopt this rabbit. I know that animals aren't your thing, and it horrifies you that this rabbit is living in our bedroom, with a giant bunny litterbox....but thank you.
Dear (soon to be) Husband,
I'm lying here, recovering from the migraine that struck last night, marveling at how absolutely amazing you are. I woke you up early on your day off to grab something for me, and you didn't complain. I asked you to run and get food, snacks, and medicine, and you didn't complain. You came home, asked if it were okay to run around this afternoon with your brother-in-law, kissed me, and have texted me all day to check in and let me know you love me.
I can be an angry bitch sometimes, and I SUCK at housekeeping, but you put up with me, day in and day out, with a smile. There are times I wish you would be more affectionate outside the bedroom, but you let me know in so many other ways how much you love and value me, that it becomes less of an issue every day.
I have a stronger sex drive than you. We both know it, and you only occasionally tease me about how many batteries I go through. Here's my confession: I tried to fantasize about someone else, once, while playing with myself after work. I felt like I was cheating, and couldn't get off until I switched my fantasy back to you. Yes, sometimes I include other people, or things you wouldn't or don't like to do, but your face is always at the forefront of my dirtiest desires. And you often play those out for me in bed. I still want and need you, and can't imagine ever sleeping in this bed without you (except on nights when you toss and turn and snore, and go sleep on the sofa with out me asking, just to make sure I sleep).
You are the most incredible, loving, caring man.
Thank you :)
Confession #2602
I've been on the road five days now with our three kids in a minivan, taking them to visit extended family. I miss having someone to hand the kids off to at regular intervals, but other than that I am much happier without you.
Confession #2603
I'm a 44 yr. white woman and I have hair on my nipples. Now this may not be shocking but what is,is that normally in the past I'd get one every now and then and I'd just pluck them but now I swear I have to check and pluck every day! WTF? Is this normal because I'm getting older? I'm a blonde with very sparse fine white hair on my arms, white eyebrows, very little leg hair and yet I am plagued by course, dark hairs on my nipples and belly. This is driving me mad and I don't want to talk to my GF's about it because I'm afraid it's just me! Is this a white woman thing or do all women of all races deal with this? What, if anything, can be done about it?
Thanks Girls!!
Confession #2604
I need passion. I need to feel like someone wants me so much that they just might die. I need someone to tell me that I mean everything in the world to them and that in their eyes I am the most beautiful amazing women to ever walk the earth.
I love you with all my heart, but you NEVER compliment me unless I directly ask you to, or unless we are having sex. You are wonderful, and you treat me well, but I need some kind of romance. It would be nice to once in a while feel pretty, or smart, or talented.
The books I read, the shows and movies I watch, the music I listen to, it's all filled with passion, romance, anger, sadness, anything that's completely strong because that is what I am missing. But I want it for real, not just in some fantasy world.
If you can't even find one specific thing to tell me you love about me then what does that say about me?
Confession #2605
The simple truth is that I do love you, but your behavior hurts me and I don't know if it's worth it any more to hang in there and wait for this issue to pass. I don't know if I want to stay in hopes that we work things out. I don't know if I even want to try.
Confession #2606
Your decision to give me the silent treatment may be giving you great satisfaction, but it is helping me realize that I can live quite happily without talking with you. If you never come back to my bed, I think that is all right. 1
Confession #2607
Sometimes I want to call your ex-wife and ask her why she divorced you, just to see if you did the same stupid shit to her that you do to me.
Confession #2608
I am trying very hard to forgive you, but you keep showing bits of the behaviors I don't want to be around anymore. I am not sure how to explain it to you because I know you are trying, but I am not sure how far I can go with all of this. Honey, this is bad, real bad because when I look at you all I see are the choices you made in the past and not the man I want to be with. Anyway, I love you but I am not sure if I want to be with you. Let's enjoy the holiday and try not to yell the whole time because we can't see eye to eye on the kids, the dog the bbq or anything at all right now.
Confession #2609
Maybe your inability to get an erection does mean something is wrong between us.
Confession #2610
Thank you for giving in to my desire to adopt this rabbit. I know that animals aren't your thing, and it horrifies you that this rabbit is living in our bedroom, with a giant bunny litterbox....but thank you.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
True Wife Confessions 260 Franklin Magic square
Confession #2591
You’ve been working so much lately. It’s been really difficult for me to deal with. But getting those flowers you sent, just because you miss me, made me realize why I’m with you.
Thanks for the reminder of why I love you sweetie.
Confession #2592
I am very glad that you all, my college friends are doing so well. I am glad you are all so happily married and have such great high-paying jobs. I really am. You are my friends and I want all of you to be happy but DAMN would it kill any of you to show a little consideration for me, the single mom in the group, when we make plans to get together? Last Fall I had to beg, borrow and steal (okay not really steal) to scrape up the $$ for my share of that mountain cabin we rented for our reunion weekend, but it was worth it. We all had a great time and our children really hit it off. I am way to proud to tell you to your faces that I had to pack pb&j sandwiches for lunch, sit home weekends when I didn’t have my children, and borrow money from my mother to make that happen. My thoughts were that if all of you can afford a really nice place with lots of amenities, it would not be fair of me to ask you to slum it to accommodate me. Now you are talking about doing the same thing this Fall and I have a big decision to make. Weighing into this balance are my two children who have already begun to ask when we are going back because we did have a great time. That is not really the reason for this rant, although it does add to my angst.
What really pisses me off is this weekend. We were all getting together for a cookout this weekend and the host of the cookout said anyone who needs to spend the night is welcome. Since I have to drive the farthest (3 hours one way) I kind of figured that offer was extended to me specifically. So we make the plans exchanging lots of emails over the course of a couple of weeks, almost 2 months ago. 1 month ago we get an email from one family backing out but the rest of us are all still on. Then I don’t hear anything for a month so I send out an email “Hey guys! Can’t wait for this weekend. Let me know if I can bring anything!” The email I get back is from our hosts saying “Oh gosh. Sorry. More people backed out and now M has a business trip so we have to cancel the overnight thing but hey why don’t we do lunch Sunday!” WHAT? Do you seriously expect me to take a 6 year-old and a 7 year-old on a 6 hour round trip in the middle of summer with gas $4.00 a gallon for LUNCH! I can’t even describe to you what a hell trip that would be, but I don’t have to because you have kids so you already know. Now I have two children who were looking forward to a sleep-over at their friends’ house who have to be told it is cancelled. One of them, in particular, is going to be heartbroken. How is it that you don’t get that? And all of it I could understand. Shit happens…except I get the idea that it didn’t just happen this week. How long have you known about the change in plans. Was I talking to my kids about this weekend and getting them all excited about it after you decided to uninvite us? I think so. And I would usually be the last to put words into someone else’s mouth, but I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I can just take the kids somewhere else this weekend to make this up to them. WRONG! I can not afford a replacement trip that will come anywhere near making them forget about the one they were looking forward to. I am a single mom. I have gone back to school so I can get a job that will allow me to take better care of my family on my own. Just because I don’t complain about my finances does not mean they are not an issue.
You know, it is not just you guys, but this was really the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am so sick and tired and emotionally exhausted from dealing with people whose word means nothing. Am I the only person left on the planet who considers their word to be their bond? If I say I am going to do something, I fucking do it! If circumstances beyond my control prevent me from doing it (and how often does that ever really happen?) I do everything in my power to make it right for the people I have disappointed. And what really sucks is that in my children’s eyes I am the one who let them down. I am the one who promised an awesome weekend and didn’t deliver. Know what? I just made up my mind. We are not going to the mountains this fall. My children will be sorry to miss time with their friends but I doubt you are raising them to be any more considerate than you are, so maybe we will all be better off.
Confession #2593
Im having an affair.....something I never thought I would do. Everyday I want to touch and look and feel something. I search for a way to be better at my marriage.........to be happier - but whoever said we were supposed to be happy every day in our marriages? SO back to this affair........I do this everyday when I come home from work - I am completely focused on this one thing and cant help but feel like I am cheating.........I am having an affair with my PC. It has taken over my life somehow and it now takes more of my time then anything else...........I am constantly looking, searching, reading, posting, blogging. Maybe it comes from my husband playing video games all the time..........I dont know..............but I dont like it..........then again how else am I going to feel anything.........
Confession #2594
I have a broken foot and you keep telling me I have to stay off it to get better. I stopped working, The kids are away, and I am reading my book, now at the computer and you are out riding your motorcycle and are mad at me because I wouldn't go with you to walk around the carfest. Are you OK?? Oh yeah and what do I make for dinner asshole?
Confession #2595
Last weekend youre friends went out drinking and got into a bar fight.
You didnt go, but yesterday you tell me "if i would have gone i would have gotten in a fight and gone to jail"
What the fuck.
At that very moment i lost so much respect for you.
I thought that since i'm pregnant you had gotten past that whole "macho" immature bullshit.
youre having a kid for gods sake.
youre going to be a FATHER.
Cut the childish crap!!!
I know everyone has told me to prepare for "the worst"
I was at first, but i've been on cloud nine the last few weeks that i hadn't thought about it at all.
well nice way of bringing me back done to earth.
I have to think now that they're is ALWAYS a possibility of me having to do this on my own.
and to make matters worse,
ever since we got the joint bank account, i've been having insufficient fees every single month!!!
stop spending my money!!!!!!
youre putting me in more debt than what i need asshole.
how the hell can i save up money for the baby if im paying $200 worth of bank fees???!!!!
Confession #2596
So you finally got your child support situation straightened out. Finally. Looks like your daughter, even though she's going on 22, is determined to get the money out of you anyway, since she comes by every week asking for money. She only stays long enough to get the money, she never calls, and she didn't even get you a Father's Day card. But she came the next day asking for gas money, even though she said she'd just been out to eat. She knows I cook every night, but that's not good enough for her. Her new outfit, new hairdo, and new manicure and pedicure were cute too. Guess she has money for some things. (Too bad I get my shit from WalMart and thrift stores.) Then she comes by a week later wanting money to go eat out at a fancy restaurant. She makes minimum wage and can't keep a job. She has no business living so freaking luxuriously. But you gave her the money again. Even though I had just cooked fried chicken, rice&gravy, biscuits, snap beans & potatoes, and a buttermilk poundcake for Sunday dinner. Apparently that's not good enough either. I'm less than a decade older than her, and I doubt she is thrilled about that, but I've never been anything but freaking NICE AS HELL to her. You and her mom had been divorced for eight years, and you never had any contact with her mom, so it's not like I stole you from anyone.... And I hate that she is so critical of our daughter, who is only 2. She rarely sees her, but when she does she bosses her around or criticizes everything - she can't ride a bike yet, she doesn't go to a good enough daycare, her shirt has a few spots of juice on it (even though it's 7 p.m. and I'm about to give her a bath).... She just gets on my nerves SO BAD...and through gritted teeth I just let it all slide. It hurts me that she is such a shitty and careless daughter to you, even though you have always tried to be a good dad to her. It's not your fault her mother is psycho. It's funny because I thought that even though you were a good bit older than me and you had been divorced and had a daughter, at least the daughter was over eighteen and I didn't have to worry about all the step-parent/childsupport/etc. drama. Boy was I wrong. We have so many bills, including extremely high daycare costs, your prescriptions, doctor bills, insurance...and tons more...and I try to be so careful with money. But then here she comes with her hand stuck out, wearing her new Gap jeans and holding her brand new cell phone (a different one every other month, no joke), and new rims on her car, designer sunshades, eating out every meal.... Why do I bother? Maybe this weekend I'll take our baby to the movies (she's never even been) and out to eat somewhere and maybe buy her a new outfit somewhere besides WalMart.
Confession #2597
I've come to terms that you do not love me. I don't think you have for a while now. I think on some level, whether you realize it or not, you're actually still trying to get back at me for my mistakes. I know I fucked up and cheated. I went to another man when I should've gone to you. I get that, I admitted to it, and I did everything I could to make up for it. You had me believing that going through with the divorce was my punishment, fair and square. I accepted that. You claimed you forgave me and weren't holding the past against me anymore. But yet, for the past few years, you've strung me along in a manner that makes me wonder if you are indeed trying to get back at me for that brief year. C'mon, it's been over 5 years since it happened, over 4 years since our divorce was finalized. And I let you walk all over me I don't know how many times. Lately, all of the signs of you being "not into" me are there. I kept making excuses for you. YOU kept making excuses. Now I see what they really are - you trying to tell me that you just are not into me and don't want to be with me. You keep bringing up shit that the fucked up ex girlfriend said to you and using her nasty and hateful words as a reason why you can't be with me. I'm getting tired of it.
I'm done. I'm done with you and your excuses, lies, and random bullshit. I'm done being available when you suddenly feel like it. I'm done tripping over myself just to hear you say that you still care. I tell you that I still love you and you can't even bring yourself to admit to anything more than caring. Fuck, you "care" about your female friend. But what about me? What about the woman who stood by you through everything over the past few years? Who tried to help you when you almost lost your house? Who tried to get you to go counseling and then stick with it? I should've known then when you gave all that credit to your female friend despite me being the one who was trying to encourage you for over a year. Who paid some of your bills? Who stepped up to help you with the kids when your family no longer could? I did all that and more. And this is how you repay me? Blowing me off yet again and feeding me some crap about how you supposedly forgot your phone but yet I've never seen you forget it? EVER? I'm done with your bullshit.
And know what's sad? In about a week or so, you'll act like everything is fine and I'll foolishly let you back in. I gotta find strength to tell you to fuck off. Maybe that bitch was right. I'm moving on. I'll find someone who will love me completely and will WANT to be with me. And when I do, I will not be there for you. You're on your own buddy. Don't even come looking for a lay. Fuck you
Confession #2598
Where oh where do I start? Here I am, a year and a half after meeting you, still struggling with the fact that I’m madly in love with you. The worst part of it all… is you continue to lead me on. You keep coming back into my life, just when I start to feel a little separation from you. Why do you do that to me? You are such a self serving fucking ass hole! Like seriously, you know how much hurt you have caused me, you know how much I love and care for you. So you didn’t think that, calling me a couple months of go saying “Baby, I love you so much, I miss you like crazy, things are different now…you will see” would affect me? I have not felt that happy like that, I’m pretty sure ever in my life; ok when I had my kids that is number one; but this was a close second. My heart was racing, I swear I started to sweat, I was smiling ear to ear, and of course the butterflies were going crazy in my tummy. I was on cloud nine when I laid my head down on my pillow that night. Then when we spoke the next day, I confronted you about it, so scared that maybe it was all a dream…but you said that you meant every word. Then the next few weeks go by and not only do I not see you, I don’t even hear from you. Every day that went by a piece of my heart was breaking away!! I get so wrapped up in thinking about you, stressing over you, wanting to be with you and see you, hear your voice that I just go crazy. I want to stop loving you so much. Not seeing you doesn’t stop the feelings. Not talking to you just makes me miss you even more. What can I do to realize I need to stop wasting my time and life waiting on you.
You are the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know this because when I think of us being together I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything or anyone. I haven’t wanted anyone or anything else like this in my life.
If someone can tell me how to forget about you and move on, please, please let me know! You take my love for you for granted and you use it against me. You think that you can treat me like crap, because you know I’ll still love you anyways. You think I will still sleep with you. Well the last time we hung out that was going to be the plan, I wasn’t going to sleep with you! Then when I wanted to be intimate with you, it was you who shot me down! It hurt me like hell, and I’m sorry that at the time I couldn’t be more supportive on what you were dealing with. Which was a big bomb that’s for sure, but I didn’t know what you expected of me. I have done so much changing, I've got a better job, I have lost alot of weight, and I'm looking and feeling my best...and then for you to deny me, I was heartbroken.
We have always had the most amazing and passionate sex, we always feel most connected when we are locked eye to eye, lip to lip. When I kissed you that night, I know it took your breath away as well as my own! You were out of breath and your voice was weak when you asked me, “you ok?” afterwards. I think that’s why you didn’t want to make love to me. You are afraid of those feelings for me coming crashing down on you. Especially when you still have to deal with the drama of your ex. Which brings me to a whole different issue. I am so tired of that stupid fat bitch, I have no idea what you even see in her. She has you so manipulated, it is ridiculous! I am tired of coming second to someone you bitch about so regularly to me!! I have been there for you through so much of that bullshit and what do I get? I am tired of feeling not good enough for you. It was kind of nice telling you that I could probably get bigger and better than you now. You told me I was being an ass hole, and yeah maybe you’re right; but you definitely had it coming! I am tired of giving you my best, and she gets the best from you!!
I just want you to love me back. I pray everyday that we can be together one day. I don’t see other men, or have sex with anyone else because I just want to be with you. I don’t want to ruin my chances and I know you know that, and probably have this big control freak thing going on. Even though you ask me sometimes if I’ve been with anyone else, and when I say no you act disappointed… I know you would hold it against me later.
I dream about you so often, and every time I want to fall right back asleep so I can continue dreaming about being with you. It always feels so real, and even though I know being in a relationship with you would be no cake walk; I would have you; and that’s what would make me happy. I crave those big brown eyes looking at me all dopey like you do, those full soft and kissable lips. I miss having to stand on my tippy toes just to get a kiss. Oh do you kiss so good. I love how you put your hand in my hair to pull my face closer to yours, you grab me around my waist to hold me tighter. I miss our drinks breaks, our Trailer Park Boys marathon nights, all the laugh til your belly hurt times... I miss those days, - - - - - - - .
Lets find happiness together…… love always, me.
Confession #2599
Dear Dearest Dippy.....
Sometimes when im mad at you......I dont need you to try to fix it....I just want to be mad for a while, It doesnt mean I love you any less....its doesnt mean that our marriage is " on the rocks" it means that im human and that I have passionate feelings toward you and its a good thing....yes even anger.....because it means that I still care enough to have those feelings! So When im mad at you don't be to quick to try to make me laugh like you do so often....just let me be mad for a while, I promise you I will eventually get over it, but i need to get over it in my own time....not yours, there are other times when im upset with you that i need you to be compassionate and try to help me with that quickly....I dont expect you to know which time is what so I promise to tell you what i need from you instead of assuming that you can read my mind!
Oh and just as a btw......Thank you from the bottom of my heart for agreeing to go into marriage counseling with me... you will see that that very small act of agreeing to go with me may have very well saved our marriage!
Also thank you for agreeing to stop being friends with xxxxx.....even though she was just a friend to you, she threatened me in so many ways I cant count and the biggest thing with her was that she only wanted to hang out with you WITHOUT ME OR OUR KIDS! I pray that you see that down the road that would have blown up in your face and it was already starting to complicate things in our marriage! Just know that asking you to do that for me was one of the hardest things I think ive ever had to ask of you!
You really are the Love of my life....Yes even when we dont get along even when im so pissed at you that i refuse to sleep in the same room as you....which isnt often, even when I tell my friends Im having second thoughts about being with you.....PLEASE KNOW that deep down inside I cant imagine my life without you. We may have it rough right now and yes its difficult for me to admit that we are in marriage counseling because to me thats admitting that what im doing in my relationship is either not working or completely wrong....and we both know how i HATE to be wrong, but I love you babe, I would go to the ends of the earth and back if i knew it would keep us together! Just know that i will do everything in my power to keep our marriage strong!
I miss you dearly come home from training soon so we can spend the next 8 months until you leave for iraq together with our kids making wonderful memories!
Your often indecisive wife
Confession #2600
I faked my orgasm today. I wasn't feeling it, and you were so focused on trying to get me to come. I'm sorry. I rarely have faked it - but sometimes I'm just not into it.
You’ve been working so much lately. It’s been really difficult for me to deal with. But getting those flowers you sent, just because you miss me, made me realize why I’m with you.
Thanks for the reminder of why I love you sweetie.
Confession #2592
I am very glad that you all, my college friends are doing so well. I am glad you are all so happily married and have such great high-paying jobs. I really am. You are my friends and I want all of you to be happy but DAMN would it kill any of you to show a little consideration for me, the single mom in the group, when we make plans to get together? Last Fall I had to beg, borrow and steal (okay not really steal) to scrape up the $$ for my share of that mountain cabin we rented for our reunion weekend, but it was worth it. We all had a great time and our children really hit it off. I am way to proud to tell you to your faces that I had to pack pb&j sandwiches for lunch, sit home weekends when I didn’t have my children, and borrow money from my mother to make that happen. My thoughts were that if all of you can afford a really nice place with lots of amenities, it would not be fair of me to ask you to slum it to accommodate me. Now you are talking about doing the same thing this Fall and I have a big decision to make. Weighing into this balance are my two children who have already begun to ask when we are going back because we did have a great time. That is not really the reason for this rant, although it does add to my angst.
What really pisses me off is this weekend. We were all getting together for a cookout this weekend and the host of the cookout said anyone who needs to spend the night is welcome. Since I have to drive the farthest (3 hours one way) I kind of figured that offer was extended to me specifically. So we make the plans exchanging lots of emails over the course of a couple of weeks, almost 2 months ago. 1 month ago we get an email from one family backing out but the rest of us are all still on. Then I don’t hear anything for a month so I send out an email “Hey guys! Can’t wait for this weekend. Let me know if I can bring anything!” The email I get back is from our hosts saying “Oh gosh. Sorry. More people backed out and now M has a business trip so we have to cancel the overnight thing but hey why don’t we do lunch Sunday!” WHAT? Do you seriously expect me to take a 6 year-old and a 7 year-old on a 6 hour round trip in the middle of summer with gas $4.00 a gallon for LUNCH! I can’t even describe to you what a hell trip that would be, but I don’t have to because you have kids so you already know. Now I have two children who were looking forward to a sleep-over at their friends’ house who have to be told it is cancelled. One of them, in particular, is going to be heartbroken. How is it that you don’t get that? And all of it I could understand. Shit happens…except I get the idea that it didn’t just happen this week. How long have you known about the change in plans. Was I talking to my kids about this weekend and getting them all excited about it after you decided to uninvite us? I think so. And I would usually be the last to put words into someone else’s mouth, but I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I can just take the kids somewhere else this weekend to make this up to them. WRONG! I can not afford a replacement trip that will come anywhere near making them forget about the one they were looking forward to. I am a single mom. I have gone back to school so I can get a job that will allow me to take better care of my family on my own. Just because I don’t complain about my finances does not mean they are not an issue.
You know, it is not just you guys, but this was really the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am so sick and tired and emotionally exhausted from dealing with people whose word means nothing. Am I the only person left on the planet who considers their word to be their bond? If I say I am going to do something, I fucking do it! If circumstances beyond my control prevent me from doing it (and how often does that ever really happen?) I do everything in my power to make it right for the people I have disappointed. And what really sucks is that in my children’s eyes I am the one who let them down. I am the one who promised an awesome weekend and didn’t deliver. Know what? I just made up my mind. We are not going to the mountains this fall. My children will be sorry to miss time with their friends but I doubt you are raising them to be any more considerate than you are, so maybe we will all be better off.
Confession #2593
Im having an affair.....something I never thought I would do. Everyday I want to touch and look and feel something. I search for a way to be better at my marriage.........to be happier - but whoever said we were supposed to be happy every day in our marriages? SO back to this affair........I do this everyday when I come home from work - I am completely focused on this one thing and cant help but feel like I am cheating.........I am having an affair with my PC. It has taken over my life somehow and it now takes more of my time then anything else...........I am constantly looking, searching, reading, posting, blogging. Maybe it comes from my husband playing video games all the time..........I dont know..............but I dont like it..........then again how else am I going to feel anything.........
Confession #2594
I have a broken foot and you keep telling me I have to stay off it to get better. I stopped working, The kids are away, and I am reading my book, now at the computer and you are out riding your motorcycle and are mad at me because I wouldn't go with you to walk around the carfest. Are you OK?? Oh yeah and what do I make for dinner asshole?
Confession #2595
Last weekend youre friends went out drinking and got into a bar fight.
You didnt go, but yesterday you tell me "if i would have gone i would have gotten in a fight and gone to jail"
What the fuck.
At that very moment i lost so much respect for you.
I thought that since i'm pregnant you had gotten past that whole "macho" immature bullshit.
youre having a kid for gods sake.
youre going to be a FATHER.
Cut the childish crap!!!
I know everyone has told me to prepare for "the worst"
I was at first, but i've been on cloud nine the last few weeks that i hadn't thought about it at all.
well nice way of bringing me back done to earth.
I have to think now that they're is ALWAYS a possibility of me having to do this on my own.
and to make matters worse,
ever since we got the joint bank account, i've been having insufficient fees every single month!!!
stop spending my money!!!!!!
youre putting me in more debt than what i need asshole.
how the hell can i save up money for the baby if im paying $200 worth of bank fees???!!!!
Confession #2596
So you finally got your child support situation straightened out. Finally. Looks like your daughter, even though she's going on 22, is determined to get the money out of you anyway, since she comes by every week asking for money. She only stays long enough to get the money, she never calls, and she didn't even get you a Father's Day card. But she came the next day asking for gas money, even though she said she'd just been out to eat. She knows I cook every night, but that's not good enough for her. Her new outfit, new hairdo, and new manicure and pedicure were cute too. Guess she has money for some things. (Too bad I get my shit from WalMart and thrift stores.) Then she comes by a week later wanting money to go eat out at a fancy restaurant. She makes minimum wage and can't keep a job. She has no business living so freaking luxuriously. But you gave her the money again. Even though I had just cooked fried chicken, rice&gravy, biscuits, snap beans & potatoes, and a buttermilk poundcake for Sunday dinner. Apparently that's not good enough either. I'm less than a decade older than her, and I doubt she is thrilled about that, but I've never been anything but freaking NICE AS HELL to her. You and her mom had been divorced for eight years, and you never had any contact with her mom, so it's not like I stole you from anyone.... And I hate that she is so critical of our daughter, who is only 2. She rarely sees her, but when she does she bosses her around or criticizes everything - she can't ride a bike yet, she doesn't go to a good enough daycare, her shirt has a few spots of juice on it (even though it's 7 p.m. and I'm about to give her a bath).... She just gets on my nerves SO BAD...and through gritted teeth I just let it all slide. It hurts me that she is such a shitty and careless daughter to you, even though you have always tried to be a good dad to her. It's not your fault her mother is psycho. It's funny because I thought that even though you were a good bit older than me and you had been divorced and had a daughter, at least the daughter was over eighteen and I didn't have to worry about all the step-parent/childsupport/etc. drama. Boy was I wrong. We have so many bills, including extremely high daycare costs, your prescriptions, doctor bills, insurance...and tons more...and I try to be so careful with money. But then here she comes with her hand stuck out, wearing her new Gap jeans and holding her brand new cell phone (a different one every other month, no joke), and new rims on her car, designer sunshades, eating out every meal.... Why do I bother? Maybe this weekend I'll take our baby to the movies (she's never even been) and out to eat somewhere and maybe buy her a new outfit somewhere besides WalMart.
Confession #2597
I've come to terms that you do not love me. I don't think you have for a while now. I think on some level, whether you realize it or not, you're actually still trying to get back at me for my mistakes. I know I fucked up and cheated. I went to another man when I should've gone to you. I get that, I admitted to it, and I did everything I could to make up for it. You had me believing that going through with the divorce was my punishment, fair and square. I accepted that. You claimed you forgave me and weren't holding the past against me anymore. But yet, for the past few years, you've strung me along in a manner that makes me wonder if you are indeed trying to get back at me for that brief year. C'mon, it's been over 5 years since it happened, over 4 years since our divorce was finalized. And I let you walk all over me I don't know how many times. Lately, all of the signs of you being "not into" me are there. I kept making excuses for you. YOU kept making excuses. Now I see what they really are - you trying to tell me that you just are not into me and don't want to be with me. You keep bringing up shit that the fucked up ex girlfriend said to you and using her nasty and hateful words as a reason why you can't be with me. I'm getting tired of it.
I'm done. I'm done with you and your excuses, lies, and random bullshit. I'm done being available when you suddenly feel like it. I'm done tripping over myself just to hear you say that you still care. I tell you that I still love you and you can't even bring yourself to admit to anything more than caring. Fuck, you "care" about your female friend. But what about me? What about the woman who stood by you through everything over the past few years? Who tried to help you when you almost lost your house? Who tried to get you to go counseling and then stick with it? I should've known then when you gave all that credit to your female friend despite me being the one who was trying to encourage you for over a year. Who paid some of your bills? Who stepped up to help you with the kids when your family no longer could? I did all that and more. And this is how you repay me? Blowing me off yet again and feeding me some crap about how you supposedly forgot your phone but yet I've never seen you forget it? EVER? I'm done with your bullshit.
And know what's sad? In about a week or so, you'll act like everything is fine and I'll foolishly let you back in. I gotta find strength to tell you to fuck off. Maybe that bitch was right. I'm moving on. I'll find someone who will love me completely and will WANT to be with me. And when I do, I will not be there for you. You're on your own buddy. Don't even come looking for a lay. Fuck you
Confession #2598
Where oh where do I start? Here I am, a year and a half after meeting you, still struggling with the fact that I’m madly in love with you. The worst part of it all… is you continue to lead me on. You keep coming back into my life, just when I start to feel a little separation from you. Why do you do that to me? You are such a self serving fucking ass hole! Like seriously, you know how much hurt you have caused me, you know how much I love and care for you. So you didn’t think that, calling me a couple months of go saying “Baby, I love you so much, I miss you like crazy, things are different now…you will see” would affect me? I have not felt that happy like that, I’m pretty sure ever in my life; ok when I had my kids that is number one; but this was a close second. My heart was racing, I swear I started to sweat, I was smiling ear to ear, and of course the butterflies were going crazy in my tummy. I was on cloud nine when I laid my head down on my pillow that night. Then when we spoke the next day, I confronted you about it, so scared that maybe it was all a dream…but you said that you meant every word. Then the next few weeks go by and not only do I not see you, I don’t even hear from you. Every day that went by a piece of my heart was breaking away!! I get so wrapped up in thinking about you, stressing over you, wanting to be with you and see you, hear your voice that I just go crazy. I want to stop loving you so much. Not seeing you doesn’t stop the feelings. Not talking to you just makes me miss you even more. What can I do to realize I need to stop wasting my time and life waiting on you.
You are the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know this because when I think of us being together I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything or anyone. I haven’t wanted anyone or anything else like this in my life.
If someone can tell me how to forget about you and move on, please, please let me know! You take my love for you for granted and you use it against me. You think that you can treat me like crap, because you know I’ll still love you anyways. You think I will still sleep with you. Well the last time we hung out that was going to be the plan, I wasn’t going to sleep with you! Then when I wanted to be intimate with you, it was you who shot me down! It hurt me like hell, and I’m sorry that at the time I couldn’t be more supportive on what you were dealing with. Which was a big bomb that’s for sure, but I didn’t know what you expected of me. I have done so much changing, I've got a better job, I have lost alot of weight, and I'm looking and feeling my best...and then for you to deny me, I was heartbroken.
We have always had the most amazing and passionate sex, we always feel most connected when we are locked eye to eye, lip to lip. When I kissed you that night, I know it took your breath away as well as my own! You were out of breath and your voice was weak when you asked me, “you ok?” afterwards. I think that’s why you didn’t want to make love to me. You are afraid of those feelings for me coming crashing down on you. Especially when you still have to deal with the drama of your ex. Which brings me to a whole different issue. I am so tired of that stupid fat bitch, I have no idea what you even see in her. She has you so manipulated, it is ridiculous! I am tired of coming second to someone you bitch about so regularly to me!! I have been there for you through so much of that bullshit and what do I get? I am tired of feeling not good enough for you. It was kind of nice telling you that I could probably get bigger and better than you now. You told me I was being an ass hole, and yeah maybe you’re right; but you definitely had it coming! I am tired of giving you my best, and she gets the best from you!!
I just want you to love me back. I pray everyday that we can be together one day. I don’t see other men, or have sex with anyone else because I just want to be with you. I don’t want to ruin my chances and I know you know that, and probably have this big control freak thing going on. Even though you ask me sometimes if I’ve been with anyone else, and when I say no you act disappointed… I know you would hold it against me later.
I dream about you so often, and every time I want to fall right back asleep so I can continue dreaming about being with you. It always feels so real, and even though I know being in a relationship with you would be no cake walk; I would have you; and that’s what would make me happy. I crave those big brown eyes looking at me all dopey like you do, those full soft and kissable lips. I miss having to stand on my tippy toes just to get a kiss. Oh do you kiss so good. I love how you put your hand in my hair to pull my face closer to yours, you grab me around my waist to hold me tighter. I miss our drinks breaks, our Trailer Park Boys marathon nights, all the laugh til your belly hurt times... I miss those days, - - - - - - - .
Lets find happiness together…… love always, me.
Confession #2599
Dear Dearest Dippy.....
Sometimes when im mad at you......I dont need you to try to fix it....I just want to be mad for a while, It doesnt mean I love you any less....its doesnt mean that our marriage is " on the rocks" it means that im human and that I have passionate feelings toward you and its a good thing....yes even anger.....because it means that I still care enough to have those feelings! So When im mad at you don't be to quick to try to make me laugh like you do so often....just let me be mad for a while, I promise you I will eventually get over it, but i need to get over it in my own time....not yours, there are other times when im upset with you that i need you to be compassionate and try to help me with that quickly....I dont expect you to know which time is what so I promise to tell you what i need from you instead of assuming that you can read my mind!
Oh and just as a btw......Thank you from the bottom of my heart for agreeing to go into marriage counseling with me... you will see that that very small act of agreeing to go with me may have very well saved our marriage!
Also thank you for agreeing to stop being friends with xxxxx.....even though she was just a friend to you, she threatened me in so many ways I cant count and the biggest thing with her was that she only wanted to hang out with you WITHOUT ME OR OUR KIDS! I pray that you see that down the road that would have blown up in your face and it was already starting to complicate things in our marriage! Just know that asking you to do that for me was one of the hardest things I think ive ever had to ask of you!
You really are the Love of my life....Yes even when we dont get along even when im so pissed at you that i refuse to sleep in the same room as you....which isnt often, even when I tell my friends Im having second thoughts about being with you.....PLEASE KNOW that deep down inside I cant imagine my life without you. We may have it rough right now and yes its difficult for me to admit that we are in marriage counseling because to me thats admitting that what im doing in my relationship is either not working or completely wrong....and we both know how i HATE to be wrong, but I love you babe, I would go to the ends of the earth and back if i knew it would keep us together! Just know that i will do everything in my power to keep our marriage strong!
I miss you dearly come home from training soon so we can spend the next 8 months until you leave for iraq together with our kids making wonderful memories!
Your often indecisive wife
Confession #2600
I faked my orgasm today. I wasn't feeling it, and you were so focused on trying to get me to come. I'm sorry. I rarely have faked it - but sometimes I'm just not into it.
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