Friday, August 08, 2008

True Wife Confessions Chapter 3

Confession #021

I don't like my husband's coffee either. I pour it down the sink when he labors over a mocha for me

Confession #022

When you piss me off, I use your face wash cloth to wash my lower lady area
and than put it back in it's place where it belongs. Then I smile inwardly
the next morning when you're washing the sleep from your eyes.

Confession #023

One your day off, when you leave the dirty dishes in the sink for me to
wash when I get home from work, I really want to bash your head in with
the frying pan you used to make bacon.

oh, and your pants do not look good when you wear them pulled up to your
chin.


Confession #024

My Paul Smith sunglasses cost $250. NOT the $100 you
thought you heard me say.

When you asked me how much they cost, I actually said,
“One hundred dollars.” And then whispered, “...more
than I wanted to spend.”

Confession #025

When you go out of town, I throw away all the clothes that don't fit you anymore that I think are ugly or out of style. I've been doing this for years and you've never caught on.

Confession #026

Of course I know the baby has pooped her diaper right before I leave the room and breezily suggest that she hasn't been changed in awhile. Do you think I can't SMELL?

Confession #027

Yes, I know that you like go hunting after work. I know that you like to play in the basement with all your power tools after work. But? I totally resent the fact that you have changed precisely twelve poopy diapers in fourteen months because you're either hunting or in the basement. I know that I don't go to work, so I don't have that stress. But, have you seen our daughter? You don't know what stress is, buddy. I resent the fact that you can sleep through nothing except her screaming. I resent the fact that even though I'm the one with her all the damn time, it's your name that she repeats at various volume levels.

Confession #028

I don't like your mom as much as I say I do. I think she's a controlling perfectionist and is part of the reason your sister is so dysfunctional.

Confession #029

After 10 years of being together, I still hope that you will learn how to make me orgasm one day.

Confession #030

Your bizarre fear of white creamy foods is so frustrating to me that I frequently stir yogurt, sour cream or mayonnaise into whatever I'm cooking for dinner just to watch you eat it with gusto when you don't actually know it's there

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

# 029
He will never learn how to make you orgasm until you are comfortable enough with your own body to show him a manually self induced big O from start to finish. Men are loving creatures who love to please if you will only take the time to instruct them. Great lover are created not born.

Anonymous said...

I have to say these are some rather good ways to get the point across without having to fight about it. I also throw out his clothes at times, his mother @@#ks, too, and messed up his sister. I am happy to see it isn't just me.

Anonymous said...

#029
After 10 years together it finally all fell into place for us. We are having the best sex ever now.

What changed? Nothing drastic really, we just kept working on it.

Anonymous said...

Ok ladies, I understand that your husbands can totally piss you off...but come on!!! There is a better way of handling things then using his face wash cloth to clean yourself! I can't imagine you have good marriages. If you think your marriage is bad because of him, you should look at the things you do to add to the fire.

theo said...

#022 - Suddenly, washing my face just got a whole lot more interesting to me. . .

;)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, #22, but I have news for you. A lot of guys, me included, are not offended by a cloth that has been there. In fact, a few of us would even find it entertaining. Another note for you: a woman that uses her fun parts to get even is kinda sexy.

Constance (the First) said...

Hee! These are pretty funny. I definitely throw out my husband's clothes, but I don't wait until he's out of town, I just wait until he's at work. And when he leaves the dirty dishes for me, I just leave them right where he left them.

Gotta Let it Out said...

LOL @ #028... I totally feel the same way! My guy's sisters are the furthest thing from classy ladies that I have ever seen, and its totally because of his mom. I tell boyfriend all the time that I love her as much as he does... but as time goes on, I loose more and more respect for her. I don't think I like her very much anymore.