Monday, July 28, 2008

True Wife Confession 263 Buffalo Gals

Confession #2621

I know you didn't have to come back this morning and "take care of" that (huge, disgusting, prehistoric) roach in my classroom this morning. And I know you really, really, really didn't want to! I wasn't expecting you to come, I TOLD you it was okay, that I would figure out how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, because roaches make me gag even when I don't have morning sickness, and just looking at this one made me throw up! And then there you were, my hero! No one could have a better husband than you; I can't think of anything you wouldn't do for me, no matter how annoying or trivial. And you don't think I'm a spoiled brat because I wanted my big strong man to come deal with a bug, that is the crazy part. I love you! Thanks a million!!

Confession #2622

You look really hot in you new Utilikilt.

I think you should wear it all the time.

Confession #2623

There are many times that you drive me crazy. Like stick a fork in your jugular crazy. But when the shit hits the fan, you have my back 100 %. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Confession #2624

Our marriage is dying and you don't seem to hear the death knoll. We almost divorced years ago but I agreed to stay and work it out. I sought counseling, I prayed, I rediscovered my passions, and tried to better myself. And you have stayed the same. When I am home you spend the whole evening on the computer or watch television or even play with the dogs...anything but spend time with me. I put up with it for the past few years and continued to live my life, accepting our marriage as is. But now, I think I may be falling in love with another man. And still you do nothing! Do you know how hard it is for me to stay faithful to you? After all the crying and begging and nagging, you still have not changed and stay closed off to me. When I ask for what I need, you will deny me, no matter what the request. Though you will move mountains for your friends and family, you "trust" me enough to give me crumbs and to lash out at me when you are unhappy. Even when you encourage my dreams, it is always with an addendum of how you will profit from them as you proudly brag that you want me to be the "sugar mama". I feel like all you want is for me to sit quietly and be at your call to have sex with you when you want stress relief or to take care of you like a mother. I am giving up and I know if I stop putting forth the effort, this marriage will suffocate since I've been putting forth all the effort so far. I am truly and deeply sorry, my darling. I loved you once and my only wish was for us to be happy together. You are a good man and I hope one day you will be able to find the woman that makes you want to open up and love without limitations. Obviously, that woman is not me.

Confession #2625

Im going to state a fact that i have never stated before........I WAS RAPED!



I never said it before because i always thought that it was my fault or that i remembered it wrong.....but the more i am in therapy for something completly diffrent the more i realize that IT WASNT MY FAULT AND IM NOT REMEMBERING IT WRONG....I FUCKING SAID NO DAMNIT! who cares if i was too drunk to walk away or to put up a fight. I was 19 years old, I was drunk....and you drove me home....SHAME ON YOU FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME! SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS THE SLUT, SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE EVEN THOUGH I SAID NO I WANTED IT ANYWAY!



Why havent I said anything before this you may ask.....I didnt want my husband or my family to think of me as "tainted" and yes in a way i did feel like it was my fault, i was flirting with him and i was drunk, maybe i asked for it!



So there i finally said it I WAS RAPED.....AND NO I DIDNT DESERVE IT!!!

However i think i may keep this inside for a little while longer before telling my husband...or for that matter my therapist! It scares the shit out of me!

Confession #2626

It's great that you want to buy a house for us, but I'd rather you bought me a ring.

Confession #2627

I may sound crazy but hubby, you will never believe it wen i say dat I get off by fantasizing you masturbating or fucking another younger woman.



It turns me on in such a pervasive way tat when i found out abt yr affair wif a younger, sexy girl, I was shocked and amazed. Hurt, yes, but amazed dat my fantasy is now a REALITY,.



I hate you but I can never confess to u openly dat I have been having orgasms picturing you fucking another lady and loving it!!

Confession #2628

Well after 14 years of marriage I did it. I slept with another man. I have no guilt, no fear of getting caught. Do I love him? No, but he gives me what I need. Somehow over the past 5 years my husband has lost his stamina and I got tired. I find myself pondering why I'm still married. I honestly believe it is just easier to stay and get what I need elsewhere. I can only say what I believe and in my heart of hearts I deserved this and needed this. It was so worth it..he put it on me! I feel secure in this so called relationship I'm having with this other man. Funny thing about it he is married too. This is such a dangerous game, this I know. However I life is so short and if I deserve to be happy. If this man can do that for me then to me it is so worth it.

Confession #2629

I am curious about sex. My husband and I have only ever been with each other because of our religious beliefs so my experience is limited. I see on movies and sitcoms that men can orgasm over and over and have sex multiple times, one right after another. Once my husband cums...that's it. We would have to at least a few hours before he's ready to try again. Sometimes I find it frustrating because I'm often ready to go again while he conks out. Even when he wants to try again...nothing happens until he's had a break. I wonder if this is normal or if it's just something that I'm not doing right.

Confession #2630

I am so disappointed in myself. And so jealous of her. We are the same age. We both graduated from high school the same year, went to college and both have a bachelor's degree. She makes $50,000 a year and I make $14.00 an hour. I feel like a failure. That should be me. I'm just as smart, just as capable as her. The difference? I have 2 kids. The position she was given over me requires her to travel 75% of the time. I am not in a position to do that because of my children. I cannot be away from home for extended periods of time and overnight. I love my children so much...so why do I resent them and feel like they are holding me back from a promotion? When I see her in the office (she has an office with a door and I work FOR her from a cubicle), I feel insufficient. I doubt myself. She is going on to get her master's. I can barely afford $200 a week in daycare, I can't even consider going back to school. She immediately got a job in her field of study after college and has 7+ years experience. Me? I worked at a zoo, then for a graphics company, then I had a baby and another baby. Now that I actually have a job relevant to my degree I have zero experience. If I hadn't married young, if I hadn't started a family so soon, if I had chosen a career path and stuck to it - I could be where she is. My husband has a good job, but does not even have a college education and he makes $20 an hour. My self esteem is in the toilet. I know I can't compare the joy of having two beautiful, healthy children to having a career, but I will be fully honest and say I wish I was where she is instead of where I am. And I get even more depressed about feeling that way.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

#2629, TV and movies lie. What is happening to you is totally normal.

And I agree, it is frustrating.

Laina said...

I agree with 3:21, 2629. It is both common and frustrating.

2630: No advice, but I feel your pain. I adore my children, and everything I do is for them, but it is frustrating when you want to do the best for them, and for yourself, and you either can't, or are perceived as not being able to, fulfill the duties of the job you really want. Can you leave and go elsewhere? I'm an attorney, and while many of my friends went for big firms with big paychecks and 80-hour weeks, I'm in a small town with a small paycheck, but more flexible hours. Believe me, I sometimes envy their designer purses and fancier cars, but there's time for that. Once my kids are a little older and in school, I'll be able to devote more time to work and earn more money. The waiting is the hard part.

Anonymous said...

2630: I know exactly how you feel. I graduated from college, got married and had a baby all within a year. I have a degree but no experience. I took 12 years out of the workforce to raise my kids, just working part time here and there. Now I have a job where I've been for four years, and I too make $14 an hour, and I'm 40 years old. The sad part is that this is the most money I've ever made. I have no advice from you, but I sure do sympathize.

Anonymous said...

Re:2627
Can someone tell me what the HELL has happened to the English language?

2629:

You're normal, girl, and so is your Hubby!

Anonymous said...

2629, there's even a name for it -- the refractory period.
Teenage boys are often able to get erections after sex pretty quickly, but the older the guy gets, the longer the refractory period.
It's completely normal.
That said, if you're feeling unsatisfied, maybe he can do something else to get you there before intercourse. Or even after.

Anonymous said...

To #2625 - As one rape survivor to another, I understand your feelings. It's NOT your fault. You said NO. That's not asking for ANYTHING - that is saying NO. The person did that to you WITHOUT your consent.

If you don't feel comfortable telling your family or husband, please please consider telling your therapist when you are ready. I know the first time telling someone what happened face-to-face is absolutely terrifying - but a therapist shouldn't judge you, and will only try to help you as best they can. It gets easier when shared - like the feeling you get after you've cleaned up the dust bunnies and you're staring at the clean floor. :)

Amanda said...

2630,

I spent seven years putting my husband through 2 years of community college, 2 years of undergrad and 3 years of grad school. When he was done and working in his field, I was exhausted. I took several months off to settle into our new home and then looked for something part time.

Then he got a better job and we had a baby. And a better job and another baby.

I now find myself at almost 40 with only a high school education and no work experience for the last 7 years. My younger one won't be in school full time for 3 more years.

Often, I'll find that I'm the only person at a dinner party without a graduate degree.

It's okay. We're still good moms and good women and good people. We're not stupid or lazy or unambitious. We just shifted our priorities around for a while.

And you know how much work it is taking care of kids. And how hard it is to manage a household. I'm pretty sure that you are like me and didn't do it with a nanny. It's not like we take naps and go to lunch with our girlfriends before getting our nails done.

You've done an amazing thing by having children. You've changed the world.

Anonymous said...

#2630, I'm on the other side of the fence, and the grass isn't necessarily greener.

I work on ships for a living. I just moved to a new town, new job 6 months ago, and a week from Thursday I'm being sent for a 6-month business trip in another country. At the moment, I'm taking a break from packing up my house.

On the one hand, I will be getting paid a king's ransom for the work, but on the other hand, I haven't had a successful relationship in years, it's terribly lonely sometimes, having children would be professional suicide, I'm effectively homeless, and it's very difficult to maintain friendships and intimate relationships when you're always on the go. But, this was my choice, and I really love what I do for a living--cannot see myself doing anything else.

It's all a choice. You do have a choice--go back to university for a masters, either work 2 jobs or go into debt or find scholarship money. It's up to you whether to decide whether you want to try this.

#2629--TV lies. Most guys are up for one performance and that's it. Vibrators are your friend, as is lots of foreplay.

Anonymous said...

#2627

I don't even know where to begin.

Perhaps, schooling will do you wonders. Having the ability to write and speak above a 10 year old's level SHOULD be a requirement before you can call yourself an "adult".

Its a shame that people like that are out there pro-creating and making more mini-parasites on the US economy.

Anonymous said...

2630: She probably wishes she were you.

Mad Old Rat Spinster said...

Reading a post like this makes me so thankful every day of my 36 years that I do not have kids nor do I intend to. I love my life and I have way too much I want to do, to allow a child to totally restrict me. From a very early age I've never wanted kids, I don't particularly like kids, and it would be unfair of me to have one when I have no interest in them. People call me selfish "because you just want to do what YOU want in life" but to me, the selfish people are the ones who have kids to trap a man, or to try to save a marriage, or because society expects them to have kids, or to please their parents. THEY are selfish reasons. Not the rational thinking of a mature woman who knows herself and her personality and knows it's not suited to being a mother.

WHy didn't the woman who wrote this confession think about things before she had her babies? Why now are the regrets setting in? Kids are a life sentence and there's no going back.

Anonymous said...

2630, Remember that what she has now does not preclude what you can have in the future. It feels like her success and your perceived failure are related. THEY ARE NOT. You were absolutely right to have your kids first and not risk facing age-related infertility (hi! me here). You WILL have success and you WILL raise decent human beings. You are already a success for working towards both.

Lola said...

2627: Please STOP the computer-ese and grow up. Get out your dictionary (or sign onto disctionary.com) and SPELL out the words you want to say. Not only are you annoying the shit out of other readers, but you sound like a 12 year old. Assuming you are not 12 years ... GROW the hell up!

2527: No matter what you wore or didn't wear, drank or didn't drink, said or didn't say NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE RAPED. I was raped at a very young age. I wasn't a sexy little 7 year old, and I didn't ask for it. But I also didn't know enough to stop him. Did I deserve it? Hell no! And neither did you!

I encourage you to tell your therapist immediately. He or she is best equipped to help you process this and move forward, which by the way includes sharing it with your spouse.

You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Lola

Anonymous said...

Hi Mad Ratter,Good for you for knowing what you want. Too many women think you should have kids to be whole and you really don't. I wish more women would learn this lesson. My sister being one of them. Even my daughter, at 8, says she doesn't want children. Of course she is too young to make this decesion, but I for one will respect her decision. I have 3 and wouldn't trade them in, but I certainly respect the decesion to not have them. We women need to support eachother not judge by the amount of kids we have. Best to you.

Anonymous said...

2630 -

As some of the others have stated...I'm on the other side of your fence. I'm that girl who graduated college early, started working right away, making $50K, and traveling all over the country. And you know what? It sucks. I do get a certain amount of satisfaction from my career, but not enough to cover the consequences. My house is always a wreck because I never have time to clean it. My husband and I really have to work hard at maintaining our relationship. I rarely get to sleep in my own bed. I live out of a suitcase. I am overweight because I can't get into an exercise routine and I have to eat out all the time. So yes...financially, I am fine. I have brand new furniture, a flat-panel TV, a king-size pillowtop bed, etc...and I'm never at home to enjoy it. Realize that ultimately...it's just a job. It doesn't define you or who you are. One day when you die, on your tombstone it's not going to say "Dedicated employee of XXX"...it's going to say "Loving Wife, Mother, and Friend"...and that's what truly matters in life.

Number #2630 said...

Thank you for your words Anon 10:05

One day when you die, on your tombstone it's not going to say "Dedicated employee of XXX"...it's going to say "Loving Wife, Mother, and Friend"...and that's what truly matters in life.

I needed to hear that truth. I asked myself the question "if I could choose between my dream job or having my son and daughter, which would I choose?" My heart took less than a second to answer. in the long run being there for my kids is a thousand more times important than a bigger paycheck, right?
Deep down I really do want to be home with them in the evenings instead of traveling every week and bringing home more money. I may regret not having a high paying job right now but I would regret missing my children grow up a thousand times more. It happens so fast...my heart is full to the brim when I am with them and no job or paycheck could give me that same happiness.

theo said...

#2629 - Truth to tell, it's more like the other way around - women can have sex multiple times, one right after another, and at least some of them can string together multiple orgasms. Men - any man - can't help getting soft after they come. Sometimes, they can get hard again after a while, and go again, but there's always gonna be some 'down time' in between. And, as 9:43 noted above, the older he gets, the longer it takes to get up again (if at all). . .

Anonymous said...

Confession #2629: That's why it's called TV and Movies - it's all WRITTEN...

What you are experiencing is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Men are not machines who can do it over and over again. If that were the case I'd program my husband to do it...lol. (I adore him, but I could use some more, too!)

Anonymous said...

#2629 - I feel your pain. That's exactly what I'm going through too. I want more and he doesn't. Is it me???