Just how hard is it to change the cat litter box? I mean seriously, I was gone for 4 days. It would take about 3 minutes to scoop out the pee and poop so that when I returned home after driving in the pouring rain for 2 hours, picking up our son, picking up dinner for the three of us that it didn't smell like a goddamn sewer in the house. When I finally got to the cat box later that night I saw it was obvious you hadn't touched it at all.. So unbelievably gross. Oh, and, taking credit for the housework my mother did while I was gone, so uncool. I know you did not make up the guest bed, start laundry, do a load of dishes or sweep the floor. That had my mother written all over it.
Just why is it that you think it is ok to be a lazy ass? a slob? waiting for me to pick up after you? I am so done. Done with being your maid, done with waiting on you hand and foot. The day will come when we separate. You will be in a world of hurt.
Twenty years we've been together and I've never once been physically attracted to you. It's not that you're not a generous, attentive lover--you are. It's just that without that spark, all I can do is use every image of every porno I ever saw in order to get to the finish line. I love you the way I love my family. I love you for being a great father and a devoted husband. But I will never love you in that passionate, can't-wait-to-see-you-again kind of way. I'll never leave you, and you'll never leave me. We're destined to spend our lives together. We're happy. We're good to one another. We have great kids. But knowing that I'll never feel that spark? That makes me so sad.
to my baby, the photographer...i'm still winning.
wish it didn't have to be so all or nothing for you.
i'm willing to share every bit of me. within my circumstances.
i love you completely. there has never been and will never be another that i will love like you.
I have a confession. I love you more than anything. I have put my entire self on hold to make you happy. I worked my butt off from 2am till midnight. Everyday of the week to get us out of debt so you wouldn't have to take a second job. I bought you a new house, a new truck, a new four wheeler. I do all the housework so you don't have to. I don't even make you help with the kids. I'm so afraid of you leaving me and afraid of your unhappiness that I put all my needs, wants and desires on hold -to make your world easy.... so that you wont leave me.
And what do I get in return? You come home every night and yell if things are out of order or the kids aren't ready for bed. You find something to yell about. You want dinner on the table everynight, sex everynight. You say you hate your life and that you feel unfulfilled. I hate it that I can't make you happy. I hate that you don't love me. I hate it that you can't be happy with me. I hate myself for loving you. I hate that I choose you over being alone and divorced and being a single mom. I hate that I need you so much. I hate that I love you more than anything.
When you wake up in the morning and say that your head hurts, or feel like I have been hitting you all night..your right. I smack your jaw shut over and over again until you stop snoring...I also push you over so that you will stop..so those pains in your back are really caused by me!
I love you and our family together more than anything in the world. In fact, you and the boys ARE my world. I love that I am your wife, it is what I had wanted since I fell in love with you years ago. My only confession is this, ...as much as I do like to work usually, and as much as I do like to earn my own money and as much as having a job outside of the home boosts my self confidence,...I really secretly wish that we had a good enough income that there would be no problem with me being a full time stay at home mom. I would really love to take care of the house, the dog, our boys, you, pay our bills and make extravagant meals and all that crap that most women seem to loathe anymore. I would absolutely love it. .....*sigh*...but I love you insanely no matter what, and I'll still be happy,...just a bit grumpy at times as having a job outside of the home is really just one more job to add to the other hundred I will have waiting at home regardless:)
I am so glad your mother is moving I can't even explain it. I'm sorry that you're upset, but she'll be a plane ride away. I'm sorry but when she comes up to "visit" she won't be staying with us. You have 4 other siblings that can have her. I'm not going to be her taxi driver or clean up after her. I'm not going to put up with her insulting me or my family for god knows how long. She's lazy, she could have a desk job but refuses, she could drive, again, she refuses. She needs to quit smoking, she's killing herself and will not be allowed to be around me when I'm pregnant or smoke near our kids. I know she's your mother and you love her, but she should be looking out for you guys, not the other way around. Stop coddling her!!!! I just hope she stays there this time.
You really are such a JERK!! If only you knew that I wish you'd get some illness and only have a short time to live. As awful as that sounds it's true. You totally suck at communication. I've NEVER seen someone so horrible at it. I've stayed in this sucky relationship for 17 years and now find out that you've been cheating on me for most of the relationship. I hate the fact that I'm NEVER allowed to talk to you. It's either I just got home, I'm tired, wait til the weekend (but then it never happens anyway). I leave messages on your voice mail but you don't even listen to them. You just delete them right away. I really couldn't fucking believe you do that. I so want out of this HORRIBLE relationship. I'm only hear because of the kids and don't plan on being here that much longer. You really SUCK and I do hope you get what's coming to you.
I wish I could count on you. I asked you to tidy up the house because we were going to have guests tonight. You managed to straighten up the garage, but left me to the dishes, make the beds, make sure the bathrooms were clean, etc. You still have a pile of shit from last week sitting out in plain view. While I made dinner you ran off to take care of your "errands". Why don't you see what needs to be done without being told?
I am watching "Mad Men" on my computer while you sit on the couch in the other room doing a crossword. I am trying to decide whether introducing you to the show will encourage your drinking problem, or dampen it. I resent this managing role I have to play. Managing your ego (I have to talk about your amazing dinners for more minutes than you talk about mine, or you're despondent). Managing your laziness (oh so gently reminding you to study for the GRE, cautiously suggesting we clean the house, cheerfully insisting we should go to your friends' parties since you told them we would). Managing your drinking (your parents are alcoholics, they had a horrible marriage, you get irrational and mean when you're drunk, so get a grip and stop playing this out, stop blaming it on me, I want to help you, I want you to thrive, I'm on your side, so please remove this toxic element from our lives). Managing your negativity (I was so embarrassed last weekend when my brother called you on your negativity, and how you sulked and didn't speak to my family the whole weekend. I hate that my brother knows I am around a negative person all the time. I hate that I have to admit to myself how inhibited I've become when I talk, because I am too sensitive to handle your naysaying, devil's advocate view, criticism, discouragement, outlandish knee-jerk downer responses that aren't logical).
You and I have sex every day, sometimes twice. It's very good sex usually. Aside from my period (during which I make sure to give you lots on non-intercourse attention) it's very rare for a day to go by without sex. Most strong-libidoed men would be satisfied. Well, on Friday night you had way too much to drink with our houseguests and came upstairs as I was getting ready for bed at 2a.m. and said, "I want to have sex with you." I could smell cigarette smoke and stale alcohol, and I could envision the half-hard bad sex we'd have with you that drunk. I was about to say yes when I thought, no, this is not what I want. I do not want sex right now. I want to sleep. Can I make a reasonable choice here and not be punished for it? Of course, this is my husband, I'm just stating what I want and need. I hugged you and said, "Darling, we don't have very good sex when you're drunk, so not now, but tomorrow we will. Let's sleep." You then accused me of being cold, and said various cruel things. I put my earplugs in, because although it's "all about communication" it's also about self-preservation, and I don't consider immature drunken insults "communication" I need to hear. I no longer feel they will reveal anything.
How do all these women out there who don't have sex everyday get away with it? I feel jealous, like they can say "no" many times a month and not get in trouble. I say no twice a year and I'm branded awful and get the cold shoulder for days. You are such a baby, and so selfish. I used to love men. I have good relationships with my dad and brothers. I have often defended men when women made angry generalizations. But now I get it. I am sick of your selfishness, I am sick of your constant neediness. Where are the real men? These weak, underachieving drama queens are out of control.
You have not spoken to me for two days, and our houseguests think we have a bad marriage. I hate their condescension and pity and judgment. But you three exclude me, and drink too much, and I'm left out of your club. So every time we're around them a little conflict becomes a big awkward thing. You know what? They are lame, insular, undereducated jerks. And it's unacceptable that you to confide in them about what's going on between us, because a) you're not respecting the privacy of our marriage, and b) it's only going to make them like me less, and make these weekends with them even less tolerable.