Confession #1171
Dear Hubby:
You know how "we" agreed that we were going to keep
the thermostat at 68 this winter and not "waste money"
on foolish things like heat and warmth? Well, I just
can't do it. As soon as you go to work in the
morning, I crank the old thermostat up to 75. Roasty,
toasty warm. I LOVE HEAT!!!!
Confession #1172
I cant stop thinking about you, it seems like lately its all I do. I walk around, cooking, cleaning, take care of the baby, talk to my husband, go through life's motions. But inside, the thoughts just pulsate through me. For a while, it seemed like you were going to fade away with time. I still thought about you everyday, but not like this. All it took was seeing that damn movie to remind me of you, of us, of how it used to be. And now the memories just keep crashing into the sides of my head like waves, pounding away with the sadness and loneliness of reality back into my soul. It's been 5 years since I last saw you, and not a day goes by that i still wouldnt want to wrap myself around you completly. I hate the decisions I've made. G*d knows I love my child more than life itself, but I wish I could just go back in time, before i got married, before becoming a mother, and still be with you. To feel free again. And to know what real passion feels like once again. It's gone forever, and i will never have that feeling ever again. I feel like my life is over and there is no desire left inside. I am a desert. I miss you more than you will ever know.
Confession #1173
This goes out to confession #1107
If you want him to be a better lover and figure out that it isnt working for you....stop faking! I know it's hard...ive been there, he's pumping away with no end in sight and all you want to do is just go to bed, bc an orgasm just isnt gonna happen; whether it's his fault or not. In the past...this is what I have done....im totally silent. yes, it is passive agressive, but i feel that it is better than saying "just finish bc im not coming" or a simple..."ow, my hair" in a monatone voice works! They will usually ask "is something wrong?" then nicley say...well im not close to coming....unless you wanna (insert naughty deed here). I know many women may find my thinking backwards, or game playing....but we are women, we are game players...in a good way of course. and men, god love them...they can do a lot, but sometimes they just do not get simple things unless you let them know in simple ways, so be a woman, play games, and work things out with out really hurting any feelings!
Confession #1174
I am sorry you are waiting to hear if your cancer has come back. I feel terrible for you. You have dealt with this twice before and haven't. I want you to know, whatever you need from me I am here. Cancer or no cancer, we have only been together 4 months and I don't know where our relationship will end up. But right here right now I am 100% devoted to you. I'm your biggest fan and I want you to have a happy successful life more then anyone else in the world. Whatever happens we will get through this together.
Confession #1175
I would like to possibly get seven or eight hours of sleep if at all possible. I do not get the luxury of going to bed at 7:30, since I am still doing the dinner dishes, because dinner was not eaten until 6:45 because you and your sons are hunting! Therefore, I am not ready to be awake or am not even remotely possibly horny at 3:30 a.m.!!!! Go back to sleep, asshole, and let me wake up on my own. You might find I’m a tad more receptive when I get enough sleep! Don’t blame everything on PMS!! Look in the mirror sometimes!
Confession #1176
I have left a confession on this site before, confidently stating that I was not in love with you anymore.
Three months later, and we have finally seperated. Oh, how strong I was - finally doing what needed to be done so I could get "what I deserved".
I know we can never go back to where we were, and we will never be husband and wife again.
But I wish I could tell you how much I miss you, every single day, and how sorry I am for all of the things that I took for granted about your love, friendship, affection and our relationship.
I wish I could tell you how lonely I am, and how much I have learned through this whole experience.
Like a child, I blamed you for all of our problems, and all of my unhappiness.
But truth be told, I'm "single" now, and more unhappy than ever and I am dealing with more problems than I could have ever imagined.
That is not to say that it is not for the better, but also, the grass is not always greener.
Confession #1177
I hope you don't make me look like the fool. I know that I'm probably going a bit crazy and that I'm dreaming all of this up, but my woman's intuition tells me that you're fooling around with her. You know who I'm talking about. You know that I had a dream about this a year ago. You laughed when I told you about it. Hell, I laughed about it. I'm starting to think I was right though.
We always agreed that if either one of us was ready to move on and be with someone else we would be open about it. We would admit it, leave before fooling around, and get on with our lives. If you want to leave then just leave. Let me live before wasting another day.
If you're not cheating on me then I need you to tell me. I need you to reassure me that you love me more than any other woman on the planet. That no matter what we are in this for the long haul. That we will always be together. That no other woman could ever come between us because we were meant for eachother. Because we are soulmates.
Confession #1178
We have been together 20 years and I love you more than anything but when we are lying in bed at night and you are holding my hand I am dreaming of another man who fucks me like there's no tomorrow, whose kisses light me up from inside. I do love you though.
Confession #1179
Do you really think it's helpful and polite to throw all the dirty dishes and pots and pans from the evening's dinner (that your wife prepared) into the sink and leave them?
Especially since we know who will end up cleaning them up while you wait impatiently so you can turn on the Ti-vo'd shows from the night before.
Double especially since that wife bathes the kids every freaking night while you could be cleaning out the dishwasher and the sink.
Triple especially since you think that the wife will look your way sexually for one.freaking.instant after she's had to clean the kitchen and make the coffee and made to feel bad for not waiting until after you're done watching our shows and doing the nasty to take care of the chores.
I love you very much, but for this kind of selfishness, you can just BITE ME!
Confession #1180
We aren't married, but we talk about it. I love you so
much and I can hardly believe my good luck that I have
found someone as loving as you. I love when you call
or email out of the blue just to tell me that you're
thinking about me. I love it when you ask me so
sweetly for a kiss. I love it that you try so hard
when you think I'm upset with you so that you won't do
whatever it was again.
When you leave to go out of town for work, I
understand that. Really, I do. Sometimes I feel that
you don't miss me as much as I miss you and that
hurts. Even if deep down I know you do, a girl still
needs to hear it. I know you work hard on your
business trips and I love you for that. Sometimes, I
just feel like I'm the only one of us who tries to
keep the connection (both emotional and sexual) going
when you're away. Even when you're here, there is a
physical distance between us and this connection is
important. I just want to be assured that out of sight
isn't out of mind.
I also know that some men don't like public displays
of affection. I am trying to understand that this is
part of your personality. Sometimes I take things too
personally and I feel like you're ashamed of me and
ashamed for people to see us kiss or even hold hands.
I am proud of you, and of our love, and I don't care
if everyone around us can see how much we love each
other. So when I push for kissing or holding your hand
in public, that's the reason. That, and the fact that
I love touching you. And I just want to be close to
you all the time. I love you sweetness and I can't
wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
True Wife Confession 117 Master Chief
Confession #1161
To my dh:
For 13 years I have stood by you, encouraged you, loved you unconditionally. But for the last 8 of those years, I have been so very lonely. You have shut me out physically and emotionally, especially for the last 2 years. I have always been the eye candy on your arm for anything that has been required of you. The last month for me has been really hard. I have done some foolish things, but in the process learned alot about myself and also about you. You trust me. Without a doubt. But you are breaking my heart. And you are completely oblivious to the things I have been doing and probably will continue to do. I am going out more because I can't stand to be at home, its making me crazy. Our kids have suffered so much from your total detachment of our family. You have no idea what you have done to my self-esteem. You have single handedly destroyed me by shutting me out. It hurts so very very much. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this. I am not the maid or the cook or the chaffeur. I finally quit being those things and you haven't really noticed. You have the ability to do all these things for us, for our kids, but you have not chosen to in years. You have always made it very clear that the kids are my responsibility. Maybe if you had left all those years ago things would be better for us both than they are now. I work more than you do now because I choose to. Maybe its my feeling that I do need to prepare myself financially to leave. I need love, I don't survive on a kiss or a hug once in a while. Sex less than 5 times a year does not cut it. That is why I chose to have a couple of fucks with him. I am not dead, and neither are you. Quit kissing me like I'm your grandma! Take me to bed, give me a good fuck, and maybe I'll start working on things more too.
Confession #1162
To my lover:
It's been a 5 month flirtation, and finally came to a head 2 weeks ago. I can't breathe when I'm around you. What amazing sex. But I should have also known better than to think that you are anything but what I think you are. You are a toy. Literally. You love your women, it really doesn't matter who or what or where, you love your women. You insist on telling me you're not "that guy" but you are. Sorry. Wake up honey, us girls all know it. When you picked up that chick in right in front of me who is the dregs of the earth, I was only giving you a reality check. You are "that guy". The truth hurts. Avoid me like you have the last two days. Fine. Whatever. It's the way you play your little game. But I know you'll be back. You always come back. And you will break my heart.
Confession #1163
To my friend:
I am so happy to have you in my life right now. You were the one that gave my head a shake last night, and you were *my* reality check. I cherish the extra time we've had together the last couple days, I will hold it close to my heart and will never let it go. I will be sad if you leave this week, but I know we'll find a way to see each other. You give me what I have been craving - the attention and care that I deserve. You listen to what I have to say, you just want to spend time with me. And its all good hon, its all good. You're not telling me to leave him, you're not telling me to stay. You're telling me to listen to my heart and do what is right for me. I'm trying very hard to find what is right for me, but chances are I'll do nothing, you understand exactly what security and stability are about. All I know is that I can entrust you with my heart and soul and know that you'll be there for me either way because that is just who you are. I will do the same for you, I promise. You are helping me by just being there, by caring. And who knows, maybe we will end up being that crazy couple, happy as clams, wrinkled and lying naked on the beach when we're 80 years old. Giggling. Because we can.
Confession #1164
I drink more than you know about and more often than you think
Confession #1165
I like it when you aren't home sometimes
Confession #1166
I love you honey, but I love my sleep more. For God's sake, stop waking me up in the middle of the night just because you woke up with a hard on! Especially, when we had made love right before bed!! It pisses me off when you need to touch me just to get off. Have the courtesy to go in the bathroom or something and leave me the hell alone when I am sleeping!
Confession #1167
You know we are in serious debt, but you keep spending money on crap like video games & electronics. Please don't tell me it's for the kids, cause you don't let them touch it.
Confession #1168
I really don't have super bad menstrual cramps, but I love that you "take care of me" when I say I do
Confession #1169
To my soon-to-be Husband
I love the fact you know me better than I know myself, can understand the
craziness that is my mental state, and can calm me better than any stupid
drug. I love the fact you don’t make me worse, only better. And I love the
fact that the only two things in life you want are me as your wife and our
children.
But I’m terrified sooner or later you’ll get fed up of how sick I am, or
that your own illness will get worse. It kills me when you’re asleep and
every move is so painful, but you can’t hide it from me, and it tears me up
inside. How many nights have I sat next to you as you slept, stroking your
face every time you made the slightest noise? I hate how much pain your are
in, I hate that its incurable and I hate that there’s nothing I can do, even
though you tell me that I do. I hate that your life got so screwed over by
one bout of food poisoning, and I hate the fact your Doctor is the biggest
idiot on the planet – the painkillers are NOT working and dosing you up on
that many different drugs is going to do more harm than good. If I EVER get
my hands on him I am going to jail for murder – the man is a quack.
And let me tell you something – I know you don’t believe me when I tell you
this but YOU ARE SEXY. I love how long your hair is, how strong your arms
are, how good you feel when we make love. I don’t care that your illness has
made every part of you shrink – if you were still six foot I’d have busted
my neck by now – because you spend so long on foreplay and making ME feel
good that I’m usually so out of my mind with pleasure I don’t notice your
lack of stature in that department. It aint the size of the wand you wave as
long as you can make magic with it. And yes, I really, REALLY enjoy giving
you head. Those noises you make are incredible!
I’m also worried that the reason I haven’t gotten pregnant yet isn’t that
you’re infertile… because I think I might be. You joke about all your health
problems not helping, and I know the bi-weekly “self dilation” (who’s
dumbass idea was it to call it that anyway?) must mess things up a bit, but
it would kill me its my fault.
I love you, but I don’t think I deserve you, and I wish I could make you
better.
Your fiancée.
PS: Ignore my dad, he’s just annoyed he can’t piss me off any more. My mum
loves you, that’s the main thing.
Confession #1170
Last night when you took a night off from playing poker and watched a movie with the kids and I, both kids, the dog and our 2 cats where all on the couch that I was sitting on and you where on your couch all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder why.
To my dh:
For 13 years I have stood by you, encouraged you, loved you unconditionally. But for the last 8 of those years, I have been so very lonely. You have shut me out physically and emotionally, especially for the last 2 years. I have always been the eye candy on your arm for anything that has been required of you. The last month for me has been really hard. I have done some foolish things, but in the process learned alot about myself and also about you. You trust me. Without a doubt. But you are breaking my heart. And you are completely oblivious to the things I have been doing and probably will continue to do. I am going out more because I can't stand to be at home, its making me crazy. Our kids have suffered so much from your total detachment of our family. You have no idea what you have done to my self-esteem. You have single handedly destroyed me by shutting me out. It hurts so very very much. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this. I am not the maid or the cook or the chaffeur. I finally quit being those things and you haven't really noticed. You have the ability to do all these things for us, for our kids, but you have not chosen to in years. You have always made it very clear that the kids are my responsibility. Maybe if you had left all those years ago things would be better for us both than they are now. I work more than you do now because I choose to. Maybe its my feeling that I do need to prepare myself financially to leave. I need love, I don't survive on a kiss or a hug once in a while. Sex less than 5 times a year does not cut it. That is why I chose to have a couple of fucks with him. I am not dead, and neither are you. Quit kissing me like I'm your grandma! Take me to bed, give me a good fuck, and maybe I'll start working on things more too.
Confession #1162
To my lover:
It's been a 5 month flirtation, and finally came to a head 2 weeks ago. I can't breathe when I'm around you. What amazing sex. But I should have also known better than to think that you are anything but what I think you are. You are a toy. Literally. You love your women, it really doesn't matter who or what or where, you love your women. You insist on telling me you're not "that guy" but you are. Sorry. Wake up honey, us girls all know it. When you picked up that chick in right in front of me who is the dregs of the earth, I was only giving you a reality check. You are "that guy". The truth hurts. Avoid me like you have the last two days. Fine. Whatever. It's the way you play your little game. But I know you'll be back. You always come back. And you will break my heart.
Confession #1163
To my friend:
I am so happy to have you in my life right now. You were the one that gave my head a shake last night, and you were *my* reality check. I cherish the extra time we've had together the last couple days, I will hold it close to my heart and will never let it go. I will be sad if you leave this week, but I know we'll find a way to see each other. You give me what I have been craving - the attention and care that I deserve. You listen to what I have to say, you just want to spend time with me. And its all good hon, its all good. You're not telling me to leave him, you're not telling me to stay. You're telling me to listen to my heart and do what is right for me. I'm trying very hard to find what is right for me, but chances are I'll do nothing, you understand exactly what security and stability are about. All I know is that I can entrust you with my heart and soul and know that you'll be there for me either way because that is just who you are. I will do the same for you, I promise. You are helping me by just being there, by caring. And who knows, maybe we will end up being that crazy couple, happy as clams, wrinkled and lying naked on the beach when we're 80 years old. Giggling. Because we can.
Confession #1164
I drink more than you know about and more often than you think
Confession #1165
I like it when you aren't home sometimes
Confession #1166
I love you honey, but I love my sleep more. For God's sake, stop waking me up in the middle of the night just because you woke up with a hard on! Especially, when we had made love right before bed!! It pisses me off when you need to touch me just to get off. Have the courtesy to go in the bathroom or something and leave me the hell alone when I am sleeping!
Confession #1167
You know we are in serious debt, but you keep spending money on crap like video games & electronics. Please don't tell me it's for the kids, cause you don't let them touch it.
Confession #1168
I really don't have super bad menstrual cramps, but I love that you "take care of me" when I say I do
Confession #1169
To my soon-to-be Husband
I love the fact you know me better than I know myself, can understand the
craziness that is my mental state, and can calm me better than any stupid
drug. I love the fact you don’t make me worse, only better. And I love the
fact that the only two things in life you want are me as your wife and our
children.
But I’m terrified sooner or later you’ll get fed up of how sick I am, or
that your own illness will get worse. It kills me when you’re asleep and
every move is so painful, but you can’t hide it from me, and it tears me up
inside. How many nights have I sat next to you as you slept, stroking your
face every time you made the slightest noise? I hate how much pain your are
in, I hate that its incurable and I hate that there’s nothing I can do, even
though you tell me that I do. I hate that your life got so screwed over by
one bout of food poisoning, and I hate the fact your Doctor is the biggest
idiot on the planet – the painkillers are NOT working and dosing you up on
that many different drugs is going to do more harm than good. If I EVER get
my hands on him I am going to jail for murder – the man is a quack.
And let me tell you something – I know you don’t believe me when I tell you
this but YOU ARE SEXY. I love how long your hair is, how strong your arms
are, how good you feel when we make love. I don’t care that your illness has
made every part of you shrink – if you were still six foot I’d have busted
my neck by now – because you spend so long on foreplay and making ME feel
good that I’m usually so out of my mind with pleasure I don’t notice your
lack of stature in that department. It aint the size of the wand you wave as
long as you can make magic with it. And yes, I really, REALLY enjoy giving
you head. Those noises you make are incredible!
I’m also worried that the reason I haven’t gotten pregnant yet isn’t that
you’re infertile… because I think I might be. You joke about all your health
problems not helping, and I know the bi-weekly “self dilation” (who’s
dumbass idea was it to call it that anyway?) must mess things up a bit, but
it would kill me its my fault.
I love you, but I don’t think I deserve you, and I wish I could make you
better.
Your fiancée.
PS: Ignore my dad, he’s just annoyed he can’t piss me off any more. My mum
loves you, that’s the main thing.
Confession #1170
Last night when you took a night off from playing poker and watched a movie with the kids and I, both kids, the dog and our 2 cats where all on the couch that I was sitting on and you where on your couch all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder why.
Monday, November 13, 2006
True Wife Confession 116 Sonnet
Confession #1151
My dear husband,
He will always be in my heart. Im sorry if that hurts you. He was there long before you came along. On our wedding day though, I gave up the hope of him and I. For the hope of you and I. I was willing to push my feelings for him aside, because I did love you. Not like I love him. Not more. Not less. Just differently. But I knew it was you I wanted a future with.
And now, so many years later. Im not sure anymore.
Over the years we have both done things that are not right. I admit to my fault as much as yours. The little things start to wear on a marriage. It was hard, but I could live with it. I dont remember when I started searching for him again, I just did. Never thinking I would find him. Never thinking I would ever talk to him. I dont know if I even wanted to. It was just a distraction. Something to get me through the day.
It wasnt until she was sick. Until she was dying. Until I had to go through it alone. That I really started to think I couldnt do it anymore. I searched that whole summer for him. I prayed to God everynight to bring him back into my life to help me get through losing her. But he didnt.
Things got even worse between us. But I was still hanging on. Hanging onto the hope I had the day I married you. Then, you threatened me into doing something that I never believed in. And I had to go through it alone. I know you have said your sorry, but I just dont think I can ever get past it. I told you this before, but I was so scared of losing you. Instead I lost me.
I found me again. In him. One phone call and I felt like I had come home. I remembered the girl I used to be before I let you break me. He has this way of making me absolutely love who I am. And I hate myself when Im around you.
You dont have to worry, there is nothing going on between us. I love hearing his voice and talking to him about all the things you wont. He knows what I did. He never once judged me. And somehow made me feel like I can forgive myself for it.
Yet things with you and I are no better. We are still struggling. Still trying to hold on. Somedays I dont think either of us know why anymore. We love each other, and most days we like each other. But we are not good for each other.
If we could only go back and redo the past two years, than I wouldve been with you forever.
I hate to say it, and I know you feel it, but I dont have any hope left for us.
Confession #1152
I saw you looking at her at the party. You weren’t oogling or gawking at her, you just noticed her, and how could you not, everyone did. She looked absolutely stunning. I did not get mad at you because I look at other men that are attractive, it’s just looking, I know I don’t fantasize about them and I hope you don’t fantasize about other women. I think it’s normal to notice attractive people. But when I saw you look at her, I knew, others may not have, but I have known you for 10 years and I knew, because fifty pounds ago, you looked at me like that, and that’s what hurts. I miss those looks.
Confession #1153
You irritate me so.
Confession #1154
Just wondering what it must feel like to be so perfect - I mean honestly, as you point out each and every one of my faults as a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a human, I just have to wonder, how did I happen to snag Jesus Christ? Confucius? Buddah? Mohammed? Allah? God? Yahweh?
Cause as you rail on about how lazy I am, I just have to think what it must feel to be perfection.
Dumbass.
Confession #1155
I went out on Friday night like I usually do. I was not looking for anything, only to have some fun after a very long stressful day. We had been flirting the last few times we saw each other. Maybe it was the alcohol but he said things that made me feel really good. He told me I was beautiful. Said that he could fall in love with me, why is life so unfair? He was hung up on the married part but I told him not to think about it. I never expected it to go as far as it did. He quickly kissed me. After sitting at the bar and holding hands and just looking at each other and talking in each other's ears we both thought we should go home. He pulled me into the bathroom, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. We had a full-on make out session. We chose to leave thru the back door. We couldn't get it open. We laughed and we made out again. We touched each other. He kicked the door open and we made out again in the alley. He offered to drive me to my car and we kissed some more. When we got to my car, we made out again. It was exhilarating. Now I can't get him out of my head and am longing to see him again. My head is spinning...
Confession #1156
Why do you insist on us going out as a "family" and then pout and act pissy all night because your child acts out in public? This isn't new behavior. This isn't an occasional reaction by you. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you wonder why I say I would rather say home? I mother one actual child, and mothering you just pisses me off.
Confession #1157
I hate that you watch TV for the sake of watching TV.
Confession #1158
Yes I did back over the 100 dollar baby stroller with my car, and no it never did push straight after that
Confession #1159
All of the texts I get? They aren't all from girls
Confession #1160
Relationship? Not much of one. Zero balance…the scales are completely tipped. I give and I give. I care more for you than I do for anyone or anything else, including my family and me. And, just as I realize that I’m not receiving anything in return, aside from heartbreak, you sense my discomfort and give just enough to spark my hope that things could eventually change, if only I work hard enough to prove myself to you.
Even worse, when you decide to provide that crumb of tenderness I crave, I start imagining that the lack of caring and affection I feel is just my own insecurity, another one of my many imperfections, and that maybe you’re just so comfortable with me that you don’t feel the need to assure me that you want to be with me. I often can’t decide whether you simply take for granted all that I am, or if what I feel for you is totally one-sided and you simply continue to use me until such a time that you feel strong enough to move on into the world in order to find what you really want.
I’m not doing myself any favours by allowing you to hurt me with your callousness and distance. I’m compounding the problem by keeping silent when there are things that I feel bothered by. Every time I hold back about what happens to me when I feel belittled by you, I take more and more away from myself. Soon enough I will be totally buried by insecurity and smothered by the knowledge that, once again, I could not measure up.
Little by little, because I don’t communicate all the things that are inside me, I start to see an amount of insensitivity in you that I never would have suspected could exist. I start to see that people are all the same, the ways in which they take may differ, but a taker will always take and a giver will continue to give - long after there is nothing left to spare.
In spite of all this, in spite of the fact that soon there will be nothing left of me, still I stay, because I’m afraid that my many mistakes and my tendency to consistently get things wrong dictate how deserving I am of affection and love. And, while you don’t satisfy my very human need to feel wanted and appreciated, I accept that no one worthwhile ever will. Thus I continue to try harder to please you…and the cycle continues.
What’s worse, what makes it more devastating than you could possibly imagine, is that I love you. When you hurt, I hurt. I would have given anything to take the pain from you and contend with it myself. When I waited so long to hear that you were ok, when I finally began to fear the worst, I prayed that your life be spared on that table and that I be struck dead instead. I would have gladly died if it meant that you would be healthy. I would take the love I feel for you back, but I can’t. It’s not something I choose. Absolutely not. I would have retrieved it long ago if that were the case. It’s something that is a part of me yet has a life of it’s own. It’s part of me, yet it belongs to you.
My dear husband,
He will always be in my heart. Im sorry if that hurts you. He was there long before you came along. On our wedding day though, I gave up the hope of him and I. For the hope of you and I. I was willing to push my feelings for him aside, because I did love you. Not like I love him. Not more. Not less. Just differently. But I knew it was you I wanted a future with.
And now, so many years later. Im not sure anymore.
Over the years we have both done things that are not right. I admit to my fault as much as yours. The little things start to wear on a marriage. It was hard, but I could live with it. I dont remember when I started searching for him again, I just did. Never thinking I would find him. Never thinking I would ever talk to him. I dont know if I even wanted to. It was just a distraction. Something to get me through the day.
It wasnt until she was sick. Until she was dying. Until I had to go through it alone. That I really started to think I couldnt do it anymore. I searched that whole summer for him. I prayed to God everynight to bring him back into my life to help me get through losing her. But he didnt.
Things got even worse between us. But I was still hanging on. Hanging onto the hope I had the day I married you. Then, you threatened me into doing something that I never believed in. And I had to go through it alone. I know you have said your sorry, but I just dont think I can ever get past it. I told you this before, but I was so scared of losing you. Instead I lost me.
I found me again. In him. One phone call and I felt like I had come home. I remembered the girl I used to be before I let you break me. He has this way of making me absolutely love who I am. And I hate myself when Im around you.
You dont have to worry, there is nothing going on between us. I love hearing his voice and talking to him about all the things you wont. He knows what I did. He never once judged me. And somehow made me feel like I can forgive myself for it.
Yet things with you and I are no better. We are still struggling. Still trying to hold on. Somedays I dont think either of us know why anymore. We love each other, and most days we like each other. But we are not good for each other.
If we could only go back and redo the past two years, than I wouldve been with you forever.
I hate to say it, and I know you feel it, but I dont have any hope left for us.
Confession #1152
I saw you looking at her at the party. You weren’t oogling or gawking at her, you just noticed her, and how could you not, everyone did. She looked absolutely stunning. I did not get mad at you because I look at other men that are attractive, it’s just looking, I know I don’t fantasize about them and I hope you don’t fantasize about other women. I think it’s normal to notice attractive people. But when I saw you look at her, I knew, others may not have, but I have known you for 10 years and I knew, because fifty pounds ago, you looked at me like that, and that’s what hurts. I miss those looks.
Confession #1153
You irritate me so.
Confession #1154
Just wondering what it must feel like to be so perfect - I mean honestly, as you point out each and every one of my faults as a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a human, I just have to wonder, how did I happen to snag Jesus Christ? Confucius? Buddah? Mohammed? Allah? God? Yahweh?
Cause as you rail on about how lazy I am, I just have to think what it must feel to be perfection.
Dumbass.
Confession #1155
I went out on Friday night like I usually do. I was not looking for anything, only to have some fun after a very long stressful day. We had been flirting the last few times we saw each other. Maybe it was the alcohol but he said things that made me feel really good. He told me I was beautiful. Said that he could fall in love with me, why is life so unfair? He was hung up on the married part but I told him not to think about it. I never expected it to go as far as it did. He quickly kissed me. After sitting at the bar and holding hands and just looking at each other and talking in each other's ears we both thought we should go home. He pulled me into the bathroom, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. We had a full-on make out session. We chose to leave thru the back door. We couldn't get it open. We laughed and we made out again. We touched each other. He kicked the door open and we made out again in the alley. He offered to drive me to my car and we kissed some more. When we got to my car, we made out again. It was exhilarating. Now I can't get him out of my head and am longing to see him again. My head is spinning...
Confession #1156
Why do you insist on us going out as a "family" and then pout and act pissy all night because your child acts out in public? This isn't new behavior. This isn't an occasional reaction by you. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you wonder why I say I would rather say home? I mother one actual child, and mothering you just pisses me off.
Confession #1157
I hate that you watch TV for the sake of watching TV.
Confession #1158
Yes I did back over the 100 dollar baby stroller with my car, and no it never did push straight after that
Confession #1159
All of the texts I get? They aren't all from girls
Confession #1160
Relationship? Not much of one. Zero balance…the scales are completely tipped. I give and I give. I care more for you than I do for anyone or anything else, including my family and me. And, just as I realize that I’m not receiving anything in return, aside from heartbreak, you sense my discomfort and give just enough to spark my hope that things could eventually change, if only I work hard enough to prove myself to you.
Even worse, when you decide to provide that crumb of tenderness I crave, I start imagining that the lack of caring and affection I feel is just my own insecurity, another one of my many imperfections, and that maybe you’re just so comfortable with me that you don’t feel the need to assure me that you want to be with me. I often can’t decide whether you simply take for granted all that I am, or if what I feel for you is totally one-sided and you simply continue to use me until such a time that you feel strong enough to move on into the world in order to find what you really want.
I’m not doing myself any favours by allowing you to hurt me with your callousness and distance. I’m compounding the problem by keeping silent when there are things that I feel bothered by. Every time I hold back about what happens to me when I feel belittled by you, I take more and more away from myself. Soon enough I will be totally buried by insecurity and smothered by the knowledge that, once again, I could not measure up.
Little by little, because I don’t communicate all the things that are inside me, I start to see an amount of insensitivity in you that I never would have suspected could exist. I start to see that people are all the same, the ways in which they take may differ, but a taker will always take and a giver will continue to give - long after there is nothing left to spare.
In spite of all this, in spite of the fact that soon there will be nothing left of me, still I stay, because I’m afraid that my many mistakes and my tendency to consistently get things wrong dictate how deserving I am of affection and love. And, while you don’t satisfy my very human need to feel wanted and appreciated, I accept that no one worthwhile ever will. Thus I continue to try harder to please you…and the cycle continues.
What’s worse, what makes it more devastating than you could possibly imagine, is that I love you. When you hurt, I hurt. I would have given anything to take the pain from you and contend with it myself. When I waited so long to hear that you were ok, when I finally began to fear the worst, I prayed that your life be spared on that table and that I be struck dead instead. I would have gladly died if it meant that you would be healthy. I would take the love I feel for you back, but I can’t. It’s not something I choose. Absolutely not. I would have retrieved it long ago if that were the case. It’s something that is a part of me yet has a life of it’s own. It’s part of me, yet it belongs to you.
Friday, November 10, 2006
True Wife Confession 115 Bourbon Street
Confession #1141
Now that I see how you interact with the puppy, I'm not sure we should be having kids soon. I mean you are great about many things, but you get whiny and mean when the puppy has kept you up or woken you up early. What do you think a baby will do? It might help if you went to bed at a decent time, you know.
Confession #1142
at the party, I made out with your friend Rob. Then, I made out with Aaron. THEN, I made out with Aaron's wife.
So there.
Confession #1143
Last week you told me that you still loved me but you aren't in love with me anymore.
Fuck You.
I've stood by you through so much the last 7 years. I've been a good stepmom to your kids and a good mom to our kids. I'm sorry I didn't get help with my postpartum until now, but who cares because now you don't love me?
Go to hell. I've always been there for you and always loved you. Why do I deserve this shit from you?
Confession #1144
Dear Husband,
You are the greatest. You never complain, you never put me down, you are just there, for me, and our family all of the time....our son adores you and our new adopted daughter worships the ground you walk on. When I mentioned the other day maybe adopting again, and special needs this time, you said "our van has enough seats, let's look into it".
You are everything that my first husband was not. I love you so much!
A loving wife.
Confession #1145
Today I uploaded our digital pictures and came across one of you and the
baby. I caught you by surprise and you're both looking at me with the
biggest, brightest, most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I felt an
immense rush of love for you then, and I couldn't wait for you to come home
so I could kiss you.
When you got home from work, your breath smelled like Marlboro Reds and I
had to turn away. I wish you understood how much this disappoints me.
Confession #1146
Ok, here it is...
I don't know if I love you or not, even though I tell you I do. I feel very strongly for you and I've known you a really long time, but love? I don't know. What I do know is that I should have slept with you when I had the chance, and that having hot, dirty sex with you is constantly on my mind. And you want to be with me - you want me to just say 'yes'. And instead I say 'no' because I choose to stay faithful to my marriage and not cheat. I'm a mother of small children and married and won't cheat just for sex - even though the sex would be mind-blowing. Yes, my husband is thoughtless and dreadfully boring in bed and a cheater himself. The temptation of sex with you is still not enough to make me want to risk losing my family. Why? Because even though I want to be with you, what kind of life could we have together if he left me for cheating? Seriously. Get a job. Get a real place to live. Have some ambition in your life! Make some MONEY. I know you're an 'artist' and you feel compelled to follow your dreams - but you are 35 years old. No one is banging down your door, no one is going to 'discover' you. I might be able to really love you, if you could just do something worthwhile with your life and earn my admiration.
I haven't had sex with my husband but a handful of times the entire year, and those times have been excrutiatingly dull and mechanical. That will not change - I am doomed to a nearly sexless existence. Still, I prefer safe and boring and secure to hot kinky sex every day with a loser. No amount of awesome sex is worth risking my family, not for someone who won't get a JOB. So you wonder why I won't cheat? THIS is why.
Confession #1147
We are separated and I have our kids. You’d think that if you truly wanted to stay married, you’d kiss up a bit. Apologize. Quit giving me constructive criticism. As the counselor said, “You are going to lose your wife, if you continue providing constructive criticism. She considers it abusive. “ You chose not to stop. Well, buddy…ya lost me. My attorney is sending you the papers this week. Oddly enough, I don’t feel sad but rather a huge sense of relief.
Confession #1148
Yes, your obesity is a problem.
You're not even thirty yet, and already have sleep apnea. You sleep
constantly, and I really think it's because of your weight and the apnea.
You're missing out on time with your son, and I'm afraid if you don't lose
the weight you'll miss out permanently. I'm afraid to send you to the
doctor for a physical, because I'm afraid we're going to find out you're
diabetic, among other things.
And it DOES impact our sex life.
I know you've been losing weight, and I AM proud of you, but it's a CONSTANT
battle, and it's tiring for me to have to watch you constantly to police
everything you put in your mouth. Getting you to exercise is nearly
impossible. I can't help but wonder: if you really wanted this for
yourself, would I have to be on you every single day like this? Would you be
fighting me every step of the way like this? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing
as much work as you are, for YOU to lose the weight. And it's a really
thankless job. You've told me, when I complain, that you do appreciate what
I'm doing, but still every day you act like it's ME imposing upon YOU with
these demands.
I love you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. And I know
you think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but sometimes I worry that the
rest of our lives isn't going to be that long ... because you're not even
thirty and you already STOP BREATHING WHEN YOU SLEEP.
Confession #1149
Everyone – family, friends, and my customers – helped me celebrate my 38th birthday. It was lovely. I felt so warm and loved. My husband called and made me cry. He badgered me until I cried. What would have been wrong with calling and wishing me a happy birthday? Invite me out to dinner. What about a card or present. He wants me to dismiss the divorce. Hmm….how about showing a bit of kindness?
Confession #1150
When you kiss me I secretly puke in my mouth. I have hated you ever since I found out you were still talking to her. No you did not have sex, but telling her you love her and want to have a family with her is worse. Secretly meeting with her and finding ways to see her. You tell me you love me? I think you just say that so I won't walk out. So many times I have walked out. But I walk back because the home is my security. I am so glad you spend most of your time out of town to work. Thats my piece of mind. And don't think I am a dumbass when you ask me what I am doing every second of the day. Making sure I am not going to visit you and screw up your secret life. Good God idiot. I hate that I hate myself for staying. I hate that I always want to know whos calling. You get mad and ask me whats wrong when I go into a daze? Well asshole how about feeling like Im second place. I am tired of rehearsing and putting on a show for all of our friends and family.
You say you keep trying to make things better? How are you doing that. By talking in your sleep of how much you love her and want to be with her. When I ask you about it you say you have no idea why your thinking this. Once again idiot. I am so tired of lying to you all the time about how things are getting better. I say that so you will just leave me alone. Your constant need to be around me now is a little to late. Your love letters saying how sorry you are, ya your a sorry piece of work and I just toss them away.
I keep asking myself why I will not leave. There is only one reason. You are an incredible father and have never made the children feel like they are second place. You give them so much attention and make their world so much better. They don't know you have lied. They don't know you have made mommy cry. They don't know that this year you have taken home the idiot award. I will never tell them. They don't need to know.
I wish I could tell you that you have completely destroyed me. Destroyed my faith in you and what we once had. I dont trust or or belive anything you say. I also hope you just walk out the door and not come home. That would make things easier for me, for the kids no but for me yes. So I will just go on daydreaming that the whore leaves her husband and comes to get you.
Now that I see how you interact with the puppy, I'm not sure we should be having kids soon. I mean you are great about many things, but you get whiny and mean when the puppy has kept you up or woken you up early. What do you think a baby will do? It might help if you went to bed at a decent time, you know.
Confession #1142
at the party, I made out with your friend Rob. Then, I made out with Aaron. THEN, I made out with Aaron's wife.
So there.
Confession #1143
Last week you told me that you still loved me but you aren't in love with me anymore.
Fuck You.
I've stood by you through so much the last 7 years. I've been a good stepmom to your kids and a good mom to our kids. I'm sorry I didn't get help with my postpartum until now, but who cares because now you don't love me?
Go to hell. I've always been there for you and always loved you. Why do I deserve this shit from you?
Confession #1144
Dear Husband,
You are the greatest. You never complain, you never put me down, you are just there, for me, and our family all of the time....our son adores you and our new adopted daughter worships the ground you walk on. When I mentioned the other day maybe adopting again, and special needs this time, you said "our van has enough seats, let's look into it".
You are everything that my first husband was not. I love you so much!
A loving wife.
Confession #1145
Today I uploaded our digital pictures and came across one of you and the
baby. I caught you by surprise and you're both looking at me with the
biggest, brightest, most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I felt an
immense rush of love for you then, and I couldn't wait for you to come home
so I could kiss you.
When you got home from work, your breath smelled like Marlboro Reds and I
had to turn away. I wish you understood how much this disappoints me.
Confession #1146
Ok, here it is...
I don't know if I love you or not, even though I tell you I do. I feel very strongly for you and I've known you a really long time, but love? I don't know. What I do know is that I should have slept with you when I had the chance, and that having hot, dirty sex with you is constantly on my mind. And you want to be with me - you want me to just say 'yes'. And instead I say 'no' because I choose to stay faithful to my marriage and not cheat. I'm a mother of small children and married and won't cheat just for sex - even though the sex would be mind-blowing. Yes, my husband is thoughtless and dreadfully boring in bed and a cheater himself. The temptation of sex with you is still not enough to make me want to risk losing my family. Why? Because even though I want to be with you, what kind of life could we have together if he left me for cheating? Seriously. Get a job. Get a real place to live. Have some ambition in your life! Make some MONEY. I know you're an 'artist' and you feel compelled to follow your dreams - but you are 35 years old. No one is banging down your door, no one is going to 'discover' you. I might be able to really love you, if you could just do something worthwhile with your life and earn my admiration.
I haven't had sex with my husband but a handful of times the entire year, and those times have been excrutiatingly dull and mechanical. That will not change - I am doomed to a nearly sexless existence. Still, I prefer safe and boring and secure to hot kinky sex every day with a loser. No amount of awesome sex is worth risking my family, not for someone who won't get a JOB. So you wonder why I won't cheat? THIS is why.
Confession #1147
We are separated and I have our kids. You’d think that if you truly wanted to stay married, you’d kiss up a bit. Apologize. Quit giving me constructive criticism. As the counselor said, “You are going to lose your wife, if you continue providing constructive criticism. She considers it abusive. “ You chose not to stop. Well, buddy…ya lost me. My attorney is sending you the papers this week. Oddly enough, I don’t feel sad but rather a huge sense of relief.
Confession #1148
Yes, your obesity is a problem.
You're not even thirty yet, and already have sleep apnea. You sleep
constantly, and I really think it's because of your weight and the apnea.
You're missing out on time with your son, and I'm afraid if you don't lose
the weight you'll miss out permanently. I'm afraid to send you to the
doctor for a physical, because I'm afraid we're going to find out you're
diabetic, among other things.
And it DOES impact our sex life.
I know you've been losing weight, and I AM proud of you, but it's a CONSTANT
battle, and it's tiring for me to have to watch you constantly to police
everything you put in your mouth. Getting you to exercise is nearly
impossible. I can't help but wonder: if you really wanted this for
yourself, would I have to be on you every single day like this? Would you be
fighting me every step of the way like this? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing
as much work as you are, for YOU to lose the weight. And it's a really
thankless job. You've told me, when I complain, that you do appreciate what
I'm doing, but still every day you act like it's ME imposing upon YOU with
these demands.
I love you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. And I know
you think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but sometimes I worry that the
rest of our lives isn't going to be that long ... because you're not even
thirty and you already STOP BREATHING WHEN YOU SLEEP.
Confession #1149
Everyone – family, friends, and my customers – helped me celebrate my 38th birthday. It was lovely. I felt so warm and loved. My husband called and made me cry. He badgered me until I cried. What would have been wrong with calling and wishing me a happy birthday? Invite me out to dinner. What about a card or present. He wants me to dismiss the divorce. Hmm….how about showing a bit of kindness?
Confession #1150
When you kiss me I secretly puke in my mouth. I have hated you ever since I found out you were still talking to her. No you did not have sex, but telling her you love her and want to have a family with her is worse. Secretly meeting with her and finding ways to see her. You tell me you love me? I think you just say that so I won't walk out. So many times I have walked out. But I walk back because the home is my security. I am so glad you spend most of your time out of town to work. Thats my piece of mind. And don't think I am a dumbass when you ask me what I am doing every second of the day. Making sure I am not going to visit you and screw up your secret life. Good God idiot. I hate that I hate myself for staying. I hate that I always want to know whos calling. You get mad and ask me whats wrong when I go into a daze? Well asshole how about feeling like Im second place. I am tired of rehearsing and putting on a show for all of our friends and family.
You say you keep trying to make things better? How are you doing that. By talking in your sleep of how much you love her and want to be with her. When I ask you about it you say you have no idea why your thinking this. Once again idiot. I am so tired of lying to you all the time about how things are getting better. I say that so you will just leave me alone. Your constant need to be around me now is a little to late. Your love letters saying how sorry you are, ya your a sorry piece of work and I just toss them away.
I keep asking myself why I will not leave. There is only one reason. You are an incredible father and have never made the children feel like they are second place. You give them so much attention and make their world so much better. They don't know you have lied. They don't know you have made mommy cry. They don't know that this year you have taken home the idiot award. I will never tell them. They don't need to know.
I wish I could tell you that you have completely destroyed me. Destroyed my faith in you and what we once had. I dont trust or or belive anything you say. I also hope you just walk out the door and not come home. That would make things easier for me, for the kids no but for me yes. So I will just go on daydreaming that the whore leaves her husband and comes to get you.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
True Wife Confession 114 STS
Confession #1131
Really, this is just getting ridiculous.
Let me make this clear: all grown-ups have to work. Just because you have a job does not mean you are special. Everyone has a job.
I know you have a hard job. This does not entitle you to ignore everyone at home and forget your son’s activities.
I love you. I love you very much and I’m so proud of you for getting such a great job.
But please don’t let it ruin our marriage.
Confession #1132
It makes me so angry when you take my ideas and pass them off as your own. You will also pick my brain for information and then parrot it back to me at a later date (or to someone else) and act like it was something you knew all along. Would it kill you to give me credit? I am not nearly as stupid as you like to imply that I am. Quit trying to tear me down, it will not work.
Confession #1133
Why are there so many unhappy wives?
Confession #1134
It's become apparent to me, that I will never be enough for you.
Not pretty enough,
not thin enough,
not young enough.
But mark my words, one day you will want me...and I will be sooo over you.
Confession #1135
I apologize to myself for having to pretend to have two or three orgasms every time. It wasn't enough to fake just one. Now I have to pull off multiples.At first It was enough for me to see YOU satisfied, but it has gotten old. I can't even begin to tell you because I can't imagine how you would react or what you would think! Maybe that's why I'm so tired all the time. I am NOT one of those blessed women that is able to cum over and over again. I am one of those poor unfortunate souls that has to pretend to enjoy making love to my husband.......
Confession #1136
To my friend's husband;
Just because your wife is not going to work, outside of your home, everyday,
does not mean she does not have a days worth of work!
You have a 7 week old son, who is nursing every few hours, needs to be changed, bathed, and well she sometimes just wants to cuddle with him.
So getting your bar finished and painting the laundry room and guests rooms, can fucking wait.
Enjoy your son, while he is a baby, and stopping worrying about your home renovations!
Confession #1137
You know I really hate the fact that you can’t do anything on your own.
Confession #1138
I'm so glad your family live the other side of the world. i get stressed listening to your selfish sister on the phone. i wish i could say something to her but i know it wouldn't do you any favours in your family.
i hate the fact that your sister is your parent's favourite. god knows why.
Confession #1139
When I say he is just my friend and I don't want him in that way it's a lie. If I weren't with you I would be all over him. I have so many men that would be knocking at my door if we weren't together yet I give you all my time, all my energy, all my love. And for what? You try to change me, to make me this perfect person. You want to mold me into what you want. Why are you even with me if I wasn't what you wanted? Did you figure the template was good enough for you to build on? You want me to think like you, eat like you, walk like you, talk like you. You are nowhere near perfect. You don't even visit your family. How can you say that your way is the right way? I am and will remain faithful, but I will not remain unhappy. Something has to change and soon. It's too bad that when we talk I can't tell you these things. Instead we argue. We go around in circles resolving nothing. I love you, but it's getting easier and easier to not like you. It's getting easier and easier to accept attention from other men even if it is just a compliment here and there. Shape up or it's gonna end.
Confession #1140
I can't remember the last time you smiled with genuine happiness. I can't remember the last time you and I had a fun time together. Last week when we went out for your birthday, after getting the babysitter and finally having some time together, we sat in the restaurant booth in mostly silence. I didn't enjoy my time with you at all. That makes me so incredibly sad. We used to be so in love that every stolen moment was magical. Now I just feel like the past 9 years of baggage, which just grows, and grows...will eventually tear us apart.
The mistakes you have made financially have made an anger grow inside me like you wouldn't believe. I've been busting my ass trying to pay off the enormous debts you've incurred by trying to start stupid "Get rich quick" schemes. Then you got over that phase and got an education. You graduate in March with your bachelor's degree and I am proud of that. But now that you've landed a job you finally love, you feel entitled to treat yourself. NO, you may not buy a convertible. You may be just starting out, but 35K a year is NOT the income that can afford a convertible. Not to mention the 50K in student loans we'll be paying off until we are almost retired. What in the hell makes you think you can buy a convertible, or a Harley, or a new big house? I shake my head in disbelief. Yet I am a bitch for always 'destroying your dreams'. Material dreams. I already told you we'd save (even though it's gonna hurt like a bitch) to get you a used Harley soon. I give in all the time for your new computer gadgets. Did you forget?
What about my dreams? They are simple. I don't care about money (even though I have saved our asses more times than I can count because I am sooooo much smarter about money)...I care about our kids and family. About being together and doing things that mean something, not going out and buying some nifty expensive materialistic crap. I want another baby so badly that it hurts, yet you care more about money and yourself than completing our family and enjoying it.
You are not the person I married. I married a sensitive, artistic, interesting, happy man who cried when he was happy or sad without worrying about who saw it. A strong man who was going to make it in the world with the woman he loved no matter what the past dealt him. Now you are a bitter, silent, brooding person who has suddenly become a 'victim' of your past. You NEED this materialistic stuff because you never had it in your childhood. Well, neither did I! The fact that we are becoming such different people is breaking my heart in two. I don't even know where to go from here...but to work and work to pay off our debts and try to raise my children to be strong and happy with the simple things in life. I can't say with certainty if we will make it. Even though I can still, through it all, see the man I fell madly in love with.
Really, this is just getting ridiculous.
Let me make this clear: all grown-ups have to work. Just because you have a job does not mean you are special. Everyone has a job.
I know you have a hard job. This does not entitle you to ignore everyone at home and forget your son’s activities.
I love you. I love you very much and I’m so proud of you for getting such a great job.
But please don’t let it ruin our marriage.
Confession #1132
It makes me so angry when you take my ideas and pass them off as your own. You will also pick my brain for information and then parrot it back to me at a later date (or to someone else) and act like it was something you knew all along. Would it kill you to give me credit? I am not nearly as stupid as you like to imply that I am. Quit trying to tear me down, it will not work.
Confession #1133
Why are there so many unhappy wives?
Confession #1134
It's become apparent to me, that I will never be enough for you.
Not pretty enough,
not thin enough,
not young enough.
But mark my words, one day you will want me...and I will be sooo over you.
Confession #1135
I apologize to myself for having to pretend to have two or three orgasms every time. It wasn't enough to fake just one. Now I have to pull off multiples.At first It was enough for me to see YOU satisfied, but it has gotten old. I can't even begin to tell you because I can't imagine how you would react or what you would think! Maybe that's why I'm so tired all the time. I am NOT one of those blessed women that is able to cum over and over again. I am one of those poor unfortunate souls that has to pretend to enjoy making love to my husband.......
Confession #1136
To my friend's husband;
Just because your wife is not going to work, outside of your home, everyday,
does not mean she does not have a days worth of work!
You have a 7 week old son, who is nursing every few hours, needs to be changed, bathed, and well she sometimes just wants to cuddle with him.
So getting your bar finished and painting the laundry room and guests rooms, can fucking wait.
Enjoy your son, while he is a baby, and stopping worrying about your home renovations!
Confession #1137
You know I really hate the fact that you can’t do anything on your own.
Confession #1138
I'm so glad your family live the other side of the world. i get stressed listening to your selfish sister on the phone. i wish i could say something to her but i know it wouldn't do you any favours in your family.
i hate the fact that your sister is your parent's favourite. god knows why.
Confession #1139
When I say he is just my friend and I don't want him in that way it's a lie. If I weren't with you I would be all over him. I have so many men that would be knocking at my door if we weren't together yet I give you all my time, all my energy, all my love. And for what? You try to change me, to make me this perfect person. You want to mold me into what you want. Why are you even with me if I wasn't what you wanted? Did you figure the template was good enough for you to build on? You want me to think like you, eat like you, walk like you, talk like you. You are nowhere near perfect. You don't even visit your family. How can you say that your way is the right way? I am and will remain faithful, but I will not remain unhappy. Something has to change and soon. It's too bad that when we talk I can't tell you these things. Instead we argue. We go around in circles resolving nothing. I love you, but it's getting easier and easier to not like you. It's getting easier and easier to accept attention from other men even if it is just a compliment here and there. Shape up or it's gonna end.
Confession #1140
I can't remember the last time you smiled with genuine happiness. I can't remember the last time you and I had a fun time together. Last week when we went out for your birthday, after getting the babysitter and finally having some time together, we sat in the restaurant booth in mostly silence. I didn't enjoy my time with you at all. That makes me so incredibly sad. We used to be so in love that every stolen moment was magical. Now I just feel like the past 9 years of baggage, which just grows, and grows...will eventually tear us apart.
The mistakes you have made financially have made an anger grow inside me like you wouldn't believe. I've been busting my ass trying to pay off the enormous debts you've incurred by trying to start stupid "Get rich quick" schemes. Then you got over that phase and got an education. You graduate in March with your bachelor's degree and I am proud of that. But now that you've landed a job you finally love, you feel entitled to treat yourself. NO, you may not buy a convertible. You may be just starting out, but 35K a year is NOT the income that can afford a convertible. Not to mention the 50K in student loans we'll be paying off until we are almost retired. What in the hell makes you think you can buy a convertible, or a Harley, or a new big house? I shake my head in disbelief. Yet I am a bitch for always 'destroying your dreams'. Material dreams. I already told you we'd save (even though it's gonna hurt like a bitch) to get you a used Harley soon. I give in all the time for your new computer gadgets. Did you forget?
What about my dreams? They are simple. I don't care about money (even though I have saved our asses more times than I can count because I am sooooo much smarter about money)...I care about our kids and family. About being together and doing things that mean something, not going out and buying some nifty expensive materialistic crap. I want another baby so badly that it hurts, yet you care more about money and yourself than completing our family and enjoying it.
You are not the person I married. I married a sensitive, artistic, interesting, happy man who cried when he was happy or sad without worrying about who saw it. A strong man who was going to make it in the world with the woman he loved no matter what the past dealt him. Now you are a bitter, silent, brooding person who has suddenly become a 'victim' of your past. You NEED this materialistic stuff because you never had it in your childhood. Well, neither did I! The fact that we are becoming such different people is breaking my heart in two. I don't even know where to go from here...but to work and work to pay off our debts and try to raise my children to be strong and happy with the simple things in life. I can't say with certainty if we will make it. Even though I can still, through it all, see the man I fell madly in love with.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
True Wife Confessions 113 Calhoun Street
Confession #1121
Honey,
As I sat across the table from you tonight and watched you eat that enormous salad with Emeril's "Bam" all over it I couldn't help but think of how unattracted I was to you. I mean, kudos for losing the 140lb in 7 months. Unfortunatley now you look like an anorexic freak, like a melted form of your former self. You're all boney and your skin is flabby. It is a complete turn off and that is why we no longer have sex. I'm hoping that someday you decide to pick up a barbell and start packing on some muscle. Right now you look like a clothes hanger in your shirts. Have a fucking sandwich for christsake.
Oh, and this business of "going off my antidepressants" is driving me crazy. Your mood swings are just about more than I can handle. You mostly act like a 4 year old and I feel like slapping you silly. Get a fucking grip. Life is hard. All your "flooding emotions" make me want to throw up.
Grow up and gain some weight.
Confession #1122
I think the affairs I am having are saving our marriage. I actually love you more and our sex life has gotten a little better. Part of it is that I know that other men (also married) find me attractive - I'm not waiting for you to say anymore. I actually mean it when I tell you that I love you, for the first time in years.
Confession #1123
I wish that I could open up to you and let you know what I feel. But every time I've tried, you throw everything back in my face.
I wish you would realize that every time you treat me like crap, I hate you just a little more. Long ago the hate overtook the love.
I wish we'd never moved to the city together. You talked me into a place that costs too much for one salary, so I couldn't throw you out.
I wish you'd just go ahead and leave, like you tried to do in the past. I was stupid then, afraid of being alone. I'm not now.
Confession #1124
Everyone always tells me how lucky I am to have
married you. I agree with that statement on my end but
you, poor man, were doomed from the day you met me.
I don't really understand why you treat me so well.
Why you allow me to dictate every waking moment of
your life. Why you allow me to stay in bed all day
while you play with the kids and clean the house only
to be yelled at by me when you quietly come into the
bedroom to ask me what I'd like for dinner.
I make more money than you do. This doesn't bother you
at all but it does bother me. Why don't you try
harder? Why don't you go back to school? Why don't you
do something so that I won't have to keep going to
this job that I despise and can do something that I
might actually enjoy for less money?
Why do I feel like you're obligated to do this for me?
Confession #1125
I don't particulary care about sex with you. I'm
prefectly happy not doing it but this is the one thing
that you try to force your will on. I've been woken up
on so many occasions with my underwear pulled down and
you trying to force my legs open.
Last night, I told you the next time I would call the
police and have you arrested for rape. I've told you
this before and it hasn't stopped you yet. I ask
myself why don't I just give in to sex a couple of
times a week or just end it all already and divorce
you so you can find someone who enjoys your nocturnal
advances.
Confession #1126
We've been together for 11 years now. I've already
cheated on you twice, both times ended every badly as
I became immediately needy and clingy to these men. It
wasn't about the sex but rather being around a man who
I found exciting and smarter than I was.
Someone who made their own decisions. Someone who had
ambition. Someone who treated me badly.
You don't know about those other men and I have no
intention to tell you. I like to think it's because it
would hurt you too badly and I haven't done it for
going on 6 years now but in reality, it's because I
want to keep the door open for other opportunities. I
don't want you looking over my shoulder.
There's another man at work who fits all the
aforementioned criteria. I know that if I continue
working there we will both end up cheating on our
spouses. I know it yet I am hoping it happens. I
daydream about him and make little excuses to stop by
his office.
He invites me to go out with a group of people after
work but I haven't gone. Yet. I know it's wrong and I
know it only end in tears. Why am I doing this to us?
Why can't you see that I can't be the one in control
because I only fuck everything up? Why can't you see
that?
Confession #1127
WHY oh why must you sulk and pout like a big wimpy baby when I ask you to do anything with my family? Why do you feel free to talk badly about my mother and my brother and just let everything with your ANNOYING family (especially your mother) just go??? I am sick of keeping my family on hold until the very last minute for Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. If my family did this, you would be pissed, but since it's your family, no big deal. I am sick sick sick of your silent act, and frankly, I don't give a shit right now if you ever talk to me again.
Confession #1128
More often than not, I wish you’d drop dead.
Confession #1129
Here's a shout out to anonymous confessing - I love that I can write in and see my thoughts and feelings in type, and share them with you all out there. Ladies, whoever you are, I love our common thread. Even if often times our common threads are idiot males who are putting us through living hell.
Here's my latest. I hate to say that my feelings for you have changed so much - when I thought so highly of marriage and committment, and all that goes along with those things. I used to preach like I knew what I was talking about - it was easy to do before I was actually married. I knew it wouldn't be easy - and I am okay with that, but what I didn't realize was that when we got married, that I would lose all of my physical attraction to you. We went out recently and every time you touched me I wanted to run screaming in the other direction. You talked to another girl most of the night at that party, and you know what? I WANTED you to take her home. Knowing that that would be the last thing on earth you would ever do ... but why not? Please. Have an affair. Fall in love with someone who isn't me. Do something so I won't feel like such a complete ass for wanting out of our marriage. You are the best man on the planet. And what I want is sex. Not from you. I know that I should be careful about what I wish for - I may just get it. But you know what? I deserve it. I should be miserable for awhile. I had an affair. I've already started lying to new guys I meet about what my life is like. And I know that there isn't another you out there. I don't know what to do, and baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I have to do this alone for awhile - maybe a long while. Maybe forever.
Confession #1130
I'm so tired of your temper. You think just because you've never hit me that it's okay. It's not. You're impatience with the kids isn't okay either. I know that they're annoying. I know that they whine. I know that they cry at the drop of a hat and then continue to cry for half an hour. I'm the one that's here with them ALL.DAY.LONG. Is it too much to ask that when you're home for the 2 1/2 hours until bedtime that you are patient and kind and don't yell at them constantly? Things here are relatively happy until you come home- then everyone is crying until I put them in bed. They're kids. It's what they do. They're a heck of a lot easier to deal with if you treat them with respect and love rather then demands and knee jerk reactions.
I don't know what's happened to you. But I don't like it.
If I ever chance to bring up something you may do differently parenting-wise it's met with anger and you throwing back into my face my lack of perfection. I know I'm not perfect. Believe me. But do you think maybe that since I'm the one that spends 24/7 with these kids and since I'm the one that reads the books, magazines, and websites about child rearing that maybe, just maybe that maybe I might be able to tell you what works a little better? When are you going to realize that half the reason they don't listen to you is that you don't enforce what you say until you've said it 10 times. There's a reason that all I have to do is start counting before they jump- they know that I'm serious when they see that first finger go up. Also- the empty threats? That doesn't work either. They know very well that you're not going to throw all their toys away, make them walk home on the freeway, or make them sleep in the backyard. They're not dumb.
Neither am I. Yet I feel like you think I am whenever I make a comment you don't agree with. I don't think you realize how much I read and study about politics, history, different religions, the environment ect. But if I don't agree with you then I must be wrong. I miss talking to you. Now you're not interested in hearing me talk- just having me listen. Sometimes I have things to say too. But I don't think you care.
I feel like I'm retreating farther and farther into myself when you're around. I'm not free to be me with you- so I save myself for other people. Doesn't that make you at least a little bit sad? It should.
Sometimes I think that I made a huge mistake- that if I'd waited longer I'd have met someone that I'd have been more compatiable with. That makes me sad. Yet- because of the kids I'm not leaving. Yet. You need to get on the ball with your temper and your attitude before you kill off the best part of me.
I hope you read this. I hope you know that it's me writing. Most of all I hope it makes a difference.
Honey,
As I sat across the table from you tonight and watched you eat that enormous salad with Emeril's "Bam" all over it I couldn't help but think of how unattracted I was to you. I mean, kudos for losing the 140lb in 7 months. Unfortunatley now you look like an anorexic freak, like a melted form of your former self. You're all boney and your skin is flabby. It is a complete turn off and that is why we no longer have sex. I'm hoping that someday you decide to pick up a barbell and start packing on some muscle. Right now you look like a clothes hanger in your shirts. Have a fucking sandwich for christsake.
Oh, and this business of "going off my antidepressants" is driving me crazy. Your mood swings are just about more than I can handle. You mostly act like a 4 year old and I feel like slapping you silly. Get a fucking grip. Life is hard. All your "flooding emotions" make me want to throw up.
Grow up and gain some weight.
Confession #1122
I think the affairs I am having are saving our marriage. I actually love you more and our sex life has gotten a little better. Part of it is that I know that other men (also married) find me attractive - I'm not waiting for you to say anymore. I actually mean it when I tell you that I love you, for the first time in years.
Confession #1123
I wish that I could open up to you and let you know what I feel. But every time I've tried, you throw everything back in my face.
I wish you would realize that every time you treat me like crap, I hate you just a little more. Long ago the hate overtook the love.
I wish we'd never moved to the city together. You talked me into a place that costs too much for one salary, so I couldn't throw you out.
I wish you'd just go ahead and leave, like you tried to do in the past. I was stupid then, afraid of being alone. I'm not now.
Confession #1124
Everyone always tells me how lucky I am to have
married you. I agree with that statement on my end but
you, poor man, were doomed from the day you met me.
I don't really understand why you treat me so well.
Why you allow me to dictate every waking moment of
your life. Why you allow me to stay in bed all day
while you play with the kids and clean the house only
to be yelled at by me when you quietly come into the
bedroom to ask me what I'd like for dinner.
I make more money than you do. This doesn't bother you
at all but it does bother me. Why don't you try
harder? Why don't you go back to school? Why don't you
do something so that I won't have to keep going to
this job that I despise and can do something that I
might actually enjoy for less money?
Why do I feel like you're obligated to do this for me?
Confession #1125
I don't particulary care about sex with you. I'm
prefectly happy not doing it but this is the one thing
that you try to force your will on. I've been woken up
on so many occasions with my underwear pulled down and
you trying to force my legs open.
Last night, I told you the next time I would call the
police and have you arrested for rape. I've told you
this before and it hasn't stopped you yet. I ask
myself why don't I just give in to sex a couple of
times a week or just end it all already and divorce
you so you can find someone who enjoys your nocturnal
advances.
Confession #1126
We've been together for 11 years now. I've already
cheated on you twice, both times ended every badly as
I became immediately needy and clingy to these men. It
wasn't about the sex but rather being around a man who
I found exciting and smarter than I was.
Someone who made their own decisions. Someone who had
ambition. Someone who treated me badly.
You don't know about those other men and I have no
intention to tell you. I like to think it's because it
would hurt you too badly and I haven't done it for
going on 6 years now but in reality, it's because I
want to keep the door open for other opportunities. I
don't want you looking over my shoulder.
There's another man at work who fits all the
aforementioned criteria. I know that if I continue
working there we will both end up cheating on our
spouses. I know it yet I am hoping it happens. I
daydream about him and make little excuses to stop by
his office.
He invites me to go out with a group of people after
work but I haven't gone. Yet. I know it's wrong and I
know it only end in tears. Why am I doing this to us?
Why can't you see that I can't be the one in control
because I only fuck everything up? Why can't you see
that?
Confession #1127
WHY oh why must you sulk and pout like a big wimpy baby when I ask you to do anything with my family? Why do you feel free to talk badly about my mother and my brother and just let everything with your ANNOYING family (especially your mother) just go??? I am sick of keeping my family on hold until the very last minute for Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. If my family did this, you would be pissed, but since it's your family, no big deal. I am sick sick sick of your silent act, and frankly, I don't give a shit right now if you ever talk to me again.
Confession #1128
More often than not, I wish you’d drop dead.
Confession #1129
Here's a shout out to anonymous confessing - I love that I can write in and see my thoughts and feelings in type, and share them with you all out there. Ladies, whoever you are, I love our common thread. Even if often times our common threads are idiot males who are putting us through living hell.
Here's my latest. I hate to say that my feelings for you have changed so much - when I thought so highly of marriage and committment, and all that goes along with those things. I used to preach like I knew what I was talking about - it was easy to do before I was actually married. I knew it wouldn't be easy - and I am okay with that, but what I didn't realize was that when we got married, that I would lose all of my physical attraction to you. We went out recently and every time you touched me I wanted to run screaming in the other direction. You talked to another girl most of the night at that party, and you know what? I WANTED you to take her home. Knowing that that would be the last thing on earth you would ever do ... but why not? Please. Have an affair. Fall in love with someone who isn't me. Do something so I won't feel like such a complete ass for wanting out of our marriage. You are the best man on the planet. And what I want is sex. Not from you. I know that I should be careful about what I wish for - I may just get it. But you know what? I deserve it. I should be miserable for awhile. I had an affair. I've already started lying to new guys I meet about what my life is like. And I know that there isn't another you out there. I don't know what to do, and baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I have to do this alone for awhile - maybe a long while. Maybe forever.
Confession #1130
I'm so tired of your temper. You think just because you've never hit me that it's okay. It's not. You're impatience with the kids isn't okay either. I know that they're annoying. I know that they whine. I know that they cry at the drop of a hat and then continue to cry for half an hour. I'm the one that's here with them ALL.DAY.LONG. Is it too much to ask that when you're home for the 2 1/2 hours until bedtime that you are patient and kind and don't yell at them constantly? Things here are relatively happy until you come home- then everyone is crying until I put them in bed. They're kids. It's what they do. They're a heck of a lot easier to deal with if you treat them with respect and love rather then demands and knee jerk reactions.
I don't know what's happened to you. But I don't like it.
If I ever chance to bring up something you may do differently parenting-wise it's met with anger and you throwing back into my face my lack of perfection. I know I'm not perfect. Believe me. But do you think maybe that since I'm the one that spends 24/7 with these kids and since I'm the one that reads the books, magazines, and websites about child rearing that maybe, just maybe that maybe I might be able to tell you what works a little better? When are you going to realize that half the reason they don't listen to you is that you don't enforce what you say until you've said it 10 times. There's a reason that all I have to do is start counting before they jump- they know that I'm serious when they see that first finger go up. Also- the empty threats? That doesn't work either. They know very well that you're not going to throw all their toys away, make them walk home on the freeway, or make them sleep in the backyard. They're not dumb.
Neither am I. Yet I feel like you think I am whenever I make a comment you don't agree with. I don't think you realize how much I read and study about politics, history, different religions, the environment ect. But if I don't agree with you then I must be wrong. I miss talking to you. Now you're not interested in hearing me talk- just having me listen. Sometimes I have things to say too. But I don't think you care.
I feel like I'm retreating farther and farther into myself when you're around. I'm not free to be me with you- so I save myself for other people. Doesn't that make you at least a little bit sad? It should.
Sometimes I think that I made a huge mistake- that if I'd waited longer I'd have met someone that I'd have been more compatiable with. That makes me sad. Yet- because of the kids I'm not leaving. Yet. You need to get on the ball with your temper and your attitude before you kill off the best part of me.
I hope you read this. I hope you know that it's me writing. Most of all I hope it makes a difference.
Monday, November 06, 2006
True Wife Confession Room 112 where the play-ahs dwell
Confession #1111
I love him............... I would do him without any shame at all. I would enjoy every minute of it and would be without any conscience because I have NONE........... now I feel better.
Confession #1112
Finding out that your car was repossessed was the bright spot in my dreary day.
I'm just glad I didn't stick around long enough for you to fuck up my credit
too. Oh, and hearing about your eviction last week, that was pretty great too.
Let the new fiance deal with your financial issues. I'm done paying for your
mistakes.
And please, please, please, stop calling me to tell me how wonderful your life
is. I'm pretty cure having no place to live and no car to get to work in isn't
so peachy. I know your life sucks, I'm glad it does. Get over it.
Confession #1113
If I was who you thought I was, would you still love me?
If you knew what I was really like – would you still see goodness in me…somewhere?
If you thought that I had done the things that I have, would you be as disgusted with me as I am?
If you could see past my smile and look beyond the dinner that I just put in front of you, could you see that I am a lost soul.
Do you know that I am crying all day, silently…whilst I laugh and play with the children.
Would it bother you to know that I lock myself in the closet and scream the scream that only the loneliest can?
Do you fucking CARE that I am not an extension of you?
I am so done.
With this
You
Life
I am so, utterly alone.
You have no idea who I am.
Confession #1114
The one thing that drives me insane about my man.
I love you with all my heart. You are by far the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I am watching Lost on Wednesday nights after finally getting the baby to sleep and you're sitting there with me kinda bored because you don't know what's going on, please please PLEASE SHUT UP! Yes, I know I can watch it again the next day online, but I don't care. I like to sit down those three times a week and the whole 6 hours I watch telly and actually HEAR what's going on. I don't wnat to have a conversation with you all through the show. I don't need your running commentary on it. Go find something else to do. Isn't there a football game you can go watch in the bedroom or something like you do during Desperate Housewives?
Confession #1115
From one wife to another:
I want desperately to be a good friend and to be a good person but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to do both. Your husband is a mean, controlling, bully. And I'm scared for you. But you've made it clear to me that you're content with the relationship despite his tendencies towards aggression and that you won't consider leaving him. So now what? A good friend would respect your choices and your marriage and support you in your decision to make this horrible relationship work. But a good person wouldn't sit back, being "supportive" while a woman and her 4 kids were being terrorized next door. Where does that leave me? I've been making myself sick over this.
And I'm really sorry that I offended you yesterday when I said that he needs to get his lazy ass up and get a job, he needs to start respecting all the (paid and unpaid) work you do every day to keep your family afloat, he needs to realize that in consensual relationships sex and affection are earned not demanded, he needs to learn that putting his hands on you is a crime punishable by jail time, and he needs to learn that you are a grown-ass woman who's smart and capable as hell and that you don't need his bullshit. The last thing I wanted to do was "hit you when you were down" and I realize now that it wasn't what you needed to hear at the moment. But sweetie, you DO need to hear it at some point. Because he's not the only one who needs to be convinced of all those things.
Please understand that I care about you a lot, and I'm trying like hell to walk this crazy tightrope of respecting your wishes without disrespecting my own personal sense of human dignity. And please know that if you ever do decide to kick his sorry ass to the curb, I'll be right behind you wearing my big, bad, steel-toed boots.
Confession #1116
hello to the true wife confession fans.
i'm confessing my betrayal to all of you.i thought i was happily married until i met a man that swept me off my feet. i'm the worst person i know my loving husband never did anything to desire what i did after 13 years of marriage i slept with another man (somewhat) he was wonderful to me, maybe i was stupid to think that he really loved me. i almost lost my husband and my family because of this. sure he gave me the moon and stars, and anything i asked for but i told him i was leaving my husband for him, he told me not to because he was not worth me leaving my husband. i tried to convence him that we would be a big happy family. HOW STUPID OF ME!!!!!!!
we stopped seeing each other after of 6 months of pure love. and now i'm back home with my husband and children, but not a day goes by that i don't think about him.
Confession #1117
Two weeks ago, when we argued, it was different. You did it in front of the kids, and we vowed to never do that. You grabbed my wrist, and wouldn't let go. That scared me, since I can never tell when you've been drinking.
Last night, we argued again. Again, you did it in front of the kids, even though I tried to take them out of the room. Again, you've been drinking. This time, you wrapped your hands around my neck, and tried to choke me.
In front of the kids.
It happened so fast, I thought I imagained it. I should have called the police, but I wasn't even sure it even happened. Except our daughter was crying hysterically.
This is from my heart:
If you ever touch me again, it will be the last thing you do. I will get a knife and fucking stab you like an animal. Don't bring out the chola in me. Don't make me do it. I'll fucking ventilate you, and not think twice about it.
Don't test me.
Tell that to your buddies at the country club.
Confession #1118
I already know what I'm putting on your tombstone:
Wonderful father.
Lousy husband.
This is what gets me through the day sometimes.
COnfession #1119
ou arent my husband, or my boyfriend, but youre a man that I live with, so i think that you count...
Ok. buddy...you live with 2 women. You see us clean DAILY. We have a dishwasher-JUST PUT YOUR DIRTY DISHES IN IT! IT IS 1 FOOT AWAY FROM THE SINK! and if it is full...UNLOAD IT! How do you think those clean dishes get out of there??? WE PUT THEM AWAY!!! I realize you are in school and dont have a job, but we do. We work A LOT. And we still manage to clean our large home. When i leave to go to my BF's and you are laying on the couch, then i come home at noon the next day and you are still there....there when i go to work...you obviously have plenty of time to clean. if you have time to watch Family guy and the Simpsons, and Cartoons ALLLLLLL day, then maybe you can find the time to put your dirty cup in the dishwasher. And you need to start cleaning the house. I know you think "it isnt dirty". It isnt dirty bc we clean! You sit and watch us do it! you actually layed onthe couch and watched me vaccuum up the leaves you drag in. And you and i share a bathroom. WIPE YOURE PUBES OUT OF THE SHOWER! They arent from me!! i have blonde hair on my head and no hair anywhere else!!! stop spitting on the sink when you brush!! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, if you leave shit marks in the toliet give it another flush!!! ive asked you A MILLION TIMES ｔｏ ＷＩＰＥ ＹＯＵＲ ＰＵＢＥＳ ＯＵＴ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＳＨＯＷＥＲ， ｖｅｒｙ ｎｉｃｌｅｙ， ｂｕｔ ｌａｓｔ ｎｉｇｈｔ ｗｈｅｎ ｉ ｗａｓ ｓｈｏｗｅｒｉｎｇ ａｎｄ ｆｏｕｎｄ １ ｓｔｕｃｋ ｔｏ ｍｅ ｉ ｆｌｉｐｐｅｄ ｏｕｔ， ａｎｄ．．．．ｉ ｐｅｅｄ ｏｎ ｙｏｕｒ ｌｏｏｆａｈ！ ：－）
Confession #1120
I hate you. I have never hated anyone. But you are so full of hate you get nothing better in return. You hate women. You hate yourself. You hated your poor mother, may she rest in peace. You hate everyone and everything around you because everyone is happier and better off than you. You are miserable and pathetic, scrawny and sickly and weak. I left you over three years ago when I was three weeks pregnant because it was right. I wasn't about to subject my innocent baby to your abuse. I was so scared and screwed up and it took me a long time to get back on my feet, but I am, almost. It would help if you paid child support but I really don't care. You never will.
I am beautiful. Period. I was not fat when we were married. All the mooing at me, watching every bite I ate, calling me Babe the Pig? You know what that did to me. That's why you did it. I was a size 6, for god's sake. I was gorgeous and sexy then. And I'm gorgeous and sexy now, and I finally realized it, even with this extra baby weight that I still can't get rid of. I was and still am a fucking bombshell, like Callie on Grey's Anatomy. He thinks so too. He loves my body, my curves, my breasts and thighs and ass. But you tried to make me believe it was because I wasn't sexy that you couldn't keep it up.
I met him just a couple months after I left you, totally by chance, and I knew right away, that very second. And I didn't want a relationship yet - I was so screwed up from all the abuse you dished out, verbal and physical, that I didn't want to go near him. I almost gave him up. But he loved me enough that I'm ok now. I'm not angry at you anymore, but I detest you with every fibre of my being. I'm not scared of you anymore, but if you ever come near me it will be the end of you. I have found my power, finally. I will never see you again. You will never see us, and if you do find us someday, he'll beat the shit out of you. He's much bigger than you, and is so many other things that through genetics or bad upbringing or insecurity you will never be. MY daughter (yes, mine - you've never even seen her) is 2 1/2 now and beautiful and happy and wild and creative, and he loves her like his own. Like you never could, because you can't even stand yourself. And you know, we're not perfect together, me and him. We have grumpy moments, and the 6000 miles between us is so damn hard, but we've stuck it out and we know without a doubt that what we have, however 'imperfect,' is the real thing. But we've never had a fight, and he's never raised a hand to me. We've never even yelled. We're a family, the three of us, and that's something you'll never have. I have hugged and kissed my baby girl goodnight every night of her life (except for that one week I was in Europe for a much-deserved vacation, even on my minimum wage salary), so you can keep your flat screen TV and pile of video game consoles that you seem to think makes your life so much better than mine. If you put them really close to your bed they just might keep you warm.
I love him............... I would do him without any shame at all. I would enjoy every minute of it and would be without any conscience because I have NONE........... now I feel better.
Confession #1112
Finding out that your car was repossessed was the bright spot in my dreary day.
I'm just glad I didn't stick around long enough for you to fuck up my credit
too. Oh, and hearing about your eviction last week, that was pretty great too.
Let the new fiance deal with your financial issues. I'm done paying for your
mistakes.
And please, please, please, stop calling me to tell me how wonderful your life
is. I'm pretty cure having no place to live and no car to get to work in isn't
so peachy. I know your life sucks, I'm glad it does. Get over it.
Confession #1113
If I was who you thought I was, would you still love me?
If you knew what I was really like – would you still see goodness in me…somewhere?
If you thought that I had done the things that I have, would you be as disgusted with me as I am?
If you could see past my smile and look beyond the dinner that I just put in front of you, could you see that I am a lost soul.
Do you know that I am crying all day, silently…whilst I laugh and play with the children.
Would it bother you to know that I lock myself in the closet and scream the scream that only the loneliest can?
Do you fucking CARE that I am not an extension of you?
I am so done.
With this
You
Life
I am so, utterly alone.
You have no idea who I am.
Confession #1114
The one thing that drives me insane about my man.
I love you with all my heart. You are by far the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I am watching Lost on Wednesday nights after finally getting the baby to sleep and you're sitting there with me kinda bored because you don't know what's going on, please please PLEASE SHUT UP! Yes, I know I can watch it again the next day online, but I don't care. I like to sit down those three times a week and the whole 6 hours I watch telly and actually HEAR what's going on. I don't wnat to have a conversation with you all through the show. I don't need your running commentary on it. Go find something else to do. Isn't there a football game you can go watch in the bedroom or something like you do during Desperate Housewives?
Confession #1115
From one wife to another:
I want desperately to be a good friend and to be a good person but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to do both. Your husband is a mean, controlling, bully. And I'm scared for you. But you've made it clear to me that you're content with the relationship despite his tendencies towards aggression and that you won't consider leaving him. So now what? A good friend would respect your choices and your marriage and support you in your decision to make this horrible relationship work. But a good person wouldn't sit back, being "supportive" while a woman and her 4 kids were being terrorized next door. Where does that leave me? I've been making myself sick over this.
And I'm really sorry that I offended you yesterday when I said that he needs to get his lazy ass up and get a job, he needs to start respecting all the (paid and unpaid) work you do every day to keep your family afloat, he needs to realize that in consensual relationships sex and affection are earned not demanded, he needs to learn that putting his hands on you is a crime punishable by jail time, and he needs to learn that you are a grown-ass woman who's smart and capable as hell and that you don't need his bullshit. The last thing I wanted to do was "hit you when you were down" and I realize now that it wasn't what you needed to hear at the moment. But sweetie, you DO need to hear it at some point. Because he's not the only one who needs to be convinced of all those things.
Please understand that I care about you a lot, and I'm trying like hell to walk this crazy tightrope of respecting your wishes without disrespecting my own personal sense of human dignity. And please know that if you ever do decide to kick his sorry ass to the curb, I'll be right behind you wearing my big, bad, steel-toed boots.
Confession #1116
hello to the true wife confession fans.
i'm confessing my betrayal to all of you.i thought i was happily married until i met a man that swept me off my feet. i'm the worst person i know my loving husband never did anything to desire what i did after 13 years of marriage i slept with another man (somewhat) he was wonderful to me, maybe i was stupid to think that he really loved me. i almost lost my husband and my family because of this. sure he gave me the moon and stars, and anything i asked for but i told him i was leaving my husband for him, he told me not to because he was not worth me leaving my husband. i tried to convence him that we would be a big happy family. HOW STUPID OF ME!!!!!!!
we stopped seeing each other after of 6 months of pure love. and now i'm back home with my husband and children, but not a day goes by that i don't think about him.
Confession #1117
Two weeks ago, when we argued, it was different. You did it in front of the kids, and we vowed to never do that. You grabbed my wrist, and wouldn't let go. That scared me, since I can never tell when you've been drinking.
Last night, we argued again. Again, you did it in front of the kids, even though I tried to take them out of the room. Again, you've been drinking. This time, you wrapped your hands around my neck, and tried to choke me.
In front of the kids.
It happened so fast, I thought I imagained it. I should have called the police, but I wasn't even sure it even happened. Except our daughter was crying hysterically.
This is from my heart:
If you ever touch me again, it will be the last thing you do. I will get a knife and fucking stab you like an animal. Don't bring out the chola in me. Don't make me do it. I'll fucking ventilate you, and not think twice about it.
Don't test me.
Tell that to your buddies at the country club.
Confession #1118
I already know what I'm putting on your tombstone:
Wonderful father.
Lousy husband.
This is what gets me through the day sometimes.
COnfession #1119
ou arent my husband, or my boyfriend, but youre a man that I live with, so i think that you count...
Ok. buddy...you live with 2 women. You see us clean DAILY. We have a dishwasher-JUST PUT YOUR DIRTY DISHES IN IT! IT IS 1 FOOT AWAY FROM THE SINK! and if it is full...UNLOAD IT! How do you think those clean dishes get out of there??? WE PUT THEM AWAY!!! I realize you are in school and dont have a job, but we do. We work A LOT. And we still manage to clean our large home. When i leave to go to my BF's and you are laying on the couch, then i come home at noon the next day and you are still there....there when i go to work...you obviously have plenty of time to clean. if you have time to watch Family guy and the Simpsons, and Cartoons ALLLLLLL day, then maybe you can find the time to put your dirty cup in the dishwasher. And you need to start cleaning the house. I know you think "it isnt dirty". It isnt dirty bc we clean! You sit and watch us do it! you actually layed onthe couch and watched me vaccuum up the leaves you drag in. And you and i share a bathroom. WIPE YOURE PUBES OUT OF THE SHOWER! They arent from me!! i have blonde hair on my head and no hair anywhere else!!! stop spitting on the sink when you brush!! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, if you leave shit marks in the toliet give it another flush!!! ive asked you A MILLION TIMES ｔｏ ＷＩＰＥ ＹＯＵＲ ＰＵＢＥＳ ＯＵＴ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＳＨＯＷＥＲ， ｖｅｒｙ ｎｉｃｌｅｙ， ｂｕｔ ｌａｓｔ ｎｉｇｈｔ ｗｈｅｎ ｉ ｗａｓ ｓｈｏｗｅｒｉｎｇ ａｎｄ ｆｏｕｎｄ １ ｓｔｕｃｋ ｔｏ ｍｅ ｉ ｆｌｉｐｐｅｄ ｏｕｔ， ａｎｄ．．．．ｉ ｐｅｅｄ ｏｎ ｙｏｕｒ ｌｏｏｆａｈ！ ：－）
Confession #1120
I hate you. I have never hated anyone. But you are so full of hate you get nothing better in return. You hate women. You hate yourself. You hated your poor mother, may she rest in peace. You hate everyone and everything around you because everyone is happier and better off than you. You are miserable and pathetic, scrawny and sickly and weak. I left you over three years ago when I was three weeks pregnant because it was right. I wasn't about to subject my innocent baby to your abuse. I was so scared and screwed up and it took me a long time to get back on my feet, but I am, almost. It would help if you paid child support but I really don't care. You never will.
I am beautiful. Period. I was not fat when we were married. All the mooing at me, watching every bite I ate, calling me Babe the Pig? You know what that did to me. That's why you did it. I was a size 6, for god's sake. I was gorgeous and sexy then. And I'm gorgeous and sexy now, and I finally realized it, even with this extra baby weight that I still can't get rid of. I was and still am a fucking bombshell, like Callie on Grey's Anatomy. He thinks so too. He loves my body, my curves, my breasts and thighs and ass. But you tried to make me believe it was because I wasn't sexy that you couldn't keep it up.
I met him just a couple months after I left you, totally by chance, and I knew right away, that very second. And I didn't want a relationship yet - I was so screwed up from all the abuse you dished out, verbal and physical, that I didn't want to go near him. I almost gave him up. But he loved me enough that I'm ok now. I'm not angry at you anymore, but I detest you with every fibre of my being. I'm not scared of you anymore, but if you ever come near me it will be the end of you. I have found my power, finally. I will never see you again. You will never see us, and if you do find us someday, he'll beat the shit out of you. He's much bigger than you, and is so many other things that through genetics or bad upbringing or insecurity you will never be. MY daughter (yes, mine - you've never even seen her) is 2 1/2 now and beautiful and happy and wild and creative, and he loves her like his own. Like you never could, because you can't even stand yourself. And you know, we're not perfect together, me and him. We have grumpy moments, and the 6000 miles between us is so damn hard, but we've stuck it out and we know without a doubt that what we have, however 'imperfect,' is the real thing. But we've never had a fight, and he's never raised a hand to me. We've never even yelled. We're a family, the three of us, and that's something you'll never have. I have hugged and kissed my baby girl goodnight every night of her life (except for that one week I was in Europe for a much-deserved vacation, even on my minimum wage salary), so you can keep your flat screen TV and pile of video game consoles that you seem to think makes your life so much better than mine. If you put them really close to your bed they just might keep you warm.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
True Wife Confession 111 - the age at which Bilbo Baggins left the Shire
Confession #1101
You say that you love me, but that you don't love me the way a husband should love a wife. You say you are broken and ask me to give you time to figure things out.
I've tried hard to be patient and do whatever I can to help you, but I am running out of gas. I feel empty, alone, and unloved.
I still love you and I am torn between doing whatever it takes to help you and taking care of myself and making sure that I don't get damaged further.
I just know I can't go on much longer like we are. You do nothing more than hug me. You do not kiss me or say "I love you" anymore. I feel like I am reduced to the position of live-in nanny/maid at our house--sleeping in the guest room for the past two weeks.
How much longer is it fair for me to endure this? How much longer until I make myself a priority? This may be working for you, but it is not working for me.
Confession #1102
I just cooked the driest turkey EVER (I really didn't want to kill us with undercooked meat, and we don't have a kitchen thermometer). And I was completely guessing at the gravy (first time I've made it at all), and it came out so lumpy (at least it tasted right)! And yet, you ate it all, cleaned your plate, all the while saying, "Mm, Baby, this is SO GOOD." Thank you for making me feel good about myself after a stressful day for both of us, and making me feel confident in one of the few areas we both enjoy (we have such divergent interests), and that you know is really important to me to be good at. I didn't even mind cleaning up after I cooked tonight. (Here's another confession: I usually hate it. I wish you'd volunteer to clean up more.) (Tonight you DID volunteer! And I said NO! Because I was so blown away that you were being so considerate, even after our stressful day.) I can't wait to get married in September. God I love you.
Confession #1103
I'll never forget when you yelled at me over the phone. The words, "fucking die," will always haunt me of how you really feel. I think you should go find someone who makes you happy. Obviously, being married to you doesn't exactly thrill me at all, anymore
Confession #1104
I have always wanted to tell you this. Your breath stinks and you you have horribly skinny legs. When you stand in front of me and THINK you are sexy......well you are not.
Your legs look like sticks and you are bald. But I love you anyways
Confession #1104
He broke my heart 12 years ago and now he's back. He says he will go to the
ends for the earth for me. I know that you love me to an extent but would
you go that far? Doubtful. He uses words such as "I'm so full of you, My
heart thumps so loudly in my chest when you are thought of", all I get from
you is "Your so full of it". I'm a strong person I know I can make it on my
own with 2 kids, not a doubt in my mind really, but would you let me leave?
or would you try to take away my kids for your own personal selfish reasons,
I know your mother would. She's an evil witchy woman of the worst kind.
Only time will tell.
Confession #1105
Telling me what a great father you could be AFTER convincing me that an
abortion was our ONLY option really fucking hurt. It was beyond
insensitive. Telling me you would have taken me to the doctor's after I
went by myself wasn't so great either. Finding out that the reason you
abandoned me while I was pregnant was that you were seeing an 18 YEAR
OLD GIRL hurt me more than you can imagine.
I am so thankful that neither myself or a child will be stuck with you
for the rest of our lives. But I will never ever forgive you for making
me give up on the one person I know I could have loved. I gave up
everything for you, for us. I did everything you asked. How could you?
Every word out of your mouth has been a lie. You broke every promise
you ever made to me.
The sad part is, after all you've put me through, I still love you.
Well, I don't love YOU, I love who you used to be. I love the man who
sent me flowers at work and held the door and brought coffee to the
office on his days off. I miss the terribly sweet, romantic, loving man
that I gave my life to. You are not that man anymore, and I hate you
for it.
Confession #1106
I think the reason I've gained about 20 pounds in the last 4 months is because I don't want to swap again. I know I agreed to it and liked it, but that's the problem- I liked it too much and I don't want to end up doing something stupid like doing it behind your back. I hate that I've gained the weight but I don't want to feel sexy... not to anyone but you. On the other hand I hate the weight and I miss the compliments and looks from other men. I guess I lack self control. I love you, husband.
Confession #1107
Does everyone have a certain 'someone' (obviously not their husband) that they day dream about a bit too frequently and would so like to act upon it, but don't ??? Because in the six years that I have been married, I have ALWAYS had crushes on different men at different times. Even when the marriage is going well.
Well, now I know that I can act on my current crush if I want. And people, I DO need to have some great sex. I know that the reality is it probably wouldn't be as incredible as I imagine it could be...but I sooo want to.
I try, I really have tried to make my husband better in bed. But, he is a SELFISH lover. He couldn't care less whether I come or not. Says he does, but never does anything about it. I do everything. He complains that we don't do it enough, but he actually never initiates it anymore. He watches way too much porn, and I think he thinks that that is how you are supposed to fuck someone. That I am going to have some huge orgasm by blowing him or something. Have tried explaining the term FAKE ORGASM, and that these women are acting (uh-hem). But, he just doesn't get it - and obviously does not get it, because I fake it all the time.
I know that if I act on this, it could all end in tears. I don't want to fall in love with anyone else, and I do want to be married (mostly) to my husband. But the most of the time, the sex is just not good. And there is only so much a vibrator can do, right?
I feel very guilty even writing this. But saying that, am I seriously going to have not even semi-good sex with this man for the rest of my life??????????
Confession #1108
I know we said we weren't buying Christmas presents for each other
this year. We're traveling for family and spending for them, and we
need to be wise monetarily. I know that. But even if you usually
take 2 years to pick out whatever lotion or other object from a kiosk
in the mall that you think I'll enjoy, I like your presents the most.
You really care about picking them out. I secretly hope you get me
one anyway.
Confession #1109
I love my husband more than anything in the world, but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something. I think about past relationships and think, what if. I would never tell my husband this, I would never want to hurt him, but I want to know what I missed. I won't risk it now because I have a family and I don't want to hurt anyone.
Confession #1110
Do you know what dear husband? I'm so sick of you using your back injury as
an excuse to not do things. Well, things that *I* need you to do. It hurts
so bad, you just had to sleep all day. But the next day, you are up and out
of the house right behind me to go hunting or whatever. NOT FAIR.
You wonder why I get pissed off when you go away for a few days, leaving me
with all the housework, childcare, etc.? Have you ever thought that maybe
*I* would like a day or two away, with no responsibilities? But that's not
possible, because unlike you, I have to get my tired, cranky ass up every
day and go to work. To a job I absolutely hate. Why is it too much to ask
to have you help me get our son ready, so I'm not late for work every day.
Also, when you say you are going to the store for something, and I say, ok,
there's XX amount of money, and you come home and say you spent twice that
much, regardless of what you bought, I'm allowed to be pissed off that you
fucked up my budget, AGAIN! Your compulsive shopping habits are driving me
absolutely insane. I'm sick and tired of being so fussy about money,
because you can't stop screwing the budget up. YOU FIGURE OUT BILLS on our
limited money, since you still aren't back to work. When was the last time
I bought myself something? HUH? A very long fucking time. Yet you always
go out and get whatever you want for yourself. NOT FAIR!
Deep down, I'm almost not afraid if you leave. I'm a bitch? Buddy, you
don't know how good you fricking have it. You will NEVER find someone else
to put up with the shit you put me through on a daily basis. Yes I may
overreact to some things, but you drive me to it, constantly.
I could go on, but what's the point. Nothing will change, even if you did
read this.
You say that you love me, but that you don't love me the way a husband should love a wife. You say you are broken and ask me to give you time to figure things out.
I've tried hard to be patient and do whatever I can to help you, but I am running out of gas. I feel empty, alone, and unloved.
I still love you and I am torn between doing whatever it takes to help you and taking care of myself and making sure that I don't get damaged further.
I just know I can't go on much longer like we are. You do nothing more than hug me. You do not kiss me or say "I love you" anymore. I feel like I am reduced to the position of live-in nanny/maid at our house--sleeping in the guest room for the past two weeks.
How much longer is it fair for me to endure this? How much longer until I make myself a priority? This may be working for you, but it is not working for me.
Confession #1102
I just cooked the driest turkey EVER (I really didn't want to kill us with undercooked meat, and we don't have a kitchen thermometer). And I was completely guessing at the gravy (first time I've made it at all), and it came out so lumpy (at least it tasted right)! And yet, you ate it all, cleaned your plate, all the while saying, "Mm, Baby, this is SO GOOD." Thank you for making me feel good about myself after a stressful day for both of us, and making me feel confident in one of the few areas we both enjoy (we have such divergent interests), and that you know is really important to me to be good at. I didn't even mind cleaning up after I cooked tonight. (Here's another confession: I usually hate it. I wish you'd volunteer to clean up more.) (Tonight you DID volunteer! And I said NO! Because I was so blown away that you were being so considerate, even after our stressful day.) I can't wait to get married in September. God I love you.
Confession #1103
I'll never forget when you yelled at me over the phone. The words, "fucking die," will always haunt me of how you really feel. I think you should go find someone who makes you happy. Obviously, being married to you doesn't exactly thrill me at all, anymore
Confession #1104
I have always wanted to tell you this. Your breath stinks and you you have horribly skinny legs. When you stand in front of me and THINK you are sexy......well you are not.
Your legs look like sticks and you are bald. But I love you anyways
Confession #1104
He broke my heart 12 years ago and now he's back. He says he will go to the
ends for the earth for me. I know that you love me to an extent but would
you go that far? Doubtful. He uses words such as "I'm so full of you, My
heart thumps so loudly in my chest when you are thought of", all I get from
you is "Your so full of it". I'm a strong person I know I can make it on my
own with 2 kids, not a doubt in my mind really, but would you let me leave?
or would you try to take away my kids for your own personal selfish reasons,
I know your mother would. She's an evil witchy woman of the worst kind.
Only time will tell.
Confession #1105
Telling me what a great father you could be AFTER convincing me that an
abortion was our ONLY option really fucking hurt. It was beyond
insensitive. Telling me you would have taken me to the doctor's after I
went by myself wasn't so great either. Finding out that the reason you
abandoned me while I was pregnant was that you were seeing an 18 YEAR
OLD GIRL hurt me more than you can imagine.
I am so thankful that neither myself or a child will be stuck with you
for the rest of our lives. But I will never ever forgive you for making
me give up on the one person I know I could have loved. I gave up
everything for you, for us. I did everything you asked. How could you?
Every word out of your mouth has been a lie. You broke every promise
you ever made to me.
The sad part is, after all you've put me through, I still love you.
Well, I don't love YOU, I love who you used to be. I love the man who
sent me flowers at work and held the door and brought coffee to the
office on his days off. I miss the terribly sweet, romantic, loving man
that I gave my life to. You are not that man anymore, and I hate you
for it.
Confession #1106
I think the reason I've gained about 20 pounds in the last 4 months is because I don't want to swap again. I know I agreed to it and liked it, but that's the problem- I liked it too much and I don't want to end up doing something stupid like doing it behind your back. I hate that I've gained the weight but I don't want to feel sexy... not to anyone but you. On the other hand I hate the weight and I miss the compliments and looks from other men. I guess I lack self control. I love you, husband.
Confession #1107
Does everyone have a certain 'someone' (obviously not their husband) that they day dream about a bit too frequently and would so like to act upon it, but don't ??? Because in the six years that I have been married, I have ALWAYS had crushes on different men at different times. Even when the marriage is going well.
Well, now I know that I can act on my current crush if I want. And people, I DO need to have some great sex. I know that the reality is it probably wouldn't be as incredible as I imagine it could be...but I sooo want to.
I try, I really have tried to make my husband better in bed. But, he is a SELFISH lover. He couldn't care less whether I come or not. Says he does, but never does anything about it. I do everything. He complains that we don't do it enough, but he actually never initiates it anymore. He watches way too much porn, and I think he thinks that that is how you are supposed to fuck someone. That I am going to have some huge orgasm by blowing him or something. Have tried explaining the term FAKE ORGASM, and that these women are acting (uh-hem). But, he just doesn't get it - and obviously does not get it, because I fake it all the time.
I know that if I act on this, it could all end in tears. I don't want to fall in love with anyone else, and I do want to be married (mostly) to my husband. But the most of the time, the sex is just not good. And there is only so much a vibrator can do, right?
I feel very guilty even writing this. But saying that, am I seriously going to have not even semi-good sex with this man for the rest of my life??????????
Confession #1108
I know we said we weren't buying Christmas presents for each other
this year. We're traveling for family and spending for them, and we
need to be wise monetarily. I know that. But even if you usually
take 2 years to pick out whatever lotion or other object from a kiosk
in the mall that you think I'll enjoy, I like your presents the most.
You really care about picking them out. I secretly hope you get me
one anyway.
Confession #1109
I love my husband more than anything in the world, but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something. I think about past relationships and think, what if. I would never tell my husband this, I would never want to hurt him, but I want to know what I missed. I won't risk it now because I have a family and I don't want to hurt anyone.
Confession #1110
Do you know what dear husband? I'm so sick of you using your back injury as
an excuse to not do things. Well, things that *I* need you to do. It hurts
so bad, you just had to sleep all day. But the next day, you are up and out
of the house right behind me to go hunting or whatever. NOT FAIR.
You wonder why I get pissed off when you go away for a few days, leaving me
with all the housework, childcare, etc.? Have you ever thought that maybe
*I* would like a day or two away, with no responsibilities? But that's not
possible, because unlike you, I have to get my tired, cranky ass up every
day and go to work. To a job I absolutely hate. Why is it too much to ask
to have you help me get our son ready, so I'm not late for work every day.
Also, when you say you are going to the store for something, and I say, ok,
there's XX amount of money, and you come home and say you spent twice that
much, regardless of what you bought, I'm allowed to be pissed off that you
fucked up my budget, AGAIN! Your compulsive shopping habits are driving me
absolutely insane. I'm sick and tired of being so fussy about money,
because you can't stop screwing the budget up. YOU FIGURE OUT BILLS on our
limited money, since you still aren't back to work. When was the last time
I bought myself something? HUH? A very long fucking time. Yet you always
go out and get whatever you want for yourself. NOT FAIR!
Deep down, I'm almost not afraid if you leave. I'm a bitch? Buddy, you
don't know how good you fricking have it. You will NEVER find someone else
to put up with the shit you put me through on a daily basis. Yes I may
overreact to some things, but you drive me to it, constantly.
I could go on, but what's the point. Nothing will change, even if you did
read this.
Friday, November 03, 2006
True Wife Confession 110 Supercentenarian!
Confession #1091
From one Mom to another:
Its so sad that if I want to take my son outside, I take him to the park. I can't even go in our back yard to push my son on the swing set anymore. Because when I do, two minutes later, you and your daughter come out. You then say, "She wants to play with your son." Then you walk back into your house before I can even answer a "yes" or "no". I end up feeding her and taking care of her for hours. I'm not here to raise and feed your child. And if you didn't want her in the first place, as you've stated time and time again, you should have USED SOME DAMN BIRTH CONTROL!
You don't even realize how sweet and smart your little girl is. All you see is a responsibility that you didn't want in the first place. She's a tough little girl to survive the almost daily beatings by your 10-year-old autistic child. Every time I see her, she's got bruises, bite marks and some sort of injury. When I ask you about it, you say it is her fault because she got to close to your autistic son. What? Is he a rabid DOG? You LET him bite/scratch/hit her when she gets within a foot of him. You defend him! You say he's smart. Then you need to discipline him for this behavior.
This is the ONLY reason we let her come over to our house. It boils my blood to know I'm doing you a favor. And one you don't even appreciate. But I worry more about your little girl. She needs to be exposed to adults that give her positive attention and praise. She deserves to spend time in an environment where she doesn't have to worry about her brother, or parents hitting her.
Oh and you have a sweet dog too. But you just see her as a pain in the ass too. Your dog repeatedly gets loose. And then we find her on our front porch. This happens almost every night. God only knows what you guys do to the dog...
You're so busy bitching about all of your problems and trying to extract pity from people, you don't even realize the blessings in your life.
Confession #1092
I am so absolutely crazy about you. We have a connection that some people
can only dream of and I cherish our relationship more than anything. You
waited so patiently to be with me and now that we are together, nothing can
come between us. I just hope that we never lose this feeling. I can't
imagine us getting caught up in that 'same boring routine'.
Believe it or not, I love how much of an agitator you are. We are constantly
trying to find ways to bug each other [watch for ice cubes while you're in
the shower. Payback is a b*tch!], but it makes our lives fun and
interesting.
I know that I tend to get paranoid and insecure sometimes, but I know that
you will never leave me. So don't doubt me when I say that I believe you and
trust you.
There are so many things that I love about you. When you greet me at the
door when I get home from work because you get home first, when I say that I
have to do some cleaning and you correct me by saying that "WE have to do
some cleaning," when you wear your cologne to bed just because I LOVE the
smell [Coastline, ladies!]...I could continue forever!
Im yours for as long as you want me and I cant wait to be your wife. I love
you babe!
Yours always.
Confession #1093
I do not know why, but sometimes i obsess about my step-daughters mother. I have not seen or talked to her in months. I should be thrilled with the distance. I just don't trust her. I do not trust what my husband gets himself sucked into. With the holidays approaching I know we will be in for some drama. Because of her I carry a prejudice against women who have babies to have "someone", or to try to trap a husband. Some of my best friends fall into that category.
Confession #1094
It took us so long to get here. I didn't want to rush
you, because I knew you were still hung up on her.
Now that we're finally here, wouldn't it be nice if we
could have sex more often when we're not so drunk.
Remember how nice it was yesterday morning. For the
first time, I think you actually saw ME and it was beautiful
Confession #1095
My dearest:
You stated you wanted to figure out a way for us to be located closer to one another. I laughed it off because I didn't think you meant it, I thought it was part of your regular lip service. You acted hurt and offended and played the victim for a week. Then, I sent you a job posting a week and a half ago that would do just that. Yet, you haven't applied.
Please don't let me be right again. If you don't want to be closer or aren't interested in the job, just tell me. Don't pretend. I can't take another disappointment from you. In fact, I've determined this will be the last one.
Confession #1096
I love you. You are a fantastic husband, and wonderful father. Every day I wonder how I got so lucky as to marry you and raise kids with you. I look forward to our years together.
That said, there are times that I think about you dying. I don't want you to die. But I know that the first thing I would do, after grieving and trying to get my life back in order, would be to hire people to do all the fix-it jobs around the house that go undone. I know it's not because you're lazy. You are the last thing from lazy. But you refuse to hire anybody to do things like fix the roof, fix a ceiling, resurface a bathtub, anything like that. I think the only times we've called repairmen in the last year was to have the water heater replaced and the fridge fixed.
I appreciate that you are so handy around the house. I do. I think it's awesome that you can rewire things and fix things and the way you fixed the garbage disposal? Awesome.
But please, can't we hire a few people to do things so you don't have to worry about not getting around to them? Between the kids, who you love to spend time with, and your job, which is busy, I understand that you have a hard time carving out time to get to these jobs. Can we just hire somebody to fix the damn hole in the ceiling in our bedroom? We aren't poor. We could afford it. I get tired of hearing, "I can do that myself and save money" when the thing in question remains undone and you stress about it.
I would miss you terribly if you died. On the other hand, I would be calling repairmen so fast after a few months that it wouldn't be funny.
Confession #1097
Dearest husband,
Do you know how you like to make your coffee in the morning, and just leave a big coffee and water mess on the counter, right in the same spot where I also need to make my tea? And you know how you will no longer use *my* dish towel for any reason, because it sometimes gets used to wipe the counter and you just can't fathom touching such a filthy towel? And how you've decided to have your own dish towel on a separate rack under the sink, so that it's there for the bazillion times that you wash your hands everyday? Well, thank you, sweetheart, because you've helped me find the perfect solution to your daily coffee/water mess.
Today, I used your precious, special dish towel to clean up the ridiculous coffee and water mess that you leave for me on the counter every day. Then when I was done, I wiped the dog's wet paws with the precious dish towel before I hung it back on your rack under the sink.
And it felt so darn good that I've decided I'm going to do that every day.
Confession #1098
When I tell you that you didn't tell me that you had a business trip scheduled, DO NOT INSIST that you did tell me. I write this shit DOWN. I have to move all sorts of things around, believe me, I take notice of when you will be gone. Besides, you are the one with shit for memory, not me.
Confession #1099
I am angry at you for leaving me, you would think that 13 years later I would be over it, but still the very thought of losing you makes the wound feel as fresh as the day they told me you were gone. You were my first best friend, my first real love and I wasn't even mature enough to realize it. I thought that when you moved that was loss, but later when you took your own life - you would show me what real loss was. I have screamed at thunderstorms, cried in the wind, and to no avail. Nothing brings closure, nothing heals this hurt.
To have someone like you in my life, to believe that I am loved unconditionally ,and then to have that taken away - it makes me think I will never be able to trust or love anyone again. I'm afraid that no one will ever love me, the way you did. I am afraid that for the rest of my life they very thought of you will always reduce me to hurt and tears. I'm afraid I will never be able to let you go, even though you left me and didn't even call to say good-bye.
Confession #1100
For the past two months, I have been talking to my ex and even went out to dinner with him twice. We've also recently been enjoying some really steamy phone calls and text messages together.
We plan on meeting up again in the very near future to act out some of those conversations.
I do love you. You're a good man and a wonderful life partner, but no matter how many times we've talked about it, you still do not seem interested in sex with me, or sex at all, for that matter. It's like you're embarrassed or ashamed of it. We only had sex ONCE on our honeymoon, for fuck's sake! That should've been a giveaway right there, but I was either too naive or just deeply in denial to question it.
Your idea of a wild time is getting me from behind. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. You don't like porn, you're not interested if I wear lingerie for you, you don't like talking during sex, don't want to share your fantasies with me (do you even HAVE any?), you have no idea what foreplay is. On the rare occasions I do get lucky, you jump out of bed immediately afterwards like you're on fire, and clean yourself up like it's just one big mess. Most of the time, though, you just seem completely asexual. I know you're not gay, but I don't know what your problem is. I've asked you so many times to try something different, but you're resistant. I have no idea why. I'm considered attractive by most people and I shouldn't have to go through the rest of my life like this. The few people in my life who know about this issue with us can't believe it. They can't believe that you're giving up sex with me to watch the fucking Masters on TV. They all think you're an idiot, and in fact your best guy friend knows about this and has encouraged me several times to "do what I need to do" to get some on the side. Even HE thinks I should cheat on you. How fucked up is that??? I'd never tell him, of course.
Anyway, I know what I'm doing/about to do is wrong, but I suppose I'm just being selfish that way. Just like you're being selfish about upholding the physical end of the deal in our marriage. I mean, you're supposed to be the only person I'm having sex with...yet you're more interested in watching sports and golfing. So what else can I do? I'm out of ideas.
Aside from the lack of physical contact, you and I have a good marriage. I don't want to divorce you. You're kind, smart, stable. Our families like each other. You will be a good father, if we can ever manage to have enough sex to conceive. But I'm unwilling to give up hot, slammed-up-against-a-wall sex for the rest of my life just yet. I'm still young, in good shape, and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.
My ex is the perfect person to take care of me on the side. True, he's still living his life as he was 10 years ago, and I have moved on and grown up. But a part of me still loves him, and I truly believe he is my soulmate. However, we would've never lasted as a couple. He's just too irresponsible and has too much emotional baggage. But he's the perfect "friend-with-benefits" for me right now. I feel safe with him, and he makes me feel beautiful. He encourages me to flaunt my sexuality--loves it, as a matter of fact--and is confident and eager to satisfy me. Which is way more than can be said about you. He tells me that I should be getting it every night from you, but if you're not up for the task, he's more than happy to do it for you.
So I'm sorry in advance, honey, if I decide to pull the trigger and act on this. And I hope you NEVER find out.
From one Mom to another:
Its so sad that if I want to take my son outside, I take him to the park. I can't even go in our back yard to push my son on the swing set anymore. Because when I do, two minutes later, you and your daughter come out. You then say, "She wants to play with your son." Then you walk back into your house before I can even answer a "yes" or "no". I end up feeding her and taking care of her for hours. I'm not here to raise and feed your child. And if you didn't want her in the first place, as you've stated time and time again, you should have USED SOME DAMN BIRTH CONTROL!
You don't even realize how sweet and smart your little girl is. All you see is a responsibility that you didn't want in the first place. She's a tough little girl to survive the almost daily beatings by your 10-year-old autistic child. Every time I see her, she's got bruises, bite marks and some sort of injury. When I ask you about it, you say it is her fault because she got to close to your autistic son. What? Is he a rabid DOG? You LET him bite/scratch/hit her when she gets within a foot of him. You defend him! You say he's smart. Then you need to discipline him for this behavior.
This is the ONLY reason we let her come over to our house. It boils my blood to know I'm doing you a favor. And one you don't even appreciate. But I worry more about your little girl. She needs to be exposed to adults that give her positive attention and praise. She deserves to spend time in an environment where she doesn't have to worry about her brother, or parents hitting her.
Oh and you have a sweet dog too. But you just see her as a pain in the ass too. Your dog repeatedly gets loose. And then we find her on our front porch. This happens almost every night. God only knows what you guys do to the dog...
You're so busy bitching about all of your problems and trying to extract pity from people, you don't even realize the blessings in your life.
Confession #1092
I am so absolutely crazy about you. We have a connection that some people
can only dream of and I cherish our relationship more than anything. You
waited so patiently to be with me and now that we are together, nothing can
come between us. I just hope that we never lose this feeling. I can't
imagine us getting caught up in that 'same boring routine'.
Believe it or not, I love how much of an agitator you are. We are constantly
trying to find ways to bug each other [watch for ice cubes while you're in
the shower. Payback is a b*tch!], but it makes our lives fun and
interesting.
I know that I tend to get paranoid and insecure sometimes, but I know that
you will never leave me. So don't doubt me when I say that I believe you and
trust you.
There are so many things that I love about you. When you greet me at the
door when I get home from work because you get home first, when I say that I
have to do some cleaning and you correct me by saying that "WE have to do
some cleaning," when you wear your cologne to bed just because I LOVE the
smell [Coastline, ladies!]...I could continue forever!
Im yours for as long as you want me and I cant wait to be your wife. I love
you babe!
Yours always.
Confession #1093
I do not know why, but sometimes i obsess about my step-daughters mother. I have not seen or talked to her in months. I should be thrilled with the distance. I just don't trust her. I do not trust what my husband gets himself sucked into. With the holidays approaching I know we will be in for some drama. Because of her I carry a prejudice against women who have babies to have "someone", or to try to trap a husband. Some of my best friends fall into that category.
Confession #1094
It took us so long to get here. I didn't want to rush
you, because I knew you were still hung up on her.
Now that we're finally here, wouldn't it be nice if we
could have sex more often when we're not so drunk.
Remember how nice it was yesterday morning. For the
first time, I think you actually saw ME and it was beautiful
Confession #1095
My dearest:
You stated you wanted to figure out a way for us to be located closer to one another. I laughed it off because I didn't think you meant it, I thought it was part of your regular lip service. You acted hurt and offended and played the victim for a week. Then, I sent you a job posting a week and a half ago that would do just that. Yet, you haven't applied.
Please don't let me be right again. If you don't want to be closer or aren't interested in the job, just tell me. Don't pretend. I can't take another disappointment from you. In fact, I've determined this will be the last one.
Confession #1096
I love you. You are a fantastic husband, and wonderful father. Every day I wonder how I got so lucky as to marry you and raise kids with you. I look forward to our years together.
That said, there are times that I think about you dying. I don't want you to die. But I know that the first thing I would do, after grieving and trying to get my life back in order, would be to hire people to do all the fix-it jobs around the house that go undone. I know it's not because you're lazy. You are the last thing from lazy. But you refuse to hire anybody to do things like fix the roof, fix a ceiling, resurface a bathtub, anything like that. I think the only times we've called repairmen in the last year was to have the water heater replaced and the fridge fixed.
I appreciate that you are so handy around the house. I do. I think it's awesome that you can rewire things and fix things and the way you fixed the garbage disposal? Awesome.
But please, can't we hire a few people to do things so you don't have to worry about not getting around to them? Between the kids, who you love to spend time with, and your job, which is busy, I understand that you have a hard time carving out time to get to these jobs. Can we just hire somebody to fix the damn hole in the ceiling in our bedroom? We aren't poor. We could afford it. I get tired of hearing, "I can do that myself and save money" when the thing in question remains undone and you stress about it.
I would miss you terribly if you died. On the other hand, I would be calling repairmen so fast after a few months that it wouldn't be funny.
Confession #1097
Dearest husband,
Do you know how you like to make your coffee in the morning, and just leave a big coffee and water mess on the counter, right in the same spot where I also need to make my tea? And you know how you will no longer use *my* dish towel for any reason, because it sometimes gets used to wipe the counter and you just can't fathom touching such a filthy towel? And how you've decided to have your own dish towel on a separate rack under the sink, so that it's there for the bazillion times that you wash your hands everyday? Well, thank you, sweetheart, because you've helped me find the perfect solution to your daily coffee/water mess.
Today, I used your precious, special dish towel to clean up the ridiculous coffee and water mess that you leave for me on the counter every day. Then when I was done, I wiped the dog's wet paws with the precious dish towel before I hung it back on your rack under the sink.
And it felt so darn good that I've decided I'm going to do that every day.
Confession #1098
When I tell you that you didn't tell me that you had a business trip scheduled, DO NOT INSIST that you did tell me. I write this shit DOWN. I have to move all sorts of things around, believe me, I take notice of when you will be gone. Besides, you are the one with shit for memory, not me.
Confession #1099
I am angry at you for leaving me, you would think that 13 years later I would be over it, but still the very thought of losing you makes the wound feel as fresh as the day they told me you were gone. You were my first best friend, my first real love and I wasn't even mature enough to realize it. I thought that when you moved that was loss, but later when you took your own life - you would show me what real loss was. I have screamed at thunderstorms, cried in the wind, and to no avail. Nothing brings closure, nothing heals this hurt.
To have someone like you in my life, to believe that I am loved unconditionally ,and then to have that taken away - it makes me think I will never be able to trust or love anyone again. I'm afraid that no one will ever love me, the way you did. I am afraid that for the rest of my life they very thought of you will always reduce me to hurt and tears. I'm afraid I will never be able to let you go, even though you left me and didn't even call to say good-bye.
Confession #1100
For the past two months, I have been talking to my ex and even went out to dinner with him twice. We've also recently been enjoying some really steamy phone calls and text messages together.
We plan on meeting up again in the very near future to act out some of those conversations.
I do love you. You're a good man and a wonderful life partner, but no matter how many times we've talked about it, you still do not seem interested in sex with me, or sex at all, for that matter. It's like you're embarrassed or ashamed of it. We only had sex ONCE on our honeymoon, for fuck's sake! That should've been a giveaway right there, but I was either too naive or just deeply in denial to question it.
Your idea of a wild time is getting me from behind. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. You don't like porn, you're not interested if I wear lingerie for you, you don't like talking during sex, don't want to share your fantasies with me (do you even HAVE any?), you have no idea what foreplay is. On the rare occasions I do get lucky, you jump out of bed immediately afterwards like you're on fire, and clean yourself up like it's just one big mess. Most of the time, though, you just seem completely asexual. I know you're not gay, but I don't know what your problem is. I've asked you so many times to try something different, but you're resistant. I have no idea why. I'm considered attractive by most people and I shouldn't have to go through the rest of my life like this. The few people in my life who know about this issue with us can't believe it. They can't believe that you're giving up sex with me to watch the fucking Masters on TV. They all think you're an idiot, and in fact your best guy friend knows about this and has encouraged me several times to "do what I need to do" to get some on the side. Even HE thinks I should cheat on you. How fucked up is that??? I'd never tell him, of course.
Anyway, I know what I'm doing/about to do is wrong, but I suppose I'm just being selfish that way. Just like you're being selfish about upholding the physical end of the deal in our marriage. I mean, you're supposed to be the only person I'm having sex with...yet you're more interested in watching sports and golfing. So what else can I do? I'm out of ideas.
Aside from the lack of physical contact, you and I have a good marriage. I don't want to divorce you. You're kind, smart, stable. Our families like each other. You will be a good father, if we can ever manage to have enough sex to conceive. But I'm unwilling to give up hot, slammed-up-against-a-wall sex for the rest of my life just yet. I'm still young, in good shape, and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.
My ex is the perfect person to take care of me on the side. True, he's still living his life as he was 10 years ago, and I have moved on and grown up. But a part of me still loves him, and I truly believe he is my soulmate. However, we would've never lasted as a couple. He's just too irresponsible and has too much emotional baggage. But he's the perfect "friend-with-benefits" for me right now. I feel safe with him, and he makes me feel beautiful. He encourages me to flaunt my sexuality--loves it, as a matter of fact--and is confident and eager to satisfy me. Which is way more than can be said about you. He tells me that I should be getting it every night from you, but if you're not up for the task, he's more than happy to do it for you.
So I'm sorry in advance, honey, if I decide to pull the trigger and act on this. And I hope you NEVER find out.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
True Wife Confessions 109 Shibuya
Confession #1081
Ten years ago today we married. We stood before our family, our friends and God and committed to each other to make it a lifetime and go the distance.
Three years ago I sat you down and put the apartment listings, daycare locations and job listings I was applying for in front of you because I was done. We were done. I was sick of the disrespect. Sick of being unloved and deemed unlovable. Sick of feeling too young to live the rest of my life like that. Sick of allowing our son to watch and learn how NOT to treat his wife. I put all the print-outs in front of you and told you to choose. Either choose the wife, family, home, LIFE you already have and choose to do it right or choose for me to leave.
To my surprise, you re-chose me. It took a while to re trust the unguarded me with you again but I did and there isn't a minute now that I'm not eternally thankful for it, for you, for us. We're ten years older and ten years wiser with ten years of history behind us and we're better than ever. I can't imagine what my life would be if you'd made the other choice and I'm going to spend the next ten years and longer letting you know how thankful I am to have what we have.
You spent a year not being you and we spent a year not being us. I know neither of us has forgotten that and I think that's a good thing. We're not taking what we have for granted anymore. You're my friend again, my husband again, his dad again, my love again.
I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do for me and for him. You work so unbelievably hard, away from home so much during the week, so that I can be here with him, caring for him, getting him off the bus, making lunch. When he first joined us I was so set on having a career and now I get a panic attack at the thought of having to get a job which would make it so I was not the one to kiss the boo-boos and slice the apples. Thank you for calming me when the money gets tight and the panic hits and soothing me that we'll figure it out, it'll all be ok.
And then when you are home, you're so engaged, so participating, so loving with him. He IS learning how to be a great husband and father through you. He's got the BEST daddy and I've got the BEST husband.
Happy Anniversary honey. I couldn't have a better life and that's because of you. Thank you for your endless love, support, care, friendship and heart.
Confession #1082
From one wife to another:
Your husband is spineless. If there's a visual for the word "Tool" in the dictionary, it should be a photo of your husband's clueless mug. He's just as neglectful of your children as you are. I feel so bad for your kids... No wonder they have so many problems.
Confession #1083
I confess that I'm not sure if I love you anymore. Perhaps I should be
more succinct. I do love you, but I have fallen out of love with you, and
every time you hurt me I love you less. You hurt me in big ways and
small. You have grabbed my arm and bruised it several times, you have
pushed me onto the floor, you have broken my things and thrown objects and
smashed glass on the floor, and you have expected me to clean up, and I
have. I hate myself for doing those things, but I did them, there's no
denying it. These violent actions have been spread out over 3 or 4 years,
so they seem somewhat diluted I guess. You have insulted my family and my
friends - that's less forgivable than the physical stuff. What wears away
at me is the little things, though. You treat me like a child. I have
supported you in your quest to change careers for three years now. You
have health insurance and a house because of me. I don't deny that you
work your ass off, because you do, but you seem to forget that I do
too. Sometimes you make more money than me; more often, you make less or
none. I know you'll eventually make a good salary, but I feel as though I
am your slave and I am under a microscope all the time. You do nothing
around the house, you complain that you have no clean socks when I'm in the
midst of doing laundry (hello? you can also do laundry! I'm pretty sure
you've done it before...), you smoke cigars and then expect me to love your
smelly self (and you tell everyone you're a non-smoker just because you've
given up cigarettes and pot), and you complain about the lack of sex. The
lack of sex, my friend, is because you are mean to me. I clean the hell
out of the house, and what do you do? You notice a slight film on the
counter in one spot, probably leftover from the soft scrub, that you can
only see in certain light. You can't compliment me or be thankful for the
fact that you do nothing - NOTHING - in our home, you can only find
fault. I work late because the grant I'm paid from runs out soon. I'm
trying really hard to have my boss find a way to get new funding for
me. I'm not cheating on you. If we fail, I'm never, ever going to be in a
relationship again. There is no way under this sun that I want to have
another relationship if we split, especially not one that would involve a
penis. You dictate my time, and you question every move I make when I'm
out of your sight. I AM NOT YOUR EX. I am not the person who cheated on
you. I have such an incredible desire to be devoid of male contact you
should be thrilled. You make me feel like a child. You explain everything
to me, down to how to clean the dishes - that you never wash, by the
way. Um, guess what? I have a brain! I'm pretty fucking
intelligent! Probably more than you! To say nothing of the fact that I've
cleaned a gazillion dishes and bathtubs and counters and rugs and clothing
and...and... and... you don't do any of it. And I do. You aren't allowed
to criticize. If what I do is so bad, YOU do it. I work more than forty
hours a week, and I am also going to school. You have lovely dinners and a
clean house and clean clothing because of me. You have health insurance
because of me. I can't believe you have all of this and you are still mean
and arrogant toward me.
I don't even know why I'm with you anymore.
Confession #1084
Some days the only reason I don't leave you is because all the men who've shown an interest in me are polyamorous and ugly. If I have to settle for an ugly man I'm sure as hell not going to share.
Confession #1085
Do not ignore me when I try to get you up in the morning... one of these days I won't give a damn that you hate cold water and I WILL use it. I'm having a hard time remembering what a great guy you can be when EVERY morning I have to go ahead and get your fat ass outta bed. It makes me madder then you will ever know.
Oh, and when we argue on the phone DO NOT act like a frikkin' child and hang up...
Confession #1086
I love you so much it makes me sick. But I must admit, I was relieved when your mom died. I can't believe I am writing this, it's been my little secret for almost a year.
Confession #1087
I love you with all I have.
BUT. I loathe cuddling with you at night. You have gained over 50 lbs in the 16 years we have shared and after 2 kids, I have a weak bladder, PLUS I am a night sweater- the last thing I want is your dead weight on me when I am trying to sleep. That- and your shaved public region itches my back, which is the real reason I sleep clothed. You tell me I should be lucky to have someone who wants to cuddle? Besides you – who said I didn’t?
Confession #1088
You know, a compliment or two would go a hell of a long way. I'm not talking about gushing or being ridiculous, but SOMETHING - "hey honey, you look really nice" or the occasional "I think you are beautiful". I don't need tons of verbal reassurance, but damn, it would be really good to hear it every once in a while FROM YOU.
Because when the guy at work says it, I light up inside. Thats how I know I miss it, but you say its silly and you shouldn't need to say those things, I should just KNOW them. Still, a girl likes to hear it once in a while.
Confession #1089
From one Mom to another:
Your son's got a drug addiction and he's been trying to sell his wares to the neighbor kids. You don't seem to care. But it KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT. I wonder what he'll be inhaling, sniffing, or injecting when he's 17, 18 and older. We've already been a victim of his drug problems. And it keeps me awake at night wondering what else he'll try to steal from us in the future.... He has no conscious nor compassion. Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Confession #1090
It was me who was home with our new baby waiting for you. It was me up late every night so we could see each other. It was me trying so hard to make things easier for you because you were "stressed out from work."
It was you who had a sudden interest in working out everyday. It was you who wanted to shop for clothes. You even showered me and the baby with things. We had family days and took the baby to the beach and the zoo. It was going so well.
I believe you when you say you didn't sleep with her. Perhaps you just hadn't had the chance yet. But you know what? It would have been easier if you had. I would rather you had slept with her, but it was her you were calling every night on your way home from work. It was her that was watching you at your games. It was her you called before you left for your business trips. It was her that would completely change what you stand for.
It was you who held my hands and looked me in the eyes and lied. Over and over you lied. I was overreacting and I didn't understand; it was no big deal; you two are just friends. Even if you didn't sleep with her, you're a liar and a cheat; you're not the person I married.
My confession is that I'm the one who made the mistake. I should've left you then. Because now, two years later, I still can't trust you. You're not my safe place. You're supposed to the one man that's never lied to me. And every time you open your mouth, I question it; the sincerity, the look in your eye. Everyone who knows you says that you're the most honest, stand-up guy they know; they haven't got a clue. And I'm not telling, because now, our baby is little girl who loves her daddy more than anything. And as much as you've let me down, I know you won't let her down.
Ten years ago today we married. We stood before our family, our friends and God and committed to each other to make it a lifetime and go the distance.
Three years ago I sat you down and put the apartment listings, daycare locations and job listings I was applying for in front of you because I was done. We were done. I was sick of the disrespect. Sick of being unloved and deemed unlovable. Sick of feeling too young to live the rest of my life like that. Sick of allowing our son to watch and learn how NOT to treat his wife. I put all the print-outs in front of you and told you to choose. Either choose the wife, family, home, LIFE you already have and choose to do it right or choose for me to leave.
To my surprise, you re-chose me. It took a while to re trust the unguarded me with you again but I did and there isn't a minute now that I'm not eternally thankful for it, for you, for us. We're ten years older and ten years wiser with ten years of history behind us and we're better than ever. I can't imagine what my life would be if you'd made the other choice and I'm going to spend the next ten years and longer letting you know how thankful I am to have what we have.
You spent a year not being you and we spent a year not being us. I know neither of us has forgotten that and I think that's a good thing. We're not taking what we have for granted anymore. You're my friend again, my husband again, his dad again, my love again.
I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do for me and for him. You work so unbelievably hard, away from home so much during the week, so that I can be here with him, caring for him, getting him off the bus, making lunch. When he first joined us I was so set on having a career and now I get a panic attack at the thought of having to get a job which would make it so I was not the one to kiss the boo-boos and slice the apples. Thank you for calming me when the money gets tight and the panic hits and soothing me that we'll figure it out, it'll all be ok.
And then when you are home, you're so engaged, so participating, so loving with him. He IS learning how to be a great husband and father through you. He's got the BEST daddy and I've got the BEST husband.
Happy Anniversary honey. I couldn't have a better life and that's because of you. Thank you for your endless love, support, care, friendship and heart.
Confession #1082
From one wife to another:
Your husband is spineless. If there's a visual for the word "Tool" in the dictionary, it should be a photo of your husband's clueless mug. He's just as neglectful of your children as you are. I feel so bad for your kids... No wonder they have so many problems.
Confession #1083
I confess that I'm not sure if I love you anymore. Perhaps I should be
more succinct. I do love you, but I have fallen out of love with you, and
every time you hurt me I love you less. You hurt me in big ways and
small. You have grabbed my arm and bruised it several times, you have
pushed me onto the floor, you have broken my things and thrown objects and
smashed glass on the floor, and you have expected me to clean up, and I
have. I hate myself for doing those things, but I did them, there's no
denying it. These violent actions have been spread out over 3 or 4 years,
so they seem somewhat diluted I guess. You have insulted my family and my
friends - that's less forgivable than the physical stuff. What wears away
at me is the little things, though. You treat me like a child. I have
supported you in your quest to change careers for three years now. You
have health insurance and a house because of me. I don't deny that you
work your ass off, because you do, but you seem to forget that I do
too. Sometimes you make more money than me; more often, you make less or
none. I know you'll eventually make a good salary, but I feel as though I
am your slave and I am under a microscope all the time. You do nothing
around the house, you complain that you have no clean socks when I'm in the
midst of doing laundry (hello? you can also do laundry! I'm pretty sure
you've done it before...), you smoke cigars and then expect me to love your
smelly self (and you tell everyone you're a non-smoker just because you've
given up cigarettes and pot), and you complain about the lack of sex. The
lack of sex, my friend, is because you are mean to me. I clean the hell
out of the house, and what do you do? You notice a slight film on the
counter in one spot, probably leftover from the soft scrub, that you can
only see in certain light. You can't compliment me or be thankful for the
fact that you do nothing - NOTHING - in our home, you can only find
fault. I work late because the grant I'm paid from runs out soon. I'm
trying really hard to have my boss find a way to get new funding for
me. I'm not cheating on you. If we fail, I'm never, ever going to be in a
relationship again. There is no way under this sun that I want to have
another relationship if we split, especially not one that would involve a
penis. You dictate my time, and you question every move I make when I'm
out of your sight. I AM NOT YOUR EX. I am not the person who cheated on
you. I have such an incredible desire to be devoid of male contact you
should be thrilled. You make me feel like a child. You explain everything
to me, down to how to clean the dishes - that you never wash, by the
way. Um, guess what? I have a brain! I'm pretty fucking
intelligent! Probably more than you! To say nothing of the fact that I've
cleaned a gazillion dishes and bathtubs and counters and rugs and clothing
and...and... and... you don't do any of it. And I do. You aren't allowed
to criticize. If what I do is so bad, YOU do it. I work more than forty
hours a week, and I am also going to school. You have lovely dinners and a
clean house and clean clothing because of me. You have health insurance
because of me. I can't believe you have all of this and you are still mean
and arrogant toward me.
I don't even know why I'm with you anymore.
Confession #1084
Some days the only reason I don't leave you is because all the men who've shown an interest in me are polyamorous and ugly. If I have to settle for an ugly man I'm sure as hell not going to share.
Confession #1085
Do not ignore me when I try to get you up in the morning... one of these days I won't give a damn that you hate cold water and I WILL use it. I'm having a hard time remembering what a great guy you can be when EVERY morning I have to go ahead and get your fat ass outta bed. It makes me madder then you will ever know.
Oh, and when we argue on the phone DO NOT act like a frikkin' child and hang up...
Confession #1086
I love you so much it makes me sick. But I must admit, I was relieved when your mom died. I can't believe I am writing this, it's been my little secret for almost a year.
Confession #1087
I love you with all I have.
BUT. I loathe cuddling with you at night. You have gained over 50 lbs in the 16 years we have shared and after 2 kids, I have a weak bladder, PLUS I am a night sweater- the last thing I want is your dead weight on me when I am trying to sleep. That- and your shaved public region itches my back, which is the real reason I sleep clothed. You tell me I should be lucky to have someone who wants to cuddle? Besides you – who said I didn’t?
Confession #1088
You know, a compliment or two would go a hell of a long way. I'm not talking about gushing or being ridiculous, but SOMETHING - "hey honey, you look really nice" or the occasional "I think you are beautiful". I don't need tons of verbal reassurance, but damn, it would be really good to hear it every once in a while FROM YOU.
Because when the guy at work says it, I light up inside. Thats how I know I miss it, but you say its silly and you shouldn't need to say those things, I should just KNOW them. Still, a girl likes to hear it once in a while.
Confession #1089
From one Mom to another:
Your son's got a drug addiction and he's been trying to sell his wares to the neighbor kids. You don't seem to care. But it KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT. I wonder what he'll be inhaling, sniffing, or injecting when he's 17, 18 and older. We've already been a victim of his drug problems. And it keeps me awake at night wondering what else he'll try to steal from us in the future.... He has no conscious nor compassion. Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Confession #1090
It was me who was home with our new baby waiting for you. It was me up late every night so we could see each other. It was me trying so hard to make things easier for you because you were "stressed out from work."
It was you who had a sudden interest in working out everyday. It was you who wanted to shop for clothes. You even showered me and the baby with things. We had family days and took the baby to the beach and the zoo. It was going so well.
I believe you when you say you didn't sleep with her. Perhaps you just hadn't had the chance yet. But you know what? It would have been easier if you had. I would rather you had slept with her, but it was her you were calling every night on your way home from work. It was her that was watching you at your games. It was her you called before you left for your business trips. It was her that would completely change what you stand for.
It was you who held my hands and looked me in the eyes and lied. Over and over you lied. I was overreacting and I didn't understand; it was no big deal; you two are just friends. Even if you didn't sleep with her, you're a liar and a cheat; you're not the person I married.
My confession is that I'm the one who made the mistake. I should've left you then. Because now, two years later, I still can't trust you. You're not my safe place. You're supposed to the one man that's never lied to me. And every time you open your mouth, I question it; the sincerity, the look in your eye. Everyone who knows you says that you're the most honest, stand-up guy they know; they haven't got a clue. And I'm not telling, because now, our baby is little girl who loves her daddy more than anything. And as much as you've let me down, I know you won't let her down.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
True Wife Confessions 108 names of Ganesh
Confession #1071
I know that when you say you have a pounding headache, and you're going to bed you are lying. I know you block my name and sit in a chat room for the rest of the night. Why lie? I know you've been lying to me since at least August. You've hurt my feelings more than you'll ever know. Just don't be surprised when I'm not so readily available to talk to you about your problems. I've been there for you through the worst of the worst. When everyone else walked away I stayed your friend. Remember that.
Confession #1072
I know we worked out our kinks with your porn addiction awhile ago. I know
you look, you know I know you look, and since you aren't hiding it anymore,
I'm fine with it. Except, remember when we talked about it and I said I was
only fine with it IF I was sexually satisfied first? If you spent time on
me first, then those girls with fake tits and bad blonde dye jobs second?
Well, we've had sex twice since our son was born earlier this year. Twice.
And we both know that between the baby and the other kids and our jobs time
is limited, but I know without even checking your laptop that you are
getting all of your sexual release from porn. I'd like to make a joke about
it not being so bad as long as I have more batteries, but I need sex damnit.
So get your head out of your ass and fuck your wife already. Shesh.
Confession #1073
Guys, guys...
your wives are all friends of mine. They've been my friends and mentors for
fifteen years, and I know all of you, too; however, there seems to be a
problem. Is it that you don't trust them? Or is it that you don't want to
be alone in your house for an evening? Do you think that I, a single woman,
am going to drag them out to a bar? I can't fathom it! When I invite them
to a "girl's night" dinner party at my house, it's so they can get away from
the kids, and we can BS about work and family, movies and books, and
whatever else we want to talk about -- and they don't have to cook, and they
don't have to answer to anyone, and they don't have to clean up afterwards.
Please, think about what you are doing when ALL three cellphones go off
between ten and ten-thirty because you guys are "wondering where" your wives
are, or just "checking in." I find myself a little embarrassed for my
friends, and worse, I feel bad for them. You KNOW where they are because
they TOLD you. That cell phone symphony is ridiculous!!
If we want to sit around and drink good wine and eat and laugh 'til three in
the morning, how can you begrudge your wives that? Aren't the kids already
in bed by ten?? Consider letting your wives be.... One night a year to
spend with friends is not too much to ask!
Confession #1074
From one wife to another:
You just told me your 4-year-old has six cavities. You oldest son is in rehab. Your middle child is the only one that gets any sort of attention from you. And that's only because he has special needs and you assume people view you as a martyr for helping him. In reality, you don't really do that much to help him. You seem to think that all three of your children's behavior problems are someone else's fault. And you will tell anyone who will listen horrible your life is. You are pathetic. You thrive on other people's pity. Take some responsibility for your actions and life. You reap what you sow.
Confession #1075
To my husband:
Our relationship has gotten so much better in the last few weeks. Thank you for pitching in and helping out when I get migraines. Thank you for not complaining when you've come home from a stressful day and I ask you to watch our son and make dinner so I can take some meds and go to bed.
Confession #1076
you are the most irritating and annoying sick person EVER. you whinge and whine and complain. I know you're poorly with gastro and it's awful but you called me EVERY 10 MINUTES last night. I was exhausted!
Your dependence and need for attention and affection is driving me away. we've been together for 6 years and you've gotten worse.
Confession #1077
Last night while I watched you soothe our baby when she was feeling sick it
made my heart want to burst. It's so true that watching a man be a daddy can
make you love him even more. 7 years, 3 children.... I love you more than I
ever imagined I could.
Confession #1078
I work full-time as a PA. I spend all day running around after other people and doing their chores and admin tasks. the LAST thing i need when i get home is you giving me tasks to do. do them yourself you lazy bastard!
When the rubbish gets full, EMPTY IT! yes, it starts to smell after a while. i don't leave the washing till you have absolutely nothing to wear before i wash, do i? and plleaaseee replace the bag. it's not rocket science.
don't leave me stranded in the toilet. the toilet paper is kept the other side of the flat.
Confession #1079
Waitin, watchin the clock, its four oclock, its got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man
Talkin to herself, theres no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears hes gone
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man
She loved him, yeah...she dont want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...thats why shell be back again
Cant find a better man
Cant find a better...man...
Someday, I will find a better man.
Confession #1080
I think we are finally becoming each other's best friend instead of each other's fuck buddy/roommate. I'm trying to become the kind of wife you want/need. And I see you've responded. I see you're trying to become the kind of hubby I want/need. And it makes my heart sing.
I know that when you say you have a pounding headache, and you're going to bed you are lying. I know you block my name and sit in a chat room for the rest of the night. Why lie? I know you've been lying to me since at least August. You've hurt my feelings more than you'll ever know. Just don't be surprised when I'm not so readily available to talk to you about your problems. I've been there for you through the worst of the worst. When everyone else walked away I stayed your friend. Remember that.
Confession #1072
I know we worked out our kinks with your porn addiction awhile ago. I know
you look, you know I know you look, and since you aren't hiding it anymore,
I'm fine with it. Except, remember when we talked about it and I said I was
only fine with it IF I was sexually satisfied first? If you spent time on
me first, then those girls with fake tits and bad blonde dye jobs second?
Well, we've had sex twice since our son was born earlier this year. Twice.
And we both know that between the baby and the other kids and our jobs time
is limited, but I know without even checking your laptop that you are
getting all of your sexual release from porn. I'd like to make a joke about
it not being so bad as long as I have more batteries, but I need sex damnit.
So get your head out of your ass and fuck your wife already. Shesh.
Confession #1073
Guys, guys...
your wives are all friends of mine. They've been my friends and mentors for
fifteen years, and I know all of you, too; however, there seems to be a
problem. Is it that you don't trust them? Or is it that you don't want to
be alone in your house for an evening? Do you think that I, a single woman,
am going to drag them out to a bar? I can't fathom it! When I invite them
to a "girl's night" dinner party at my house, it's so they can get away from
the kids, and we can BS about work and family, movies and books, and
whatever else we want to talk about -- and they don't have to cook, and they
don't have to answer to anyone, and they don't have to clean up afterwards.
Please, think about what you are doing when ALL three cellphones go off
between ten and ten-thirty because you guys are "wondering where" your wives
are, or just "checking in." I find myself a little embarrassed for my
friends, and worse, I feel bad for them. You KNOW where they are because
they TOLD you. That cell phone symphony is ridiculous!!
If we want to sit around and drink good wine and eat and laugh 'til three in
the morning, how can you begrudge your wives that? Aren't the kids already
in bed by ten?? Consider letting your wives be.... One night a year to
spend with friends is not too much to ask!
Confession #1074
From one wife to another:
You just told me your 4-year-old has six cavities. You oldest son is in rehab. Your middle child is the only one that gets any sort of attention from you. And that's only because he has special needs and you assume people view you as a martyr for helping him. In reality, you don't really do that much to help him. You seem to think that all three of your children's behavior problems are someone else's fault. And you will tell anyone who will listen horrible your life is. You are pathetic. You thrive on other people's pity. Take some responsibility for your actions and life. You reap what you sow.
Confession #1075
To my husband:
Our relationship has gotten so much better in the last few weeks. Thank you for pitching in and helping out when I get migraines. Thank you for not complaining when you've come home from a stressful day and I ask you to watch our son and make dinner so I can take some meds and go to bed.
Confession #1076
you are the most irritating and annoying sick person EVER. you whinge and whine and complain. I know you're poorly with gastro and it's awful but you called me EVERY 10 MINUTES last night. I was exhausted!
Your dependence and need for attention and affection is driving me away. we've been together for 6 years and you've gotten worse.
Confession #1077
Last night while I watched you soothe our baby when she was feeling sick it
made my heart want to burst. It's so true that watching a man be a daddy can
make you love him even more. 7 years, 3 children.... I love you more than I
ever imagined I could.
Confession #1078
I work full-time as a PA. I spend all day running around after other people and doing their chores and admin tasks. the LAST thing i need when i get home is you giving me tasks to do. do them yourself you lazy bastard!
When the rubbish gets full, EMPTY IT! yes, it starts to smell after a while. i don't leave the washing till you have absolutely nothing to wear before i wash, do i? and plleaaseee replace the bag. it's not rocket science.
don't leave me stranded in the toilet. the toilet paper is kept the other side of the flat.
Confession #1079
Waitin, watchin the clock, its four oclock, its got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man
Talkin to herself, theres no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears hes gone
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man
She loved him, yeah...she dont want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...thats why shell be back again
Cant find a better man
Cant find a better...man...
Someday, I will find a better man.
Confession #1080
I think we are finally becoming each other's best friend instead of each other's fuck buddy/roommate. I'm trying to become the kind of wife you want/need. And I see you've responded. I see you're trying to become the kind of hubby I want/need. And it makes my heart sing.
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