Sunday, November 11, 2007

True Wife Confession 219 Advil Liquigels

Confession #2181

I should not have to beg you to make love with me, I should not have to be the one to initiate and do all the work every time. Yes granted you were the one to do all the work a lot of the time before, but now that I am on meds I am more happy, and you know what?? I am happy that I still have a sex drive considering most anti depressants kill that. I could have sex every night, I am attracted to you. But when you keep your eyes closed during the whole time I wonder if you are attracted to me, or if you are thinking about the internet whores that you like so much these days.

Confession #2182

i hid the halloween candy so you’d stop eating the kids’ loot. Trouble is I didn’t do a good job hiding it from myself and I’m the one who needs to lose weight. I think I’ll tell the boys to hide their own candy.

So before I start in on the Kitkats or Almond Joys that are at the top of one of the boy’s bags, I’ll make a rule: I will confess to Dawn before I ruin my life with junk. (This “ruin my life” thing is only a slight exaggeration--I have high blood pressure and I’m fat. Not hugely fat any more, but why does anyone do this to herself? I don’t know. I wish I did.) Someone told me about a program to send candy overseas to the troops. Maybe that’s what I’ll get the kids to do. Anyone else heard of it?

Today = 2 Reeses cups worth of confession. No KitKats or Almond Joys yet.


Confession #2183

Darling husband, who I love more every minute, more than I ever thought possible: Your mother is positively heinous. I’ll keep good humor about it for now, because I know that you love her, and the way you treat her really is above-and-beyond amazing. But know that when I said she would never live with us, I meant it. If that means living in a trailer park for life so that she would be too embarrassed to move in, so be it. The only reason I have or would ever consider leaving you is HER. Please, let’s never make that a possibility.


Confession #2184

I have been married to you for 22 years and am still so damn attracted to you its ridiculous. Our sex drives don’t match I want it all the time you want it when you want it. I have been through so much with you and there is so much you will never know about me and how I feel about you. If I could make love you all day and all night it still wouldn’t be enough. I need you I want you and I am very much still in love with you in spite of all that we have been through. I would never have thought in my younger years that I could love anyone as much as I love you and want you. Get fat, get bald, stop working out dammit. It only makes you more beautiful to me. I love to look at your body and I have pictures of you on my phone that you would die. I fantasize about you, I think about you all the time. Almost to the point of obsession. I want to have an affair with you, I want to be with you alone somewhere anywhere no phones, no kids, no inlaws nothing except me and you. I just wish that you felt the same way. I know you love me and I know that you are there for me, but I want so much more from you and I don’t think I will ever get it. We aren’t getting any younger and I want to enjoy what we have left, I want to have sex all the time, I want to spend time with you. I only wish you felt as intensely about me as I do about you.



When we have sex, I don’t want it to end. I want it to just go and go and go and maybe that’s why it takes me so long to get there with you. I am still enjoying it. Your touch, the way you feel inside me and I think about it for hours and days afterwards. Looking forward to the next time. Maybe you’re right maybe I am a nympho, except I only want to have sex with you. Always its only been you.


Confession #2185

You arent mine.
I know you love her.
I get the greatest kick out of knowing I turn you on.
I know we might never be .
I know I can be utterly filthy with you .
I have no regrets.
You are amazing.
I know its complicated.
I love how you just called me your "little mistress"
Schatzi , you amaze me .
Maybe soon we can take it to another level.
I'm only sorry when you tell me you are finishing with her that I really dont believe you .
I'm happy that we are how we are with each other .

Small note . We talk dirty , we flirt , we know it will happen. I hope you finish with her before it does.
She doesn't deserve it.

Confession #2186

I hate my husband sometimes. He is so selfish. I feel like he takes me for granted. If he wants to take a nap, he lays down and takes a nap. If he wants to take a shower, he gets up and takes a shower. Anything that he wants or needs to do, he just does it without a second thought. But I have to work anything and everything that I want or need to do around our children.
And I dread having sex with him. He is selfish in that area too. He will not have sex with me unless oral sex preceeds it. And I am not talking about oral sex to me, only to him. He will pout and outright refuse to do it, if I refuse to perform oral sex on him.
He is bossy and demanding. He is critical and condecending.
He has not picked out, bought, and delivered a gift to me in over 5 years. Not for my birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, or Mothers day, let alone for no occasion at all. He will give me a wad of money when he realizes that he has forgotten an important date. He used to buy me things, just little things that were special because they came from him. He used to write me love letters, send me flowers and go out of his way to do special things that were just for me. And he used to make me feel like I was the most wonderful woman on the planet. Not anymore. I feel like he tricked me by pretending to be something he is not. If I had been approached by the man I am married to today, if he had been honest about who he really is, we probably would have never made it to a second date.
I often find myself thinking and dreaming about my old boyfriend and how my life could have been different if I hadn't thrown him away. Yes, my husband gives me a wonderful life, full of security. My old boyfriend lives very modestly compared to us. But he loved me deeply and always made sure that I knew. I often wonder if he would have changed too, or would he have cherished me forever, like he did when we were together.


Confession #2187

I love you. And sometimes I hate you.

Last night you ranted and raved for two hours about the stupidest shit...... All the while complaining that you haven't gotten any for over a week because of my monthly problem, even though the last two nights in a row you have fallen asleep as soon as we got in the bed, while I was still awake, AND THERE WAS NO "PROBLEM" ON MY PART BY THEN!!!!! I understand avoiding that week each month, I prefer it that way just like you do. But don't try to make me feel horrible for it. It is, after all, a side effect of the very thing that makes me a woman. Like I told you yesterday, the only way to solve that problem is for me to have a hysterectomy, and that means you'll never have any kids with me. Since you supposedly can't wait for me to be ready for us to try, I don't think you like that option.

And what's with all the beer you drink? I fear you are drinking yourself to death slowly. I know you're still in your twenties, but I know people who have drank theirself to death in their late thirties and early forties. Do you really want that for us?

Why is it that you're only nice and loving to me when you want some later that night? Why can't you be nice to me just because I'm your wife? What about a little, tiny bit of romance? Just once in a while? I am always trying to plan surprises for you, which you always snoop around about and ruin the surprise. You never do that for me. And you're always nicer to your guy friends than you are me.

How about cooking dinner for ME once in a while? And NO, fast food drive-thru doesn't count, even if YOU buy. I mean actual standing over the stove COOKING for me. I cook for you every night. If I don't feel like cooking one night, you act like it's a crime 99.9% of the time.

I hate to tell you this, but I have looked up some of my old guy friends. One is my ex from high school, one is a friend who knows that if we were single I'd hook up with him, and one is a guy I had an affair with that lasted over two years. I'm not going to do anything with them, no meeting up for hookups, no kissing, no hugging, nothing. I don't even plan to see them in person. But just maybe they can satisfy my emotional need for a few nice words from a man, since I don't get any from you. They'll tell me how beautiful I am, and how lucky you are, and how any man would find me incredibly sexy. One of them, at least, will tell me how much he'd love to have me, to do with what he pleases (and he will tell me how he'd please). I know he will, he's told me before. We've already had an affair, it lasted for over two years. I never slept with him, but I do happen to know he's a GREAT kisser. I quit talking to him because I was afraid I'd end up leaving you for a married man, and I was afraid that it would be a mistake. You started showing me more appreciation. Now you've quit again. Don't make me feel the need to look elsewhere for a man's affirmation that I am still sexy enough to be someone's dream girl.

I love you, and I don't want to leave. Quit being the jackass you've become, and be my husband again. The one that used to be so loving.

Love, Your Desperate Wife

P.S. - If I tell you I love you, and you ever tell me you can't tell I do (while we're in the middle of an argument, no less!) again, then you will find yourself alone. I'm not playing. There are plenty of other guys out there to love me for me, ones that will not talk to me like that. Don't think I won't go find one.

Confession #2188

Why does everyone I come in contact with (friends, family, bosses/co-workers, cashiers at the grocery store, salespeople, etc..) ask me when we are getting married, and not him – or even ask at all?

First of all, asking me that question is like asking the milkman where your mail is – it’s not the milkman’s job – it’s the mailman’s.

Second, if you consider us so close to feel merited in asking such a personal question – don’t you think that you would know if I knew?

I have never in my life gone up to another woman and asked her when she is getting married, or having kids, or finding a mate. I think it’s rude, judgmental, invasive and ridiculous!

If we do end up getting married, and/or end up having children – it’s no business of yours. Our life has nothing to do with you. Just stop asking the chick of this relationship. I’m not the hold-out!

Confession #2189

I don't really remember what I loved about you. (Was it just because you were young and cute?) You hate the real world and it's still you against the grownups---how pathetic. When will you wake up, and realize you have to act like a man now. Daydreaming about stupid fantasies that will never come true is a waste of time. You are not Peter Pan. Everything's a joke to you---especially the things I take seriously---and it is SO annoying.

But I still turn to you for a feeling of safety, all the while knowing there's not much there to lean on.

I don't think I can, or should, depend on you.

Too bad I never learned how to depend on myself. To be honest, I'd rather not have to. Too bad we have a kid now.

Confession #2190

I was so happy yesterday when you were willing to come home early for work so i could go to the ER to get stitches in my thumb and i didn't have to bring all three kids with us.

I was happy that you made dinner and I could sit down with you guys before having to go to work a couple of hours after getting stitches..

However, i was LIVID when lying in bed, my thumb throbbing and my arm hurting from the tetnus shot that you bitched and whined that you had wanted to leave work early but for YOU, that you wanted to look for a mother effing video game and new pants.

Oh should I have taken the kids with me while they stitched my thumb? You know how our oldest gets and she was already crying BEFORE i left for the hospital.

You are such a self-centered motherfucker and you piss me off. Its all about you you you. I can't buy the kids clothes but you can get a new laptop? Bite my ass. You are always about you, didn't we have this discussion a year ago and I told you that it needs to change? That we have three kids, have a family young and you can't keep DOING this to me! I work hard all day with the youngest, then work at night, Im TIRED, i have one day off a week and thats usually spent keeping the kids quiet so you can watch sports on tv.

Stop doing this to me. The ER dr asked if anyone was trying to hurt me, I said no, because you aren't physical, but you are mentally abusing me and I hate you for it.

If you think I wont leave you over something small like this, think again. I dont deserve to have my stomach in knots when I need you to come home for me, why does it have to be such a battle with you???

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hate to be picky, but shouldn't this be #219? ;-)

sarah said...

2190

Whenever I had to go to the ER for myself or my kids and the doctors would ask us that question, I always hesitated before saying no. My ex was just like yours, tell the doctors yes next time and get out.

Anonymous said...

WOW!

Anonymous said...

1284- Is this a relatively new thing or have you been this intense for 22 years? If it's new, you sound like you may be suffering from mania, if it's been 22 years that you've felt this way then you must be exhusted. I can't imagine keeping up with that level of intensity. Maybe you should see a professional? I wish you and your DH luck.

~S said...

Dear #2186 - I was in your shoes not long ago. That bullshit caused me to finally snap one day and I told my husband I was finished and leaving. I thought he was so selfish he'd let me go; but he surprised me by making a U-turn. I think when I put my foot down and told him what was unacceptable he realized how he'd been acting and how much he didn't want to loose me.

I hope you can find the words that will help you, and your husband will be responsive, so you can be more happy.

Dawn said...

Yes - Mea Culpa - 219. This is what I get for trying to do this when I am tired.....

Sarah said...

2188 - you and me both sister. It's the most annoying thing on earth and it's always women that ask me too. Why don't people concern themselve with thei rown lives and stop trying to plan ours?!

Anonymous said...

To 2186:
My husband and yours must be brothers. Ditto on the sex, gifts, attention...everything. In my case (this might not apply to you, so don't take it like I'm trying to tell you how to feel) I don't feel like he was dishonest about who he really is. I just realize that in the beginning he was trying to woo me or whatever and so he was overly sweet and sensitive and all that stuff. But he is a typical male now. I know that he loves me, but for some reason he has a hard time showing it now. I'm not extremely happy about that, and often I wish I could go back to that first year with us together, but I know I can't. And I really adore him and love him, so I'm willing to accept what he is. I guess you just have to decide if you are willing to live with it yourself.

Anonymous said...

This comment section still sucks. Now even more than before with the name calling. It's going too slow. Guess I don't have a reason to come here several times a day with no new comments. hmmph!

Anonymous said...

10:23, I was just thinking the same thing. Yawn. I want the old TWC back!

Anonymous said...

Dear 10:23 - I like the comments more now. There's not so much fighting and mudslinging at each other. TWC should be a place where as women we can bond and relate to one another... To know that we're not alone in this world and there are others experiencing the exact same things. Yes I agree it's slower... but it's a good slow (imo).

Dawn said...

Actually, I haven't had to reject any comments, so while I understand that some may have enjoyed the "girl gang" tone which was present before...I rather like this TWC.

ME said...

It sucks that people can't come here and still have smart things to say no that comments filled with insults and over the top judgements are no longer allowed.

Here's my advice to all the confessions on this post. Take care of yourself. Stop worrying about not hurting feelings, or worrying if he loves you, or worrying if your marriage will survive. Work on taking care of yourself in a self loving, yet unselfish way. Cheating isn't loving yourself, neither is taking crap from your husband, or waiting for that guy you like to leave his wife.

Anonymous said...

2184:
Now I feel the same way about my husband too. Sure.

Anonymous said...

I feel the dame way about my husband.

Anonymous said...

I'm 2185
Guess it shocked me to see my confession up there .
Apparently yesterday he told her it wasnt working .
He spent the rest of hte day in a darkened room thinking he was the worst person on earth . I told him it takes two to make problems in a relationship . That if things were good he wouldnt want me .
He tried , he had split with her when he met me before.
Its complicated.
He's human .
He hasn't cheated on her .
I'm only sorry I was the one who showed up the flaws.

Anonymous said...

2183-

DO NOT!! I MEAN DO NOT!! EVER EVER live with your mother-in-law...It will be the worst mistake you will ever make!! I am living through it right now!! I have been tempted so many times to walk away from my marriage because of her and the control she has over my husband...