Tuesday, November 06, 2007

True Wife Confessions 218 red flowers for Remembrance Day

I have allowed anonymous posters again BUT I am moderating the comments. Discussion is fine. Outright Name calling is not acceptable and will be rejected.

Confession #2171

I read this blog every week. And every week I realize how absolutely lucky I am in my marriage. Sure, he does stupid man stuff. Honestly though...what man doesn't? He leaves things laying around, passes loud and noxious gas, and other annoying things, but I can't think of one single absolutely horrible thing he does or has done to me our or kids. He treats me well, he's a great dad to our two kids, and he works hard to better our lives.

Thank you, honey. I love you and always will! May the future of our marriage be as great as the first 11 1/2 years!

Confession #2172

I want to have another baby. It kills me that when I even mention it, you
shoot me down. You are so dismissive about the whole thing. I hate that I
don't have a say in the matter. You are holding all the cards (so to
speak). It makes me want to poke holes in your condoms. I would never do
it, but the thought has crossed my mind.

I wish you would just get the vasectomy we talked about so this could be
over with. Just knowing that it isn't possible would be a relief to me. I
feel like you are holding me ransom with a "maybe".

Don't try to make me feel guilty about not getting my tubes tied again,
either. My body has been through enough with the 2 children we have now.
You are the one that doesn't want more kids. You should be the one to
suffer for your decision.

Just make a decision though. I can't stand this limbo anymore. Please...

Confession #2173

Before our divorce I always told you that it was never you; that it was me. Guess what? It was totally you. Oh, and by the way, I apparently do like sucking cock. Just not yours.

Confession #2174

I am at my wits end. I do not know what to do. I feel like, if I stay, I will lose you...but if i go, then well, i lose everything else-my family, friends, job, the place i know and love. You could make this decision SO easy for me. Change, just a little. I'm not asking for you to be a different person. All i want it a kiss now and then, without asking for it, for you to surprise me once in a while...with anything! I don't need jewelry or expensive gifts. christ, it would make me happy if you brought me a a pack of gum home from the store, write me a note, tell me i look pretty....and STOP COMMENTING ON OTHER WOMEN! I pride myself on being so very patient, and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but you have pushed my limits almost as far as they will go. I love you, take care of you, cook for you, clean for you... trust you, well i try to...after what you did id say I'm doing pretty good...everything i do is with the intention of making the man that i love happy...now i am supposed to leave. Leave for what? To do all of this but be alone while doing it? Have no one to be with or vent to? I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what else i need to do in order to make you love me back. And I'm almost ready to stop trying.

Please don't make me stop trying....i love you.

Confession #2175

I realized last night when people were asking if we were getting married and you said no with such a look of horror in your eyes, that you are not planning on marrying me...


Confession #2176


It's so hard not to have anyone to talk to. That's why I have to post here. Because this is my only outlet, my only chance to talk about my feelings. So here goes:
Yesterday we were having a family gathering for Halloween. I knew you were about to go get some alcohol for yourself before everyone got there, and I suddenly just got so depressed. I hate when you drink when we are having company over. You're just not fun, and it seems like everything me and our daughter does gets on your nerves. Plus you are either worn out and cranky for work the next day, or, if it's the weekend, you sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Anyway, as you were walking out the door, I said, "Baby, can't you please just now drink this once? It's so much more fun when you don't drink." You got angry and said that I was trying to control you and you won't put up with that. So I apologized. You got the beer anyway, and I had to kiss your ass the rest of the day to make up for it, because I hate when you are mad at me and just ignore me. I understand that both of your parents drank heavily and that that seems normal to you. I understand that you are dealing with the death of your brother. I understand that your ex-wife controlled you to the point that it was ridiculous, and that you never want to live like that again. But I'm not her. I don't want to control you, it's just that when you are drinking it's like you don't even like me anymore. And you say things that hurt my feelings and then I'm supposed to just get over it because you were drinking at the time. I love you so much, and I understand more than you think I do. I can't even fathom living without you, but sometimes life is just so hard. I feel like drinking is sort of your "out". You can shed all of your responsibilities and worries and just be in "la la land". But I live in the real world, and sometimes my world is lonely and hurtful and really sucks.

Confession #2177

This is gross, I know. My 3 year old daughter thinks farts are
hilarious. She can also drive me bananas with everything the
terrible 3's can include. Since I am newly pregnant with our third
child, one of the undesirable side effects is raunchy, rancid gas.
I have, on occasion, turned one of those farts loose on her. WHat a
bad example, I know. They are usually silent so she doesn't know-
it's just a petty little secret I keep. This morning I did it as she
was throwing her muffin at her little brother. She stopped what she
was doing and said "eww mommy, did you toot" . It was especially
bad and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Bad mommy! Bad mommy!

Confession #2178

why is it so hard for you to have the house picked up for me when i get home from work? last night i had a hell night at work and i come home and theres dirty dishes in the sink and the house is just a mess. i clean up during the day when i'm home and i'm real tired of you not doing the same.

i had to run the dishwasher this morning, which means i have to put them away, that is our oldest's chore, and you never had the kids make their lunches last night. WHY?! i dont think i ask too much from you, but this needs to change. if you dont start picking up around the house i will quit my job and make you get a second one to make up for the money we'll be missing out if i leave, good luck finding a part time job for yourself that pays what i make now.

and when you ask me a question, actually listen to the answer, i know you only half listen to me because you want to talk about you or your hobbies or your day at work, but last night i came very close to quitting my job and telling my boss to kiss my ass and you just dont care, your only response was, so are you going to take the dog for a walk now?

why dont you bite me? you dont care that i'm stressed out now. you just dont care.


Confession #2179

You have been married to my brother nearly as long as I have been
married. You acted like you loved him, you were welcomed into our
family with open arms, and my mother treated you so well that
sometimes I got jealous. Then all of a sudden something changed. You
were a different person we were all supposed to "accept." But you
don't take care of your responsibilities, you keep a filthy house,
your children are on the verge of being officially labeled neglected,
and you don't want to hear from us because, apparently, we suck. Well
fuck you. You are a lazy, selfish bitch and we would all be better off
without you (especially your children). If you don't want to be a wife
or mom or beloved family member anymore, that is ok with me. Now would
you just fucking LEAVE him and get it over with? He deserves SOOOOO
much better.

Confession #2180

I know I should leave you. I deserve everything that I have always
dreamed of, a man who cherishes me - EVERY DAY, not just every now and
then. I deserve the passionate love affair that I waited so long for -
which was there, in the beginning. I had waited for a very physical
relationship - that is what I want, not the cold fish you have turned
into.

I deserve a man who will stop trying to change my kid - I don't want her
to be like your kids. They are disrespectful and they use you. My kid
is respectful, loves me and likes to be with me which drives you crazy
because your kids couldn't and can't wait to get away from you.

There were so many things I didn't do for years because I was waiting
for that special person to do them with me. Like walking around
downtown, like special weekend trips away just the two of us, like
planning the weekends full of concerts and art galleries and museum
trips and, and, and.......so many many things that we just don't do
because you don't want to. Your idea of a great weekend is sitting in
front of the TV - the ENTIRE weekend.

You hid who you really were, you pretended to be the man I wanted and
had waited for. Over the past two years your true colors have come out
and now I want out. I know I should leave you. You can be verbally
abusive, manipulative, and downright mean when you don't get EXACTLY
what you want, when and how you want it. I don't think that I should
spend every third day or so in tears over something you said. I have
cried more since meeting you than my entire life combined and I'm 45! I
deserve kindness and tenderness from you - but what I miss the most is
the joy I used to have in my life. Even though I was alone for YEARS
and YEARS, I was for the most part happy. I was lonely sometimes but
you know what? I'm lonelier now - living with you and all the crazy
drama and stress and sadness and depression than I ever was at any point
in my life.

I know I should leave you. Why do I stay?

32 comments:

sarah said...

farting in our house is an olympic event, i shit you not my 9 year old farts every four minutes on the dot. We timed it once for 5 hours, every 4 minutes that chick would let one out!

I guess we don't find bodily emissions particularly gross, we just find them normal. I think its funny as hell that you farted at your daughter when she threw her muffin, and honestly might start planning that attack myself, kids beware!

Anonymous said...

2176: I think you should print out your confession and hand it to him and kiss his cheek and tell him you love him. Then wait for the response. I pray he'll "get it" and change. If not, I am so sorry and I hope you make the right decision for you and your child. Your confession is heart wrenching and I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I find passing gas in front of someone a huge insult. Man, just take a few seconds to leave the room and teach your children that it's impolite to pass gas in public! I understand, of course, that they can't help it when they're very young, but 9 years old? Time for mommy and daddy to teach manners!

Anonymous said...

2176: I could have written this myself. I feel and know your pain. It's never ending. My man drinks and puts me down to the point that I don't know if I can blow it off anymore. You are not alone.

Anonymous said...

I'm with ya! I grew up with all boys and at 25 I still think farting is sooooo funny that I laugh my ass off! The kids know that it is only ok at home and not in public or other peoples houses.

Anonymous said...

7:19-- I'm 6:55. I think you've got it figured out and I'm glad to hear that you your family know when this is okay and when it's not. To each his own and I respect what you and yours do in your own home... but I could NEVER live with that! Glad my family is discreet!! I'm curious, do you think this is a class thing or just a family peticularity? I may have spelled that wrong, sorry. FYI I come from an upper-class background. We view passing gas in company as we would shoving shit in someones face -- it's something you would never do. I know some will say it's a natural body function, but so are many other things that we keep private. I just want to know why this is so acceptable to some and not for others?

mireille said...

2172: I know it hurts; it's as though he's taking a child away from you. Although i didn't want to hear it either, it is true that if he said yes just to please you, there is a possibility that he wouldn't love the child as deeply.
I know it's very frustrating that he won't get a vasectomy. I agree, it's the least he can do...
My hubby just got one last week, after a year and a half of nagging. He got scared when i told him i was seriously thinking of poking holes in the condoms. Tell him to look at it this way: a little bit of suffering for a short period of time, or a little bit of suffering for the rest of his life?

sarah said...

6:55

I don't think it's a class thing, I think it's a comfort level that we have reached with each other. It goes without saying, at least to me and mine, that we don't "pass gas" in front of people you don't know or in public unless you really can't help it.

Anonymous said...

My guy has the worst smelling farts ever, I cannot stand his fart, the stink up everything in the house!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical regarding the farting. My 4 year old farts then when asked "hey what do you say?"...he smiles and says mommy, it wasn't me, it was whatever he spies first, the wall, the house, the car, the tv...

They learn the blame game so early. However, in public he'll say excuse me so I just humor him at home.

There are worse things he could be doing, farting is not really a bad thing or something I waste my time worrying about.

Anonymous said...

To 7:07:
This is 2176. It's terrible that there is someone who lives the same way I do, but it's also comforting for some strange reason. I feel like I have two separate lives and live with two separate men: the drunk one and the sober one. It's so hard to know what to do. All the alcoholic information says "It's a disease. It's not their fault."

sk said...

The farting is something my 3 year old does and thinks is funny. We laugh with her or at her and call her a "stinky bubble machine". lol.. so now if she detects me or DH farting.. she calls us that too. She will outgrow it. It will not be humourous for long and i am more inclined to work on the nose picking rather than the farting.

D said...

2172: he doesn't want a baby. there is no limbo. he made his decision. buy a puppy. better yet, become a mentor.

2173: one guess why your marriage didn't work out...no head, no happiness. believe that.

2174: people don't change. they just stop acting. it sounds like your man faked a lot of romantic gestures to get you. that said, i hope you're contemplating leaving over things that are much more serious than the minor stuff you typed. if those are your only complaints, read this blog regularly and you'll realize how lucky you are like 2171 did.

2176: regularly drinking to excess is drug abuse. he's abusing himself and your relationship, neither of which you should tolerate. people with addictions only change when they hit rock-bottom. i don't know what that is for him, but if he doesn't go to counseling it should start with you leaving. if you're intent on helping him through, still leave and just help and love him from a distance.

2177: first people on this blog think it's cool to defecate in front of their kids, now others are gleefully holding fart contests....boy oh boy.

2180: your friends and family are special, too. do all of those things with them. i know it's not the same as listening to the sax and being lovey-dovey at some outdoor concert, but typically when your man watches you having a grand ol' party without him week after week he quickly gets his stuff in gear because a) he feels like he's missing out b) he knows other quality guys who actually enjoy fresh air will be at these events and c) he knows it's only a matter of time before you realize how little you actually need him and cut him off. meanwhile, you won't regret your time with him because you wouldn't have let it stop your life and you'll have plenty of new friends to help you get over your break-up if it comes to that. either way, get your groove back, stella.

Anonymous said...

Here's a great organization:
www.al-anon.org. Don't go for him, go for yourself and your children.

Anonymous said...

2173 - you made me laugh out loud. Short and to the point and too funny!

Anonymous said...

#2178 - I so get where you are coming from. I work evenings too, and husband works days. I bust my ass around the house during the day when I'm home, and I have no idea what he and the two older kids do all evening, but it sure isn't helping me. The older two have their chores, and they do them...most of the time, usually half-assed, and he won't MONITOR them at all. He just lays upstairs on our bed and watches TV. Housework, homework, who knows? I hate having to work.

Anonymous said...

Oh Christ. "D".
Dawn, I'm gonna hold off as long as I can but I swear it's almost like he's ASKING for it. I never name-called but I do have choice words for the blowhard (stop, it!)
meanwhile..
$&^$&*^%^$%$^%$^%$)(&)(*&^*^*^!!

sarah said...

I am the same one who thinks it's fine to leave the door open when you are using the bathroom, if you want to, surprise surprise we also have no problem with farting.

What I don't understand is why people have such a problem with "D". He has an opinion, thats ok, it really really is ok. Even if he has no personal experience he still has a right to have an opinion, everyone does, or at least should. I also agree with the "one guess why your marriage didn't work out...no head, no happiness. believe that", comment. He is so right on that one. I hated my ex and rarely ever even had sex with him, that was one of my only ways to piss him off and hurt him as much as he hurt me, passive aggressiveness at its best.

Keep commenting "D", even though we don't agree on everything I still respect your right to have an opinion and express it appropriately on a public forum.

sk said...

I am sorry dawn.. but i have to respond to something "d" said.

"d" I have never slammed you.. but your comment of "no head, no happiness" is ****ed up.

Like driving, getting head is a priviledge.. not a right and for most men.. they dont deserve it.

D said...

sarah,

i appreciate your comment. i like the criticism from anonymous, though. i have strong opinions so i don't mind getting strong opinions back (even if it's usually about me being unmarried and how small my penis must be and not about why my thoughts are wrong).

but i'm really looking forward to seeing how anonymous carefully crafts her insults to get them past the moderator. i suspect that dawn might even agree with anonymous because she said name-calling isn't appreciated but let anonymous call me a blowhard.

Anonymous said...

Amazingly, I agree with D on just about everything. And I'm a woman. I think his comments are very valuable here.

Dawn said...

Au Contraire, D. I do not agree nor disagree with many posters here. However, if being called a Blowhard is the harshest thing said to you in an internet forum, then I say Huzzah for my rules of niceness.

I have personally been called things in emails or forums that go WAY beyond blowhard.

And for the record, my daughter is OFTEN in the bathroom with me as I use the facilities in any number of ways. Not unlike Toilet learning, if she doesn't learn it from me (the logistics of getting her period, changing tampons etc), who is she going to learn it from?

Furthermore, I would like to know how people keep their kids OUT of the bathroom with them, as Mine has never allowed me alot of Alone time.

And yeah. I fart too. In my home. But I say Excuse me, so hey. C'est la vie.

D said...

i'm not hurt by being called a blowhard, dawn.

as for the bathroom stuff, i guess if people can do whatever in front of each other in prison, it should be OK in the home. i'll remain a door-closer, though.

Contrary said...

Yeah, how DO people who get to potty without an audience (whether toddler or canine) do it?

Maybe it's for the same reason that nobody feels the need to visit Pookie in the bathroom.

Maybe those who get to poo alone are just stinkier than the rest of us and no one can stand to be in the room?

Ah, well. It's just a theory.

Anonymous said...

D-
You think too much of me; I'm not crafty enough to get by Dawn. She knows the difference between name-calling and the word blowhard. Just because I think you're arrogant and come across as judgmental doesn't qualify me as a name caller. It's an opinion, that's all. You have a lot of supporters here so you can relax. And for the record: I was not the anon that said anything about your size, but I was the one that questioned your harsh comments to married women whilst not being married yourself.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dawn,
I am so glad you are including anonymous (though moderated) comments again. And I still love your site. But I am never again going to submit confessions, or encourage friends to, because of commenters like D. His need to chime in on every confession whether he has anything relevant to add or not, his judgmental attitude and the fact that he has never actually been married make me cringe. He reminds me a lot of that guy Ronald, who felt he needed to lecture us all on "communication" while spreading enmity about TWC on other sites.
You and I both know being a wife isn't always a picnic, and confession is good for the soul. But I didn't think confessing here would lead to far more judgment than a church confessional.

Anonymous said...

At least D is commenting on the confessions. I'm sick of the entire comment section being about D and name-calling and who's right/wrong. Just freaking comment on the confessions, can't you?

Anonymous said...

When someone finds the answer on how to potty without a toddler underfoot, please please please let me know. Until then my baby boy will join me.

Christy said...

Wow, I feel as though you reached into my head for #'s 2173, 2174 and 2180. THANK YOU for letting me know I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings and that it is OK to feel this way.

Anonymous said...

We are closed bathroom door people in our home, but when I was training my daughter of course I let her in. After that it was "close the door, honey". Amazingly, after explaining her period to her and instructing (not showing) her on how to use a tampon, she figured it out just fine. But you're right 1:37, when the babies are just learning you gotta show by example!

wonderalice said...

so right that name calling is idiotic on here, but I think this comments area can be, or should be, a place where we can discuss opinions like adults. If people would stop all the name calling some constructive debate could be had here, unfortunately I don't see that happening, but it could be great if everyone could pull it together enough to make it happen.

Anonymous said...

I keep waiting for my 3 boys and husband to think "pull my finger" is not that funny. Waiting...waiting...waiting.

On the other hand, being casual about the toots and not holding gas in has got to be healthier for your gut.

I grew up thinking passing gas was HORRIBLE and now it's no biggie (yet for some odd reason, it's also not the funniest thing ever in the history of mankind.)

Two recommendations for the Flatulent and Hating it People:
I cut back on soda and seltzer and it made a huge difference.

Get a dog. They can't say "nuh uh, it was NOT me, mom."