Sunday, November 25, 2007

True Wife Confessions 222 the mystery

Confession #2211

Tonight you made me feel awful. Have my B. A. in Creative Writing, on my way to get a masters, so when I submit a poem and the professor writes beautiful lines, amazing piece of poetry, I want to share it with you. OH and did I mention that I wrote the damn thing about you? MY amazing beautiful piece of writing was about you, someone who couldn't even stop being annoying for one second to listen to me read it. I was half way through it when you decided clicking a pen was more interesting than the poem I wrote about you. Let me tell you that was the last straw. I was having so many doubts about us, but now I know we cannot last if you can't even listen for a minute to something that interests me, something that is going to define my line of work, who I am. I write poetry and I always will, and I wish I had someone who cared. Don't I deserve someone who cares???

Confession #2212

Do you know how much I fall in love with you when you look into my eyes and tell me how beautiful I am? How my body craves your touch - even when we are just sitting together? As I approach 40, I am having the best sex of my life - with a man who I don't need to explain myself to, don't have to justify my quirks, don't have to apologize for being smart and opinionated. Watching you from the car, as you checked the air in the tires, it was all I could do to not start to cry because we found each other. Plus it was just so oddly masculine and hot to see you checking air pressure and making sure that the tires were perfectly inflated.

Confession #2213

To My Husband,

Maybe we need this time apart, even if it's just the weekend, even
though we planned otherwise. Maybe we both need this time to think.
Maybe you need this time to do some soul searching and to ask yourself
if in fact you really want this marriage. Your words say you do, but
some of your actions say otherwise. Experience has taught me that
words are a cheap commodity. Like the words: "I love you more than you
know". I guess I don't know what your definition of love is, or maybe
it's just that my expectations of love are simply too high. Either
way, the same issue keeps rearing its ugly head and we're both ending
up angry and frustrated and hurt and sooner or later one of us is
going to give up.

You seem content to stonewall me on the issue of the phone numbers and
atm withdrawals I saw when we were first together. Just as you're
obviously content to make up excuses about what I saw this past
Thursday. It's the same song, different verse for every sad and
sickening thing that's happened in between. And I'm just supposed to
buy the excuses, let go of the past, move on. It's not that simple.
Dr. Phil says that the best predictor of future behavior is past
behavior. So is this what I have to look forward to if we have a

Not much of a future if you ask me. All the pretty little things can't
take the place of feeling safe in the love of my husband. But right
now I don't feel safe. I feel vulnerable and frightened and threatened
by your actions, your words of denial, your refusal to acknowledge
that WE, not just you, WE have a problem. A problem WE can only
address and deal with if you admit your role in it.

I want so badly for this marriage to work, for us to have a future
filled with happiness and love. But at this very moment, I don't see
that happening, and that single thought brings me to my knees with
sadness. I hope you'll take the next few days to think about us and
whether or not you really want this marriage. If you do, then you've
got some work to do, starting with getting honest with me. I'll be
here, arms wide open, ready to welcome you in, ready to love you if
you'll take that first step.

Your Wife

Confession #2214

Do you actually think that "Are we ever going to have sex again?" is a come-on, especially in that argumentative tone? a) My period ended yesterday. It lasted 6 days. We had sex the day before it started. Am I supposed to have a magic on-off button for it? b) You are being a dick. Why would I want to have sex with you if you're taking out your stress on me all the damn time lately? Yeah, that's a real turn-on.

I can see why they say the first year of marriage can be tough.

Confession #2215

I knew you were having a bad day yesterday, so I
walked to the store in the pouring rain after work to
get you a beer, because I knew you'd want one with
dinner but wouldn't feel like going yourself to get
it. While I was there, I saw these cute little
single-serving cartons of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and
thought it would be fun to surprise you with dessert.
There were only a couple of flavors, so I bought one
of each. I was pretty excited, to tell the truth; I
love surprising you with little things like that.

So when I told you with a sly smile after dinner that
I'd bought you some ice cream, and you asked what
flavor, and I told you your choices and you responded
flatly, "I don't like either of those flavors, so you
bought yourSELF two things of ice cream," I was pretty
shocked. I told you sadly that those were the only
flavors they had, and you snapped, "That's all they
had in the WHOLE STORE? Two flavors?" I tried to
explain to you that they were a new thing, these tiny
little single-serving cartons over which I'd been so
excited, but you weren't interested. It apparently
didn't even occur to you to throw me a "Thanks

Right now, I regret that I didn't react to your
rudeness with anger, but at the moment I was so
shocked that all I could do was go into the bathroom
and cry. I don't think I could have been more shocked
by your reaction if you'd slapped me across the face.

This, I've come to realize, is one of the main
differences between us. Several months ago, when you
surprised me with beer on a friday night, it was a
kind of beer I disliked rather strongly, but I thanked
you for thinking of me and drank it anyway. I later
admitted sheepishly to you that I didn't like the
beer, but appreciated the gesture. You were a little
disappointed that I hadn't liked it, but I took care
to be gentle with your feelings.

I don't think I could articulate to you how much you
hurt me last night, but even if I could I know it
would be a mistake to bring it up again. You would
roll your eyes at me and tell me it's just ice cream,
that I'm overreacting and taking things too seriously.
If I told you I was hurt by your tone, by your
coldness, by your implication that I bought the ice
cream for myself and was just trying to pass it off as
a surprise for you, you would protest "But I never
SAID that," as if the only way you communicate is
through the literal meaning of your words.

My whole life, everything I do, is centered around
making things easier on you. I do all the household
chores, I take care of your pets, I cook, I manage all
the bills, all so that home will be a place of refuge
for you at the end of your workday. I don't take
pleasure in any of it-- housekeeping chores are boring
and unrewarding-- but I do it to spare you. I do it
so you won't have to lift a finger when you're off
work, so you won't even have to think about all the
work that goes into keeping this place running and
reasonably clean. You stopped thanking me years ago.
I doubt you even notice anymore.

I think if I treated you with the callous disregard
you regularly show for my feelings, you would have
divorced me already. Unlike me, you have the sense to
recognize that you don't deserve to be treated that
way. Maybe I should try to learn from you.

Confession #2216

You see our kids less than 5% of their lives. Why do you have to involve your girlfriend in that 5%? Can you not take care of the kids on your own?

Confession #2217

My darling husband,

When you thought I went to that conference last week, I was really meeting a reader of my blog and having sex with him. While it wasn't as good as it can be with you, at least he wanted me. He held me all night, waking me up with sweet kisses and caresses and making love to me (even without brushing our teeth - can you imagine?) He did all the things you used to do, but now only do once a year or so. And I would do it again, given the opportunity.

Confession #2218

Before you ever even consider getting married or living with a man live on your own, out of your parents house. Learn to be self sufficient and not depending on anyone to support you. I say this because when the day comes that you now realize you are married to an asshole, who could care less how you feel about anything, you will be able to leave at anytime and take care of yourself and your kids on your own.

Also, travel! Do lots of fun things. Don't wait for a man to take you somewhere, because this may never ever ever happen!

Don't marry someone who has huge dreams, but makes not effort to improve his income to make those dreams come true. All you will ever hear is go buy a lotto ticket, maybe we'll be rich. Yeah right dumb ass. Get a real job! Make an effort so MY DAD does not have to make up for what you don't provide because your too damn lazy to get a second job or even look for one that will pay you what you are worth! You're the oldest of 4 boys and you are the poorest! Stop wasting money on POT and get up off the sofa and put down the video games and go look for a JOB asshole!

As soon as I get my business going and start making real money, I am so out of here! I am going somewhere far away. Somewhere I have never been, maybe up north where they have real autumns and winters.

Confession #2219

I want to first start off by say that I Love You! I really do. You work so hard, you work three jobs and go to school at night. I know that you're tired and I know that you do it so that We can have everything we want in life. To be honest, all I really want right now is to see more of my husband. I miss you so much. Yes, I work and go to school, but other than that, I sit here at home alone all the time. I get so lonely, almost to the point of depression. I am so sad all the time and you don't even notice. I don't know why, but I am not myself anymore. I used to try to look nice, and did. I would wake up and fix my hair and make-up and look forward to my day. Now, all I do is sleep. I don't wear make-up anymore, and I just put my hair up in a pony-tail. I hate looking in the mirror anymore, it makes me sick. I don't really do much because I don't have any energy. It doesn't make since, I don't do anything to not have energy. I find myself starting fights with you for no reason just so I can talk to you. I don't like who I am anymore. I have no friends, my family is crazy (so is yours) I guess I just want somebody to talk to. Its not your fault, you try so hard to make me happy by working all the time to give me all the material things that I want. PLEASE TAKE A NIGHT OFF OF WORK AND SPEND TIME WITH ME!!! I MISS YOU.

Confession #2220

You say that me and our daughter are the best things that ever happened to you, so why do you treat me like this?

You have two extremes. Either you are incredibly loving and giving or you are mean, arrogant and just plain cruel. I never know which side of you I’m going to get from day to day, but it seems like I see the loving side less and less.

You are the most arrogant guy I’ve ever met, yet you pale in comparison to my ex. He is just as smart as you and he is much more successful than you and very sexy and good looking, yet he’s actually very humble and NICE. He has more reason to act like an arrogant ass, but he doesn’t. We are just friends now, but I yearn for him in a way I never could for you.

How dare you criticize and demean me the way you constantly do when I work so hard inside of the home and out. You are not here Monday through Thursday, so I bear the brunt of all the responsibility for our child and even when you are here, you help here and there. I take excellent care of our daughter and even you admit that I’m a wonderful mother, yet you throw temper tantrums about stamps being in the wrong place or my mail not being neat and orderly. Get over yourself!

You barely touch me and when you do it’s a quick, dismissive kiss that I can do without. I am a nice looking woman with a good job, degree, and with a good head on my shoulders. I’ve had the displeasure of meeting one of your trampy exes and I’ve seen pics of the other one. Looks like you enjoy the company of the fat ones that solicit sex online, so maybe I’m just not your type.

It’s so sad that when you are home, I’d rather be at work so I don’t have to be around your grumpiness. My coworkers are actually a lot more fun to be around than you. One in particular seems to think the world of me. I have no interest in him, but it’s still nice to know that someone actually appreciates me, pays attention to me and likes the person that I am. He calls constantly outside of work and even though you act like you are oblivious I know that you’ve noticed.

Oh, and if I were to mention the cheating, that would take up another 10 paragraphs but I could care less who you are dicking around with at this point so there is no need to mention that.

What makes me really sad and brings a tear to my eye as I type this is that our precious baby girl is just five months old. L I can’t imagine subjecting her to this environment for the next 18 years and if and when you start to dump your cruelty and criticisms on her, I think I might be moved to commit serious bodily injury to you. I can see it now because you get annoyed with her for being fussy. You try to apply logic and reason and talk her out of crying. Um, she’s five months old and she’s teething, Dumb Ass!

With all of your criticism, you would think you are perfect but here’s a newsflash – you are far from it. Aside from being arrogant, you are fat, hairy and your meanness makes you even more unattractive. Turn that microscope around on yourself and when you see yourself for the person you truly are, stick it up your ass. I hear you’re into that anyway.


Anonymous said...

2219 Honey, no one ever said life was going to be a cake walk. You should be thankful that you have a husband that is willing to bust his butt to improve your lives. This is a short term inconvenience if you two plan on spending the rest of your lives together. Instead of grieving over the time you do not have with one another, take maximum advantage of the time you do have to spend with one another. You are not alone, my husband and myself have very little personal time with one another. Our work schedules don't match up very well so we're lucky if we have 3 hours (excluding time in bed asleep) with one another. If you have too much time on your hands, volunteer. Give of yourself to someone or something where your help is needed. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself helps no one.

sufficiently cold said...


Why are you still there, sounds to me like you would have no problem taking care of yourself and your child on your own, it makes no sense that you are still there.

I left my ex one day, moved his shit out when he was at work. He said some very abusive and hurtful things to me in front of our child and that was the last straw. The "last straw" should have come when my daughter was three and her father tried to smother me on our couch in front of her. Instead I let my precious daughter sit on my lap and wipe the tears from my face with her blankie while her father stormed around the house screaming about how women are so "naggy."

If your husband treats you like this it is a GUARANTEE that he will treat your daughter like that at some point, and you are completely right in feeling like you shouldn't raise your daughter in such a toxic environment. Your child is young enough to get out of this relatively unscathed, mine weren't, and we are still trying to fix the damage 4 years later. I hold myself responsible for not running sooner. Mothers carry enough guilt as it is, don't give yourself more of a reason to feel guilty. Get out, please, for yourself and for your child.

Anonymous said...

Amen 2218!!!!

Anonymous said...

2215: I too am a caretaker for the man I love- making sure his life is pleasant but my efforts going unappreciated. It is not easy to walk away. I would envy you if you found the courage.

Anonymous said...

2218 - I didn't know my bf had a virtual TWIN! Lotto tickets, pot, video games.... yeah, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I call it Rockstar mentality.... he still thinks he's gonna be something big 'when he grows up', only thing is, he's too busy day dreaming to see he is grown up and has adult responsibilities.... OMG, I could go on all day!

Anonymous said...

You don't get to tell your kids' father what he does on his own time. If he wants to spend time with his girlfriend and his children together, it's his right to do that. Please, please get that, and it will make everyone's life easier.

Anonymous said...

2215 -- i cried when i read your post. i've done the same thing many times, trying to surprise my husband with little treats i think he'll like, that i'm really excited to present him with, and i don't get a thanks in return. i just get a "i don't really like sweets every day." ok, well, whatever, i knew you liked dunkin donuts, i thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to a box of them! but no, not even a "but i appreciate it, and here, lemme eat some right now to show you how much i appreciate the gesture." i, too, feel i should have gotten angry, but like you, i only yelled a little, but mainly cried instead.

Anonymous said...

2211: You DO deserve better and I think you should try and find it. His actions are not the actions of a man who cares.

2212: That is so wonderful that you've found each other. It gives me hope that maybe one day I can find that :)