I want to be a good mother...but what I really want more is to get wasted, so I can forget about how we used to love each other, forget about how I'm alone with a baby now, and possibly to continue flirting with your brothers. Oh, and drugs would be nice too. I will never neglect our child, but even if I do, you will never have occasion to find out. I bet you won't care because you will be too busy playing guitar anyway, you stupid teen father.
I never thanked you for quitting smoking. I knew about your secret habit when we first started dating. I never said anything because I didn't have any evidence of it, and I didn't want to start an agrument. I had just finished a five year relationship where my boyfriend promised on a weekly basis that he would quit, or at least cut back, but he never even put up the effort and it always led to a huge fight.
Then, almost after a year of dating, you confessed about your habit. You also confessed that you had just recently quit...for me. You knew I didn't approve so you gave it up, and without me ever asking you to or fighting over it.
So now that we're married, whenever you annoy the crap out of me, I remember the things that make you such a wonderful person, like quitting something I greatly disapproved of without any persuasion on my part. So thank you.
Dear Husband, YOU SUCK!
I am in love with my cousin. I have no intention of doing anything
about it, but his presence makes me glow with joy. I hope it's not
painfully obvious. How embarrassing!
Sometimes I think you are such a loser. You hardly shower anymore, you don't shave, you don't do anything for me. But you wonder why sometimes it seems like I'm not turned on by you?
Maybe that's because you've finally noticed me ... now that I'm noticing your friends. They're hot. And clean. And they smell good. And they might not be built up or anything, but at least they aren't soft. You gripe that you're too fat, and whine like a high-school girl when there's yet ANOTHER pair of jeans that you can't wear, but you do NOTHING about your gut that's getting bigger, or your ass that's getting fatter.
And why don't you want to go out and hang with me? Just because we live together doesn't mean we're 80 and we can't get out of the house. Maybe you're just too lazy ...
Or maybe you're afraid that someone else will notice me in a way that you haven't for a long time. And maybe you're afraid because because you know I'll notice them back.
The sad thing is, I'd rather you spend the effort making me notice you again instead of hiding me away so no one will steal me. Get off your lazy spreading butt and make sure I'm not stealable.
DH: I love you with all my heart, you are a great man.
I have one really big problem that gets on my nerves time and time again but you wont listen to me.
Leave my sneakers alone!!!. They are my sneakers and even though i lace them right just to be able to slip them on.. they are still MY sneakers.
When ever you have to run outside or into the garage you wear my friggin sneakers.. yours are sitting right beside mine. Use them!
You went outside this weekend to play with DD. I thought i could join you. Enjoy the day.. but you had my shoes! And i am not going to wear yours. They are stiff and smelly.
Husband dear.. dont touch!
I used to think that all your friends and family were just assholes and you were the victim of them badgering you. But after all these years, I am starting to realize that the reason they treat me like crap and don’t want us together is because you must talk shit about me behind my back. I’ve never given them a reason to hate me or think badly of me, but yet they all do. Your parents didn’t want you to marry me, your siblings spoke out against us being together, and two of your oldest friends tried to talk you out of proposing. You had me believing that it’s an us against them thing, when really its you being your own worst enemy. You talk shit about them so that I feel bad for you, but in turn I end up hating them, so I can only assume that you do the same to them. No wonder they all refuse to join us for parties!
I love you, really I do. I feel like we are a good match, but I am just starting to realize some things about you that either I never noticed before or I refused to see them until now. Snap out of it! Stop sabotaging your relationships! Don’t you want your family and your wife to get along? Don’t you want to be able to have a fun time with both you friends and your wife? I just hope that over time you learn to stop doing this and change. Marriage changes everything, right? All my friends tell me that once you get married, everything is different – I just hope that that includes changing bad to good.
You know that god awful silk flower arrangement on the mantle? The one
your mother made you to "match" the "decor" at your old bachelor pad?
Four feet tall, three feet wide, burgundy, baby blue and pink? With
the single, inexplicable bunch of grapes? Just so you know, it is
ABSOLUTELY getting lost in the next move
Last week you told me in front of our friends that you might think about asking me to marry you if I would quit talking about it... I don't know why you don't listen to my marriage comments a little more closely asshole! I have never once talked about marrying you. I have said that someday I would like to get married and have children but I have never said I would like to marry YOU!
I was told by your brother-in-law in August that you and him had looked at "rings." I am happy that he "slipped up" and told me about it because it gave me an opportunity to "head off" whatever you had in mind. If you would listen a little more closely you would hear things like I am not ready for marriage right now and I would like to buy ME a house next year. How do get that I talk about marriage all the time from those comments??? First of all, I am 31 years old and I haven't waited this long to get married to someone I had to push in to it... I am not some little girl who doesn't know her worth or that life is to long to live with an asshole. I know what I am worth and what I expect out of a realtionship and frankly, this isn't it! Second of all, what makes you think it's all your choice??? Before you go buy a ring you might want to clean the peanut butter out of your ears.
Sometimes, OK most times it really sucks that my male co-worker and I talk more than you and I do. My own husband. When I hear my co-worker say, "She doesn't drink coffee, she likes tea" or he sends me an article about something he knows I will agree with him on, do you even know what political party I associate myself with? I mean this man knows so many things about me, about us, about our kids and I know about him and his family. I can tell you what news channel he prefers, I can tell when its him walking up behind me because I recognize his steps. I don't have feelings for him, I love and adore you. I know you love me, I just wish you would take the time to "know and like" me. Just because we've been together for 7 years doesn't mean you know all you need to know. I hate feeling lonely, when I am not alone.