Do you want to know why we drifted apart? It's because of your stupid attitude. It's time you realize that we are different. I cant be as perfect and organized as you are. Hell why should I? I'm spontaneous and adventurous. I love to laugh and have fun. You are so fucking boring I could scream. Your idea of fun and spending time together is watching a movie. I love movies but not that crap you love to watch. We have absolutely nothing in common no wonder we disagree on so much. You say that life is black or white, I think its not always black or white it's sometimes grey. I hate the way you are always so perfect and expect me to be perfect also. I hate how you constantly criticize me about everything. Dont you know by doing this you make me resent you more. I wish you would stop treating me like your child and more like an adult person.
I have been on Prozac for one week. My husband doesn't know. I think he is part of the reason I have turned to medication...
I know you are sick with a cold. And I feel sorry for you. But take some damn medication!! Your moaning and groaning about how sick you are and then your refusal to take any medicine to help you feel more comfortable? Drives me CRAZY. Just take some tylenol cold for gods sake, like every other person who has a cold!
I'm sorry I couldn't hear you knocking at the front door. The TV was on, I was running water while washing dishes in the kitchen and talking to our daughter. You acted like I committed the ultimate sin or something, just because you had to use the back door. "Why do you have the fucking front door locked up anyway?", you yelled. Because we live in a freaking shitty neighborhood, that's why. And I never know if you are outside, inside, just left in the car....I'm paranoid about someone coming in our house when you aren't there. I'm sorry I'm not superwoman, psychic, June Cleaver, and Betty Crocker. I do the best I can, but you don't seem to realize that. Sometimes I just wish that you could be me for a day, and realize how hard I try to please everyone, to be a good wife and mother, to be a good employee, and how stressed out and tired I am. I try to give you that courtesy - to not judge you or hold grudges against you because I don't know what it is like to be you.
orry for cheating on you and getting pregnant. I'm sorry for you being so embarrassed that you haven't talked to your family since you found out. My infidelity wasn't caused by something missing in our relationship. We have a good marriage.
Sadly, the only thing I have to offer you or anyone else is sex and what results from it. I'm emotionally hollow. I have two settings - addiction and indifference - either acute or chronic. Nothing will fix this, not therapy or time. I have left the decision of reconciling or not, up to you for those reasons. I could go either way so whatever you choose, I will accept.
This will not be the end of my infidelity, it will happen again with someone else at some other random time, so don't be in denial of that. You can justify my behavior to yourself or others as a symptom of my bipolar disorder, if that is what you want to do.
If you decide to reconcile, I will be supportive of you in everything you do and provide a good homelife. If you want more children, I will have them. Just please, don't expect more than that.
When you told me that my daughter manipulated me into allowing her to slide by things I always resented knowing you were really right and I was too stubborn and prideful to admit it. I fought you and became defensive and refused to allow you to complete sentences so it became a fight. It was the only thing we ever fought about. Now she is out of high school, she has nothing to show for any of the time that's passed and has barely gotten into the most accessible colleges, yet she's chosen not to go and is instead working at a fast food joint making minimum wage.
You've been proven right over and over again, but you've never gloated or said I told you so. I know as I think back that you always focused on each issue; you had a clear picture of what the best outcome was and what she needed to do differently to get there, and I never listened. Each time I made it easy for her to fail, to not even try while at the same time fighting with her and allowing her to control me. Every time she demonstrated an interest in something you were always the first to find all the ways you could that would encourage her and support her, from buying any piece of equipment needed to just being willing to talk to her about it and encourage her to do her best. She always gave up, she'd keep it from you and I'd let it go.
You were right, I never listened and now she has burned so many bridges, yet you still say to keep trying and that kids come of age at all sorts of ages. After all the fighting and resisting and lack of acknowledgment that you were right about not always making it easy for her to fail, you amazingly bare no resentment toward me. You still look for every opportunity for her to be successful and do everything in your power to get her there. How do you do that? How do you stay the course? Your own kids all excel, they are all wonderful, engaging, functional citizens; you knew what you were doing and I allowed my own selfish pride to prevent you influencing my daughter. My god, I am a fool!
I am to weak and prideful to tell you this, but I promise to show you how much I love you for this and the so many unselfish things you are. This month is our 10th anniversary and I love you now more than I even knew was possible when we first married. That I can tell you, that I will make sure you know. I don't know why I can't stand my ground with her, and I am heartbroken over the path she is headed down. I have been my own worst enemy, and worse yet, I've allowed it to hurt her as well.
It hurts me, deep in my soul, that you have asked and expected me to change pieces of me but you will not reciprocate. I know you will never change your unromantic ways (how I wish you were excited to see me when I come home or planned surprises for me) but when you are late to everything, and I mean everything, it is disrespectful. You tell me to take it easy or not get so uptight but it is rude to show up a half hour or hour late to a couples night or to my parents house. The people in my life that love me have accepted this about you but it doesn't make it right. You could change this if you wanted to but I just don't feel you want to.
We have been together 8 years. LONG time. And in that long time, throughout all of our ups and downs, it is always me that adjusts to make you happy. I'm a passive person by nature but I feel taken advantage of. When I voice my complaints, you turn it around and get angry at me. You excuse your complaints about me as you wanting to help me be a better person...but if that's the case, why can't I "help" you? I truly believe you think you are perfect and you're not. And I love you 140% anyway. I don't care that you leave your snot rags on your nightstand for days or that you drool over women right in front of me. But I do take issue with you not defending me to your family, calling me stupid and telling me how to spend my free time. Why are you so controlling?
And your ultimate form of control over me is marriage. You haven't asked me to marry you and I am at the point where I think you don't want to marry me. You say you do, you tell me you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with me...but you don't go beyond that. At first it was my weight. You said you can't spend the rest of your life with someone who can't do the active things you want to always do. So I worked on that and it's gotten better. Then it was my financial issues...even though you could lighten my burden by not insisting I pay half of just about everything we do together. And now you say it's a trust issue. That I'm not 100% honest and open with you about my food issues and what else am I hiding? I'm starting to think these are excuses. I'm starting to think that if you really wanted to marry me, you would ask. I wish I could believe you are going to surprise me like you say you will...but everytime you plop down $200 for a concert I'd rather not go to, I know that that money could have been saved to make me your wife and you aren't doing it.
Why can't you be happy with me?
D(ick)H(ead), I've just about had it with you.
The other week, you complained that I was becoming "distant" and "withdrawn" and that you felt that I was very unhappy. You didn't seem able to connect it with the fact that in the last few months you seem to think it's perfectly OK to treat me rudely and disrespectfully, and having tantrums over unbelievably minor shit that would make a 5 year old proud.
If you treated anyone else like that, you would get cut off for life, but somehow you seem to think that since I live in this house it's OK and after you get over it I should just forget about it and play happy families. Not fucking likely. Every time you act like a disrespectful ass to me, I care a little bit less about you. Push me far enough, to the point where I don't care any more at all, and I will walk and be glad to do it.
I understand that you are under a huge amount of stress with your family shit and your mother's illness. However, I don't deserve to have you treat me like this, and I will not put up with it.
You bitch at me for not wanting kids, yet you can't seem to notice when clothes need to get washed, the dishwasher needs to get loaded, or things need to be picked up. And somehow it's my fault if the laundry fairy or the housework fairy doesn't wash the clothes or do something when you arbitrarily decide it should happen. Get over yourself asshole. You live here, you contribute to the mess, and you're too good to dirty your hands cleaning it? Fuck you.
Want kids? Get over it, asshole. You're the one who wants them, not me. Until you prove to me that you're able to pick up your own fucking slack, I'm going to keep right on popping those magic birth control pills. I'm seriously considering getting an IUD as well, so I can say that I'm "off the pill" when you start nagging me about "trying". If I found out that I were pregnant today, I would abort. That's how much I hate the idea of being stuck with all the fucking childcare, and the idea of being tied to you by a child if you keep acting like this. Why do you think I'd want to have a kid with somebody who can't treat me civilly?
The other night was a perfect example of everything I'm starting to hate about you. I said that my parents had suggested we spend xmas with them at my grandmother's. She's 90 years old, has just been widowed, and is too ill to travel. Every other year, we host dinner and your fucking pigs of relatives make asses of themselves. For one year, I suggested we do something different and go over on xmas day. Your bitch of a mother was even invited, so she wouldn't be alone. We've done this ONCE before in the 13 years we've been together. I understand it's a long drive, and if you had calmly said you didn't want to do it and you'd rather go later that week instead, that would have been perfectly acceptable. Instead, you had a huge drama queen hysterical tantrum complete with screaming and yelling. When I lost my temper because OF THE WAY YOU TREATED ME, you had more hysterics about how xmas was so important to you and how could I suggest this, all the while weaseling out of apologizing for your completely. Well, asshole, you'll get what you want...but I am not lifting a finger this year to plan dinner. You can deal with it all, and I don't want to know. I'm very tempted to just go to my GM's instead and leave you to deal with your relatives' crap.
I'm also getting really sick of sex once a week. You bitch that you're too tired, but you're not too tired to play with the fucking computer for hours. And I can't remember the last time you actually tried anything adventurous or interesting. Most guys would be thrilled to have a wife who loves sex like I do and could happily do multiple times a day plus some moderate kink. I'm 30 years old, fit and sexy...why the hell should I have to feel like I need to initiate every time? Try showing some interest and using your imagination for once.
Fuck you, you selfish piece of shit. If you knew how much I was starting to fantasize about leaving for good, you might not be so quick to be such an asshole.
To my mother-in-law who loves to milk sympathy and is so self-righteous
and pious to all:
You know I am so disappointed in you. I thought you were such a caring
person, but you’re too selfish to be. You wouldn’t even let us borrow a
vehicle and you know what a hard time we’re having financially and I
just hope that your vehicles keep you warm when you’re sitting out there
by yourself. I sure as won’t be bending over backward to do anything
for you anymore. You always brag about tithing, but you can tithe until
the cows come home. But if you’re selfish and stingy (and that you are),
God will take notice of it. You were so particular with that stupid
white car and wouldn’t let anyone drive it and pitched a fit when Xxxx
and I borrowed your ugly old Pontiac to use to drive when my Daddy was
dying. Well, now you got a taste of what my family went through. I
think God took your husband as a way to show you that that stupid white
car wasn’t as important as say, Xxxxx! I know never to depend on you for
anything, that’s for sure. It’s a wonder you ever give anything away as
selfish as you are. You have money in the bank and are so selfish with
it. I hope those Florida people sue your ass off and take everything
you own and I think it’s funny that you’re too stupid to know any
better. Don’t ever ask for another favor, EVER! By the way, you waddle
like a duck when you walk and are built like one to boot! HA! I’m
tired of your son being so defensive over you. I don’t know why. You
almost killed him when he was little. I think that’s why he beats me- I
wish he’d come back and beat the shit out of you!
Ya know I felt wretched for what I had done to you. I didn't want to hurt you, but today you had the unmitigated gall to force me to tell you one of my secrets. DO YOU NOT GET IT?! Everyone has them! Including you! and Just because It's "Not fair to make you tell a secret" doesn't make it right that you forced me.
You ended up doing the one thing..the one thing you said you wouldn't do, which is force me to do anything. I'm almost 20 years old! Just because you are 26 doesn't mean you have anymore wisdom than me. I probably have more life experience than you, I have loved more than one man.
The worst part is is that I still bend to you..6 years and I'm still cowering and saying "Yes, I'm bad and blah blah." I shouldn't HAVE to tell you anything, not to mention the first secret is the one you hated most.
I would be with him if I could. I would run away and marry him and in love. Because I love him, as much as I did when I was fully in love with you. And HE treats me well, holy crap go figure! But he is my half-brother and I can't do anything to change that, I can't bear his children and it kills me sometimes.
You have to get over it, I wouldn't be fighting to get back together with you if I planned on spending my life with him. You are being vile and worse than I ever was. I may have slept with him but I didn't humiliate you. I never changed...I think you may have..and it scares me..