he's gone and that's good. you're here and that's better.
I used to think you were the shallow one--always cheery, never talking about anything deep or, to be honest, and I am, you're particularly interesting. 25 years later I know better. You've stayed through all sorts of bullshit, much of it you didn't know about, thank god I was never that stupid. I thought I didn't want to hurt you, turns out I was just canny about my own needs. You may not fill them all, but if you don't, I better find it in me. You're too good to cheat on again.
I gave into that "loved you since high school" line because, yeah, it was intense back then. But when I said, I can't leave no, not yet, he was gone to another woman within a month. Zoom. So much for LifeLongLove.
Now the only debate is who's more shallow, me? him? I don't deserve you but I'm not going to let that bother me unless I have the urge to start something again. I'll come over here and read this and think, yo, dudette, you're an idiot. It's not real. Happy guy in your bed every night who tells the same stale dumb jokes? the one who doesn't set you on fire? He's real.
PS I bet that's a Freudian slip, that "you're particularly interesting" when I meant to write "not particularly interesting."
You're snoring next to me in bed and after I hit send, I'll go shove you onto your side, which at least turns down the volume, and snuggle up behind you and feel blessed while I dose off.
I wish I could tell you some of this, but I consider the need for silence a perverse payment for my sins, snuggling with you and guilt in the same bed. You take up a lot more space and are warmer and a lot friendlier, usually.
I suspect you had an affair, too, a few years back--amazing how easy it is to do in these long term relationships--but by God, I don't want to know. I'm taking it from here and not turning into a pillar of salt, unless I have need to recall my own slip. Just one, mind you. So far. Forward, hark.
So this guy I used to "date" emailed me today about how he put his picture up on "hot or not" dot com and was complaining about his less-than-great results, so of course, I had to visit the stupid website to try to find the photo in question. Meaning I had to go through a whole parade of mostly "not's" with a few "trying too hard's" and "gay's" and "you must be joking's" before I finally just asked him to send me the picture. And as I flipped through this sad, sad display, all I could think was--"damn, I'm glad I'm married."
And that my husband is definitely hot.
Sometimes I look at our family and I wonder what it would be like if I
had never had kids with my ex. I know that my life would be far
different and most likely we never would have met. Having the girls
with him was one of the events that led to me moving here, you moved
here shortly afterward and with one wrong button click we found each
other. For just a few moments every once in awhile though I take the
girls and my ex and everything surrounding them and erase them from my
mind for just a bit and I sit back and imagine what it would be like
with just you, me and our baby. Still living in the same house, still
working the same jobs, still living in the same town, just with not as
many people, and it feels so good.. Then I feel guilty because I love
my kids with everything I have, all 3 of them. I would die to protect
them and I would kill to save them if i needed to, I would need no
prompting. It just feels so different to have a child with a man you
truly love, a man you trust to be just as good or better of a parent
then I am. A man that truly truly loves me for every single part of
me. I am glad my girls have you to call dad, I am glad that I get to
call you my husband.
I know you will know who I am once you read this and I love the fact
that you will come home after work and kiss me and hug me and tell me
that you love me and you know that I love my girls, you know I would
never give them up for anything and you understand what I am feeling
when I imagine my life without them in it. I can't ask for anything
more then a partner in my life who understands me mostly and strives to
understand me better all the time. I love you, thanks for all the back
This confession goes out to my ex-Dh's Third wife....
I'm sorry I met,fell in love and married him first..
I'm sorry you are so very insecure and immature of this fact.
I'm sorry you can't stand that after 9 years of marriage,and knowing each other since we were 16 years old,that we are great friends.
I'm sorry you are bitter and angry that every month since we have been divorced,He has paid his monthly child support.
I'm sorry your daddy only paid your mommy50 bucks in child support,so you feel your DH shouldn't pay for his children.
I'm sorry you can't understand the whole meaning of loving fathers helping in raising financially,and emotionally taking responsibility.
I'm sorry I thanked the lord for sending him a"good one",when all along you two faced and sneaky..
I'm sorry I invited you into my house thinking you were happy that we get along in raising healthy children,when you are pea green with envy.
I'm sorry you have nothing more productive in your life to do other than write nasty,and untrue things on th internet about your Dh's first wife,and children.
I'm sorry you most likely didn't get the whole truth about our divorce..
I'm sorry most of all you say you can't love our children because they are loyal and love their mother... so sad for you!
I'm sorry you are jealous of the time they are with their father,because they take up his attention and time away from you as you wrote on your blog..
I'm sorry and disappointed that you are not mature to handle a divorced man with children,and the child support eats you away every month!
Have a nice day Third wife!
you keep asking me what has changed, and what is different, and I think I have finally figured it out.
I have given up-- I am letting go of my dream.
I always thought there was more TO you--- there was this brilliant, dependable person on the inside that would suddenly pop out one day.
Now, at almost 40, I think I have figured it out.
you are never going to hold a steady job.
you are never going to be a good father (or better father, in all fairness you are an ok father) to your son.
you are never going to be the spiritual head of our household.
you are never going to be "glass half full."
I will never truly be happy with you.
I never should have married you.
Marrying you has ruined any chances for true success for me.
I am a single parent, just with you here too.
you are stupid.
you are boring and predictable.
you are a weight around my ankle.
I always thought that there was more to you, but there isn't. THAT is what I have figured out. We don't have a bad life, but it isn't a great life either. it is a life of mediocrity.
I spent 9 years with your abusive ass because I was to weak to leave
you. At least four times a week I wiped my just got done peeing vagina
on the shirts that you fucking insisted on leaving on the bathroom floor
daily. you know, the ones you then screamed at me for not picking up
before you got home from your oh so exhausting job? The best part of
the whole thing is when you would then put them on and wear them again
after my pee stains dried, I giggled every morning when you left for
work, after I breathed a sigh of relief at having you out of the house.
You never found out and two years later I still giggle about it.
Would it kill you to have a conversation that didn't involve complaining about work and/or chores that need to be done? I'd like to talk about hopes, dreams, future plans, travel, past experiences, friends, books, movies, and maybe even a few philosophical ideas. When I try to tell you something you cut me off and make it about you you you.
I don't want to be in a relationship with my ex
boyfriend anymore. We've been on and off over the past
3 years and each time we are "on," there's nothing
there but the sex. He cannot satisfy me outside the
bedroom. He ignores me in public, dismisses me in
conversations and generally treats me as if I'm
beneath him but he'll be all cuddly when he wants sex.
I won't hear from him unless he wants something. I
need to break this bad habit. I just wish I could tell
You are away this weekend and I am glad...glad you are away from the bitch who has taken you from me. You are completely and totally miserable with her and yet you stay. Everyone notices the difference in your mood, your appearance, your stature..and it kills me. I miss the confident man I fell in love with. Yes being your friend and nothing else is very hard because I see how badly she treats you and I want to beat her face in.
I wish you would realize quickly that she doesn't really want you...she just doesn't want you with anyone else. She knows you were happy and HATED it because she is miserable. I don't think she can be anything but miserable. I am better looking than she is, not that it really matters just something I have observed from her picture.
Oh, and she has been stalking my myspace page. I am putting little things on there to drive crazy and wait for you to ask me about it. I won't tell you that I am doing it on purpose but I am.
"Torn between two lovers..fellin like a fool..Loving both of u, is breaking all the rules..Oh how I totally get this song! I'm so confused. I know i have to choose between the both of u,but its so hard! U hav been my husband for seven yrs. After the divorce, i didnt think we would ever think of getting back. U have no idea how much u hurt me, now, u finally realise how much i meant to u. I know u really love me and i'm sure that u wont do what u did to hurt me again, but it's hard to love you the way I once did. The next thing is you are never around and i feel so lonely. I need a companion. Someone to come home to everyday, someone to take me out and enjoy spending time with. I know i could never get this from you because of your job. He is always there for me. He makes me happy. I'm not sure if he loves me as much as u do though,after all, we have only been dating eight months now. He knows about u and your intentions.I told him.I would never try to hide that from him.He wants me to make a decision. Its only fair.With u I know i will never have to worry about security and finance. I know if i got sick u will be here for me. I have no doubt that u love me, my doubt is within myself. I do love and care for u, but i'm not sure its the kind of love you are looking for in a wife. I dont know if i can allow my heart to love u like that anymore bec I have built a wall up to prevent getting hurt the way i did before. I do love him also, i love being around him. He makes my heart smile.I just melt in his arms and in his smile.He doesn't work for as much as u do..I know if I am with him he might not be able to give me the things you could but that doesn't bother me the least. I am afraid of what will happen in the future. What if he changes? What if things don't work out... He already told me that if i chose him, I could never talk to u again and u say the same. I don't know what to do.Someone plz help me..