Tuesday, October 02, 2007

True Wife Confessions 212 Manhatten

Confession #2111

he's gone and that's good. you're here and that's better.

I used to think you were the shallow one--always cheery, never talking about anything deep or, to be honest, and I am, you're particularly interesting. 25 years later I know better. You've stayed through all sorts of bullshit, much of it you didn't know about, thank god I was never that stupid. I thought I didn't want to hurt you, turns out I was just canny about my own needs. You may not fill them all, but if you don't, I better find it in me. You're too good to cheat on again.

I gave into that "loved you since high school" line because, yeah, it was intense back then. But when I said, I can't leave no, not yet, he was gone to another woman within a month. Zoom. So much for LifeLongLove.

Now the only debate is who's more shallow, me? him? I don't deserve you but I'm not going to let that bother me unless I have the urge to start something again. I'll come over here and read this and think, yo, dudette, you're an idiot. It's not real. Happy guy in your bed every night who tells the same stale dumb jokes? the one who doesn't set you on fire? He's real.

PS I bet that's a Freudian slip, that "you're particularly interesting" when I meant to write "not particularly interesting."
You're snoring next to me in bed and after I hit send, I'll go shove you onto your side, which at least turns down the volume, and snuggle up behind you and feel blessed while I dose off.

I wish I could tell you some of this, but I consider the need for silence a perverse payment for my sins, snuggling with you and guilt in the same bed. You take up a lot more space and are warmer and a lot friendlier, usually.

I suspect you had an affair, too, a few years back--amazing how easy it is to do in these long term relationships--but by God, I don't want to know. I'm taking it from here and not turning into a pillar of salt, unless I have need to recall my own slip. Just one, mind you. So far. Forward, hark.

Confession #2112

So this guy I used to "date" emailed me today about how he put his picture up on "hot or not" dot com and was complaining about his less-than-great results, so of course, I had to visit the stupid website to try to find the photo in question. Meaning I had to go through a whole parade of mostly "not's" with a few "trying too hard's" and "gay's" and "you must be joking's" before I finally just asked him to send me the picture. And as I flipped through this sad, sad display, all I could think was--"damn, I'm glad I'm married."

And that my husband is definitely hot.


Confession #2113

Sometimes I look at our family and I wonder what it would be like if I
had never had kids with my ex. I know that my life would be far
different and most likely we never would have met. Having the girls
with him was one of the events that led to me moving here, you moved
here shortly afterward and with one wrong button click we found each
other. For just a few moments every once in awhile though I take the
girls and my ex and everything surrounding them and erase them from my
mind for just a bit and I sit back and imagine what it would be like
with just you, me and our baby. Still living in the same house, still
working the same jobs, still living in the same town, just with not as
many people, and it feels so good.. Then I feel guilty because I love
my kids with everything I have, all 3 of them. I would die to protect
them and I would kill to save them if i needed to, I would need no
prompting. It just feels so different to have a child with a man you
truly love, a man you trust to be just as good or better of a parent
then I am. A man that truly truly loves me for every single part of
me. I am glad my girls have you to call dad, I am glad that I get to
call you my husband.

I know you will know who I am once you read this and I love the fact
that you will come home after work and kiss me and hug me and tell me
that you love me and you know that I love my girls, you know I would
never give them up for anything and you understand what I am feeling
when I imagine my life without them in it. I can't ask for anything
more then a partner in my life who understands me mostly and strives to
understand me better all the time. I love you, thanks for all the back
scratches baby.

Confession #2114

This confession goes out to my ex-Dh's Third wife....
I'm sorry I met,fell in love and married him first..
I'm sorry you are so very insecure and immature of this fact.
I'm sorry you can't stand that after 9 years of marriage,and knowing each other since we were 16 years old,that we are great friends.
I'm sorry you are bitter and angry that every month since we have been divorced,He has paid his monthly child support.
I'm sorry your daddy only paid your mommy50 bucks in child support,so you feel your DH shouldn't pay for his children.
I'm sorry you can't understand the whole meaning of loving fathers helping in raising financially,and emotionally taking responsibility.
I'm sorry I thanked the lord for sending him a"good one",when all along you two faced and sneaky..
I'm sorry I invited you into my house thinking you were happy that we get along in raising healthy children,when you are pea green with envy.
I'm sorry you have nothing more productive in your life to do other than write nasty,and untrue things on th internet about your Dh's first wife,and children.
I'm sorry you most likely didn't get the whole truth about our divorce..
I'm sorry most of all you say you can't love our children because they are loyal and love their mother... so sad for you!
I'm sorry you are jealous of the time they are with their father,because they take up his attention and time away from you as you wrote on your blog..
I'm sorry and disappointed that you are not mature to handle a divorced man with children,and the child support eats you away every month!
Have a nice day Third wife!


Confession #2115

you keep asking me what has changed, and what is different, and I think I have finally figured it out.

I have given up-- I am letting go of my dream.

I always thought there was more TO you--- there was this brilliant, dependable person on the inside that would suddenly pop out one day.

Now, at almost 40, I think I have figured it out.


you are never going to hold a steady job.
you are never going to be a good father (or better father, in all fairness you are an ok father) to your son.
you are never going to be the spiritual head of our household.
you are never going to be "glass half full."
I will never truly be happy with you.
I never should have married you.
Marrying you has ruined any chances for true success for me.
I am a single parent, just with you here too.
you are stupid.
you are boring and predictable.
you are a weight around my ankle.

I always thought that there was more to you, but there isn't. THAT is what I have figured out. We don't have a bad life, but it isn't a great life either. it is a life of mediocrity.


Confession #2116

I spent 9 years with your abusive ass because I was to weak to leave
you. At least four times a week I wiped my just got done peeing vagina
on the shirts that you fucking insisted on leaving on the bathroom floor
daily. you know, the ones you then screamed at me for not picking up
before you got home from your oh so exhausting job? The best part of
the whole thing is when you would then put them on and wear them again
after my pee stains dried, I giggled every morning when you left for
work, after I breathed a sigh of relief at having you out of the house.
You never found out and two years later I still giggle about it.

Confession #2117

Would it kill you to have a conversation that didn't involve complaining about work and/or chores that need to be done? I'd like to talk about hopes, dreams, future plans, travel, past experiences, friends, books, movies, and maybe even a few philosophical ideas. When I try to tell you something you cut me off and make it about you you you.

Confession #2118

I don't want to be in a relationship with my ex
boyfriend anymore. We've been on and off over the past
3 years and each time we are "on," there's nothing
there but the sex. He cannot satisfy me outside the
bedroom. He ignores me in public, dismisses me in
conversations and generally treats me as if I'm
beneath him but he'll be all cuddly when he wants sex.
I won't hear from him unless he wants something. I
need to break this bad habit. I just wish I could tell
him this.

Confession #2119

You are away this weekend and I am glad...glad you are away from the bitch who has taken you from me. You are completely and totally miserable with her and yet you stay. Everyone notices the difference in your mood, your appearance, your stature..and it kills me. I miss the confident man I fell in love with. Yes being your friend and nothing else is very hard because I see how badly she treats you and I want to beat her face in.

I wish you would realize quickly that she doesn't really want you...she just doesn't want you with anyone else. She knows you were happy and HATED it because she is miserable. I don't think she can be anything but miserable. I am better looking than she is, not that it really matters just something I have observed from her picture.

Oh, and she has been stalking my myspace page. I am putting little things on there to drive crazy and wait for you to ask me about it. I won't tell you that I am doing it on purpose but I am.

Confession #2120

"Torn between two lovers..fellin like a fool..Loving both of u, is breaking all the rules..Oh how I totally get this song! I'm so confused. I know i have to choose between the both of u,but its so hard! U hav been my husband for seven yrs. After the divorce, i didnt think we would ever think of getting back. U have no idea how much u hurt me, now, u finally realise how much i meant to u. I know u really love me and i'm sure that u wont do what u did to hurt me again, but it's hard to love you the way I once did. The next thing is you are never around and i feel so lonely. I need a companion. Someone to come home to everyday, someone to take me out and enjoy spending time with. I know i could never get this from you because of your job. He is always there for me. He makes me happy. I'm not sure if he loves me as much as u do though,after all, we have only been dating eight months now. He knows about u and your intentions.I told him.I would never try to hide that from him.He wants me to make a decision. Its only fair.With u I know i will never have to worry about security and finance. I know if i got sick u will be here for me. I have no doubt that u love me, my doubt is within myself. I do love and care for u, but i'm not sure its the kind of love you are looking for in a wife. I dont know if i can allow my heart to love u like that anymore bec I have built a wall up to prevent getting hurt the way i did before. I do love him also, i love being around him. He makes my heart smile.I just melt in his arms and in his smile.He doesn't work for as much as u do..I know if I am with him he might not be able to give me the things you could but that doesn't bother me the least. I am afraid of what will happen in the future. What if he changes? What if things don't work out... He already told me that if i chose him, I could never talk to u again and u say the same. I don't know what to do.Someone plz help me..

60 comments:

Anonymous said...

#2119-

I know exactly how that feels but just know that one day he will figure it out. Mine is on the verge I think.

I also want to beat her in the face. And shake him to make him open his eyes.

Its too bad that ladies like us hang around for men that don't necessarily realize what they have or had.

D said...

2120, chances are it will not work with either man - assuming you are in an exclusive relationship with your current man. if you leave your current man to go back to your ex, your ex will look at you slant-eyed forever wondering if anyone will ever woo you away from him. if you stay with your current man, the fact that you've even allowed your ex to creep back will trouble him...even if he wants to win the current battle for your heart. he'll also wonder about your capacity for true commitment since it's clear in his mind you'll always be "open" for something better and that you put emotions before honor. but if you're not in an exclusive relationship with the new guy, then have fun with both.

Anonymous said...

2116, that is just sick! wrong! gross!

Anonymous said...

7:59, not true. I left my boyfriend at the time [whom I was in an exclusive relationship with] for my ex. And after three years, my current exclusive relationship is wonderful. Not once did he doubt my loyalty, not then, not now.

D said...

11:23, it's great that worked for you. but it all comes down to why you left. if you left man A because you were having problems and went back to your ex, that's one thing. but if Man A is treating you well, you love him and you committed yourself to this man and you still leave him for your ex because you think you'll be happier, that's when i think there could be problems and issues with loyalty.

but it's great that it worked for you.

Dana - W for Whatever said...

2118 - You don't need to tell him anything. You need to tell it to yourself, mean it and walk away

Anonymous said...

What is up with the 2111 confession? It sounds like a crackhead trying to be Hemingway.

Anonymous said...

8:55... LMFAO.. I was thinking the same thing about 2111... I read it and I read it again. I thought I and thought she must have taken one to many valiums or something......Must be a crack head BlaaaHaaaa

Anonymous said...

2120 is making my eyes bleed. When did people stop learning how to type real words?

Anonymous said...

10:44, I was thinking the same thing. I couldn't even read the entire confession.

2120, you're not paying by the letter-- go ahead and type out "you."

Anonymous said...

2116 needs some serious help. That is soooooo trashy. Grow up!

Anonymous said...

i am 2116 and I have to say wiping my vag with his shirts is a very small amount of retribution for what he put me and MY, not our, daughters through.

Anonymous said...

2120: Ummmmmmmm honey- you are not text messaging your confession... go ahead, be a big girl and spell out the word.. I couldn't get through the enitre confession. I was going blind. Plus it's stupid.

D said...

2116, people always say a person's true personality comes out when they don't think anyone is watching. what do you think it says about you that you are capable, and take glee, in repeatedly doing that?

Anonymous said...

D-
What I think it says about her is that she felt battered and weak and powerless to fight back in a more confrontational or constructive way. I grew up with an abusive mom. And after dinner (we ate on paper plates) I used to throw away my (real) silverware with my plate in an attempt to get back at her. People who feel powerless do all kinds of passive-agressive things to get back at their abusers. It sounds like she's left him now and she's in a better place. I think everyone should give her a break.

Anonymous said...

2116 here, thank you d, you hit the nail on the head. Lets see what this says about me.

My ex recently was kicked out of his girlfriends home because he is an alcoholic abuser, he was drunk for the last time so he says. Myself being a person who believes that people can change and get better let this man stay in my home for a week before he shipped out of state to a treatment facility for alcoholics. I let him stay here so that he could spend a week with his children who will miss him greatly, because you see I don't bad mouth him in front of his kids. I thought it would also give him a chance to see once again what he is missing by fucking up continually and driving his children away from him. He has been in treatment for a little over a week now, but I am hopeful that this will be the last time he has to go and the last time I have to tell his kids why he's gone for so long. My husband agreed to let him stay here with an open heart and an open mind, he feels the same way I do because he loves our children so much.

I wonder what that says about me. Thank you for your support d, i appreciate all of your well thought out comments, keep em coming.

Anonymous said...

Very laughable 2116! Is that your justification? It's still gross. What are you going to do when your kids disappoint you and give you hell? Clean the toilets with their tootbrushes? Bwahahahahahahaha!

D said...

2116, you didn't answer the question: what do you think doing that says about you as a person?

D said...

by the way 12:45, i understand your point.

Anonymous said...

12:45, she could've written her confession and left that gross part out. SHE brought this on here. She should've expected this. Especially, if you remember, how people reacted to the toothbrush/toilet cleaning episodes.

Anonymous said...

And don't forget the "cleaning the vagina with your face washcloth" episodes.

Anonymous said...

Um, can people just calm down on 2116! Have a flipping sense of humor! Unless you have been in a controlling, abusive and closed in relationship - then I really don't think that you can judge her exact situation.

If a man beats his wife everyday for any reason, I think him wearing a pee-smelling work shirt is a pretty just (and funny) way of her fighting back. At the time, I'm sure she felt that she was stuck and so doing that everyday helped her through it.

2116-If I'm wrong, sorry to speak for you. But I thought that shit was funny. Sometimes some people really do deserve gross things to happen to them.

Anonymous said...

2116: Don't be bothered by "d" -- he's a lonely, never been married man who likes to wax philosophic and pass judgements. Just ingnore him, he's pathetic and just comes here for attention.
I get why you did it (so does 12:45) and I think what shows your TRUE character is that you allowed him back into your home when he was down and out. Good luck to you, your children and new husband.

D said...

it's good to know that all men who feel "hurt," "emotionally abused" or whatever by their women would be completely justified in urinating in their wives shampoo bottles or doing something else in their morning coffee. i'm sure you all would support such actions.

if 2116 is saying this man beat her, that's a different story and he deserves much more than she did. but if he was just a run-of-the-mill asshole, her actions are wrong.

Anonymous said...

Her actions are wrong anyway! Grow up 2116! I agree here, that is just gross and immature!

Anonymous said...

Dang ya'll- yes I'm from the SOUTH.... leave 2116 alone. She came here for help.. what she does or did is a cry for help, so as humans let's help her.
I'll tell ya what 2116: Best way to get at them is to ignore them.
Silence is golden and a sure tell sign of a brain.
Use your Vaggie for better things.

Anonymous said...

d-
I believe I can be compassionate and understanding without "supporting" someone's actions. Some of us come here to listen and learn, not to judge. It doesn't mean we "support" everything we read. It just means we believe in the philospohy of live and let live.

Anonymous said...

2116-- Dont listen to them. I was in an abusive (yes he hit me for all of you who dont think its serious unless my nose is broken) relationship for a long time. I say get him back however you want. I think its hilarious.

Serves him right that he should smell like piss since he is such a shitty person.

I wish id have thought of it.

Anonymous said...

2116 again, first of all I made a mistake, d is the one who said something bad about my confession, I still appreciate his comments whether they mesh with mine or not. As for needing a justification for wiping pee on his shirts, I don't need one. i do not feel bad for doing what I did to a man who beat me physically and mentally for years, neither did I let him stay in my home for a week out of some sort of guilt for peeing on his shirts. i let him stay here because like i said I think he deserves a second chance, everyone does. Those two instances are simply things that have happened in my life that I shared. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but it is and was funny as hell, and seriously, it never hurt him in any way.

Anonymous said...

It's funny as hell to you and a few other disturbed people. Most of us here think it's sick and that you are sick for doing it. Period!

Chrissy said...

2116 - HAHAHHAHA best thing i have ever heard! that is the LEAST he deserves. whatever keeps you strong, girl. you've had to deal with much worse BECAUSE of him - good for you! how liberating :)

D said...

putting bullets through his shirt would have been better in my opinion. like I said a woman-beater deserves a bit worse than what you gave him.

Anonymous said...

GROSS!

Anonymous said...

I think your solution was creative. I was physically and mentally abused by my soon to be ex husband, but I was more overtly vindictive. I used to cut up his favorite things and leave them on the dresser after he would hurt me. He would be in the flowers and wine stage, I love you bullshit, so he never did anything about it. I even burned one of his favorite shoes (he still does not know about that one) and kept telling him I would look for every time he asked me if I had seen it. "Oh, maybe the kids drug it off into the yard or something, do not worry, honey, I will keep my eyes open for it."
Good for you in finding something non violent to release your aggression and provide some relief for your hurt!

Anonymous said...

Dude all of you need to back the fuck off of 2116!!! Are you not hearing her? THIS MAN BEAT HER REPETEDLY!!! I have been abused and it is fucked up. She is and was helpless to the situation, she did the only thing she felt safe doing as revenge. I mean how stupid can you be?? HE BEAT HER!!!!! he deserves alot more than to smell like piss, if you ask me she was too easy on him. I WOULD HAVE WIPED MY FUCKING ASS WITH HIS SHIRTS!!!! Call me gross I dont care, that man is a waste of the air we breathe, no man should ever abuse a woman and visa versa for all you sad ass husband beaters out there!!

<3 Peace

D said...

9:18 a.m., 2116 didn't mention the abuse at first so people criticized her. i don't think too many people have a problem with what she did now.

Anonymous said...

9:18, get some anger management would ya?! It's still GROSS!

Anonymous said...

2116 - hysterical!! Good for you!!

To those of you who disagree - keep on living your soap opera no issue lives.

Anonymous said...

9:18 here, "I spent 9 years with your abusive ass because I was too weak to leave you." That's a direct quote from 2116's confession and the first line, so don't give me that crap that she didnt mention it!! It was the first statement she made but all you jugemental assholes looked right past it to the Tshirts. Why are you all sticking up for a man that beat his wife? It's people like all of you who are making our country look like shit to the rest of the world!!!

and to 10:41...Go fuck yourself!! who are you to tell me I need anger managment when you believe it is ok for a man to beat his wife but not ok for his wife to seek revenge in the only way she feels safe?

Gross it may be, wrong it is not!

Beating his wife is wrong, walking around smelling like he pee all day is JUSTICE!!!

Anonymous said...

1:29, 2116 here, thanks for "fighting" for me! I to was somewhat flabbergasted that these women and naysayers here were more outraged that the prick had some piss on his shirt then that I was beaten for years. Oh well, if you ask me that shows the true personality of some of THOSE people. As for everyone else supporting me in my revenge tactic, thank you very much...it was liberating! Even more liberating was the day I packed his shit up and moved it to his moms, then changed the locks and told him to fuck off when he got home from work.

Anonymous said...

9:18/1:29 here, 2116 You are very welcome. I couln't believe THEY would criticize you and not him. Congratulations on finding your strength and realizing you mean more than that! I also confronted my abuser, had him put away infact, and it is liberating! Don't worry about them, Live your life, Love yourself, and Be Happy!

Anonymous said...

2116: Good for you darlin'! I personally would have done a lot worse.


for all of you that think it's gross...you never have a man go down on you? That's not gross too? Is it only gross when it's on clothing? You ever go down on your man? That's not gross?


I've been away from here for a while and I see nothing has changed. Still the same judgemental bunch of cats.

Anonymous said...

2116, not all of us are judgmental like 'd', some of us take time to read and try to understand the confessions before playing judge and jury. 2:59, I agree, well put.

Anonymous said...

Yes 9:18, anger management. Listen to you! Nobody was sticking up for the prick. Not once here did anybody stick up for the abuser. All they said was it was gross and you fly off the handle. ANGER MANAGEMENT! Sheesh, maybe you ought to listen to your own advice.

Anonymous said...

2116, why didn't you have him put away for beating you? You never called the cops on him? Just asking, curiously, don't anybody jump down my throat!

Anonymous said...

Yes, 9:18, I think "Go fuck yourself", is a little extreme just because someone said something was gross. You have anger dear.

Anonymous said...

you know what 2116, I understand. My father was an alcoholic/drug abuser. Once, in a drunken stupor, he opened the fridge that held our family's pathetic excuse for food [government cheese my friend] and pissed on the whole lot of it. He did many other horrible things that I will not get into here, but i think that my wiping myself with his t-shirts would be the least of his worries if I ever saw that son-of-a-bitch again.

Anonymous said...

I was physically abused by my first husband but never did anything like this. If he found out or even suspected, it would have only fueled him to beat me more.

My low self-esteem and lack of support from my family allowed me to stay with this abusive man for two years. I finally grew a backbone and left him.

I have never regretted what I had to go through. It completely changed me and made me a better person. I take from this experience the ability to stand up for myself, take no shit from anyone and never give up... among other things.

I'm glad you survived and I hope that you can look back on this rough time in your life and see that it too made you a better person as it did to me.

Anonymous said...

2116 I applaude you!! Chin up girl, sounds like your life is turning around. :)

Anonymous said...

I am #2119..thanks 7:52. Like you I think mine is slowly realizing what we had was special and what she is really all about.

He asked about coming to hang out and watch a ball game with me, I said ok and now he said he can't because she is paranoid because we'll be "alone" so now he wants to bring her with him. UGH

Grammar Ghost said...

Is no one else disturbed that 2116 is peeing out of her vagina? Does she have a fistula? That would require medical attention.
Urine comes out of the urethra. The external female genitalia is the vulva.

Anonymous said...

LOL at grammar ghost. 2116, it IS gross, but the motherfucker deserved it.

2120, text speak is so annoying I couldn't even read your post. Sorry, but not really.

Anonymous said...

12:42

thats funny, but I wasn't aware we were in a health class here, and I am pretty sure you would be hard pressed to find any woman who grabs a piece of toilet paper, or t shirt, and locates her urethra when she wipes herself after urinating.

Anonymous said...

Am I in the minority in feeling patronized by the recent rash of comments by "D"? Why the eff can't there be at least ONE place on the web where some pompous twit who knows shyte-all about marriage or relationships doesn't come and lecture us womens on how we should be? And no, I am not the writer of any of these confessions. I just get very, very tired of insufferable young men who think they know it all. Because, you know, we of the "inferior" gender just need a good talking to. Ok, rant over.

Anonymous said...

7:35, you are preaching to the choir here. I can't believe more of us haven't spoken up about "d". All it takes is going back a few entries and reading this guys comments to see how clueless and yet know-it-all his "advice" is. It's so pedestrian and without thought or originality... just useless. And, I believe down right harmful is some cases. And lately he's like one of the early commentors.... like he's fucking stalking the site. I picture this guy as looking like Jackie Earle Haley in "Little Children".
Totally gives off the creepy vibe.

Anonymous said...

#2070 here again, I'm not sure who commented to me before that we must be married to the same guy *lol* but I just read that comment =) I am not married to him, he is divorced with 2 kids and I am the new girlfriend. I care about him, but the more I get to know him, the more I can understand how frustrated his ex wife must have been towards the end. By the way, we are still together and once I sat down to talk to him about these concerns, he was more than willing to work on it with me.

Anonymous said...

When did we all get to be so perfect that we can criticise others so easily? If wiping a little pee on hubby's shirt gave 2116 a much needed feeling of empowerment, who am I to call her out for it? As the wife of a total player and sometimes abuser, with a past I was too blind to see, I completely get where 2116 is coming from. As for those knocking her, walk a mile in her shoes first.

Anonymous said...

2116- i use to "forget" to buy cokes and skoal for my abusive asshole ex. and he's always say... " you are so fuckin forgetful.. ". (and i'd grin on the inside as he headded back to the store for himself) And last yr.. my 21 yr old... asked me.. "mom.. when you use to forget Dad's skoal... was that on purpose?" I was honest.. and said.. "yes.. guess it was one of the few things i COULD control"... my son laughed and said " i knew it". nooooooooooow.. this left me knowing i was wrong.. but, the kid knew how his father treated me.. and he understood it.

Anonymous said...

this is 207am..
got to say... those who've never been demeaned.. don't get it. not that i'd have done the same thing.. but ... it was a small amount of power she had... to send him off with that shirt. silly... gross... but empowering.

kd said...

2115:

I'm sorry the responses you've received lean more to the "you must be on drugs" than supportive. I know someone in your situation. I might know you. You aren't trying to be Hemingway. You are smart and articulate.

You need to get on with your life. You can't give up. You can't live this way, giving your kids this blueprint on how to form their own marriage. I know of divorces that improved the quality of the kids lives. Both ex-spouses happy and the kids content because they are both happy.

Don't give up.