Saturday, October 20, 2007

True Wife Confessions 216 web safe color palatte

Confession #2151

Would it be okay if I went to see Van Halen by myself this year? Yes, I know, it falls on our anniversary, but really, seeing Van Halen would be a much more memorable time and oh so much more fun! Really, what is it you and I have to celebrate anymore?

Confession #2152

I was so excited you didn’t have to work on Saturday. It broke my heart when you woke up and said the only thing you really wanted to do was hit golf balls…something that does not include me or either of your children.


Confession #2153

To my Beloved Husband with the Exploding Bowels:

My darling, I love you exceedingly but once again this morning, I had to clean up your "splatter poop." I know that you try to keep up on the house cleaning (even without me asking you to) but I would appreciate it if you would check under the toilet seat more often and do the deed.

If I had to choose between having you or a clean toilet, I'd still take you and your explosions.


Confession #2154

I've loved you for ten years & you can't imagine what "my way" might look like? I'm supposed to believe you've gone stupid all of a sudden? Please.

After all this time I still turn you on, you trust me, you respect my mind - and you're unhappy. I don't think I've been imagining the connection. I can't understand why you won't surrender and dish out some love, but I'm finally ready to give up on you. That's hard enough; I wish you wouldn't have demeaned yourself by playing dumb.

Confession #2155

I like to sleep with married men. I know we are going to have a
threesome with some men soon, i am super excited about it. We have both
been fantasizing about it for a long time now. I want to find married
men to sleep with, it makes it so much more exciting. I have slept with
married men before, one night stands before I met you of course. We've
never cheated on each other and we never would, but I am not sure if you
want to sleep with exclusively married men or not. I hope so, because I
do and I know that we are the most sexually compatible people on the
planet. I hope that means when I bring this up to you, you will agree.

Confession #2156

It’s been 7 months since you told me you wanted a divorce. It’s been 3 months since it’s been final. I’ve spent every waking moment mourning for us, missing you, regretting everything, hoping we’d still get back together.

So I just want to thank you for our argument 2 weeks ago when you accused me of “cheating” on you, that you used that word. The word that you and I both know isn’t true. You use it when it’s convenient for you to be the victim.

So thank you, because now all I have to do is hear your words in my head and I don’t miss you at all.

Confession #2157

If, God forbid, something ever happened to you, the first thing I would do is clean up and throw away most of your clutter. It is taking over the house and your crap is everywhere. The second thing I would do is call a professional in to fix all of the stuff you kept saying you are going to fix, but never do. Everytime I mention calling someone to come fix it you get pissy with me. Look around, there are certain things in our house that are literally falling apart or are just plain gross because you won't do what you say you are going to do. I'm sick of it and it is making me resent you.

Confession #2158

Wow. I've never done this before but maybe I have found an outlet to let off some of this steam building up inside of me.After being divorced for almost 5 years, I am so sick of being alone. It is hard to raise my son alone. I long for companionship - just someone to sleep with at night and to just go places with. Do nice guys even exist anymore? Seems the guys my age just want sex and there has to be more to life than that. I'm actually disgusted by sex now because that is all a man ever wants from me. Recently he pretended to really like me..this went on for 3 weeks when I finally went out with him. He was the perfect guy - total package. Unfortunately I let my guard down and he convinced me I was the one so I slept with him. He continued on with his game for a week after leading me to still believe i was the one. Apparently I wasn't since he fell off the face of the earth with no phone call, text or any explanation. Thanks for making me feel so used. You are a selfish, egotistical pig. I will never help you get those tickets you always like. You've used me long enough. I will also eventually tell my boss what a pig you really are even though we both promised not to tell him as it could jeopardize your job/relationship with him. You see, he cares about me more - I'm like his daughter ..I should of listened to him when he told me not to go out with you. He never would tell me why. I know now. I want you to know that because of you I am back to feeling worthless, even thoughts of suicide and I haven't had those thoughts in years. I would never do this because of my child or ever let you know this. I would never want to give you the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I am by you. You make me sick and I hope that someone hurts you as bad as you've hurt me. OH and I also know you lied about your age. Sadly, you lied to me twice. Once at the church (of all places) and then I guess you forgot you told me that and lied again when I asked you on our date. I know for a fact how old you really are and you must have issues about your age which I think is really funny. Next time I will try not to be so naive - Another lesson learned - I could write a book on men at this point. They are all pigs.

Confession #2159

When I was a child, my mother used to wake me up in the middle of the night to re-do chores that hadn't been completed to her satisfaction during the day. When I was sick I had to clean up my own vomit. In the summer, when she was at work and I was home alone on school vacation, she'd lock her bedroom door with a key so I couldn't get into the one room in the house that had air conditioning. When she was especially angry she'd beat me with a wooden paddle and tell me I'd never amount to anything.

Now that I'm a married adult expecting my second child, she's begun taking anti-depressants. And now she kisses me when she sees me and tells me how proud she is of my accomplishments. She wants me to share things with her and let her watch my daughter. I know the "right" thing to do would be to welcome this new rational woman into my life. But I can't seem to make myself. I've learned to live quite comfortably without her affection, and I no longer have a real desire to live any other way.

Confession #2160

We've been having problems in the bedroom for a while now. You told me you didn't want to get me pregnant again (gee, thanks), and that when you had a vasectomy, it would get better.

Here we are 6 months later and it is NOT better. You tell me I should try to initiate. So last night as we lay on the couch together, I try to initiate. And, as I keep telling you, you push me away.

This morning when I "play around", you tell me, "Not now, ________ is in the room."

"what about last night when I tried and _______ wasn't in the room."

"Airplanes were on t.v."

Wow, you fucking asshole. So airplanes were more exciting than me. That's a new low. On our anniversary no less.

I don't think you realize you broke my heart a little more this morning.

26 comments:

Beth said...

2160

Its not you its him, you keep telling yourself that, doesnt make it any less painful, but it isnt you.

sarah said...

2158

Not all of them are pigs, I'm sorry you had to deal with that but there are good men out there.

My husband always says he ashamed to be a man, simply because he has to share the title with all the assholes out there. Keep your head up.

oneman said...

2:10 - I'm with your husband. There are some real assholes out there making it difficult for the ones that are not.

2158 - I hope you find what you are looking for one day.

2157 - I also used to be a hoarder of useless items. Then a while back my wife rented some storage and slowly started to move some of my stuff in there. I did eventually pick up on it but realised that she was right, I was keeping a lot of crap that I will never have a need for.

2159 - I'm sorry for the abuse you suffered growing up. I'm not in your shoes but maybe she was medically depressed while you grew up and maybe she has got it under control. Do you not owe it your your children to at least know their grandparent.

Tanya said...

2153: I am the one with the exploding bowels (THANK YOU IBS!!) and my husband is the one who sometimes has to take care of it. :)

florida said...

2159:
I have never commented here before but had to this time.
My 2 cents are: BE WARY. Don't leave your kids alone with your mom. Maybe she needed medicine at that time and maybe she is all well now. But if even a percent of what happened to you happens to your kids, you will never be able to forgive yourself.
You are a strong woman, but there is no guarantee that your kids will turn out to be as strong if anything like this happened to them and put it behind them.
You can involve her in their life but NEVER leave them alone with her for even one second.
i hope all goes well for you.

Mirror said...

2159:

I thought I was seeing my own words there, though I've never written to this site. Trust your instincts.

To the person who said "you owe it to your children" - no, she doesn't. She owes her children protection. It would only take one incident of backsliding to cause a lifetime of regret.
Reconciliation with abusive parents is a daytime TV fantasy. "You beat me like dogs for fifteen years but I never got to tell you I loved you before you died now I can never be whole waaaaaah!" One of my abusive parents died a few years ago, I hadn't spoken to them in 20 years, all I felt was relief.

2159 has made a new family for herself, and taking care of them comes first. If her instincts tell her not to trust her mother, even if she's currently on good behaviour, that is 100% her call. I've heard too many stories about reformed grandparents lapsing and only being discovered years later... don't take that chance.

Hestia said...

#2159: You don't owe it to your children to give them a relationship with their grandmother. You owe it to them to be better mom than your mother was. There's often a point of no return with toxic relatives. Even if they become model people, there's just too much animosity and resentment to ever go back.

sarah said...

hestia, I completely agree.

OVGAL said...

It's nice to see everyone getting along....

FENICLE said...

OMG these are great!! Thank you for the laughs!

Kira Lee Flea said...

I find it amussing that now we have to show who we are and not 1 negative or belittling comment has been made! Good Work Dawn!!!

p.s. every single one of you women who have posted on here has inspired me! You are all very strong!!

ayana said...

I am one of the confessors in this bunch. I'm not really comfortable revealing which one now that we have to leave names. But I wanted to thank the commenters for being so amazingly supportive. One of you brought me to tears. Thanks for listening and for understanding.

D said...

good move cleaning up the comments dawn. my only issue is that the confessors themselves, just like the one above, will be less likely to engage in comments. but i guess that's the price of civility.

now...let's go....

2158....not all men are dogs, pigs, assholes, etc. you are expending entirely too much energy dissecting what's wrong with men instead of figuring out the reason it's so easy for them to repeatedly get over on you.

2159, if you are able to forgive, you should. but don't beat yourself up it you can't. unconditional love is one thing, but your mother has to respect that you have to work through those issues in your own time. i wish you well.

2160, i can't help but laugh when women have a hard time getting sex. i want to just yell..."HOW DOES IT FEEL?"....but seriously, sex is just a symptom. something else is probably wrong. this man could easily Tivo Airplane or anything else. in my relationship, i credit Tivo with single-handedly increasing the amount of time my woman and i spend outdoors and under the covers. despite what years of feminism has taught people, frequent sex is an OBLIGATION in a relationship. you and your husband owe each other that. assuming there is nothing mentally or physically wrong with him, your man is slacking big time. i don't condone cheating, but i know many sex-less people who say it's perfectly fine if your partner just refuses for an extended period of time. i wonder what the opinion is on this site.

coladiola said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
coladiola said...

d 2:56, "frequent" is in the eyes of the beholder. My opinion? Considering sex an obligation he could demand from me is a huge part of what earned my exhusband his divorce. I would far rather he had got it somewhere else than have pressured me the way he did, and the un-pleasure I got from those experiences took this formerly sexy woman right off the market into all-men-are-pigs-land.

D said...

coladiola, i hear you. but do ypu believe the confessor's husband is right to withhold sex for six months or longer? many people don't like the word but there is an expected obligation. married people have all kinds of obligations with each other...why is it bad for sex to be one of them? of course "frequent" varies, but if sex becomes a knock-down battle and it wasn't in the beginning then something else is wrong.

"I would far rather he had got it somewhere else than have pressured me the way he did."

did you ever tell him this?

coladiola said...

d, I think we're on the same page. When you qualify with "something else is wrong" I can accept sex as an expectation in marriage. It's just not a bottom-line, no matter what, rights-over-the-other's body kind of obligation.

Yes, I told him this.

D said...

coladiola, i agree. no one can just demand to be serviced whenever they feel like it. that said, i still don't see sex as just another expectation. like people say, if you want to know just how important sex is ask the person who isn't getting any.

curious....did your ex take you up on your offer?

oneman said...

In any type of relationship, sex should never to be an obligation. It is something that you can do for your partner IF you feel like it. I have had pity sex, its no good. I can tell when my wife is not in to it and it completely kills the experience for me.

I think if you have ask anybody in a long term relationship there are always going to be ups and downs. I have spoken to various friends and there have been times in most relationships were they have gone without sex for months at a time (just various issues). As you say during these times, no sex is just a symptom of other underlying problems.

coladiola said...

He felt that pitching tantrums was a better route than trying to make himself appealing to the woman who married him. How much more work would it have been to attract someone new?

coladiola said...

Oneman, thank you. My point exactly, if one partner isn't into it, the experience should be a bust for the serviced one. Apparently I'm too idealistic...

oneman said...

Coladiola,

You are not idealistic, you have standards and you should stick to them and I hope your partner accepts who you are with them.

D said...

I can only speak from my perspective. I know all relationships are different. If not having sex, having very little, or "rationing" it out to your partner works for your relationship, cool. More power to you.

But idealism would be thinking that nothing bad will happen from holding out on your husband or wife for weeks or months at a time.

The question I ask people is even though they're supposedly not in the mood to have sex are they masturbating (sorry for being a bit graphic). If the answer is yes, then they're either 1) being selfish, 2) punishing their partner with sex or 3) attempting to use sex to change their partner's behavior...all of which, IMO, are wrong. On that HBO show, "Tell Me You Love Me," there's a husband on there who hasn't had sex with his wife in a year but masturbates almost daily. There is something seriously wrong with that.

To the original confessor, 2160, whose husband has been denying her for six months and who pushed her away to watch Airplane on their anniversary, I hope you manage to get more than crumbs of affection from your husband whenever he feels like giving them. Don't be like so many people and just settle for a sex-less marriage. Stick to your standards.

oneman said...

d,

I don't disagree about the comments about sex not being used as weapon or people masturbating while holding out on their partner. These people need to talk to the partner as I guess there is likely to be deeper issues.

I still don't agree about your previous comment that sex is an obligation that people should expect in the relationship.

Jaelithe said...

2158: I have the utmost respect for single mothers and all the work they do. I hope you find a partner one day who feels the same way.

2159: I think you should trust your instincts about your mother. She crossed some lines that should not have been crossed. Depression alone doesn't cause people to be that abusive. It's great that she's doing better now on medication, but that doesn't mean she has completely changed. Don't let other people make you feel guilty for not welcoming her back with open arms. You are just trying to protect yourself and your child from getting sucked into a toxic relationship. I think the fact that your mother is involved in your life at all at this point speaks volumes for your character and your ability to forgive.

L said...

Re/2155: So far it appears no one's addressed this confessor (I've checked daily) so I'd like my 2 cents worth;

2155: You are the kind of woman I truly fear. You apparently have no respect for marriage, not yours or anyone elses, so you have no problem defiling it by seeking out married men for affairs. The fact that your husband is open to this makes it no less heinous, and calls to question HIS self-respect and respect for marriage itself. SHAME ON YOU BOTH!! Grow up, get some therapy and stop looking to ruin other peoples marriages.

To those who'll say: "you can't make a man cheat if he doesn't want to" ... you're absolutely correct. But put enough candy in any childs hands and sooner or later they'll take a taste.

Whatever happened to morals,self-respect, self-love and decency? Whatever happened to the golden rule most of us learned as kids?

Please stop for a moment and think about the impact your actions have or could have on someone else. Then try a little restraint!