Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pulling the Car over

Much like a patient parent, I sit and watch - hoping that you can work it out on your own.

However, I also know that it is my job to guide. I created this. I must guide it.

Anonymity is a beautiful thing. It has a time and a place. It has given many people a space to say things that they can't in other places.

It has also allowed some to be cruel and thoughtless. Petulant. Pedantic.

Today as I read all that comes into my inbox ( and I do read everything, I assure you), I realized that I would not allow this to occur in my classroom. As a teacher, I would protect the vulnerable. I would set the standard.

And I say no more.

Own your comments. If you want to be brutish and offensive, then I refuse to allow you to hide behind my skirt any longer.

Confessions remain anonymous - comments will require a username. If that won't work, I will disable comments. But I will not allow the confessors to be beaten senseless by the un-named.

Not in my house. Not in my classroom. Not in this space.

25 comments:

wonderalice said...

Thank you Dawn, even though I know I have made some very long comments this time around, and I will limit that in the future, I can't help but notice that through this whole unnecessary issue I have been the only one commenting and not hiding behind your skirt.

Lets all take a cue and stop acting like junior high girls.

Dawn said...

Wonderalice - it is not length of comments that worried me - nor the Discussion of events/issues.

It is when it moves from discussion to slinging shit that I get perturbed.

And just as I said...I wouldn't allow it in a Kindergarten class - or my University level classes...so I surely will stop it here.

XO

me myself and i said...

It seems to me that this place was started with the very real intention of creating a space for women that was safe. I think this was also a place where women were able to come and see that they were not alone in their struggles, because we ALL know what it feels like to be unhappy in a relationship for one reason or another, but we always feel that we are alone in the fight, but that is not the case. We had Dawn to thank for that, this place is as popular as it is for a reason. Then we took her creation and proceeded to turn it into a den of women who mostly do nothing but attack and ridicule people for having different lifestyles or for having made different choices. How sad.

This just can't be a place where women fear confessing. So many times I have read on here how confessing whatever transgression lifted a load off of someones shoulders. Thats a great feeling, try remembering what it feels like so you can have a little more understanding about what this place means to people. This was and can be a place where women gather to share their stories and offer advice to each other. Still accepting of course that if you confess then you are open to disagreement and criticism, but you should expect that to come in a respectful manner instead of being called names or derogatory terms.

Aren't we all adults in here, don't we have the capability to control ourselves just a little? I think it is evident that some people come in here to rile others up and maybe the taking away of our anonymity is what we need to get back to that community of women that we started out as. I just find it sad and disheartening to know that a group of adult women have to be chastised because of the behavior we have displayed. I am also upset because we may lose many women who had something to contribute here because our anonymity has been taken.

Dawn, I am sorry that we have abused this site as a personal insult throwing playground. Lets get back to your original vision for this site and make it great once again.

Kristen said...

Thank you Dawn! I rarely comment, but when I did they were positive or encouraging, never cruel. I love this site, what it is, but was always upset by those that felt they could pass on judgement. thank you for making this a safe place again.

Kira Lee Flea said...

Thank You!!

TOY DIAMOND RING STUCK ON HER FINGER said...

I think this website is wonderful. I read it to know that I am not alone in what I am feeling. But it is hard to read or comment while having the fear of being attacked by someone else. Thank you for being the 'mother hen' and protecting us.

Tanya said...

Well done!!!

omnia_vincit_amor said...

Amen to that. I always leave my name with my comments, and I try to make them positive because I know these people are going through a lot to have these things to post about.

Love your site, Dawn!

IT Barman said...

I like the change Dawn.

Keep up the great work

DMM said...

Wonderful, Dawn. I'm just a luker but I can't agree with more!!

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

bravo

Lori said...

Amen and about time. I've read with sadness and pity the attacks against those of us who simply want and need a venue to vent, to open our spirits and shed the pain. I'm so thankful for this site, and for you Dawn. Your grace and wisdom have saved many of us from losing our minds.

Lola

Urban Ennui said...

i'm sorry, but I have to disagree. When people act in ways that hurt others, and then post it on a public website, they are opening themselves up for accountability. If individuals don't want to be called on their abhorrent behavior, then maybe they should just record their deeds in a private journal and talk to a therapist. So typical of today'd world - no one wants to be held accountable for anything they do.

sarah said...

It's not that they don't want to be held accountable, it is because some of those doing the whole judge and jury act on here can't seem to do it without calling names and being basically immature, that's the issue.

wonderalice said...

Also, from what I can see the people getting slammed and verbally abused are the ones posting things about how they raise their families and what not, most of the time the posts where people are genuinely hurting themselves or others are met with responses that are caring and helpful.

oneman said...

Wonderalice,

I've been reading the site and basically if you post anything about cheating on your partner then you are going to get slated. From the other posts, mostly about relationship issues there is a large number of "Me Too" to let them know that they are not alone. The real worrying posts about people being in abusive (mental, physical, emotional) relationships, I think universal message has also been to get out. I don't see many comments relating to parenting skills unless advise is asked for (except the tread about peeing in front of the kids).

It will also be interesting to see how many people attacking D now that there is no anonymity to hide behind.

Dana - W for Whatever said...

It's nice to meet everyone.

Sometimes I look down the comments and I'm the only one who logged in!!!!

Hi everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

This is great

Big Cute Beach Girl said...

I'm not sure that just having a userid will work. Only because all they have to do is set it up and then they never have to say anything about themselves or even start a blog to get a id.
They are anonymous because usually they don't want you to know who they are.
And I agree some of the comments are a little too harsh, even the ones about people cheating. Never say never, until you're in someone elses shoes.
I think you should turn off comments all together, JoeApology has it turned off to avoid people bashing....good luck and I love your site.

Urban Ennui said...

I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no empathy for people who post confessions and then cry when they get less-than-validating comments about their selfish actions.

Dawn, who says that those who sling shit aren't actually good for the blog? Some of us enjoy the back-and-forth battles. And some of us like to see the most grotesque posters get owned.

ayana said...

Dawn, great decision, great timing.

Beth said...

Well I wanted to say I have left several supportive comments anonymously. I will not be leaving comments anymore because I don't want the whole world to know that I can sympathize or relate with a certain persons confession. I liked the anonynimity because I could be supportive and say hey, I GET YOU I UNDERSTAND your plight but no one would know it was me, no one in my real life could somehow find this out about me.
I totally understand that there are some very disrespectful anon comments, but couldn't you just post an option that all comments must be cleared through you first before they are posted. That way the good anon comments can go through and the ones that are inappropriate will not. I think the anon support some posters get is amazing and I would hate not to be able to leave supportive comments because of fear of someone knowing my name.

StrangeProblem said...

Bravo! I don't think I've ever posted a really negative comment, but if I'm willing to say it I should put my name to it, huh? You got it, fair enough.

Wagon Mom said...

Is it sad for me to say that I didn't even know I could leave comments? lol.

cluelesscarolinagirl said...

Thanks. Good job.

Kate R said...

You go, Dawn. I bet you're a good mom and teacher, too.