Don't tell me you got asked today by two hot girls to join them in a
threesome. I already don't trust you.
I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. You adore me, you adore our children, you are successful and provide me with a fantastic life. I feel like I should have nothing to complain about. I feel terrible even typing it but...you have gotten so fat. It was cute when you gained weight right along with me each time I was pregnant...but it's not so cute when I got back into shape so quickly and made an effort to stay fit and you just totally let yourself go. You have tried to diet but you set yourself up for failure with your 'fad' diets. They should be called 'fat' diets because you gain more and more weight after trying a new diet for a week. It disgusts me to watch you stuff your face every night after we eat dinner. You ask me to help by cooking something healthy but I can't help you if you eat 3 boxes of mac and cheese after I go to sleep.
I do not have a low sex drive. In fact, the closer I get to 30, the more I think about sex and the more intense my orgasms get. I just can't stand to have your sweaty rolls touching me. I can't stand to hear you wheeze. I'm not ever going to cheat on you but I feel cheated with the thought of having to have sex with an obese person the rest of my life.
I know the sexy athletic man I married is in there somewhere...please find him for me!
For all our years together I’ve been convinced that you have the willpower of a superman. You seem to have no problem at all leaving luscious treats untouched in the cupboard or refrigerator. Garlic-stuffed olives, cappucino chocolates, raspberry sorbet... after your initial excitement at buying and tasting these things, you left them completely alone. I believed you were hoarding them for some future occasion. I would take a taste here and there, guiltily, not wanting to steal your treats, but sometimes temptation would just overcome me... eventually I’d notice I had eaten most of them and I would leave the last few treats strictly, religiously alone so that when you came for them, they would still be there for you.
Finally, just recently, I realized that you have no willpower to speak of—you simply have a crap memory. Out of sight, out of mind. You don’t remember that you even HAVE that awesome toffee your friend brought you from England. If I hadn’t mentioned it and brought it out for you today, you would have blissfully forgotten its existence. Forever.
I asked you if you even have any concept of the food inventory in this house. You looked at me blankly. A number of things fell into place. This is why you always buy an extra loaf of bread when you do the grocery shopping! You don’t have grand sandwich plans... you just have no idea there is already a loaf at home.
From now on I’m eating your treats whenever I feel like it, honey. If you ever notice, I’ll buy you some new ones. I promise.
I confess I let you have more control then anyone should--
I confess you make me feel like less then I am.
I confess I had a revelation today and now I will be moving on... not out, I will stay in our home and continue to wait for you to wake up and see what you are doing, to me and to yourself.
is this really how you think marriage works, my husband?
you go to work and I do everything else? I take the kids to school everyday, do all chores inside and outside the house, maintenance on the cars, pay the bills (thanks for running up 5K in credit card debt when you lost your job last fall, then deciding not to cash out your old 401k like you promised to do). You nagged me about getting the taxes done. You bitch about how long it's taking me to finish up the family room, but would never consider lifting a finger to help me.
If you don't want to do something, you just don't do it.
I am so sick of being your maid, mommy and roommate.
You behave like a spoiled teenager, sulking, giving me the silent treatment when I don't agree with you. You are such a narcissist-everyone is wrong and ignorant if they don't see things your way, right?
When you get home from work (a job that you talked about returning to for 3 years b/c you "really enjoyed it") you bitch and carry on about how stupid your clients are and what an awful day you had. Then you plug in the laptop, kick off your shoes, crack open the vodka and get wasted until dinner.
I know you have health problems, but you aren't doing anything to help them... drinking, as much as you do, does raise blood pressure-look it up. Anti-depressants don't work as well when you drink, your kidney hurts b/c it's full of vodka. You don't know more then your doctor, or me-get a clue.
I miss you so much, the you from years ago. I don't know who the hell you are now, but I'm waiting for my husband to come back.
These are the things I want from you:
Tell me I'm pretty/sexy/nice/fun to be with, anything. Acknowledge that I make your life better in any way.
Compliment me on dinner/my hair/my eyes/my butt/the kids/the house/ANYTHING.
I would like for you to want to do things with the kids and I. Why don't you even think that if I'm planning on taking our youngest somewhere fun for her b-day that you might want to come? Yes, you came after she asked you to, but why can't you figure out that if would be nice if YOU took the initiative and decided to come because it would mean so much to her?
Why can't you do something nice to show you care, just for the heck of it?
Why do you think that just because YOU like to be alone and not have a big deal made out of your special days, that it's ok to do that for MY special days?
Why can't you realize that the nights I'm not home that it is not cool for the kids to be on one floor watching TV and you're on another floor watching TV. They are your CHILDREN and they need you. Being in the same house as them is NOT doing something with them.
I'd like for you to suggest that I go out and do something nice for myself, go to dinner with a friend, take a girls trip, etc. You would NEVER EVER suggest that I take a break (not even for a damn hour) as you don't want to have to take care of your kids. You know how overwhelmed I get and you can't even be kind enough, loving enough to suggest that I take a break for myself.
I wish that you would realize that yes, you do work hard but that doesn't give you a magic ticket to sit on your butt after dinner every night and do NOTHING with me or the kids. They need you, I need you but you'd rather watch tv.
I wish that you wanted to do things with us. We went on a walk tonight and I didn't even bother asking you, as you'd rather watch tv. We had a fun walk and will have many fun walks in the future, with you at home watching tv all by yourself.
I want you to make a big deal out of the things that I do or have happen to me that are a big deal. Would it have killed you to have acted excited when I told you how I did on my final?
Yesterday it was a beautiful day. 75 degrees: sunny, warm. It was so nice to be outside, working in the yard after such a harsh winter. I couldn't bring myself to go back inside. If the sun hadn't gone down, I would have kept working. So much needed to be done.
After a few hours of picking up sticks and cleaning out flower beds, I got on the ladder and started cleaning out the gutters. It's a yucky job, but one thing I like about yard work is that once it's done, it looks nice for awhile. It's so unlike housework....when we do dishes, the sink fills back up in just a few hours. We can do housework all weekend, and when I'm done on Sunday evening, there doesn't seem to be much to show for it. Having three kids to help mess it back up could be part of the problem.
Anyway, so there I was on the ladder, cleaning the gutters. I glanced in the kitchen window. There you were, listening to your sports talk radio, cooking supper and doing dishes. I smiled.
Even though we don't do things the traditional husband/wife way, it works. We both work hard at our Monday through Friday jobs. We share the work that is involved with being homeowners, pet owners and parents. We both contribute. You changed nearly as many diapers when our kids were babies as I did. You don't think of any chore as a "woman's job." You don't feel any less manly about me checking the oil in the car or painting the fence. You don't think of me as any less feminine, either.
That's why I smiled at you through the window while I was on the ladder, looking in to the kitchen. Well, that and the fact that you still have the same sexy, muscular biceps that attracted me to you over 17 years ago. You still wrap them around me and make me feel safe just like you always have.
I have had morning sickness every day since I found out I was pregnant. You
KNOW this. I am moody and irritable and I wake up 20 times a night to pee.
Please excuse me if I have not been "in the mood" lately. Just so you know,
doing the dishes and some laundry would probably be the most effective
foreplay I can think of right now. Just a suggestion.
I want you to spend time with your children. You've told me that the things they like to do aren't fun. Welcome to the world of being a parent. You should want to spend time with the kids to spend time with the kids and if it's boring/not fun, whatever, get over it. They're your kids and they need you and all they want to do is spend time with you. They don't need you to take them to the circus or do something big and splashy, they want to spend time with you, talking, playing games, anything.
I wish that you would realize that you are working way too much and the impact on our family will be there forever. No one says that you have to work 12+ hr days, go in on the weekends, go in on your days off. NO ONE. You could work another full-time job if you cut down on the hours you work. You're on salary, so you aren't making any extra money by working so much.
I wish you would stop thinking that if you didn't get into bed at such an early hour every night that the world would end. It's sad that the kids put themselves to bed the nights I work because you won't stay up the extra hour it would require. They end up sleeping wherever they fall, don't brush their teeth and basically can do whatever they want once you're in bed. They are good kids and won't get into trouble, but it's a shame that you do this. It's also a shame that we never go see a movie after our 1 nice meal out a year because you have to get to bed. Or that you wanted us to go straight home after dinner out when I wanted to go to the Mall so the kids could ride the carousel. Your excuse was that the mall traffic would be bad but I KNEW it was because it was getting close to your bedtime and god forbid anything stop you from your bedtime.
I know I don't do a great job of showing you how much I love you. I want you to know that I do. Two weeks ago when my van broke down and you left work to come and rescue me and the girls. You were super busy at work, getting ready to leave for the weekend yet you took time out to get it fixed without getting mad. Our daughters kept saying Daddy to the rescue. I am so glad that they have those feelings for you. I always wanted them to have the Daddy I never did. Spending Saturday night with you, even if you kept telling me to hang out with the girls, was awesome. Sure I should have taken the time to make some new friends but I would have rather hung out with you, even if you were doing dumb boy things :) It has been a long time since it was just us and I realized how much I miss that with our busy lives. I know that we have not had the best of relationship over the years but I am so glad I stuck it out. Thank you for being my prince charming, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate. I love you so much and can't wait to grow old with you.
I wish that you were thoughtful and wanted to do things for us, just because. I wish that you could show you love me with gestures, kind words, small thoughtful things like a flower or balloon, that you would put us first even every once in a while. I wish that your family was more important to you but we aren't. I wish that I could say that my husband was my soulmate, my best friend, my true love but I can't. I can't even truthfully say that my husband thinks I'm smart/cute/sexy/funny/nice/pretty/anything because the way you act, I'm not any of the above. I wish that my husband would want to spend time with me and the kids and have fun and not act like he was suffering while doing it. I wish that my husband would consider the needs of us first once in a while, but it won't happen. We are always last, after work, tenants, real estate stuff, always last and always will be.
I wish that things were different but they aren't and they never will and that's sad. I've said all of this to you so many times and you aren't willing to change. I don't ask much of you and it's sad that the things that I've told you aren't important enough for you to try to change. I'm not high maintainance at all and that's probably part of the problem, that I've asked so little of you for so long that you just assume that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want and the hell with what anyone else wants. I now am realizing that I deserve more and have talked to you but it either isn't sinking in or you're just too selfish to want to make any changes to what you're doing. I don't think it's asking too much for a husband to act like he likes his wife, thinks she's sexy/pretty, enjoys her company, lets her know that he loves her, etc.