When i lived in California in 1964 we lived in a trailer next door to a big nice looking Ottawa Indian and his brother.He would make remarks about how good my body looked after having 3 kids as I was only19 and needed a compliment. One day while hubby was working I had the kids sleeping and went next door where Pete was and one thing led to another and before I knew it He had my panties off and was inside me with the biggest penis I ever saw. I begged him not to cum in me but he did and to make a long story short I delivered his daughter 9 months later and she. not looking like the others made my life a living hell but hubby raised her like his own and now she's asking who her real father is and I don't know where to find him. What should I now do as she knows her dad isn't her real dad.Now hubby want's to see me with another man and watch us have sex. Should I do it after him raising her like he did.I have to admit that it sounds like fun He can now longer get it up and says it would greatly satisfy him to see another man have intercourse with me and see his sperm run out of me. If you know someone in our area, let me know.
The first four years of marriage were great, and then the fifth year sucked.
And I find myself wondering if the first four years were just an extended honeymoon, and this is the reality of our marriage, or if this past year was an anomaly, and it will all be okay again soon.
I wonder if our marriage can survive the distance that has grown between us this year. I wonder if I really want it to - I'm kindof enjoying the freedom.
I wonder if our marriage can recover from the fact that I kissed another man. Or that I feel like I can't ever tell you about it. Or that, although he and I have talked about it, and decided never to let it happen again, it's almost all I think about lately. I wonder if I finally screwed things up for good. A part of me hopes that I did.
A little over four years ago, I told you that I didn't believe in soul mates. You responded with "get back to me on that in five years." Although absolutely nothing has gone the way we expected, I still wonder if you were right. No matter how much I've tried to forget you, you've always been on my mind. No matter how many times I've tried to convince myself that you don't love me, that you're no good for me.... I still long for you, and its not just lust. Do you even see it? Is my own pride fucking this up? Is yours? You think you're not worth it, but I do. I want to make you happy. Just being in your presence after all that time, all those broken plans, all those words... it was nice. Relieving. Peaceful. It was almost perfect the way it happened. Fate is funny. I wish I would've kissed you (at the very least), but I certainly don't want to make life any harder for you right now. I'm proud of us this time. You aren't the only one I love, but you're the only one who makes me feel this way. Maybe I'll get the courage to get back to you in another year. Or maybe I'm just an idiot. Only time will tell.
I apologize, this is a long confession, but there are lots of things to get
I love you, I really do. You do so many wonderful things for me and you can
be so thoughtful and sweet. I love how well you get along with my family,
and how good you are with my nephew. You and I have so much fun together;
sometimes you make me laugh harder than anybody. I love that you think I'm
beautiful and sexy and how affectionate you are. I love that you help
strangers and are so kind to children and the elderly.
But I don't understand why things have to be so difficult. I understand
that your ex-wife did a number on you, and that you have a hard time
trusting. And after feeling like I was living with my parole officer for
the first year of our relationship, you are getting better about that. You
no longer treat me as guilty until proven innocent. But you still have
issues with what I can only guess is insecurity. I've done everything I can
think of to prove to you that you can trust me, and yet you still don't.
You complain that I don't give you access to my email and bank account, even
though you've given me the passwords to yours. Well you know what? I
didn't WANT that access, and I don't want you to have access to mine. Never
once have I logged on to your email account and read your emails. Never
once have I checked your bank balance. If there's something in there that
you don't want me to see, I don't care. Because I TRUST YOU. If an
ex-boyfriend emailed me out of the blue and you found it, you would flip
out. It doesn't matter that I didn't initiate of invite it. I would have
to explain it to you, and I shouldn't have to-you should trust me.
Along the same lines, you get so upset whenever I want to do something that
doesn't involve you. When I want to watch a movie without you, you complain
I'm choosing it over you. Get a GRIP!! Sometimes I'm going to want to do
things by myself-I'm not giving up everything in my life that you don't like
or want to do. It's completely unfair to even ask that-and I DO NOT ask or
expect that from you. I don't care if you go play golf or go hunting or
even just go out and eat wings with your buddies. I don't need you to be
with me all the time, or to do everything with you, and I don't feel at all
threatened by your desire to do things without me. Sometimes I'm just happy
you're gone so I can do whatever I want!!
And everything always has to be the way that YOU want it to be or think it
should be. If you don't like/agree with/understand it, it's ridiculous.
And you tell me I shouldn't feel bad when you disagree with me, that I
should be able to stand up for my opinions and desires-well, I get TIRED of
fighting for everything I want or like. Some things I just shouldn't have
to defend! You call me lazy for wanting to sit and watch movies for a day
simply because you can't stand to sit still. You'd rather drag me with you
while you go to Home Depot or go fishing so you don't feel like you've
"wasted the day". Well, maybe you should consider that I feel like my day
is "wasted" if I haven't done the things that I wanted to do. And sometimes
I just want to RELAX! I'm the only one who ever does anything around our
house, and I get tired of it. And I LOVE to read-just because you don't do
it doesn't mean that it's pointless and I shouldn't do it.
I know it bothers you, but I'm going to join a band. Singing is what I was
built for, it's what I love, and it's getting to the point where I don't
even care how you feel about it. I did without it for so long because you
didn't want me to do it. You're afraid it's going to take up all my time,
and I think deep down you don't want guys watching me and hitting on me, and
you're afraid I'll meet someone else and leave you. But the bottom line
is, music is important to me, almost more important than anything, and I
feel you need to just accept that and be supportive and enthusiastic. NOT
put me down for even wanting it and then listing all the reasons I shouldn't
do it. I would NEVER do that to you. Again, you need to TRUST me-give me
the chance to screw up, at least, before you beat me up about it.
And don't even get me started on the sex issue. You've been so much better
about that, but any time we go more than three days without you (yes, you,
not US) getting some action, you flip out about it all over again. So
here's the deal: YES, I wanted sex more often in the beginning of our
relationship, but that's because you were Prince Charming then. NO, I don't
want to have sex every day-I might if I wasn't so tired from fighting with
you and cleaning up after you. YES, you need to get me in the mood, and NO,
starting to jerk off while I'm in the bathroom getting ready for bed does
not count. YES, the sex is great, but frankly, you're just too rough
sometimes. It seems like you need that to finish, but it makes me feel like
you don't care if it hurts me or not-as if I'm just an object you're using
and your pleasure is ultimately what matters. And then you want me to want
to have sex later that same day or the next day? You've got to be kidding.
And I don't think it's fair that if I'm not going to have sex with you, you
feel entitled to a blow job or a hand job. Every. Single. Day. You are
very generous to me in bed-you love to please me, and I know that, but I
feel like you don't listen.
It's a running theme with you, I think. We've talked about all of these
things, but they are still problems. You do realize them, I think, and you
say you're going to try to be better (and you have, in so many ways). I
really hope you do, because if things don't improve, I will leave you. I
spent too long learning who I am and how to love myself to let you slowly
wear me down and erode me. I love you dear, but your issues could kill this
relationship. I'm so torn, because I really do love you, but the thought of
marrying you and spending the rest of my life this way absolutely terrifies
I don't know why exactly, but I felt like I just wanted to write in about
things. I'm a 23 year old male who is very much in love, but is also very
afraid. I've spent the last hour or so reading these posts, and I'm afraid.
Afraid of myself, afraid of the mistakes that I might make. I actually
found this site because I googled, "I'm afraid I might cheat".
I like to think of myself as a good person and people tell me often that
I am, but it's a hard thing to believe. I'm with a girl now who is so
incredibly talented, loving, and wonderful that I can't imagine being with
anyone else. Very recently, no more than a few days ago, she confided in me
about the reason for her parents' divorce. She told me that her father had
repeatedly cheated on her mother. I knew that it would hurt her horribly if
I ever did something like that to her, hence the aforementioned google
The reason I'm afraid is simple. In one of my past relationships, I
thought I had clearly broken things off with a girl who was going overseas.
I was distrought because I expected her to find someone else where she was
going, so I thought it was pretty much over, especially since we had only
dated for a month or so before she left. After a while of her being gone I
had detached sex with someone during a depressive bout. Later on, after her
being overseas for awhile and getting settled in, something I didn't expect
happened; she started calling me frequently. She didn't think we had broken
up! I knew I had made a mistake in not being clear enough with her and in
assuming that she wanted to date people abroad. After a month or so, I
finally built up the courage to tell her about what had happened and that I
was sorry that I hadn't made things more clear before she left. She
couldn't forgive me even though I apologized and begged forgiveness for
months after trying to fix it. I don't want to feel that way again. I
don't want to feel like I can't forgive myself or that I've caused someone
that much pain...
I love this woman I'm with now so much that I know I never want to betray
her trust, but I also know that I'm human and I could make a mistake. I
never want to hurt her, but I'm afraid, even moreso after reading all these
testimonies. I have faith in myself that I will try to be the best husband
I can be to her, but I'm afraid of that part of myself that makes mistakes.
I want to tell her about what happened before with this girl, but I'm afraid
that she won't ever feel like she can trust me if I tell her. I also feel
terrible because a part of me is even afraid that she might eventually
betray my trust as well. It's a scary thing to feel like even the epitome
of a kind, loving, honest, caring, woman might eventually cheat on me. I
want to get over my own fears that are built up from being used by women in
the past. It's odd to say, but typically I'd be the one left crying in an
empty bed the morning after. I know that I'm out of place here, and that
many of you may feel less than sympathetic towards me, but what all of you
have said has had a strong impact on me. It's made me want to work even
harder to be the best human being I can be.
Love, if you read this I hope you know that I love you more than anything
and that I always want to work to maintain our relationship. I want to know
that you're in it for the long haul just as much as I am. I want to know
that we won't give up on each other. I want you to know that I intend to
tell you everything from here on out. I don't want us to ever get so
distant that we start looking for an escape. I want to fight for this. I
want to fight for us. I want to fight to be a better man than your father
was... There's no one else I'd rather grow old with.
Sometimes, I forget to wipe the shower down, or don't feel like it (yes, I know it slows down mold growth!), and just hang the wiper on the hook, knowing it will be dry by the time you get home and you won't know the difference.
Sometimes I don't make the bed until just after I get home after work. So yes, that spider you found the other day under the covers on your side is probably my fault.
I bought a whole bag of cadbury's mini eggs on our joint account the other day and ate every one of them by myself. I didn't want to share. I don't drink, so the bar is aaalll yours.
I wish you would switch your man-panties to boxers. They are such a turnoff sometimes.
I'm the girl that posted 1370.
So..I saw HIM. The one that "got away". He moved here just like he said he would and I drove about 3 hours to see him. It was great to see him again, and felt just like old times. I tried to justify it by saying to him that if things were good between you and I, I wouldn't be there. We were going through problems, so, that makes it okay. We went out for drinks, and came back to his place. He was dying to get in my pants, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could not do you THAT dirty. We kissed, and I was practically naked in the bed w/ him, but I couldn't give "it" up. While we're kissing and having fun, you keep calling. I don't answer. The next day when I saw how many missed calls there were (this is soooooooo not like you) I pick up my phone to call you back. It rings in my hand. It's you, and you're in the hospital. Have been there since the night before, but since I was too fucking busy to answer, I find out that morning. I felt like shit! Before it was you that was acting as if you were single and doing things behind my back, and now it's me. I hauled ass out of there like nobody's business and got to the hospital. We spent the next 2 days there. I didn't even leave the hospital to check on my poor dog.
The guilt of that night kept me crying inside because, I know it was probably GOD teaching me a lesson or something. But it wasn't enough to keep me away. I went back, and again, did the same little dance, but no sex. But this time, I realized that I was in love with my past, what we USED to have. He's no longer what I thought he was! He made it very clear to me, that he only wanted to have sex, and nothing more. Hell, the guy has a GF. I told myself, it would be the LAST time I'd go to see him. Even though we have some rocky times, I've changed my mindset, at least I'm trying to, and see that this was my way of "checking out". In the last post I talked about your reluctance about marriage. It's now a non-issue, because I am the one that doesn't want to get married. I want to push it off as much as I can because I want to make sure I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. I have so many doubts it is not even funny, but I don't know if they're really doubts, or just me trying to guard my heart from being broken. The things you do don't get to me quite like they used to, and that bothers me. It should bother you too.
If I tell you you're not affectionate, you do it for like 1-2 days or something, but after that, it goes back to normal. We have virtually no sex life. We only do it on the weekends. I'm not happy with just 1 time a week. We're not even close to being 30 yet..what the fuck!!! We have no kids, nothing to tie us down, yet you have no energy for sex. And if we do have sex, it's usually b/c I initiate it. And if by some off chance you do the initiating, it's so half-assed it's not even worth it. I do have other body parts you know!!! Besides my pussy and my fucking breasts. What happened to you!!! I don't like what's happening to me, because it just shows me how not into you I'm becoming, and I don't want to be that way. But until I see something drastically different, I'll never open up to you the way I was in the beginning. You were my everything, and now you're just my man. And maybe that was the problem all along. I let you become the center of my life, and you're just a small part of it. I've learned to be a realist and stop living in a "fantasy world". I know now that just because you're with someone for x amount of years doesn't mean you should be married. I've learned to "go with the flow" because in the years you spend with someone, that's when you realize who that person is. Had I jumped the broom, I'd still be finding out about all your short-comings. I love you, I want this to work, but at night I pray that we'll make it, or that I'll get a sign that you're not IT for me. And this is why I take that pill religiously. There's no way I'm having a baby with you, not that you've asked. But that is my number 1 fear. That I'll end up with YOUR baby, and when I finally get tired of you, I really won't be able to leave. How fucked up is this!!! I started to write this post as something positive, and all this other stuff flooded out. You're a good guy, you don't really hang out, you're about your job, you don't abuse me in any way, but the spark baby, is just fading, and I need it back.
I hope you don't propose, because I won't know the right way to say no.