Confession #2031
One of the reasons I want you to talk or moan or make some kind of noise during sex is because I need reassurance that you are YOU—my husband. I need to be reminded that you are not the man who abused me. Over the past 2 years, I’ve secretly been having flashbacks to the abuse during sex. I’m not quite sure why. The abuse was 20 years ago and I hadn’t had a problem with it at all until fairly recently. I’ve gotten pretty good at reminding myself in that moment that I’m with someone I love and trust. Usually, I can let it go once I recognize what’s going on. I haven’t told you because I already have a stronger libido than you. So I don’t want you shying away from sex even more because you worry that I’m being reminded of him. I want you to talk in part because your voice reminds me that you are you. You are safe. But you just won’t say a word. Why is it so difficult to freaking talk? I don’t want to have to rehash my abuse story yet again. Why can’t you just speak or moan or something simply because I’ve made it clear I want/need it? I’m not asking for a lot. Something as simple as moaning during sex can help keep me in the moment. I don’t understand why you won’t do it.
Confession #2032
I am flabbergasted.I have the most wonderful
husband.He is everything any woman would want in a
man.He actually knows how to run the washing
machine,dryer,vacuum and pretty much anything else in
the house.He is my best friend,lover and mechanic all
rolled into one.He drinks a little but I can
understand that...I am no longer complaining after
checking out this site....
Confession #2033
People say that love hits you right when you're not looking for it.
I shut myself off because I have dealt with enough heartbreak. I've selflessly given myself to love over and over again, and each and every time love has given me the cold shoulder.
My relationships have all ended shiteously. I've given up. There are only so many times that you can try only to have yourself fail. To know that there's no one else to pick you up and dust you off. To know that you and you alone did this to yourself. To know that your heart is becoming harder and harder to piece together because it's broken so many times before.
There's only so many times that I can allow myself to be hurt. That is why I cannot dive in and be with you. You'll leave in September and I'll be alone and eventually you'll call and tell me that it's over. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. You will meet so many people when you're gone and I'll be standing here trying not to think about you.
I admit that I do care about you. I like you very much. My friends say that it's love, but then again, my friends say a lot of things.
I wish that I could throw caution to the wind like I used to and allow myself to be held in your arms and to give into the temptation to kiss those lips.
But I can't, anymore. I've been there and I've done that and I know how it turns out. I will not allow myself to be hurt-especially by you.
I can't let you become yet another villain in my complex history. I'd rather you be the friend who could've been something more. The friend who knew better than to stay in one place. The friend who truly made something of himself and did something with his life.
So, however tempting your offer may be, I cannot accept it.
Forget what could've been. Forget that we have a lot in common. Forget that we say the same things at the same time and that we love to argue with each other and playfully call each other names. Forget the time when we spent the day together, just talking and lying in the grass watching the clouds go by. Forget that you admitted that you love me.
Those memories won't serve any of us any good.
Confession #2034
I met someone on the internet a couple of months ago and we're now having an affair. It's not that emotional, it's not that involved...but it's intense and it's great. He's not smarter than you, he's not funnier than you....but his body is incredible and he makes me feel like a goddess. I'll end it at some point....but not for now...because he's giving me what you seem to not care about anymore...passion and tenderness...and a good lay.
Confession #2035
When I met u I never wanted to go out with u because I just came out of a harsh divorce. You constantly called me and insisted that we go out. I finally agreed. I had the time of my life dating u. U were my everything. U gave me a reason to smile again. Not a day went by u didn't profess your love to me. Not a day went by without u wanting to spend time with me. I fell so much in love with u. U insisted that i move in with u. I did,then everything changed. I sold my first car i had n bought a new car for u when yours crashed. Just so u would have. I didn't mind traveling through sun or rain to get to work. I gave up my home and family just to be with u. U lost your job and I still stood by you. Paying all the bills, taking care of your daughter while u lied to me telling me you were looking for a job when in truth u were joyriding in the car I bought u with other women.
Taking them out and having the time of your life and somehow you could never have time for me or your own daughter. Endless lies you told me when you would disappear night after night for hours with only one excuse"I was with my friends". When you finally got a job, the thoughtless insults started. When you thought you could stand on your own and had no use for me anymore you had the nerve to tell me to leave and its all my fault. Night upon night I would cry because you hurt me so much. I was a fool to trust you. To give up everything I had for you. Now I have nothing. I'm strong and I will survive this even though I still live with the pain. I regret ever meeting you, however it taught me a valuable lesson about love and trust.I hate you so much for hurting me. I'm a good person wit a good heart and you took advantage of that.Every tear that I cried rests upon you and I know one day you will reap what you sow.
Confession #2036
We don't always have the greatest 'go' of things - we definitely have our share of 'fun' arguments...
I don't always like you or myself...
but I love you always. Thank you for the roses and lime soda.
Confession #2037
Today is our 8 year anniversary...sometimes I hate you.
Confession #2038
Thank you for being happy that my mom is here visiting. Thank you for giving us some time to spend together. Thank you for not being resentful of all her little projects. Thank you for liking her.
Confession #2039
I am still a little pissed off at you. A month later and the breakup is still a little bit raw. However, I have come to the place where I can finally say “Thank you.” I wanted you to be “the one.” You weren’t. That is not any more your fault than it is mine. I know we were meant to be, we just weren’t meant to be forever. You were the perfect first boyfriend after my divorce. You helped me to rebuild my shattered ego and I will always be grateful. You left me better than you found me and I hope you feel the same about my impact on you. My memories of our time are bittersweet, but the bitter is fading even after this short time. You are a wonderful man and I will always think of you as one of the best people I have ever known. I hope you find what you are looking for in life. You deserve the best. I hope we can someday be friends…well, we may want to wait another few months to let me (and I imagine you too) finish getting over this part. I hope that someday our paths will cross again and we can embrace each other remembering only the good times. There were a lot of them. Go with God, Sweetheart.
Confession #2040
I found your blog today for a good reason. I feel like I am going crazy and falling into the cracks of a out of control train wreck. I have a difficult time still saying that train wreck is my life. Today I found out the domestic violence case against my soon to be ex-husband is going to be dismissed. It would have been dismissed today, if my victim’s advocate had not been there to get the new DA on the case to continue the trial one more time. The old DA would not dismiss the case, was pressing on, even though I asked for it to be dropped. The new guy, who has never spoken to me, decided he can not prove the case. I agree with the new guy, this fight was a minor one for us. He ran through the house breaking our pictures frames, ripping our family photos, then when I tried to stop him he threw me down, I still continued to go after him for some stupid reason, for the stupid pictures, that matter nothing at all, my six year old boy was chasing us around the whole time. What the fuck is that matter with me. I knew he would not calm down, so I called the police and they arrested him. They were not going to, even though it is a law, but that is good they can be human beings and make autonomous decisions. I was ok, with him just leaving, and I went to let my kids back into our crazy world and let them know the police were only just there to help us and not scary. On my way back with my boy, the cops said sorry, things had changed and could I send the kids back to the neighbors. My husband started telling the cops how big I am, look at her shoulders, she can take care of herself…..this is all according to the policeman, that told me to bring the kids back to my neighbors because he was going to arrest him, changed his mind, what kind of pussy says that, is what the police man told me he unofficially thought (kind of strange in itself that he felt telling me that was appropriate, but I did appreciate it at the time)…..so that was the first, in about three times, that the police have been called to our house and they actually took him away. I am 5’7” and 155 lbs. He is 6’4”, 210 lbs. I have been drawn into his game before though, it is has been way worse than the particular day he was arrested. It was tough, that day, but there were worse, choking, shoving to the ground, while holding my children, our children, spitting on me, throwing 2 x4s, hammers, televisions, kicking, throwing rocks, leaving me stranded places with no money, no phone, and no sing of him, calling me a cunt, thinking nothing of doing this in front of my mother, letting us down time and time again, saying I love you, my wife, my heart, my soul, I would do anything for you (and I figured out to me too)…you bitch. Where was my backbone for the last nine years (to be fair, it began 8 years ago, when we moved in together and had a planned pregnancy with our son). I am strong, beautiful, intelligent, caring, how the hell did I get wrapped up in acting like that, fighting back, allowing the fighting to go on, and on, and on. Now, I filed for divorce, I love him, I am so weak, I love him for the good person he is outside of this sickness. Though I can not explain even half of the awfulness, the mean spirited, disrespectful behavior, I grieve for my marriage and sometimes even wish I was still with him and things were different, even though I am scared of him and his unpredictability, if my kids were not around, I would be with him. Am I too damaged to see why I would still feel this love, I think I know myself, am self confident, am beautiful, sexy, loving, a good mother. Geez, the weight of things is sometimes so hard to take. I am tired and wait for each moment I fall upon that is something that makes things lighter. I feal cheated and stupid and furious and even stupider (and I know that is not a word). I have until Thursday now to be under the protection of the law and to make the decisions I need to make to most benefit my family. I pray that I make the right ones.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
True Wife Confessions 203(M)...boom
Confession #2021
I'm eating half of a cold, leftover patty melt. And coffee. It's 9AM. I normally don't eat breakfast, but when I'm down, food is comforting.
Last night was miserable. We went to bed frustrated & distant. I, under the covers & you above. In my restless sleep I jerked & kicked- apparently hitting you, because I remember you irritably pushing my leg away. You said you didn't sleep at all- barely dreaming at 6AM only to be woken by my alarm an hour later. I hate this. It isn't us.
They say the first year is the hardest. Who are "they"? The same people that determine how a healthy relationship "should" be?
It's comforting to know that regardless of the bickering & frustration, there's never a question of love. You constantly assure me of this. Even in the middle of arguments, when we're on separate ends of the couch & tears are streaming down my face- you assure me that there's never uncertainty of your love or commitment. I've too have never questioned these things. It shames me that I have made you feel this way- when you are always so understanding of my needs. You're selfless & I'm stubborn.
Right now I'm being selfish. I know what I have to do to fix things yet I don't. It's me, not you- and that frustrates me. I'm so sorry. Making a change means stepping outside of my everyday routine- my comfort zone- and I've always had a problem with that. But it's not "me" anymore- it's "we". You're my everything, and it's time I started showing you. Words aren't enough.
We're growing. We're learning each other's needs & how individually we have to make changes- compromises- to coexist as a couple. I need to make more of an effort- not because it's what I "should" do, but because it's what I need to do- for us
Confession #2022
I KNOW that I didn't cause that wart on your dick, but I secretly hope that you have an STD and I don't. Our relationship has been way too toxic and I just want out. You said that if you "have something", we're done. I've tried breaking up with you so many times, but you always come begging back and my stupid ass takes you back. If you have something, which turns out you might have HPV, then you'll leave me for good.
BTW, I lied - I went out with a male friend of mine last night. Nothing happened, nothing ever happens between us. We've been friends for 3 years, and have blatantly agreed that there is no attraction to each other. However, due to your insecurities, it's easier to lie about where I was rather than to have yet another fight with you. I do love you, but the love we have isn't worth all this crap. I want out! I can almost taste the freedom.
Love,
your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend
Confession #2023
Here is a confession about something that i can't seem to shake. Six years ago, my daughter was born. I went into labor at 2 am when my water broke. You had been increasingly mean to me during my pregnancy; I had gestational diabetes and needed to exercise to keep my blood sugar low. I asked you to go for a walk with me, but since my hips had unhinged a little, it was hard for me to walk fast. So we walked around our housing development with me a few steps behind, then several steps, then there were several feet between us. I asked you to walk slower because I couldn't keep up, and you said "this is fine." I said that we weren't really walking together, and you said that we were. It made me feel crazy, and I never asked you to walk with me again.
So when my water broke, and I had contractions, I woke you up and asked you to take me to the hospital. You got mad at me waking you up, and wanted to go back to sleep. We had taken a childbirth class, and the teacher said that if your water broke you should go to the hospital, but that this didn't happen most of the time, and that if it hadn't, you should stay home "as long as possible." I reminded you about this, but you said that you didn't remember that, and we should "stay home as long as possible." So you went back to sleep. I walked around the house, wondering what I was going to do. I looked for the handout we got from the class so I could prove to you that we needed to go. I'm a professor, dumbshit, and I have pretty good reading comprehension. Since you never read a single book on pregnancy and babies but were sure you were right, I didn't have a lot of options. My contractions were getting harder, and I couldn't find the handout. So I reviewed an article that a colleague of mine wrote. i didn't know what else to do. It was too late to call anyone to pick me up, and i was afraid to drive.
So I waited until the contractions were pretty close together, and woke you up again and insisted that we go. So you finally drove me to the hospital. I had a thirty six hour labor, with almost no encouragement from you. When my daughter was born she looked right into my eyes, and she was so beautiful. I looked at her and knew that I was on my own, she and me. When I divorced you a year and a half later, it was because of her. I couldn't let her see you treat me with contempt and disrespect. When we moved and you made it clear that you never intended to look for a job or go back to work, I had no choice. Cheating on me with a stripper and contracting an STD didn't help either. I could have forgiven those if you hadn't constantly criticized me.
I am now married to a man who is ten years younger than me and the exact opposite of you. He loves me and my daughter and treats her better than you ever did. I just wish that I had never met you, and that i could forget what happened the night I gave birth to our daughter. I remember asking you to support her neck when she was a week old. You lunged at me and called me a "piehole" for daring to ask you to hold her differently. I thought you might hit me; she was in bed with me, and I laughed right in your face. I knew that you were weak then, and I was strong, even though I was still bleeding from giving birth. You harassed me for sex immediately after I had her, even though I needed to have vaginal repair surgery. When I had it, it was very painful. Yet you kept on demanding I give you sex. My husband now would never do that. when I asked you to stop during sex, because it hurt, you said "in a minute, I'm almost done" and kept on going until you were. It was years until I realized that not all men are like that in bed.
I hope that posting this will help me get over it. It's been five years and I think about these things at least once a week, sometimes more. My life now is so good, but I can't stop thinking about how you treated me, and why.
Confession #2024
Sweetie Pie,
In the two years since we broke up I have never stopped thinking about you and wandering why you weren't satisfied with me. Sometimes I think of you and smile but the smiles usually pass pretty quickly as I remember some of the horrible things you said and did to me. It's funny how when we were together I could see nothing but great things about you and now that it's over I can't remember what I loved about you and sometimes I even struggle to remember what you looked like. I always thought we had the best relationship in the world but in reality it was great when I made everything revolve around you. I was so afraid to express my unhappiness when things went wrong for fear of losing you.
I thought all I needed was an apology to be able to forgive you but the apology didn't change anything… I still stand in church every Sunday morning and pray for God to take away the anger I have for you. After two years, I have come to the conclusion that the only way I am going to have closure is for you to be unhappy. I pray that someday you will know how it feels to be so wrapped up in love that you are willing to set your on happiness, beliefs and expectations aside for your partners.
You are in many ways a good person, good friend and a dedicated police officer but you will never be an affectionate, trustworthy, faithful husband. It took me many years to realize that I wasn't the problem. You are the way you are and you will always require more attention than one woman can give.
Sometimes I forget how blessed I have been because I let the anger I have for you take over my emotions. I always try to remind myself that I was blessed to have known true love but I was even more blessed to have it taken away. I no longer lie awake at night worrying where you are, who you are with and why I am not good enough to carry your last name.
When I broke up with you I broke up with your family too…. Don't you think it's time for you to do the same with mine? My family may have forgiven you for hurting me but they will never forget the pain I went through before and after we broke up.
P.S. You told me on several occasions that I would never leave you… Well, I guess we both know how that ended! I was much stronger than you gave me credit for!
Confession #2025
My ex got pissed at me because he had to spend a day
in jail over child support. He had a warrant out for
his arrest because he didn't show up for a hearing. He
blamed me for it. I was partly to blame since I didn't
forward all of his mail to him after he moved out and
the hearing notification may have been in the mail I
tossed. I don't know. I didn't check. He should've
forwarded his mail the day he moved out instead of
three months later. But he still is at fault because
the hearing was about his non-payment of child support
and even if he had gone to the hearing, he probably
still would've been arrested because he hadn't paid
any child support in over a year. He chose not to work
and accepts cash jobs so that he doesn't have to
report his income. He hasn't filed his taxes in 4
years because the state takes his refund and gives it
to his ex. And he blamed me for his day in jail. I'm
just glad I didn't have kids with him.
Confession #2026
You called me your filthy fucking whore last night. I have been waiting
for two years to hear you call me your filthy dirty little slut. It was
better then I ever imagined it coming out of your mouth. You bit me and
marked me for what I am, YOUR dirty bitch. I love you so much, you know
how much. I apologized for being poetic last night, how silly. It's
true I would throw her to the dogs and watch her hurt for you, even
though I know you would never ask me to do that. I know that you want
me to be able to be with her, but it hurts you. As of this morning she
has been thrown to the dogs. You are everything to me, everything, if
you are not breathing I don't see how i could continue. If you are hurt
I am hurt. Words cannot possibly do justice to the feelings of awe, and
wonderment I feel for you, I know you don't feel the same towards
yourself but I wish you would. Everyone around you sees what a fucking
terrific man you are, what a terrific dad, and what a terrific partner
you are to me, everyone but you. I wish I could make you see yourself
how I see you, just for a moments time I would make you feel the depth
of my love for you, it would knock you on your ass.
You told me that after we had our son 9 weeks ago that I turn you on
more than I ever have in the past, thank you for saying that to me you
sexy beast. I want you home right now in our bed with your hands
yanking my hair back and the words,
"dirty nasty slut,"
sliding smoothly into my ear. I love you.
Confession #2027
You have lousy timing. You got me all hot and bothered and THEN told me that you didn't think we should have any more sex until we were married. I was so angry. I couldn't yell or even cry, I was so angry. It's been four months, but it feels much longer, and I am still going through withdrawal. But now, I am sort of glad that you made that decision for us. It means you're actually serious about being with me for a long time, and you don't want to mess it up. So...I wish I could tell you that at first I wanted to punch you in the face, but now I understand and I agree.
Confession #2028
you never touch me. we never have sex. i am lonely. i want to have an affair. i almost did today, but chickened out.i think i will see him friday.almost three years of marriage hasn't gotten him out of my head. we talk daily. we're both married now, but we still want each other. you don't fill that void. i married you because you are a good man, but there's no passion. i used to be confident and feel beautiful within myself, now i am self conscience and scared. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. counseling hasn't worked, telling you how unhappy i am hasn't worked. maybe if you never find out about him you won't get hurt.
Confession #2029
Friend to Friend.
You and I have been friends/sisters for close to 20 years now.
You introduced me to my husband-(some days I could kill you for that) - you walked with me until my contractions were 4 minutes apart and begged me go to the doctor. You were RIGHT there when she came out- and laughed with me when my major concern was the smell of my lady parts – being spread open for the world to see. We have gone through so much together. You have raised two extremely successful young women on your own- and not a day goes by that they don’t hear in their heads, some quote, or some bit of advice that you have given them. Well, same goes for me. I know God was up to something when he crossed our paths that very day- and- since you and I have the best fun with this site, I wanted you and all the readers to know how very much I love and treasure our friendship. You were with me when I caught my first fish even. We both love life- from picking corn, to lily pad gazing, to ice cold beer in the can right down to karaoke nights 7 nights a week.
You know who you are- UU. I hope God blesses us with 20 more years of beer drinking, friend choppin, and knee slappin laughter.
Confession #2030
The other morning, as we were getting out of bed, you knelt down in front of me. You held my feet in your hands and kissed my toes. You looked up at me and told me how much you love me. Those are the moments when I know that you are the right man for me, despite all the complications of our lives.
I'm eating half of a cold, leftover patty melt. And coffee. It's 9AM. I normally don't eat breakfast, but when I'm down, food is comforting.
Last night was miserable. We went to bed frustrated & distant. I, under the covers & you above. In my restless sleep I jerked & kicked- apparently hitting you, because I remember you irritably pushing my leg away. You said you didn't sleep at all- barely dreaming at 6AM only to be woken by my alarm an hour later. I hate this. It isn't us.
They say the first year is the hardest. Who are "they"? The same people that determine how a healthy relationship "should" be?
It's comforting to know that regardless of the bickering & frustration, there's never a question of love. You constantly assure me of this. Even in the middle of arguments, when we're on separate ends of the couch & tears are streaming down my face- you assure me that there's never uncertainty of your love or commitment. I've too have never questioned these things. It shames me that I have made you feel this way- when you are always so understanding of my needs. You're selfless & I'm stubborn.
Right now I'm being selfish. I know what I have to do to fix things yet I don't. It's me, not you- and that frustrates me. I'm so sorry. Making a change means stepping outside of my everyday routine- my comfort zone- and I've always had a problem with that. But it's not "me" anymore- it's "we". You're my everything, and it's time I started showing you. Words aren't enough.
We're growing. We're learning each other's needs & how individually we have to make changes- compromises- to coexist as a couple. I need to make more of an effort- not because it's what I "should" do, but because it's what I need to do- for us
Confession #2022
I KNOW that I didn't cause that wart on your dick, but I secretly hope that you have an STD and I don't. Our relationship has been way too toxic and I just want out. You said that if you "have something", we're done. I've tried breaking up with you so many times, but you always come begging back and my stupid ass takes you back. If you have something, which turns out you might have HPV, then you'll leave me for good.
BTW, I lied - I went out with a male friend of mine last night. Nothing happened, nothing ever happens between us. We've been friends for 3 years, and have blatantly agreed that there is no attraction to each other. However, due to your insecurities, it's easier to lie about where I was rather than to have yet another fight with you. I do love you, but the love we have isn't worth all this crap. I want out! I can almost taste the freedom.
Love,
your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend
Confession #2023
Here is a confession about something that i can't seem to shake. Six years ago, my daughter was born. I went into labor at 2 am when my water broke. You had been increasingly mean to me during my pregnancy; I had gestational diabetes and needed to exercise to keep my blood sugar low. I asked you to go for a walk with me, but since my hips had unhinged a little, it was hard for me to walk fast. So we walked around our housing development with me a few steps behind, then several steps, then there were several feet between us. I asked you to walk slower because I couldn't keep up, and you said "this is fine." I said that we weren't really walking together, and you said that we were. It made me feel crazy, and I never asked you to walk with me again.
So when my water broke, and I had contractions, I woke you up and asked you to take me to the hospital. You got mad at me waking you up, and wanted to go back to sleep. We had taken a childbirth class, and the teacher said that if your water broke you should go to the hospital, but that this didn't happen most of the time, and that if it hadn't, you should stay home "as long as possible." I reminded you about this, but you said that you didn't remember that, and we should "stay home as long as possible." So you went back to sleep. I walked around the house, wondering what I was going to do. I looked for the handout we got from the class so I could prove to you that we needed to go. I'm a professor, dumbshit, and I have pretty good reading comprehension. Since you never read a single book on pregnancy and babies but were sure you were right, I didn't have a lot of options. My contractions were getting harder, and I couldn't find the handout. So I reviewed an article that a colleague of mine wrote. i didn't know what else to do. It was too late to call anyone to pick me up, and i was afraid to drive.
So I waited until the contractions were pretty close together, and woke you up again and insisted that we go. So you finally drove me to the hospital. I had a thirty six hour labor, with almost no encouragement from you. When my daughter was born she looked right into my eyes, and she was so beautiful. I looked at her and knew that I was on my own, she and me. When I divorced you a year and a half later, it was because of her. I couldn't let her see you treat me with contempt and disrespect. When we moved and you made it clear that you never intended to look for a job or go back to work, I had no choice. Cheating on me with a stripper and contracting an STD didn't help either. I could have forgiven those if you hadn't constantly criticized me.
I am now married to a man who is ten years younger than me and the exact opposite of you. He loves me and my daughter and treats her better than you ever did. I just wish that I had never met you, and that i could forget what happened the night I gave birth to our daughter. I remember asking you to support her neck when she was a week old. You lunged at me and called me a "piehole" for daring to ask you to hold her differently. I thought you might hit me; she was in bed with me, and I laughed right in your face. I knew that you were weak then, and I was strong, even though I was still bleeding from giving birth. You harassed me for sex immediately after I had her, even though I needed to have vaginal repair surgery. When I had it, it was very painful. Yet you kept on demanding I give you sex. My husband now would never do that. when I asked you to stop during sex, because it hurt, you said "in a minute, I'm almost done" and kept on going until you were. It was years until I realized that not all men are like that in bed.
I hope that posting this will help me get over it. It's been five years and I think about these things at least once a week, sometimes more. My life now is so good, but I can't stop thinking about how you treated me, and why.
Confession #2024
Sweetie Pie,
In the two years since we broke up I have never stopped thinking about you and wandering why you weren't satisfied with me. Sometimes I think of you and smile but the smiles usually pass pretty quickly as I remember some of the horrible things you said and did to me. It's funny how when we were together I could see nothing but great things about you and now that it's over I can't remember what I loved about you and sometimes I even struggle to remember what you looked like. I always thought we had the best relationship in the world but in reality it was great when I made everything revolve around you. I was so afraid to express my unhappiness when things went wrong for fear of losing you.
I thought all I needed was an apology to be able to forgive you but the apology didn't change anything… I still stand in church every Sunday morning and pray for God to take away the anger I have for you. After two years, I have come to the conclusion that the only way I am going to have closure is for you to be unhappy. I pray that someday you will know how it feels to be so wrapped up in love that you are willing to set your on happiness, beliefs and expectations aside for your partners.
You are in many ways a good person, good friend and a dedicated police officer but you will never be an affectionate, trustworthy, faithful husband. It took me many years to realize that I wasn't the problem. You are the way you are and you will always require more attention than one woman can give.
Sometimes I forget how blessed I have been because I let the anger I have for you take over my emotions. I always try to remind myself that I was blessed to have known true love but I was even more blessed to have it taken away. I no longer lie awake at night worrying where you are, who you are with and why I am not good enough to carry your last name.
When I broke up with you I broke up with your family too…. Don't you think it's time for you to do the same with mine? My family may have forgiven you for hurting me but they will never forget the pain I went through before and after we broke up.
P.S. You told me on several occasions that I would never leave you… Well, I guess we both know how that ended! I was much stronger than you gave me credit for!
Confession #2025
My ex got pissed at me because he had to spend a day
in jail over child support. He had a warrant out for
his arrest because he didn't show up for a hearing. He
blamed me for it. I was partly to blame since I didn't
forward all of his mail to him after he moved out and
the hearing notification may have been in the mail I
tossed. I don't know. I didn't check. He should've
forwarded his mail the day he moved out instead of
three months later. But he still is at fault because
the hearing was about his non-payment of child support
and even if he had gone to the hearing, he probably
still would've been arrested because he hadn't paid
any child support in over a year. He chose not to work
and accepts cash jobs so that he doesn't have to
report his income. He hasn't filed his taxes in 4
years because the state takes his refund and gives it
to his ex. And he blamed me for his day in jail. I'm
just glad I didn't have kids with him.
Confession #2026
You called me your filthy fucking whore last night. I have been waiting
for two years to hear you call me your filthy dirty little slut. It was
better then I ever imagined it coming out of your mouth. You bit me and
marked me for what I am, YOUR dirty bitch. I love you so much, you know
how much. I apologized for being poetic last night, how silly. It's
true I would throw her to the dogs and watch her hurt for you, even
though I know you would never ask me to do that. I know that you want
me to be able to be with her, but it hurts you. As of this morning she
has been thrown to the dogs. You are everything to me, everything, if
you are not breathing I don't see how i could continue. If you are hurt
I am hurt. Words cannot possibly do justice to the feelings of awe, and
wonderment I feel for you, I know you don't feel the same towards
yourself but I wish you would. Everyone around you sees what a fucking
terrific man you are, what a terrific dad, and what a terrific partner
you are to me, everyone but you. I wish I could make you see yourself
how I see you, just for a moments time I would make you feel the depth
of my love for you, it would knock you on your ass.
You told me that after we had our son 9 weeks ago that I turn you on
more than I ever have in the past, thank you for saying that to me you
sexy beast. I want you home right now in our bed with your hands
yanking my hair back and the words,
"dirty nasty slut,"
sliding smoothly into my ear. I love you.
Confession #2027
You have lousy timing. You got me all hot and bothered and THEN told me that you didn't think we should have any more sex until we were married. I was so angry. I couldn't yell or even cry, I was so angry. It's been four months, but it feels much longer, and I am still going through withdrawal. But now, I am sort of glad that you made that decision for us. It means you're actually serious about being with me for a long time, and you don't want to mess it up. So...I wish I could tell you that at first I wanted to punch you in the face, but now I understand and I agree.
Confession #2028
you never touch me. we never have sex. i am lonely. i want to have an affair. i almost did today, but chickened out.i think i will see him friday.almost three years of marriage hasn't gotten him out of my head. we talk daily. we're both married now, but we still want each other. you don't fill that void. i married you because you are a good man, but there's no passion. i used to be confident and feel beautiful within myself, now i am self conscience and scared. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. counseling hasn't worked, telling you how unhappy i am hasn't worked. maybe if you never find out about him you won't get hurt.
Confession #2029
Friend to Friend.
You and I have been friends/sisters for close to 20 years now.
You introduced me to my husband-(some days I could kill you for that) - you walked with me until my contractions were 4 minutes apart and begged me go to the doctor. You were RIGHT there when she came out- and laughed with me when my major concern was the smell of my lady parts – being spread open for the world to see. We have gone through so much together. You have raised two extremely successful young women on your own- and not a day goes by that they don’t hear in their heads, some quote, or some bit of advice that you have given them. Well, same goes for me. I know God was up to something when he crossed our paths that very day- and- since you and I have the best fun with this site, I wanted you and all the readers to know how very much I love and treasure our friendship. You were with me when I caught my first fish even. We both love life- from picking corn, to lily pad gazing, to ice cold beer in the can right down to karaoke nights 7 nights a week.
You know who you are- UU. I hope God blesses us with 20 more years of beer drinking, friend choppin, and knee slappin laughter.
Confession #2030
The other morning, as we were getting out of bed, you knelt down in front of me. You held my feet in your hands and kissed my toes. You looked up at me and told me how much you love me. Those are the moments when I know that you are the right man for me, despite all the complications of our lives.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Shedding Light
You know, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by this place.
On days when I am tired, or hormonal or one of a billion other things, I get my panties in a bunch and think,
"ARGH! JUST PLAY NICE!"
... or when I get a nasty private email or comment or fight some real or imagined battle to defend this creation of mine, I think,
"ARGH! Why don't people GET it?"
and then sometimes, I get things which touch me. Deeply. In that last two weeks, I have gotten two private email/letters....and they have done just that.
I cannot express how your site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone in the world. I admire you so very much. Your intelligence and charisma show through in just your few posts that you give us! I love this site and you have NO idea how much you've changed me. You've made me giggle, cry, and commiserate with the other women.
My thank you's are NOT enough, but I hope you realize how much you've impacted my life. I wish we had MORE women like you!!
Thanks so much!
Rock on!
and this....
Hi Dawn,
This is not a confession as such but something I would like to share with your readers. It’s pretty long so edit it if you think it’s too long.
First up, I’m a husband and a dad who reads your site. So why am I posting ? I am posting to share with you how this site has changed my life. It’s a pretty long post so who want instant gratification may want to skip this one. This is just my experience and hopefully shows my gratitude to all those that have posted and commented.
I thought I had a pretty good life, married for nine years, 2 great kids, good job/income, nice home and friends, good sex life. I thought my wife was happy with her life too.
About 10 months ago I was surfing the net (probably looking for porn) and came across this site. Curious, I started to read the confessions from all the unhappy women and after a while something struck me. I was that guy that many you complain about.
I was selfish, I worked late, put my family priorities ahead of my wife’s, staying up late looking at porn, was lazy around the house and basically treat my wife like a cook, a maid, a babysitter. I never told her how beautiful she is, how I appreciate everything she does to keep the household running, asked how she felt and what she wanted from her life and basically if she is happy. We hardly had sex (maybe 10 times in a year since the birth of our second child) and it didn’t bother me.
I just assumed that she wanted to be a stay at home mother and because she is at home all day that she should look after the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, run errands, everything.
So after going through the confessions, I thought to myself, hang on, maybe she is not so happy, actually I think she has been telling me this but I have not been listening. We talked plenty before the kids arrived but not really since. Not blaming them, but I focused my home life on them rather than on her.
So I over the course of the next week, I stopped surfing for porn at night and actually sat down and talked to her. Guess what, she could have written half the confessions on the site word for word. She started by saying that though I was a good dad to the kids and a good provider, that was about it. She still loved me more than anything but it could not go on as it had been. Just about everything we talked about she had already been telling me, I just was not hearing it.
Turned out she did not want to be a SAHM all her life, once the kids were both at school she would like to return to work part time. She would like to go back to education to get a more satisfying job than before. It was not about money, it’s something that she wants to do for herself.
I listened to her about her views on my relationship with my family and ours friends which ended up with cancelling some stuff around holidays with them to spend more time on us. Once I explained to them why we cancelled every single one of them has been 110% supportive. In fact my parents told me that they had been concerned how much travelling we had been doing to see them and that we should have spent more time at home relaxing.
She was always aware of the porn and I have never hidden it from her. We sat down and went through it. Turned out she was bored with our sex life and wanted to try some different things and watching porn together has been one of those things. I still occasionally browse for it by myself which she knows but now it is never at the expense of spending time with the family now.
I have spoken to my work and basically stopped all overtime. I do have say that I am lucky that my work has a very generous work/life balance policy and they have also allowed me to work some flex time and this has allowed me to be at home by 4:30. Though my wife is a fantastic cook I do the cooking most nights, turned out I really like cooking and loved the time we spent together with her teaching me.
I have picked up a couple of other chores but she actually stops me doing all the ones that I could as just a few smalls changes have made a big difference to her. This has allowed her to relax in the evening and study again which has meant that when she comes to bed, she is not so tired any more. Not surprisingly I think we made love more times in one month then in the whole previous year combined.
I do have to say that of course she is not 100% happy, she still missing some romance and that is something that I am working on. There is still the snoring, dropping clothes around the house, blowing my nose in the shower and other things but we have the rest of our lives to work on these. She says the difference in the last year have felt like being married to a new man and all for the best. She no longer feels like a slave running the household but is now something she wants to do for us. She has really appreciated the effort I have made and in return I get extra favours from her including some in the bedroom.
I would like to think that my relationship and connection to my kids has also improved with the extra time I spend at home with them and with my wife and she says that she sees it in them when we play together and they way they talk about me when I am at work.
In fact I felt that this site has made such a difference to my life that I have passed the URL to all my friends and family.
Finally a plea to all those wives who had talked to their partners and not got through to them, please print this message out and show it to them. I urge their partners to read the confessions on the site, listen to your wife and take action. From my own experience my wife feels 100% happier for doing it and because she is happier, I have been happier.
Thanks Dawn, you have made a difference to least one wife with your site.
On days when I am tired, or hormonal or one of a billion other things, I get my panties in a bunch and think,
"ARGH! JUST PLAY NICE!"
... or when I get a nasty private email or comment or fight some real or imagined battle to defend this creation of mine, I think,
"ARGH! Why don't people GET it?"
and then sometimes, I get things which touch me. Deeply. In that last two weeks, I have gotten two private email/letters....and they have done just that.
I cannot express how your site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone in the world. I admire you so very much. Your intelligence and charisma show through in just your few posts that you give us! I love this site and you have NO idea how much you've changed me. You've made me giggle, cry, and commiserate with the other women.
My thank you's are NOT enough, but I hope you realize how much you've impacted my life. I wish we had MORE women like you!!
Thanks so much!
Rock on!
and this....
Hi Dawn,
This is not a confession as such but something I would like to share with your readers. It’s pretty long so edit it if you think it’s too long.
First up, I’m a husband and a dad who reads your site. So why am I posting ? I am posting to share with you how this site has changed my life. It’s a pretty long post so who want instant gratification may want to skip this one. This is just my experience and hopefully shows my gratitude to all those that have posted and commented.
I thought I had a pretty good life, married for nine years, 2 great kids, good job/income, nice home and friends, good sex life. I thought my wife was happy with her life too.
About 10 months ago I was surfing the net (probably looking for porn) and came across this site. Curious, I started to read the confessions from all the unhappy women and after a while something struck me. I was that guy that many you complain about.
I was selfish, I worked late, put my family priorities ahead of my wife’s, staying up late looking at porn, was lazy around the house and basically treat my wife like a cook, a maid, a babysitter. I never told her how beautiful she is, how I appreciate everything she does to keep the household running, asked how she felt and what she wanted from her life and basically if she is happy. We hardly had sex (maybe 10 times in a year since the birth of our second child) and it didn’t bother me.
I just assumed that she wanted to be a stay at home mother and because she is at home all day that she should look after the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, run errands, everything.
So after going through the confessions, I thought to myself, hang on, maybe she is not so happy, actually I think she has been telling me this but I have not been listening. We talked plenty before the kids arrived but not really since. Not blaming them, but I focused my home life on them rather than on her.
So I over the course of the next week, I stopped surfing for porn at night and actually sat down and talked to her. Guess what, she could have written half the confessions on the site word for word. She started by saying that though I was a good dad to the kids and a good provider, that was about it. She still loved me more than anything but it could not go on as it had been. Just about everything we talked about she had already been telling me, I just was not hearing it.
Turned out she did not want to be a SAHM all her life, once the kids were both at school she would like to return to work part time. She would like to go back to education to get a more satisfying job than before. It was not about money, it’s something that she wants to do for herself.
I listened to her about her views on my relationship with my family and ours friends which ended up with cancelling some stuff around holidays with them to spend more time on us. Once I explained to them why we cancelled every single one of them has been 110% supportive. In fact my parents told me that they had been concerned how much travelling we had been doing to see them and that we should have spent more time at home relaxing.
She was always aware of the porn and I have never hidden it from her. We sat down and went through it. Turned out she was bored with our sex life and wanted to try some different things and watching porn together has been one of those things. I still occasionally browse for it by myself which she knows but now it is never at the expense of spending time with the family now.
I have spoken to my work and basically stopped all overtime. I do have say that I am lucky that my work has a very generous work/life balance policy and they have also allowed me to work some flex time and this has allowed me to be at home by 4:30. Though my wife is a fantastic cook I do the cooking most nights, turned out I really like cooking and loved the time we spent together with her teaching me.
I have picked up a couple of other chores but she actually stops me doing all the ones that I could as just a few smalls changes have made a big difference to her. This has allowed her to relax in the evening and study again which has meant that when she comes to bed, she is not so tired any more. Not surprisingly I think we made love more times in one month then in the whole previous year combined.
I do have to say that of course she is not 100% happy, she still missing some romance and that is something that I am working on. There is still the snoring, dropping clothes around the house, blowing my nose in the shower and other things but we have the rest of our lives to work on these. She says the difference in the last year have felt like being married to a new man and all for the best. She no longer feels like a slave running the household but is now something she wants to do for us. She has really appreciated the effort I have made and in return I get extra favours from her including some in the bedroom.
I would like to think that my relationship and connection to my kids has also improved with the extra time I spend at home with them and with my wife and she says that she sees it in them when we play together and they way they talk about me when I am at work.
In fact I felt that this site has made such a difference to my life that I have passed the URL to all my friends and family.
Finally a plea to all those wives who had talked to their partners and not got through to them, please print this message out and show it to them. I urge their partners to read the confessions on the site, listen to your wife and take action. From my own experience my wife feels 100% happier for doing it and because she is happier, I have been happier.
Thanks Dawn, you have made a difference to least one wife with your site.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
True Wife Confessions 202 - the year Rome bans female gladiators
Confession #2011
You sorry ass son of a bitch. You cheated on me. Made me lose my business, have to sell my horse, move in with my parents in their dinky little 2 br trailer with my two boys. You defaulted on the student loans I cosigned for you, making it impossible for me to go back to school, get a car, rent a home, anything. But what did you care? You had your degree. You made threats against me to coerce me into taking back some of the criminal complaints I filed against you. My mom told me not to. But I was afraid of what you'd do if I didn't. You ignored our son, for years. And now? After 13 years of token child support, when it got raised to a real amount, you steal my child. You kidnap him, file for custody, lie to the courts, lie about me. You hacked my Yahoo profile and filled my blog with crap, then used it against me in court. And the judge believed you. Even though I could show where a long time ago I had notified Yahoo and my friends that my profile had been hacked and I couldn't get into it anymore. You got custody. I have to pay you child support. And then, as if your greed knows no bounds, you want to make sure my military disability check is included in my income. You kept your farm subsidy income out of the equation for your child support all those years. But you want a piece of my disability?
I WANT MY SON BACK!!!!!!!
Confession #2012
We have been together for a very long time. I firmly believe that you are the love of my life. I have never felt this way about anyone before. There is one problem.....you are legally, a married man. You never see her, she doesnt live in this county, and you only talk to her with regards to your child. She even knows about me. But i hate this. I hate this little piece of paper that says you are joined to someone else. And it infuriates me that you do not see my point. You tell me..."what is the big deal...Im with you! Everyone knows we are together...I dont see her/ talk to her....she isnt in this country". I know a divorce costs money, and i realize that it isnt that easy with an international marriage. But i NEED it. I need the validation of knowing that I am it. There is no one else. I want to be your wife. I want to have babies with my HUSBAND. Until this happens, I will feel a step below her. Always. She has something that i dont-a husband, my boyfriend! I dont care if feelings are gone between you. -You are mine, and I am yours. And I dont want someone else mixed in. It may only be a piece of paper to you, but to me, in a way, its like she still has you, in a way that i cannot.
I love you more than life itself, but i dont know how much longer I can ignore the big pink elephant.
Confession #2013
I love you so much, Baby. A lot has changed since this time last year. I was posting here about wanting to be with the man we swapped with again. God am I glad we're past that and back to each other. Yeah, it was fun, but it was definately a one time only thing, thank God. I'm so glad I didn't pursue it. I have you girls here to thank largely for that. Thanks for the straight up advice and non judgment. Thanks, Dawn.
Confession #2014
Last evening, my darling husband (of almost 20 years) told me that he 'loves the person that I am."
Wow ~ what a compliment. I just melted.
Confession #2015
My confession is this -
To my dearest husband, I do love you ,your a good man, Our sex life has been down for a while now and i know i have told you that i love your dick but I lied . Its too small i didn't feel like it would be an issue. In the begining we were soo in lust i just didn't care... I have been sleeping with the neighbour for the past month, im soo sorry He came over to help me with the Cable box and I couldn't help but notice in his sweat pants that he was huge...You came home from work early last week and when i came home you said you heard the neighbours having sex and the girl must of climaxed 5 times.... that was me... When you fucked me the other night and you said i felt different and I felt horrible, I can't get him out of my head. I make him wear condoms but they often break I'm worried now cause i am pregnant now but can't bring myself to tell you... i hate myself for doing this...i am going to have an abortion... cause i dont want to hurt you but i can't stop...
Please forgive me
Confession #2016
When you hold me and kiss me and whisper that you love me and everything will be all right? I love you more than I can ever express. You are the missing piece to my puzzle. Thank you my love.
Confession #2017
You are not husband nor were you really my boyfriend but I did really think you were someone I could talk to and that you really wanted to know me.
However, because you insisted that you were working and left right after we had sex even though we both know you could have stayed if you wanted to, and because that wasn't the first time it happened but the third;
because you rarely call me, and when you do it's from your work phone and never from your house-- that you have never invited me to which makes me think you are either hiding a girlfriend or bodies-- not even after you fuck-and-leave to say "hey that was fun..let's get together ______";
because you clearly don't think enough of me to make plans with me more than 3 days in advance even though you know my fucking schedule with the kids (who you have never asked to meet);
because even though you make me completely crazy whenever I see you and even now the thought of kissing you makes me lose my mind and want to see you again, the last time you left I felt like you should have left money on my dresser;
because of these things I broke up with you yesterday-- on work e-mail.
Confession #2018
You know - you could act vaguely excited when I talk about my day. I don't expect a circus of enthusiasm - but a little ANYTHING other than your disinterested silence would be nice.
Confession #2019
I am in love with a man who makes me light up on the inside. I wish he were my husband.
Confession #2020
I remember when we first started talking. There was an instant spark between us. It was a few months before the drama of your ex-wife started. You did all you could to stop the drama I got that came from her. You are the best guy in the world. I love you with all my heart. You are the only guy that has ever cared about me and for that I thank you.
There are times though (because of the situation we have. I can't say much right now) where you say things and make it out that you have the worst life in the world. I'm sorry but you don't. I may not be there with you yet but your life is not as bad as you make it out to be. You also say words to me that hurt. You say you are trying to get through to me but in reality your making things worse. It's the reason why I am not sure if I want to be with you. The things you say push me away and make me rethink what I really want. If that is what you are going for, it's working. At this point I feel like I should just move somewhere and not tell anyone.
I have told you all this but I still get the same shitty comments from you. You may say you love me but it does not feel that way.
I don't know what to do...
You sorry ass son of a bitch. You cheated on me. Made me lose my business, have to sell my horse, move in with my parents in their dinky little 2 br trailer with my two boys. You defaulted on the student loans I cosigned for you, making it impossible for me to go back to school, get a car, rent a home, anything. But what did you care? You had your degree. You made threats against me to coerce me into taking back some of the criminal complaints I filed against you. My mom told me not to. But I was afraid of what you'd do if I didn't. You ignored our son, for years. And now? After 13 years of token child support, when it got raised to a real amount, you steal my child. You kidnap him, file for custody, lie to the courts, lie about me. You hacked my Yahoo profile and filled my blog with crap, then used it against me in court. And the judge believed you. Even though I could show where a long time ago I had notified Yahoo and my friends that my profile had been hacked and I couldn't get into it anymore. You got custody. I have to pay you child support. And then, as if your greed knows no bounds, you want to make sure my military disability check is included in my income. You kept your farm subsidy income out of the equation for your child support all those years. But you want a piece of my disability?
I WANT MY SON BACK!!!!!!!
Confession #2012
We have been together for a very long time. I firmly believe that you are the love of my life. I have never felt this way about anyone before. There is one problem.....you are legally, a married man. You never see her, she doesnt live in this county, and you only talk to her with regards to your child. She even knows about me. But i hate this. I hate this little piece of paper that says you are joined to someone else. And it infuriates me that you do not see my point. You tell me..."what is the big deal...Im with you! Everyone knows we are together...I dont see her/ talk to her....she isnt in this country". I know a divorce costs money, and i realize that it isnt that easy with an international marriage. But i NEED it. I need the validation of knowing that I am it. There is no one else. I want to be your wife. I want to have babies with my HUSBAND. Until this happens, I will feel a step below her. Always. She has something that i dont-a husband, my boyfriend! I dont care if feelings are gone between you. -You are mine, and I am yours. And I dont want someone else mixed in. It may only be a piece of paper to you, but to me, in a way, its like she still has you, in a way that i cannot.
I love you more than life itself, but i dont know how much longer I can ignore the big pink elephant.
Confession #2013
I love you so much, Baby. A lot has changed since this time last year. I was posting here about wanting to be with the man we swapped with again. God am I glad we're past that and back to each other. Yeah, it was fun, but it was definately a one time only thing, thank God. I'm so glad I didn't pursue it. I have you girls here to thank largely for that. Thanks for the straight up advice and non judgment. Thanks, Dawn.
Confession #2014
Last evening, my darling husband (of almost 20 years) told me that he 'loves the person that I am."
Wow ~ what a compliment. I just melted.
Confession #2015
My confession is this -
To my dearest husband, I do love you ,your a good man, Our sex life has been down for a while now and i know i have told you that i love your dick but I lied . Its too small i didn't feel like it would be an issue. In the begining we were soo in lust i just didn't care... I have been sleeping with the neighbour for the past month, im soo sorry He came over to help me with the Cable box and I couldn't help but notice in his sweat pants that he was huge...You came home from work early last week and when i came home you said you heard the neighbours having sex and the girl must of climaxed 5 times.... that was me... When you fucked me the other night and you said i felt different and I felt horrible, I can't get him out of my head. I make him wear condoms but they often break I'm worried now cause i am pregnant now but can't bring myself to tell you... i hate myself for doing this...i am going to have an abortion... cause i dont want to hurt you but i can't stop...
Please forgive me
Confession #2016
When you hold me and kiss me and whisper that you love me and everything will be all right? I love you more than I can ever express. You are the missing piece to my puzzle. Thank you my love.
Confession #2017
You are not husband nor were you really my boyfriend but I did really think you were someone I could talk to and that you really wanted to know me.
However, because you insisted that you were working and left right after we had sex even though we both know you could have stayed if you wanted to, and because that wasn't the first time it happened but the third;
because you rarely call me, and when you do it's from your work phone and never from your house-- that you have never invited me to which makes me think you are either hiding a girlfriend or bodies-- not even after you fuck-and-leave to say "hey that was fun..let's get together ______";
because you clearly don't think enough of me to make plans with me more than 3 days in advance even though you know my fucking schedule with the kids (who you have never asked to meet);
because even though you make me completely crazy whenever I see you and even now the thought of kissing you makes me lose my mind and want to see you again, the last time you left I felt like you should have left money on my dresser;
because of these things I broke up with you yesterday-- on work e-mail.
Confession #2018
You know - you could act vaguely excited when I talk about my day. I don't expect a circus of enthusiasm - but a little ANYTHING other than your disinterested silence would be nice.
Confession #2019
I am in love with a man who makes me light up on the inside. I wish he were my husband.
Confession #2020
I remember when we first started talking. There was an instant spark between us. It was a few months before the drama of your ex-wife started. You did all you could to stop the drama I got that came from her. You are the best guy in the world. I love you with all my heart. You are the only guy that has ever cared about me and for that I thank you.
There are times though (because of the situation we have. I can't say much right now) where you say things and make it out that you have the worst life in the world. I'm sorry but you don't. I may not be there with you yet but your life is not as bad as you make it out to be. You also say words to me that hurt. You say you are trying to get through to me but in reality your making things worse. It's the reason why I am not sure if I want to be with you. The things you say push me away and make me rethink what I really want. If that is what you are going for, it's working. At this point I feel like I should just move somewhere and not tell anyone.
I have told you all this but I still get the same shitty comments from you. You may say you love me but it does not feel that way.
I don't know what to do...
Friday, August 10, 2007
True Wife Confession 201 stories of Anton Chekov
Confession #2001
August 1st would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. But I completely forgot about it until yesterday morning, a whole week later. I guess I really am over you!
Confession #2002
Baby,
Since we are talking about separating, I want you to know why. For years…I have been the major bread winner in our family. It is my job that has the insurance. It is my job that allows us to keep our house and our cars and food on our table. Yes. You do work. And oh so hard, too. I am not mocking you. You do work hard. But you work a job that is completely below your abilities. You have the same college degree that I have. You are actually smarter than I am…yet you continue to work at this job year after fucking year…with no further ambition. We talk about this. If this were your son, you wouldn't want this for him. Why do you want it for you? I am so tired of being the one to worry about money and my job. God forbid something happen to me, we are only a paycheck away from homeless. I am the man and the woman in our relationship and for so long it has been something that I have just accepted. I can't do it any more. We have been over this and over it. I say "I'm not happy." You do nothing. Thanks. That makes me feel great. Please, let me keep bringing in the $ and have you disregard my needs at the same time. Oh. Yeah. You keep getting pissed off because I don't want to have sex…and then think that you are doing me a big fucking favor by not asking me all the time to have sex. FUCK OFF. You are happy with the way things are. You are happy in our current house. I want bigger. I don't want a mansion or a $400k house. I just want something with a bigger yard. I thought that was something that we both wanted…yet it seems I am the only one bothered by the fact that we are going NO WHERE towards that goal. We both drive Saturns. How much longer are we going to be able to cram the big one into the back seat? He is almost as tall as I am. However, we can't do anything there, either. I tried to make myself happy with what we have. I tried to fix things and paint things and you know what? It was a band aid, but it didn't fix the main problem.
We are going to couple's therapy this week. Guess what? I am not too optimistic. I think that you have something going on…probably depression. But if you won't get it fixed, I can't stay. I can't imagine that you are going to be too likely to do anything about this, because if you stay true to your habits, you won't do anything, unless I initiate it. The big problem I have is our kids. And really? Only the big one. He is going to be crushed. He is so damn sensitive and this will kill him. I only hope that when and if we do separate, that we can do it reasonably, and adult like. I don't hate you. That is the worst part. I just need more and you are not giving it to me. I know that your parents will be upset. I know that they will probably hate me. I am sure that my family will be disappointed as well. I just can't live my life worrying about what other people think, anymore. I want someone who is happy and full of life. You just sit there and watch life pass us by. If I had never planned our vacations, I doubt we would ever have gone anywhere.
I don't know what to do. Even this week…after we have talked about separating, hard core talking, I come home from work…to find the bed unmade.(really? Unmade.) clothes on the floor, trash needing to go out, and the cherry on top? UNDERWEAR behind the bathroom door. Do you know that when I cleaned the bathroom on Sunday, the only thing behind the door was your socks and UNDERWEAR. And…now it is only MONDAY…and already there is a new pair back there? I don't understand. I am NOT THE FUCKING MAID. How can we teach our kids to clean up after themselves, when YOU don't even do it. How do you think that the underwear get clean? Do they WALK to the washer? No. They don't. Oh. I know, you do laundry. How many times have I asked you to fold and put away what you do? More than a million? Yet, it still doesn't sink in. Instead, you wash and leave the clean/dry laundry in a basket to get wrinkled. I LOVE that. I really do.
It is about a million little things...and a few hundred big things...all rolled into one big emotional mess. I do hope that w hen this is all over…that we can be civil, maybe even friends. I just need more right now.
Love,
Me
Confession #2003
Right after we got married, I wanted to divorce you. Thats how hurt I was by your actions. When I found the emails, that were sent back and forth between you two, I was disgusted, I wanted to kill you then kill myself for loving a liar. You were unapologetic, cold, and mean. I even went to see a lawyer (that you still dont know about) two weeks went by, and you finally apologized. It wasn't one of those "im sorry" and thats the end of it. Not only did you apologize, you wrote me a love letter, bought me white roses, and painted my toe nails, while I was sleeping. Which I thought was the most romantic thing you could ever do. A whole 2 months went by of me sleeping in our daughters room, before I would forgive you. When I forgave you, you cried. You told me how much you loved me, and that you would never do it again. Its been almost 2 years. And once a week, you buy me roses, write me a love letter, and paint my toenails, while im sleeping. I love you so much, you're a great father, a great husband and theres something you should know. Im pregnant! I can't tell you now because your birthday is next week, and thats my present to you. I know you'll love it
Confession #2004
You have hurt me in ways you can never imagine. You insist you want me to be happy, but you just continue with your silence. You’re home, but I feel so alone. I miss you more now than I ever did while you were deployed.
I know the war did this to you. I know we need to work through it. I know you’re still in there somewhere.
Sometimes, I feel so selfish, but I just don’t want to go through this again. We worked through this once before. I saw the signs this time. I begged you to get help. You not only refused, but hurt me so very deeply when you did.
So yeah, in some ways, I blame it on you this time. Yeah, I really shouldn’t, but you know you don’t feel right, yet you won’t get help. You make us all suffer rather than talk to someone. I can’t understand that. I don’t know if I can forgive that.
I made an appointment for us to see a therapist together. I pray this works. I pray you’re willing to put in the effort.
Through it all, I’ve wondered about leaving. I’ve wondered if I should just look for an affair. The attention is promising. I miss that so much. I cry myself to sleep because I feel ugly, alone and unloved. But the truth is, I want YOUR attention. I love you so much and I can’t imagine hurting you that way. I don’t want attention from some random man. I want to know YOU love me. I want to know YOU find me attractive. I want to know YOU still love me. I can’t leave you now. I know you need me even if you push me away. I can’t leave you to deal with this alone. I just wish I knew you felt the same way about me.
I’ve talked about leaving, but the truth is I can’t do that. I love you so much and even though you have hurt me worse than anyone ever has, I know you’re still in there somewhere. There’s so much I want to do for you, but I can’t. This isn’t my fight. You need to do this. I want to be there beside you, but I honestly don’t know if you’re willing to try.
I love you. I miss you. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to forgive you.
I so desperately want to try. Do you?
Confession #2005
I love you so much and I don't want to lose you. You keep saying that it isn't fair that I have to deal with this crap from your ex-wife but because I love you I am not going anywhere.
I hate the fact that now you are happy and in love, she "needs" you. BULLSHIT! She doesn't need you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. If we were to break up so you could go back to her, within 3 months she will get rid of you again. I wish you could see this. You have told me how your marriage with her was, and I can totally relate..my marriage was the same way. IT IS WHY WE ARE DIVORCED! Anyone who can blow through over $50,000 in a year doesn't deserve someone as caring and wonderful as you, especially when that money was for college for the girls. How can you not be totally livid over it?? I am and really it doesn't concern me. Yes I am worried about you, and I care about your daughters and their college education. I don't want anything to keep these very bright girls from doing what they want to do.
I'm sorry but no relationship when two people are together for almost 10 years and separate 6 times is healthy. You have said that, I wish you would remember. I'm sorry that people are trying to tell you who to choose- and I'm sorry that your parents have picked me. But I don't blame them..why would they want you back with someone who treats you like shit and cheated on you?
I just wish I could say this to you..but I'm so scared; I don't want to lose you. You are the best thing that has happened to me except for my kids.
Confession #2006
My husband always finishes during sex before me. He tries to pretend
he didn't and tries to keep going. I bust him every time. Last
night he kept going and it hurt. He was limp! Like a fucking
noodle! And I guess the squishyness of it caused it to hurt me. I
told him to "stop. You're finished" and he replied that he couldn't
help it. I can get over the "quickness" of it all, sometimes, but
the faking it pisses me off. He tries to hide the fact that he is
finished by continuing to push. He knows I know, so who the fuck
does he think he is fooling? Does he think if he lasts another
minute that I will be impressed? Or does he think that he will give
me pleasure with his limp noodle? NO THANK YOU! He got all pissy
because I told him it hurt and that he was only kidding himself if he
thought he could keep going. Why can't he make the best of the two
minutes he actually lasts instead of trying to pretend it's not
coming? He said he didn't know it was hurting me. Here's a tip you
mental midget... WHEN I SAY OWWW- IT HURTS!!!
Confession #2007
I love you and always will. I have always, I have always supported your career and decisions you have made. This time I can't, and I wont. I know you have to go back to Iraq and I resent the decision you made about going back, you didn't even take into consideration what your decision would do to me. All you are thinking about is your career.
If you go back I think I may cheat, actually I know I will. It was really hard not to last time.
Confession #2008
Most of the time you are so sweet to me, but sometimes you are a giant ass. When you are sweet, you do all kinds of things for me, let me know by your actions that you love me and want me to be happy. But when you are being an ass, you really baffle me. You act like you are supreme high ruler and what you say goes and I am just a silly little girl for thinking otherwise. Then, when I let you know that you are being an ass, you automatically stop talking to me. What the hell? How can conflict get resolved if we don’t discuss the issues?? Talk to me, DAMN IT!
One more thing, three years together is too soon for our sex life to be this dead. What is up with that?
Confession #2009
Last night, I was so pissed at you that I wanted nothing more than to kick you out of bed and make you go sleep somewhere else. But I knew your only other option was the couch in the room where you killed that giant spider the other night. I know you’re terrified of spiders, so I couldn’t do that to you. There were moments it seemed very promising, but I just couldn’t do that.
When I realized you probably wouldn’t do the same for me, I cried even harder. You just kept sleeping and didn’t even notice.
Confession #2010
When we met it was electric and fascinating as most new loves are. I saw a few yellow flags. Whenever we kissed long and deep his leg would tremble. He didn't like spooning, in fact, preferred that I not touch him once we were actually trying to sleep because it kept him awake. Little things add up over months. In the throes of new love, I dismissed the yellow flags because they weren't RED, glaring or frightening. There was a comment he made once about how he couldn't keep up with my ever-present sex drive.
I am no nymphomaniac. I was in 'new' love and I LOVE that feeling...it's all about the romance, the passion, the butterflies and I love it like any Life Junky would...it's a free high that beats most I have had.
But as time went on he kissed less, used a lot less foreplay in our sex life, well, let's just say intimacy doesn't come natural to him. No foot rubs, back rubs, footsie under the table, tickle fests, nope. That is not his style. I grew more accustomed to it, but inside I wondered...is this all there is?
I finally asked him and he gave me a litany of excuses that seemed plausible at first. The ex-wife had not wanted him to touch her for years...he was programmed out of intimacy.
He didn't like to spoon because he has chronic insomnia and if he can actually fall asleep the slightest movement might wake him and he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.
He never could give me a clear answer about why he didn't like to french kiss, but I eventually quit trying to change him. Once in a while he gets tipsy enough to slip me the tongue and I can pretend that he enjoys it.
And for almost 10 years I have hugged him. I give him a peck on the lips and wish he wanted to hold me or longed to run his fingers through my hair...
Did I mention he HATES it when I touch his hair, his feet, the backs of his legs? He shudders, jumps or verbally reprimands me if I accidentally attempt it for the 3rd, 7th, or 49th time.
I keep wondering how many people live this way?
He is a great provider, a reasonable partner who does his share around the house and definitely takes an active role with the kids. He works hard, we have great vacations together.
He occasionally reaches over and pats my hand or even holds it for a few minutes in the car. He rarely initiates a hug, but he will reciprocate it if I ask.
He LOVES sex with me. Day, night, tipsy or sober, seems fine to roll around and poke, prod, lick, diddle...
but it's getting harder for me to get very excited about it. After 10 years of diminishing intimacy, I have become the one that pushes him away. I don't want him to flop around in the bed and get his jollies and then head the other direction until the next "session."
I used to hope he would change. Now I just resign myself to the fact that this is him. Take it or leave it, (I almost left a year ago...) I decided to take it. I think he still thinks I am excessively needy...I am not sure anymore what is excessive, my desire to be held and cuddled or his desire for physical space.
Is this what marriage is?
August 1st would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. But I completely forgot about it until yesterday morning, a whole week later. I guess I really am over you!
Confession #2002
Baby,
Since we are talking about separating, I want you to know why. For years…I have been the major bread winner in our family. It is my job that has the insurance. It is my job that allows us to keep our house and our cars and food on our table. Yes. You do work. And oh so hard, too. I am not mocking you. You do work hard. But you work a job that is completely below your abilities. You have the same college degree that I have. You are actually smarter than I am…yet you continue to work at this job year after fucking year…with no further ambition. We talk about this. If this were your son, you wouldn't want this for him. Why do you want it for you? I am so tired of being the one to worry about money and my job. God forbid something happen to me, we are only a paycheck away from homeless. I am the man and the woman in our relationship and for so long it has been something that I have just accepted. I can't do it any more. We have been over this and over it. I say "I'm not happy." You do nothing. Thanks. That makes me feel great. Please, let me keep bringing in the $ and have you disregard my needs at the same time. Oh. Yeah. You keep getting pissed off because I don't want to have sex…and then think that you are doing me a big fucking favor by not asking me all the time to have sex. FUCK OFF. You are happy with the way things are. You are happy in our current house. I want bigger. I don't want a mansion or a $400k house. I just want something with a bigger yard. I thought that was something that we both wanted…yet it seems I am the only one bothered by the fact that we are going NO WHERE towards that goal. We both drive Saturns. How much longer are we going to be able to cram the big one into the back seat? He is almost as tall as I am. However, we can't do anything there, either. I tried to make myself happy with what we have. I tried to fix things and paint things and you know what? It was a band aid, but it didn't fix the main problem.
We are going to couple's therapy this week. Guess what? I am not too optimistic. I think that you have something going on…probably depression. But if you won't get it fixed, I can't stay. I can't imagine that you are going to be too likely to do anything about this, because if you stay true to your habits, you won't do anything, unless I initiate it. The big problem I have is our kids. And really? Only the big one. He is going to be crushed. He is so damn sensitive and this will kill him. I only hope that when and if we do separate, that we can do it reasonably, and adult like. I don't hate you. That is the worst part. I just need more and you are not giving it to me. I know that your parents will be upset. I know that they will probably hate me. I am sure that my family will be disappointed as well. I just can't live my life worrying about what other people think, anymore. I want someone who is happy and full of life. You just sit there and watch life pass us by. If I had never planned our vacations, I doubt we would ever have gone anywhere.
I don't know what to do. Even this week…after we have talked about separating, hard core talking, I come home from work…to find the bed unmade.(really? Unmade.) clothes on the floor, trash needing to go out, and the cherry on top? UNDERWEAR behind the bathroom door. Do you know that when I cleaned the bathroom on Sunday, the only thing behind the door was your socks and UNDERWEAR. And…now it is only MONDAY…and already there is a new pair back there? I don't understand. I am NOT THE FUCKING MAID. How can we teach our kids to clean up after themselves, when YOU don't even do it. How do you think that the underwear get clean? Do they WALK to the washer? No. They don't. Oh. I know, you do laundry. How many times have I asked you to fold and put away what you do? More than a million? Yet, it still doesn't sink in. Instead, you wash and leave the clean/dry laundry in a basket to get wrinkled. I LOVE that. I really do.
It is about a million little things...and a few hundred big things...all rolled into one big emotional mess. I do hope that w hen this is all over…that we can be civil, maybe even friends. I just need more right now.
Love,
Me
Confession #2003
Right after we got married, I wanted to divorce you. Thats how hurt I was by your actions. When I found the emails, that were sent back and forth between you two, I was disgusted, I wanted to kill you then kill myself for loving a liar. You were unapologetic, cold, and mean. I even went to see a lawyer (that you still dont know about) two weeks went by, and you finally apologized. It wasn't one of those "im sorry" and thats the end of it. Not only did you apologize, you wrote me a love letter, bought me white roses, and painted my toe nails, while I was sleeping. Which I thought was the most romantic thing you could ever do. A whole 2 months went by of me sleeping in our daughters room, before I would forgive you. When I forgave you, you cried. You told me how much you loved me, and that you would never do it again. Its been almost 2 years. And once a week, you buy me roses, write me a love letter, and paint my toenails, while im sleeping. I love you so much, you're a great father, a great husband and theres something you should know. Im pregnant! I can't tell you now because your birthday is next week, and thats my present to you. I know you'll love it
Confession #2004
You have hurt me in ways you can never imagine. You insist you want me to be happy, but you just continue with your silence. You’re home, but I feel so alone. I miss you more now than I ever did while you were deployed.
I know the war did this to you. I know we need to work through it. I know you’re still in there somewhere.
Sometimes, I feel so selfish, but I just don’t want to go through this again. We worked through this once before. I saw the signs this time. I begged you to get help. You not only refused, but hurt me so very deeply when you did.
So yeah, in some ways, I blame it on you this time. Yeah, I really shouldn’t, but you know you don’t feel right, yet you won’t get help. You make us all suffer rather than talk to someone. I can’t understand that. I don’t know if I can forgive that.
I made an appointment for us to see a therapist together. I pray this works. I pray you’re willing to put in the effort.
Through it all, I’ve wondered about leaving. I’ve wondered if I should just look for an affair. The attention is promising. I miss that so much. I cry myself to sleep because I feel ugly, alone and unloved. But the truth is, I want YOUR attention. I love you so much and I can’t imagine hurting you that way. I don’t want attention from some random man. I want to know YOU love me. I want to know YOU find me attractive. I want to know YOU still love me. I can’t leave you now. I know you need me even if you push me away. I can’t leave you to deal with this alone. I just wish I knew you felt the same way about me.
I’ve talked about leaving, but the truth is I can’t do that. I love you so much and even though you have hurt me worse than anyone ever has, I know you’re still in there somewhere. There’s so much I want to do for you, but I can’t. This isn’t my fight. You need to do this. I want to be there beside you, but I honestly don’t know if you’re willing to try.
I love you. I miss you. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to forgive you.
I so desperately want to try. Do you?
Confession #2005
I love you so much and I don't want to lose you. You keep saying that it isn't fair that I have to deal with this crap from your ex-wife but because I love you I am not going anywhere.
I hate the fact that now you are happy and in love, she "needs" you. BULLSHIT! She doesn't need you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. If we were to break up so you could go back to her, within 3 months she will get rid of you again. I wish you could see this. You have told me how your marriage with her was, and I can totally relate..my marriage was the same way. IT IS WHY WE ARE DIVORCED! Anyone who can blow through over $50,000 in a year doesn't deserve someone as caring and wonderful as you, especially when that money was for college for the girls. How can you not be totally livid over it?? I am and really it doesn't concern me. Yes I am worried about you, and I care about your daughters and their college education. I don't want anything to keep these very bright girls from doing what they want to do.
I'm sorry but no relationship when two people are together for almost 10 years and separate 6 times is healthy. You have said that, I wish you would remember. I'm sorry that people are trying to tell you who to choose- and I'm sorry that your parents have picked me. But I don't blame them..why would they want you back with someone who treats you like shit and cheated on you?
I just wish I could say this to you..but I'm so scared; I don't want to lose you. You are the best thing that has happened to me except for my kids.
Confession #2006
My husband always finishes during sex before me. He tries to pretend
he didn't and tries to keep going. I bust him every time. Last
night he kept going and it hurt. He was limp! Like a fucking
noodle! And I guess the squishyness of it caused it to hurt me. I
told him to "stop. You're finished" and he replied that he couldn't
help it. I can get over the "quickness" of it all, sometimes, but
the faking it pisses me off. He tries to hide the fact that he is
finished by continuing to push. He knows I know, so who the fuck
does he think he is fooling? Does he think if he lasts another
minute that I will be impressed? Or does he think that he will give
me pleasure with his limp noodle? NO THANK YOU! He got all pissy
because I told him it hurt and that he was only kidding himself if he
thought he could keep going. Why can't he make the best of the two
minutes he actually lasts instead of trying to pretend it's not
coming? He said he didn't know it was hurting me. Here's a tip you
mental midget... WHEN I SAY OWWW- IT HURTS!!!
Confession #2007
I love you and always will. I have always, I have always supported your career and decisions you have made. This time I can't, and I wont. I know you have to go back to Iraq and I resent the decision you made about going back, you didn't even take into consideration what your decision would do to me. All you are thinking about is your career.
If you go back I think I may cheat, actually I know I will. It was really hard not to last time.
Confession #2008
Most of the time you are so sweet to me, but sometimes you are a giant ass. When you are sweet, you do all kinds of things for me, let me know by your actions that you love me and want me to be happy. But when you are being an ass, you really baffle me. You act like you are supreme high ruler and what you say goes and I am just a silly little girl for thinking otherwise. Then, when I let you know that you are being an ass, you automatically stop talking to me. What the hell? How can conflict get resolved if we don’t discuss the issues?? Talk to me, DAMN IT!
One more thing, three years together is too soon for our sex life to be this dead. What is up with that?
Confession #2009
Last night, I was so pissed at you that I wanted nothing more than to kick you out of bed and make you go sleep somewhere else. But I knew your only other option was the couch in the room where you killed that giant spider the other night. I know you’re terrified of spiders, so I couldn’t do that to you. There were moments it seemed very promising, but I just couldn’t do that.
When I realized you probably wouldn’t do the same for me, I cried even harder. You just kept sleeping and didn’t even notice.
Confession #2010
When we met it was electric and fascinating as most new loves are. I saw a few yellow flags. Whenever we kissed long and deep his leg would tremble. He didn't like spooning, in fact, preferred that I not touch him once we were actually trying to sleep because it kept him awake. Little things add up over months. In the throes of new love, I dismissed the yellow flags because they weren't RED, glaring or frightening. There was a comment he made once about how he couldn't keep up with my ever-present sex drive.
I am no nymphomaniac. I was in 'new' love and I LOVE that feeling...it's all about the romance, the passion, the butterflies and I love it like any Life Junky would...it's a free high that beats most I have had.
But as time went on he kissed less, used a lot less foreplay in our sex life, well, let's just say intimacy doesn't come natural to him. No foot rubs, back rubs, footsie under the table, tickle fests, nope. That is not his style. I grew more accustomed to it, but inside I wondered...is this all there is?
I finally asked him and he gave me a litany of excuses that seemed plausible at first. The ex-wife had not wanted him to touch her for years...he was programmed out of intimacy.
He didn't like to spoon because he has chronic insomnia and if he can actually fall asleep the slightest movement might wake him and he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.
He never could give me a clear answer about why he didn't like to french kiss, but I eventually quit trying to change him. Once in a while he gets tipsy enough to slip me the tongue and I can pretend that he enjoys it.
And for almost 10 years I have hugged him. I give him a peck on the lips and wish he wanted to hold me or longed to run his fingers through my hair...
Did I mention he HATES it when I touch his hair, his feet, the backs of his legs? He shudders, jumps or verbally reprimands me if I accidentally attempt it for the 3rd, 7th, or 49th time.
I keep wondering how many people live this way?
He is a great provider, a reasonable partner who does his share around the house and definitely takes an active role with the kids. He works hard, we have great vacations together.
He occasionally reaches over and pats my hand or even holds it for a few minutes in the car. He rarely initiates a hug, but he will reciprocate it if I ask.
He LOVES sex with me. Day, night, tipsy or sober, seems fine to roll around and poke, prod, lick, diddle...
but it's getting harder for me to get very excited about it. After 10 years of diminishing intimacy, I have become the one that pushes him away. I don't want him to flop around in the bed and get his jollies and then head the other direction until the next "session."
I used to hope he would change. Now I just resign myself to the fact that this is him. Take it or leave it, (I almost left a year ago...) I decided to take it. I think he still thinks I am excessively needy...I am not sure anymore what is excessive, my desire to be held and cuddled or his desire for physical space.
Is this what marriage is?
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
True Wife Confession 200 dollars for passing "Go"
Confession #1991
I haven't stopped loving you.
Yet.
At least I think there's still some hope...
but I can't keep living like this.
I don't think I could ever find someone else who accepts me so completely
and loves me--all my many faults and all--the way you do
without ever asking me to change a single thing.
But I'm tired of being alone so much.
I know it's because of your job, and I know that's why you're so tired when you are home with us.
But there's no fun in our lives anymore, and you leave so much of the burden of the kids and the household on my shoulders.
Yes, you acknowledge me and thank me for it,
but I don't do it to exalt myself. I do it because it has to be done, and you aren't going to do it.
You've become so lazy, so ineffectual. It's like you've lost a large part of yourself somewhere and have no inclination to try to get it back.
So, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore.
I started seeing someone. It started innocently enough.
I don't love him, but I let myself pretend I do because it feels good.
Mostly, I just love the way he makes me feel. I don't want a life with him.
He isn't patient and giving the way you are.
He isn't as selfless as you can be sometimes.
He's not nearly as handsome as you are, and he isn't as professionally successful as you.
He isn't as smart as you, and not nearly as funny.
But I want a life where I feel the way he makes me feel.
He's an amazing lover,
and he knows how to touch me in a way that you have never learned. (No matter how many times I have tried to tell you and show you.)
What you do makes me uncomfortable and doesn't feel good. But you still do it, and act surprised and hurt when I try to explain it to you. It's been 10 years, and you still keep doing the same old things that I hate. You don't get it, and you don't even try...
I've been kind about it...I've been gentle...so I really don't understand.
But he gets it. And he's so good.
And he loves spending time with me and wants to be with me,
in the way you only talk about anymore.
I know you love me still. Why can't you show me that anymore? Where did you go?
Until you return, I'm going to continue with him. I really hope no one gets hurt. I just need more than you are willing to provide and I have to find it somehow. Otherwise, I probably will stop loving you altogether.
Confession #1992
My Husband went to jail this morning for domestically abusing me. I refused to press charges, but in this state, you call the police, they come and someone gets arrested. Part of me is relieved, because now maybe he'll think about the situation, and get some help. Part of me is ashamed, because now our neighbors know. People will know!
I feel like one of those woman on television. The ones I used to shake my head at, and wonder why they didn't just fucking leave. Now I know, Leaving just isn't fucking easy, that's why.
I love him, I don't love the part of him that hits me, but I still love him. Please pray with me that he gets the help he needs to become a better partner.
Confession #1993
I am getting more and more depressed living with you. You are a condescending, patronizing ass to me most of the time, and then you wonder wonder wonder why I never want to have sex with you. And why are you erasing the history on the computer, asshole? Don't think I won't find out why.
Confession #1994
We broke up nearly 3 years ago... just because we're still in the same neighborhood and work in the same business complex does not mean we'll be "carpool buddies" for ever.
I'm so tired of being your +1 to every fucking event just because you need a ride. People STILL think we're together, they ask when we're getting married, they wonder why we're not more affectionate.
When your mother had a stroke, and I wasn't the one to immediately offer to rush you 3 hours away to be at her side, you had the nerve to give me a guilt trip about it. Then you tell me how your mom, father, brother, grandparents... they still think I'm your girlfriend... the fact that you showed up with your ex-wife caused a huge up-roar in your home town and I'm supposed to be concerned?
The day you looked me in the face, holding my hands, and admitted you weren't over her... that I was your best friend, but you didn't think about me "like that"... you lost out... yes I still worry and I am concerned... but guess what... it's not my problem... it's no longer my duty to take care of you, your son, or any of your family's feeling's, thought's or emotions.
Since we've broken up, we've done Weddings, Funerals, Retirement Parties, Baby Showers & Graduations... but I can almost guarantee... if your car was running, I wouldn't have been invited to any of these events...
Yes... our break up was not a train wreck, and I understand why we're not together.... but how are either of us going to move on if the entire world thinks were a couple?
Fix your damn car...
Confession #1995
ive got this feeling that you have someone else. . .i know i shouldnt be feeling this way since the reason why you left the country was to have a better job so our child and i will have a comfortable life. . . but then every time i put down the phone i realized you havent said i love you back. . . maybe you where just in a hurry . .i love you. . . i can live without you. . . but i can't deal with it yet.
Confession #1996
OK... been married, have 2 beautiful kids, now divorced (around 9 years),
and feelilng stuck.
Part of me is really happy to be on my own. I make a good living, but spend
too much money. I'm getting a handle on that, but other than that,
everything is good. I get along famously with the ex and his wife, the kids
are healthy and doing well, but dammit, JM... you really fucked me up in the
head about how I feel about myself.
I don't dare tell anyone about the married man I've had an affair with for
the past 8 years. It's not even like I see a lot of him... numbers don't
matter here... it's so wrong and I hate myself for it.
I also don't dare tell anyone about the married man in Texas. We've never
met, but there's been phone sex and probably about $200 in miscellaneous
cash and gifts this year alone! Shit... wait... there was a $150 necklace
that I returned to Wal-Mart, so make that $350 in gifts.
I want to kick both of these married men to the curb. Sex is great with the
first married guy. Holy shit it is awesome! But Texas guy sends presents.
I hate you JM. So glad we're not married anymore... but I still hate you.
I hate the married guy I fuck, and I hate the Texas guy for wanting to fuck
me. In all three situations, it is clear that I have no self-respect.
I've rebuilt my life after the divorce; how do I find my confidence?
Confession #1997
I know you know. I went to a lawyer and I am just waiting for the bomb to drop before I leave. I gave him the down payment and told him how nice you have been to me. I'm going to go with the flow until the next time (there ALWAYS is). Your a good guy when you want to be. I just don't want to be your b~tch anymore.
I'm a whore for 2000.00$ a week.
I hope you play nice in the end for our kids sake.
Confession #1998
I am so freakin tired of you treating me like the babysitter. I don't care that you go and do things on occassion but damn it would be nice if you'd ask first if we had plans or if I minded. After all I am staying home with OUR kids!!! They aren't just mine. I don't care that I am a stay at home mom you still need to show me some respect. And guess what buddy you aren't and haven't for a long time I am fucking tired of it and fucking tired of you. I only stay with you because I still have kids not in school full time. Mark my words tho... If you don't start getting better in alot of ways I WILL be leaving you as soon as that happens.
Confession #1999
This morning before you left for work, you woke me up to check on my hives. You even put calamine lotion on me. You are so sweet. This is just another of the many reasons why I love you.
Confession #2000
The other day you told me that you regretted ever marrying me. I finally realized that I will never be good enough for you. I gave you all of me and you broke my heart.
I haven't stopped loving you.
Yet.
At least I think there's still some hope...
but I can't keep living like this.
I don't think I could ever find someone else who accepts me so completely
and loves me--all my many faults and all--the way you do
without ever asking me to change a single thing.
But I'm tired of being alone so much.
I know it's because of your job, and I know that's why you're so tired when you are home with us.
But there's no fun in our lives anymore, and you leave so much of the burden of the kids and the household on my shoulders.
Yes, you acknowledge me and thank me for it,
but I don't do it to exalt myself. I do it because it has to be done, and you aren't going to do it.
You've become so lazy, so ineffectual. It's like you've lost a large part of yourself somewhere and have no inclination to try to get it back.
So, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore.
I started seeing someone. It started innocently enough.
I don't love him, but I let myself pretend I do because it feels good.
Mostly, I just love the way he makes me feel. I don't want a life with him.
He isn't patient and giving the way you are.
He isn't as selfless as you can be sometimes.
He's not nearly as handsome as you are, and he isn't as professionally successful as you.
He isn't as smart as you, and not nearly as funny.
But I want a life where I feel the way he makes me feel.
He's an amazing lover,
and he knows how to touch me in a way that you have never learned. (No matter how many times I have tried to tell you and show you.)
What you do makes me uncomfortable and doesn't feel good. But you still do it, and act surprised and hurt when I try to explain it to you. It's been 10 years, and you still keep doing the same old things that I hate. You don't get it, and you don't even try...
I've been kind about it...I've been gentle...so I really don't understand.
But he gets it. And he's so good.
And he loves spending time with me and wants to be with me,
in the way you only talk about anymore.
I know you love me still. Why can't you show me that anymore? Where did you go?
Until you return, I'm going to continue with him. I really hope no one gets hurt. I just need more than you are willing to provide and I have to find it somehow. Otherwise, I probably will stop loving you altogether.
Confession #1992
My Husband went to jail this morning for domestically abusing me. I refused to press charges, but in this state, you call the police, they come and someone gets arrested. Part of me is relieved, because now maybe he'll think about the situation, and get some help. Part of me is ashamed, because now our neighbors know. People will know!
I feel like one of those woman on television. The ones I used to shake my head at, and wonder why they didn't just fucking leave. Now I know, Leaving just isn't fucking easy, that's why.
I love him, I don't love the part of him that hits me, but I still love him. Please pray with me that he gets the help he needs to become a better partner.
Confession #1993
I am getting more and more depressed living with you. You are a condescending, patronizing ass to me most of the time, and then you wonder wonder wonder why I never want to have sex with you. And why are you erasing the history on the computer, asshole? Don't think I won't find out why.
Confession #1994
We broke up nearly 3 years ago... just because we're still in the same neighborhood and work in the same business complex does not mean we'll be "carpool buddies" for ever.
I'm so tired of being your +1 to every fucking event just because you need a ride. People STILL think we're together, they ask when we're getting married, they wonder why we're not more affectionate.
When your mother had a stroke, and I wasn't the one to immediately offer to rush you 3 hours away to be at her side, you had the nerve to give me a guilt trip about it. Then you tell me how your mom, father, brother, grandparents... they still think I'm your girlfriend... the fact that you showed up with your ex-wife caused a huge up-roar in your home town and I'm supposed to be concerned?
The day you looked me in the face, holding my hands, and admitted you weren't over her... that I was your best friend, but you didn't think about me "like that"... you lost out... yes I still worry and I am concerned... but guess what... it's not my problem... it's no longer my duty to take care of you, your son, or any of your family's feeling's, thought's or emotions.
Since we've broken up, we've done Weddings, Funerals, Retirement Parties, Baby Showers & Graduations... but I can almost guarantee... if your car was running, I wouldn't have been invited to any of these events...
Yes... our break up was not a train wreck, and I understand why we're not together.... but how are either of us going to move on if the entire world thinks were a couple?
Fix your damn car...
Confession #1995
ive got this feeling that you have someone else. . .i know i shouldnt be feeling this way since the reason why you left the country was to have a better job so our child and i will have a comfortable life. . . but then every time i put down the phone i realized you havent said i love you back. . . maybe you where just in a hurry . .i love you. . . i can live without you. . . but i can't deal with it yet.
Confession #1996
OK... been married, have 2 beautiful kids, now divorced (around 9 years),
and feelilng stuck.
Part of me is really happy to be on my own. I make a good living, but spend
too much money. I'm getting a handle on that, but other than that,
everything is good. I get along famously with the ex and his wife, the kids
are healthy and doing well, but dammit, JM... you really fucked me up in the
head about how I feel about myself.
I don't dare tell anyone about the married man I've had an affair with for
the past 8 years. It's not even like I see a lot of him... numbers don't
matter here... it's so wrong and I hate myself for it.
I also don't dare tell anyone about the married man in Texas. We've never
met, but there's been phone sex and probably about $200 in miscellaneous
cash and gifts this year alone! Shit... wait... there was a $150 necklace
that I returned to Wal-Mart, so make that $350 in gifts.
I want to kick both of these married men to the curb. Sex is great with the
first married guy. Holy shit it is awesome! But Texas guy sends presents.
I hate you JM. So glad we're not married anymore... but I still hate you.
I hate the married guy I fuck, and I hate the Texas guy for wanting to fuck
me. In all three situations, it is clear that I have no self-respect.
I've rebuilt my life after the divorce; how do I find my confidence?
Confession #1997
I know you know. I went to a lawyer and I am just waiting for the bomb to drop before I leave. I gave him the down payment and told him how nice you have been to me. I'm going to go with the flow until the next time (there ALWAYS is). Your a good guy when you want to be. I just don't want to be your b~tch anymore.
I'm a whore for 2000.00$ a week.
I hope you play nice in the end for our kids sake.
Confession #1998
I am so freakin tired of you treating me like the babysitter. I don't care that you go and do things on occassion but damn it would be nice if you'd ask first if we had plans or if I minded. After all I am staying home with OUR kids!!! They aren't just mine. I don't care that I am a stay at home mom you still need to show me some respect. And guess what buddy you aren't and haven't for a long time I am fucking tired of it and fucking tired of you. I only stay with you because I still have kids not in school full time. Mark my words tho... If you don't start getting better in alot of ways I WILL be leaving you as soon as that happens.
Confession #1999
This morning before you left for work, you woke me up to check on my hives. You even put calamine lotion on me. You are so sweet. This is just another of the many reasons why I love you.
Confession #2000
The other day you told me that you regretted ever marrying me. I finally realized that I will never be good enough for you. I gave you all of me and you broke my heart.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Greetings and Salutations!
Welcome to any new readers who may have recently discovered TWC.
As some of you may know, Lifetime is syndicating pieces of confessions on their new re-launched website. This will expose us to a wider audience without losing the intimate feel that I think is really important to the success of the site.
If you are new to the idea of TWC, you can look here for commonly asked questions.
If you want to send in your own confessions, feel free to do so.
The email address is truewifeconfession@gmail.com.
In fact, without your confessions, the site doesn't work.
Welcome to our family.
As some of you may know, Lifetime is syndicating pieces of confessions on their new re-launched website. This will expose us to a wider audience without losing the intimate feel that I think is really important to the success of the site.
If you are new to the idea of TWC, you can look here for commonly asked questions.
If you want to send in your own confessions, feel free to do so.
The email address is truewifeconfession@gmail.com.
In fact, without your confessions, the site doesn't work.
Welcome to our family.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
True Wife Confessions 199 reasons to love comics
Confession #1981
OK so you went to the parent teacher conference - had we been still married I know for a fact you wouldn't have gone. Heaven forbid you missed anytime from work while we were married.
What upsets me is when his teacher asked about the field trip on Friday and I asked when the money was due you didn't offer to pay for him to go. It was $9.00 freaking bucks. I had forgotten to pay it when I dropped him off on Tuesday morning. Then you had the nerve to tell me you didn't have any money on you after I asked you for a few buck since I only had a $5.
You then went to your car and grabbed a wad of money and gave me 4 $1.00 bills. All this after I said forget it I'll go to the mac and come back. You have him - you could have paid the money tomorrow. I paid the $15 for the last field trip - which I didn't mind since I knew how much fun he would have.
It's a shame that you love your money more then your son or your wife (now ex wife). Hell you don't even pay child support - and you make twice the amount I do. O excuse me, you pay for his daycare...big deal...
You claim we didn't have the money to fix up the house, yet now that I left it's all redone and there is a $3K plasma screen TV hanging above the fireplace. ASS...
Don't worry when our son is old enough to know the truth I am going to tell him why I left you. At that time, I hope he leaves your ass too.
You should be so lucky I'm not a blood thirsty money hungry girl - I know what I'm entitled to! However, once daycare is done being paid for and he's in public school - I will take you to your knees.
Confession #1982
I am afraid that last night was our last night together.
Maybe not forever?
I am so sad that you have moved, even though you are not really that far away.
It will change everything.
You make me smile in every way, inside and out.
I do love you, even though I have never told you.
I know that I can't make you love me.
It's killing me but I am trying to be tough.
I feel so alone.
I really do love you.
Confession #1983
You are the best boyfriend in the world. You are sweet kind and caring and faithful. I don't deserve you. Your last business trip- I was over at the neighbors house drinking with him and his wife. I got really drunk and His wife and I got naked and messed around why he watched. I just can't tell you about it. I think you would leave me. But I am so sorry and I will never let anything like that happen again.
Confession #1984
My husband drinks all of my soda. No matter when I open the drink he will drink all of it and leave a little sip. It used to bother the crap out of me but the more I think about it the more it makes me all tingly inside. If it wasn’t for him I would have 1,000,000 sodas open and unfinished. He definitely completes me. I love him with all my heart even if he drinks all my soda.
Confession #1985
I know fidelity is important to you. It isn't to me, though.
Our marriage would be over if I cheated, so I won't. I'm doing this
because it's important to you. I wish you knew that, but I'm glad you don't.
Confession #1986
My family told me it was my choice - them or you, and I picked you. I gave up everything and everyone I had loved for the past 25 years of my life to be with the man I was deeply in love with. They were angry that you were so much older than me - over twice my age - and that you were a different race. They didn't understand that you were the first person who I ever fell in love with, the first man who ever made me feel special, the only person I ever felt like I could talk to about absolutely anything. We had so much fun together and agreed on everything. And then you changed. Or maybe you were deceiving me all along. I gave you my virginity and you berated me for days saying that I couldn't have been a virgin. I guess I didn't moan enough for you. You gave me gonorrhea and then tried to break up with me, saying that I gave it to you, even though that isn't remotely possible since you are the only person I have ever had sex with, actually the only man I have ever even kissed. You get drunk every weekend and tell me that you don't love me, that you need to "get rid of me", as if I am some piece of garbage to be thrown out. Then you always apologize and want to make up, saying you were just drunk and didn't mean it. You told me to stop taking birth control pills, that you wanted us to have a baby together. So I did, but when I told you I was pregnant, you acted depressed and then later said you would have to get a paternity test. A paternity test!!! That is so hilarious. You're the one who gets drunk and goes to God knows where and doesn't come home until 2:30 in the morning, and you want a paternity test!! The whole time I was pregnant, you flip-flopped back and forth between loving me and saying you were sorry and then being drunk and jealous for no reason and calling me names. So much for feeling special, I couldn't possibly feel any lower about myself than I do now. I walk around with my eyes down to the ground so that you won't say I was looking at another man. If a man asks me a question in your presence I act completely retarded and don't even reply because you may say I was flirting with him and then I will have to pay for it later. I don't understand why there are these strict crazy rules for me, but you don't have to live by them at all. The other day you touched another woman's rear-end in front of me but later said you didn't remember doing it. Then there was the time you brought some woman into our house at 10 o'clock at night and asked me to fix her something to eat. Later I found out she was a streetwalker and when I got angry you said that you were "trying to help her" and that I was being a bitch. You do all this crap while I take care of our baby, work 40 hours a week doing a manual-labor job, keep the house clean, cook dinner every night of the week, do all the shopping/dr.appts/etc., work in the yard, and take classes online part-time. I am years from being 30 and already worn out. You are sweet (mostly) when you aren't drinking, but the rest of the time you treat me like pond scum. When I was eight months pregnant you took away the key to the house and kicked me out. I had to get a hotel room. Now our daughter is a year old and you still haven't changed. She loves you so much, and you are a good father, I'll admit that. But what about when she gets older and sees you drunk? You try to be careful, but that won't work forever. You are still an alcoholic, you still degrade me, control me, and tell me I'm a piece of crap. Not to mention that you have been promising to marry me since day one, but you now tell me you never will. You make twice the money I do but pay for nothing for our daughter and keep all of your money separate from mine. Our crappy little house needs so many repairs, but all you do on your weekends off from work is drink. Our car is even worse - no AC, the tires have no tread left on them, and I can't afford to pay for that too. Our daughter's bedroom is unusable and it looks like her crib will be staying in our room until she moves out for college. You don't know it, but I found out that your retirement and life/burial insurance are in your ex-wife's name. That is so pathetic because if you died she would roll your corpse into a ditch and keep the money for all of her new hairdos and manicures. I guess since you have made a fool out of me in life you plan to make a fool out of me in death. I have put all of my time and money into your house and your life, and none of it will ever belong to me. I never wanted your "stuff", just you, but I didn't get you either. You are two different people: the drunken you I despise and the sober you I still am terribly in love with. It's like I live two separate lives too, and one of them I can't talk about, not even to you. I wish you could be the drunken you all the time so that it would be easy to walk out the door and never see you again. I could get a bus ticket and go somewhere far away, take our little girl with me. No one would care, hardly anyone would notice, except for you when you wake up with a hangover and yell for me to bring you a goddamn cup of coffee. I don't have any friends because of you, no one to talk to. I thought we were soul mates, but I am so lonely and depressed. I want my daughter to have a happy, normal, fun life, and not to have a mom who is always anxious and sad. I just don't know if it is better for her to have a father like you, or no father at all.
Confession #1987
After I have been away for several days, and you - ALONE - since our daughter was at my moms.... Telling me how tired you are?
Fuck you.
Confession #1988
I cheated on my ex with my now husband and i cheated on my husband with my ex during the first month of our relationship, I guess you could say that I couldn't choose, but ultimately I did choose and I whole heartedly believe that I made the right desicion. How ever, I have never told either of them and I have no intention to. I love my husband with all I have to give and I can't bear the thought that I may loose him over a 3 month period of selfishness! Bash me if you will, Just know that I know I was wrong! I just wont tell that to them!
Confession #1989
Husband-
Why do you insist on playing the part of a victim? I do so much for you, yet you doubt all of my abilities as a human being and a wife. I have completed by undergraduate and graduate degree in less than four years, I have made a career for myself and our family and you still only see my weakness. I know you are jealous of my success and accomplishments, you always have been.
You want me to be June Cleaver, Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Jenna Jameson all in one. I've got news for you, it won't happen!
You hate my male friends, when the truth is that your jealous of the way they care about me and actually listen to what I have to say. I am a beautiful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent, successful wife, mother, daughter and friend. You are the only one who can't see that. Differentiate already!
No, I will never divorce you, be careful though affairs just don't happen.
-Wife
Confession #1990
Holding my hand and talking to me- really TALKING -last night? That is why I fell in love with you, that is why I married you. I just wish there was a way for us to do that more often. I might not feel so alone in this marriage.
OK so you went to the parent teacher conference - had we been still married I know for a fact you wouldn't have gone. Heaven forbid you missed anytime from work while we were married.
What upsets me is when his teacher asked about the field trip on Friday and I asked when the money was due you didn't offer to pay for him to go. It was $9.00 freaking bucks. I had forgotten to pay it when I dropped him off on Tuesday morning. Then you had the nerve to tell me you didn't have any money on you after I asked you for a few buck since I only had a $5.
You then went to your car and grabbed a wad of money and gave me 4 $1.00 bills. All this after I said forget it I'll go to the mac and come back. You have him - you could have paid the money tomorrow. I paid the $15 for the last field trip - which I didn't mind since I knew how much fun he would have.
It's a shame that you love your money more then your son or your wife (now ex wife). Hell you don't even pay child support - and you make twice the amount I do. O excuse me, you pay for his daycare...big deal...
You claim we didn't have the money to fix up the house, yet now that I left it's all redone and there is a $3K plasma screen TV hanging above the fireplace. ASS...
Don't worry when our son is old enough to know the truth I am going to tell him why I left you. At that time, I hope he leaves your ass too.
You should be so lucky I'm not a blood thirsty money hungry girl - I know what I'm entitled to! However, once daycare is done being paid for and he's in public school - I will take you to your knees.
Confession #1982
I am afraid that last night was our last night together.
Maybe not forever?
I am so sad that you have moved, even though you are not really that far away.
It will change everything.
You make me smile in every way, inside and out.
I do love you, even though I have never told you.
I know that I can't make you love me.
It's killing me but I am trying to be tough.
I feel so alone.
I really do love you.
Confession #1983
You are the best boyfriend in the world. You are sweet kind and caring and faithful. I don't deserve you. Your last business trip- I was over at the neighbors house drinking with him and his wife. I got really drunk and His wife and I got naked and messed around why he watched. I just can't tell you about it. I think you would leave me. But I am so sorry and I will never let anything like that happen again.
Confession #1984
My husband drinks all of my soda. No matter when I open the drink he will drink all of it and leave a little sip. It used to bother the crap out of me but the more I think about it the more it makes me all tingly inside. If it wasn’t for him I would have 1,000,000 sodas open and unfinished. He definitely completes me. I love him with all my heart even if he drinks all my soda.
Confession #1985
I know fidelity is important to you. It isn't to me, though.
Our marriage would be over if I cheated, so I won't. I'm doing this
because it's important to you. I wish you knew that, but I'm glad you don't.
Confession #1986
My family told me it was my choice - them or you, and I picked you. I gave up everything and everyone I had loved for the past 25 years of my life to be with the man I was deeply in love with. They were angry that you were so much older than me - over twice my age - and that you were a different race. They didn't understand that you were the first person who I ever fell in love with, the first man who ever made me feel special, the only person I ever felt like I could talk to about absolutely anything. We had so much fun together and agreed on everything. And then you changed. Or maybe you were deceiving me all along. I gave you my virginity and you berated me for days saying that I couldn't have been a virgin. I guess I didn't moan enough for you. You gave me gonorrhea and then tried to break up with me, saying that I gave it to you, even though that isn't remotely possible since you are the only person I have ever had sex with, actually the only man I have ever even kissed. You get drunk every weekend and tell me that you don't love me, that you need to "get rid of me", as if I am some piece of garbage to be thrown out. Then you always apologize and want to make up, saying you were just drunk and didn't mean it. You told me to stop taking birth control pills, that you wanted us to have a baby together. So I did, but when I told you I was pregnant, you acted depressed and then later said you would have to get a paternity test. A paternity test!!! That is so hilarious. You're the one who gets drunk and goes to God knows where and doesn't come home until 2:30 in the morning, and you want a paternity test!! The whole time I was pregnant, you flip-flopped back and forth between loving me and saying you were sorry and then being drunk and jealous for no reason and calling me names. So much for feeling special, I couldn't possibly feel any lower about myself than I do now. I walk around with my eyes down to the ground so that you won't say I was looking at another man. If a man asks me a question in your presence I act completely retarded and don't even reply because you may say I was flirting with him and then I will have to pay for it later. I don't understand why there are these strict crazy rules for me, but you don't have to live by them at all. The other day you touched another woman's rear-end in front of me but later said you didn't remember doing it. Then there was the time you brought some woman into our house at 10 o'clock at night and asked me to fix her something to eat. Later I found out she was a streetwalker and when I got angry you said that you were "trying to help her" and that I was being a bitch. You do all this crap while I take care of our baby, work 40 hours a week doing a manual-labor job, keep the house clean, cook dinner every night of the week, do all the shopping/dr.appts/etc., work in the yard, and take classes online part-time. I am years from being 30 and already worn out. You are sweet (mostly) when you aren't drinking, but the rest of the time you treat me like pond scum. When I was eight months pregnant you took away the key to the house and kicked me out. I had to get a hotel room. Now our daughter is a year old and you still haven't changed. She loves you so much, and you are a good father, I'll admit that. But what about when she gets older and sees you drunk? You try to be careful, but that won't work forever. You are still an alcoholic, you still degrade me, control me, and tell me I'm a piece of crap. Not to mention that you have been promising to marry me since day one, but you now tell me you never will. You make twice the money I do but pay for nothing for our daughter and keep all of your money separate from mine. Our crappy little house needs so many repairs, but all you do on your weekends off from work is drink. Our car is even worse - no AC, the tires have no tread left on them, and I can't afford to pay for that too. Our daughter's bedroom is unusable and it looks like her crib will be staying in our room until she moves out for college. You don't know it, but I found out that your retirement and life/burial insurance are in your ex-wife's name. That is so pathetic because if you died she would roll your corpse into a ditch and keep the money for all of her new hairdos and manicures. I guess since you have made a fool out of me in life you plan to make a fool out of me in death. I have put all of my time and money into your house and your life, and none of it will ever belong to me. I never wanted your "stuff", just you, but I didn't get you either. You are two different people: the drunken you I despise and the sober you I still am terribly in love with. It's like I live two separate lives too, and one of them I can't talk about, not even to you. I wish you could be the drunken you all the time so that it would be easy to walk out the door and never see you again. I could get a bus ticket and go somewhere far away, take our little girl with me. No one would care, hardly anyone would notice, except for you when you wake up with a hangover and yell for me to bring you a goddamn cup of coffee. I don't have any friends because of you, no one to talk to. I thought we were soul mates, but I am so lonely and depressed. I want my daughter to have a happy, normal, fun life, and not to have a mom who is always anxious and sad. I just don't know if it is better for her to have a father like you, or no father at all.
Confession #1987
After I have been away for several days, and you - ALONE - since our daughter was at my moms.... Telling me how tired you are?
Fuck you.
Confession #1988
I cheated on my ex with my now husband and i cheated on my husband with my ex during the first month of our relationship, I guess you could say that I couldn't choose, but ultimately I did choose and I whole heartedly believe that I made the right desicion. How ever, I have never told either of them and I have no intention to. I love my husband with all I have to give and I can't bear the thought that I may loose him over a 3 month period of selfishness! Bash me if you will, Just know that I know I was wrong! I just wont tell that to them!
Confession #1989
Husband-
Why do you insist on playing the part of a victim? I do so much for you, yet you doubt all of my abilities as a human being and a wife. I have completed by undergraduate and graduate degree in less than four years, I have made a career for myself and our family and you still only see my weakness. I know you are jealous of my success and accomplishments, you always have been.
You want me to be June Cleaver, Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Jenna Jameson all in one. I've got news for you, it won't happen!
You hate my male friends, when the truth is that your jealous of the way they care about me and actually listen to what I have to say. I am a beautiful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent, successful wife, mother, daughter and friend. You are the only one who can't see that. Differentiate already!
No, I will never divorce you, be careful though affairs just don't happen.
-Wife
Confession #1990
Holding my hand and talking to me- really TALKING -last night? That is why I fell in love with you, that is why I married you. I just wish there was a way for us to do that more often. I might not feel so alone in this marriage.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Deep House Dish
How about something fun and dishy today?
I know I could use a giggle as I prepare for BlogHer ( Yep - I'll be there...)
So a hodge podge, if you will - an amalgam of silliness....
Did you ever......
have sex in a dressing room?
Come on, you know how the game is played. I know I am not the only one...
Now, your turn.
I know I could use a giggle as I prepare for BlogHer ( Yep - I'll be there...)
So a hodge podge, if you will - an amalgam of silliness....
Did you ever......
have sex in a dressing room?
Come on, you know how the game is played. I know I am not the only one...
Now, your turn.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
True Wife Confessions 198 The Xmen
Confession #1971
My darling husband.
I don't know what I'm doing. I dress in the morning for Him. I get all quivery in my tummy when he comes to see me. I lust after him hugely. I have fooled around with him, but have not had sex. But not for lack of wanting to. You are better looking. You are an awesome husband (which he most certainly is not). You are an awesome father. (at which he is passable at best). We have a decent sex life. I don't know what draws me to him. Or him to me. He is the total opposite of you. The anti-thesis really. What pulls me to him? I don't know. I have broken things off with him many times. But to no avail.
I'm sorry honey. It has impacted our lives. I just don't know how to stop it. I would have to leave my job. I don't think you would hate that. But I can't. I need him. And I need you. What a mess.
Confession #1972
When's it my turn?
When's it my turn to lay in bed until 2:30 p.m. on a Saturday just because I want to?
When's it my turn to lay on the couch and watch movies all day. And assume that since they aren't for little eyes, you'll take it upon yourself to occupy a child so I can continue to lay there.
When's it my turn to, instead of coming home from work, to go out to a bar and not tell you? To not even answer my phone because I want to get a good buzz and damn, I've earned it.
When's it my turn to think solely of myself. And to assume you will take care of and think of others?
When's it my turn to not watch the budget and visit the ATM every other day? And when you bitch about all of those $3.50 fees (several of them each week), I'll tell you what a nag YOU are.
When's it my turn to sign up for a gym membership and not use it. And then sign up for another and not use that either. And then when you see that there's about $100 a month being wasted, when's it my turn to say, "Oh just get over it. Its no big deal."
When's it my turn to take credit for the gifts you buy or the kind gestures you do for others. (Oh wait, you DON'T do those things.)
When's it my turn to "forget" a gift-giving holiday and then call you a "materialistic bitch" because you express hurt feelings over not receiving a gift.
When's it my turn to tell you to just "get over" past hurts.
When's it my turn to tell you that you are filled with unnecessary resentment yet turn around and tell you that I have every right to feel angry and frustrated by your actions?
When's it my turn to unleash gas so noxious that it stinks up the whole house and then expect YOU to act like I'm the sexiest thing alive.
When's it my turn to make the mess that YOU get stuck cleaning up? And not just the messes in the kitchen or bathrooms but messes like you screwing up a repair and then going out of town. And when you do have to handle the situation, when's it my turn to criticize the way you went about that?
When's it my turn to turn into the asshole who has these delusions of perfection? When's it my turn to act any problem in our relationship is all YOUR fault – if only you'd be less this or more of that….
Oh and by the way. Go fuck yourself.
Confession #1973
I miss you so much when you are not home but when we are home together all I
can do is gripe at you. I come home ready to see you and give you a hug but
then I notice that the trash hasn't been taken to the curb or you've left
all the lights on in your shop when you're in the house. And I get so
frustrated the first words out of my mouth to you are nagging and mean. I
do love you, but it is so hard for me to show affection when I feel like you
are constantly letting me down. I wish we could get that "spark" back
between us. When you act apathetic about getting things done to help me, I
get apathetic about wanting to be around you.
Confession #1974
When I wrote you that letter about how I was feeling that almost didn’t even make any sense to me, you read it and came up to me afterwards and just held me and told me you loved me and would try harder, and then asked me to clarify some things that didn’t make sense to you. And then we ended up having one of the most wonderful talks in the whole 4 years that we’ve been together. I have never felt closer or more in love with you then I did at that moment and I feel bad that I even doubted for a second that you wouldn’t take it well.
We sat there in the bedroom for an hour, talking about our future and what we both wanted and how we wanted to do it and you let me say everything I wanted and needed to say and even though sometimes the way the words came out sounded so bitchy and needy to me, you never took them that way because you said I wasn’t that type of person.
To feel that close to you after all these years and remember why I love you and why I felt so drawn to you, was one of the best feelings I have ever had. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I look forward to a life filled with love, laughs, fights, make-ups, growth and above all, a life filled with you.
And to all the wonderful ladies on this site – If there’s something that you feel you need to say to the person in your life, say it. You may be pleasantly surprised by the response that you get from them. Have faith in what brought you together and what keeps you together.
Confession #1975
I know you want me to find a "real" job. You think our child is old enough and you want me to start earning a paycheck. We don't need the money. You say, "If you start working, we can hire someone to clean the house now and again." OH please. Do you really think having some person clean the house once or twice a month is going to be enough? You obviously have no idea how much cleaning, errand running, grocery getting, crap I do. Our household runs smoothly. This is due to a lot of work and organization on my end. You don't talk to your parents or sibling. You don't remember their birthdays or Christmas. Who do you think gets them gifts? Who do you think pays the bills, keeps the vehicles maintained, does the landscaping, and keeps our son busy with playdates and fun educational trips and takes him to all of his doctor appts? Who the hell do you think is maintaining the friendships we have. (You aren't talking to your friends. I'm the one e-mailing them and setting up stuff.)
The biggest reason I am reluctant to work outside the home is because YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME. (This is also why we only have one child.) I know I'd be the one with TWO jobs… The 40+hours a week and I'd still have to do all of the other shit I do now. Oh yes, How FUN. So forgive me if I'm not having an orgasm at the thought.
P.S. And when our son is sick, I get NO help whatsoever. So if I had a job, I'd still be up all night with a sick child, I'd have to arrange for sick care or take time off and then work overtime during that week to make up that lost time. And what would you do? The same thing you always do. Drink a beer, stare at the tv. And tell me to "suck it up." In other words, Nothing.
Confession #1976
The medicated abortion that I had on May 2nd, was not caused because of you. Your pull-out method was effective, but the other guy I was dating failed to follow suit. I did not spend that day with my best friend, but rather with the person who was truly responsible for my position. I was in so much pain because I failed to buy the correct pain reliever and I had to call the call the emergency hotline. I have never felt a pain like this before. It felt like someone was scraping my insides out with a dull blade. While I was going through this, he left me alone because he had to run an "errand." He never held me or said words that would make me feel secure or loved. I was supposed to be watched 24:7 by him and he agreed, but he left me alone for 1 and a half hours. That was the day I lost all respect for this man. I should have spent that day with you. I didn't tell you that I was pregnant until a week after the procedure and you said that the very day I was going through this horrendous pain, that you felt very sick, could barely walk, and was vomiting all day. Deep in my soul, I hope that it was not your seed that I was carrying because I have always loved you. I wish I spent that day with you because you would have done everything in your power to console me. I don't regret my decision to have an abortion, but I do regret not knowing who impregnated me. I never thought I would be in a position like this at this time in my life. I have planned everything that I do and this was unforeseeable.
***For all you judgmental readers, I am not married to either one of these men***
Confession #1977
Hmmm... I suppose we can start at the beginning.
We have been together and happy for a long time. I was having the time of my life, and it appeared that you were too. I had completely forgiven you for what you did to me the first time we dated... We were too young then anyway. (Though it still hurt...)
When we started this relationship the second time, years after the first, I accepted that if something went horribly wrong, I could only blame myself. You fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Somehow that made me take nothing for granted. I was fully there for every joke, kiss, and touch. I have never felt so alive with anyone else... You truly, even still, amaze me.
But why, randomly, did you come to me and say, "I think I enjoy being your friend better." What the HELL. Are we in high school now? I really have nothing to say about this particularly. I went insane just thinking about it and trying to find some flaw in our relationship. To me, there wasn't one. As I said, I had never believed it was possible to be so happy.
So I guess I'll get on with the confession part. I was miserable for that first 24 hours. I pitied myself and I blamed myself for my own agony. I though about how yes, it DOES hurt just as much the second time around. I went to bed that night a stewing, angry mess. Are you ready for the magic? I woke up in the morning with the sun pouring down on me and from that moment, I didn't hurt any more. Life has never thrown something at me that the sun couldn't bake out of me. It has been six days now, and five of them have been days just as good as when we were together. I lived for a long time without you just fine, and I will do it again. I don't regret a thing, I'm not angry with you. I am fully capable of being your friend.
I really thought I would wait until you wanted me again and then I would be there for you a third time when you called saying that you made a mistake and that I am the woman that you want. Unfortunately, while I am not angry, you really are not the one I want anymore. (Besides, I should have known from the beginning that it wouldn't work. I spent four years at culinary school, my greatest joy in life is feeding people, and I started a relationship with a guy who hates virtually ALL foods?)
So when you have that lovely realization, call me, but be forewarned that there's a good chance I'll be with someone who got it right the first time.
Confession #1978
I know you want to get an Audi. Those are VERY nice cars. I'd like one too. But I told you we don't need one. We don't. But the reason I've put the kibosh on that is because I know you'll be an asshole at some point. I mean, your selfish. Its just your nature. I don't think you are even capable of thinking of anyone other than yourself. And I also know that the next time you piss me off, I'll regret getting that vehicle. Why should You get to drive a $35,000 vehicle when our child and I are stuck in a crappy, cheap vehicle that smells like vomit (because the vehicle is jerky and the ride is bumpy) worth a fraction of an Audi. Why should YOU get a nice car? Especially since your day of work ends at work. When you get home you sit on the couch. You sit on the computer. You eat. You make various messes. You have temper tantrums when you can't find something. So no.
Confession #1979
To the boyfriend I finally thought I could trust,
You left today and I was sad. Although it has taken me awhile to open up and trust you, I really do love you very much and I really did want this to go somewhere. I still do. I timed my trip to the grocery store so that I would see your train leave. I know it was silly. I almost texted you to tell you, but I'm always afraid you will think I'm too clingy, because my ex certainly did. Seeing the train made me miss you more. It hurt. I went home, trying to comfort myself. Finally, I signed into your facebook...I don't really know why, I thought it would make me miss you less, even though it had only been a few hours. I only did it once before, I wasn't sure why you told me your password...so I did it. But I felt like I was invading your privacy so I didn't do it anymore, until today when I missed you.
I saw the messages you sent her. About meeting up. And it hurt. So much. I thought I could trust you and maybe I can, but why didn't you tell me? You talk about her so much and I know that for a long time you still had photos of her. I know you want to stay friends with her, but some part of me worries that you would leave me in a heartbeat if she wanted to get back together. I was so confused. I knew you still called her pet names...and you didn't suggest anything improper, I just couldn't understand why you couldn't tell me. I thought you knew you could trust me. Sure I would have been a little worried about it...but I thought I made it clear that I wanted to respect your friendship with her. The fact that you didn't tell me reinforces all of those little insecurities I feel when you joke about me being stupid or how I didn't go to the same University...I start to wonder if I will ever measure up..even though I know I shouldn't try to compete.
Finally I just started crying. You never made me cry like that...it was the kind of crying that my exes used to incite. It hurt. I wished you hadn't done it, that you had just told me you might be seeing her. I talked to my brother, hoping he would comfort me and tell me it didn't mean anything..but he didn't. I desperatly wanted to call someone here, anyone..but I knew they would all gossip that it would get back to you or you would get a lecture from M. It made me miss my real friends and feel really lonely. I know you don't understand how I can't tolerate always being social here and yet still feel lonely, but I do because of moments like this. Real moments when I have something to share that is private and I can't tell anyone here. You make me feel less lonely. Until today I thought I could tell you anything.
But I can't tell you about this. I can't get angry with you now because it will make you upset before tomorrow and I care about you too much to do that. I can't tell you when you get back because then I will have to explain why I was invading your privacy. And to be honest, I wanted to be happy when I greeted you. I had been planning to take you out to dinner on Wednesday before things got completely crazy...and now I'm just confused.
When you move in September and take whatever excellent job you will get, its probably going to be to a city I can't live in. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get a job here. She will be in that city, you will see her a lot. I know the distance was a big part of the strain on your relationship before. What will happen when you are with her more than me?
It makes me feel so scared and insecure...here I am contemplating taking steps to move here, steps that I was thinking might, eventually, involve something with you...and now I find out you are sneaking around to meet your ex for coffee.
I felt so safe yesterday, why did you take that away from me? How do I talk to you about this? How do I find a trusting relationship with you? Why didn't you just tell me
Confession #1980
When you raped me, I cried. When you hit me, I cried. When you held me down and suffocated me, all I could think was "Dear god no, don't let me die at the hands of this insane man, i'm too young to die". You held me in captivity for a week, and I finally escaped. I tried to give you a hug, instead, you tried to strangle me. And that's when I snapped and left you.
When I tell him these things, and my irrational fears that stemmed from being with you, he assures me that he is not crazy, he won't hurt me, he will always have our best interests in mind. He shows me in his actions how he cares for me, and he will make an amazing father some day.
Yesterday was the first time I considered not marrying him. I can't marry someone who isn't motivated to do better in life. I hope he snaps out of it and comes to his senses. I need 100 things in my life partner, I will not settle for 99.
I still love him more than I ever loved you, and i'll always love you, even if you did turn out to be an insane asshole. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life with you. . .
My darling husband.
I don't know what I'm doing. I dress in the morning for Him. I get all quivery in my tummy when he comes to see me. I lust after him hugely. I have fooled around with him, but have not had sex. But not for lack of wanting to. You are better looking. You are an awesome husband (which he most certainly is not). You are an awesome father. (at which he is passable at best). We have a decent sex life. I don't know what draws me to him. Or him to me. He is the total opposite of you. The anti-thesis really. What pulls me to him? I don't know. I have broken things off with him many times. But to no avail.
I'm sorry honey. It has impacted our lives. I just don't know how to stop it. I would have to leave my job. I don't think you would hate that. But I can't. I need him. And I need you. What a mess.
Confession #1972
When's it my turn?
When's it my turn to lay in bed until 2:30 p.m. on a Saturday just because I want to?
When's it my turn to lay on the couch and watch movies all day. And assume that since they aren't for little eyes, you'll take it upon yourself to occupy a child so I can continue to lay there.
When's it my turn to, instead of coming home from work, to go out to a bar and not tell you? To not even answer my phone because I want to get a good buzz and damn, I've earned it.
When's it my turn to think solely of myself. And to assume you will take care of and think of others?
When's it my turn to not watch the budget and visit the ATM every other day? And when you bitch about all of those $3.50 fees (several of them each week), I'll tell you what a nag YOU are.
When's it my turn to sign up for a gym membership and not use it. And then sign up for another and not use that either. And then when you see that there's about $100 a month being wasted, when's it my turn to say, "Oh just get over it. Its no big deal."
When's it my turn to take credit for the gifts you buy or the kind gestures you do for others. (Oh wait, you DON'T do those things.)
When's it my turn to "forget" a gift-giving holiday and then call you a "materialistic bitch" because you express hurt feelings over not receiving a gift.
When's it my turn to tell you to just "get over" past hurts.
When's it my turn to tell you that you are filled with unnecessary resentment yet turn around and tell you that I have every right to feel angry and frustrated by your actions?
When's it my turn to unleash gas so noxious that it stinks up the whole house and then expect YOU to act like I'm the sexiest thing alive.
When's it my turn to make the mess that YOU get stuck cleaning up? And not just the messes in the kitchen or bathrooms but messes like you screwing up a repair and then going out of town. And when you do have to handle the situation, when's it my turn to criticize the way you went about that?
When's it my turn to turn into the asshole who has these delusions of perfection? When's it my turn to act any problem in our relationship is all YOUR fault – if only you'd be less this or more of that….
Oh and by the way. Go fuck yourself.
Confession #1973
I miss you so much when you are not home but when we are home together all I
can do is gripe at you. I come home ready to see you and give you a hug but
then I notice that the trash hasn't been taken to the curb or you've left
all the lights on in your shop when you're in the house. And I get so
frustrated the first words out of my mouth to you are nagging and mean. I
do love you, but it is so hard for me to show affection when I feel like you
are constantly letting me down. I wish we could get that "spark" back
between us. When you act apathetic about getting things done to help me, I
get apathetic about wanting to be around you.
Confession #1974
When I wrote you that letter about how I was feeling that almost didn’t even make any sense to me, you read it and came up to me afterwards and just held me and told me you loved me and would try harder, and then asked me to clarify some things that didn’t make sense to you. And then we ended up having one of the most wonderful talks in the whole 4 years that we’ve been together. I have never felt closer or more in love with you then I did at that moment and I feel bad that I even doubted for a second that you wouldn’t take it well.
We sat there in the bedroom for an hour, talking about our future and what we both wanted and how we wanted to do it and you let me say everything I wanted and needed to say and even though sometimes the way the words came out sounded so bitchy and needy to me, you never took them that way because you said I wasn’t that type of person.
To feel that close to you after all these years and remember why I love you and why I felt so drawn to you, was one of the best feelings I have ever had. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I look forward to a life filled with love, laughs, fights, make-ups, growth and above all, a life filled with you.
And to all the wonderful ladies on this site – If there’s something that you feel you need to say to the person in your life, say it. You may be pleasantly surprised by the response that you get from them. Have faith in what brought you together and what keeps you together.
Confession #1975
I know you want me to find a "real" job. You think our child is old enough and you want me to start earning a paycheck. We don't need the money. You say, "If you start working, we can hire someone to clean the house now and again." OH please. Do you really think having some person clean the house once or twice a month is going to be enough? You obviously have no idea how much cleaning, errand running, grocery getting, crap I do. Our household runs smoothly. This is due to a lot of work and organization on my end. You don't talk to your parents or sibling. You don't remember their birthdays or Christmas. Who do you think gets them gifts? Who do you think pays the bills, keeps the vehicles maintained, does the landscaping, and keeps our son busy with playdates and fun educational trips and takes him to all of his doctor appts? Who the hell do you think is maintaining the friendships we have. (You aren't talking to your friends. I'm the one e-mailing them and setting up stuff.)
The biggest reason I am reluctant to work outside the home is because YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME. (This is also why we only have one child.) I know I'd be the one with TWO jobs… The 40+hours a week and I'd still have to do all of the other shit I do now. Oh yes, How FUN. So forgive me if I'm not having an orgasm at the thought.
P.S. And when our son is sick, I get NO help whatsoever. So if I had a job, I'd still be up all night with a sick child, I'd have to arrange for sick care or take time off and then work overtime during that week to make up that lost time. And what would you do? The same thing you always do. Drink a beer, stare at the tv. And tell me to "suck it up." In other words, Nothing.
Confession #1976
The medicated abortion that I had on May 2nd, was not caused because of you. Your pull-out method was effective, but the other guy I was dating failed to follow suit. I did not spend that day with my best friend, but rather with the person who was truly responsible for my position. I was in so much pain because I failed to buy the correct pain reliever and I had to call the call the emergency hotline. I have never felt a pain like this before. It felt like someone was scraping my insides out with a dull blade. While I was going through this, he left me alone because he had to run an "errand." He never held me or said words that would make me feel secure or loved. I was supposed to be watched 24:7 by him and he agreed, but he left me alone for 1 and a half hours. That was the day I lost all respect for this man. I should have spent that day with you. I didn't tell you that I was pregnant until a week after the procedure and you said that the very day I was going through this horrendous pain, that you felt very sick, could barely walk, and was vomiting all day. Deep in my soul, I hope that it was not your seed that I was carrying because I have always loved you. I wish I spent that day with you because you would have done everything in your power to console me. I don't regret my decision to have an abortion, but I do regret not knowing who impregnated me. I never thought I would be in a position like this at this time in my life. I have planned everything that I do and this was unforeseeable.
***For all you judgmental readers, I am not married to either one of these men***
Confession #1977
Hmmm... I suppose we can start at the beginning.
We have been together and happy for a long time. I was having the time of my life, and it appeared that you were too. I had completely forgiven you for what you did to me the first time we dated... We were too young then anyway. (Though it still hurt...)
When we started this relationship the second time, years after the first, I accepted that if something went horribly wrong, I could only blame myself. You fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Somehow that made me take nothing for granted. I was fully there for every joke, kiss, and touch. I have never felt so alive with anyone else... You truly, even still, amaze me.
But why, randomly, did you come to me and say, "I think I enjoy being your friend better." What the HELL. Are we in high school now? I really have nothing to say about this particularly. I went insane just thinking about it and trying to find some flaw in our relationship. To me, there wasn't one. As I said, I had never believed it was possible to be so happy.
So I guess I'll get on with the confession part. I was miserable for that first 24 hours. I pitied myself and I blamed myself for my own agony. I though about how yes, it DOES hurt just as much the second time around. I went to bed that night a stewing, angry mess. Are you ready for the magic? I woke up in the morning with the sun pouring down on me and from that moment, I didn't hurt any more. Life has never thrown something at me that the sun couldn't bake out of me. It has been six days now, and five of them have been days just as good as when we were together. I lived for a long time without you just fine, and I will do it again. I don't regret a thing, I'm not angry with you. I am fully capable of being your friend.
I really thought I would wait until you wanted me again and then I would be there for you a third time when you called saying that you made a mistake and that I am the woman that you want. Unfortunately, while I am not angry, you really are not the one I want anymore. (Besides, I should have known from the beginning that it wouldn't work. I spent four years at culinary school, my greatest joy in life is feeding people, and I started a relationship with a guy who hates virtually ALL foods?)
So when you have that lovely realization, call me, but be forewarned that there's a good chance I'll be with someone who got it right the first time.
Confession #1978
I know you want to get an Audi. Those are VERY nice cars. I'd like one too. But I told you we don't need one. We don't. But the reason I've put the kibosh on that is because I know you'll be an asshole at some point. I mean, your selfish. Its just your nature. I don't think you are even capable of thinking of anyone other than yourself. And I also know that the next time you piss me off, I'll regret getting that vehicle. Why should You get to drive a $35,000 vehicle when our child and I are stuck in a crappy, cheap vehicle that smells like vomit (because the vehicle is jerky and the ride is bumpy) worth a fraction of an Audi. Why should YOU get a nice car? Especially since your day of work ends at work. When you get home you sit on the couch. You sit on the computer. You eat. You make various messes. You have temper tantrums when you can't find something. So no.
Confession #1979
To the boyfriend I finally thought I could trust,
You left today and I was sad. Although it has taken me awhile to open up and trust you, I really do love you very much and I really did want this to go somewhere. I still do. I timed my trip to the grocery store so that I would see your train leave. I know it was silly. I almost texted you to tell you, but I'm always afraid you will think I'm too clingy, because my ex certainly did. Seeing the train made me miss you more. It hurt. I went home, trying to comfort myself. Finally, I signed into your facebook...I don't really know why, I thought it would make me miss you less, even though it had only been a few hours. I only did it once before, I wasn't sure why you told me your password...so I did it. But I felt like I was invading your privacy so I didn't do it anymore, until today when I missed you.
I saw the messages you sent her. About meeting up. And it hurt. So much. I thought I could trust you and maybe I can, but why didn't you tell me? You talk about her so much and I know that for a long time you still had photos of her. I know you want to stay friends with her, but some part of me worries that you would leave me in a heartbeat if she wanted to get back together. I was so confused. I knew you still called her pet names...and you didn't suggest anything improper, I just couldn't understand why you couldn't tell me. I thought you knew you could trust me. Sure I would have been a little worried about it...but I thought I made it clear that I wanted to respect your friendship with her. The fact that you didn't tell me reinforces all of those little insecurities I feel when you joke about me being stupid or how I didn't go to the same University...I start to wonder if I will ever measure up..even though I know I shouldn't try to compete.
Finally I just started crying. You never made me cry like that...it was the kind of crying that my exes used to incite. It hurt. I wished you hadn't done it, that you had just told me you might be seeing her. I talked to my brother, hoping he would comfort me and tell me it didn't mean anything..but he didn't. I desperatly wanted to call someone here, anyone..but I knew they would all gossip that it would get back to you or you would get a lecture from M. It made me miss my real friends and feel really lonely. I know you don't understand how I can't tolerate always being social here and yet still feel lonely, but I do because of moments like this. Real moments when I have something to share that is private and I can't tell anyone here. You make me feel less lonely. Until today I thought I could tell you anything.
But I can't tell you about this. I can't get angry with you now because it will make you upset before tomorrow and I care about you too much to do that. I can't tell you when you get back because then I will have to explain why I was invading your privacy. And to be honest, I wanted to be happy when I greeted you. I had been planning to take you out to dinner on Wednesday before things got completely crazy...and now I'm just confused.
When you move in September and take whatever excellent job you will get, its probably going to be to a city I can't live in. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get a job here. She will be in that city, you will see her a lot. I know the distance was a big part of the strain on your relationship before. What will happen when you are with her more than me?
It makes me feel so scared and insecure...here I am contemplating taking steps to move here, steps that I was thinking might, eventually, involve something with you...and now I find out you are sneaking around to meet your ex for coffee.
I felt so safe yesterday, why did you take that away from me? How do I talk to you about this? How do I find a trusting relationship with you? Why didn't you just tell me
Confession #1980
When you raped me, I cried. When you hit me, I cried. When you held me down and suffocated me, all I could think was "Dear god no, don't let me die at the hands of this insane man, i'm too young to die". You held me in captivity for a week, and I finally escaped. I tried to give you a hug, instead, you tried to strangle me. And that's when I snapped and left you.
When I tell him these things, and my irrational fears that stemmed from being with you, he assures me that he is not crazy, he won't hurt me, he will always have our best interests in mind. He shows me in his actions how he cares for me, and he will make an amazing father some day.
Yesterday was the first time I considered not marrying him. I can't marry someone who isn't motivated to do better in life. I hope he snaps out of it and comes to his senses. I need 100 things in my life partner, I will not settle for 99.
I still love him more than I ever loved you, and i'll always love you, even if you did turn out to be an insane asshole. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life with you. . .
Monday, July 16, 2007
True Wife Confessions 197 ways to improve your curb appeal
Confession #1961
Look, we both know you're shifty when it comes to text messaging on
your precious cell phone. Could you at least save me the pretense of
getting defensive about it when I catch you in yet another lie? You
can try and make me feel as crazy as you want, but at the end of the
day, you're still not telling the truth and that's still the issue.
Confession #1962
I Live in Hell's Kitchen
I used to think it was wonderful that you made dinner every night, I am
a terrific sous chef, chopping, preparing everything and cleaning up
after you. This worked for a while until, you turned into that a** on
Hell's Kitchen. You INSIST that the kids do the dishes, but then you
freak out when you find something hasn't been cleaned properly or put
away "wrong". If you expect perfection you will not get it, plain and
simple. I have started to do the dishes every night because I cannot
take the constant b**chin' from you about it. Then last night you asked
me to get the salad ready so you could make the dressing - I even
squeezed the fresh lemons for you - and I poured the juice on the salad.
I thought you were going to have a heart attack. You proceed to scream
at me that I don't care about this family, that you are the only one who
does anything right and that you are the only one who cares. You see, I
didn't know that you have to add the olive oil FIRST...........major sin
on my part...soooooo sooorrrrryyyy!!!!
When you care more about the food you are preparing than the people your
are preparing it for, babe your priorities are all screwed up. Dinner
has become a time of day that I dread - I would rather go to McD's every
single day than put up with your tantrums and rages. You think dinner
time brings us together as a family, when you have everyone so upset
that everything we do is wrong - guess what NO ONE WANTS DINNER ANYMORE.
And then you get even angrier that no one is hungry.
Things had better change, and real soon. I think I WILL go to see my
parents for a week with just the kids, you can stay home alone - make
dinner for yourself and see how well you get on with the "chef" of the
house.
Confession #1963
Okay – my first time with a new guy since the big divorce. We messed around, but didn’t have sex or anything close.
You are a big jerk. You e-mailed me saying that you had Chlamydia and could have only gotten it from me. Since supposedly you were faithful to your X wife that you were married to for 10 years.
Let’s see, I was married for 4 years. Dated my X for 2 years first. Once you told me about your problem, I ran to my GYN. She tested me for EVERYTHING. I didn’t come up positive for anything. Nothing..nada.
I don’t know what your deal was. But, you didn’t get a STD from me. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person you had been with or else that X of yours really did cheat like all the rumors.
Confession #1964
Dear Husband,
I cannot believe that I can finally think about divorcing you. You whom I love, but yet, cannot stand. From the very big to the very trivial: I cannot stand the way you criticize my daughter, I cannot stand the way you leave your dirt around the tub in a ring. I cannot stand the way you speak to me sometimes. Last week you threw a coffee cup in my direction,and after it splintered across the room, I grabbed some of the stuff lying on the table and threw it in your direction. It felt so good to fight back. And then? And then I refused to clean it up and you called me a lazy whore.
Keep talking like that babe, you are making it easier and easier.
Your Wife.
Confession #1965
Lets call this "Lies I Have Told My Husband"
I had an abortion in 1994 (three years before I met my husband). I
got pregnant by my boyfriend of a year and I knew he was not the guy
for me, so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I am strongly
opposed to abortion (because I regret my decision everyday) and so is
my husband.
I do not come from money. My family is from humble beginnings.
I have spent and spent and spent. I am responsible for our debt- and
he doesn't know how much there is.
I do not enjoy our sex. He doesn't have any idea what he is doing.
I could sleep through it. I have faked every orgasm.
I am disgusted by his body.
He is not the only man I have given a blow job to.
He thinks he is the third man I have slept with, he is actually the
sixth.
I want to keep all of this buried and never let him know.
Confession #1966
My darling husband.
I don't know what I'm doing. I dress in the morning for Him. I get all quivery in my tummy when he comes to see me. I lust after him hugely. I have fooled around with him, but have not had sex. But not for lack of wanting to. You are better looking. You are an awesome husband (which he most certainly is not). You are an awesome father. (at which he is passable at best). We have a decent sex life. I don't know what draws me to him. Or him to me. He is the total opposite of you. The anti-thesis really. What pulls me to him? I don't know. I have broken things off with him many times. But to no avail.
I'm sorry honey. It has impacted our lives. I just don't know how to stop it. I would have to leave my job. I don't think you would hate that. But I can't. I need him. And I need you. What a mess.
Confession #1967
There are moments when you are so sweet, so vulnerable - and I think that there is no possible way that I could ever see my life without you. This morning, when I woke, you were holding my hand in your sleep. It was beautiful.
Confession #1968
I need someone. I need someone to care about me. I need someone to respect me. I need someone who worships the ground I walk on. I thought you were him. and you’re not. I have no real friends. I’m not a nice person according to you. What happened to the night when you licked my tears from my pain and held me in your strong and safe arms. What happened to the person that let me come and take a warm bath when my dad called me a whore. What happened to the person that used to love me. Why can’t I find myself. When am I going to be free. I sound pathetic. Poor me, poor me. Many people have it worse.
I love you. but I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you but I don’t want to go through w/ a divorce. and I don’t want to be without you either. You’ve bettered my life and yet I feel like I’ve outgrown you. you lifted me up and now I’m above it; yet I’m not because I’m still insecure and I stay with you. I hold my tongue. If I only said half of what I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me either. You’ve gain too much weight. You drink too much. and your once lovable personality has become obnoxious. You’re not the same person. I’m not the same person. We both know we hang on for my daughter. Poor girl. The chances of her having a happy marriage one day is so slim. And even worse if we split. Divorce is horrid for kids. So I will hang on. For her sake. I’ve been already hanging on for a few years now. My life is wasted. What’s a few more years going to hurt.
Confession #1969
Dear dumbass,
Sneaking into your son’s room at 11 p.m. to play with him is NOT a good idea. If you wanted to spend time with him so badly today, you should have TURNED OFF THE FUCKING TV and played with him then. You are such an asshole sometimes. You wake him up, then he doesn’t sleep well through the night. And then he wakes up earlier than usual. And THEN he’s a crabby, irritable person all day. That makes my job more difficult. But that doesn’t matter to YOU. Because where are you? In bed Or bitching about how he’s making noise and you can’t sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could mess with your job and make YOURS more difficult. And see how you’d like that.
We’ve discussed this many a time. You continue to do these things. You know the ramifications. But they only affect me. Not you. So you don’t care.
THIS is why I called you a “selfish jerk” the other day in front of our son. And oh the fact that you acted like a hurt martyr over it was just fucking RICH. “Selfish Jerk” is NICE compared to the names I often think of when describing you.
Confession #1970
Dear someone I miss completely,
Even though I know you're 5 minutes away, I still miss you. I miss the person you used to be, the best friend I once had, the memories, and the way you honestly cared about me. Over the past 3 years, you've fallen in love with two other people. One of which, you continue to talk to, day after day. You text her saying "You're gorgeous, baby" while you sit next to me on my couch. While you eat the food I bought you, while you lie to me. You never call me, or pretend like you think about me--ever. Sometimes we go entire days without a single hello, much less an "I love you." I am constantly made fun of, from my car right down to how my nipples are "weird." Should I be hearing this from someone who "loves" me? Sometimes I try to convince myself that it's normal, and no one has a perfect... decent.. relationship.
You scream at me that I'm "selfish" and I never think of anyone but myself. You angrily storm out of my house, smashing me with your car door, and leaving me weeping in my drive way. I'm watching you drive away, and leaving me, again. You deem me a 6 on the "boring scale" .. while your best friend is a 3. I understand now why you so blantantly ignore my calls and voice mails. I wish I was as interesting. I wish I was as pretty, entertaining, or beautiful as you'd like me to be. I'm "smart" but not quite witty enough. I bare the brunt of all the rude, disrespectful, and terribly selfish/mean things you say, and I'm not allowed to say anything else in return.
I know you cheat on me. I know I'm the last thing you ever think about. One day, I hope you think of my name and wish you had done things differently. I've tried for so long.
Look, we both know you're shifty when it comes to text messaging on
your precious cell phone. Could you at least save me the pretense of
getting defensive about it when I catch you in yet another lie? You
can try and make me feel as crazy as you want, but at the end of the
day, you're still not telling the truth and that's still the issue.
Confession #1962
I Live in Hell's Kitchen
I used to think it was wonderful that you made dinner every night, I am
a terrific sous chef, chopping, preparing everything and cleaning up
after you. This worked for a while until, you turned into that a** on
Hell's Kitchen. You INSIST that the kids do the dishes, but then you
freak out when you find something hasn't been cleaned properly or put
away "wrong". If you expect perfection you will not get it, plain and
simple. I have started to do the dishes every night because I cannot
take the constant b**chin' from you about it. Then last night you asked
me to get the salad ready so you could make the dressing - I even
squeezed the fresh lemons for you - and I poured the juice on the salad.
I thought you were going to have a heart attack. You proceed to scream
at me that I don't care about this family, that you are the only one who
does anything right and that you are the only one who cares. You see, I
didn't know that you have to add the olive oil FIRST...........major sin
on my part...soooooo sooorrrrryyyy!!!!
When you care more about the food you are preparing than the people your
are preparing it for, babe your priorities are all screwed up. Dinner
has become a time of day that I dread - I would rather go to McD's every
single day than put up with your tantrums and rages. You think dinner
time brings us together as a family, when you have everyone so upset
that everything we do is wrong - guess what NO ONE WANTS DINNER ANYMORE.
And then you get even angrier that no one is hungry.
Things had better change, and real soon. I think I WILL go to see my
parents for a week with just the kids, you can stay home alone - make
dinner for yourself and see how well you get on with the "chef" of the
house.
Confession #1963
Okay – my first time with a new guy since the big divorce. We messed around, but didn’t have sex or anything close.
You are a big jerk. You e-mailed me saying that you had Chlamydia and could have only gotten it from me. Since supposedly you were faithful to your X wife that you were married to for 10 years.
Let’s see, I was married for 4 years. Dated my X for 2 years first. Once you told me about your problem, I ran to my GYN. She tested me for EVERYTHING. I didn’t come up positive for anything. Nothing..nada.
I don’t know what your deal was. But, you didn’t get a STD from me. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person you had been with or else that X of yours really did cheat like all the rumors.
Confession #1964
Dear Husband,
I cannot believe that I can finally think about divorcing you. You whom I love, but yet, cannot stand. From the very big to the very trivial: I cannot stand the way you criticize my daughter, I cannot stand the way you leave your dirt around the tub in a ring. I cannot stand the way you speak to me sometimes. Last week you threw a coffee cup in my direction,and after it splintered across the room, I grabbed some of the stuff lying on the table and threw it in your direction. It felt so good to fight back. And then? And then I refused to clean it up and you called me a lazy whore.
Keep talking like that babe, you are making it easier and easier.
Your Wife.
Confession #1965
Lets call this "Lies I Have Told My Husband"
I had an abortion in 1994 (three years before I met my husband). I
got pregnant by my boyfriend of a year and I knew he was not the guy
for me, so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I am strongly
opposed to abortion (because I regret my decision everyday) and so is
my husband.
I do not come from money. My family is from humble beginnings.
I have spent and spent and spent. I am responsible for our debt- and
he doesn't know how much there is.
I do not enjoy our sex. He doesn't have any idea what he is doing.
I could sleep through it. I have faked every orgasm.
I am disgusted by his body.
He is not the only man I have given a blow job to.
He thinks he is the third man I have slept with, he is actually the
sixth.
I want to keep all of this buried and never let him know.
Confession #1966
My darling husband.
I don't know what I'm doing. I dress in the morning for Him. I get all quivery in my tummy when he comes to see me. I lust after him hugely. I have fooled around with him, but have not had sex. But not for lack of wanting to. You are better looking. You are an awesome husband (which he most certainly is not). You are an awesome father. (at which he is passable at best). We have a decent sex life. I don't know what draws me to him. Or him to me. He is the total opposite of you. The anti-thesis really. What pulls me to him? I don't know. I have broken things off with him many times. But to no avail.
I'm sorry honey. It has impacted our lives. I just don't know how to stop it. I would have to leave my job. I don't think you would hate that. But I can't. I need him. And I need you. What a mess.
Confession #1967
There are moments when you are so sweet, so vulnerable - and I think that there is no possible way that I could ever see my life without you. This morning, when I woke, you were holding my hand in your sleep. It was beautiful.
Confession #1968
I need someone. I need someone to care about me. I need someone to respect me. I need someone who worships the ground I walk on. I thought you were him. and you’re not. I have no real friends. I’m not a nice person according to you. What happened to the night when you licked my tears from my pain and held me in your strong and safe arms. What happened to the person that let me come and take a warm bath when my dad called me a whore. What happened to the person that used to love me. Why can’t I find myself. When am I going to be free. I sound pathetic. Poor me, poor me. Many people have it worse.
I love you. but I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you but I don’t want to go through w/ a divorce. and I don’t want to be without you either. You’ve bettered my life and yet I feel like I’ve outgrown you. you lifted me up and now I’m above it; yet I’m not because I’m still insecure and I stay with you. I hold my tongue. If I only said half of what I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me either. You’ve gain too much weight. You drink too much. and your once lovable personality has become obnoxious. You’re not the same person. I’m not the same person. We both know we hang on for my daughter. Poor girl. The chances of her having a happy marriage one day is so slim. And even worse if we split. Divorce is horrid for kids. So I will hang on. For her sake. I’ve been already hanging on for a few years now. My life is wasted. What’s a few more years going to hurt.
Confession #1969
Dear dumbass,
Sneaking into your son’s room at 11 p.m. to play with him is NOT a good idea. If you wanted to spend time with him so badly today, you should have TURNED OFF THE FUCKING TV and played with him then. You are such an asshole sometimes. You wake him up, then he doesn’t sleep well through the night. And then he wakes up earlier than usual. And THEN he’s a crabby, irritable person all day. That makes my job more difficult. But that doesn’t matter to YOU. Because where are you? In bed Or bitching about how he’s making noise and you can’t sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could mess with your job and make YOURS more difficult. And see how you’d like that.
We’ve discussed this many a time. You continue to do these things. You know the ramifications. But they only affect me. Not you. So you don’t care.
THIS is why I called you a “selfish jerk” the other day in front of our son. And oh the fact that you acted like a hurt martyr over it was just fucking RICH. “Selfish Jerk” is NICE compared to the names I often think of when describing you.
Confession #1970
Dear someone I miss completely,
Even though I know you're 5 minutes away, I still miss you. I miss the person you used to be, the best friend I once had, the memories, and the way you honestly cared about me. Over the past 3 years, you've fallen in love with two other people. One of which, you continue to talk to, day after day. You text her saying "You're gorgeous, baby" while you sit next to me on my couch. While you eat the food I bought you, while you lie to me. You never call me, or pretend like you think about me--ever. Sometimes we go entire days without a single hello, much less an "I love you." I am constantly made fun of, from my car right down to how my nipples are "weird." Should I be hearing this from someone who "loves" me? Sometimes I try to convince myself that it's normal, and no one has a perfect... decent.. relationship.
You scream at me that I'm "selfish" and I never think of anyone but myself. You angrily storm out of my house, smashing me with your car door, and leaving me weeping in my drive way. I'm watching you drive away, and leaving me, again. You deem me a 6 on the "boring scale" .. while your best friend is a 3. I understand now why you so blantantly ignore my calls and voice mails. I wish I was as interesting. I wish I was as pretty, entertaining, or beautiful as you'd like me to be. I'm "smart" but not quite witty enough. I bare the brunt of all the rude, disrespectful, and terribly selfish/mean things you say, and I'm not allowed to say anything else in return.
I know you cheat on me. I know I'm the last thing you ever think about. One day, I hope you think of my name and wish you had done things differently. I've tried for so long.
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