Tuesday, August 07, 2007

True Wife Confession 200 dollars for passing "Go"

Confession #1991

I haven't stopped loving you.
Yet.
At least I think there's still some hope...
but I can't keep living like this.
I don't think I could ever find someone else who accepts me so completely
and loves me--all my many faults and all--the way you do
without ever asking me to change a single thing.
But I'm tired of being alone so much.
I know it's because of your job, and I know that's why you're so tired when you are home with us.
But there's no fun in our lives anymore, and you leave so much of the burden of the kids and the household on my shoulders.
Yes, you acknowledge me and thank me for it,
but I don't do it to exalt myself. I do it because it has to be done, and you aren't going to do it.
You've become so lazy, so ineffectual. It's like you've lost a large part of yourself somewhere and have no inclination to try to get it back.
So, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore.

I started seeing someone. It started innocently enough.
I don't love him, but I let myself pretend I do because it feels good.
Mostly, I just love the way he makes me feel. I don't want a life with him.
He isn't patient and giving the way you are.
He isn't as selfless as you can be sometimes.
He's not nearly as handsome as you are, and he isn't as professionally successful as you.
He isn't as smart as you, and not nearly as funny.
But I want a life where I feel the way he makes me feel.
He's an amazing lover,
and he knows how to touch me in a way that you have never learned. (No matter how many times I have tried to tell you and show you.)
What you do makes me uncomfortable and doesn't feel good. But you still do it, and act surprised and hurt when I try to explain it to you. It's been 10 years, and you still keep doing the same old things that I hate. You don't get it, and you don't even try...
I've been kind about it...I've been gentle...so I really don't understand.

But he gets it. And he's so good.
And he loves spending time with me and wants to be with me,
in the way you only talk about anymore.

I know you love me still. Why can't you show me that anymore? Where did you go?

Until you return, I'm going to continue with him. I really hope no one gets hurt. I just need more than you are willing to provide and I have to find it somehow. Otherwise, I probably will stop loving you altogether.


Confession #1992

My Husband went to jail this morning for domestically abusing me. I refused to press charges, but in this state, you call the police, they come and someone gets arrested. Part of me is relieved, because now maybe he'll think about the situation, and get some help. Part of me is ashamed, because now our neighbors know. People will know!

I feel like one of those woman on television. The ones I used to shake my head at, and wonder why they didn't just fucking leave. Now I know, Leaving just isn't fucking easy, that's why.

I love him, I don't love the part of him that hits me, but I still love him. Please pray with me that he gets the help he needs to become a better partner.

Confession #1993

I am getting more and more depressed living with you. You are a condescending, patronizing ass to me most of the time, and then you wonder wonder wonder why I never want to have sex with you. And why are you erasing the history on the computer, asshole? Don't think I won't find out why.


Confession #1994

We broke up nearly 3 years ago... just because we're still in the same neighborhood and work in the same business complex does not mean we'll be "carpool buddies" for ever.

I'm so tired of being your +1 to every fucking event just because you need a ride. People STILL think we're together, they ask when we're getting married, they wonder why we're not more affectionate.

When your mother had a stroke, and I wasn't the one to immediately offer to rush you 3 hours away to be at her side, you had the nerve to give me a guilt trip about it. Then you tell me how your mom, father, brother, grandparents... they still think I'm your girlfriend... the fact that you showed up with your ex-wife caused a huge up-roar in your home town and I'm supposed to be concerned?

The day you looked me in the face, holding my hands, and admitted you weren't over her... that I was your best friend, but you didn't think about me "like that"... you lost out... yes I still worry and I am concerned... but guess what... it's not my problem... it's no longer my duty to take care of you, your son, or any of your family's feeling's, thought's or emotions.

Since we've broken up, we've done Weddings, Funerals, Retirement Parties, Baby Showers & Graduations... but I can almost guarantee... if your car was running, I wouldn't have been invited to any of these events...

Yes... our break up was not a train wreck, and I understand why we're not together.... but how are either of us going to move on if the entire world thinks were a couple?

Fix your damn car...


Confession #1995

ive got this feeling that you have someone else. . .i know i shouldnt be feeling this way since the reason why you left the country was to have a better job so our child and i will have a comfortable life. . . but then every time i put down the phone i realized you havent said i love you back. . . maybe you where just in a hurry . .i love you. . . i can live without you. . . but i can't deal with it yet.



Confession #1996

OK... been married, have 2 beautiful kids, now divorced (around 9 years),
and feelilng stuck.

Part of me is really happy to be on my own. I make a good living, but spend
too much money. I'm getting a handle on that, but other than that,
everything is good. I get along famously with the ex and his wife, the kids
are healthy and doing well, but dammit, JM... you really fucked me up in the
head about how I feel about myself.

I don't dare tell anyone about the married man I've had an affair with for
the past 8 years. It's not even like I see a lot of him... numbers don't
matter here... it's so wrong and I hate myself for it.

I also don't dare tell anyone about the married man in Texas. We've never
met, but there's been phone sex and probably about $200 in miscellaneous
cash and gifts this year alone! Shit... wait... there was a $150 necklace
that I returned to Wal-Mart, so make that $350 in gifts.

I want to kick both of these married men to the curb. Sex is great with the
first married guy. Holy shit it is awesome! But Texas guy sends presents.

I hate you JM. So glad we're not married anymore... but I still hate you.
I hate the married guy I fuck, and I hate the Texas guy for wanting to fuck
me. In all three situations, it is clear that I have no self-respect.

I've rebuilt my life after the divorce; how do I find my confidence?


Confession #1997

I know you know. I went to a lawyer and I am just waiting for the bomb to drop before I leave. I gave him the down payment and told him how nice you have been to me. I'm going to go with the flow until the next time (there ALWAYS is). Your a good guy when you want to be. I just don't want to be your b~tch anymore.
I'm a whore for 2000.00$ a week.
I hope you play nice in the end for our kids sake.

Confession #1998

I am so freakin tired of you treating me like the babysitter. I don't care that you go and do things on occassion but damn it would be nice if you'd ask first if we had plans or if I minded. After all I am staying home with OUR kids!!! They aren't just mine. I don't care that I am a stay at home mom you still need to show me some respect. And guess what buddy you aren't and haven't for a long time I am fucking tired of it and fucking tired of you. I only stay with you because I still have kids not in school full time. Mark my words tho... If you don't start getting better in alot of ways I WILL be leaving you as soon as that happens.


Confession #1999

This morning before you left for work, you woke me up to check on my hives. You even put calamine lotion on me. You are so sweet. This is just another of the many reasons why I love you.


Confession #2000

The other day you told me that you regretted ever marrying me. I finally realized that I will never be good enough for you. I gave you all of me and you broke my heart.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

1994: I know this will come off as sounding rude, but why don't you tell him he can't have a ride? Just curious...

Anonymous said...

~ guilt, desire to still be with him, lack of both the strength to fight or the ability to be the "Bad Guy".

................... #1994

Anonymous said...

1992

Don't 'pray' he gets the help he needs...MAKE him get the help he needs or LEAVE him. Being alone is better than being beaten or dead.

Anonymous said...

1992: there is no "part of him" that doesn't hit you. ALL OF HIM hits you. Of course leaving isn't easy. Do it anyway.

It's good that the neighbors know... maybe you can crawl to their house if you're broken and bleeding?

GET. OUT. NOW.

sandy shoes said...

2000: I'm so sorry. I heard those words myself once, in another life. As hard as it may be to believe, you will feel better someday. You will.

Anonymous said...

1992 - do you honestly believe this will change things? He's had enough time to get help and stop beating you, but he hasn't. He doesn't want to. Have him arrested, then leave. It's not easy, but you must do it. Do you want your kids growing up and thinking that it's perfectly okay to hit women; it's perfectly ok to be abused?

Anonymous said...

Wow!

Anonymous said...

1992: You need to press charges and leave. A few weeks ago, a neighbor held a gun to his wife's head. She's lucky to be alive. He was a cop so of course there were like 8 cop cars on the street to try to prevent their brother in blue from doing something stupid.

Please protect yourself. Please leave. (Please!)


1994: If you find it too hard to tell the loser an outright "no" for the rides, tell him that it's not convenient because you have other plans.


2000: What a bastard he is.

Anonymous said...

2000: I am so sorry. That is just heartbreaking.

It happened to me too, about ten years ago. My heart broke into a billion pieces and I thought I'd never be okay again.

Now I am happily married to a really great man and my ex-husband seems like a bad dream I once had.

You'll get through this. My prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

19:92 - I have been where you are. Anyone who hasn't, can't begin to guess why you stay. I know why you stay, but am not sure I can convey it to you in writing. You stay because if you leave after you've been hit, you leave feeling worthless...how can someone who loves you do that? If you stay, if you give him another chance, surely he will love you enough NEVER to do it again, and then you will be whole.
I am so sorry, but please don't wait around for him to stop hitting you. He won't. I will pray that he gets the help he needs to one day be with you again and not abuse you, but I will pray HARDER that you get the strength to realize it is NOT about you, it is NOT about love...it is about violence, and you are good and whole and self confident enough NOT to take it anymore!

Trouble said...

#1992--
I don't know why those of us who have been on the receiving end of abuse from the men we love are so ashamed of people knowing, but we are. It feels humiliating, that they know our dirty little secret, the one we never wanted to tell. But, telling the truth is freedom. Telling the truth is brave. Telling the truth makes it harder for us to pretend that there is nothing wrong with what they do.

You did the right thing by calling the cops. Leaving my abusive ex-boyfriend was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It hurt worse than anything. But now, 8 months later, I am so much stronger. I realize I don't need a man who hits me.

Neither do you. And no matter how good the 80% is, it doesn't make up for that violent 20%. It just doesn't.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like #2000 is playing the victim. Men just don't say things like that out of the blue. What did you do?

KimberlyDi said...

anonymous 5:36 PM

Playing the victim? Good Lord, people say things like "regretted ever marry me" and worse. People are cruel. Passive aggressive people don't leave someone when they are unhappy with the marriage. They try to drive their spouse away because they don't have the guts to leave.

Anonymous said...

#1991

I could have written your confession from top to bottom. It is the hardest thing to put into words but as soon as I read what you wrote I knew you had done what I couldn't. I don't want to love someone else, I just want him to love me as much as I do him.

Anonymous said...

1992 - I lived it for 10 years....then finally left, sneaking away in the morning hours after he went to work, driving 3000 miles and making a new life for myself (we had no children, thank God). My family helped a lot when I explained to them what was going on. It's been 12 years. I got remarried.... I thought about him (the ex), and thought I still loved him. He contacted me, I felt that feeling again, the co-dependent feeling on his love. We were able to have a decent email conversation and that was all I needed for closure. No blame, etc. I do not love him, I only did for a little. The feelings I thought were love, were co-depencency. Try to read the book "Co-dependent No More".

Stacey T. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

1992:
He won't change unless you make him. But, I tried that and it didn't work. It may not happen again for a bit, but it will happen. Mine put a gun to my head even after he was convicted of DV. Get help now.

Anonymous said...

5:56pm said:Sounds like #2000 is playing the victim. Men just don't say things like that out of the blue. What did you do?

WHAT DID YOU DO???? Did I read that right? What did SHE DO? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn't do anything "more" than wake up breathing that day? Did it ever enter your head that she's married to a miserable son-of-a-bitch who uses words as weapons? I grew up with a father like that and I assure you ... there was seldom if anything my mother ever did to warrant his nastiness.

Why is it that the women on TWC can't just be a little more compassionate to one another? Why is it so easy to attack and point fingers and say: "WHAT DID YOU DO" to deserve such bad treatment?

Think about it ladies. Think about how quick some of you are to judge your sisters. Then think about why so many women remain silent in the face of horrible marriages, abuse, financial ruin, etc.

A little support and human kindness would go a long way.

~ Lola

Kelly said...

1994 -- stop being a doormat.

calling bullshit said...

Lola, I think anon 5:56 is a man.

Nathyn said...

#1992 Listen to what they're saying. Abusers rarely change unless they undergo deep psychological counseling. And you guys also need marriage counseling otherwise this marriage may have to come to an end.

Nathyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nathyn said...

#1991, #1995 and #1996 please check out Trust me when I say you will get a lot of support there for what you are going through.

#1995 I don't know exactly what going on but if you have a gut feeling there's a lot of info on how to find out whats happening in your marriage.

#1996 survivinginfidelity.com will definitely aid you in what you're trying to do. I've suggested this site to so many people and some on this very site.