You know, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by this place.
On days when I am tired, or hormonal or one of a billion other things, I get my panties in a bunch and think,
"ARGH! JUST PLAY NICE!"
... or when I get a nasty private email or comment or fight some real or imagined battle to defend this creation of mine, I think,
"ARGH! Why don't people GET it?"
and then sometimes, I get things which touch me. Deeply. In that last two weeks, I have gotten two private email/letters....and they have done just that.
I cannot express how your site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone in the world. I admire you so very much. Your intelligence and charisma show through in just your few posts that you give us! I love this site and you have NO idea how much you've changed me. You've made me giggle, cry, and commiserate with the other women.
My thank you's are NOT enough, but I hope you realize how much you've impacted my life. I wish we had MORE women like you!!
Thanks so much!
This is not a confession as such but something I would like to share with your readers. It’s pretty long so edit it if you think it’s too long.
First up, I’m a husband and a dad who reads your site. So why am I posting ? I am posting to share with you how this site has changed my life. It’s a pretty long post so who want instant gratification may want to skip this one. This is just my experience and hopefully shows my gratitude to all those that have posted and commented.
I thought I had a pretty good life, married for nine years, 2 great kids, good job/income, nice home and friends, good sex life. I thought my wife was happy with her life too.
About 10 months ago I was surfing the net (probably looking for porn) and came across this site. Curious, I started to read the confessions from all the unhappy women and after a while something struck me. I was that guy that many you complain about.
I was selfish, I worked late, put my family priorities ahead of my wife’s, staying up late looking at porn, was lazy around the house and basically treat my wife like a cook, a maid, a babysitter. I never told her how beautiful she is, how I appreciate everything she does to keep the household running, asked how she felt and what she wanted from her life and basically if she is happy. We hardly had sex (maybe 10 times in a year since the birth of our second child) and it didn’t bother me.
I just assumed that she wanted to be a stay at home mother and because she is at home all day that she should look after the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, run errands, everything.
So after going through the confessions, I thought to myself, hang on, maybe she is not so happy, actually I think she has been telling me this but I have not been listening. We talked plenty before the kids arrived but not really since. Not blaming them, but I focused my home life on them rather than on her.
So I over the course of the next week, I stopped surfing for porn at night and actually sat down and talked to her. Guess what, she could have written half the confessions on the site word for word. She started by saying that though I was a good dad to the kids and a good provider, that was about it. She still loved me more than anything but it could not go on as it had been. Just about everything we talked about she had already been telling me, I just was not hearing it.
Turned out she did not want to be a SAHM all her life, once the kids were both at school she would like to return to work part time. She would like to go back to education to get a more satisfying job than before. It was not about money, it’s something that she wants to do for herself.
I listened to her about her views on my relationship with my family and ours friends which ended up with cancelling some stuff around holidays with them to spend more time on us. Once I explained to them why we cancelled every single one of them has been 110% supportive. In fact my parents told me that they had been concerned how much travelling we had been doing to see them and that we should have spent more time at home relaxing.
She was always aware of the porn and I have never hidden it from her. We sat down and went through it. Turned out she was bored with our sex life and wanted to try some different things and watching porn together has been one of those things. I still occasionally browse for it by myself which she knows but now it is never at the expense of spending time with the family now.
I have spoken to my work and basically stopped all overtime. I do have say that I am lucky that my work has a very generous work/life balance policy and they have also allowed me to work some flex time and this has allowed me to be at home by 4:30. Though my wife is a fantastic cook I do the cooking most nights, turned out I really like cooking and loved the time we spent together with her teaching me.
I have picked up a couple of other chores but she actually stops me doing all the ones that I could as just a few smalls changes have made a big difference to her. This has allowed her to relax in the evening and study again which has meant that when she comes to bed, she is not so tired any more. Not surprisingly I think we made love more times in one month then in the whole previous year combined.
I do have to say that of course she is not 100% happy, she still missing some romance and that is something that I am working on. There is still the snoring, dropping clothes around the house, blowing my nose in the shower and other things but we have the rest of our lives to work on these. She says the difference in the last year have felt like being married to a new man and all for the best. She no longer feels like a slave running the household but is now something she wants to do for us. She has really appreciated the effort I have made and in return I get extra favours from her including some in the bedroom.
I would like to think that my relationship and connection to my kids has also improved with the extra time I spend at home with them and with my wife and she says that she sees it in them when we play together and they way they talk about me when I am at work.
In fact I felt that this site has made such a difference to my life that I have passed the URL to all my friends and family.
Finally a plea to all those wives who had talked to their partners and not got through to them, please print this message out and show it to them. I urge their partners to read the confessions on the site, listen to your wife and take action. From my own experience my wife feels 100% happier for doing it and because she is happier, I have been happier.
Thanks Dawn, you have made a difference to least one wife with your site.