Monday, February 26, 2007

True Wife Confession 162 ways to hurt my feelings

Confession #1611

one day I will get the strength to leave


Confession #1612

I realize it has not been long, but I have never been more certain in my
life. Every time I look into your eyes, I fall in love with you all over
again.

During the time that we have spent together, you have changed me (for the
better) in more ways I ever believed were possible. A feat that no one has
been able to do, not even myself.

Despite all my flaws, which are far too many to name, you have managed to
love me just the same.

Often enough, I can’t even find the words to describe what you make me feel.
Even a Thesaurus would be of no use.

I know I’ve said this before, but I truly mean it with all my heart, I love
you and appreciate you more than I probably let on.

There isn’t another person that I could imagine being with forever and just
the idea alone brings a smile to my face.

I love you Sweetheart. Happy Valentine’s Day.
xoxox

Confession #1613

I know we are getting married soon, but I can't stop thinking of him. I've
tried so many things to forget him. Even though you are a good, handsome
man, I have been in love with him for years. I know he has nothing to offer
me as far as family and commitment, and I am heartbroken that he doesn't
love me the way i do him. I still dream about him and I miss him so much it
hurts my heart. I just want to kiss him one more time. I wish I could be a
good wife and have a loyal heart. But the truth is if he asked me tomorrow,
I would go. I'm so sorry.

Confession #1614

Tonight, when you told me that I had gotten too fat, just like your ex, I wanted to stick my foot up your ass. YOU'VE gained weight too fucker. And you did it on VALENTINE'S DAY.

Confession #1615

the more you talk about this float trip the more uncomfortable i get... because of what happened when you went last year... and you know what I'm talking about...i dunno if you could tell by the look on my face every time you bring it up.....and i think i have every right to feel that way...i was a lot nicer about it last time than i should have been... I'm not sure i will be able to if it happens again....just had to get that off my chest...and give you something to think about.... how would you feel if the tables were turned... more than likely you would feel the same way i do about it....this may sound childish,immature or bitchy but if you allow her to touch you like that again i can't have you here...i don't care how sore i am I'm not going to go to another man for a massage... there have been times i was tempted cause i was hurting really bad but i couldn't allow myself to do that. there is no reason for anyone else to be touching me in that way other than you. i would like to think you feel the same way. but apparently you don't or at least then you didn't. lets hope things have changed and that you feel the same way i do. cause honestly this could make or break us... i have told you how i feel about it i just hope you think about it before you do anything. cause this time I'm serious. i really don't know what else to say about it.. i shouldn't have to say any of it but i am just so you know. i just dont know what to do anymore. it seems that at times your friendship with her is more important thatn bein with me. cause you had no issue with givin our relationship up in the past but you are puttin up one hell of a fight for her. as much as i hate to say it it make me wonder who you really love. we have 10 years and you have less than a year of knowin her.

Confession #1616

Thank you. For putting in the effort to surprise me on Valentine's Day and
making it so very special. I would have been happy with the card and
flowers, but you went that extra mile and it means a lot to me you took a
night off so I wouldn't have to sit home all night alone on Valentine's Day.
It is hard working different shifts but it makes the time we are together
mean that much more. I truly love you and am so happy we found each other.

Confession #1617

To my husband:

I can't shake this feeling that you are keeping something from me. The feeling that the life we have together is slipping away. You are truly a great husband and I am so glad that we found each other. But lately, things are getting away from us. Have you done something I need to know about? Are you thinking of doing something? I don't know but it is eating me up inside.

I feel like I need to begin distancing myself emotionally in order to make the hurt that I feel is coming smaller. The walls that we worked so hard to take down are being built up again. This makes me so sad. I so don't want to be disappointed in you. You are truely the man of my dreams and I don't want to have to rethink my choice. I don't know what to do. You tell me I have nothing to worry about, but something is off.

If you want out, I just wish you would tell me.

Confession #1618

Thank you for telling your brother to get his head out of his ass and help out around the house. I know you were just sparing him from my wrath, but I still appreciate it.


Confession #1619

We go through this every year on your birthday. Although you are physically still here, you abandon me and go into a cave of depression so deep that I've given up hope of reaching you there. I can see it coming as we get closer to the date. One day you are fine, the next you aren't feeling so well. The day after that you start going to work early and staying late. You stop talking to me except for very basic stuff. You do that for several days with the date of your birthday being the worst. On that day you leave before I get up and you stay at your shop until at least 11 p.m. Then you crawl into bed without a word and move as far away from me as possible. On that day you do not even answer your cell phone for fear that someone will wish you a happy birthday. You won't take gifts from me. If someone else sends you a gift or a card, you loose it in one of the piles of stuff in your office. The day after, things begin to improve but it still takes several days for you to fully emerge from that cave. Often, you emerge angry and our first conversation degenerates into a fight.

I wish I understood it. I wish I could get into your head and erase whatever childhood trauma made you hate yourself so much that you cannot stand even the slightest hint that someone cares about you on your birthday. I love you so much but it hurts to be around you this week.

Confession #1620

Even though you never said anything about my weight gain (and thank you for that), I have noticed that, now that I'm losing it, you have become more attentive in bed. More like it was when we first met. What an incentive!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

1617 -- I have lost count of how many times I have felt this way with my husband -- where I even told him, "If you want a divorce, just ask." Of course he sputters around and finally says, "Well no. Why do you ask that?" And then I say, "If doesn't seem like you WANT to be a father or husband anymore."

I do have strong feelings that in the past he's cheated. I've asked him before and he swears up and down he's been faithful. But he's also gotten so angry, he's stayed at a hotel for a few days. So now, although I have those feelings, I no longer ask, because he's told me if I ever ask again, he's gone. My gut feeling says "yes" he has. But I can't say anything about it. It eats me alive.

Men don't seem to realize them being emptionally distant for a few weeks is far worse than them being on a business trip for a few weeks.

Sorry I don't have any answers. But if it helps, please know that there are other women who are wondering the same things with their hubbies.

Anonymous said...

#1613

I understand where you are coming from 1000%. Sad to say, I was even thinking of "him" on my wedding day. Five years later, I still think of him. Truth be told, if he knocked at my door right now, I'd be gone. I'm not sure if it'll ever go away.

Anonymous said...

#1613 - I really hope you will reconsider getting married. It is not fair to anyone for you to marry one man when you love another. You sound sad now. How long will it be before that turns to anger and bitterness. Walk away while you still can. It is the kindest thing to do in the longrun. I hope you find a way to make peace with the past and move on someday, but it does not sound like you are ready for that yet. Good luck.

cas said...

1613, I agree with anon 3:28PM.

It's really not fair to your good man to go into this "lifetime commitment" feeling that if this other guy you don't even think cares for you the way you care for him comes back, you would leave.

Good men are hard to come by. Do you really want to treat yours like this? He deserves to be with a woman who loves him wholeheartedly.

You need to get some closure with the other guy. Maybe you need to hear him say that he's never coming back for you so that you can move on peacefully with the seemingly good life that's waiting for you.

Best of luck with everything.

Anonymous said...

1620: This is exactly why I can't (won't) follow thru and lose the weight. It pisses me off that Dear Hubby is so eager in the sack when I'm thinner. It makes me resent him, and that makes me turn to food. Good luck to your weight loss.

Anonymous said...

#1616
Its great to hear that some guys can go that extra mile for some holidays. Im glad that he did for you...
I told my man that I dont celebrate Valentines day because I am sick of the cliche roses, chocolate and teddy bears. But I was secretly hoping that he would go out and buy my favorite flowers or do something thoughtful.
Next year Im buying myself orchids and lillies!

cas said...

Anon 5:42PM, my ex used to always tell me, "Ask for what you want, I'm not a mind reader." I have found that to be the case with most men. Sure, we'd like to think they're romantic and take the initiative. But telling a man you don't celebrate Valentine's Day is giving him a free pass to slack.

Anonymous said...

1619-i actually understand your husband's need to close up on his birthday. it is the same for me. in fact, i usually leave the country. thankfully my husband and children are supportive of me. they let me go and wish me the best for my birthday. if i have to stay home, then i refuse to answer the phone. i am terrified that people will call to wish me a happy birthday. i wish i could tell you how to deal with it. my husband just tries to let me be and shield off the others if he has to. i know he would like to celebrate that day with me, but i know he realizes that i just need that day to myself.

maybe your husband will never fully be able to explain to you why he needs to do that. but i hope he can open up to you. good luck.

tAnYeTTa said...

#1614--hilarious!

hey, why are all the commenters anonymous? am i supposed to click anonymous too? is there something to hide? anyways//////--love your site. hilarious but, still sad all the same!

Anonymous said...

You should want to lose weight for yourself if you want to. Not just for a man. I mean...could you guys honestly say that you would still pay equal attention (sexually) to your men if they were carrying around an extra 30 pounds?

erica said...

#1611 - Yes you will. It took me nearly ten years to find it; I hope it doesn't take you that long. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

10:18 pm, yes, I can say honestly that I'd still be sexually attracted to my husband if he were carrying 30 extra pounds. Because he is, and I am.

Of course, I've gained weight too. So *he* isn't interested in *me.*

Sucks to be in love with no regard to looks.

Anonymous said...

#1615 - at first I thought you were totally overreacting. But as I continued to read your post, I dunno....seems shifty - not just the massage thing, but the feeling that he is trying so hard to please her....something isn't right here.

This must be making you feel AWFUL. I wish I had some answers for you, this is such an awful way to be feeling. I wish you all the luck in the world, no matter what happens, or what the outcome is.

Anonymous said...

"Confession #1627

All I have ever wanted, since you left to be with that tramp, to be officially divorced. You kept stalling, thinking I'd be waiting around for you when you finally got tired of her. I've spent the past two and a half years worrying that you're destroying my credit, that you'll take off with our son and I won't be able to do anything because we don't have an official custody agreement. You treat me like shit. I don't love you. I've even finally met someone who treats me better than you ever did.
So how come tonight when you said we should finally go see a lawyer my stomach dropped? Why aren't I jumping for joy? "

ANSWER- BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOOL AND YOU ARE WAITING AROUND FOR HIM TO COME BACK. DUH.

Anonymous said...

Its sad that men are like that they all want flat tummys nice firm butt and big perky tits..we all should care about how we look and make an effort to be healthy but having the man you love deny you because of some extra weight is so dishearting and hurtful. Encouragement and attention (emotional and physical) is vital to our fight to loose that extra weight and be a happy, loving and attentive wife. Also remember that last 20lbs is so difficult but don't give up haha yeah I should listen to myself =^\
I want my hubby to want to jump my bones and not think yep there she is but damn that girl I saw jogging on my way home from work was HOT !! I hope to be that girl one day but shouldn't we be loved and feel desired and have our man we love so deeply be attentive in bed ?