Monday, February 19, 2007

True Wife Confessions 160 sesame seeds on a bagel

Confession #1591

Sometimes I wonder--even though I love you so much...is it possible
for me to stay with you when I don't like nor trust your friends?

Confession #1592

i am in love with someone. a woman.

i know. i can't believe it either.

the surprising thing is that loving her doesn't make me love you any less.

i still want you. i still need you . i still love you.

but somedays i feel like i will die if i can't have you both.

Confession #1593

Dear Husband,

Sometimes I look at you and just want you to disappear, for every memory I have of you to be erased from my mind. I want to go back in time and never meet you. I want to be the person that I am in my mind. The one who is happy, and social and successful. Not this woman who is a prisoner to her marriage, to her children. The woman who lives in the computer, who has no identity, who doesn't have a chance in hell if you were to leave her.

I love you, I really do, but I hate you even more sometimes.

You seem to have sucked every ounce of confidence from my soul. I can't make a decision for fear that it will be the WRONG decision in your eyes. I can't make myself into anything more than a piece of furniture in this crooked house.

I love you I REALLY do, but sometimes I think you are evil... sometimes I think you KNOW we'd both be better people if we weren't together.... I think you feel the same way I do. I think you want to go back in time and undo us, and be the person that you wish you could be.

I really do love you....

Confession #1594

I know that you don't understand why I am so crabby sometimes. I know that you tolerate it or ignore it. All I can tell you is that I am trying to get better - I really, really am. There are just things inside me I can't quite control yet, so I try to shield you from my demons until I can get them locked back up. It's coming, it truly is - I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. I love you sweetie.

Confession #1595

I always wondered if, because you are younger than me, you had an idealistic
view of love. You assured me that mine was simply tainted by my past and it
was real true deep love. I just went in to kiss you goodnight and you were
asleep, dreaming , smiling. I kissed you on the forehead and you awoke,
horrified. Not 2 weeks ago you would have both smiled and slept deeper for
that kiss. I don't know what is happening. I know sometimes I can be
horrible but I'm having a tough time. Where has it all gone? Where. To ideal
heaven??? I just feel like an idiot for believing in these fanciful dreams
in the first place. I asked you to tell me you don't love me and you said
you don't "like" me. Thanks for throwing me a bone.


Confession #1596



Confession #1597

This morning when we were driving into work together I told you that your
incessant criticism, nitpicking and putdowns were making me miserable, and
you said that I was selfish and that I wasn't pulling my weight in the
family. OMG, that hurt so much! And then, when I said that comments like
that are exactly what I was talking about, and that you were turning our
commute into something I dread every morning, you said that if I hate it so
much, I should just take the bus in the morning. And when I jumped out of
the car at the next stop light and slammed the door, you just drove away.

I think that was the lowest point we've ever reached in our marriage. I feel
lost and terrified. And I feel disgusted at what we've become.



Confession #1598

yes 1552 and 1560 were the same person....and to the other military wives who said that i gave you a bad name...thats fine. you will never know my situation. you will never know the pain he did to me for years.i called him selfish in bed, because he was. i wrote here to get that off my chest...not to be called names. and for the one who said i should have divorced him i am in the process of that. i never thought that i would be the military wife who cheated.....i never thought that i deserved anything better than what he could give me. yes i know that the other man has faults. i do see them. but he also sees mine. we have both learned what we do and do not want in another person. we both know that there is a lot of work ahead of us. but we are willing to do that. and as for my deployed husband....he was never willing to be anything that i needed him to be. i know that i am not blameless. i know what i have done wrong and i am sorry that i hurt him. but like i said in the beginning...you will never know my exact situation or the pain he caused me.....i just needed to get that off my mind for a little while. i already call my self all the names you think...just remember that i was not here to be judged...just to be heard...

Confession #1599

Dear Husband,

I hate you and everything about you. The only reason I don't cheat on you is because it is a sin. I am happy when I think of leaving you. You are a pathetic alcoholic. If you hate your path of life right now then YOU will have to change it, but you won't because you are too lazy. I would give anything to NOT have married you.

You disgust me and I am using our tax refund to leave you.

Confession #1600

A few months ago I thought I was happy, I really did. I don't know if I just brainwashed myself into thinking so or maybe I actually was? I would have married you in a heartbeat, I was waiting for the proposal ever since we found out we were having another child. Waited and waited and nothing ever happened.

We remained happy, I stuck by your side, did everything for you, ran the household, took care of the kids, pets, and yet you distanced yourself always remained married to the money, to work, to pleasing all your co-workers and never your own family. Sure you spent money on me, but that isn't what a woman truly needs and longs for.

You asked something of me nobody should ever ask of someone who they claim to love...that is to be with another person. I resisted for the longest time, and yet you persisted. I hated you for that, you made me feel so unwanted, not good enough, not sexy enough, not what you really needed. You made me feel as though a third party had to be involved in our sex life for it to be good. This person isn't even female...its male. What kind of real man wants to see their lover be satisfied by another man? I will never understand that. But here I am guilty of meeting that man, I gave in. Ironically, in a way I'm glad I did.

The last few months I have been so incredibly happy. I never knew what it was to feel love like this. To feel this intense feeling of desire, attraction, passion, lust. Whether it lasts a day or a year I'll be happy I experienced it, yet at the same time sad, because once again I'll go back to my mundane life with you pretending as though I'm in love and happy. You could never satisfy my needs like he does, I'm sorry to say that but it's true. You can never be him and you will never make me feel as good as I do when I'm looking into his eyes.

I hate you for asking me to meet him, I blame you for making me feel so vulnerable for loving someone else. For loving someone who isn't nearly as stable as you. You put me out there to get heartbroken.

You are crushed now because I told you I love the other man,

now of course you want me back,

now of course you realize you fucked up.

Now, you realize what you had...

and now that someone else wants it...

so do you.

Now, you may be too late.

I will always care for you, til the day I die, but you will never be The One. I wish I could love you the way you love me. Life would be much easier that way.

27 comments:

Lizzie Lou said...

#1597 - Get thee to counseling, pronto. Preferably with your H. But if he won't go, go yourself. Your H sounds very, very much like my ex - a selfish, narcissistic, unempathetic bastard. Good luck, hun.

Chantal said...

Dear #1599, I hope that you are able to make a clean break from him.


#1598, you have been heard. You are still wrong.

Wendy Richards said...

#1598 - Please excuse all the people that think this site is to judge. I'm sure they've done things in their lives that some people wouldn't agree with either. There are some of us, that realize this site IS to get things off your chest, NOT to be judged. Commentors need to either support of keep it to themselves. It's hard enough to write what you feel or are going through without being called every name in the book.

Anonymous said...

Bravo, Wendy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but sometimes things get EXTREMELY nasty in here - not to mention people get VERY self righteous.

I don't agree with 1598's actions either, but who am I - or anyone - to judge? You don't have to like it. But you also have no right to start hurling abuse.

Anonymous said...

#1591 - RUN, don't walk away from there. I am where you are. If you can't trust his friends, it will filter into his doing things you won't be able to trust either.

Anonymous said...

1598 - you are delusional if you thought that posting what you did about your husband would only result in pats on the back and sympathy. He is out there serving his country and you are sleeping around like a common whore. You brag about it, and then expect sympathy because you claim HE is selfish?

Delusional. Absolutely delusional. May he get full custody of your children, and may your man-whore leave you too.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I am a judgemental bitch. That does not take away from the fact that #1598 has done horrible things, not only to her husband, but to her children as well. I will never understand the mentality that being treated badly by someone is an excuse to let your vagina rule your head. Grow up, #1598. I fail to see what your husband's behavior has to do with your lack of morals. Good people rise above adversity. Others use it as an excuse for their own shortcomings.

Oh, and if you thought you wouldn't be judged you obviously are new here.

Anonymous said...

sometimes I read these confessions just because I am nosy. I want to hear what other people are going through. I'm lucky sometimes that my life isn't that dramatic. Thank you to all who participate and feed my addiction to know private thoughts :)

Chantal said...

Judgements are a part of human nature.

Bravo, Wendy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but sometimes things get EXTREMELY nasty in here - not to mention people get VERY self righteous.

I don't agree with 1598's actions either, but who am I - or anyone - to judge? You don't have to like it. But you also have no right to start hurling abuse.

Pot + kettle = black. You are being pretty self righteous, too.
You and Wendy both.

Having a husband who treats you bad is no reason to act like a whore.

Anonymous said...

#1600 you say cheating is a "sin" so I assume you are Christian/Jewish so I'm going to give you some advice. Take your situation too God and have faith He will heal it. It may get better before it gets worse, you may have to leave but you're right for not cheating and let God fix the situation and I promise you'll be in a better spot whether with your husband or by yourself, once God is done.

Anonymous said...

Hi Wendy, I hear you but I think sometimes somethings are so wrong people feel they have to chime in. One thing I would say to everyone is instead of judging I think it would be better to pass along some helpful advice to those who need it. (I know this happens often here).

As for what's going on with #1598 everything happens for a reason. And there is what's many call "karma". This may be his karma or maybe karma will come back around in give her a swift kick (it happens to everyone sometimes because we all do wrong), to me it sounds like both may need some hard lessons in humanity and humility.

I don't think we should judge her but her actions are horrible. I don't believe most people would just do something like this and obviously it's revenge based and #1598 obviously hates this person so I'm more wondering what could cause such a reaction from a person. Maybe he was just as bad (or worse than) we think she is.

Anonymous said...

My comment for 1600 was actually for #1599. Sorry about that. For #1600 I was going to say I think your hubby felt he was doing you a favor (maybe he felt he wasn't satisfying you). I think he wanted you to stay with him but get what you needed elsewhere. I don't know what I can say to help here. I'll tell you this, if you have a stable man, you probably should continue working on the marriage but if you end up with the other guy it probably won't be good for you. You'll lose less than you gain.

Anonymous said...

#1591 is it possible to stay when you don't like his friends? Men do it all the time.

Anonymous said...

#1593, You brought tears to my eyes. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Anonymous said...

Pot + kettle = black. You are being pretty self righteous, too.
You and Wendy both.

12:49 PM


Why, for not succumbing to mob mentality and hurling insults at others?

For trying to maintain a little levity here?

Alright then. That makes sense. O_o

Anonymous said...

I would just like to say, yes, there are shitty marriages out there that involve military men. My first husband was and still is a worthless piece of $hit if I ever met one. But you do have to take the high ground and rise above instead of lowering yourself to their level. Us military wives need to stick together and try to break this stereo-type we all get branded with. I went to dinner with a friend of my husband and myself while he was in Iraq. My husband had no problem with it but before I could get home and e-mail him, someone's wife had seen me, e-mailed her husband who went running to my husband. Not once did I stray away from my husband but people who didn't know me branded me a "typical gold-digging military whore who was out spending my husband's money." I feel for you being married to an asshole. Make sure you teach your girls right and wrong if you can't lead by example.

Anonymous said...

1600, your man is gay. thats why he wants to be with another man. that's why he wont marry you. he wants a beard.

to chantal, who said, "Having a husband who treats you bad is no reason to act like a whore." i disagree. i can think of no better reason to cheat on one's husband than if he treats you shitty. keep your Stockholm syndrome to yourself, mmkay?

Anonymous said...

For 2:20pm -

Can you read? Confession writer #1600 said that her husband brought another man into the bedroom for HER. Now SHE'S been sleeping with the other guy and loving it. An excerpt :

"What kind of real man wants to see their lover be satisfied by another man? I will never understand that. But here I am guilty of meeting that man, I gave in. Ironically, in a way I'm glad I did.

The last few months I have been so incredibly happy. I never knew what it was to feel love like this. To feel this intense feeling of desire, attraction, passion, lust. Whether it lasts a day or a year I'll be happy I experienced it, yet at the same time sad, because once again I'll go back to my mundane life with you pretending as though I'm in love and happy. You could never satisfy my needs like he does, I'm sorry to say that but it's true. You can never be him and you will never make me feel as good as I do when I'm looking into his eyes."

Hooked on phonics?

Anonymous said...

#1598-

I am here for you....

*hugs*

callie
www.calliesrealm.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

1598:

Why don't you just leave him? I don't understand why staying with him and having an affair and THEN leaving? Why couldn't you leave then have your life with other men? What you are getting branded for here is the fact that you are having an affair. Regardless of what the reasons are, it's still wrong to have an affair. You should have left and filed for divorce. At least then you would have some ground to stand on.

Anonymous said...

First, I would like to know if serving our country means you can do no wrong? Obviously, some people believe this.

Second, ALL sins are equal. Judging, adultry, etc. ONE IN THE SAME!

Anonymous said...

Oh trust me, military people screw around a lot while they are deployed. I'm sure 1598's husband is having his fun while gone. BUT, not ALL of them screw around.

Anonymous said...

#1593 - I could have written this exact post, except for the "I love you" parts, because I do not love my husband anymore. I really feel for you, though. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

1598: You are a disgusting whore and no, not all sins are equal. Lying, eating shellfish, or other sub-par crimes the Bible dictates is not worse than fucking around on your spouse. Sorry to burst your moral bubble.

I hope your children grow up and see you for the decrepit human being you really are. You are not fit to be a mother. I hope your husband finds happiness with a woman 10,000 times the person you could ever be. I hope the person that's in love with you opens his eyes and sees what a horrible, disgusting piece of shit you really are.

You are a waste of oxygen. Kill yourself. Please.

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I stumbled across this blog in hopes of being able to post some thoughts, maybe get some insight as to why we make certain choices in our marriages that are obviously not good, and I can't believe what I read. Who are any of you to judge anyone else??? What makes any of you better than the other? Because you have chosen other paths to walk down? Who says your path is the right path? God? The Bible? Another "higher power"??? I am not saying cheating is acceptable, nor is staying in an abusive relationship. But there are different circumstances surrounding each scenario and nobody knows the demons that these women may be living with in their heads. Obviously they are reaching out for help y posting their comments on this board, and to come here where they are reaching out and to have someone even suggest to end their life is absurd. Not to mention just cruel. Anyone who can sit their on there high horse and judge another human being when you don't even know anything about them besides what they write as most likely a cry for help, should take a closer look in the mirror at their own happiness. To point the finger or call people bad names or put them down is just a sign of pure weakness and I feel bad for you. Seek help from caring individuals and open your mind to other points of view. Don't be ignorant. Not eveyone will live what your vision of a "perfect" life is. What is wrong with us? How can you be so mean to your fellow brother/sister?? I know I have rambled, but I have never been so frustrated with women so quick to judge...... get a life, or work more on yours.

Anonymous said...

Dear Husband,
I've spent decades in therapy working on myself. You refuse to do any work on yourself.I can't do the work for you.
Your schizotypal odd behavior scares me and makes me feel uneasy. You are odd. Your obsession with odd things and the lack of connection with other humans.
The sabatoging you do with my life, my career, my future, my past. The judgements you make about me. The way you dangle the carrot but then grab it away from me.
The way you have refused to have sex with me for the past seven years because you simply "dont know why".
you are fucked up beyond repair. You have sucked the life out of me because I have low self esteem and have let you do so.
I am going to rebuild my life and distance myself from you someday. And you will be alone with your very odd, self-centered, emotion-less, sociopath self. Enjoy.

Jamie said...

Just because 1598's husband is in the military doesn't make him a perfect spouse. She is wrong for being unfaithful, but leave the "off fighting for his country" bullshit out of it. Would you prefer him out of town on a business trip rather than deployed? Would that make her less of a whore in your opinion? I'm currently going thru a divorce because my military husband beats the shit out of me, so you all can understand why it's laughable when people try and make the military men and women out to be fucking angels. Also, I don't understand why 8:48's comment isn't completely removed..