To the one who still haunts my dreams:
There you were again. I saw you somewhere. I called you on the phone you called me your little one. I miss that so much. There was a choppy signal, or I was holding the phone upside down and couldn’t hear you well.. Isn’t that typical. It’s not us anymore. Not in this life anyways. Every song I hear, it’s you. Every movie I see, the story is about us. It’s always about us. I’ll see you in my dreams..
Your Little One.
When I first married you I regretted it almost immediately because I was so young and did not want to leave my family. Now 30 years later, you are my soul mate and my life and I love you more every day. Thanks for the last 30 years. I'm glad I stuck around.
I loved my job as I got to work with someone who was very interesting, appealing, and had similar goals/values as my own. He was a male and I know you knew I loved my job because of him.
To my ex-husband: I am soooooooooooooo glad you are out of my life. You had the worst habits that I have ever had to endure. Uughh! You disgust me.
1. Picking your nose and pulling out huge boogers with your bare hands is gross. When you said “fingers are better than using tissue,” it also disgusted me. It's not funny and then you would expect to touch me sexually. YUCK!!!
2. Biting your nails (toes and fingers) and spitting them out in the bed is also gross. The pain that I had when I rolled over those hard, sharp nails is indescribable.
3. Not brushing your teeth until you get to work to gain more sleep-time was insane and not to mention torturous for me! Your breath smelled like unwashed ass!
I can’t think of anymore right now because I am pissed with myself for actually marrying your gross loser ass. I will blame it on naiveness and depression.
I can't homeschool anymore! Scratch that....I don't WANT to homeschool anymore. There I said it.
I'm tired of bringing it up, only to have you guilt me into giving it a little longer. I want to enjoy the time that I have with the kids, and this is not helping me do that. You're at work all day, and night, so you never see the kids. BUT, it's so important to you for me to school our three kids. Why? Is it worth me having a nervous breakdown? I spend most of my day frustrated and run down. That's definitely not helping me or the kids. Please look at this from my point of view and stop comparing me to you mom. I admit it....she's a stronger woman that I am.
I just need to feel like a person again! I'm losing more of me everyday going through with things as YOU want them.
It's not really your fault that I asked you to move into the spare room last night. For good. I just don't know how to help you and you're bringing me down.
After twelve years of putting up with your crack-addled ex-wife, your intermittent joblessness, your middling sex-drive and your general uselessness around the house, YOU want to leave ME. In spite of the fact that I stuck by you through two bouts of severe depression (complete with threats of suicide), in spite of the fact that we've just learned that you're bi-polar and I was trying to hold out for you to get better; YOU want to leave ME. Our kids will be devastated, and you don't care. You don't even have a job, and you don't care. You have drained every single bit of optimism, trust, and affection from me...and you. Don't. Care.
One sane day you will regret this decision and it will be too late. I will never come back to you. I will never forgive you for taking a big fat dump on everything I've ever done for you and everything we've ever been to each other. In the meantime I'm going to try to remember that I am good, and smart, and worth so much more than you could ever give me.
I fucking hate you more than I ever, ever loved you.
I wish I could tell you I'm hurting. I have been doing so well for so long but now those horrible feelings are coming back. I hate not being able to tell you how I feel, I hate not being able to tell anyone how I feel. Your cheating has done a number on me trusting others. I used to be a very trusting person and now I am not, that bothers me a lot. I hate that I don't want our daughter's getting married because I don't want them to ever feel this pain. But you have been a great husband since we have gotten back together. You show me love, you let me go out and do things I want without the kids, you have given up your dream so I can go back to school, even though you had to have known that the dream did not fit with having a family. And to be perfectly honest I am so glad you finally came to your senses about it. It would have sucked our limited family finances like you wouldn't believe. You support me now unlike you ever have in the past 7 years of our marriage. You are an active participant in caring for our children, you cook for me every night, you even sometimes do the dishes. What is wrong with me that I can't let this go? I guess I will just suck it up, keep going like nothing is bothering me and sooner or later the feelings will go away. I do love you even though you have shattered my heart and I pray that in time I will feel better about us.
I love you madly. I love you as you are the father of my children and love them as deeply as I do.
I love the fact that you are such a hard worker, saver, and breadwinner. We never worry about money.
I love that we come from the same small city and truly know each other and how each other were raised, and the situations in which we grew.
I just wish we were not so damned bored with one another.
The way you talk about that girl is the same way you talked about that other homewrecking whore you worked with. Oh I am sorry, you guys were just "friends." The poor thing didn't have anyone to talk to and you were so nice to be her shoulder to lean on. Maybe she should have gone to her own boyfriend instead of my husband? I don't care what you say, I don't believe you were just her "friend" and won't until the day I die. I forgave you once and won't do it again. You do it again, I will destroy you, I can promise you that.