Tuesday, April 29, 2008

True Wife Confessions 248 dimensional puzzle

Confession #2471

I cheated on you. I had already given up on us after months, years, of trying to make it work. And then I met him, and wanted him, and e-mailed him and called him and pursued him and then fucked him and it was mind-blowing. I didn't even know sex could feel so good.

And then you changed. Everything I have been asking for, you're doing, now. Too late. When I slept with him, I ended our marriage. I don't want to hurt you, I just want out. I want to be able to breathe again. I want to figure out who I am.

The thing that kills me is, he doesn't want me. And you do want me. And I want him. And I don't want you.

It makes me hate myself a lot.

You are a really good guy. I respect you, and like you, and even love you. But after all the things that have been said and done, I have nothing left for our marriage. I thought it would be easy and you would respond the way you always have - but you didn't, you are doing everything right. And now it's me, having made this choice to cheat, that's fucked it all up.

And he doesn't even want me. He doesn't call, he doesn't text, he doesn't e-mail...

I feel so stupid.

Confession #2472

We were catching up with some friends at the bar. You and I were catching up with each other. A friend commented that she was watching us “lovebirds” chatting away in the corner. I think some people are shocked that we’re still this happy after nine years. I love that my friends want to find what we have.

Confession #2473

You think you are punishing me by your angry silence....but the sad truth is that I simply don't care anymore.My exhaustion with your emotional tantrums extends so deeply into the fabric of our marriage that it will be such a relief when we finally split up

Confession #2474

I don't know how it is that I am the lucky one to be your girlfriend.
If all the soul crushing crap I had to put up with in the past was payment for the chance to eventually meet you, I would endure it again.

I know you were trying to softly and wordlessly direct our walk through the mall toward that jewelry shop to look at rings.
My heart sped up. I pretended that you were just crowding me. I angled my body away and picked up my step ever so slightly. We walked past as I wondered aloud where the shoe store was... the one we planned to go to in the first place.

Please know that I love you. I love you more than I thought was possible. I wanted to go look at those rings. I want to marry you. You are the one for me.

I just didn't want to cry in public.

(But if you try again, I won't resist.)

Confession #2475

I hate these long hours you are having to work.

I miss you so much.

Confession #2476

Dear Husband,

I wish we liked the same kind of music. I wish you were coming to this concert with me tonight. I know you think the music I like is crap, but I don't put much stock into your opinion since you think Van Halen is the best band there ever was. You have poor taste. It's not me.

Confession #2477

Dear Bear,

I am so happy I left my first husband for you all those years ago. He was such a schmuck, and treated me so poorly. The decision to leave him was grueling at first because he and I had been together for so long (from the time we were barely teenagers til we were in our mid twenties), but thankfully I overcame the fear of being alone and got out of that relationship. BTW, I recommend it to any woman who is in the same shoes I was in back then: if you are NOT happy, do NOT keep going through the motions. Leave and find someone who truly cares for you, treats you like a Princess, and would never, ever think of hurting you, not even for a millisecond. Life is too short to be unhappy and underappreciated.

Our relationship started out a little rocky because you and I had both recently gotten out of less than savory marriages, and were dealing with our wacky exes, but somehow we overcame all of that and came out on top. We married last January after being exclusive for 3 years, got pregnant in August, and are now anxiously awaiting our daughter's arrival. I can't help but think that I had to go through that whole crappy relationship with my ex just to arrive here at this point, married to you, waiting for our kid to pop out, and it makes that whole long, drawn out crapfest I called a relationship with him more than worth it. Everything with you is easier. We don't fight much, and when we do, we apologize and laugh about it later. You're my best friend and my closest confidant, and I trust you implicitly. We can't afford fancy vacations or luxury items, but it doesn't matter. Every day with you is a vacation to me. You are my luxury item!

So, I just thought I'd say thank you, and I love you, and I look forward to the start of our family life together, even though it's a little scary to think that we're going to be someone's parents within the next couple of weeks! I think we'll be brilliant together, though. This kid is going to have a lot of love surrounding her.

I love you always,

Confession #2478

We have a child that you love very much. I appreciate that. Our baby loves you so much. When she wakes up in the morning, she call for you. I get a little jealous, being as though I am here with her every single day and you come home a couple times a month.

I am so sad and lonely. You have cheated on me and beat me. i am still here. Your family and friends knew and I was clueless. You have taken away my life by your selfish actions. I am so confused and a lone. It hurts so bad. I have no one to talk too but my therapist and I think she has pity for me. Everyone tell me to hold on because you are in medical school and maybe you are stressed. They tell me to take care of you. What about me? Who takes care of me when I am hurting or stressed. I know you study ten hours a day, but i go to work teaching some disturbing children, then I come home to provide for our daughter. She wipe my tears away today. She ask me what was wrong today because after reading your email, i just cried and cried. She;s only 2 for goodness sake. I have to be strong for her. Why do you play these games. I feel so insignificant.

Confession #2479

I have been married to my husband for a year and a month. I was 23 when we got married and had dated him on and off for six years. I knew how controlling and an ass he was. I was insecure and i live in a state where if you aren't married and have 2 kids by 24 you are crazy. we got married the 2 of march last year. the fights have gotten progressively worse. he likes to break things and put holes in the walls. he recently broke his wrist when he hit a stud. my husband just fixes the holes. i know that i shouldn't have married him and i see it more and more that we are going apart. i don't want to have sex with him, i find myself drinking or taking sleeping pills to get away.

heres where it gets good......
i met a coworker at work, i am his supervisor so that complicates alot. i found out that he used to live down the street form my grandmas house, she has already passed away. that house meant so much to me memory wise. i found out that he actually had fathered another coworkers child. (before he worked there, she was the reason why he moved down here so that he could be there for his daughter.) well i guess that it didnt work out and so now hes getting ready to go back to where he used to live.
after finding out that he knew my grandmas house he gave me his number to call so that he could send my a picture of the house. well we started to text and flirt at work. the text messages started to get a little dirty. so we decided to hang out. i took him to my favorite place to talk that over looked the city. that night we talked for hours. he said that he was confused and had a little voice in his head that told him not to do anything even though he wanted to. he made a comment about my chest, which is nice if i say so myself and i made the comment that they feel better then they look. it took him a min but eventually felt them.
the dirty messages keep coming. well last night we hung out again and we started to talk and then my shirt came off and we made out and dry humped. then he kind of stopped and said that he felt bad it wasn't against me and that he was so turned on and wanted more but also didn't want to hurt me knowing that he was leaving this Friday and then stammered something like he didn't want to hurt his baby's mom cause he knew that we were friends at work. i was confused and somewhat hurt so i left. today he has been texting me saying stuff like he wishes it would have gone further and that he had fun and would miss me.

so here i am now, and it was funny my husband and i went to where i work to pick up some stuff and my husband drove and he parked next to my flings car that we were in the night before. i feel bad and that i am a terrible wife but than i think of how big of an asshole he is to me and then i don't feel bad.

Confession #2480

Dear Husband,

This is a list of every single sin you've committed over the past year: Sure I may not be perfect, but I think any other woman would have thrown you the fuck out of the house for any of them. I've been patient, but that's over now.

* You've called me a bitch 52 times. Crazy bitch 29 times. Cunt 6 times. and I'm just like my mother 26 times (I've written it down every single time)

* You've called my daughter a pain, a brat, lazy and selfish (She is six years old, you ass)

* You've refused to watch our 9 month old on even one of your days off, even though I take her to work with me every single day.

* You've stopped going to anger management counseling, even though you promised to see it through after you went to jail for punching and choking me when I was holding our 3 week old daughter.

* You've let your family make horrid remarks and comments, and never defended me once.

* You pushed me down again last week.

* Just like you pushed me in the stomach hard enough to make me fall down, and choked me up against the wall at our old house when I was pregnant.

* You accused me of sleeping with my boss, an old friend and an old classmate.

* You refuse to do any kind of activities with the 6 year old, and when you do watch her on your days off, you make her spend all of her time in her room, while you watch TV and sleep all day.

* You continue with the porn magazines.

* You withhold sex. (We've had sex a total of 15 times since the baby was born in the summer, since you also wouldn't touch me while I was pregnant)

* You told me I was fat(5 times when I was pregnant, 3 times after) even though I weigh 125 pounds and am 5'4.If anyone is fat, it's you, lardass. Heaven help me if I say anything though, it's emotional abuse.

* You won't do any of the girls laundry, and heaven help me if I leave clothes in the dryer.

* You make sure that when we buy things, it's always you who need more things, not the girls, and certainly not me.

* When I do make a purchase for myself, you bring it up whenever we fight.

* You bring up everything I have ever told you and use it against me.

* You write checks every day, for big amounts, even though you don't handle the checking account. After all it's up to me to make sure we don't bounce. I have to scramble to get money together to cover all the fucking checks you write.

* When the girls and I are home, and the baby cries, you pick her up, attempt to soothe her for all of one minute, get frustrated and hand her to me.

* You have taken a vacation to see your father, and then one to see your old friends. Without me, and without the girls. All by your lonesome.

* When I went into pre-mature labor, and had to go to the hospital, did you care? Did you pick up your phone? No, you said you didn't have any reception.

* You stayed out until 4:30 in the morning last week with your buddies, and until 11 pm last Thursday when you were at a "meeting", yet you gave me crap when I got home having spent exactly two hours shooting pool with a friend.

* You complain that I'm still breastfeeding, but yet if I want to give the baby a bottle of formula, I have to do it, even though YOU SEE that she hates taking a bottle from me.

* You act jealous of the girls.

* When I question all the checks you write, you act like i have no right. listen bucko, we make 3 grand a month together, and you manage to spend everything that I don't use for rent, food and electric. You say it's for gas, well get rid of your big stupid SUV that runs like crap! You are irresponsible with the money, and I can't wait to take my name off of the bank account. I will laugh in your face when you find out how many times you will overdraft because you are too dumb to balance your account.

* You say the nastiest things about your own family, but if I open my mouth to say something, suddenly I don't know anything at all

After all of this, it's me. I'm the controlling bitch, I've got problem, it's never you, right?

I asked you on Sunday for a divorce, and you told me that I'll have to be the one leaving. here's the kicker, I am leaving, you just won't know when. I'll act like everything is fine until then, but I have not forgotten, and I will never forgive. This isn't a plea for you to get yourself together, because I've already made my decision.

Your wife


Anonymous said...

2471 - I could have written that exact post. I try to tell myself that I'm not stupid, that for once, I did want *I* wanted to without first worrying about everyone else. I hope you find happiness.

2480 - RUN. Just get yourself and your kids out of there. I know it's easier said than done but show your kids that self-respect is important. No one deserves to go through what you've listed.

Anonymous said...

To #2480
You go girl..you should be so proud of yourself for not taking his shit anymore.. for some reason men think we HAVE to deal with this shit. I hope you find happiness and thank god you are strong for leave and not say.. "oh i cant leave where am i go go" boo hoo. like most women do... Good luck and i hope you make get out and make it.. he will have to pay child support :)

Anonymous said...

to #2480 - you are way more patient than he deserves, leave as soon as possible

Anonymous said...

#2479 - if you're in Utah... break the mold. The girls that get married so soon and start pumping babies out are not happy. Why do you think we're one of the highest rated states for anti-depressants. Do you have kids? If not, don't. Don't bring them into this marriage you're desperately trying to get out of.

#2480 - why, why, why would you want to continue to have sex and make babies with this man?! Stop it. Get out and stay out for the sake of your kids. and for your sake.

Anonymous said...


years ago my ex tried to smother me with my 2 yr old daughter standing inches away from the couch with her blankie in her arms and her eyes as wide as saucers, as soon as he let me up she climbed onto my lap stroked my bruised and red neck and wiped my tears away with her blankie. I stayed for another 4 years, thankfully my daughter is relatively unscathed, that is rare. take your daughter and run, he is NOT worth it, SHE is.

Anonymous said...

#2471 - You should. . .

Anonymous said...

2478 - If he beats you, he'll eventually beat your daughter as well. Do you really think that little of her?

2479 - Please tell me you don't have kids with ol' Punchy McViolent. And your shirt "came off"? That's how a fourteen-year-old would describe things, not a grown woman. It may be time to work on your issues and stay away from drama for a while.

2480 - What a dick. Good for you for getting out of there! Give his toothbrush a nice swirl in the toilet for me.

Anonymous said...

#2476 - Van Halen is one of the best bands ever, DUH!!!!!

Unknown said...

Before anyone decides to post a comment on here about domestic violence or why a woman doesn't leave that dick of a husband/boyfriend, they need to volunteer at a DV shelter and learn the facts.

Asking why they don't leave is basically reinforcing what their abuser is telling them, that they're idiots and they don't have the brains/guts to do anything about it.

Don't victimize these women anymore than they already are. If anything, encourage them to be the women they know themselves to be. They are strong. After all, look at what they've had to deal with to survive up til now.

Anonymous said...

I think 2471 and 2479 should apologize to their husbands. Whatever the men's issues, they became as bad (or worse) than them when they slutted themselves out with other men and exposed their marital bed to potential diseases.

Anything that goes wrong in a marriage, people think cheating is the answer. You won't go to the ballet with me? Well then, I guess I'll just have to fuck my co-worker. You yelled at me? I have no choice but to blow another man.

Men do it all the time, I know, I know. Since when has it become an accomplishment to be as dumb as men?

Don't you know that once you retaliate that way, you make yourself worthy of whatever negativity he heaps on you? You officially become the lowest of the low. Ladies, if you believe in God, don't violate vows to him just to get back at a man. If you don't believe in God, then simply don't violate yourself. You'll just be a whore in a bad marriage.

Anonymous said...

#2480 - you're one of the strongest woman ever. good luck, you should be proud of yourself!

Anonymous said...

I really hate the preachy shit.

3:52, please, I really do not think you should judge these women like you are. You are not in their shoes.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

3:52 -

People make mistakes. What if I said I thought *you* should apologize to 2471 and 2479 because you were being incredibly harsh to them? That doesn't make any sense-- it's none of my business, really.

Just like it's none of your business what they do. Telling them to apologize is like a slap in the face-- the one already knows she's in the wrong and she feels terrible about it. There's no reason to pour salt in her wounds.

Unless, of course, you're a prick who gets off on the suffering of others while you sit on your high horse and preach at them because they "should have known better".

Cheating in a relationship is symptomatic of a bigger problem. They don't cheat because their spouse is necessarily doing anything wrong... they cheat because they want to, which says that they aren't in the right relationship for them.

Granted, they might have come to that conclusion before sleeping with anyone, but sometimes shit happens.

You, 3:52, need to learn to FORGIVE others their trespasses, as God forgives your trespasses, if you have the cojones to write such bullshit, you'd better have the cojones to choke it down as well. Repent, and forgive those who make mistakes, or God will smite you down.

(Please note the sarcasm that doesn't translate in text-speech!)

Anonymous said...

2471 - I nearly cried because I was so happy to hear that someone else went through what I am going through. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

#2480-you go woman! And don't look back.