I cheated on you. I had already given up on us after months, years, of trying to make it work. And then I met him, and wanted him, and e-mailed him and called him and pursued him and then fucked him and it was mind-blowing. I didn't even know sex could feel so good.
And then you changed. Everything I have been asking for, you're doing, now. Too late. When I slept with him, I ended our marriage. I don't want to hurt you, I just want out. I want to be able to breathe again. I want to figure out who I am.
The thing that kills me is, he doesn't want me. And you do want me. And I want him. And I don't want you.
It makes me hate myself a lot.
You are a really good guy. I respect you, and like you, and even love you. But after all the things that have been said and done, I have nothing left for our marriage. I thought it would be easy and you would respond the way you always have - but you didn't, you are doing everything right. And now it's me, having made this choice to cheat, that's fucked it all up.
And he doesn't even want me. He doesn't call, he doesn't text, he doesn't e-mail...
I feel so stupid.
We were catching up with some friends at the bar. You and I were catching up with each other. A friend commented that she was watching us “lovebirds” chatting away in the corner. I think some people are shocked that we’re still this happy after nine years. I love that my friends want to find what we have.
You think you are punishing me by your angry silence....but the sad truth is that I simply don't care anymore.My exhaustion with your emotional tantrums extends so deeply into the fabric of our marriage that it will be such a relief when we finally split up
I don't know how it is that I am the lucky one to be your girlfriend.
If all the soul crushing crap I had to put up with in the past was payment for the chance to eventually meet you, I would endure it again.
I know you were trying to softly and wordlessly direct our walk through the mall toward that jewelry shop to look at rings.
My heart sped up. I pretended that you were just crowding me. I angled my body away and picked up my step ever so slightly. We walked past as I wondered aloud where the shoe store was... the one we planned to go to in the first place.
Please know that I love you. I love you more than I thought was possible. I wanted to go look at those rings. I want to marry you. You are the one for me.
I just didn't want to cry in public.
(But if you try again, I won't resist.)
I hate these long hours you are having to work.
I miss you so much.
I wish we liked the same kind of music. I wish you were coming to this concert with me tonight. I know you think the music I like is crap, but I don't put much stock into your opinion since you think Van Halen is the best band there ever was. You have poor taste. It's not me.
I am so happy I left my first husband for you all those years ago. He was such a schmuck, and treated me so poorly. The decision to leave him was grueling at first because he and I had been together for so long (from the time we were barely teenagers til we were in our mid twenties), but thankfully I overcame the fear of being alone and got out of that relationship. BTW, I recommend it to any woman who is in the same shoes I was in back then: if you are NOT happy, do NOT keep going through the motions. Leave and find someone who truly cares for you, treats you like a Princess, and would never, ever think of hurting you, not even for a millisecond. Life is too short to be unhappy and underappreciated.
Our relationship started out a little rocky because you and I had both recently gotten out of less than savory marriages, and were dealing with our wacky exes, but somehow we overcame all of that and came out on top. We married last January after being exclusive for 3 years, got pregnant in August, and are now anxiously awaiting our daughter's arrival. I can't help but think that I had to go through that whole crappy relationship with my ex just to arrive here at this point, married to you, waiting for our kid to pop out, and it makes that whole long, drawn out crapfest I called a relationship with him more than worth it. Everything with you is easier. We don't fight much, and when we do, we apologize and laugh about it later. You're my best friend and my closest confidant, and I trust you implicitly. We can't afford fancy vacations or luxury items, but it doesn't matter. Every day with you is a vacation to me. You are my luxury item!
So, I just thought I'd say thank you, and I love you, and I look forward to the start of our family life together, even though it's a little scary to think that we're going to be someone's parents within the next couple of weeks! I think we'll be brilliant together, though. This kid is going to have a lot of love surrounding her.
I love you always,
We have a child that you love very much. I appreciate that. Our baby loves you so much. When she wakes up in the morning, she call for you. I get a little jealous, being as though I am here with her every single day and you come home a couple times a month.
I am so sad and lonely. You have cheated on me and beat me. i am still here. Your family and friends knew and I was clueless. You have taken away my life by your selfish actions. I am so confused and a lone. It hurts so bad. I have no one to talk too but my therapist and I think she has pity for me. Everyone tell me to hold on because you are in medical school and maybe you are stressed. They tell me to take care of you. What about me? Who takes care of me when I am hurting or stressed. I know you study ten hours a day, but i go to work teaching some disturbing children, then I come home to provide for our daughter. She wipe my tears away today. She ask me what was wrong today because after reading your email, i just cried and cried. She;s only 2 for goodness sake. I have to be strong for her. Why do you play these games. I feel so insignificant.
I have been married to my husband for a year and a month. I was 23 when we got married and had dated him on and off for six years. I knew how controlling and an ass he was. I was insecure and i live in a state where if you aren't married and have 2 kids by 24 you are crazy. we got married the 2 of march last year. the fights have gotten progressively worse. he likes to break things and put holes in the walls. he recently broke his wrist when he hit a stud. my husband just fixes the holes. i know that i shouldn't have married him and i see it more and more that we are going apart. i don't want to have sex with him, i find myself drinking or taking sleeping pills to get away.
heres where it gets good......
i met a coworker at work, i am his supervisor so that complicates alot. i found out that he used to live down the street form my grandmas house, she has already passed away. that house meant so much to me memory wise. i found out that he actually had fathered another coworkers child. (before he worked there, she was the reason why he moved down here so that he could be there for his daughter.) well i guess that it didnt work out and so now hes getting ready to go back to where he used to live.
after finding out that he knew my grandmas house he gave me his number to call so that he could send my a picture of the house. well we started to text and flirt at work. the text messages started to get a little dirty. so we decided to hang out. i took him to my favorite place to talk that over looked the city. that night we talked for hours. he said that he was confused and had a little voice in his head that told him not to do anything even though he wanted to. he made a comment about my chest, which is nice if i say so myself and i made the comment that they feel better then they look. it took him a min but eventually felt them.
the dirty messages keep coming. well last night we hung out again and we started to talk and then my shirt came off and we made out and dry humped. then he kind of stopped and said that he felt bad it wasn't against me and that he was so turned on and wanted more but also didn't want to hurt me knowing that he was leaving this Friday and then stammered something like he didn't want to hurt his baby's mom cause he knew that we were friends at work. i was confused and somewhat hurt so i left. today he has been texting me saying stuff like he wishes it would have gone further and that he had fun and would miss me.
so here i am now, and it was funny my husband and i went to where i work to pick up some stuff and my husband drove and he parked next to my flings car that we were in the night before. i feel bad and that i am a terrible wife but than i think of how big of an asshole he is to me and then i don't feel bad.
This is a list of every single sin you've committed over the past year: Sure I may not be perfect, but I think any other woman would have thrown you the fuck out of the house for any of them. I've been patient, but that's over now.
* You've called me a bitch 52 times. Crazy bitch 29 times. Cunt 6 times. and I'm just like my mother 26 times (I've written it down every single time)
* You've called my daughter a pain, a brat, lazy and selfish (She is six years old, you ass)
* You've refused to watch our 9 month old on even one of your days off, even though I take her to work with me every single day.
* You've stopped going to anger management counseling, even though you promised to see it through after you went to jail for punching and choking me when I was holding our 3 week old daughter.
* You've let your family make horrid remarks and comments, and never defended me once.
* You pushed me down again last week.
* Just like you pushed me in the stomach hard enough to make me fall down, and choked me up against the wall at our old house when I was pregnant.
* You accused me of sleeping with my boss, an old friend and an old classmate.
* You refuse to do any kind of activities with the 6 year old, and when you do watch her on your days off, you make her spend all of her time in her room, while you watch TV and sleep all day.
* You continue with the porn magazines.
* You withhold sex. (We've had sex a total of 15 times since the baby was born in the summer, since you also wouldn't touch me while I was pregnant)
* You told me I was fat(5 times when I was pregnant, 3 times after) even though I weigh 125 pounds and am 5'4.If anyone is fat, it's you, lardass. Heaven help me if I say anything though, it's emotional abuse.
* You won't do any of the girls laundry, and heaven help me if I leave clothes in the dryer.
* You make sure that when we buy things, it's always you who need more things, not the girls, and certainly not me.
* When I do make a purchase for myself, you bring it up whenever we fight.
* You bring up everything I have ever told you and use it against me.
* You write checks every day, for big amounts, even though you don't handle the checking account. After all it's up to me to make sure we don't bounce. I have to scramble to get money together to cover all the fucking checks you write.
* When the girls and I are home, and the baby cries, you pick her up, attempt to soothe her for all of one minute, get frustrated and hand her to me.
* You have taken a vacation to see your father, and then one to see your old friends. Without me, and without the girls. All by your lonesome.
* When I went into pre-mature labor, and had to go to the hospital, did you care? Did you pick up your phone? No, you said you didn't have any reception.
* You stayed out until 4:30 in the morning last week with your buddies, and until 11 pm last Thursday when you were at a "meeting", yet you gave me crap when I got home having spent exactly two hours shooting pool with a friend.
* You complain that I'm still breastfeeding, but yet if I want to give the baby a bottle of formula, I have to do it, even though YOU SEE that she hates taking a bottle from me.
* You act jealous of the girls.
* When I question all the checks you write, you act like i have no right. listen bucko, we make 3 grand a month together, and you manage to spend everything that I don't use for rent, food and electric. You say it's for gas, well get rid of your big stupid SUV that runs like crap! You are irresponsible with the money, and I can't wait to take my name off of the bank account. I will laugh in your face when you find out how many times you will overdraft because you are too dumb to balance your account.
* You say the nastiest things about your own family, but if I open my mouth to say something, suddenly I don't know anything at all
After all of this, it's me. I'm the controlling bitch, I've got problem, it's never you, right?
I asked you on Sunday for a divorce, and you told me that I'll have to be the one leaving. here's the kicker, I am leaving, you just won't know when. I'll act like everything is fine until then, but I have not forgotten, and I will never forgive. This isn't a plea for you to get yourself together, because I've already made my decision.