Thursday, April 03, 2008

True Wife Confessions 245 No Fuss Recipes

Confession #2441

It is not necessary to yell at me in front of your parents for reminding you what the doctor said. Since we're on truthful things you don't want to hear: Lose weight. Exercise more. Eat less. Be home on time. Keep your promises. Wash your hands. It is not my fault you hurt your back. It is your responsibility to do the exercises. I am not here for you to yell at.

Confession #2442

If I could give one piece of advice to every female on the planet it would be this: NEVER, EVER, EVER get involved with or marry a man with children that he doesn't have at least joint custody of. If he's fighting for custody or more parenting time, and especially if he doesn't have at least a civil relationship with his ex-wife, your life will be one battle after the next and one drama after the next for as long as there are minor children involved.

You will NEVER come first, your happiness will NEVER top his list of priorities, your time will NEVER be your own. Even when he's taken the child for an outing he will still find some reason to drag you away from whatever you're doing (after all, your interests can NEVER be as important as his!!!) and convince you to do yet one more thing to help him fight HIS battle. And if you DARE to feel put upon because your feelings don't seem to matter, the MOST you'll get from him is a meaningless "do you know how much I love you?" or "you're just the best" ... but words are a cheap commodity my dear ... they are but one more tool in his arsenal.

If you want happiness, find a man who will value YOUR happiness as much as he values his own. Find a man who wants only the best for you and will stop at nothing to see to it that you have it. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER settle for less than the kind of treatment and attention you give the man you love, because once you do, you will NEVER undo the damage. Once he knows you're willing to settle for less and play second class to him, he'll treat you like the hired help he actually believes you are.


Confession #2443

Honey,

I love you so much and you are such a good father to our kids, but....

How many years in a row do I have to cry about how nobody does anything for my birthday before you get the fucking hint that I'd like more than a free e-card?

You don't get me a gift, you don't even get the kids to fold a piece of paper in half and make me a card.

Oh, and me telling you what I'd like you to cook me for dinner, me shopping for the ingredients, me looking up the recipe and me cleaning up afterwards does not count.

Your forty-seven damn years old, how much longer until you can do this by yourself? You KNOW that if I tell you what to do I think it's the same as me doing it myself. Why do you insist on playing this clueless male game that hurts my feelings and makes me feel like your live in maid/sex surrogate?

You know where cake mix is at the grocery store. You know it's important to me. Bake a fucking cake this year.


Confession #2444

I can't get it out of my mind!! Why did you do this to us?? Selfish or sick, I don't know. I go to work and think about it. I come home and look at you walk in the door and you do the dishes and vacuum thinking it will get better. You can't fix my head or my heart. Instead I have no patience and I yell at our innocent kids. Sometimes you just plain @uck. I din't do anything. You did this to us.

Confession #2445

You make me laugh like no one on earth. Part of the reason I am so very much in love with you is our ability to laugh. This morning, when you muttered "I have a fever" and I responded "And the only prescription"....to which you said "Is more cowbell". Its like you live in my head with me - and it is a funny place, indeed.

Confession #2446

I have tried hard to don't even think abou all this. I got married young, not really wanting it, but we had a good life, we still do. Actually if it wasn't for you, this relationship wouldn't work at all. I really apreciate all your effort, and for your forgivness for everytime I trashed you and cheated on you, for being patient with my mood swinging my attempt to kill myself, and in general for not loving you right.
I'm sorry I have messed up so much. It's true that I want to take care of you, and not let anybody harm you. I want to give you back at least some of what you have given me. And I know the one that hurt you the most has been me.
But...why I cant feel passionate about you? why do I feel allright when I'm away from you? Why sometimes it feels like i'm missing something better, when I had personally checked and found nothing but regret....
I promise I will keep trying to live up to my compromise with you. You gave me one mor chance, and I promised not to blew it. And I know im a bitch for missing another man, and feeling sad because I was just and affair for him. I will not fail, I promise, I just wish I could feel good about myself.

Confession #2447

To My Husband:

There's this guy named Galileo, who about 450 years ago proved that the earth revolves around the sun.
SURPRISE! It doesn't revolve around you!

Listen, I've been in the Arts world a long time; I know that a lot of artists suffer from some degree of narcissism. I even struggle with self-centered and the like; but your self-absorption often reaches epic levels. Does every conversation ALWAYS have to end up being about you? Do you always have to find a "better" story to tell? And even better: do you always have to act completely disinterested in everything I have to say? You claim you're listening, but I'm pretty sure you're just waiting until you can talk again about yourself.

I'm a very placid person, and I can put up with just about anything. But if you don't wise up soon, the next time you start talking about yourself I might have to clock you in the jaw. Take a hint: try not to remind me of the husband in Rosemary's Baby.


-Your Wife.



Confession #2448

I have never posted before. I do come here to read and to try to understand why you are the way you are. I lay in bed and ask why.. why are we together..why do you let me do the finances when you know I can't...why did I do everything for you..you are capable...why did I stand by your side in court and listen to what happened, again...why didn't I say something to the other woman when she made her comments...I didn't do anything, you did...you did this to us, not me...I was home with the kids, sleeping...you were out having"fun"....why do I have to pay for this???? Why do I have to forgive you???? I don't know if I want to, but you want us to move on together...I don't know if I can get past this one...I didn't ask for this and I didn't do anything.....Why are you leaving this to me to make the decisions...I want you to be the man and take my hand and show me how to move on together.... Why do I have to be the strong one...I don't want to be anything for you

Confession #2449

I still love you. But increasingly I realize I am not IN love with you anymore. You try so hard, and it's not your fault. We are just growing in different directions. I just can't picture the rest of my life locked inside the walls of trying to avoid setting off your jealousies and insecurities, which are compounded by my resentment of the implications these jealousies imply. I grow resentful of you and your annoying habits, but this is really my problem. I know that there is someone out there who will totally appreciate you for you. That used to be me, but it just isn't anymore. You are, among other things, hard working and brilliant and sweet and caring and kind. Every time I snap at you for what seems to be no reason (sometimes just the sound of your voice irritates me to no end) I feel even worse because you don't deserve to be married to a bitch...and when I feel worse I'm even more likely to be mean to you. We are in a spiral and I don't know how to get out of it except to betray our forever promise. One of these days I'll take that terrifying leap into the unknown of being totally honest with you, no matter how much it might hurt both of us. In the mean time I'm hurting both of us with my cowardice. I'm sorry.

Confession #2450

You are the first person with whom I am completely myself - completely honest. It is terrifying and wonderful. You allow me this space, without judging me. You are everything I ever hoped for in a partner and rather than be upset that I had to wade through all of lifes shit before you, I don't mind so much. Because it helped me know how truly remarkable you are. I share it all - the kinks, the insecurities, the odd fears - and you love it, love me. You are my beloved.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

#2445: I'm laughing with you and DH! What a great story. You guys are someone I'd want to know IRL.

Anonymous said...

#2449

May I suggest that you sit down with him and tell him that you want a separation? It would be better to separate now, while you can still remember why you love him - then years from now when all the love is completely gone. If you really do care about him and yourself, you would muster up the courage to do soemthing about this. Either work on it or cut loose - but either way it sounds like it's best for everyone if it's at the very least acknowledged.

Anonymous said...

#2447

My husband does the SAME thing! When we first got together, I thought it was great how he had a story for every occasion and could captivate a roomful of people; now I realize he is always "on" in that way and expects me to be his audience. We went out to dinner last night and I barely got a word in edgewise as he talked and talked and TALKED about himself. I would try to bring up a subject, he would find a way to turn the conversation back to himself. Eventually I quit trying and spent the last half hour just staring blankly at him as he went on and on and the fucknozzle DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE my obvious boredom and irritation.

I should have taken notice when he told me the last woman he dated before me was always telling him "Not everything is always about YOU!" Obviously, she clued into this personality flaw a lot more quickly than I did.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't it suck that the things that draw us to people and the things that drive us cracy about people are usually two sides of the same coin?

Anonymous said...

2449, I can totally relate to your situation. I am not in love with my husband and we have a shell of a marriage. It's hard because we *do* coexist, peacefully, for the most part, and we have kids - so one thinks, "Why break up this 'happy' home?" But the thing is, it's not happy.

Anonymous said...

#2449

I could have posted exactly what you just posted. I have a beautiful son that I cherish from this marriage but other then that I feel trapped. I too don't know how to get out. Best wishes to you.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

#2442:

You sound as though you're speaking from personal experience.

If you went into the relationship thinking you'd be top of his list, knowing that he has a child (first of all), then you are the one with unfair expectations. Getting involved with someone who has kids means you won't be top of their list, you'll be expected to help take care of the kids at any cost to yourself-- just as if you had those kids yourself. Once you have kids, you get no time to yourself, that's what you sign up for once kids are in the equation. You feeling hurt or resentful that he needs your help is unfair to him-- as his partner, you're obligated to help him take care of the kids, just as if you had borne the children yourself, you'd expect him to help you no matter what.

Your advice is spot on-- either get out or make the best of it.

Enjoy.

Larry said...

2441 I've always loved a woman who won't or don't take the oldmans crap. Isn't it funny how they profess how much they love you and then show the real truth and prove it buy calling you names or yelling at you ... give him what he deserves and yell at him as he does you if he calls you names do the same to him soon they take a hint and stop works for me anyway ...best of luck...

kim said...

for 2441, I am not defending your husband for yelling at you, but pain really does alter one`s personality and can make someone normally easy going really awful to live with.

I know this because I hurt my back this year, and it is finally getting better.

It is good you are honest with him. he does need to hear it. He may not realize he is behaving differently.

Anonymous said...

2449, I can relate! It's such a lonely and painful existence!