Monday, July 02, 2007

True Wife Confessions 194 firecrackers

Confession #1931

Dear Husband,

I was diagnosed with genital herpes yesterday. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and this is my first outbreak. When I asked you about it, you vehemently denied having this, this thing, this disease, this socially unacceptable destroyer. I'm devastated. You have been so distant since I got pregnant, I'm wondering if you cheated and gave me this. If I ever have enough proof of that, I will leave you and take the kids so fast it will make you head spin and your wallet cry. I have never, NEVER had any kind of STD. Now I do, and I'm thinking about those trips you took. Those trips sans me and the kid. Yeah.

I don't care if you don't "feel" like getting tested. You are getting tested and that is the end of it, if I have to drag you in there myself and cut you to get the blood, so heaven help me, I will.

Your once devoted wife,

Confession #1932

Its been two months since you left me and moved out. We said we would work on our issues, but more have come up since you moved into your apartment. I really don't see things getting better. Maybe we are better as friends. You have been out of town for two weeks and I have decided that its time for me to move on. Three years to long enough for you to decide that you really want to be with me. Maybe we should try being with other people and see what happens. In a few short months you will be away from me for an entire year. Maybe after that year things will be better. If we are in a better place and we can really appreciate each other and love each other like we used to I might consider it. But only time will tell what will happen. I do love you and I would love for things to work but I really don't think they ever will. We have been fighting for this for so long that one would thing we would have gotten our shit together by now. You will always be my best friend and I will always love you. But I can't put myself through this anymore. I have found someone else. Funny thing is he has been there all along. He loves me and he loves my son. Wish me luck and be happy for me please. I know it will be hard but its something that we have to do.

Confession #1933

It's been almost a year, (see #258), but we have finally talked. We have finally cleared the air and bared our secrets. I feel so much better about us now. For the first time in a long time, I have hope for the future of our marriage. I love you so much sweetie. Please learn to trust that. Please don't be afraid to be honest with me. If you make a mistake, it's easier to forgive and move past if you will just talk to me. I think you are a wonderful man and a great father. I don't need perfection. I just need your love.

Confession #1934

Why do I feel like I have an overactive sex drive? Most men at 24 would love to have a 21 year old girl climbing all over their manhood! But not you! You are different. You don’t want me to throw myself on you. You don’t want me to dance around in lacy lingerie, You claim you are tired. EXCUSE ME? I work 2 jobs and one of them is the MILITARY! What do you do? Walk around a car lot all day pretending to work until someone walks up.

Tired my ass. What is gonna happen when we finally get married? And when we get older?

And you always say that you think everyone else wants to sleep with me? WELL why wouldn’t they? I am young and hot and I have the sex drive of a teenage boy!!! Look buster, I am telling you now if you don’t start taking advantage of this while you can…..I might just let them do it for you.

Then who will be claiming to be tired???

Confession #1935

I love you from the bottom of my heart. You are good to me a wonderful provider and great in bed. I truly have no complaints.

This is my personal problem. I have always been attracted to Bad Boys and I‘m not saying that you are not, but just not bad enough.

One of your friends and I have been attracted to each other for the past five years, never acting on the attraction…….. Until about three months ago.

When he would come over I would have a hard time staying in the room with him. The attraction being so very strong, I left the room.

You took an over night trip and he came over, walked through the door and made hard grinding love to me on the den floor that you built for me.

I would love to say that it will never happen again, but it will. I love you, he is a toy. If men can do it, so can we.

I love you my darling, I just have it in me to have no scruples….. My Grandmother, Mother and even my oldest daughter don’t either. So please understand its heredity.

Confession #1936

I love you so much, but sometimes I look at you and I hate you. I think
you're stupid, a bad speller, immature, and idiotic. You always clame to
care more about MY feelings than anyone elses but it seems you can
always manage to put your friends before me. You're only "loving" when
in public or around your family. Honey, they know we don't have the
perfect life, it's written all over my face. I wish that when I tell you
I'm filing for divorce that I could actually build up enough courage to
go through with it, but I'm scared shitless of the "what-if". What if I
regret it, what if you never come see the kids anymore afterwards, what
if I can't make it on my pay alone, etc. All I know is that I'm not
happy with you anymore, I can't cry anymore tears, or scream anymore
curse words because I'm all fed up.

Confession #1937

Before we were together, when I was married to my ex-husband, I did some work as a phone sex "actress". My ex worked nights, so I had the house to myself a lot. It was easy, and the money was good. Not long after I started, though, we got divorced. And I wasn't much in the "mood" for it after that.

Now I am in a comfortable relationship again. Even though I go and come freely in and out of your house and spend a lot of nights there, we still maintain separate homes and finances. I have a lot more credit card debt than I have led you to believe. I want so badly to get out from under it, but to do so I really need to get a second job. I am a college-educated woman. I really don't wanna be delivering pizzas in the evenings.

So last night I started back on the phone sex line. I hate that I am doing this behind your back, but as soon as I get out of this debt, I'll quit. I just don't know what else to do.

Confession #1938

To my husband:

I just wanted to say that I love you. You love me, you are supporting me both financially and emotionally as I work toward my long-sought degree. You think I'm beautiful, even a few sizes larger than I was when we met. And I love you. I love you even though you leave your dirty socks by the doorway (thank you for following my "no shoes in the house" rule). I love you even though you wait until I ask before you do dishes (thanks for doing them without a complaint or protest). I love you even though you don't do laundry, because even though I complain I really do prefer the way I fold things, and don't mind laundry all that much. I love you because you are an incredible husband, a freaking fantastic father, an amazing lover, and the best friend I've ever had. Thanks.

I love you. I just thought I should tell you so.

Love, me

Confession #1939

The credit card company closed the old account, and sent you a new card with a new account number. I asked you repeatedly to activate the card. You procrastinated and the card sat on the coffee table. I had to pay the remaining balance on the old card, but the online account access was shut down. I tried to call the credit card company to pay over the phone, or to get the balance so I could send a check. My name isn't on the account, so they wouldn't tell me. I asked you to call the company. You procrastinated.

Now late fees have accrued and your credit score has been affected. Tonight I shoved the phone at you and demanded that you activate the card. Three minutes after you made that phone call (a phone call that only took five minutes of your time!!), I was able to register to pay the bill online. You yelled that I was a controlling bitch. Yeah, well, this bitch gets all the bills paid on time.

God, I just wish you would do what I tell you to!

Confession #1940

I remember when we took the pregnancy test. We were in the bathroom together. When I told you I was pregnant, and your first words were DAM I heard those words, and just got angry at you. How could you say DAM if it was I that told you to please wear the condom. How could you say DAM, if you didn't want me to take birth control pills. I didn't want to have a child so soon after our wedding. I wanted to wait. I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to get to know you more as a husband. I wanted to grow with you.

During my pregnancy around my 20th week. We were told by doctor that we could have sex. Not oral, no four play, nothing!!! This could cause a miscarriage. But no, you had to be selfish and still wanted to lay down and have sex with my. Knowing that we can loose our son. Why? You continued this for the rest of our pregnancy.

During labor, I'll give you that, you were there for me. You stood by my side. You saw that I gave birth to him vaginally. Yet after the birth, you were counting the days until I could have sex again. Finally the day came, and you jumped on me. Didn't care if I was still hurting. You just wanted to fulfill your needs. What about mine?

Now you love our son. Would so anything for me to take you back, you "love" me and our son. If you do love me your wouldn't hurt me physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you do love me you would appreciate me. If you do love me you wouldn't threaten me than you would leave me and the baby.

Now that I refuse to take you back, you realize what you had. I wasn't a bad wife. I just couldn't do the things I wanted to do b/c we got pregnant. I have no control of that.

I don't know if I love you. I don't know if I want you to return. There is so much to think about and I just can't accept that fact that you want me to do what you want to do ONLY!

Do you have someone? Who was that person that took those pictures of you and my son?


Anonymous said...


I hope this is a fake confession. I usually don't comment but I have to on this one. Lady, do you actually believe that twisted logic, that you can't help yourself and it's in your genetics to be an adulteress? And your daughter is one too? Nice. This guy that's a good provider and great in bed and a little bit of a bad boy?

Hopefully he'll lose your sorry ass along with the lousy excuse for a friend who's screwing you behind his back. Hopefully he'll find a classy lady and even better?

Hopefully it's one of YOUR friends. That would be priceless.

Anonymous said...

1935- LMFAO- I love this one - really- I've always wanted to do that. Thanks for the laugh. And 2:35 pm - it's a confession forum - a place to come confess - you are probably mad because it's happened to you - and I see why. Take off the rosed colored glasses - it happens all the time. HA HA MADE YOU READ!

Anonymous said...

1931- so sorry honey- you don't deserve it - but don't for a second let him deny it. If you have been faithful - he's HAS messed around. You may not be able to deliver vaginally now thanks to his needs. You also can't catch crabs from dirty gas station bathrooms- for any women out there who've had that line used on them.

Anonymous said...

1931- I work for a huge company where we take alot of 'those trips - sans kids and spouses' - he cheated on you, and I am sorry. What a schmuck.

Anonymous said...

1931 - I don't really know how herpes itself works, but I have HPV and it's incredibly hard to find out where you got it and by who. You can also have it for years without an outbreak. Maybe he got it before you and never knew until now. Maybe you had it before him and never had an outbreak until now.

Either way, regardless of how you got it, he NEEDS to get tested. I'm sure he has it, if you do. But is there anyway to find out who had it first and who gave it to who?

I wish you luck, and as shamed as you might feel, many people have STD's and many of them were careful and don't let it define you.

Anonymous said...

1934 -- you know what might really turn your man on? A shred of humility.

1931 -- if Loveline is to be believed, 4:35 speaks the truth. Keep your eyes open, but the herpes alone isn't necessarily a smoking gun.

1935 -- getting extramaritally railed by "bad boy" dirtbags is not heredity. It's wallowing in learned helplessness instead to sacking up and getting therapy so you can tolerate a healthy relationship.

1940 -- oh hon, if he's hurt you physically, he'll absolutely do the same to your baby. Stay away from him and find a man who will be kind and gentle to you both! Here's wishing you luck.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry 1935, I am not going to be unkind, but I have been where you've been and I claimed it was in my genes to a degree, but that's nothing but bullshit. you have a CHOICE. you are not 18 with no impulse control. you have the adult mental capacity to make another decision and you chose not to.

I am not going to judge what you did, per se, as that is not my place, and what will come of it might be different for you than for all the rest of us out here... though not likely - we ALL think "but my situation is different."

regardless, don't feed us all this line about how you're powerless over it. you're absolutely, 100 percent kidding yourself.

Anonymous said...

1935 - I don't judge you but I would have more respect for you if you own up to your decision. There is always a choice. None of us are that helpless or that much of a slave to our needs. If you're going to have an affair, do it with your eyes wide open and in control of your decisions. There is always a choice.

Anonymous said...

1931 - why is he so adamant about NOT being tested if he's "innocent." Sure, he could have gotten it before you. YOU could have gotten it before him. I know 2 people with herpes, and they know when and where they got it from.

1934 - Sex is SO important. Don't marry a guy you don't have, at least, good, frequent sex with. It's not going to improve.

1935 - Awww, (wo)man. Why?

1939 - Dude's acting like you were wrong. What's up with that?

1940 - Don't take him back. You deserve better. Your son deserves better.

Anonymous said...

1931 -- when I was first diagnosed with HPV and herpes I had been in a faithful relationship for two and a half years. During that time, we used condoms every. single. time. That means that even if either of us had cheated, the condom would have kept the virus isolated from the other partner. Therefore, the HPV and herpes had been hiding in my system asymptomatically for at least 30 months.

I was terrified when I told him, and hysterical. I slid down the wall, landed on the floor, and started to sob. But he believed me.

This is not to say your husband has been faithful -- it's just to say that it really truly is possible for viruses to hide out asymptomatically for a long, long time.

Your life isn't over. Even your marriage isn't necessarily over. You have every right to be furious, but it's not 100% certain you should be furious at your husband. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Dear 1931:
I have had HPV and got the outbreak mere days after the sexual encounter. I have known quite a few women who have herpes and everyone of them showed symptoms pretty quickly and were able to trace it back. I'm so glad there is a place like TWC to really frankly talk about this kind of shit. In reading what I wrote above I might have judged that girl if it were not me who wrote it. Don't you just love days when you learn something about yourself?

Anonymous said...

I love how 1936 tells us that she hates her hubby and one of the reasons is because he is "a bad speller" then misspells "claims". Just shows that some people get irritated at their spouses over stupid things.


Anonymous said...

I work in the medical field and I'm not so sure that herpes "hides out" like HPV. I've heard of HPV hiding out for up to 10 years. Please check with your doctor on this. And have your hubby checked, not only to see if he has it but to 'treat' it. That's too bad, herpes and hepatitis are the biggies I will teach my children about. Sure AIDS will kill you, but the others you live with forever. ALWAYS use protective protection, ALWAYS keep your pants up!! And even now a-days even when you're married!

Anonymous said...

anon 7:56 - condoms do NOT protect against herpes and HPV. It's from ANY skin to skin contact in the genital areas.

And the person carrying the viruses does NOT have to be having an outbreak to transmit it.

I agree with anon 10:33 - the people I know who have HPV (myself included) did not know they had it until they got an abnormal pap, though some strains of HPV can cause genital warts, most do not - they cause cervical dysplasia which can quickly turn to cancer if left untreated/unmonitored.

The few people I have known who have herpes knew right away. And having been in what they thought were exclusive relationships, had no trouble figuring out where/who they got it.

There is no test for HPV in men, therefore, that is the reason it is more difficult to determine where/who you may have gotten it from. There is, as we all know, a test for herpes in men. A bit easier to tell where/who you got it from.

Additionally, stress (e.g. being pregnant) can trigger herpes outbreaks, not so for HPV unless you have a strain that causes warts.

Anonymous said...

Regarding 1935- if alcoholism can be determined as genetic - why can't adultery? I'm willing to bet some psycho therapist out there one day will agree. Gay people are BORN gay - so they say- what's the difference????

Anonymous said...

I'm 1931: Thank you all for for commenting. You have no idea how hard this has been for me to accept. a freaking STD. I just can't get over it. My husband swears up and down that he has never cheated. I have no idea what to believe anymore.
But Thank you. All of you.

Anonymous said...

1931: Make him go with you, and good luck.Hopefully, you'll be ready for the results.

wow, almost a year and you were able to clear things out. that's great. Congratulations. I wish there were more cases like yours.

I can't imagine how you feel about making decision about your future and your kid's...but sometimes we won't know until we make changes. It will be hard but maybe things will changes for good.
Good luck.

I am sure your husband knows.

why man have to be so stupid sometimes?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Thanks god you have time and patient.

He's not worth it. don't worry if he as somebody else in his life...
Move on with your son and be happy.

good luck.

Anonymous said...

if alcoholism can be determined as genetic - why can't adultery?

Even if it were, so what? Plenty of alcoholics quit drinking, or know better than to ever start.

Anonymous said...

1130am -what about those people who claim to be born gay? Genetic or a choice?

Anonymous said...

the other scary thing about HPV is that it's said that 80% of sexually active people have it. Most do not know until a strain of genital warts appears and by then, how can you know exactly who you got it from? I know many people who have HPV/Warts and most of them weren't "sluts" or "whores". And all of them slept with less than 5 people in their life, so it's nothing to feel dirty about or feel like you're the only one.

Your hubby is probably just scared about been labeled, just as you are. Suggest going together, or ask him to go with you for support and maybe he'll change his mind being there. Chances are that he does have it, since you do. But if you trust him and really believe him, then that's all that matters.

Anonymous said...

Good for your for getting away. A man that hurts you is an abuser, and a man that forces you to have sex is a rapist. Please, please do not let this man back into your life.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you're an idiot! When a person is born gay that means they don't have a choice in who they are attracted to, not who they decide to have sex with (many, many gay people are in monogamous relationships btw). I'm attracted to firemen but that doesn't mean I cheat on my husband just because one is in the room. Being attracted to someone is a whole different ballgame than acting on that attraction.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to clear up a little point about the whole herpes thing. As someone that actually does have this STD, I've done a bit of research on it. Yes it can be dormant for years, after my first outbreak 7 years ago, I've only had one other outbreak. Compare it to a coldsore, sure you may get them, but not often-same thing. Outbreaks are brought on by stress, diet, pregnancy, even exposure to UV rays.
You can also get the STD through oral sex, if your partner is in any stage of having a coldsore, before, during, after...scary.

Also, 1931, you can ask your husband to get tested but if he's EVER had a coldsore then the virus will show up in his system. The only accurate test is if he's having an outbreak, then they will swab those sores. At least that was the case back when I was first diagnosed.

Trust me, it's not the end of the world. It just seems like it right now, I was devastated for years, but you get over it. I hope you find the answers to your questions!

Anonymous said...

"if alcoholism can be determined as genetic - why can't adultery?"

There are millions of sober alcoholics out there right now. And while we all feel sorry for those not able to be sober, no sane person advocates staying in a relationship with an alcoholic who can't keep alcohol from ruining his/her life. I suppose it's possible that the thrill of illicit sex would cause the same mental "rush" as alcohol does for an alcoholic...but that wouldn't make such behavior any less destructive for someone's partner, just as one's genetic tendency toward alcoholism doesn't make the active practicing of it any less destructive for someone's partner. Staying faithful is hard. Many people struggle with it. You can't control who you're attracted to, but you CAN control what you do in response to that attraction. Stay faithful, don't stay faithful, but either way, own your choice rather than trying to portray it as something over which you have no control.

Anonymous said...

1931: Everyone above has given great advice. I was diagnosed with herpes in 1989, but haven't had a single outbreak since. Who knows what the deal is with this STD. Viruses are some of the least understood little buggers that affect us.

In the meanwhile, do what you need to do to have a healthy birth/baby. Best wishes for that, here's hoping it all goes really smoothly!

1934: When you "finally get married"!? Um, don't get married to this one, m'kay? You don't even like each other.

1935: Heredity! That's a good one. Dumbass.

1936: "clame"?! Excellent. Glass houses, my dear...

1937: Don't feel guilty. Do what you need to do.

1939: So, wanting the bills paid on time makes you a controlling bitch? What would you be if you wanted, say, the brakes in your car serviced?

He's an asshole.

1940: You do NOT want this person to return. Do the best for you and your son... keep him away from both of you.

Anonymous said...

to #1931:

i agree with 12:47 and 11:18. i have herpes and got it from a guy who didn't exhibit any symptoms of the disease.

cheating is one issue, and in the grand scheme, herpes (will) become(s) a non-issue.

i hope for your sake that you work this out. stress can worsen the symptoms of HSV, so for the health and comfort of you and your baby, i hope that you can find a way to get through this...

Anonymous said...

Damn, I wouldn't have sex with you either. You need to get over yourself first. Your boyfriend is only with you because you are attractive, but he hates you as a person.