Friday, July 06, 2007

Don't poke mom with a stick, kids.

A Blog Called Malice!

Haha. See what I did there? Used the last post title and changed it a smidge?

Sorry. I need to make the little jokes.

I started this post as an email to the DSS group. I still may send it out to them, I haven't yet decided.

It's True Wife.

I am conflicted.

It is as if My baby has grown into something I don't like anymore. However, like all the best co-dependent relationships - I still NEED it. It is - somewhat sadly - how I am making a majority of my income right now.

And it is about to go onto Lifetime's web site. Excerpts only, but with links back.

So - the other day, a confession comes in regarding another confession. In it, there is an implication that I made negative comments about the poster. Then it called the site ugly.

So first, I got mad - cause that is what I do. I mean, I assure you - if I wanted to talk trash, I would do it. How dare this person insinuate that I was bashing her. ME!?! Hah! I am the least bashy person ev-ah. Unless you are taking too long at the ATM. And even then, I temper it with humor. I mean, it's MY issue, really.

And then I realized that Yes. The site is ugly - sometimes. But it is also beautiful, sometimes. I mean, a few confessions ago there was one about a woman who was diagnosed with Herpes while pregnant and she was very angry with her husband - accusing him of cheating.

The comments that came in were the essence of what I love about TWC. It was a virtual hand hold. A "Yes, this may be true, but there are lots of other things to consider..." and sharing of personal information and stories. No one absolved him of the possibility that he had given her this virus, but at the same time there was compassion and information and humanity shared.

THAT is what I have always loved about TWC. That is why I have refused to censor the confessions, even if I find something personally sketchy. I mean, who am I - really? Just a chick writing on the internet. I have ideas. I sometimes follow through on those ideas. I sometimes hate my life. I sometimes love my life. I have had enough life experience to know that things aren't always what they seem and that the most damage I have done to myself was during times when I was pretending to be something, someone that I am not.

And now? I feel like one of my kids has become the John Wayne Gacy of blogs. Ugly. And I don't like it.

And I don't know what to do.

Cross posted from my personal blog - I am doing the best I can

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just keep on keepin on. This site is the highlight of my day. The trolls will come, the trolls will go. Don't mean people suck?!

You have started a great thing here, Dawn. An outlet for frustration, love, hate, regret - for all emotions possible - even jealousy and judgement. It is a beautiful thing. Don't let someone elses issues shut this site down. Please.

Anonymous said...

Dawn - I agree whole heartedly with 2:38 - keep them coming. There are days I get on here and laugh only because my life isn't the only screwed up one on the planet. I also see myself and my old relationship in these confessions.

A few of my co-workers and I trade of our Favs - example #1069 it really made us smile for days.

Keep up the great thing you have going here.

Yes, I too agree, Mean people do SUCK!

Anonymous said...

Dawn,
There's a lot that is still beautiful about this place. I know it gets ugly sometimes. But I still learn something new about myself or my world every time I come to visit TWC.

n said...

This site is really a place for any one of us to go to and escape for a while. It will either remind you of something or someone in your own life, thankful for what you have, aware of what you need, but essentially it's everything that life truly is - and that means the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And to have a place that invokes such emotion, good and bad, is extremely powerful and I think really shows how deep people are.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading you for a long, long, long time. Since the beginning really. I was the "truth hurts" person. Listen, Dawn, it is what it is. An insult from a person who thought she was going to come here and laugh off what she was doing. Some wouldn't let her and she lashed out at you. It would be a complete pity if you were to let someone like that label your site ugly. Sheesh People! Way worse things have gone on here than what just transpired. You rock Dawn!

Anonymous said...

Dawn, don't give up on TWC. Not everyone is going to love it, or get it. It's the ones who do that count. For every offended person, there are likely ten who got something positive out of it.
Your blog baby is not a bad seed, just a plant with a few peculiar offshoots.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I love the site. I also read it with a grain of salt, assuming that there are some true confessions, some fantasy confessions, and some embellished confessions, but they give it the qualities that make it so compelling. Who's going to tune into the "Everyone's happy and we all get along like Sesame Street Muppets" saga?

As with any well-trafficked site, catfights, trolls, jerks, prigs and frauds are inevitable, but it's yours, so deal them (or don't) as you see fit.

cas said...

I hope you won't discontinue the site. For me, it's almost theraputic. Being out of a long, disfunctional (in hindsight) relationship, it is good for me to come and read some of these confessions and know that I am not the only woman who happened to pick a loser. And then there are those confessions that give me hope that there are some great guys out there.

My mom always says, "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't." Don't let the overly critical people get to you. Because, if you don't mind, they don't matter.

Anonymous said...

As an original poster this site allowed me to get off my chest some feelings that were festering. I agree, the trolls come in then they leave in hopes of pushing all your buttons and causing drama. Avoid them and keep on keepin on.

Anonymous said...

Dawn-
I couldn't agree more with what's already been said. I love checking this site for updates! I've only been married just over a year, but already I've read some posts I can relate to...some that make me grateful for the fabulous man I have, and some that remind me when I'm upset that things could be so much worse.
If it's a true confession site, then there will be good and lovely and bad and ugly things. I don't even think you should censor or delete the comments sections. Everything about this site is a way for wives and girlfriends and others to feel like we're not alone with the good and bad we have in our lives!
One final note - remember that this is probably the only place that these legitimate confessions can be heard in anonymity. It would be a shame for that to be taken away because of a few trolls.

Anonymous said...

Why not just have it like True Mom confessions. Instead of comments, just have a "me too" buttons. This way no more ugly comments.

S:E said...

Since I found your page I have even change my perspective of marriage, not bad not for good but your site have made me think a lot.
English is not my first language but I understand perfectly all the confessions here. I feel for every woman.

Please ignores those silly comments. Your site is great and not matter what they think or say, you have readers like me that are always here.

Please keep it up.

Anonymous said...

This is poster 1880, who had an overseas embryo transfer in order to get my son.

I am here to tell you that this site, especially the comments, may actually help generate another life: i.e. give me courage to try for his little brother or sister. What we did was controversial; I've never told the whole story to ANYONE. But every single person who commented on my post was supportive. All of them!

If this site is a representative sample of women, as otherwise it seems to be, maybe I'd get way more support in my little town than I'd ever have guessed. Maybe I've been carrying all this worry around for no reason, or not reason enough. How would I ever have known this without the comments being enabled?

Even with the occasional troll or catfight, this still feels like a better place for the honesty the comments bring.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, The one truth my mother told me as a child was that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There are all kinds of beautiful, and TWC is beautiful in many, many ways. This blog has given a voice to thousands of women who were hurting, frightened, lonely, confused, angry, sad, joyous, celebrating, victorious, loved, loving, hopeless and hopeful.

What could possibly be more beautiful than giving a voice to these women? Even with the trolls and triffling of some readers, we who have lent our voice to TWC thank you and ask that you continue the beautiful work you're doing.

The beauty of TWC blesses us all.

Lola

reddragonsangel said...

hey Dawn- please don't kill this site- honestly- you must understand how many times I have confessed- or I have agreed. But just like when we send our kids off to school - when you let you baby be in the hands of others - it's not so much yours anymore. Your baby will pick up quirks from others that will make you crazy! And some days you will think...what the hell? But know that even tho women tend to attack eachother - why- I do not know- but it seems to be a fact of life- better to shove down someone that is "worse" than you - so no one notices what you really are? You have an amazing site here and on your others- and to not censor it is HUGE! I understand your quandry -but there are somany of us that really need this and you... don't let it get you down- and hey what's wrong with being famous on the internet? LOL ((HUGS))

clbodden said...

::smacks head against the wall:: Come on people, we had a good thing here! Why did you have to go and threaten to ruin it?!?!?!?!

I love this site! I love that I can get feedback in the comments. I love that I can voice my frustrations here, get it out of my system, and then rationally address the issue with my husband. I love that I can be told "You're right." because even if that is not the important thing, it's nice to hear every once in a while, because I never hear it at home.

Anonymous said...

Dawn,
I've never posted a confession here. Some else posted mine for me well before I knew of this creation of yours and when I found that in the archive I felt...relieved and overwelmed.
There are haters everywhere but this blog is a good thing I believe.
Be brave, please, you are needed.
L

CH said...

Sometimes, life gets ugly. I love this blog. It let's us know that no matter what you're going through you're never alone. SOMEONE out there understands. Chin up Dawn! You've created a good thing here.

Anonymous said...

this is the first time i've ever been compelled to comment.

you know, there is a certain "ugliness" to the site. it can be painful. sometimes i feel really gross after i read TWF.

but other times...

i read confessions of the way nasty husbands treat their wives, and i think, "uh oh. i've treated *my* husband like that." sometimes it's a reality check for my OWN bad behavior.

and then, reading about some of these husbands makes me grateful for mine. he's not perfect, but he's damned good. reading these confessions makes me thankful for what i have.

so keep at it. it's not only about venting - it's about healing and growing, too.

i think this blog is going to be famous.

Anonymous said...

Love you Dawn - it's a cruel cruel world out there.

Anonymous said...

I love this site. I check it daily. Writing my feelings down helped me through my Divorce. I don't know what I would have done without it.

Suzanne

Anonymous said...

I have also never posted anything. But your site is one of my "favorites". You are doing a great job! THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

I agree, this site is definitely a good one, and one that makes you realize that you aren't the only person out there who has fallen for the wrong man or done something you might not be overly proud of. The truth is we all have skeletons in our closet and if you decide to air them here then you should expect a wide range of feedback, good and bad. If you're coming here to absolve yourself of something that you know is wrong, you might get some of that, but there are also people who will call you on it. We might not judge you, but we'll call you on your bs... that's what this site is about. Some people just need to look at themselves in the mirror before passing judgement, I think they're just scared of what they'll see. This site isn't what's wrong with people. I think this is a great thing.

Anonymous said...

dawn,

i really think what happened was one person, with one confession came on here to post it and had a certain expectation of how it would be received. maybe this person didn't realize that, although the confessions are anonymous, this is still a PUBLIC FORUM in which commenters share their opinions accordingly. when those commenters didn't embrace her confession with the loving kindness she was expecting, she lashed out at the site and, more unforgivingly, against you, dawn.

this is what i wholeheartedly believe about true wife confessions and your role in it: i believe that you are merely the conduit for these confessions (which, in many cases, we can't or won't share with others in our lives) from our keyboards to the blog. i think for someone to call you out personally in this situation is just plain wrong.

i could make some further statements about the person who made the confession--especially in light of the vitriol leveled at you and this blog in the wake of the comments made about the intitial confession--but i won't. that person is clearly in need of the kind of perspective that an anonymous webpage is in no way equipped to provide.

Dana - Waist Like Wire said...

Dawn,

I don't think that the many should be punished for the acts and attitudes of the few.

Most of us come to read and help each other and in so doing learn about ourselves and even coping mechanisms for our own lives.

I am so happy that I found this blog. I found it at a very difficult time in my life and it helped and is in fact still helping me get through some things.

I know the day will come when I need to pen a confession and on that day I would like to know that I have someone to confess to

Anonymous said...

time to time i have to stop reading this site. i find it less than supportive. i wish i felt like it was a safe place to "post". i relize this is probably one bad apple spoiling the bunch, but there are more supportive sites out there.
----sorry---------

Anonymous said...

8:17 - ditto. I've been slammed more times than I care to admit - makes me say "TWC who?" The girl came to confess and look at what it turned into - everyone is passing judgement on the fact that she called it genetic - who here, I ask is certified to say it's not? Other than sheer opinion? It's people like 1935- who are REAL- that make me come back and read.

jenner said...

I agree with everyone who says how wonderful this site is. However, it is up to you Dawn - if you find this site to be more toxic than it's worth, if you are really hating it, then I think you have to do what's right for you. I would hate to see it go, but if you don't get any joy from it anymore, then it's definitely time to consider letting it go. I would support whatever decision you made.