Friday, May 25, 2007

True Wife Confessions 186 songs on my mini ipod

Confession #1851

You are the true love of my life. Thank you for everything you are and for everything you do for me and the boys. I appreciate your strength, big heart and all the selfless ways you help people. Even the people who don't deserve it! Without you, my life does not make sense. ILYWAMH LOML

Confession #1852

For 15 years I have been with you. My first and only lover. 4 children and countless sacrifices later and I don't know what I have. There are times when I love you so much it hurts and then there are time when I don't even know you. When I was really sick and needed you, you made me feel like it was all in my head. Now I have been diagnosed with depression. Will you be there for me now or am I once again alone?

Confession #1853

I am trying so hard to make this work. I feel ashamed of the way I feel. When we met, we were both young and in shape. When I got pregnant. You stayed away from me -physically. You said,
"I'm not into big girls" .
Well, three children later and I am finally back in shape. I watch what I eat. I exercise and now you all the sudden are *into* me again.
However, you gained over 100 pounds in the 11 years we have been married and now, to be honest.....
I am just not into you anymore.
If I saw you TRYING to loose weight. I saw you making an EFFORT to be healthy- I think that would change how I feel.
Eating a sandwich, chips and whatever else, in BED after I made a healthy dinner just three-four hours prior just pisses me off.

Confession #1854

i really appriciate that we have been together for as long as we have and you have yet to fart or even annouce that you are using the bathroom. you only go number 2 when you are taking a shower. but really babe...flush as soon as you're done! you take a dump, then leave it in the toliet and take a shower. sometimes i need to get in to pee, or just grab something from the bathroom, but when i open the door and i am assulted with the stench of steaming shit, i want to kill you!!! so start flushing before you get in the shower. if it happenes one more time i am going to have to embarass you and let you know. maybe you cant smell it, but it fucking reaks.

but i still love you poodle

Confession #1855

Im secretly wanting to leave..Im a lesbian..I have been for a long time..Im just scared that I wont be able to make it on my own with 2 kids..Ive found the most wonderful woman..She brings me more happiness and joy than you or any man has...Ive told her that I would run away with her if she could leave..I dont hate you or anything..To tell the truth I love you dearly..But I cant love you like you want...Im gay honey...

I wish I could say that to my husband..But I cant..

Confession #1856

You know what? I quit, I give up, you win. That's what you want to hear right? You want to hear that I just give up and you get things your way, I mean that makes your life so much simpler in the end anyway. If I give you both worlds then your life is everything you want it to be, who cares about me and the way that I feel? Yes I know you say you only want to make me happy and that it makes you feel horrible when I'm sad, especially when I'm sad because of you, and I believe you, I really do. However, that doesn't stop what's going on, those words and apologies have come to mean very little to me lately. You don't follow any of your words with the actions that you should, and even worse the actions that you've started you've failed to follow through with. I know none of this is easy on you, and I know the repercussions, but seriously, grow a pair already. Do something about what you keep telling me you want so badly. I realize I've been patient so far, and I realize I've probably only enabled this further, but that will run out at some point. I will get fed up with all this, and all these games. I hate playing games, and for the past year that's all this has been.

I do love you, that became incredibly clear to me this past weekend. I've never wanted to say those words to anyone so badly in my life, but I won't. You will never hear me utter those words to you until a lot of things change, and at this point I don't know if they ever will. You have no idea what this is like for me, no idea how hard it is to watch you walk away. In a way, it breaks my heart every time and I have to wonder how long you expect me to be able to do this, to be able to play this game. I don't think I'm strong enough to walk away from you, from the way you make me feel. I've never felt this way about anyone, never gotten butterflies in my stomach the way that you give them to me… still, after all this time. The idea of losing you makes me sick, and the thought of staying in this situation much longer makes me sick. Seems like a lose/lose situation either way, and so I'm trapped. But, God, do I love you… I never thought I could love someone this much, or meet someone who accepts everything that you do about me. I've never had anyone look at me the way you do, or want me as much as you do either, and for that, my heart keeps breaking.

Confession #1857

To my ex-husband:

I don't understand why you think there is still a chance for us to get back together. After being separated for 3 years, begging you to go to couples therapy with me for almost a year in the beginning, and all of the interference of your mother IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!! It has been for a long, long time.

I also don't understand why it's ok for you to date but I start dating and you say it is a "slap in the face." WTF???????? I take care of our kids all the time, work full time and can't enjoy life? You quit your job (or were fired, don't know for sure) and sit on your a** all day playing Xbox and surfing the net for God knows what. (We won't go into your online habits right now) So I don't see why it is such an issue for you to spend a day or two with our children. I know you think you ruin my plans when you call me to come and pick them up, but my mom sees right through you and watches them so I can still go out.

I hope that you find someone who is as draining on you as you have been on me for the past 5 years.

Confession #1858

I am so much in love with you. I am also scared. I wasn't brought up to manage feelings like this, and I know I haven't been a good girlfriend. I've been married and divorced twice before, and I know I've hurt you greatly in the not-so-distant past. You have hurt me, too, but not nearly as much. I really don't deserve to be this happy. You are leaving your family to move 1,300 miles away to be with me, and that means more to me than you will ever know. I fall deeper in love with you every single day. I have just never known these kinds of feelings, and I'm terrified something will go wrong and I'll lose you. You moving in with me is such a huge commitment. I can't decide what scares me more... losing you or making this commitment. It's time for me to grow up and face my fears, though. I will be here for you every day for the rest of my life. You are my forever. We'll face this together.

Confession #1859

I made a decision when I was walking back to work from lunch just then. I am leaving you. I cannot handle this anymore. You are sick and depressed but quite frankly it is not my problem. It seems such a waste to walk away from 11 years with you.

You don't love me enough to get well. You are too busy being wrapped up in your own misery. It is not job to fix you. Help as much as possible, yes. Fix you, no. And I can't fix you because you don't want to be fixed.

I am 26 years old and living like a 70 year old woman caring for her ailing husband. It's not fair. I want to LIVE. You keep telling me you want to die. I don't think you do really. I think you want me to feel bad because you feel bad. Congratulations. That tatic has been working quite well.

I worry, worry, worry about the house and our combined debts and our combined bank accounts and our combined friends. It came to me about half an hour ago. These things can be resolved. One thing at a time. But I will be miserable and unfulfilled for the rest of my life if I stay with you.

I love you very much but its time I started loving myself too. Or I will end up a hollow shell of a person. Lonely and sad.

You don't treat me well enough or care enough about me for me to give one more iota of myself to you. I'm sorry but it's time for me to start living. I really, really hope you do too. Because despite my decision and what I am about to do in about 3 hours time I want you to be happy too. But you have to make yourself happy. Stop expecting me to magically make it all better. It's just not going to happen.

Confession #1860

i hate you for still being friends with you ex ( she looks like a fish btw). . . .i find it disrespectful. . . i wish i could be friends with my ex now so you would feel the insecurities and hate that im feeling now.

I'm trying hard to raise our child alone and this what i get from you my simple request was not to talk to her but you could never do it even if you keep telling me i'm the only one you love i don't give a damn i just don't want her in OUR lives.


Anonymous said...

I know this is terrible, but I'm laughing at 1853's husband. Karma's a bitch.

Anonymous said...

#1859 - Hard decisions are never easy to make. Good luck.

Unknown said...

anon 12:30 - I'm with ya LOL

"Sorry, I'm not into big boys"


1857 - way to stay strong & recognize his bullshit for what it is. Gotta love double standards, eh?

1859 - I'm where your hubby is right now - at least I HAVE been, doing better lately - and you are 100% CORRECT. It is NOT your job to fix him. Like you say, help him as much as you can, but if he can't summon the strength to even go see the doctor, to at least START getting better, then, yeah, it's only gonna drag you down more.

It's hard to get help, it's so much easier staying miserable. It takes a LOT of effort to get the help you need. But it's possible, so if he won't do it - then yeah, I reiterate, I agree with you. PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

Good luck! :)

Anonymous said...

1854--You were lucky enough to get a guy that doesn't fart in front of you, doesn't announce he needs to shit and seems to have nice manners about bodily functions? And yet you bitch about him not flushing the toilet when before he gets into the shower??? You are rude. You want to know why I take a dump and then don't flush? It makes the water that more off temp. Why don't you show him the same respect and NOT go into the bathroom when he's in there?? Maybe he thinks he'll have privacy and doesn't like it when you barge in but is being too polite to tell you how RUDE you are? You can't take a piss before he gets in or wait a few minutes for him to be done before you need to get something out of the bathroom? Geez, I hate when women bitch about the stupidest little things. Grow up and show some manners!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you guys, 1853 needs to let her man know that she's unattracted to him because he's fat. How come we women must remain beautiful and attractive and men can let themselves go and we are supposed to turn a blind eye?

Melissa said...

1860, you are not wrong to feel that way about it. not that you needed me to confirm that, I'm just agreeing with you.

Anonymous said...

1859: I have a friend of a friend that is married to a bi-polar alcoholic and she's pregnant. For her, worrying and taking care of him and constantly trying to keep him on his meds and out of the bar is a full time job as it is. He does the same things as your husband. Says he wants to die, hates his life, blah blah blah. All he wants is her to carry him. She can't. Neither can you. It's a sad thing because it is a medical condition. However, they have to be willing to seek treatment to get better and if they won't, it's just like any other problem that goes will ruin you. Good luck to you. It's a HARD decision to leave someone who is clinically "ill". But, you can't save a drowning person that's not willing to swim a little.

Anonymous said...


I am divorced, have a child with my ex, and no matter how much I hate her for her meanneass and want nothing to do with her, unfortunately I have to keep in contact because of my child. I hope you widen your views, sometimes the choice is not ours to make.

Sarah said...

I like reading confessions like yours. It gives me hope. :)

this is the time, when his love for you, will be proven. Hopefully, he'll be there for you. Good luck.

Why don't you just tell him? HE TOLD YOU. Go right ahead. TELL HIM. Maybe he will feel motivated.

Uhmmm, that's a big decision to make. But, if you are sure, don't let time goes by...
Good luck.

Wow, reading your confession made me think about some of the decisions i have made in the last 4yrs. i am scared of commitment...and 4yrs ago i let my fears win over. I thought i was going to fail with HIM...wasn't good enough..this and that...
I let FEARS TAKE OVER ME. You have no idea how much I regret it.
Just be sure and happy that's what you want. Face it with him at you side.
good luck.

The first thought that came over me, was HOW Selfish is she! HE as major depression and she's thinking about leaving him! But know what...
you're right. HE wants YOU depress as he is. DO NOT LET HIM. IF he doesn't want to get help, too bad.
BUT MOVE ON before it's too late.

Anonymous said...

3:28 you need some anger managment counsling.

i understand. i am there. the only thing i can tell you is that men are different in there frienships than women. my dh is very civil and caring, but could care less about her personal stuff.just remember he is with you.

Anonymous said...

I'm 3:28. I'm not angry and don't need anger management, but some people need to realize how lucky they have it and not bitch about the little things in life. Or one day she'll be on here complaining that her man left her for some one else.

Anonymous said...

1860 - Grow up; it's not disrespectful!

Anonymous said...

it can be if 1860 already set the rule not to be with ex :)

Anonymous said...

To 1855...So glad you have found yourself. Tobad you ever got married. You stay because your afraid you would not be able to support the kids. What makes you think you will get the kid's? Not judging, just giving food for thought.