Monday, May 07, 2007

True Wife Confessions 181 Volkswagon

Confession #1801

I love our new house. I love the big bathroom with the matching walk in closets.

I hate that you never close your closet door.

I close your closet door at least 4 times a day.

I get up in the morning. I close the door.

I go to shower. I close the door.

I go in to pee after you've left for work. I close the door.

I go in to brush my teeth. I close the door.

I'm going to start leaving it open so that the bathroom door hits it when you go in.

Maybe you'll remember to close your freaking closet door after you whack into it a few times.

Confession #1802

Why? Why do I seem to fall so easily into old habits and why is it so difficult to pull myself back when I see myself doing it? Why do I let a person who has proven himself to be incapable of telling the truth convince me that I am the one who is always wrong? Why do I let him push all those same buttons when I know he is just doing it to make me angry? Why isn't there a disconnect switch somewhere in my brain that allows me to say "He is just trying to upset you to make himself feel like a big shot. He doesn't even know what he is talking about"? It is a completely true statement. I KNOW THIS! Why is it so hard to feel it? I dont love him anymore. I don't want him back. I am not jealous of his girlfriend. Lord knows her life is going to be a little spot of Hell once the new wears off and she becomes the easiest, most available target when he needs his sick little ego boost. So why does it still hurt when he says the same things he used to say before? Why are those buttons still available for him to push and how do I find that friggin disconnect switch?

Confession #1803

You asked me to change many things about me, which I did. All the while you
never tried to change one thing about you. You don't know this yet, but you
have until my birthday next year to make some changes. Good luck, cause this
may be good-bye. I have always loved you, and still do. I just deserve
better than this.

Confession #1804

You expected me to not be mad... you invaded my privacy. Ok maybe what I have been doing is wrong, but part of the reason that drove me to him is the way you invade my privacy and the way you lie. I don't trust you and I don't love you. You read my personal letters. You asked how I felt about him, you asked if I had feeling for him. I told you that I thought I felt a specific way about him but I was wrong, that wasn't a lie, that day you made me realized that I am so totally in love with him that I would go to the ends of the earth to be with him. I have tried to talk to you about our relationship before it got to this point and you shut me down and turn it on me all the time. I tried to tell you that the way you treated me was not ideal, I told you what I needed, all I wanted was to be loved the way I used to love you. You neglected me, you sat on you fat lazy ass all day doing nothing while I busted my ass at work. You never said nice things to me. I couldn't even bring myself to make love to you anymore A) because you smell and B) cause "Hey baby wanna do it" isn't foreplay. I have tried so hard to make it work, but face it, it is over. I know the only way I can get you out of MY house is by force and I will if I have to. We still talk all the time, he still sends me letters but I just hid them better. You asked what he has that you don't and here it is, i told you but you don't listen. He calls me the most sweet names, he says the kindest things to me, he supports me no matter what I do, he listens to me and is a shoulder to cry on and I do the same for him because he shares feelings, he loves me for me, he loved me before he knew what I looked like, he does sweet things for me just to show me he cares, he calls just to say hi and that he is thinking about me (not to keep tabs on me), he is not a selfish lover he makes sure I have an orgasm before he does and the he gives me another after he is finished, he loves to give me pleasure, he is really truly Mr. Right. Oh yeah and he has a job. So please just go and let me be happy. We aren't married, we don't own anything together and we have no children together, if you really "love" me like you say you do, please just do like I asked and leave so I can be happy.

Confession #1805

When you are away, instead of hanging the clothes on the line ( like you prefer me to do) I use the dryer. I know you like the way they smell when they have been out on the line and that is saves energy/money - but GOD DAMN, sometimes I just want to get through the laundry not experience pioneer life.

Confession #1806

Last night was the first time in a year that we had the opportunity to be alone. Our son spent the night at a friend's house. You worked late, went to practice, and then came home long enough to tell me that you were going out. You came home at 10:30 and fell asleep in the recliner, you didn't even bother coming to bed. I feel like I was slapped in the face.

Confession #1807

you are my husband, and i love you. i don't WANT to hurt you. but, how can you not see that your extreme highs and lows make me feel like i am on a rollercoaster. i want to get off.

why do u need to belittle me? i'm smart - does it intimidate you that i could always get a better paid job than you?

screaming "LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU" in a restaurant, with MY friends at dinner - is humiliating and downright fKg mean. you are a bully.

i am starting a diary of your little outbursts.

oh, and btw you self-esteem-taking-stepford-wife-wanting-S.O.B i DO know what the word copious means. the copious amounts of sh*t that comes out of your mouth just about covers it.


Confession #1808

We have been together for over half of my life - I have stayed many times when I shouldn't have. Who knows how many women you have "crossed the line with" - 3 that I am aware of...but yet I stayed - because "I love you".

Now you are almost impossible to live with - last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. A small disagreement sent you over the edge - I promise you if you EVER get in my face like that again - YOU WILL LEAVE.

After you stormed out - I called you and told you scared me.....once you finally came back from "blowing off steam" - you did not say ONE Frigging word to me....Not acceptable.

And now today - YOU tell ME that I can't give something time to die down - Oh it's dead alright - I will stay - I already know that - but I'm not really here anymore - wonder if you'll ever even know?

Confession #1809

Yes. I know how you "like" your jeans/khakis folded - crease to crease, folded in three places. But seriously - who the hell folds their jeans? We have actually had fights about this when I fold them incorrectly and you make lots of noise about how I folded them wrong, making a big show of re-folding your jeans in the "correct" manner. Those are moments when I want to strangle you with the aforementioned jeans.

Confession #1810

My dearest love,

I *hate* your "friends."

What these people have done is just unacceptable and selfish. It kills me to compare our friendship with these three couples of several years ago to the one we "have" now. They were my bridesmaids and the men were fabulously fun and interesting. But they have forgotten about us... or it seems as though we're no longer good enough for them. One might make the case that they were too busy to fly cross country for your landmark birthday. However, some of them didn't even bother to RSVP after my repeated calls and emails. Couple #1 flew in on Daddy's jet one time and made no attempt to see us unless we drove 3-4 hours to meet them in the countryside. When we (again) made the trip to see all of them, Couple #2 made no effort to talk to us about getting together for dinner after we flew 2000+ miles. Couples #1 and #3 deigned to go out to dinner with us, mocked our lifestyle, promptly ignored us the entire time, talked about buying their kids' way into preschool, and then invited each other to go to Mexico on vacation in front of us. Who does that?! Seventh graders know better! They apparently weren't too busy to fly to Florida (farther than visiting us) with their infants and toddlers, even though their excuse for not coming to your birthday was that it was "too hard to fly with kids."

Bottom line: they don't care about us anymore. I know how much that hurts you. And it infuriates me because you are without a doubt the best friend I've ever met. You remember all birthdays and anniversaries, you bought trinkets for their kids when we came in town. They don't care about us. Not even a little bit. So please stop begging for their friendship by initiating contact…it makes you look bad. Not calling when they all came in town this weekend is the LAST straw for me. I don't care if I never see them again. If we move back where they live I don't even care if we tell them we're moving back. If it were just me I'd shrug and move on. But I know you're crushed. And that makes me hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns. Truly.


Anonymous said...

To #1810
you are so right. friendship is a two-way street and those people, by any objective measure, are a**holes. you are better off without them, the loss is all theirs.

Sarah said...

You have to find that switch soon. DO NOT let him take control over you no more. One way or another YOU have to let go.


I guess he deserves the time, if you're waiting until next year for him to do some changes in his life.

# 1804
why don't YOU leave him? Don't wait for him, if there is nothing that holds you to him, just go and be happy with Mr. Right.

How sad.
I am sorry.

Grrrr, what a stupid a**hole.

There will be many times like that again, and again and again, and you will be making excuses for him again. You won't leave him.

you're sooo right. YOU guys do not need friends like them.
Maybe it's time to make new friends. Good luck.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

1801: Just leave him a note on the door saying, "Hey, love -- Do you think we could keep this door closed?

Your name"

And leave him some candy if he does it correctly.

Men are like children, they need to be told what to do and then rewarded for a job well done.

And a little communication goes a LONG way... tell him how you're feeling, have an argument about it, and then live with reality.

Anonymous said...

@1801: A husband here. First of all, I'm not passing judgement of any kind but I am curious as to why such small issues seem to be of such importance? My wife does the same thing, leaving closet doors open and I simply close them. Another thing she does, whenever she has a soda she will usually leave the can wherever she finishes drinking it. I just get it and throw it in the recycle. I just don't understand why such little things pick at people. When we started living together my wife (my fiance at the time) made a HUGE deal about me not wearing sandals or shoes in the apartment as I'm always barefoot when I'm at home. She kept buying me sandals and told me to wear them because the floor was dirty, because I could hurt my feet, etc. One day I just told her plain and simple that I was not wearing anything when I was home. I love being barefoot and all my life since I was a little kid I was barefoot all the time. Yes, I've gotten hurt and my feet do get dirty but that is why when I shower I scrub my feet extra hard. I told her once and for all that I was not going to be wearing any sandals. Luckily she understood and the subject hasn't been brought up since. I still get looks when I go throw the trash barefoot but I just wink and throw her a kiss! Let's not allow small petty things mess with us so much please!

@1810: That really sucks. I know how you feel since our "friends" have become the same way. In our case my wife is taking it harder than I am. I just tell her is not worth it. I no longer make efforts with them although she tries from time to time. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Someone still uses the clothes line? Like outside? Welcome to the new century. If my hubby wanted his clothes hung outside he'd have to do his own laundry. Same with folding/crease pants guy. If these stupid idiots for husbands have hands they should be doing their own laundry.

aaronjasonsilver, you are a blabber mouth. Shut up please.

Melissa said...

yeah I laughed at the closet thing, but the hubby who commented is right. we should all ignore the small stuff. I read a piece of advice from someone once, to a woman who was bothered by some of her husband's quirks. the advice said something to the effect of "if someone called you tomorrow and told you your otherwise wonderful husband was killed in an accident" you wouldn't care at all about these things. I know it's an extreme way to look at it, but it works for me and my husband so that we don't argue about minor things.

also, #1803 - I don't know what changes he needs to make, but I changed - A LOT - for about 4 years straight before my husband finally started to change and apologize for his end of things. I don't regret anything I did for myself, and I am a much better person for doing it for myself, but he has to "catch up" at some point. I thank god mine did, for the most part, and I hope yours does too. I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

I'm with anon 3:18 - the husbands of 1805 & 1809 need to do their own damn laundry.

1808 - I know it's easier said than done, but seriously, WHY STAY???? You've been with him half your life - do you want the next half of your life to be as miserable? I'm not trying to sound harsh, it's just really sad to think that you'd put up with this for the rest of your life, because...why? You're afraid? I really hope you find the strength to think of yourself and your own happiness.

Anonymous said...

1804: Why don't you just throw him out then? Are you waiting for him to leave so that you can say, "Oh, he left me." instead of, "I threw him out."??? Seriously. Why torture yourself and HIM?

Anonymous said...

"1801: Just leave him a note on the door saying, "Hey, love -- Do you think we could keep this door closed?

Your name"

And leave him some candy if he does it correctly."

That's pretty much right on the mark, but give him a more motivational reward than candy.

Anonymous said...

Hey all,

1801 here. I have asked him to close the closet door. I've put a post it on the door. I've thanked him when he does close his door.

Why does it bother me so much?

It's come to be symbolic of all the things I have to put up with being married to an absent-minded musician who can remember to put guitar picks in his pocket every day but can't remember to eat breakfast, take his lunch to work, that his parents are coming to visit or that I've asked him to close the closet door.

Anonymous said...

1801: I am with a musician too. He's very forgetful as well but I try not to let it bother me when he puts his clothes on the chair in the living room, or when he leaves the light in the bathroom on, or when he leaves little wadded up paper towels everywhere. I just go behind him and pick them up. There's no point in getting that irritated over it because it's probably something they have done forever and can't change without a LOT of trying that they just won't put forth. Here's an idea, install an automatic door closer on his side so when he opens it, it closes behind him. You know, like a store has on their doors. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi... I am 1804... the reason I am not leaving is because it is MY house. It is in my name, all of the bills, everything. I had this home before him and I got together. I can't even take the day off of work and throw all his crap in the driveway and change the locks because he is always here. Aside from calling the police to have him removed I don't know what else to do. I have told him it is over and I want him out. He just says "oh baby you don't mean it you know you love me" I even sleep on the sofa in my own home. What I wasn't able to get across is what a controlling, angry creep he is. And no, I am not waiting for him to leave so I can say he left me... I want him to leave cause I told him to get the hell out of my house. Only it isn't as easy as calling the cops and saying I want him to leave... trust me.

Anonymous said...

1803: I know how you feel. I hope you've voiced your feelings to him so that it doesn't come as a complete shock. I'm in the same position as you.... good luck!

Anonymous said...

1804: If the house is yours - i.e. under your name and yours alone - why *can't* you call the police to have him removed? Seriously. Technically speaking, if you don't want him there, he's trespassing. Have you tried at least calling the police department and checking out your options?

John Deau said...


get over it, close the door, it's not a big deal.

Anonymous said...

1801 - I am one of those people who can never remember to close closet and cabinet doors. I wish I could give you some advice. I know it is annoying, but I can tell you that the good news is that he probably does not do it to annoy you or make you angry. He probably tries to remember but just always has other things on his mind. That is why I do it. I have tried to remember, but it is just one of those things I can't seem to help doing. The bad news is that it probably won't get any better, no matter what you try. The only thing that MIGHT do it would be to let him hit the door a few times. There is one cabinet door in my kitchen that is special because I have finally hit my head on it so many times that I actually do remember to close it.....most of the time.

Anonymous said...

1801: Heh, wanna trade for our bathroom that's so tiny the dog can't even turn around in it? Seriously, he has to back out whenever he wanders in there. Ah, the splendors of an old house.

My husband is a preoccupied mad-scientist type as well, but for the most part I don't care about his little oversights. When they do begin work my last nerve, however, this almost always correlates with other, outside stressors.

Anonymous said...

1804: Okay, so the cops won't remove him...go have him evicted. Go down to the courthouse (you'll have to take time off of work though) and file to have him evicted. Depending on what state you live in, you could do a 5 day no cause, a 7 day no cause, or a 30 day. Then, when it is granted and he refuses to leave, you can call the cops then and have him removed for tresspassing.

If you want him are going to have to get creative dear. Oh, and tell his sorry ass to sleep on the couch. go to home depot, buy a deadbolt and put it on the door to the bedroom.

Anonymous said...

a part of me wonders if, somewhere in cyberspace, there isn't a husband who loves his new house complaining that every time he turns around his wife has closed his closet door.

Anonymous said...

1801, I found an automatic door closer to keep babies safe at cyberbabymall. Perhaps if you get 2 of those (one for each closet door) it will be one less irritant for you

Mama en Fuego said...

#1803, 1804, 1806, 1807 I think you are married to my ex-husband and seriously you just need to get the fuck out.

#1801 - I am sure it's annoying but pick your battles hon.

1810: Dump 'em. What a bunch of crap, I would just lay it on the line for him. He may be waiting for you to say something.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

a part of me wonders if, somewhere in cyberspace, there isn't a husband who loves his new house complaining that every time he turns around his wife has closed his closet door.

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! sorry but that was funny.

Anonymous said...

1802- Why do you still talk to the jackhole if he has another girlfriend? That's what you should be asking. You don't have to deal with the crap anymore.

Anonymous said...

Your husband's behavior could be indicative of depression. Go to to learn more. Good luck.