When I'm working late, sometimes I'm not working. Sometimes I'm just listening to the quiet and surfing the Internet because I can't ever do that when I'm home.
To My Husband -
When I am quiet and sad, I am worrying about my mom, the future of bringing children into the world as it is today and more than anything the past year that you were away. I still can't come to terms with any of it. I hurt so much because I hurt people when I never had before and I have a lot of trouble waking up and living with that and dealing with what I lost.
But when it comes to you, I love you with every fiber of my being. You make my every day bright and sunny, even if the roads outside are flooded and frozen over. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you give me warm butterflies in my tummy even after all these years. I love that you cook me wonderful meals and make ingrediants such as raspberry coulis. I love that you wake up before me on snowy days and clean off my car and write love messages in the snow so it is the first thing I see when I look out the window in the morning. I love that you make me candle lit baths and scrub my back with the sponge on a stick. I love that you give every day a theme and make every day an adventure. Who else in the world would ever count turtles at the pond with me or name birds in our back yard? I love that you travel the world with me and indulge my interests and fantasies. I love that you tell me bedtime stories and paint my toe nails and carry my shopping bags and think nothing of it as if it is something every husband does and should do. I love that you take care of my family and friends and always compliment people on their successes and comfort them in their losses. I love that you are doing important research to fight cancer and save my mothers life and that in a few years you won't just be a doctor.....but a Doctor Doctor. You are my world and you paint my life with joy and color and restore my faith that there are still good, selfless people left in this world. I love you so much my husband and would never want you to think that any sadness in my eyes has anything to do with you and please never stop leaving love notes on my mirrors or in my shoes! You are the best thing any girl could ever wish for!
Yes, I know you'd never leave me and you say you love me but you never SHOW me that you do.You have pushed me away so hard that I feel totally unappreciated and unloved. I had your children when you were different. You were kind and happy and so so different.. and you still won't marry me even though you said you wanted to. I don't understand you. You hate me seeing my friends, you hate me having time to myself. You only care about work and your friends. You never put me first. You never kiss me unless you want something and you don'r care if we don't have sex for months at a time! Guess what? I DO! You never say I look nice, you never make me feel special. You forget my birthday, our anniversary, hell..even last chirstmas and you wonder why I tell you I think I deserve more. I devoted my life to you and it looks like I drew the short straw. I'm not happy. I want change but you won't leave and you wouldn't let me either. I fell for my best friend..and he's gone.
I am sorry, hubby.
We've been married for 7.5 years, blessed with 2 lovely young boys.
I am thankful for that. You've been a great dad to them.
But me...I have been a bad wife to you.
During the course of our marriage, I have cheated on you. Twice.
And now, I am afraid history might repeat itself.
I am liking this guy at work. We work together. I have been having endless dreams & thoughts about him. And whenever he talks to me, he makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel good. It's a nice feeling.
But it's just too much. I can't handle it.
I get really fed up with your constant nagging and telling me I'm
doing things wrong. I am nearly 30 years old, I am intelligent, and
I am perfectly capable of grouting tile, doing dishes, or shoveling
manure without your constant direction. So, when I get really fed up
with you, I use your toothbrush to clean the dirt, manure, leftover
food, or grout out from my engagement ring.
And since you are incapable of going to the store and buying your own
toothbrush and rely on me to replace it, you've been using the same
nasty toothbrush since we shacked up two years ago.
Have you ever noticed that when you drive down the street, the moms in my neighborhood who are out with their small children usually scurry back inside their homes? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret… You are creepy. You think you are being charming. You probably even think you are being “charitable” -- giving these tired housewives a little attention. But dude, the attention – the heaping, over the top compliments just make you look like you are 1.) full of shit and 2.) sniffing around for a little action. You have a wife and son of your own. Go feed that tripe to YOUR wife.
Telling me I look like a supermodel is just laughable and stupid. Saying things like, “If I woke up next to you every morning, the first thing I’d say to you each day would be “hello beautiful” is creepy and makes a woman uncomfortable. And guess what? That tacky line makes the OTHER women on the block uncomfortable too!
Yes, I get lonely in my marriage. But it sure doesn’t mean I’m gonna be inviting your tired old butt inside. I took a vow. And besides, you’re icky.
That is all.
So NOT a Desperate Housewife
When I am with him life has a magical feeling to it. He's always in my thoughts, soothing the stresses of everyday life. He says he worships me and I know how much he means it because when we're together I can feel it. The first time we met he looked at me in a way no man ever had before him. He smiles at me and I feel it inside of me. He kisses me and I feel it in my toes. Lying together in bed, he wraps not just his arms but his entire body around me. When we talk the connection between us is there, just like the very first time we spoke. I need him in my life like I need oxygen to breathe. When we're apart my mind and my body aches for him. I would do anything for him and he does everything for me.
What an incredible feeling to know I have found the man of my dreams. He's just not the man I married.
There was a moment in the car yesterday that I hated you more than I thought I could ever hate another human being. Actually, it was several moments.
You came to see me over the weekend and we had amazing sex. A LOT of amazing sex. I am a little (a lot) sore today.
It made me miss you more than I already do and wish that you would just make up your mind and figure out if we are going to move together or not. I am tired of this in between and I need to know where and when I am going to get to start my life.
Why can't you just grow up and deal with commitment?
I might have considered leaving you months ago....but I am so in love with you it's ridiculous and I have never had better sex in my life.
Sigh. Please make up your mind.
I know you’re lying to me…I want to confront you but I can’t- I only know
because I checked your email. You left it up, and I hit enter one too many
times. I should have exited right away, but it was like a train wreck….
I thought you were my happy ending, my shining star, my future husband.
Now I find you lying over trivial matters (well, that’s at least what I see.
Does this mean you’re lying about other stuff too? That’s exactly where my
mind is going.)