True Wife Confessions 183 Emerald

Confession #1821

I was secretly overjoyed when your son moved out to go back to live with his mother. I know you tried your best, but it just wasn't meant to be. He's a Momma's boy and he always will be and you know that too.
He is a nice kid, but he annoyed me to no end. He's the laziest person I've ever met. It drove me nuts that you would ask my advice about how to handle things with him and then follow none of it. Why even ask me? I hated having to take him to all his appointments and take him to school when he missed the bus (again!) and send receipts to your ex-wife. She probably thinks I'm a controlling b*tch when in truth I only did those things because you liked leaving those responsibilities to me because you can never remember anything. I hated watching you discipline him for things, only to let him off easy, and wonder why he kept doing the same stupid things.
But most of all, I resent you not wanting another baby while he was here, because it would have been too much to handle. With your fertility problem, those two years of trying were a lot to give up.
I'm glad he's gone. I'm sorry his leaving hurt you so badly, but maybe I can give you a son that we can love together.
I know in your heart you feel the same. Don't be ashamed of it. Your son will always love you because you tried.
I love you for it too.

Confession #1822

It is no secret that our relationship deteriorated quite some time ago, but being together for so long and being as young as we are, I think we are more of a habit for each other than a couple in love. You have changed, and you are no longer someone I am interested in knowing, let alone being married to. Life is hard and it has been particularly hard to us, and that changes people, I understand that, as I have changed as well. But no one deserves to be treated the way that you treat me. I do love you, but I am quite certain that I am no longer in love with you. I just don't think I am strong enough to leave, but sometimes I fear that it is the only thing I want, so maybe I am waiting for you to take the initiative, cause it is clear that you aren't happy either. I have begged you to go for counseling with me, you have refused. I have called family members asking for help, and you lie to them about what has been going on. I am sick to death of being the only one in our relationship that is trying. Why was I working so hard at trying to change something, if you aren't even willing to meet me half way? Or even one quarter of the way...or any part of the way at all. After ten years together you know me pretty well, and you are pretty sure that I don't have it in me to leave. And you're right, but I have learned a lot about myself in the past year, and I am no longer certain I know myself, so who knows what I am capable of? About a year ago, I met a man over the internet. You know about him, you even know who he is. You suspect that there may be more to our relationship than I have admitted to, and you're right. Those pictures you found? They were for him. Every time you walk into the room, and I hide my computer screen, I am talking to him, and saying things that I am sometimes embarrassed to admit I thought, let alone typed for someone else to see. I have called him on the phone so he could hear me moan whole I orgasm thinking about him, after he tells me all the things he is thinking about doing to me. He tells me I am beautiful, and he tells me he wants me, and he makes me feel like someone could find me interesting, funny, and sexy again. The way you made me feel 10 years ago. He tells me how all he thinks about is being with me, and how wonderful it would be if only we had met 10 years ago. I know I don't actually know him, and who knows if any of what he says is true? The point is, he says it and it makes me feel good, and it makes me realize what I have missed for so long without ever having noticed that it slipped away. I know I will never meet him, and I am certainly not in love with him, but he has made me realize how unhappy I truly am with you. After begging for change, and trying for change, and hoping for change and waiting for change, I guess I just lost hope. Maybe I want you to catch me so I will forced into admission, and then you will be forced into realizing what I have been trying to tell you for so long. Maybe I am just passing the time in a new exciting way in my otherwise boring life. Maybe someday I will work up enough courage to tell you all this myself. I don't know, but I do know that we can't go on going the way we are now, because neither of us is happy, and I don't think this is any way to live.

Confession #1823

I absolutely LOVE this site. It’s part of my daily ritual….esp the newest addition “desperately seeking..something”. You gals are freaking hilarious.

And yes, I have posted 3 confessions. This is, after all, a CONFESSIONAL. I read every single one of them, sympathizing with some, feeling sorry with others, rejoicing to those who are happy. Then, I noticed the comments section at the end of every group of confessions. And I noticed – some of you people are just plain ol mean. People come here to confess, you mean people lash out at them with no class. And you know what – it really pisses me off, b/c I was the victim of one of those verbal lashings. I confessed about an affair I had with a gentleman almost 20 years younger than me and made mention about it really working out….YOU – and you know who you are – came back with “ I say go for it, you’re husband will find someone younger and prettier than you and your newer younger boyfriend will leave you when he needs to change your depends”

Let me tell you this – I did it b/c that’s exactly what my husband did to me – and so I did it back. Try not to be so jealous huh? I immediately figured you to be some unattractive book worm, who has let herself go simply b/c you are married and your idea of fun is going to Barnes and Noble with a group of your other book worm friends. Maybe living on the wild side by having a ‘different flavored’ latte this time ~~YAWN~~~ And doubt that at almost 40, your considered a milf.

So Dawn, no disrespect to you, this site and your blogs are AWESOME, and I really appreciated your post asking people pretty much the same thing I just wrote about - but geez people – would it kill you to be a bit nicer? You’ll be the death of this site.

Confession #1824

Where to begin? Lately I feel like I'm holding so many things in from you, it's slowly suffocating me. Did you know I wake up from anxiety attacks at four a.m. on the dot, every morning? Did you not realize that at 27, I'm not ready to have kids, especially since I'm planning a career change by the end of the year? Do you realize that I'm just now figuring out which path I want to take in my professional life, I have made sacrifices and supported you in your career, and I'd like the same from you? Do you know what other women my age are doing? They're discovering who they are, and I'm sorry if my doing the same interferes with your life plan. Do you realize that, more than once, I've had sexy dreams about a coworker who I'm close to, who I will truly miss no! w that he's left our office, who we are both friends with outside of work, and only my morals (aka not wanting to cause you pain) are the only thing holding me back from seeing what could happen? I love you. I've loved you for the past eight years. You are the only man I have ever been with. Nothing will change that. However, just like I stood by you during the transition from student to professional (and yes, I admit that yours was much smoother than mine), and stood by you the many times I found porn saved on our computer, even when you promised me you had stopped because you knew it was hurting me (not even big-boobed Barbies, nine times out of ten petite brunettes like myself), you need to stand by me during this time, and accept that I'm not the starry-eyed twenty-one year old you married all those years ago. Being out of the collegiate bubble has changed us both, some for the better, some for the worse. You! 've grown into a kind, successful man, now please support me while I c omplete the transition from a drifting twenty-something to a fully fledged adult. Thank you.

Confession #1825

I loved you, I swear I did. But now, I just want you gone. You annoy me. (Your bevy of plain white T-shirts DO need to be folded, no matter how ridiculous you think it is.) You under-appreciate me. (Those dogs you love so much? Yeah, if you do not take care of them, who do you think does?) You criticize me. (Sorry I cannot be a skinny prick like you. However, I am not fat and do not appreciate the snide jokes about my weight. In fact, I'm probably in better shape than you. Oh, and hell yes I'm high maintenance. But you knew that when you chose me.) YOU WORK TOO MUCH. (Your son has brown eyes now; did you know that?)

You stopped giving a fuck, and now, so have I. I just want you to leave. And what I hate most is that I cannot justifiably leave you without feeling like a shitty mother. Then it will be my fault that Daddy is gone. So please, cheat on me, hit me, do something stupid so I have a real reason to leave and take our child with me.

Confession #1826

I know you found my secret blog and that you're there in the place where I could once scream all alone about you and the children. I think you must have found it about the same time you found out about my affair, the one you confronted me about and told me you understood why, but to stop. Before that you never noticed me at all, because you were passed out drunk all over the house, anywhere but in our bed. You've been trying a lot harder and you are a wonderful man in most respects. I have forgiven you for the drinking, we are having fun together again, and the weekends you take me out dancing are a dream come true. There's a "but" in there you know; you can just feel it building. From the first time we made love I knew it wasn't great, but I believed I could teach you what I needed. You are trying baby, but no matter how hard I work to change you, you really don't have a bit of adventure in your soul. I'm lying when I tell you how good you are in bed, because the truth is the only way I can get off is to pretend it's him touching me, holding me. I will stay faithful to you the rest of your life, but his shadow will always be there, exquisite torture as I lie in the circle of your arms at night. I don't love him you know, I love you, but I hunger for him like a Dickens orphan yearns for food. I can't tell him that and I can't tell you, but I cannot hold the pain inside. Today I started a new blog, one that you will never find.

Confession #1827

I have a great life. I have a fantastic job, I've made
wise financial decisions, and I lucked out with a
small inheritance that allowed me to pay my student
loans in one fell swoop. I own my condo, and am well
on my way to retiring about 5 years ahead of my
original schedule thanks to a little luck and LOTS of
hard work.

I married my husband 5 years ago, when his daughter
from his previous marraige was a bratty spoiled 6 year
old. He makes a good deal less than I do, so we have a
prenup that states his daughter is HIS responsibility,
not mine. His money pays for everything for her and he
doesn't touch mine. He is a good dad - child support
is never late or short, he never misses a phone call
or a weekend, and is always off at some event for her
or another.

I told him from the start that I don't want children,
his included. I would never give him a problem when it
came to his time with his daughter (my parents were
divorced too, I know how hard it is for an involved
dad to be away from his children), but I also said I
had no interest in being the stepmommy. I usually
schedule overtime or my own family visits when his
daughter is around for extended periods of time,
especially now that she is a sullen, moody
11-going-on-21 year old. (Seriously, WHY her mother
allows her out of the house looking like Britney in
trash mode is beyond me.)

A few months ago, he asked what I thought about him
applying for full custody. He wasn't happy with the
condition of the house last time he was there and
thinks his useless ex has been using her child support
money on herself rather than on their daughter. I very
calmly explained that I hadn't changed my mind about
never wanting children and that while he had to do
what he felt was right, it would probably end our
relationship if he decided to apply for custody. He
let it drop and I thought that was the end of it.

On Friday, he came home walking about 6 feet off the
ground, shining with happiness. Earlier that day, the
court granted him full custody of his daughter. She is
moving in with his sister this weekend so she doesn't
have to switch schools this late in the year, then
will be with him permanently as of the end of June. He
was ecstatic that this was a "new beginning for all 3
of us" and that I will "love his daughter once I get
to know her for more than 2 days at a time."

I didn't say a word. I nodded my head and said "OK. I
have a lot of work to do at the office this weekend,
so we will discuss this further on Monday." For once
he didn't give me a problem about going back to work.

The condo and the car are in my name. I never merged
bank accounts with him to keep kid money and my money
separate. We do not share credit cards. I did not take
on to help with his student loans, as he would not
allow me.

I am thanking my stars for our prenup, as I will be
filing for divorce on Monday and asking him to move
out by next weekend. I wonder if his daughter will
want to go back to her mother once she finds out that
she and daddy won't be living in my posh apartment. I
should have known better than to waste 7 years of my
life with a daddy.

Oh well, none of my plans are affected by all this. My
heart hurts, but it will heal.

Why why WHY DIDN'T HE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAID I NEVER
WANTED KIDS?!?!?!?!


Confession #1828

I never planned to be in love with two men. And yes. I love them Both - in different ways.

Confession #1829

To my "Dear Husband" --

Thanks for not giving me one fucking thing (including simple acknowledgement
or gratitude) for mother's day. Okay, I know I'm "only" six month's
pregnant with my first child, but you could have at least made an effort to
be something OTHER than an insensitive asshole. No such luck -- if
anything, you went out of your way to be a complete prick!

Let's see -- the day before you treated YOURSELF to a bunch of used LP's
from the local record store (you said a couple of them were for me -- yeah,
sure, whatever). And that night after I went to bed you DID get drunk &
spill gin and tonic all over the kitchen floor. Which you also left for me
to clean up when I woke up early Sunday morning to make YOUR mother a
homemade cake for YOU to take to her as a mother's day gift. I guess I
shouldn't be too dismayed at your utter lack of respect when it's obvious
that you're too fucking cheap to buy your OWN mother a gift -- much less
anything for your pregnant wife!

And so after you finally got out of bed on Sunday afternoon (with a bad
hangover, of course), you had the sack to blow up at ME for "being in a bad
mood" all weekend. Okay, so I was feeling kind of blah because I'm hormonal
and off my meds due to pregnancy; as such, I neglected to laugh at any of
your stupid hackneyed jokes. FUCKING SUE ME!!

I didn't feel like wasting the effort to try and explain any of this to you,
particularly when I could see that you were only trying to pick a fight with
me anyway (probably so you could feel justified in acting like a selfish
prick). So I retreated to the bedroom, closed the door and slept for the
rest of the day -- not only because I was hot and tired, but because I
wanted to be away from YOU.

I didn't feel like putting on a happy face in front of your family to make
YOU feel better, so I sent you off to your parent's house alone (but with my
homemade cake, of course). I spent the rest of the day in bed, crying a
little and feeling generally sorry for myself -- pathetic, yes, but it's not
like you'd give a shit even if you knew.

I can only hope that my next mother's day experience is better, because this
years' fucking SUCKED. Thanks for nothing, asshole -- I'm breathless with
anticipation over what kind of consideration I WON'T get from you when it's
time for me to give birth!

-Your wife

PS: And don't even try to lay the "I forgot" bullshit on me -- all of this
happened AFTER you saw the mother's day card your own parents mailed me.
I'll get over this pretty soon because I'm accustomed to swallowing my anger
over your lack of consideration, but in the meantime -- YOU SUCK. And if
you were expecting any kind of special treatment this coming father's day,
think again!


Confession #1830

I know what you're looking at on the computer. I see all the singles sites listed in the history. We've talked about this before. I'm debating confronting you again. Why do you continue to lie to me, to cheat on me emotionally?

I was so hurt and finally beginning to trust you again. I never should have checked the history, I just can't help myself. I HAVE TO KNOW. I wish I didn't know. What do I do now?

Why would you prefer to do sexy IMing with someone you don't even know, as opposed to your wife who is here with you? I bet you are exchanging emails with a horny guy and you don't even know it. Maybe he'll suck your dick for you everyday. You never touch me or show affection to me unless it leads to getting laid. What is wrong with me that you don't want to be with me? Why did you marry me?