Hi Honey ~
Just wanted to tell you .. I am loving this 'futon time' thing we have going on. You spooning me on it is so great. And if it leads to love-making .. all the better .. but even if it doesn't, I just love being that close to you and catnapping a little or just zoning out ... so relaxing and so comforting. Thank you for thinking of it !!
To my husband-
We have had a significant amount of problems from day 1. Granted that without them, we would not be together now, but is this what I want? We've been married for 18 months and this is how I feel.
I often wonder what my life would be like had i chosen the other person. We were quite close, but my immature need to keep up appearances (you understand what I mean.) pushed me a bit more to you. He was amazing and treated me so nicely. I became pregnant in the midst of this lapse of any judgement and a few months later I was forced into this marriage with you for religious reasons. I couldnt tell my family or yours that my personal beliefs were a bit different. I know that we've struggled alot, financially, emotionally and a few times physically. You could not forgive me for the outcome of the paternity test. This was my punishment for entangling myself with two people in college. The test told me I married the wrong person. After this, you were horrible to me. You were abusive, both ways. You constantly dangled me on this string. We never had a chance to get over it, bc as things seemed to turn up, you invovled yourself with my underage cousin. That night I walked into my living room and realized you had been taking advantage of nanny status- a huge part of me died. And it has not grown back after nearly a year. Did you think something would possibly come out of it? You sicken me. Bc of you, I am no longer able to communicate with that side of my family. Her family does not understand. Because of course, they do not know. Youd be in jail dont you think? Bc of you, I cannot sleep anymore, any amount of extra stress causes me to completely buckle, and I find myself having panic attacks. This is why I do not want to be physical with you. This is why I am no longer close to you. This is why I dont laugh anymore. Play anymore. Enjoy life anymore. You violated our marriage.
I cannot stand your superficial family. Your temper. Your impatience. Your laziness. Your drinking problem. Your secrets.
I do NOT trust you. I am NOT in love with you, and I do not like you. But i do NOT believe in divorce. Im afraid to follow my mothers steps and Im afraid to be a single mother like she was. I am afraid of having to start over. Im afraid of the problems i will have with another man. Will he do the same? What will i do when my child asks about you?
I married you too young and I should have never trusted you.
Your silently suffering wife.
I read your blog today. It is amazing to see the comments you make and how much you love me. It is amazing how you obviously love me so much and yet you try to control me and your actions indicate that you deliberately try to upset me. I see pure love in your words, I want to you to express that physically. I want you to share that with ME. You are amazing when you are like that, I want to know it and feel it, no insecurities. We have been married for 10 years, show me that you are confident in our love.
This morning, when you told me to shut up and quit bossing you around, I let you think I was offended.
In truth, I was trying desperately not to laugh because it just struck me as so funny. And moreover, it was
a statement that I needed to hear! After all this time, you still know how to keep me in check. Of course, I will
continue to run my mouth and boss you around. I know you wouldnt have it any other way.
Dear Husband- I wish,
I wish you would want to marry me. I keep waiting, and you don't ask. You say someday, but don't want to give a date so you don't let me down again. Waiting for you makes me cry, but thinking about life without you- I can't even imagine. So what now? Do I keep waiting? We've only been dating a year and a half, I know we're "young" according to you. But I love you, and I feel like I'm starting to put my life on hold till we get married because I don't want to lose you. Do you want me to go and live? Maybe then when I'm done with my living, I'll come back to you and you'll want to marry me then. Or maybe not.
We have been together for four years and I have some issues with you that I have told you about as gently as possible. Here they are point blank.
1. You are quite pessimistic about a lot of things. That pessimism often translates into making me feel like an idiot for being optimistic. I really hate that.
2. You nag, a lot. Once you decide I need to do something, you badger me about it until I either do it just to appease you or snap at you to leave me alone about it.
3. Snapping at you then hurts your feelings. And those feelings... oh my God. Could you be anymore sensitive about every little thing I say?? For Christ sake, if I don’t put enough feeling into “I love you” you practically start crying.
4. You drive me insane about money. We have decent jobs, we pay our bills. We may not be rolling in freaking dough, but we are fine. If I want to go out and buy myself a new purse or shoes, I don’t want to have to worry about you being mad at me. It is my money too! Just because you don’t care about cute clothes doesn’t mean I shouldn’t either!
5. You have the worst breath of anyone I have ever kissed. You have a great body and are very sexy, but I have no desire to kiss you when I have to inhale that funk. It is really hard to get in the mood when you are breathing that on me.
Ok, now I must say that you have really tried the whole time to treat me well and make me happy. The issues listed above have hindered those efforts significantly, but I share the blame for not speaking up about it sooner or with more insistence.
Just as my unhappiness was reaching a climax, I met a guy at school. I became very smitten with him. I would never, ever cheat, but I couldn’t help myself from being a little shy and giggly around him. I thought, “Am I with the wrong person? Maybe this is ‘the one’.” Then, I found out he was gay. Guess he isn’t “the one”.
That little moment of flirtation made me realize that I needed to let you know that we really needed to start working on our problems. I am not willing to throw away the last four years. I need you to talk to me about the issues you have with me and we will start working on them together. It is a two way street and I know I am not the only one with gripes. Can we please just work on this together? I know you have been trying since I told you about my issues, but give me a little feedback too. I don’t want you to be the only one to make sacrifices. I want you to know I am willing to make changes too.
I am so relieved when you go out with your friends. A few hours with you out of the house and away from me is such a blessing.
I didn't believe that a person like you existed. I never believed that there was a soul mate out there, or a man who was in love with me the way I love you. But when we are laying in bed, and I say some strange thing and you know EXACTLY what I am talking about and we start to giggle at the fact that we both know what we are talking about. Those are the milliseconds that my soul opens up to you and I absorb you into me. I am amazed by you, my love.
"Am i stupid?"
This is what i ask my self everyday now for the past three years. we have been together for seven years...and still no ring.
the funny part is that you have taken me to pick out rings on many occasions, and we actually decided on one, i got so excite, i just knew that we would be getting engaged soon...that was six months ago! don't you know that taking a woman to pick out an engagement ring and not getting it is like taking a child to pick out a bike only to tell them that they can't have it!
Other women tell me I'm stupid for sticking around for so long with out a engagement. but i tell them that we talk about marriage often, and how you really want to marry me, and that you will do it real soon. well sweetie i am getting tired of defending you and this relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I love with everything i have to love with but i am getting fed up!!!! i want a ring dammit, and i want one now. i deserve it, i have been as good as gold to you and you know it, i have never cheated, i cook i clean and i work two jobs to help put food on our table. i have been with you through thick and then, i am a damn good woman. and you say that you know i am a good woman and that you love me, well what's the hold up. I know you said that you have a plan, but what kind of a plan?
I don't want to sound bitchy but like i said i have been waiting for seven years, i met you right after my twentieth birthday, and you were twenty-one, we are now twenty-eight and twenty-nine. it's time sweetie. i really want to be your wife, i just don't want to wait another seven years.
My Sub-Par Life.....
I am writing here because I have been on other confession sites where men confess but there does not seem to be much traffic there, and I am hoping to get some kind of feedback, good or bad on my confession I hope that you post this on TWC...
I know that I am not by any means the perfect husband. I know that sometimes, I speak before I think and the words that come out can be hurtful. I know that at times I put my needs or more likely my wants ahead of yours. In spite of these things, I believe that we both deserve better than what is going on in our lives now.
I fell in love with you the first time that I saw you. On that first day I knew that you would be my wife. We dated for 5 wonderful years and were engaged for 9 months. Throughout our courtship we had a blast. You told me on one of our first dates that you were a virgin and that you wanted to save yourself for marriage. I was so in love with you that I told you I thought that was very commendable (which I still believe). After you told me that I never once asked or pressured you to have sex with me, I very much respected the decision that you made. I gave you my entire heart and you did the same.
We had a storybook wedding just over three years ago. We traveled the world for a month on our honeymoon, and that is where the troubles began. Knowing that you were a virgin, and that we did not do much of anything in the realm of sex before we were married, I knew that it may take a while for us to find our groove. I was ok with that because I figured that we have a lifetime to figure things out and get good together. On our wedding night you told me that you could not go down on me because the thought of having a penis inside your mouth makes you literally want to vomit, but that you would work on that and get past it since you know that oral sex is something that I desire. It has been over three years and you still won't do it, only now its because you say you just don't want to. You won't let me go down on you even though you say that you love it when I do. You say that its gross. We have had sex one time since last May. I understand that you can not just turn it on, so I try to call you and send sweet text messages through the day, like you suggested, but when I do, you tell me I am only doing this to get laid. The last time we had sex you told me to hurry up, because you hate it.
I made a vow to you on our wedding day that I would do anything in my power to make you happy. I really do think that I have lived up to that for the most part. When you said you wanted to buy a house, I took on a second job so that we could get out of debt faster. I now work 75 hours a week, and we are building our dream home. We don't get to see each other much, but when we do, I offer to cook, clean, massage your back, and your feet. You take me up on my offers and then tell me that I am not doing any of it right.
On our anniversary last month you told me that you had made plans with some girlfriends already and that I should just "jerk yourself off, since we both know we aren't going to have sex." After hearing that I had to cancel the reservations for dinner and the hotel that we were going to stay at that night.
I am 27 years old, make a good living, have a good future, and have committed my life to you, but you have not done the same. I want to be with you, but don't know if I can do this for 50 more years. I want you to love me like I love you. I have been asked out on dates 4 different times by 4 different women in the last month, and have turned each one down, but I don't how much longer I can keep saying no as long as you keep saying no also. I am 27 fucking years old, I need my hot young wife to bang me, but the only action I get is with my hand. I will not beg you for sex. You pick fights with me, but I won't fight back because our marriage is hurting enough, I don't need to fight with you and make it worse. I am unhappy and I know you are too.
This morning I woke up and prayed that sometime this week you will tell me that you have been cheating on me, so that I can leave you and not feel guilty about it. I made a promise to you, god and all our friends and family to stay faithful to you, and only you for life. I am scared that I won't be able to keep my promise, I have never broken a promise to anyone.
You know all of this (except for my dream this morning), and I know that you really don't care about any of it. You just like say your married so that you can take me to parties and act like we are the happy couple. We both know that we are miserable inside.
Every part of my life is amazing except my marriage. Please, lets make this work. I feel trapped.