Monday, March 24, 2008

True Wife Confessions 243 Ida

Confession #2421

Hi Honey ~

Just wanted to tell you .. I am loving this 'futon time' thing we have going on. You spooning me on it is so great. And if it leads to love-making .. all the better .. but even if it doesn't, I just love being that close to you and catnapping a little or just zoning out ... so relaxing and so comforting. Thank you for thinking of it !!

Confession #2422

To my husband-

We have had a significant amount of problems from day 1. Granted that without them, we would not be together now, but is this what I want? We've been married for 18 months and this is how I feel.

I often wonder what my life would be like had i chosen the other person. We were quite close, but my immature need to keep up appearances (you understand what I mean.) pushed me a bit more to you. He was amazing and treated me so nicely. I became pregnant in the midst of this lapse of any judgement and a few months later I was forced into this marriage with you for religious reasons. I couldnt tell my family or yours that my personal beliefs were a bit different. I know that we've struggled alot, financially, emotionally and a few times physically. You could not forgive me for the outcome of the paternity test. This was my punishment for entangling myself with two people in college. The test told me I married the wrong person. After this, you were horrible to me. You were abusive, both ways. You constantly dangled me on this string. We never had a chance to get over it, bc as things seemed to turn up, you invovled yourself with my underage cousin. That night I walked into my living room and realized you had been taking advantage of nanny status- a huge part of me died. And it has not grown back after nearly a year. Did you think something would possibly come out of it? You sicken me. Bc of you, I am no longer able to communicate with that side of my family. Her family does not understand. Because of course, they do not know. Youd be in jail dont you think? Bc of you, I cannot sleep anymore, any amount of extra stress causes me to completely buckle, and I find myself having panic attacks. This is why I do not want to be physical with you. This is why I am no longer close to you. This is why I dont laugh anymore. Play anymore. Enjoy life anymore. You violated our marriage.

I cannot stand your superficial family. Your temper. Your impatience. Your laziness. Your drinking problem. Your secrets.

I do NOT trust you. I am NOT in love with you, and I do not like you. But i do NOT believe in divorce. Im afraid to follow my mothers steps and Im afraid to be a single mother like she was. I am afraid of having to start over. Im afraid of the problems i will have with another man. Will he do the same? What will i do when my child asks about you?
I married you too young and I should have never trusted you.

Your silently suffering wife.

Confession #2423

I read your blog today. It is amazing to see the comments you make and how much you love me. It is amazing how you obviously love me so much and yet you try to control me and your actions indicate that you deliberately try to upset me. I see pure love in your words, I want to you to express that physically. I want you to share that with ME. You are amazing when you are like that, I want to know it and feel it, no insecurities. We have been married for 10 years, show me that you are confident in our love.

Confession #2424

This morning, when you told me to shut up and quit bossing you around, I let you think I was offended.
In truth, I was trying desperately not to laugh because it just struck me as so funny. And moreover, it was
a statement that I needed to hear! After all this time, you still know how to keep me in check. Of course, I will
continue to run my mouth and boss you around. I know you wouldnt have it any other way.

Confession #2425

Dear Husband- I wish,

I wish you would want to marry me. I keep waiting, and you don't ask. You say someday, but don't want to give a date so you don't let me down again. Waiting for you makes me cry, but thinking about life without you- I can't even imagine. So what now? Do I keep waiting? We've only been dating a year and a half, I know we're "young" according to you. But I love you, and I feel like I'm starting to put my life on hold till we get married because I don't want to lose you. Do you want me to go and live? Maybe then when I'm done with my living, I'll come back to you and you'll want to marry me then. Or maybe not.

Sincerely,

Your girlfriend,


Confession #2426

We have been together for four years and I have some issues with you that I have told you about as gently as possible. Here they are point blank.

1. You are quite pessimistic about a lot of things. That pessimism often translates into making me feel like an idiot for being optimistic. I really hate that.
2. You nag, a lot. Once you decide I need to do something, you badger me about it until I either do it just to appease you or snap at you to leave me alone about it.
3. Snapping at you then hurts your feelings. And those feelings... oh my God. Could you be anymore sensitive about every little thing I say?? For Christ sake, if I don’t put enough feeling into “I love you” you practically start crying.
4. You drive me insane about money. We have decent jobs, we pay our bills. We may not be rolling in freaking dough, but we are fine. If I want to go out and buy myself a new purse or shoes, I don’t want to have to worry about you being mad at me. It is my money too! Just because you don’t care about cute clothes doesn’t mean I shouldn’t either!
5. You have the worst breath of anyone I have ever kissed. You have a great body and are very sexy, but I have no desire to kiss you when I have to inhale that funk. It is really hard to get in the mood when you are breathing that on me.



Ok, now I must say that you have really tried the whole time to treat me well and make me happy. The issues listed above have hindered those efforts significantly, but I share the blame for not speaking up about it sooner or with more insistence.



Just as my unhappiness was reaching a climax, I met a guy at school. I became very smitten with him. I would never, ever cheat, but I couldn’t help myself from being a little shy and giggly around him. I thought, “Am I with the wrong person? Maybe this is ‘the one’.” Then, I found out he was gay. Guess he isn’t “the one”.



That little moment of flirtation made me realize that I needed to let you know that we really needed to start working on our problems. I am not willing to throw away the last four years. I need you to talk to me about the issues you have with me and we will start working on them together. It is a two way street and I know I am not the only one with gripes. Can we please just work on this together? I know you have been trying since I told you about my issues, but give me a little feedback too. I don’t want you to be the only one to make sacrifices. I want you to know I am willing to make changes too.

Confession #2427

I am so relieved when you go out with your friends. A few hours with you out of the house and away from me is such a blessing.

Confession #2428

I didn't believe that a person like you existed. I never believed that there was a soul mate out there, or a man who was in love with me the way I love you. But when we are laying in bed, and I say some strange thing and you know EXACTLY what I am talking about and we start to giggle at the fact that we both know what we are talking about. Those are the milliseconds that my soul opens up to you and I absorb you into me. I am amazed by you, my love.

Confession #2429

"Am i stupid?"
This is what i ask my self everyday now for the past three years. we have been together for seven years...and still no ring.
the funny part is that you have taken me to pick out rings on many occasions, and we actually decided on one, i got so excite, i just knew that we would be getting engaged soon...that was six months ago! don't you know that taking a woman to pick out an engagement ring and not getting it is like taking a child to pick out a bike only to tell them that they can't have it!

Other women tell me I'm stupid for sticking around for so long with out a engagement. but i tell them that we talk about marriage often, and how you really want to marry me, and that you will do it real soon. well sweetie i am getting tired of defending you and this relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I love with everything i have to love with but i am getting fed up!!!! i want a ring dammit, and i want one now. i deserve it, i have been as good as gold to you and you know it, i have never cheated, i cook i clean and i work two jobs to help put food on our table. i have been with you through thick and then, i am a damn good woman. and you say that you know i am a good woman and that you love me, well what's the hold up. I know you said that you have a plan, but what kind of a plan?

I don't want to sound bitchy but like i said i have been waiting for seven years, i met you right after my twentieth birthday, and you were twenty-one, we are now twenty-eight and twenty-nine. it's time sweetie. i really want to be your wife, i just don't want to wait another seven years.

Confession #2430

My Sub-Par Life.....

I am writing here because I have been on other confession sites where men confess but there does not seem to be much traffic there, and I am hoping to get some kind of feedback, good or bad on my confession I hope that you post this on TWC...

I know that I am not by any means the perfect husband. I know that sometimes, I speak before I think and the words that come out can be hurtful. I know that at times I put my needs or more likely my wants ahead of yours. In spite of these things, I believe that we both deserve better than what is going on in our lives now.

I fell in love with you the first time that I saw you. On that first day I knew that you would be my wife. We dated for 5 wonderful years and were engaged for 9 months. Throughout our courtship we had a blast. You told me on one of our first dates that you were a virgin and that you wanted to save yourself for marriage. I was so in love with you that I told you I thought that was very commendable (which I still believe). After you told me that I never once asked or pressured you to have sex with me, I very much respected the decision that you made. I gave you my entire heart and you did the same.

We had a storybook wedding just over three years ago. We traveled the world for a month on our honeymoon, and that is where the troubles began. Knowing that you were a virgin, and that we did not do much of anything in the realm of sex before we were married, I knew that it may take a while for us to find our groove. I was ok with that because I figured that we have a lifetime to figure things out and get good together. On our wedding night you told me that you could not go down on me because the thought of having a penis inside your mouth makes you literally want to vomit, but that you would work on that and get past it since you know that oral sex is something that I desire. It has been over three years and you still won't do it, only now its because you say you just don't want to. You won't let me go down on you even though you say that you love it when I do. You say that its gross. We have had sex one time since last May. I understand that you can not just turn it on, so I try to call you and send sweet text messages through the day, like you suggested, but when I do, you tell me I am only doing this to get laid. The last time we had sex you told me to hurry up, because you hate it.

I made a vow to you on our wedding day that I would do anything in my power to make you happy. I really do think that I have lived up to that for the most part. When you said you wanted to buy a house, I took on a second job so that we could get out of debt faster. I now work 75 hours a week, and we are building our dream home. We don't get to see each other much, but when we do, I offer to cook, clean, massage your back, and your feet. You take me up on my offers and then tell me that I am not doing any of it right.

On our anniversary last month you told me that you had made plans with some girlfriends already and that I should just "jerk yourself off, since we both know we aren't going to have sex." After hearing that I had to cancel the reservations for dinner and the hotel that we were going to stay at that night.

I am 27 years old, make a good living, have a good future, and have committed my life to you, but you have not done the same. I want to be with you, but don't know if I can do this for 50 more years. I want you to love me like I love you. I have been asked out on dates 4 different times by 4 different women in the last month, and have turned each one down, but I don't how much longer I can keep saying no as long as you keep saying no also. I am 27 fucking years old, I need my hot young wife to bang me, but the only action I get is with my hand. I will not beg you for sex. You pick fights with me, but I won't fight back because our marriage is hurting enough, I don't need to fight with you and make it worse. I am unhappy and I know you are too.

This morning I woke up and prayed that sometime this week you will tell me that you have been cheating on me, so that I can leave you and not feel guilty about it. I made a promise to you, god and all our friends and family to stay faithful to you, and only you for life. I am scared that I won't be able to keep my promise, I have never broken a promise to anyone.

You know all of this (except for my dream this morning), and I know that you really don't care about any of it. You just like say your married so that you can take me to parties and act like we are the happy couple. We both know that we are miserable inside.

Every part of my life is amazing except my marriage. Please, lets make this work. I feel trapped.

24 comments:

Billy said...

@2430:
I might be jumping to a very big conclusion here, but your wife's aversion to sexual contact reads to me like she was sexually abused as a child. This can often create an antipathy to sexual intimacy, whether or not she remembers it.
It might be worth exploring couple therapy to work this out; as it stands, you're both growing more and more resentful of each other in the sexual arena and that never leads to a good place (says the divorcee).

Anonymous said...

To#2430,
Having married a 28 year old virgin myself, I can give you some perspective.
First, anyone who makes it almost to their thirtieth birthday without sex has problems with their sex drive. No, its not a "strong character" or religious beliefs, but a low or screwed up sex drive. My wife was a virgin on her wedding night too, and I thought her resolve was amazing. What I learned was that her religious beliefs (sex is disgusting...) mixed together with her low sex drive are a lethal combination. You will not overcome it. Habits are learned, and she has been learning her habits for a lot longer than you have been trying to break them.
Yes, I am still married. She likes sex maybe once a month, and I'm a 3 times a week kind of guy. After 20 years of marriage, we compromised and have sex once a month. And the oral still disgusts her.
People will tell you she needs counseling or has a chemical problem that can be treated with drugs, but she will decide she doesn't like taking pills and the counseling is expensive and doesn't fix something she thinks is not broken.
You have a choice. Accept her like she is, find a part time lover, or hit the road. Notice, however, that fixing her is not one of the choices.
-A guy that has been there and still is

Anonymous said...

Husband in 2430 - do you think your wife would be willing to go to counceling? She obviously has some issues going on she and you need to work through...

Anonymous said...

Gee whiz 2420,I'm exactly twice your age, done all those things you described, and finally got out. Now I'm so happy and read TWC to keep this one happy!

10 said...

Confession #2429
We've been together for almost 9.5years. I understand where you're coming from. I was 16 he was 18 when we first started dating. I'm at my breaking point. I finally put my foot down and have kept it there. If there is no ring on my finger by the end of May I'm putting in my notice and moving out of the house and out of his life.

I wish you luck and hope that you get your ring.... you deserve it!

Anonymous said...

2429: Set a date! Go out to dinner with him and bring a calender. You sound like a great catch, and he must agree since he's enjoyed you for seven years. You need to be very pro-active here. If he tells you "no", well then at least you've got an answer to your question. Not the one you wanted, but an answer nontheless.
Good Luck! I have a feeling everything will work out the way you want it.

2430:
I really feel for you. I echo what has been advised here in getting couples therapy. But what I haven't heard is my first thought: have you any considered that your wife may be a lesbian? Of course, this may come out in therapy.

You sound like a gentleman and that is rare in our climate, and I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with leaving a bad marriage. Sex, especially at your age is hugely important, and given that you respected and honored her position of waiting until you were legally married to have sex shows that you are a very sensitive, loving man. You don't say in your confession what religion you are, but I would look into an annulement if this applies.

I wish you peace of mind with this. I wish you a happy future with a woman that shares your values and has the same intense love for you that you are obviously able to give and that she appreciates these feelings and will give to you ten fold.

You are not sentenced to a life of misery because you fell in love with a person that withholds affection both verbally and sexually, you are well within your rights both legally and spiritualy to have a happy, fulfilled life with an equallly minded partner.

I hope my many misspellings will be forgiven and that you look past them and hear only the best wishes and true hopes that you will find the love that you deserve: trust that there are many good women out there. I know. I'm one of them. I had my fill of horrid men, pretty boys, and counted my blessings when I found my true love, much to my surprise, was not a hot hard-bodied "stud" but a very average looking, short, stout, balding man. This 5'11" former model could not be more happily married.

I want you to know that this little blurb I've written took many hours of consideration. I took your plea for advice very seriously and I hope you gain something positive from it.

Be happy, young man. And know that you'll make some girl out there VERY happy, too.

g

Anonymous said...

2429: Set a date! Go out to dinner with him and bring a calender. You sound like a great catch, and he must agree since he's enjoyed you for seven years. You need to be very pro-active here. If he tells you "no", well then at least you've got an answer to your question. Not the one you wanted, but an answer nontheless.
Good Luck! I have a feeling everything will work out the way you want it.

2430:
I really feel for you. I echo what has been advised here in getting couples therapy. But what I haven't heard is my first thought: have you any considered that your wife may be a lesbian? Of course, this may come out in therapy.

You sound like a gentleman and that is rare in our climate, and I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with leaving a bad marriage. Sex, especially at your age is hugely important, and given that you respected and honored her position of waiting until you were legally married to have sex shows that you are a very sensitive, loving man. You don't say in your confession what religion you are, but I would look into an annulement if this applies.

I wish you peace of mind with this. I wish you a happy future with a woman that shares your values and has the same intense love for you that you are obviously able to give and that she appreciates these feelings and will give to you ten fold.

You are not sentenced to a life of misery because you fell in love with a person that withholds affection both verbally and sexually, you are well within your rights both legally and spiritualy to have a happy, fulfilled life with an equallly minded partner.

I hope my many misspellings will be forgiven and that you look past them and hear only the best wishes and true hopes that you will find the love that you deserve: trust that there are many good women out there. I know. I'm one of them. I had my fill of horrid men, pretty boys, and counted my blessings when I found my true love, much to my surprise, was not a hot hard-bodied "stud" but a very average looking, short, stout, balding man. This 5'11" former model could not be more happily married.

I want you to know that this little blurb I've written took many hours of consideration. I took your plea for advice very seriously and I hope you gain something positive from it.

Be happy, young man. And know that you'll make some girl out there VERY happy, too.

g

Noelle said...

@2430, She should go to counseling or a doctor But I bet she won't. At least you make an effort, now only if she would. :(

Anonymous said...

2430
It sounds like your wife is cheating. They get cruel and nasty and withhold sex. Check her cell phone and put a keylogger on her computer. Then you'll know for sure. Spector pro is a good one and it will give you peace of mind for a little bit of money. I used it to find out that my 11 y/o twins had viewed porn.

Anonymous said...

To 2425 and 2429-- Why push so strongly for marriage? Isn't it OK to simply enjoy one another's company and companionship? My man and I have been together for 8 years, living together for most of it, and I am happy for our close, strong relationship--I'd take that over a million diamond rings any day.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2430:

She is what she is... I'm sorry you weren't able to find this out before the wedding, because she more than likely isn't going to change.

She isn't going to cheat on you because she #1 doesn't like sex very much and #2 wants to be with you for the security.

It sounds like you're in a bad situation, and I know you made a promise, but you didn't know all the variables involved. I would recommend either getting a flesh light:

http://www.fleshlight.com/?gclid=CKGq2aqdqJICFQQIFQodhDNgRA

and trying to make the best of what you have... the friendship, the companionship, the *love* you have...

I have heard nothing in your confession about how much you still love her-- I hear about how much you want sex and how you wil not beg.

By choosing not to have sex before the wedding, you walked into this not knowing as much as you really needed to know in order to know if you'd be happy in this situation long term or not.

I'd consider counseling for yourself, or perhaps couples therapy about the RELATIONSHIP, not about sex. She needs to respect your feelings more... sex therapy may come later, but the two of you need to get on the same page emotionally first. Sex without love is worthless, IMO.

Anyway, best of luck. Enjoy!

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2425 & 2429:

This push for "marriage" is often a cover-up for something that you're missing in the relationship. One of the puzzle pieces is missing, so you're not completely happy with this person, but you "love" them so you may feel like if they just give you a ring and promise to love you for the rest of their lives then everything will be ok.

Beware this thought. Take a good look at your relationship, and if there are dealbreakers that you've been ignoring, or if lack of marriage is a dealbreaker for you, consider moving on.

Enjoy.

Anonymous said...

2425, what will a ring and piece of paper give you that you don't have now?

Anonymous said...

#2430 - You've received some good comments here, and I hope to add to that as another guy that reads this blog and has been happily married for 12+ years.

The tone of your post indicates that you two don't even like each other, much less enjoy any love in your life together. I agree with a previous post that you must get on the same page emotionally first, and with another comment that emphasizes that you cannot change her and that she will likely not change. Abuse is a possibility, but I don't think so because you indicate her awareness and her using the 'sex' thing against you, or at least joking about it. If she was abused and loved you, she would want to but could not bring herself to have sex and you would see some indication of that conflict. If she wasn't abused, she (IMHO) truly is not in love with the current you.

You can't change her, only the current you. My advice would be to forget about sex until it is completely a non-issue. After that point, follow the lead of your wife in this area. You have made this a key issue in your relationship and have harped on it over and over on the authority that sex is part of marriage and you are entitled to it in the ways that you prefer. From a control point of view, she knows this and has you by the balls with this issue (and all other issues by associaion) every time. Phrases like "I need my hot young wife to bang me" undermine all of your promise keeping and professed sacred honor (which you also use to justify your demands dismay). It is time to stop masturbating and become a real, grown up, 27 year old man that has his sex drive under control and knows how to put the needs of his wife before his own.

You mention that all the problems began with sex, but that before that you were both very happy together during your lengthy courtship. How did you survive without sex during that time? By removing sex from the equation completely you may return to that happiness, afterwhich it can be reintroduced on your wife's terms.

My wife didn't give me oral until we'd been married for at least 4 or 5 years. I never pressured her, though I really wanted her to do it. Why would I want to be the reason the one I love feels compelled to do something she does not enjoy doing? She (I'll avoid the details and history) 'went along' with sex in our marriage as I took the lead. Sure, we both enjoyed it, but I noticed that often her enjoyment didn't seem to be on the same level as mine (sometime in the 6-8 year married time frame). This was a huge revelation to me, that she was not able to 'let go' completely during sex and simply enjoy the pleasure of it restraint free as I was. It results from a mix of religion (sex is sin), a strict mother (sex is to be avoided at all costs until marriage--yes, we were both virgins when married), and a discomfort with sex in general due to unfamiliarity. From that point on I took a back seat and waited for her. This caused some concern on her part, as I seemed to her disinterested. In part I was, feeling a bit hurt, but understanding that she was only trying to make me happy. She has since learned that I am not disinterested, just trying to get to the same page sexually--HER page--so that she would enjoy sex as much as possible in her comfort zone. All this was done with little to no communication, and there were times when I went without for a few weeks. I would still like a less inhibited wife, but about as strongly as I would like my kids to be even smarter or more talented. It doesn't really matter--they are my kids and I love them as they are and will encourage them to their full potential. My wife is my wife, and I love her and will stand by her, support her, and sacrifice all for her--including sex--if necessary.

Get over yourself, stand up and be a man, and sacrifice sex (including the hand) on the altar of your marriage. If you do this genuinely, all the while demonstrating true love and devotion to your wife (you don't have to be her slave, just selfless), it is my opinion that love will return to your marriage, and sex will inevitably follow. Wishing you humility, courage, and success. -A real husband and father

suffering like you said...

Dear 2430,

Many of your words in your confession fit me exactly. My husband and I have been married for over three years now. We have had an almost non existant sex life together with constant promises from him that he will seek help and work on it. Last year marked two entire years with NO sex. We had sex once this past January. Prior to this, only a few times after we were married. He was also a virgin (at the age of 30).

He also, just after we were married, said he would have oral sex with me (give it), and guess what, more than three years later, it has never happened. Well nothing else happens either. He is a physically very healthy man, and he does wake up with (well, "happy"), and he never ever acts on any urge he may get. He says he gets them.

In January, I packed my bags and told him that it was it. I had had it, and he then said, please let us have sex.

Since then, NOT once again. Last week he said he was too tired and we would the following night. (which I knew would never happen, that we would have a fight or he would fall asleep, or one of another 100 excuses.)

I personally, am giving up.

Tonight I am making a pro and con list and I think I will have to leave this marriage, and it does break my heart.

You could try counseling, but honestly, you and I both know, it most likely will not change for either of us. It is what it is. They either are a-sexual, just not into US, or they are bi-sexual or homosexual, (maybe latently so).

So we either live this sub-par very sad existance, for me it is horrible lonely and you know, I am in excellent shape and I am kinda good looking and I fucking miss SEX.

I cannot live this fake marriage anymore. I really cannot do it.

I think when our lease is up, I am done. I cannot imagine bringing kids into this.

Good luck to you, and just know that you are not alone. I think there are lots of people out there like us, just no one talks about it.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2422:

You say your husband has been abusive "both ways." There are more than two ways to be abusive, but my point is this: if he is physically abusive to you EVER, you need to leave. It's very dangerous and unhealthy to raise a child in an atmosphere like that-- not to mention it puts your own well-being and life at risk. Get out of there. Now.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2421: Yay for futon time! Your honey is so thoughtful! Cuddling is the best!

Anonymous said...

I just want to take exception to Anonymous 1:46 above...I was a 26-year old virgin when I got married (to a non-virgin) and he now jokes that he turned me into a nympho! I was raised in a conservative, religious environment, the only penis I'd ever seen was in a textbook, but I love being married and I absolutely love sex! (And yes, we do everything!)
To 2430: It seems to me that being completely unwilling to work out sexual problems speaks to a greater problem of being unwilling to work through other problems too. I like the idea suggested by Anonymous 2:55 to get back to what made you work as a couple in the beginning. You're good to remain faithful to her and not push her, but I think she has to make some effort with this as well.

lostangel1971 said...

where was you 15 years ago..lol..well i am 36,and my husband has cheated the entire time,with the same woman and many others,i devoted myself to him,and he ran me down,but he has me convinced no one would want me,he makes me feel ugly and unwanted.you seem to be what many women dream of,and she is so very lucky to have you,but you can only take so much,i would hate to see you wake up 10 years later and do as i do,look at him and say what did i do wrong? you marry because you know that no matter how many years together you still fell as much in love everyday as you did on that first day.you are a blessing and she is missing out.i too believe when i said my vows they meant forever,but you only live once and you never know when that will end.as sad as it may seem,you need to move on.there is someone out there who will love you as you love.don't make my mistake and stay because its the right thing,if only i was 10 years younger,i am just like you,i try and try and each time get hurt.you need 2 to make it work,and it seems you are the only one trying,you are young,as hard as it may be,hold her in your heart but move on,i am a true believer in having a soulmate,one true love,please don't end up like me,and stay for the proper reasons,God wants us to live and love,you seem to be a dream come true and i believe you can have that.she should do as you do,my marriage is now at the point of sleeping seperately and just living each day as it comes..GO..believe me when i say if i was 10 years younger i would hunt you down and make you feel as worthy as you are.remember,you live once,make it the best you can,don't settle for what you thought was meant to be..trust me if i could trade mine in,i would have you at my side...good luck.i am always available for advice,i have helped many relationships work,but can not help my own..feel free to contact me..trust me i can be alot of help...make the right decision,and remember,you deserve happiness and true love also...

coming from a woman who has been worn down and scared no one will love me like i love...

Anonymous said...

To 12:49PM,
Even a blind sow finds an acorn every now and then....in other words, there will always be exceptions. I stand by my conclusion though. If a person shows no interest in something, there is usually a reason for it. 2430 better get use to his hand and a bottle of lotion. As a veteran of the life of going without, here is one thankful vote for internet porn.
1:46

me, a dreamer and believer said...

#2430

I think you sound like you're hurting, you've tried your best. It's time to lay out what you need in a healthy relationship and ask her if she is willing to try to work towards those goals. If she isn't, and she likes to verbally taunt you on the blatant withholding of sex, then you need to leave her and find someone who loves you and at least tries to work together towards compromises with you. This is about sex, but it's totally not about sex. It's about something so much bigger - she is on this total power trip. Do nothing, and in ten years it could be about your child (if she does sleep with you at the right time that is a very likely possibility) and she's got a whole new weapon to use against you.

Marriage is not about just sex. But marriage is also inclusive of sex. I COMPLETELY as a woman disagree with 2:55. In no book is it written that one partner needs to ignore their needs for the other. That leads often to resentment and an uneven power balance in the relationship. To me, a marriage is a healthy partnership between two people who love each other deeply, and want to see each other happy. To that end, compromise and communication are neccessary. The wife of 2430 isn't just shy of sex or a little inhibited, as it sounds 2:55's wife was. 2430's wife sounds like she enjoys using sex against her husband - if she loved and cared for him and wanted to see him happy, she wouldn't use comments like the ones he shared in his confession.

Love is either present or it's not. It's expressed in many ways, but if it's not shown verbally or emotionally or physically - what's the base of this marriage? 2430 being a martyr does not a marriage make.

Dude, if she won't even care to listen or try to make you happy or compromise ~ get out. If it's like this now, it's a hell of a precedence to set for resolving disagreements. Best of luck to you, you sound like a sweetheart of a guy and you deserve someone who feels like you do.

Seriously. Everyone deserves that. You don't get a do-over at the end of life to try another route. Life is too stinkin short. I hope you find happiness, whether with your wife if she cares to seek counseling or with someone else.

PS For the record, I would agree with a few others that there is a high likelihood that your wife is a lesbian. And then she needs to be honest and let you go.

kim said...

well said 11:43, and I also think she uses it as a weapon, more so than the lesbian possibility.

She does not sound like a nice person, the poster`s wife. She sounds like a controlling partner.

And you know what?

Sex does matter in a relationship, ladies. It does.

The one time you really take notice of it, is when you are not GETTING ANY. It feels like 90 percent of the relationship then.

When you are getting it, and it is good for both partners, it feels more like 10 percent of the relationship (or 20 or 30, but you see my point, I hope).

Just my 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

To 2430 - Your wife will very likely NEVER change, whatever the underlying reason may be. You just have to to decide what (if anything) you intend to do about it. By the way, my own wife, and lots of others I know of, were not sexually active before marriage for spiritual, health and common sense reasons, got married in their 20's, and have active, happy sex lives with their husbands. I know plenty of other wives with the exact same background, that are just like what you are describing in your confession. Good luck to you - just don't expect her to change.

Anonymous said...

To 2422:

Your husband took advantage of your underage cousin, and you said nothing? What he did was illegal! What future impact is this going to have on your young cousin's life?? Please tell someone, anyone. Your cousin needs help right now if she's being abused by someone in a position of trust. Your husband needs to know that what he did was wrong!