Monday, March 17, 2008

True Wife Confessions 242 Skateboards

Confession #2411

The "What I Need Before I Leave My Husband" List.

1. $800.00 for a deposit on a new apartment. My parents will loan this to me I know they will.
2. A six month bus pass that I will pay for out of the joint bank account. You can keep the damn car that you love more than me.
3. My skis
4. My fishing gear, what little I have
5. My camping gear. I'm taking the tent. You won't need a two person tent after I leave and you have a different one.
6. My bike, to bike to work with in the summer.
7. Small amount gift cards to the grocery store that I've been stock piling for awhile. Just enough to get me by for a bit.
8. Hopefully the dog. She really is my dog now since you don't spend any time with her anymore. I fear I wont' find an apt that will take her though.
9. My grandmother's necklace so you don't pawn it.
10. The TV because fuck you if I do end up leaving you.
11. My clothes and the small gift cards to a few stores that I've been stock piling because if I leave you I'll be living in poverty and wouldn't be able to keep my job in shabby clothes.
12. My laptop.
13. A paid in full semester at the university courtesy of you before you realize it. I'll get that promotion.



That's about it. I don't need much. I didn't have much before I met you and I don't feel inadequate without things like you do.


Confession #2412

My husband hurt his back and now I am terrified we are on the
slippery slope of back pain, drugs, irritability, further weight
gain, and more back pain.

Confession #2413

I find myself being more and more amazed by you. The confession on this site from the woman complaining about her husband gaming with losers made me livid. I met you gaming. And I'm not some crazy cat-girl you see at comic conventions in too tight costumes. I'm a successful professional and a mother. I just happen to like acting out as a mage or vampire or huntress from time to time.

You worry about being a good role model for my daughter, you worry about being a good father one day, you worry that the cup of tea you made me isn't good enough. You made me tea... that in itself leaves me speechless and it shouldn't. I know I am demanding, I know I'm a drama queen on speed half the time and you take it in stride. You worry that you don't do enough when you do more than most men do for their wives or lovers ever. Of course you have your moments, but who doesn't? You've taught me how to dream again when I thought I'd forgotten how.


Confession #2414

The best thing you could do for our marriage would be to throw your mama in front of a train

Confession #2415

Dear husband:
Thanks for being a stupid shit and getting me pregnant at 15. And even after you had a pregnant fiance (since you obviously didn't have a choice whether to marry me or not)- How could you mess around on the Internet w/ other women--- for 5 years? Even now, I still can't trust you. How could you tell me that you don't even feel guilty about anything you've done? The last time I found your email to another woman I knew that if we had a gun it'd either be you waking up to a gun in your face or me. Don't test me again, you've pushed me down too many times.

Thanks, TWC!!!! you've probably been a life-saver here

Confession #2416

It's hard to feel sympathetic to you when you spent your Sunday drinking and smoking with friends - gone from house and family. So when you come in at 7:30 at night, drunk, tired and in a shitty mood - don't expect me to

1. Have sex with you
2. Feel compassion for your hangover in the morning

Life goes on - kids have to be gotten up, fed and gotten to school. Get over yourself.

Confession #2417

Yesterday I sat down and bitched about you to your best friend. He was talking about how you lived so well in the Now, never worrying about things, never stressed about life, happy-go-lucky every day. And I said that the reason you get to live in the Now is because I have to live in the Now What? How I am the reason you get to be so carefree because I do the cooking, the shopping, the cleaning, walking the dog, shuttling the kids to their lessons and activities, the laundry, picking up after you, shoveling the snow, damn near everything on top of working, while you, Mr. Zen, get to ski or enjoy time with your friends or watch TV. The whole time I thought, “I shouldn’t be telling him this.” But I couldn’t stop myself. The funny thing is he got it, because he, along with everyone else, understands how you take me for granted when you don’t seem to have a clue. What’s even crazier is you think you spend all this time doing things for others, you make “great sacrifices” for people in your family, people at your job, people who need your time, and never once do you spend time considering what you can do for me. I ask you to make supper one night a week, and you usually ask me what you should make or you decide we need to go out or worse, you make nachos. Honey, if I need to tell you what to make, then I’ll just make the damn dinner myself. Here’s what I want: I want you to understand that romance is not a rub on the back while I’m loading the dishwasher, and it’s not an “I love you” on the phone while I’m folding clothes. Romance is not that easy. Here’s the secret: Romance is having your only default question to every choice or decision you make as this: “Will this make my wife happy?” Not your mom, your dad, your friends or even, my love, you. I want you to think about me before everyone and anyone else. Begin NOW.

Confession #2418

Dear Husband,



I “met” someone new. You know him and even introduced me to him. You are aware I speak with him often. But there is so much you aren’t aware of. You trust me so completely and I love your for it. But it racks me with guilt. I talk with him and he makes me think and feel things I haven’t in so long. He understands my way of thinking and can often know what I’m thinking without my saying it. He compliments me in ways I didn’t know I was missing. He makes me question so much. I think about him often in my day to day life.



I married you young. I met you as a child. You were so safe. So sweet. So simple. You didn’t date before me. I am it in your life. I love having that knowledge. But it leaves me wanting as well. You didn’t have to work for me. I chose you. Now that leaves me wishing for the romance and the sweeping me off my feet. I wish you were open with your feelings. I wish you spoke what your soul was saying. I know you love me with all you are. You give and do everything you know for me. But I wish for more. I wish for what I know a more experienced man would give. I know if I left it would crush you. But I still find myself wondering if I made the right choice.



Our bedroom life has never been great. Inexperience on both of our ends has led too much bumbling along. Add the children into the mix and well were just not doing so hot. I hate that I don’t get there with you without outside assistance. I hate questioning whether or not a different guy could please me better. I hate that your kiss has little effect on me. I want the butterflies back. I want to feel something that makes my pulse quicken. I want something exciting and new. I hate knowing each and every one of your kisses, and exactly what you mean with them. Is there really a distinct number of ways to kiss? I’m getting bored.



You are a fantastic husband and father. Every single one of my friends looks at me and my marriage and says how lucky I am. And I am. I know that. I don’t want to lose that. But I don’t want to be bored for the rest of my life. He has no ulterior motive in befriending me. I’m sure of this. He doesn’t have any idea the effect he’s had on me. So here I sit with 2 clueless men and far too much time on my hands. I fear doing something stupid. I fear making a mistake that would change my life. I fear these thoughts that dance in my mind. I love you so very much, I hope its enough for a lifetime.



Love,

Your questioning wife

Confession #2419

I wonder if I would have married my husband if we hadn't had sex
before we were married.

Confession #2420

this is my confession about my boyfriend:

when you lost your job, i paid your bills, your car payment, your child support, and gave you spending money. i gave you all my savings to cover your expenses so you could go visit your mother for three weeks. all i asked was that you brought me back a souvenir because i had never been to that city - and you forgot.

when you gave me an std, i cried, and then i forgave you.

your license was suspended and you were worried about getting pulled over in your car, because you would go to jail. i gave you my car to drive. and i didn't ask you for anything when i had to spend $600 on you car to repair a problem (that you knew about before we switched cars but didn't tell me.)

i cooked for you so you wouldn't have to spend money to buy lunches at work - even though i hate cooking, and don't even do it for myself.

i brought you and your daughter to all of my family dinners so my conservative parents could get used to the idea of us being together, even though you have a child. now they love you and her.

when you took on a part time job to make more money, i supported you. even though i only saw you once a week for 3 hours and you would spend 4 nights a week with your friends.

you told me i was too emotional for you, so i tried to keep all my feelings to myself, and only be happy when i was around you. during this time, my aunt, my grandfather, and a close friend died. i almost killed myself three different times.

the night my godfather died, i called you, and i heard you having sex with someone else. you told me you lost your phone, and even though i didn't believe you, i forgave you.

the day before our 3 year anniversary, we had another big fight. and you told me that you loved me and that i was important to you, and you wanted to make things work with me. you told me you would try harder. you told me that i was the one you wanted to spend your life with. less than a week after we had this conversation, we made plans to spend the weekend together. then you decided to take a trip with your friends for the weekend - that you were supposed to spend with me.

i have had enough. i'm breaking up with you when you get back from your road trip. and this time i mean it. i deserve to have someone who loves and respects me as much as i love and respect them. i'm tied of changing myself to be what you want. i am so exhausted from putting everything i had into this relationship, while you do nothing. i am devastated, becuase you are the man i wanted to marry. now i'm afraid i'll never get married or have children. and you probably won't even care...

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

2420

not only did you not feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with him in a time of very high stress and sadness for you, so much so that you almost committed suicide THREE times, but you also caught him having sex with someone else when you called him after your godfather died. I assume you called him on his cell phone and he actually answered it, most likely knowing it was you, while he was having sex. I cannot believe you stayed with him after that.

The only explanation would be a severe self esteem issue within yourself. It is great that you are leaving him, but please follow through and then get some help yourself to combat the feelings of inadequacy you have. Is this man or ANY other actually worth your life?

I understand that there are feelings and circumstances that we cannot understand on a forum such as this, and there very well may be things I don't understand that have prevented you from leaving sooner, but I just can't fathom ANYTHING that would keep me with him after what he did.

Anonymous said...

2419 - me too. I wonder if he actually would have dumped me if I hadn't given in.

Anonymous said...

Please stick to your commitment to leave this guy. I have a friend who has suffered through & put up with a lot of the same things you talked about. She stayed with that guy for 16 years & things never got any better. They just got worse. Those kinds of men are users! They'll drain you financially & emotionally and then when they can't get anything else from you they'll move on to the next woman that lets him use her! If he was a man's man & had any ambition or pride at all, he would be wanting to help you instead of wanting you to help him! The good news here is that he can only treat you as bad as he is allowed to! Just don't allow it any longer! Dump him & find someone who'll be much better to you & for you. It's okay if he gets upset. He has upset you for a long time now! It doesn't sound like he deserves you! If you want or need to, weigh the pros & the cons of having him around. I'd be willing to bet the con list will be much longer & the pro list will be much shorter than you expect! Just think about this for a minute... Would you want a man that's so selfish, arrogant, without feelings for anyone other than for himself, someone who doesn't care about or respect the person (you) that does so much for him, to be the father of your future children? I'm sure you don't. The world is full of good men & I know you can and will find one of them as soon as you rid yourself of this guy. I wish you all the best of luck!

Dana - W for Whatever said...

2420 - You need a hug. And you also need someone who loves you back as much as you love them and who will be your support as much as you are theirs. Don't settle for anything less. No matter how much you give

2415 - I understand that you were 15 but while your husband may be a "stupid shit", you must be aware that he does not hold the sole responsibility for "getting" you pregnant. I highly doubt that you were an innocent bystander. A man cannot make babies on his own. I feel the rest of your confession, but just not that part :-)

Anonymous said...

2420 - My boyfriend gave me an STD too. I found out when I went to the OBGYN after I got pregnant. When I told him, he stopped speaking to me for two weeks, said that I was cheating on him. Real funny since I'd never been with anyone EVER except him. Later I find out that right before we got together he slept with a prostitute that was walking the streets in our neighborhood. He said she was "fresh on the street", so she couldn't have given him anything, even though he didn't even use a freaking condom. Then he said it was because I didn't clean myself properly after we had sex. I stayed with him because I was pregnant and afraid and really did love him despite everything. Now our baby is almost 2, and our relationship is still shitty. I'm working on the courage to walk away.

just call me a bit anon :) said...

I have to agree with the above poster regarding 2415, it takes two to tango.
But I also feel for the rest of your post.

To 2419, I wonder if we would have gotten married if we had had MORE sex before we got married. Hmmmm?

ugh, now I guess I have to make this anon after that comment.

Anonymous said...

To 12:11

2420 poured her soul out and I applaud her for identifying and recognizing what she needs to do to change her life. Re-examine your post and see if your comments to her were helpful. I think you'll see that they were not; nor were they particularly kind. I am glad that you, 12:11, would not have stayed in a relationship such as that. Nor would I; but how wonderful that we have had the opportunity in our lives to develop the kind of strength that lets us say, that's not ok. It would be truly a better world if everyone's lives had let them develop that same ability to stand up for themselves. A way to help is to encourage and support, and to realize that there but for the grace of God, go any one of us. A little compassion goes a long way.

Anonymous said...

2420 - I truly hope you leave. Please know that he won't change. Know that you are worth so much more. You deserve to be loved back. You deserve to be respected, first and foremost by yourself, but also by the person you call your partner. They should be just that: your partner & teammate, always on your side. I wish you the very best. We're rooting for you.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2411:

It doesn't sound like you're actually going to leave-- "fuck you if I do end up leaving you"... it sounds like you're just mad and that this is an empty threat. You don't really need the dog.

And it sounds like you're using him for his money. Does he really love the car more than he loves you? Does he treat you poorly if you get it dirty? I mean, because if he's abusive in any way shape or form, you should get out of there now. Leave the dog, leave the TV, leave the camping gear, just get out of there. While you can.

Khali said...

2420

I'm sorry my dear, but you are letting yourself be used. He does not love you and it makes me so sad that you have stayed so long. You deserve better than that. You deserve respect and love and you are not getting it from this person even though you are bending over backwards to please him. Get out on your own, get back to you and then find someone who will not take you for granted. I wish you luck!